Hey what's up hello! This week, Sarah reads the novel she wrote when she was 8 years old, and Kayla reacts. By some twist of fate, the novel is named "Aven Swords," so Kayla and Sarah do their best to read the amazing book with an asexual lense. Please come along and cringe while Sarah reads!
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/reading-sarahs-childhood-novel
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! This week, Sarah reads the novel she wrote when she was 8 years old, and Kayla reacts. By some twist of fate, the novel is named "Aven Swords," so Kayla and Sarah do their best to read the amazing book with an asexual lense. Please come along and cringe while Sarah reads!
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/reading-sarahs-childhood-novel
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Sarah: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake, but Okay, a podcast. We're an aro ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me...
Kayla: And a demi straight girl, that's me, Kayla...
Sarah: ... Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
Kayla: On today's episode, Sarah's childhood writing.
Sarah: Sounds fake, but okay.
Kayla: Sounds fake, but okay.
Sarah: Welcome back to the pod.
Kayla: Oh, shoot.
Sarah: Kayla.
Kayla: Hold on.
Sarah: No.
Kayla: No, no, no, no. M'ojito. It doesn't work very well.
Sarah: That doesn't, okay. No. All right. Well, welcome back to the pod from Sarah and Kayla, who are recording remotely again. We hope that nothing goes wrong technologically.
Kayla: If it does, sorry. Just, I guess, bear with it for a couple weeks.
Sarah: First, I hope you all enjoyed the Ted Talk last week. It was quite the experience recording, but there seems...
Kayla: It was so long.
Sarah: Yeah, there seems to be some good feedback, so that's good.
Kayla: Yeah. Hopefully within the next couple weeks, I'll get more of the resource page built out and all that.
Sarah: Yep.
Kayla: Take into your guys' suggestions about stuff we missed and stuff we kind of messed up. Take that into account when making it, and yeah.
Sarah: Yay. What are we talking about this week, Kayla?
Kayla: This week, I'm very excited because we have a Sarah Costello original that is coming at us all.
Sarah: I am dreading this week's episode.
Kayla: I think we talked about it on the pod.
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: When you remembered it was a thing.
Sarah: Yes.
Kayla: I like begged Sarah for it to be an episode.
Sarah: Yeah. When I was a child, I wrote a lot, which I wish I could say that now. Yeah, so I wrote this book as a child, and we're going to do a queer reading of it, an asexual reading of it, slash Kayla's just going to react to it and I'm going to cringe.
Kayla: I'm very excited.
Sarah: I was home over the weekend and I brought it back here. I have not read it in many years. I considered reading it before this, but then I was like, no, no, I don't want to do that to myself.
Kayla: No.
Sarah: I've kind of skimmed it a smidge. I'm dreading this episode so much, so I hope you all enjoy it.
Kayla: I'm so excited.
Sarah: All right. How do we want to structure this? It's split into chapters. The chapters are not very long, and I apparently had no sense of paragraphs because these paragraphs are all gigantic.
Kayla: To be fair, that's how I write currently is just very long paragraphs, but what are you going to do?
Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. I had no understanding of the fact that when a new person starts talking, you're supposed to have another paragraph.
Kayla: Oh, no.
Sarah: You can't put that all in the same paragraph.
Kayla: Sure can't.
Sarah: All right. Okay, so...
Kayla: Well, so first, Sarah, what is it called?
Sarah: It's called Aven Swords by Sarah E. Costello.
Kayla: Which can we just talk for a second about how that's the title, somehow?
Sarah: I had no idea that I was a tiny little ace baby, and yet I called something Aven Swords?
Kayla: Yeah, explain?
Sarah: I think we were talking to someone about this and they were like, "That's just proof that time travel exists."
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: I'm trying to think of how old I was when I wrote this. I was...
Kayla: Well, don't you have an about the author picture in there?
Sarah: I don't. There used to be one, but I don't know where it went.
Kayla: Oh, tragic.
Sarah: I was probably, my instinct is telling me I was like eight?
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: I don't know exactly how old I was. People who have kids can try and guess based off of the writing level, I don't know. All right, so there's a blurb on the back. I will read it to you.
Kayla: I can't wait.
Sarah: Oh my God, I hate this so much. All right. Also, just a small disclaimer. When I was little, I was very obsessed with just making up names. I still am a little bit, but not to the same extent, and so there are some interesting names and words in here. Just thought I should warn you ahead of time.
Kayla: Are there also a lot of adjectives?
Sarah: Not really.
Kayla: Oh, that's my favorite thing about bad writing.
Sarah: Are you assuming that my writing was bad as an eight year old?
Kayla: Yes.
Sarah: As a published book, published in this half inch binder.
Kayla: Yeah. With clip art on the front or word art?
Sarah: There is no clip art at all.
Kayla: Isn't it like word art, though?
Sarah: No, it's not word art. I'm classy.
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: Anyway, all right. I'm going to read you the blurb. Okay. Oh, I hate this so much. All right. Casey Millard is on her own and very poor.
Kayla: Me.
Sarah: She has a secret that no one that knows, and she barely understands. Also, I never write out the word and. I would always use the ampersand.
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: Then Casey meets Alex Jones, and they are way too alike. Then they find out that they're so alike because they share a curse. They must fight the Buff to break the curse and get family money back. Family money?
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: Will they beat the Buff? Will they die trying to beat the Buff? Will they lose? No, I wrote loose.
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: Will they loose and die early like their parents?
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: Or will they beat the Buff and be crowned brave, courageous Savacs?
Kayla: That was a lot of options.
Sarah: Let's just see, in the words of Alex and Casey.
Kayla: Wow.
Sarah: Also, apparently, I've always had a thing for gender non-specific names.
Kayla: We still...
Sarah: That's fun. Yeah, I'm not sure why. I didn't understand at a younger age that I was really into fantasy and sci-fi shit. I don't know why it took me so long to figure that out...
Kayla: Yeah, no, I can.
Sarah: ... This is very clearly... All right.
Kayla: My initial reactions for this queer reading?
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: Is that they're going to be, the Buff is like aphobia.
Sarah: Okay.
Kayla: Their whole thing is because they don't understand themselves. They don't know they're ace.
Sarah: Wow. That's exciting.
Kayla: Yep.
Sarah: Also, I'm just going to warn you, some of these names, I remember how to pronounce. Some of these, I spell out how to pronounce.
Kayla: Oh, my God. How courteous.
Sarah: Some of them, I don't remember how to pronounce, so I'm just going to have to guess.
Kayla: Oh, man.
Sarah: All right. There are nine, well, there's an introduction and eight chapters.
Kayla: Wow. Wow.
Sarah: This whole thing is a total of 11 pages, so...
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: All right. Are you ready?
Kayla: I'm very ready.
Sarah: Are you ready for the Aven Swords introduction?
Kayla: I can't wait.
