Hey what's up hello! This week we talk about having crushes on teachers and try to figure out what the real difference between a squish and a crush is. The aromantic in us really pop out.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/crushes-vs-squishes
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! This week we talk about having crushes on teachers and try to figure out what the real difference between a squish and a crush is. The aromantic in us really pop out.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/crushes-vs-squishes
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey what's up hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl that's me Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, crushes.
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Oh, that's our new theme song. Oh, okay. Cool.
KAYLA: Yeah, I thought it was fun, fresh and sexy.
SARAH: Yeah. That's our brand fun, fresh and sexy.
KAYLA: Yeah, I thought so.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: M’arriage? That one doesn't really fit.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But it is what came to my mind.
SARAH: Oh, good game.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Alright. Uh, Kayla.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's me.
SARAH: Wait, okay, first of all, I'm sorry about my audio last week. Like, we've had shitty audio in the past, but like last week it was genuinely my fault, so I feel worse about it.
KAYLA: I honestly haven't listened to it, so I don't know how bad it is, but...
SARAH: My voice sounds very tinny. Your voice sounds fine.
KAYLA: Fun.
SARAH: So, sorry about it. Yeah.
KAYLA: Everyone, welcome to the stage, my cat, who...
SARAH: Billie...
KAYLA: Is just everywhere.
SARAH: Yeah, so, Billie is everywhere. I felt a little bit too powerful using audition, and it backfired.
KAYLA: Sometimes that happens, and that's fine.
SARAH: And sometimes that happens. Wait, okay. What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Today we're talking about crushes.
SARAH: Yeah, we are.
KAYLA: Because, I mean, I guess we can just get right into it. I know we've talked... I feel like we've talked about crushes before, and like, the confusion of like, is this a crush or a squish?
SARAH: Yeah, we have, because I was... I mentioned something, I have group chat with my sister and two of my cousins, and I mentioned something about this time that I was accidentally flirting with someone. And my sister was like, you should talk about that on the pod. And I was... My cousin was like, she's already talked about that on the pod. I was like, she's a better cousin than you are, sister, because she has listened to every episode of the pod.
KAYLA: Wow. That is the tea. Yeah, we've definitely talked about accidental flirting before.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But yeah, so now we're going to talk about crushes, because I've also seen people in the Discord talking about like, how do I know if this is a crush? What the fuck is happening? So...
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I will talk about first what brought me to this...
SARAH: Hit me with it.
KAYLA: Topic, because I came up with a topic this week.
SARAH: In a wild, wild turn of events.
KAYLA: A wild turn of events. I'm the content now. Um... So, I have some fronds at work. And they both have these teachers who they have like, very big crushes on.
SARAH: Still, or they had previously?
KAYLA: Well, okay. So, they are both, I believe, professors that they had.
SARAH: Mm professors
KAYLA: Who like, while they had them as professors, they were like, oh my god, I love this person, and like, what a fabulous teacher. The one of them has an accent, and so that adds to it. And like, called my friend, like his superstar student, and whatever. So, in both of these cases, I had heard about these teachers before, because my one friend was like, oh my god, I'm obsessed with him, listen to his voice. It's not even that good.
SARAH: Tea.
KAYLA: Tea. And so anyway, and then on separate occasions, they had been contacted by these professors. So, one of them, he was like, hey, come, will you like talk to my class about what it was like taking this class and like what you're doing now because you like successfully got a job, whatever. And she like freaked out, was like, oh my god, she was like crying because she cries very easily. So, but she was like all excited about it. And she was like, oh my god, I'm in love with him. Like I would leave my boyfriend for him in a second.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: Like, he's so beautiful. I love him so much. And even her boyfriend was like, yeah, like he's hot. I'd fuck him. And then the other one, my other friend, her professor had reached out to her about like, hey, like I'm in town. I know you used to live in New York. Like do you still live there? Do you want to like meet up or like talk about whatever? And she like freaked out, was like crying, had to get up and walk around the office. So, they both just have these teachers that they're like have massive crushes on. And I was like sitting there at my desk, like, what? I so cannot relate to any of this.
SARAH: So not only do they have crushes on these people, they're also like close enough to them that the professor would reach out to them?
KAYLA: Yes. Yeah. So, there was like also a relationship there of like, this is a teacher I know well, not just like a crush from afar.