Sarah: All right. This is all coming back to me now. I'm like trying to remember what the plot is. All right. Casey Millard was the poorest girl on Apple Valley Lane. In fact, she was the poorest girl in the whole town of Jenkinville. That's a comma splice, young Sarah. My grammar was pretty good, but there are a few areas where it's not quite right. Also, every number, I wrote out in numbers.
Kayla: Oh, God.
Sarah: Which you're not supposed to do if it's under 10. Okay. The nine-year-old girl, I was probably nine then. I was probably either eight or nine then. The nine-year-old girl was on her own now, and she only had $3.18. She lived under an old weeping willow in Bonark Park, which was on the end of Apple Valley Lane.
Kayla: Wow. That's very specific.
Sarah: I'm remembering how I was picturing this as I was writing. Oh my God. All right. I would just lock myself in my family's den while the rest of the family was watching TV, and I would just work on this.
Kayla: On your ancient computer?
Sarah: Yeah. Okay. The girl always seemed so sad, unless she was singing to birds or practicing her "karate" moves.
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: Even though she never had any lessons.
Kayla: Oh my God.
Sarah: Karate is in quotations.
Kayla: It wasn't really karate?
Sarah: Well, she wasn't trained, Kayla.
Kayla: Oh, all right.
Sarah: Also, I know I keep interrupting myself, but you know the podcast, My Dad Wrote a Porno?
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: I feel like that guy, just reading things out loud and cringing. That's what I feel like right now.
Kayla: Apparently that podcast, it's going to be like a comedy special on HBO or something.
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: I saw a billboard for it.
Sarah: So I hear. Yeah.
Kayla: Wild.
Sarah: All right, so I'll do what he does, and I'll kind of reread the last bit of the sentence so we have some continuity here. Unless she was singing to birds or practicing her "karate" moves, even though she never had any lessons. Sometimes she used a stick as a "sword" and used it while she kicked and punched tall piles of leaves. Sword is also in quotations.
Kayla: Good.
Sarah: Though Casey was poor, she was smart and talented. You know what? Good job, woke young Sarah, knowing that poor people are people too.
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: She climbed trees to collect fruit, and found bushes with berries. As you should see, Casey was well-fed and got exercise many times a day.
Kayla: I don't know if I'd call that well-fed. Is she getting any protein?
Sarah: I don't know. If she was in school, she would definitely be in fifth grade instead of third.
Kayla: Wow.
Sarah: There was one thing Casey didn't know. Before her parents and all other relatives died in the forest fire, her parents told her one thing: "When we must go," oh, I forgot about the fucking rhyme.
Kayla: You rhymed?
Sarah: Oh. Oh, no.
Kayla: Oh, Sarah.
Sarah: All right. Here's what they told her. They said, "When we must go, you need to know there is a life beyond. It takes strength and determination, and you must be very fond," fond of what? "Someday when you are old enough, you will go and try to beat the Buff. Your father and I did not succeed, and lost all our money and our long life beads.
If you succeed, you'll earn it back, and all will call you are new Savac." Casey never knew what Savac meant, but it sounded good, and she hoped someday she would be a Savac. End of introduction.
Kayla: I really like how money-driven this is.
Sarah: I mentioned money once. Oh, look at that. She's poor.
Kayla: Well, it's not like, "Oh, I'm going to avenge my parents." It's like, she's really poor, and if she wins, she'll get all the money back.
Sarah: Yeah. That checks out. All right. Do we still stick with your potential ace reading? Do you have any other thoughts, or do we need to just get further in?
Kayla: I think we need to get further in.
Sarah: All right. Oh, God. Onomatopoeia. Whew, okay. Chapter one, Alex. Plip, plop, whoosh. Casey woke up with the wind one Friday in May, literally. It was softly raining and only about two other people were in sight, a good sign. She walked over to her big box made of sticks. She took out her "bathing" suit and put it on.
Kayla: What?
Sarah: Bathing is in quotations.
Kayla: How'd she get a bathing suit? She's so...
Sarah: I'm about to explain.
Kayla: All right.
Sarah: It was really an old t-shirt and cut up sweatpants. Are you happy now?
Kayla: Oh, that's sad.
Sarah: All right. She walked right out into the rain. Actually, cut off sweatpants would get really heavy if they're wet.
Kayla: Is this set, what time period is this?
Sarah: Modern day.
Kayla: Huh.
Sarah: Well, like 2006, whenever I was writing this.
Kayla: It's 2006 and people are just like, letting this kid live in a tree.
Sarah: This is fantasy.
Kayla: Yeah. Okay.
Sarah: Kayla.
Kayla: All right. All right.
Sarah: She walked right out into the rain. Then she reached under her tree and took out an old metal bucket. It would collect rainwater. She set it down, reaching in again. This time, she took out an old twine fishnet. Oh, my God. I just read ahead. Oh, my God. She set it down, reaching in again. Oh, no, sorry. I already said that. This time she took out an old twine fish net. She started walking towards Ake River. It's A-K-E, I think it was supposed to be Ake, not like Akay or anything.
That Ake sounds familiar. All right. Ake River, happily singing America the Beautiful on the way.
Kayla: Wow.
Sarah: She followed the pathway that led to Mill Forest. When she got there, she turned left where it branched off. See, here's the thing. As a child, I had no sense of geography, and yet there's a very specific geography of this place. I don't think I had it in my head. I just think I wanted to name all of these places. All right.
When she got there, she turned left where it branched off. It would lead to Ake River. She followed it until it branched off again. "I think I'll take the shortcut today," said Casey to herself. She left the path and started walking on the stony grass.
Kayla: Stony grass?
Sarah: Stony grass.
Kayla: I don't understand.
Sarah: I'm not really sure what that means. Soon she reached Ake River. She walked right in. She kept walking until she was dragging her feet and was knee-deep in water. She took one step more, brushed the dirt off of her favorite big rock, and plopped down on it. She waited until she saw three long silvery salmons swim by. They must be leaders of a group, she thought.
Casey threw the net in. Casey? This is Alex. No, this is Casey. Sorry. I was confused for a second. This is Casey. Casey threw the net in, and sure enough, they were. She caught two beautiful ones. She was satisfied, so she started walking back.
Kayla: I don't think that's how you catch fish.
Sarah: I don't either.
Kayla: That seems like way easier than how catching my fish actually is.
Sarah: Oh my God. I just read ahead again. Oh my God. Okay. When she saw the path, but was still hidden behind trees, she stopped. She heard a rustle right next to her. She heard it again. "Hello?" She asked. "Hi," said a voice. Then she saw a girl about her age, maybe older. "Alex Jones. I'm 11. I'm alone and trying to find a home."
Kayla: Oh, my God. That's not how you introduce yourself.
Sarah: "Casey Millard, nine. Want to live with me? I've wandered the old willow," said Casey.
Kayla: What?
Sarah: "Really?" Said the so-called Alex. "Yeah." "Well, okay." "Here," said Casey. "I'll help you with your stuff." The girls walked along. Casey was smiling the whole walk back too. As soon as they knew it, they ate lunch. Alex was an expert climber. They ate dinner, and Alex was an expert fisher, and they had already dozed off. Soon, it would be Saturday. End of chapter.
Kayla: Hmm. Interesting.
Sarah: Thoughts?
Kayla: Seems like she's a little trusting of strangers.
Sarah: I think she's just alone and sad.
Kayla: That's also fair, and poor. Don't forget that she's poor.
Sarah: She's poor. She has $3.18. All right. Let's go on to chapter two. Chapter two, Stories. The next morning after Casey and Alex ate a breakfast of fruit and berries, oh, that's how she gets food is from the fish, protein from the fish.
Kayla: Hmm. All right.
Sarah: Anyway, okay. The next morning, after Casey and Alex ate a breakfast of fruit and berries, they shared interests with each other. "We're so alike," giggled the girls. It was, again, raining, and the girls were sick of it, so they stayed under the tree and shared stories. "All right," said Casey. "I got to say something." "Me too," said Alex. "Shoot at it. Both of us at the same time."
Kayla: Oh, my God. Shoot at it, that's not right.
Sarah: Nope. Oh, my God. They took a deep breath. Then they simultaneously said, "When we must go, you need to know what is a life beyond..."
Kayla: No.
Sarah: "It takes strength and determination, and you must be very fond. Someday, when you are old enough, you will go and try to beat the Buff. Your father and I did not succeed. We lost all our money in our long life beads. If you succeed, you'll earn it back, and all will call you our new Savac," sputtered Alex, Casey sputtered also.
Kayla: Oh, no.
Sarah: "Oh, my goddess," she spit out. Here's the thing. Here's my question. They didn't give any context to this. They just started repeating this rhyme? They weren't like, "Oh, yeah. When my parents died, they told me this?"
Kayla: No, no.
Sarah: They just start saying it.
Kayla: Can you imagine if only one of them had said it? The other one was like, "So awkward."
Sarah: "I'm gay." All right. This chapter's not over yet. All right. Oh, where was I? "Oh, my goddess," she spit out. Finally, they got their breath back. "We're doing it together. It's better than alone," said Alex. "Yeah," said Casey, "But we need a saying. It has to keep our hopes up. We're together, so let's just see. Let's just see." "I love it."
Kayla: Terrible.
Sarah: I know. "I love it," said Alex loudly. "Shh," hissed Casey. "The park's empty," answered Alex. Casey looked out. It was. She just shrugged. Now that Alex knew what Casey knew, and Casey knew what Alex knew, things would be easier. Maybe... End of chapter. How are you feeling?
Kayla: My current reading is that they have just expressed to each other this feeling they have, and they don't have the word for it or whatever, but the feeling of being like, "We're ace, and here's a rhyme about it."
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: That's my current reading.
Sarah: All right, cool. It's time for chapter three.
Kayla: Oh, boy.
Sarah: Chapter three, Shayna Comes.
Kayla: Oh.
Sarah: It was late in the afternoon. The same day as when they found out, well, you know what.
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: The girls were eating pears and apples, and they were talking about the curse. All of the sudden, a girl appear. She was wearing a deer skin shirt and chaps.
Kayla: Okay, so she has a deer skin shirt?
Sarah: And chaps.
Kayla: The rest of them just have like sweatpants?
Sarah: Hold on. The chaps weren't leather or deer skin. They were just something about the girl. What?
Kayla: That's written in it?
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: What does that mean?
Sarah: I don't know. I don't know. Okay, so there was something about the girl that caught both Casey and Alex's eye. Gay? Actually, no. Are you ready?
Kayla: Yes.
Sarah: The sword. On it was engraved these words, and I used a different font for the engraving. I'll let you know. Aven Sword, S. Mistkafun. I remember that name, and I don't know why I made it so hard to pronounce. After the girl saw Casey and Alex staring at the sword, she said, "I'm Shayna Mistkafun, and I've come to retrieve you two. Time for you guys to try to beat the Buff. My first time too, and don't worry, this is a plastic sword. It's just for practicing."
Kayla: What?
Sarah: Finally, Alex said something. "The Buff, now?" Okay, this next name, I can't remember how to pronounce. It's L-A-I. I don't know if it's Lai or Lay. I think it's Lai?
Kayla: Lai?
Sarah: She says, "Lai's orders. She's in charge of us Mortals," mortals with a uppercase M, and I'll have you know.
Kayla: Oh, shit.
Sarah: "She's half Mortal and half eem, whatever that means. Come with me. We got to go. We need to go through training before we can fight him. That's in about a year."
Kayla: Oh, Jesus.
Sarah: "Okay," said Casey at last. Shayna faced the trunk of the tree and said, "Reckless Buff, you're never too tough."
Kayla: Oh, boy.
Sarah: I don't like all these rhymes. What have I done? Soon, the girls found themselves on top of a high hill. It was foggy all the way around. Shayna told them this, "We're on the highest point in the land of Buff." This next name is one that I explain how to pronounce it, but I'm actually still not sure.
Kayla: Do you spell it out phonetically?
Sarah: Yeah, but I was like eight, so I wasn't very good at doing that. It's spelled J-A-Y-S-I-C-K-A, and my phonetic spelling is J-A-Y-S-I-E-K-A. It's either Jaysicka or Jayseeka. I think it's Jayseeka, I think that's what I was trying to say. Okay.
"Jaysicka Hill is what it's called. Down there is where we fight, and in front of us is the Golden Fountain, our water source. On the left is our HQ, and behind us are the three dorm buildings."
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: Mista Dorms...
Kayla: How long did they walk to get to this?
Sarah: They didn't. They just appeared there.
Kayla: Oh. Oh, okay.
Sarah: This is like some teleportation shit.
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: Okay. Behind us are the three dorm buildings, Mista Dorms, Dale Dorms, and Mic Dorms. I remember that it was Mic, but it's spelled like mic, like microphone. Maybe I knew that I was going to have a podcast. I don't know. All right.
Kayla: Time travel.
Sarah: "On the right is the training building and practice rooms. Behind the dorms on the left is the cafeteria, and on the right is the hospital. Do you get the main idea?" Casey and Alex nodded. Shayna sighed. "You better start talking more soon, because when you meet Lai, well, I'll put it like this. Lai is a question-holic," but I spelled holic wrong.
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: End of chapter.
Kayla: Okay, so they just magically appeared in...
Sarah: Yeah. You're the one who's bringing up time travel.
Kayla: No, I was bringing up time travel in our lives.
Sarah: I know, but who knows?
Kayla: I guess.