SARAH: Right. That is wild. I mean, I've heard of that…
KAYLA: I was like sitting there and I was like, yeah, I've heard of people like having crushes or wanting to like fuck their professor. But I was like, what?
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, I feel like I heard of it being more prevalent, like in high school, where there's like, you know, like the young teacher.
KAYLA: Yeah, like a hot substitute or something.
SARAH: Like there is definitely a teacher like that at my school who everyone loved, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. But a lot of the girls like had a crush on him because he was like pretty young and he was an amazing teacher. And I was like, I mean, yeah, he's like really cool. Like he's a cool guy. But I was like, I mean, yeah, maybe it'd be cool to be friends with him. But he has two kids.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know.
SARAH: Like he has a wife. Like I don’t know…
KAYLA: It's very confusing to me because they were like both freaking out. And I was sitting there and I was like, I've never had… I mean, first of all, I don't think I've ever had a relationship with a teacher that's like, especially not a professor. I never knew any of my professors that well. But I was like, I've never experienced this or like a crush on a teacher. And I think I'm too Demi for this.
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, I do know some of my professors that well just because my majors are a lot smaller than yours. But I'm also just weird. I don't know if I've mentioned this on the pod or not before, but I'm like weird with authority figures. Like I…
KAYLA: See, my friends are weird with authority. I don't want to say weird, but they have things with authority figures that are I'm assuming the opposite direction of what you're about to say.
SARAH: Yeah, okay. So, anyone who is like, like, even when I was a freshman in college, like the people on the Quidditch team who were the seniors, I was like, they're so much older than me. They're like real people. Like I couldn't really be friends with them.
KAYLA: As if.
SARAH: But the juniors were fine. But the seniors I couldn't. So, like there's kind of like a limit for me. And as I get older, I think that limit is growing larger because at the time I was, you know, 17. But… and these people were like, you know, 23. Some of them had already graduated. But like I, with people who are like my professor or like a teacher or whatever, like I can't really be friends with them in the same way that some of my peers can. Like I had a person who was my professor who I now work with and is kind of my boss, kind of not, but we're like coworkers regardless. And because I went from that transition from being his student and like him giving me grades to working with him, like I'm much more comfortable with the other people I work with when he's not there because like I know how to act around them. Whereas with him I'm like I don't know what to do, like I like you, but I don't know what to do with my person.
KAYLA: See, yeah my friends, and I feel like there's like a good amount of people like this, they like like people in positions of authority.
SARAH: They got like a kink for people in positions of authority?
KAYLA: Yeah, they like like when people are there giving them grades and stuff and it's like ooh fun.
SARAH: Yeah, I am more so just like I feel the need to impress you and I feel like we're not equals and that makes me um defer to you and I don't want to be friends with someone who I feel deferential to all the time so I feel like I can't have a proper friendship with you.
KAYLA: That's fair. I think my problem with authority is that if I do… if I am like more comfortable or I'm friends with someone that's in a position of authority I have found myself getting in a trap of like getting too comfortable with them and then I'll like say something or do something that's like that was a little too like familiar or you probably should and so like for me it's bad because I will get like yeah too friendly and then I'm like ah fuck.
SARAH: Yeah, I mean I've been in a situation where like I was friends with someone before they were put in a position of power over me and then when they were it was just like you have to know like when and where it's appropriate to do stuff but like I don't know. Also, just thinking about like having like crushes on professors and stuff I feel like in high school it's always like oh so-and-so has a crush on the teacher whereas in college it's like so-and-so fucked the teacher.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's the thing is in college it could like actually happen and I mean weird stuff happens in high school too. Usually like super illegally but like yeah in college it like is attainable to a degree
SARAH: Yeah, or like people like if you have… if there's like a graduate student teaching your class and you're an undergrad like that happens.
KAYLA: People do that all the time. I don't know but it was just such a weird experience because they were there freaking out about it and I was like I so cannot relate to this experience right now.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like at all.
SARAH: Yeah, I think we're definitely just a little too ace-spec to get that.
KAYLA: I know, I was like literally sitting there and I told them I was like, “I'm far too ace for this conversation.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like I don't.
SARAH: And I can definitely understand like admiring someone. I can understand thinking they're attractive. Like I can do that but if it's like… do these people like actually… do like they actually wish they were in a relationship with them or is it more just so kind of like puppy love from a distance? Like if it were possible would they do it? I guess you have said your one friend said that she would leave her boyfriend…
KAYLA: I do think my one friend would. I don't know about the other one. My one friend I do think she likes him. I think yeah. I think it's a possibility.