Sarah: Yeah, so she just said a little rhyme at a tree. Then they ended up on the top of the hill in the land of Buff. All right. Are we ready for chapter four?
Kayla: Yes.
Sarah: Okay. This chapter is just over a page. Okay. Chapter four: Lai the Question-holic. All three of the girls stood behind a tall window. They were watching Lai ask things to some girl, and trying to eavesdrop through the hole in the door. It wasn't working. "Okay. This is not working," said Casey. "No way is this working," replied Alex.
"You got your voices back and this isn't working. I agree with that," laughed Shayna. Why did I have to say that same thing four times?
Kayla: God.
Sarah: They walked, I didn't really edit this. There wasn't a ton of editing. They walked a few steps until they were behind the tall and wide door. Shayna had told them earlier that it was so the Buff things could get in, when they had to go to prison, at least.
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: Also, I always spelled okay, just okay, like lowercase and I'm current me is mad at young me for that. Oh, no. I just looked down and I realized I spelled blah wrong.
Kayla: Oh, good.
Sarah: All right. Anyway, when they had to go to prison at least. "Okay. I need to tell you how this goes," said Shayna suddenly. The alliteration there. "Not very well," said Alex. "Let's just see," whispered Casey. "Okay. Let's just see," said Alex aloud. Mind you, these are all just quotes in a row. Okay? It's hard to understand them because I do not hit enter after the dialogue.
"All right," said Shayna. "I chose you to come here, so Lai will ask me 22 questions about why I chose you two. Then she will ask each of you about why you think you're here, and how you felt when you found out about the curse. That's 14 questions that you answer by yourself. Then she'll ask you what Savac means, and she'll tell you what Savac means. She'll ask me seven more miscellaneous questions, and she'll make notes and we'll leave. Got it?" I was so specific about everything, the number of questions.
Kayla: It's a lot of questions.
Sarah: All right. She says, "Got it?" "Yeah, but you chose us?" Said Casey and Alex at the same time.
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: Shayna sighed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were strong, determined. Hey, you lived under a tree in the park." There was a moment of silence. Then the girl who had been in with Lai stuck her head out the door. "Your turn," she said. The three friends looked at each other. "Let's just see," they said simultaneously. Then they started walking in. This is the first paragraph break.
Kayla: In ever?
Sarah: In this whole chapter.
Kayla: Oh, boy.
Sarah: All right. They soon reached the middle of a big room with tall wooden walls and a high wood ceiling. They sat down on a long stone bench with down cushions. "Hi," greeted Lai warmly. "I'm Lai Jean. We only have 10 minutes, so we best get to questions."
Kayla: Oh, that's...
Sarah: That is a loud siren.
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: It sounded like she was used to saying this, "Blah, blah, blah, blah and blah," except I spelled blah wrong. There's no H on it. It wasn't very interesting until Savacs came up. Oh, no. Improper use of apostrophe.
Kayla: Oh, Sarah.
Sarah: All right. It wasn't very interesting until Savacs came up. "So," said Lai, "Logic question. I would like you guys to agree on and tell me what you think a Savac is." What, no. Well, okay. "I would like you guys to agree on and tell me what you think is a Savac. I'm sorry, what a Savac is, is what I meant." Wait, so she said it wrong and then she corrected herself?
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: I don't know why I included that. Okay.
Kayla: Just make her seem more human.
Sarah: Casey and Alex confirmed for a moment. I think that's supposed to say conferred.
Kayla: Wow. What a big word you were trying to use.
Sarah: Well, but I used the wrong one. Earlier, I used the word miscellaneous, so, all right.
Kayla: A lot going on.
Sarah: Casey and Alex confirmed for a moment, and then Casey said, "We think a Savac is someone who is," "Good and beats the Buff," finished Alex. "Right," said Lai. "Completely correct. Shayna, I actually asked you 28 questions in the beginning, so this is the last question."
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: "What Buff words do you know, and what do they mean?" Shayna thought for a second, but then she said, okay. I had to, oh, no. Okay. Several of these, I have spellings, like explanations for how to pronounce them. All right. Shayna thought for a second, but then she said, "Aven is war. Amalanite is Stripe Pox. Bendinson is their HQ. Fiuklun is their word for us," but that is spelled F-I-U-K-L-U-N.
"Listen, so Aven means war. I'm going to let you sit on that." Lai nodded, made some notes, and said, "Okay, get the next person. Goodbye."
Kayla: Oh.
Sarah: They stuck their heads out the door, told the next person it was their turn, and walked out the back door. End of chapter. What do you think it means that Aven means war? Lot of questions.
Kayla: Yeah, I don't know about that one.
Sarah: All right. Do we want to just keep moving and see where we go from here?
Kayla: Yes.
Sarah: All right. Chapter five: Training Camp. Oh, no more onomatopoeia. Bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong.
Kayla: Oh, wow.
Sarah: The morning bell chimed six times, meaning it was 6:00 AM. Time to get up. Casey, Alex, and Shayna purposefully shared a room in Mista Dorms and they shared a triple bunk bed.
Kayla: Oh, wow.
Sarah: Anyway, Lai's voice boomed over the loud speaker, saying, "Wake up, sleepy heads. Mista Dorms are in charge of food. Dale Dorms are in charge of setting tables in the cafeteria, and people from the Mic Dorms are in charge of cleanup. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Got to get moving."
It was the girl's first day with the regular schedule, and they woke up with a loud start. They changed into their clothes and walked into the cafeteria. What clothes do they have? They're poor. They only had a bathing suit. Did they give them clothes when they came to the land of the Buff?
Kayla: Did they have school uniforms?
Sarah: I don't know. It's not school, though. It's training camp.
Kayla: Okay. Well...
Sarah: All right. When they finished eating breakfast, they got their schedules. Each of theirs looked exactly the same. This is what they looked like. Then I showed you there are two different fonts involved. All right.
Kayla: Oh, Sarah.
Sarah: It says Room B107. Teacher, Ms. Ann Denia, Denya? I'm not sure. Belt, yellow. Ages, nine to 13. Times, 8:24 to 11:41, 97-minute lunch break. 12:38 to 6:19. Your partners, your roommates. That's who their partners are, is their roommates. Why is the lunch break so long?
Kayla: I think you were just like dreaming of the lunch break you wanted.
Sarah: My math isn't even right.
Kayla: Oh, no.
Sarah: It says it's till 11:41 and then it's at 12:38, but I said that was a 97-minute lunch break. That's not right.
Kayla: What is it?
Sarah: It's in the fifties somewhere. This is kind of a hard to read font, but that's definitely a nine. I'm an idiot. Okay. I've never claimed to be able to math. All right. "Well," said Shayna, "We're together, but we're going to need a map. I think this is unanimous." The others nodded. When they finally reached their room, Casey said, "I figured out why class doesn't start until an hour after breakfast. You may be doing cleanup, and it takes so long to get to the room, even if you know how to get there."