SARAH: That's crazy.
KAYLA: She did mention hating his wife. I hope she doesn't get mad at me.
SARAH: Well, you haven't said who she is. I don't even know who she is.
KAYLA: But also, me and her have been talking about doing a podcast about like very wild things that have happened in her life so if she's willing to do that then fuck this.
SARAH: Fuck that shit. Yeah, I just… like I get nervous around figures of authority especially if they're like younger figures of authority like the kind of people who are like you could be friends with you know?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like I also get nervous around those people sometimes but it's just for a very different reason.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Woof.
KAYLA: I don't know man. Crushes are weird. Have you ever had a… well we've talked about this, you were like, “maybe I've had crushes.”
SARAH: Yeah, it's unclear to me whether I've had crushes or not before. Like there are…
KAYLA: So, what makes it… what makes it unclear do you think? Because I know this is something I feel like people talk about all the time.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Of like how do I know if I have a crush or not?
SARAH: Yeah, I mean I think… well I mean it's a situation where it's like I want to talk to this person and I want to hang out with them and I enjoy talking to them and I don't know them that well yet but I want to get to know them better and like for me it's like.
KAYLA: I can't believe you have a crush on me, that's crazy.
SARAH: Yeah, you know me. I have like constant crushes on Kayla exclusively.
KAYLA: On me. Yep, just me.
SARAH: But like you're in a situation where it's like or like if they want to hang out with you, you're like ooh they want to hang out with me like yes, I'm happy about this but like you don't like I don't know for sure if it's because I have a crush on them or if it's because I just really like them as a person and want to be like good friends with them. It's hard… like I just can't really tell the difference.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think they do come with a lot of like the same emotions and like symptoms almost because even when I'm thinking about it like what you were just describing it's like yeah that happens when you have a crush.
SARAH: Exactly
KAYLA: But also, like there's something else about a crush that makes it different that's almost like… I don't know, it's just like feeling stuff you can't really put like a word to it or explain it so it makes it like hard.
SARAH: And like times where I've been like ooh do I have a crush on this person versus times where I've just met a person who I like really like, like I can tell the difference. Like it's not like I'm just like oh I really like this person do I have a crush on them? Like it's like there's a very specific type of like what is going on that makes like… that like is probably the closest I'll ever get to understanding like all of that alloromantic shit but like I feel like it's situations where people who are allo would be like oh yeah this is a crush but for me I'm just like what is happening?
KAYLA: What do you… can you describe to me what you think having a crush is like?
SARAH: Oh god.
KAYLA: This is fun. This is a fun throwback to what we used to do I feel like.
SARAH: I hate this. Like you think they're cute.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Step one. Step two.
KAYLA: Step one.
SARAH: You think they have a good personality. They're probably funny.
KAYLA: You're describing friends to me right now.
SARAH: This is only step two.
KAYLA: Oh okay. Keep going.
SARAH: Step three. You want to stare at them a lot I guess.
KAYLA: It's fair.
SARAH: Step four. You want to hang out with them but not look like an idiot.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Uh, you want to... This is weirdly specific but it just came to me. You want to have inside jokes with them?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Okay. Uh, I mean I guess you would want to like maybe kiss them I guess.
KAYLA: Yeah, if you're into that.
SARAH: Maybe hold their hand.
KAYLA: I think do you... Okay so the times that you've had like squishes or maybe crushes. Did you experience it where you were like I want to hang out with them and talk to them but I don't want to seem- like you didn't want the other person to know that you wanted that?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Hmm.
SARAH: I would say so.
KAYLA: I’m trying to find any difference here.
SARAH: Yeah, so am I.
KAYLA: I mean...
SARAH: But… I think it's just like gut instinct is like what is this and the problem is that I don't have a good gut instinct for it. Have I had crushes on these people? Maybe. I don't know. I haven't done anything about it.
KAYLA: I don't ask you about crushes.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: The cat was meowing.
SARAH: Oh, okay.
KAYLA: You're spayed, bitch. It doesn't matter.
SARAH: How would you describe a crush? Like is there anything beyond what I explained? I mean when I am like do I have a crush on this person? It's not like I'm like I want to make out with them.
KAYLA: Oh, here's one.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: When you know that someone else has a crush on someone, what does it look on the outside like?
SARAH: Like they have a crush on someone
KAYLA: I know, but I'm saying people can tell like, ooh, I think these people like each other. But no one ever says that like, ooh, I think these people want to be friends. So there has to be something, right?
SARAH: I mean, I get. Yeah?
KAYLA: So, what is it?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: No, but that's going to solve it.
SARAH: Like what does it look like from the outside?
KAYLA: Yeah, so in times when you've seen people and you've been like, oh, what was it that made you go? Ooh
SARAH: Talk to each other a lot. They like… in like group situations, they're always like near each other.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: When you're with one of them, they talk about the other person a lot.
KAYLA: Mm hmm.
SARAH: They are like, I don't know, I'm just thinking of like they typically like got to be very coy. I don't know. Become a coy fish.
KAYLA: Oh, interesting. That's a good one.
SARAH: I don't know. Here is an interesting thing though.
KAYLA: You've got to be able to crack this.
SARAH: Like one time many moons ago in the past where I was like, do I have a crush on this person? And then I was like, whatever. And then I got over it. I much, much later found out that at some point they had had a crush on me and I was like, whoa.
KAYLA: I don't know. I'm just trying to think of… because I've had crushes on people and I've also wanted to be friends with people.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I can't think of like, like I definitely know the difference. But if I'm thinking about how I would describe to someone other than like, I could just tell.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And they were of the correct, because, well, I guess I don't even know if I've ever had a squish on a guy. Because I've never had that many guy friends.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Is the thing.
SARAH: I do find it interesting that like, the times that I did question like, do I have a crush on this person? In both situations, it has been a man.
KAYLA: Do you think that's like, because of like, that's what your brain thinks it's supposed to do though?
SARAH: I don't know. I mean, we've discussed what sexuality we think I would be if I were not aro-ace.
KAYLA: Did we?
SARAH: Yeah, we have. It was a long time ago.
KAYLA: We said you would be straight, right?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Oh okay. We said you would be bi?
SARAH: I think we said I would be, okay, again, I said this when we said this before. I know this is not how it works.
KAYLA: Oh no, I remember this conversation now.
SARAH: But like, because this is the only way my brain can conceptualize it, like as a person who is aro-ace, I feel like I would be like, bi-romantic but like, 70% into guys.
KAYLA: No, that's very valid though, because I have bi friends who are like, yeah, I definitely lean towards like, men versus women or women versus men.
SARAH: But penises freak me the fuck out. I would probably just be a bi-romantic homosexual.
KAYLA: That's very valid.
SARAH: Because dicks freak me out.
KAYLA: They're not fun and fresh and flirty.
SARAH: No. Not at all.
KAYLA: Not at all, actually, no.
SARAH: Sorry to all the people out there who have dicks, but it’s...
KAYLA: They know.
SARAH: My opinion.
KAYLA: I've never met anyone that has a dick I don't think that was like, yeah, this is cute.
SARAH: Fun and fresh and flirty?
KAYLA: This is a cute appendage.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I hate it.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Okay. What's the difference? Okay, if I was a crush.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: What would I be?
SARAH: For me or in general?
KAYLA: I don't know. I'm just trying to like give some people some concrete advice.
SARAH: I think part of the problem is that there is no answer.
KAYLA: Okay let's do maybe some. Okay, so obviously there's no great answer to this because it really does seem like it's kind of like a gut feelings thing and feelings…
SARAH: And sometimes your gut feeling is that you don't know.
KAYLA: Yeah, and feelings are a fickle bitch.
SARAH: True
KAYLA: But if we're a person who has a squish/a crush on them, what are some…
SARAH: Can you remind our audience for those who might be new of what a squish is?
KAYLA: Yeah, a squish is basically like kind of like we've been talking about. It's like when you have a friend crush on someone, so it's like I really want to be this person's friend.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: So, that's kind of what we're talking about is going between or not being able to tell whether you have a friend crush on someone or a romantic crush on someone.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: So, if we are unsure if we have a squish or a crush, what are some things we can do or questions we can ask ourselves that maybe can help us figure it out?
SARAH: Do you want to kiss them?
KAYLA: Here is my thing though, what if the person like doesn't like kissing no matter what?
SARAH: Yeah, I don't know.
KAYLA: Do you want to...
SARAH: Hold their hand.
KAYLA: Hold their hand.