"Probably," said Alex, sitting down. Finally, the teacher came. "Hi," she said. "I'm Miss Ann Denia," I think it's Denia. "I'm your training "camp" teacher." She even used quotes when she said camp, in case that was unclear.
Kayla: Oh, okay.
Sarah: "First," she went on, "I would like to give you your yellow belts. You can wear them any which way you want, as long as you and your partner or partners are wearing them the same way." She began passing them out. The girls tried out billions of ways.
Kayla: Billions.
Sarah: Yes, and chose to wear them as headbands. Hey, it would keep their hair back.
Kayla: Oh, no.
Sarah: Remember, roommates are partners. They went into training camp as yellow belts in karate for three months, and later, when they learned how to sword fight, all three advanced automatically. They skipped up to red belt and stayed there for eight months. What a time jump.
Kayla: Sarah-
Sarah: By this time, what?
Kayla: You never did karate as a kid?
Sarah: No.
Kayla: This is just coming out of nowhere.
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: All right.
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: All right.
Sarah: By this time, they had been training for almost a year; 11 months. One day, a note came to the door. It was in Lai's handwriting. It said the following, this is a new font, okay?
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: New fonts for everything. All right. "To my dearest friends, Casey Millard, Alexandra Jones, and Shayna Mistkafun, you are invited to fight a Buff, Azimakaji," I had to spell that one out, but I do remember exactly how to say that. Azimakaji was very important to me. Description: color of red with coral effect. Eight feet, four inches tall, one foot, 11 inches wide, green hair with spikes and curls, one hand with four fingers, three and a half feet with 224 toes.
3,482 pounds. Most pounds able to lift, two pounds. FYI, he can only lift his left pinky toenail. May cause Stripe Pox. Tips: never let him fall on you. Be sure to let me know if you have any concerns. You'll start on January 17th. Yours truly, Lai Jean."
Kayla: Okay, so this thing is 3000 pounds?
Sarah: Here's the thing. I don't think I actually imagined in my head what he looked like. When I write, I don't really picture like faces or people, and so I think I was just making all of this up without actually picturing what it would look like.
Kayla: Well, I'm just imagining something that's 3000 pounds, but can only lift-
Sarah: Two pounds.
Kayla: Two pounds.
Sarah: Which is his left pinky toenail, but he has three and a half feet.
Kayla: He has a lot of toes.
Sarah: 224 toes. One hand with four fingers. Also, I said how wide he was.
Kayla: I would love for someone that's listening that's good at art to try to draw this out.
Sarah: Oh, my God.
Kayla: I would love that.
Sarah: That would be amazing. Honestly, just for them. I'm going to repeat the description. Color of red with coral effect. Eight feet, four inches tall, one foot, 11 inches wide. Green hair with spikes and curls.
Kayla: Wait, how tall?
Sarah: Eight foot four.
Kayla: Eight feet tall, one foot wide?
Sarah: Yeah. Well, almost two feet wide.
Kayla: Where's all the weight coming from?
Sarah: I don't know. Maybe his three and a half feet? Green hair with spikes and curls. One hand with four fingers, three and a half feet, what is half a foot, with 224 toes, 3,482 pounds. Most pounds able to lift, two pounds.
Kayla: I need a picture of this.
Sarah: FYI, he can only lift his left pinky toenail. May cause Stripe Pox. Tips: never let him fall on you.
Kayla: This is something you're supposed to fight?
Sarah: Yeah. Hold on, the chapter's almost over. Let me finish it.
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: "Well," said Shayna after reading the note, "Guess this is it, the real thing. This time, we'll have an Aven with them. In our words, it's time for the war with them, the Buff. All I can say is, let's just see."
Kayla: Huh.
Sarah: There should have been apostrophe in let's. End of chapter. Also, I don't think I had a grasp on how heavy 3,500 pounds is.
Kayla: Yeah, that's...
Sarah: Heavy.
Kayla: Really heavy.
Sarah: Wow. All right. It's time to have an Aven with them. Kayla, how do you feel?
Kayla: I don't know how to feel.
Sarah: All right. I think we should just kind of push through the end and then we can kind of do a, what's it called?
Kayla: Analysis.
Sarah: Yeah. All right. Chapter eight: Aven Time. December finished up, and more days rolled by. The girls were done with training, and all they could do now was practice, practice, practice, and they did, did, did.
Kayla: No, no, no, no, no, no.
Sarah: Then a cold snowy day came by. When they woke up at 6:00 AM, it was a usual day until they saw their calendar. It was a little fuzzy because it was across the room. I think they need glasses.
Kayla: I think so too.
Sarah: Young me needed glasses at this point, I just didn't know it. The girls thought that it was the day. They got out of bed and looked closer. Yes, they were right. January 17th, the day. All three were excited and scared at the same time. They dashed to the closet and put on their chaps and deer skin shirts and coats.
Kayla: Oh, boy.
Sarah: They pulled on their gloves and moccasins, and after that, they tied their red headbands/belts onto each other's heads. They grabbed their leather knapsacks and tied them around their waists; they would put food in them later. That was a correct use of a semicolon.
Kayla: Oh, Sarah.
Sarah: They seemed a little calmer by now. Then they tied their deer skin sword protectors around their waists and slipped their real swords in.
Kayla: Oh, shit.
Sarah: They were ready. I have a question. Are they wearing anything under the chaps, or is this an ass-less chaps situation?
Kayla: You didn't say what they were.
Sarah: I didn't. I don't think I understood what chaps were.
Kayla: I don't think you did either.
Sarah: Okay. After breakfast, they filled their knapsacks with food. They were stuffed with beef jerky, grapes, strawberries, turkey, chicken, and pork chop bits, and even a little bit of dry cereal. Then they took two inch by four inch water bottles, just in case they got dehydrated. That's a really small water bottle.
They tied them to their knapsacks. Now, they were really ready. All they had to do now was fight. The girl stood at the top of Jaysicka Hill, ready to rush down and fight when the whistle blew. This war is starting via a whistle? When the whistle blew-
Kayla: Not like a horn, just a whistle.
Sarah: Yeah. When the whistle blew, they would sprint down by Bendinson, Buff's headquarters, and find the person they would fight Azimakaji. They're pretty close to the Buff. Their camps are just very close to each other, it seems. It seems like a problem.
Kayla: All right.
Sarah: I'm just confused. When the girls were lost in thought, the whistle screamed at a high-pitched noise, and the girls ran with all their might down the hill, barely missing the Golden Fountain. They pushed through the crowd-
Kayla: What?
Sarah: ... Until they reached the front. What?
Kayla: There's a Golden Fountain? Since when?
Sarah: Yeah, it's where they get their water.
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: Shayna explained that at the beginning.
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: Wait. They pushed through the crowd until they reached the front. They sprinted down the hill and ran until they reached Bendinson and the real Azimakaji. It reminds me of that scene in Infinity War, where Bucky and Cap and T'Chala are like running at the aliens, but they're like way faster than everyone else. That's what I'm imagining here.
Kayla: Okay. Oh, my God.
Sarah: They ran until they reached Bendinson, and the real Azimakaji. He kept lifting his left pinky toenail. It was the grossest thing the girls had ever seen.
Kayla: Oh, yeah. That sounds nasty.
Sarah: They were doing fine with him until all three girls started coughing and got dehydrated. They drank their water, but it only helped for a little while.
Kayla: Well, yeah, 'cause it was only like two inches of water.
Sarah: I know. "Golden Fountain," coughed Shayna. They began to go up the hill. Behind them, they could hear Azimakaji yelling, "He, he, he."
Kayla: No, no, no.
Sarah: "You got Amalanite," I think that's how to pronounce it. They got to the Golden Fountain and began, wait. If he can only lift his left pinky toenail, how could he talk?
Kayla: Well...
Sarah: All right. They got to the Golden Fountain and began taking in water, and splashing it across their faces, but soon they fell to the ground and couldn't hear Azimakaji's yells and laughter anymore. They couldn't hear anything. They couldn't do anything. All they could do was lay there, unconscious. End of chapter.
Kayla: Oh, God.
Sarah: Chapter seven, Sick. All three girls almost simultaneously began coughing and gagging. Everything is done simultaneously. Well, yes. Mrs. Olice, the nurse, gave each girl a glass of water and they chugged them down. They were now in lumpy hospital beds, and they had a wonderful view of the dorms. The girls talked for almost one minute before they noticed their skin.
Kayla: Oh.
Sarah: "What happened?" Exclaimed Alex and Casey at the same time. Why is everything at the same time? Little reddish, pinkish lines covered their bodies. "Oh, duh," said Shayna. "You know how Azimakaji was yelling things, like you got Amalanite?" Casey and Alex nodded, and Shayna went on. "Amalanite is Stripe Pox. He made us get Stripe Pox. That was his weapon."
One week passed, and the Amalanite had only got worse. Two days later, Lai left a note for them. This is how it went. Once again, this is in her handwriting. It's important for you to know. "Casey, Alex, and Shayna, I'm sorry to say, but your case of Stripe Pox is a very bad one. It's called Mon Verse Stripe Pox. The only way to heal it is to heal yourself."
Kayla: Oh, my God.
Sarah: "The only way to heal yourself is to have confidence and hope in yourself."
Kayla: No, no, no, no, no.
Sarah: "I think you already have this, but it might not be strong enough. I really hope you will be okay, but we cannot help you. It's all up to you. Yours truly, Lai Jean. PS: Mon Verse Stripe Pox has never been cured before."
Kayla: This sounds like the American healthcare system.
Sarah: Honestly, you're right. All right. Wow. This is a long chapter. Okay. The girls talked among themselves, amongst, whatever, among themselves after each girl read the note. "Lai's right," Shayna sighed, and began talking again. Oh, Shayna sighed, and began talking again. "We do have the characteristics that we need to cure our Mon Verse Stripe Pox, but we could do better." "You're right," replied Alex.
Throughout this conversation, Casey hadn't spoken yet. "Are you okay?" Alex suddenly asks Casey. With this, Casey burst into tears. "No," her muffled voice replied. When Casey calmed down, she said, "I will never be cured. My grandma got sick and died. She was barely a mother. I never met her, and I never will." Wait. "Whenever I get sick," I don't know. Her grandma died when her mom was like a baby.
Kayla: Oh, okay.
Sarah: "I never met her, and I never will. Whenever I get sick, I get scared, so I will never be cured." "Casey," said Shayna, "That was the olden days. It's okay now." Also, it's funny because the way to cure this is to believe in yourself, which they didn't have that in the olden days?
Kayla: No. It was very sad.
Sarah: Healthcare, you know? All right. It's okay now. Key word was okay. "This is even worse than normal chicken pox, and the cure makes it so hard, because I think of the bad things when I get sick, and not the good." She began to cry once again.
Kayla: Why is she me?
Sarah: Casey, she was, what? Why is she... Yeah. "Casey, go on," urged Shayna and Alex. Oh, no, no, no. I hate this. "My heart, my soul. They fell down on me hard when my family died, and ever since, my self-confidence has fallen just a little bit every day."
Kayla: Oh, no.
Sarah: "I've tried so hard, but it hasn't rose for years. I just can't do it." She's only nine. She got teary-eyed. She was already crying. "It's all right, Casey. We understand," replied Alex. Neither Shayna nor Alex, good nor, could sleep that night. They could hear in the distance Casey's words. Oh my God, this is so dark.
Okay, okay. They could hear in the distance, Casey's words, and a little voice saying, "Come to heaven, Casey. Come to heaven."
Kayla: Sarah.
Sarah: I like writing about death. We've established this. I still do it.
Kayla: Oh, my god. You were like eight.
Sarah: By morning, they still hadn't fallen asleep, and they were crying when Casey woke up. They tried to hide their sadness, but it was hard. Too hard. Each girl, even Casey, went to the bathroom and washed their faces. Each day, the girls got sadder. There's some real allegories here, I think. Each day, the girls got sadder, but one February day, another note from Lai came to the door. What the fuck?
"CM, AJ, and SM, you are invited to a writing contest with Pros of the World, The People, Inc." The authors, I chose. "These people include Nora Roberts, Megan McDonald, EB White, and more. Write any type of piece and give it to me by March 30th. It would be a great pleasure to see you win. Yours truly, Lai Jean."
She's like, "Hey, I know you're in the hospital, like dying, but could you just like... I want you, children, to enter a writing contest with Nora Roberts."
Kayla: Oh my God.
Sarah: "And EB White and Megan McDonald." I don't remember what she wrote, but she wrote a lot of books that I read when I was a kid. All right. The girls began writing at once, but never realized something. It was just a trick to get rid of their Mon Verse Stripe Pox, and it worked. End of chapter. Are you ready for the last chapter?
Kayla: Okay. Here's what I don't get. The lady said, "We can't help you," and then...
Sarah: First of all, Lai is not a lady. She's also a child. Second of all...
Kayla: Okay, well...
Sarah: They're all children. Second of all, she's tricking them. This is a trick, Kayla. She figured out a way to help them.
Kayla: Okay.
Sarah: All right. Chapter eight: The Best of the Best. The three girls woke up in soft, warm beds with down pillows, unlike their lumpy hospital beds. Each searched their whole body for a single speck of Stripe Pox, but there was nothing but normal skin. They soon realized what they were wearing.
Ooh, yikes. Each girl was wearing a gold costume, and they looked somewhat like gypsies. That is not PC. I was thinking of this dance costume that this other group had when I was a kid. That is definitely what I was thinking.