SARAH: It's like, it's like, you know when like people date in like middle school? Like all the things that you would do with someone that you were dating in like sixth grade, are you interested in those things?
KAYLA: Are you interested in...
SARAH: Hugging after third hour.
KAYLA: Oh my god. Sharing... I've heard something kids do now is you wear each other's scrunchies…
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: On your wrist.
SARAH: Do people in straight relationships do this? Or is…
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I'm not a child.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: But I've seen on the internet that that's a thing.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Do you want to discuss taxes?
SARAH: I don't want to discuss taxes with anyone.
KAYLA: Yeah, but when you're in like a committed relationship with someone you have to.
SARAH: Do you... Nope, see that...I was going to say do you feel the urge to discuss taxes? But even...it's not like if you have a crush on someone you immediately want to go into talking about like tax returns.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: Do you want to... I was going to say like have like dinner with just them but I have done that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: With people who I wasn't sure if I had a crush or a squish on and it didn't help.
KAYLA: Yeah, I can't imagine that that would help.
SARAH: It didn't help at all.
KAYLA: Do you think they smell good?
SARAH: I don't pay attention to that. I mean I guess if they smelled really bad, I guess I would pay attention.
KAYLA: We had a whole conversation in my office the other day because someone smelled good and we couldn't figure out who it was.
SARAH: Nice. Did you figure it out eventually?
KAYLA: We did. We figured it out.
SARAH: Good
KAYLA: I guess, I mean, okay, so here's the thing. And I think we've talked about kind of the difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship before of what makes them quantifiably different. So, is this someone that you could actually make a tangible commitment to? Not that you're necessarily committing to a monogamous relationship or a serious relationship. But when you date someone, you do kind of have an obligation to talk to them a certain amount and see them a certain amount of time.
SARAH: Yeah. But isn't that also true if you're really good friends with someone?
KAYLA: Well, I think it's not as much. Because I think if you're really good friends with someone, at least for me, if I am really…like if me and Sarah go a couple of days without talking to each other, it’s not something I’m like worried about
SARAH: That's true. It's more of like, oh, I want to talk to this person, not like I'm worried that I have… because I haven't talked to this person.
KAYLA: Yeah. If my boyfriend didn't talk to me for a couple of days, I would be like, pissed. But if Sarah didn't, I would be like, this is normal.
SARAH: And then I would just send you a meme about raccoons taking over a store.
KAYLA: And then, yeah, then that would be a normal time.
SARAH: Yeah, I did do that today.
KAYLA: Yeah, and not that all people have relationships where they talk all the time or whatever, but it does seem like when you're dating someone, there is more of an expectation of like, we will see each other.
SARAH: Continue, yeah.
KAYLA: We will like have set times that we see each other and like an amount that we talk that's pretty regular.
SARAH: Yeah, I feel like everyone has at least a couple friends where it's like, you can get too much of them.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That person is not going to be the kind of person you're going to have a crush on, most likely.
KAYLA: Very true.
SARAH: Like, just because, like, I love this person, but they're a lot.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So.
KAYLA: Would you go to their family Christmas?
SARAH: Well.
KAYLA: It's not fair because I've had friends that have...
SARAH: Yeah, like.
KAYLA: Come to family things.
SARAH: Same. Miranda came to Easter.
KAYLA: Yeah. Wow. I can't believe you and Miranda are dating.
SARAH: I know. Me and Miranda are dating. I invited her to Thanksgiving. I don't know if she's coming.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: So.
KAYLA: Tragic.
SARAH: Unbelievable. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's just like… And, I mean, okay, here's the thing. Okay. With crushes. Say you have a crush on someone and you don't start dating them.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Most likely you'll get over it, right? Like…
KAYLA: I would say so, yeah.
SARAH: Would you still feel the urge to be friends with that person afterwards? Is it a case-by-case thing?
KAYLA: Ooh, here's a good one. If you… so usually if you have a crush on someone and it like doesn't work out.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: You feel very rejected.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Would you have that same type of feeling if you really wanted to be friends with someone and it didn't really work out?
SARAH: Like, your friendship just didn't work out?
KAYLA: Like, I don't know. So, if you have a crush on someone and you're trying to hang out with them and you're like, hey, let's go get coffee or hang out, and they're like, “oh, no, I'm busy.” In my mind, at least, if someone I had a crush on said that to me, I would automatically be like, oh, they must not like me. They can probably tell that I have a crush on them and they're trying to let me down easy.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: If I was trying to be friends with someone and I was like, let's hang out, and they said no, I would probably be like, they're probably busy.