Kayla: Well, you were a kid. I dressed up as a Geisha one year for Halloween, so you live and you learn.
Sarah: Yeah. The pants were puffy and pulled in at the bottom. They wore tight tank tops and golden bracelets. On their ears were gold stud earrings.
Kayla: Oh, God. Oh, Sarah.
Sarah: Oh, no, no. To top off the gypsy look, they didn't wear shoes. Oh, no.
Kayla: Oh, no.
Sarah: Okay. "How did this happen?" The girls asked Lai immediately when they saw her. "You were, well, undiagnosed, as Dr. Mia Berms puts it."
Kayla: That's not how it works.
Sarah: Dr. Mia Berms said it, so it must be true.
Kayla: No, that's fair.
Sarah: "You don't have Mon Ver Amalanite anymore. You're free. By the way, all of you look just as good as I did when I went through this, maybe even better." Is she flirting with them? "Another thing, get used to those clothes, you'll be wearing them at the parties. Mine are silver. Speaking of that, I better go change. You're in the Upton room. Go eat at table number one with me, and be at the hall by no later than nine sharp. Bye."
The girls looked at each other in their clothes. Only one thing came to mind: Savacs. Casey, Alex and Shayna were in the hall by 8:52. Lai came exactly at nine. "Ready?" She asked. Shayna took a deep breath and answered for all of them. "Yes," she replied. "Kay," she called out.
Kayla: Oh my God.
Sarah: Sweet, happy music sang out happily, and all the other girls stood silently. They came out from behind the bright curtains and Lai led them up some stairs. In front of them sat four chairs, one silver, three gold. On each chair sat a crown. Four little girls, maybe six or seven years old, took the crowns, and each girl sat on a chair. "To Casey Millard," sang out one girl, "For the love of others." She placed the crown on Casey's head.
"To Alexandra Jones," sang out to the next girl, "For gratefulness." The crown was set on her head. "For Shayna Mistkafun," said the next girl, "For confidence in herself and others." She too got a crown. "For Lai Jean," the last girl happily said, "For good leadership," but they didn't wake up from the dream. It was no dream. They were true Savacs, Lai for the second time.
Now, their hearts were filled up to the top, even after the loss of their parents. End book, but they didn't beat the Buff. He just infected them.
Kayla: They never got the money back.
Sarah: I like how they're Savacs, but Azimakaji is not dead.
Kayla: Okay. From what it seems like too, is there's like a lot of Buffs that are just hanging around, but...
Sarah: Like, what counts as you beat them?
Kayla: Also...
Sarah: Who's in charge here?
Kayla: Why don't we like the Buffs? It was never explained...
Sarah: Because they're monsters?
Kayla: Yeah, but-
Sarah: They give you Stripe Pox and they laugh about it?
Kayla: I know, but I need some...
Sarah: I think they are definitely some plot holes here.
Kayla: Yeah, a few.
Sarah: All right. Kayla, what's your final reading of Aven Swords?
Kayla: I just don't know...
Sarah: I don't even think they used their swords.
Kayla: They didn't.
Sarah: Huh. Isn't it a work of art? Give me a Pulitzer.
Kayla: I just don't know.
Sarah: I think there's definitely some allegories in here with the whole writing contest about just love yourself, because you're asexual and you don't know it yet.
Kayla: Yeah, I think it's definitely very positive. You had some good messages in there.
Sarah: I was a very cringey child in that sense.
Kayla: What happened?
Sarah: I don't know.
Kayla: Yeah. I think you could read it as they found this community in this training camp, and they had some other child that was helping them.
Sarah: Also, it's very interesting that all of the characters that are the good guys are female. The only male character is Azimakaji.
Kayla: Oh, shit.
Sarah: Yeah. Even the doctor that undiagnosed them was a woman.
Kayla: I don't know, maybe you could see, because the monster obviously doesn't make a lot of sense...
Sarah: No.
Kayla: ... Proportionally. Maybe it's aphobia and all of that also doesn't really make sense. What it does do is make you sad and unconfident.
Sarah: And sick. Then you just have to believe in yourself and love yourself, and then you'll get a crown from a small child.
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: It is very interesting to me that all of the good guys were female characters. Society would've told me that, "Oh, the doctor should be a man," but I was like, "No, they will all be girls."
Kayla: Yeah. I'm trying to think of the stuff I wrote though. I feel like all of my characters were girls.
Sarah: Yeah. I was just like, "Bitch, my main characters are going to be badasses, and they're going to be girls," and that still checks out today.
Kayla: Wow. What a story.
Sarah: Oh, man. There was a little bit of problematic-ness there in the last chapter.
Kayla: Yeah. Yeah.
Sarah: I was a child. I didn't know better.
Kayla: Wow. That was wild.
Sarah: Yeah. I will say that the balance, I guess, of the story, was not very good.
Kayla: No offense, but there was a lot wrong with it.
Sarah: Well, you have the introduction, and then chapters one through five is like, oh, getting to know Alex and Shayna and Lai in training camp. Then six is like, it's time to fight the Buff. Then seven is like, oh, we're sick. Then eight is like, we're Savacs now, even though you didn't beat the Buff.
Kayla: Yeah, you did have a year jump in one chapter.
Sarah: Oh, I did. Then another chapter had a several month jump, so...
Kayla: Yeah. We knew that they were all poor, but wasn't a lot of character development. You don't learn much about the characters. There's not much character building.
Sarah: Oh, no.
Kayla: In the beginning or throughout,
Sarah: There's not. I definitely knew who they were in my head.
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: I will say, I don't know that I had a ton of thoughts as to how they were different from one another.
Kayla: Well, my favorite is they got these awards for caring and whatever, and I'm like, "Where'd that come from?"
Sarah: Yeah. They didn't beat the Buff. That's the real... But the creativity was there.
Kayla: Yeah, that monster. I need someone to draw it. I need it.
Sarah: I have a table of contents. This is a real book, and I signed it.
Kayla: Yeah, and you used to have that little author's picture that you made your mom take.
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: In your purple jacket.
Sarah: Yeah, it was a sweater, I'll have you know.
Kayla: Sorry, Sarah.
Sarah: I had this, at the front of it, there's this sticker thing that is Tinkerbell. I, for some reason really loved Tinkerbell as a kid, even though I'd never seen Peter Pan. It's one of those things where you put your name on it, and I signed it with my signature.
Kayla: How is the signature?
Sarah: This is a signed copy. Not great.
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: It's fine. This is a signed copy of Aven Swords.
Kayla: You should definitely take a picture of it so we can post it.
Sarah: Okay. Well, on the side, on the spine, I printed out a little sticker that says Aven Swords, Costello. This is a serious book.
Kayla: Wow. Send it to a publisher, dude.
Sarah: I know. I will. Yeah, that's that. Do we have anything else we want to say on the topic?
Kayla: I don't know.
Sarah: I really think it speaks for itself.
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: I think our poll of the week should be... Wait, no. What is everyone else's asexual reading of this book? I got to know.
Kayla: Maybe let's do that. Then we haven't done an actual not open poll, so maybe...
Sarah: Yeah, we've been doing a lot of open polls.
Kayla: Let's do one that's looking back on your childhood, do you see signs of like, "Oh, I'm Ace?"
Sarah: Yeah, sure. Stuff that doesn't seem like it would be... You only realize it in hindsight. You're like, "Oh, shit. I wrote a book called Aven Swords."
Kayla: Yeah. Amazing.
Sarah: All right, cool. Those are our polls. Kayla, what is your beef/juice of the week?
Kayla: Oh, boy.
Sarah: Do you have one prepared, or should I go first?
Kayla: You can go first.
Sarah: Okay. My juice and beef of the week, I have two juices and two beefs, but they're the same thing. Here I am again with my juice and beef being the same thing. My juice of the week are Dan Howell's coming out video, and Eugene Lee Yang's coming out video.
Kayla: Did you watch the video, the behind the scenes of how he made that video?
Sarah: Oh, I did.
Kayla: It was amazing.
Sarah: Both of those videos came out back to back days. They were both some of the best coming out videos I've ever seen. The Dan Howell, and also they're both people who have been on YouTube for a very long time, which is interesting. Dan Howell's coming out video was 45 minutes long. He was previously known as "Dan is Not On Fire." Some of you may have remembered him from your youth hood. I don't know how old you are.
It was a 45-minute-long video. It was very thoughtful. It was very honest. To be honest, it was funny. He also kind of basically called out his own fans for making it harder on him.
Kayla: Oof.
Sarah: They shipped him a lot with Phil, or Amazing Phil, who they're very good friends. Apparently, they did date at some point. It's unclear if they still are, but because there was so much shipping, it made it very hard. Also, just because both Dan and Eugene grew up in the nineties, early two thousands. It was a different world then, which I'm kind of understanding better now, because I think of these people as not that much older than me, but they had different childhoods. Also, Dan Howell mentioned aphobia in his video, so that's fun.
Kayla: Oh, gee.
Sarah: Yeah. Then Eugene Lee Yang, member of The Try Guys, he did a music video, essentially, told a story via dancing.
Kayla: It was gorgeous.
Sarah: It was beautiful. The only thing that bothered me was that he didn't point his feet enough, but I also recognize that he's not a real dancer, so...
Kayla: For not being a real dancer, though, very good.
Sarah: Yeah.
Kayla: Plus, he like-
Sarah: He choreographed it.
Kayla: Which is amazing.
Sarah: Yeah. My beef of the week is the fact that both of them had to go through all that shit to get where they are.
Kayla: Yeah. It sucks.
Sarah: Dan Hall talked a lot about his childhood and why it took him so long to come out in the behind the scenes video for Eugene's video. I relate to Eugene in a lot of ways. Emotions, what are they? Watching that video kind of made me realize that I could have been him if I were born 10 years older or 10 years earlier. I could have very well been him.
I could have had that struggle with accepting identity like he did. In some ways, I still do, but it just made me grateful for the people I have around me, and the fact that I am able to be where I am now on episode 88 of my asexuality podcast.
Kayla: Yeah. Yeah. It was surprising to me how he was like, "Oh, coming out, there might be some people that disown me," that shocked me that that had to be something. It's 2019. That was still something he's worried about. It's sad.
Sarah: We have known that he's been queer for a while, but he was just never specific about what he was. He came out as gay, and so it was just interesting hearing his rationale for doing that. He said that he had several kids come up to him in the past year, being like, he gave them the courage to come out to their parents. He was like, "I could be doing so much more help if I actually were honest about my sexuality."
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: All right. Kayla, what's your juice and beef of the week?
Kayla: Hmm. I will say my beef has been moving, has been a difficult process.
Sarah: Yeah. That checks out.
Kayla: I'll say my juice, I was thinking of a couple throughout the week, so one is my cat.
Sarah: Billie.
Kayla: She's very wild. She is...
Sarah: Billie Piper Lorde. I helped name her. You're welcome, world.
Kayla: She, right when I try to sleep, goes running back and forth across the apartment. It's very annoying, but she's great. Also, I've seen a lot of videos recently where people fix furniture with ramen. Have you seen this?
Sarah: No.
Kayla: Okay. There'll be a hole in the side of a dress or something, and people will just fill it with ramen and then carve it and then fill the hole.
Sarah: Like uncooked ramen?
Kayla: Yeah.
Sarah: Okay.
Kayla: They'll just repaint it. I've seen one with a purse too that people do it.
Sarah: Interesting.
Kayla: It's just very, please look it up. Very entertaining. Great.
Sarah: All right. Sounds good.
Kayla: Yeah, that's that.
Sarah: All right, cool. Well, you can find our juices, no, you can find our poll. Tell us about your juices and beefs on our Twitter at Sounds Fake Pod. SoundsFakePod.com for those everything, but also for the resources that we've been talking about for the Ted Talk. We love you all. We also have a Patreon. If you want to give us your money, Patreon.com/SoundsFakePod.
Our $2 patrons are Keith McBlaine, Roxanne, Alice is in Space, Anonymous, Nathan Dennison, Mariah Waltzer, and Jonathan. $5, Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fiero, Aunt Jeannie D., Benjamin Barra, Megan Rayon, and Quinn Pollock. $10 are Kevin and Tessa @DirtyUncleKevin and @Tessa_M_K, Sarah Jones @eternaloli, and Arcness, who liked to promote the Trevor Project. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com.
Okay, this last $15 Patron, it's the same person, but so this person used to be anonymous, but they decided that they wanted to no longer be anonymous. The reason is because, all right, I'll just, it's my mom. Okay. My mom, whenever she gives money, donates money to things, she has a policy that it's always anonymous, because that's just her life policy. She was previously anonymous, but then she realized that she wanted to openly show her support for me and my sexuality and my podcast.
She wanted to be a supportive parent and an example for other people that there can be supportive parents. Anonymous is my mom.
Kayla: We stan Julie.
Sarah: Then my mom, asked my dad if he wanted his name to be on it too, and he was like, "I don't care." It's my mom, and I guess my dad too, because the money comes from a shared account. My mom would like to promote the organization Free Mom Hugs, where moms and dads and parents go to Prides, and they offer free hugs to anyone who wants one, like people who don't necessarily have supportive parents of their sexuality.
She's very into Free Mom Hugs. She says she didn't quite get on it in time this year, but she says next year at Pride, she definitely wants to do Free Mom Hugs.
Kayla: Wow. What a great lady.
Sarah: That's the tea. Thank you for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
Kayla: Until then, take good care of your cows.