SARAH: Yeah, let's hang out another time.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm not going to take it as personally.
SARAH: Yeah, that's fair. And I think, too, just like, the reason I was asking that other question was like, these people that like, like in situations where it's like, okay, I no longer am confused about whether I have a crush or a squish on you, I still don't know if I did then, but now I don't, and now we're friends, and like, that's chill. Like, it's not an issue. So, does that mean I didn't have a crush on them? Does that mean I just got over it? I don't know.
KAYLA: I mean, I do think people can be like, have a crush on someone and then get over it and like, just be their friend.
SARAH: Yeah, so...
KAYLA: If you have a crush on someone and they start dating someone else, you're probably sad. But, if you want to be friends with someone and they start dating someone, you can still be their friend.
SARAH: That is actually a very interesting one.
KAYLA: Because, and I mean, not everyone is monogamous, so it's not to say that if someone started dating someone that you couldn't also date them, but I have to imagine there would be some amount of jealousy or like, oh, I want to date them instead of that person. But if you're trying to be someone's friend and you have a squish on them and they start dating someone, you would probably be like, good for them, let's go out to lunch and we'll talk about this person you're dating, I'm interested in your life. I think I’ve done that
SARAH: I think you maybe just gave me the answer.
KAYLA: Did I do it?
SARAH: By that logic, I have never had a crush on anyone.
KAYLA: I mean, I'm right, right? Like that makes sense.
SARAH: It does make sense. Because like, one situation, the person started dating someone else and I was like, cool. And then another situation, I was literally at a meal with this person, just me and them, and they were like, I went on this date and I was like, tell me more.
KAYLA: Yeah, because if you had a crush on someone, your immediate response to someone telling you like, oh, I had this date, probably wouldn't be like, oh my God, I'm so excited for you. You might say that, but that's probably not what you're really feeling.
SARAH: Yeah. Did you just crack the code?
KAYLA: I feel like I did it.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: Because like, and I mean, I'm sure this doesn't go for everyone. We can't generalize. And like, some people are way more chill with like being jealous about stuff or like dating more than one person at once.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I have to feel like there must be a gut feeling, even if the person would still date you and this other person at once, if you really had a crush on them, there would be a gut feeling of like, oh, interesting.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Rather than like, oh, I'm so excited for you. Let's have some hot goss time because we're friends and that's what friends do.
SARAH: Yeah, I feel like for me in one of the cases, it was almost like relief.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, oh, I don't have to worry about this anymore.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: You know, where like, I don't have to worry about my actions being misconstrued because they're dating another person.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: I feel like I just did it.
SARAH: Incredible.
KAYLA: Well, I don't know what else there is to talk about now since I've done it.
SARAH: I mean...
KAYLA: Other than that my cat is trying to eat my sleeve.
SARAH: I made a joke earlier about doing a therapy cast from like a podcast from therapy, but maybe that's what this was.
KAYLA: I was going to text you back and tell you that literally every one of our podcasts is basically a therapy cast because it basically is, but...
SARAH: Incredible. Okay, I mean... That's where we're at.
KAYLA: I mean, I think we've done it and you're welcome, everyone.
SARAH: Our poll of the week is, did we crack the code?
KAYLA: Did we do it?
SARAH: And if not, or if you have other things to contribute, tell us. How do you tell the difference between a squish and a crush? How do you conceive of the difference?
KAYLA: I think we did it, though. And if anyone tells me we didn't do it, you're probably wrong.
SARAH: Wow. Okay.
KAYLA: Yeah, and that's it.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Cat, this is a lot for me right now.
SARAH: She's trying to tell you that you're wrong.
KAYLA: I will kill her.
SARAH: Oh, that's extreme.
KAYLA: That's not true, though she did wake me up so fucking early this morning because she just wanted to be pet.
SARAH: Oh my god. My parents were gone over the weekend, and I… which meant that my dog was just stuck with me and she was forced to love me. And she actually slept in my bed because…
KAYLA: I saw.
SARAH: She had no other options. I mean, she could have slept in my sister's bed, but there was no one in that bed, so.
KAYLA: Wow
SARAH: But yeah, and then she was laying on my legs and I was like, this is a feat.
KAYLA: See, usually me and the cat have cuddle time at 8 when I wake up. But last night she woke up and just started meowing and walking all over me like it was pet time, and I was like, this is not for several hours.
SARAH: Wow. Yeah, I also part of the… there was a small problem with my dog sleeping in my bed, which is that I have a twin-size bed.
KAYLA: Mm, yeah.
SARAH: And my dog is not that big, but you know.
KAYLA: It does do it. Sometimes my cat sleeps with me in my double bed and it's too much, because she… I'll just roll over her on accident.
SARAH: Yeah, I like couldn't really move my legs very much because it would disturb her but then I was like, I need to move my legs…
KAYLA: But then if you disturb them they don’t leave
SARAH: And then my parents came back home and then she started ignoring me again.
KAYLA: Wow. Rude.
SARAH: But they're leaving me again this weekend, so she has no choice.
KAYLA: And she does have a very good Halloween costume.
SARAH: She does.
KAYLA: Which by now you've seen.
SARAH: You will have seen. Yeah. Alright…
KAYLA: Very good
SARAH: So, we already talked about our poll. We talked about your cat, we talked about my dog. What is your beef?
KAYLA: Ooh, okay. I'll start with my juices. One of my juices is kiwi birds.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: They are very good and silly-looking. Have you seen one?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Look one up. Everyone take a moment.
SARAH: Kiwi bird. Kiwi bird.
KAYLA: How wild is that?
SARAH: It looks like a middle aged man with a bad haircut.
KAYLA: They just like have two legs and they're really plump and they just hop around and it's wild. When they...
SARAH: If you look up kiwi bird and you go to images on Google images, the first one that you get it's from doc.government.newzealand. It looks like a middle-aged white man.
KAYLA: I mean they're brown.
SARAH: It looks like the... but like the body of it looks like a haircut.
KAYLA: Yeah, well they look like kiwis is the thing, because they’re brown and fuzzy
SARAH: Yeah, it's almost like there's a reason they're called kiwi. Oh my god! This... Someone edited a kiwi bird to be cut up into kiwi slices and it freaked me out.
KAYLA: Yes. Um, anyway, so kiwi birds are very good. They hop around, they look wild, they mate for life, and when they...
SARAH: Also, it looks like they're kiwis themselves because they’re from New Zealand
KAYLA: And they look like kiwis. And when they mate to like court each other, they just like hop around and like poke each other with their beaks, which is very fun and fresh and flirty and sexy.
SARAH: That's how I court people as well.
KAYLA: I literally sent it to Dean because sometimes me and Dean like to just run into each other and yell, MOSH! And I sent it to him and I was like, this is us and how we court each other.
SARAH: Wow. Have you ever been in a real mosh pit?
KAYLA: No, which makes it even more fun.
SARAH: I once was like on the very, very outside of a real mosh pit and I had kind of a panic attack.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair. They look scary.
SARAH: Yeah, it wasn't good.
KAYLA: Another - no, I'm talking - another juice I have is when it's raining and you're driving and you get your windshield wiper at just the right speed, because I have this thing where I really care about what other people think of me. So sometimes when I'm driving and I think that my windshield wipers are going much faster than the other people's, I'm like, oh my God, those people are judging me because my windshield wipers are so fast.
SARAH: See, I'm the kind of person that always puts my windshield wipers faster than everyone else. Like I, that water needs to be gone.
KAYLA: See, but when I do that, I'm like, oh my God, these people think I'm stupid. Anyway, but sometimes you get it at just the right speed where like the windshield wiper comes just as there's too much water and it's very good.
SARAH: Our friend Evan, I'm sorry, our acquaintance Evan, does, he leaves it for so long. Like we were driving.
KAYLA: See, but then it starts squeaking and that's not what you want.
SARAH: Well, but it was literally, it was just starting to rain and I was like, Evan, I cannot see out of the windshield and you haven't turned your wipers on yet.
KAYLA: Oh my god.
SARAH: Like we're going to die. We're going to die here on the highway in Canada.
KAYLA: Yikes, that's not what you want.
SARAH: So, anyway, yeah, I always put mine much faster than everyone else. It's just my life.
KAYLA: I can't, I get stressed. Um, let's see. Those are the juices I can think of, I feel like I had more but I didn't write them down.
SARAH: I always write them down and that's why I have so many.
KAYLA: I know. Um, I think my beef is when, oh no, my other juice is that I got Sarah a job working part-time at my job and now it's fun because now I can complain to her about work and she like gets it and it's very fun.
SARAH: Yeah, tomorrow…
KAYLA: We’re working together
SARAH: On spooky Halloween we're working together and we're both wearing our bear onesies.
KAYLA: And it's going to be very, oh I need to check my closet to make sure I still have it here. It's going to be very good. Um, oh yeah, I get to wear my onesie to work tomorrow which is another good juice. That's very fun.
SARAH: Technically you could wear your onesie to work any day you wanted, right?
KAYLA: I mean I guess because there's no technical dress code but I don't know how well it would go over.
SARAH: I don't know, there's only one way to find out.
KAYLA: It's true, I'm allowed to wear a hat so maybe I am. And like a full sweatsuit, I can just wear sweats all the time.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Um, and I do.
SARAH: A leisure suit.
KAYLA: A leisure suit.
SARAH: Get you, you're going to do some leisureing.
KAYLA: Oh wait, I thought of another juice. The Jeffree Star Shane Dawson series.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Chef's Kiss on YouTube. He's like, Shane Dawson's doing a documentary about like, a docu-series about like him making a makeup palette and like how it actually works to like make makeup.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: And it's just very interesting to see like the actual inside of like the beauty industry and like how they talk explicitly about like how much money things cost and like how much money people make, which is just like very interesting because no one really talks about the money stuff like that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, it has been very interesting. The palette launches either tomorrow or the next day, I don't know, but like the last episode of the docu-series as it is right now came out yesterday and it's just very interesting. I would recommend. I know that they're both like controversial people at times.
SARAH: They are.
KAYLA: But it's like quality entertainment. So, like to me it's like whatever, like I'm here to be entertained, you know?
SARAH: Are you not entertained?
KAYLA: Well, but you know how sometimes you're like, I don't feel like caring about like the politics of this. I don't need to apologize for like watching something that's entertaining, you know?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Anyway, and I love Shane Dawson very much, so shut up. Okay.
SARAH: Do you have beef?
KAYLA: Beef is that sometimes people don't respond to their emails when they're supposed to and it ruins my life.
SARAH: Yeah, that checks out.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay. Well, my beef is okay. So last…
KAYLA: Drama.
SARAH: Last week I talked about Ronan Farrow's book Catch and Kill. The week before I talked about how Lovett and Ronan got engaged. My beef this week is that because I got so invested in their engagement, I ended up diving way too deep on the Pod Save America guys, like all of them, mind you…
KAYLA: How unshocking is this?
[00:40:00]
SARAH: I've been listening to this podcast for solidly a year. I've known about it for like a year and a half. I've been able to like put a face to the voices for most of that time. Like it's not like I'm like just now figuring out who they are. Like I've been new. I follow all of them on Twitter. I have been. This isn't new, but my hyperfixing brain is like, you know what? We're in a bit of a lull from our last hyperfixation. So, time to get obsessed with a fandom that doesn't have a ton of content outside of like the actual politics. This is a good idea. Now is the time. I don't care if you've already been invested for a year. It's time to get way too invested in the people as well. What the fuck, brain?
KAYLA: That’s wild
SARAH: As a follow up, my juice is that Ronan Farrow is a guest on this week's Love It or Leave It.
KAYLA: I thought you were going to say on this week's podcast, he's just going to pop out.
SARAH: Yeah, he is. No, he's, okay, here's, by the time this has come out, I will have already heard it because it's coming out on Saturday. But they're recording it tonight on a Wednesday. They don't usually do that on Wednesdays.
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: They usually do it on Thursday or Friday. So, I will have to live with the fact that it was recorded tonight, but I'm not going to hear it till Saturday. I'm going to lose my shit. Other joos.
KAYLA: Don't people feel that way about our podcast?
SARAH: I hope so. Because they're really invested in our relationship.
KAYLA: I would like to think that at least. Remember, like, our second poll ever was like, do you shit me and Sarah?
SARAH: Yeah. And let's be real, I would be the love it in this situation because I feel very uncomfortable talking about emotions.
KAYLA: Wow, tea.
SARAH: And you're Ronan Farrow because your mom is Mia Farrow.
KAYLA: Wow, okay.
SARAH: Other juice, the TV show Big Little Lies. Other huice, the song Pierre by Ryn Weaver. Other juice, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Jack Dorsey did something good?
KAYLA: I don't even know who that is.
SARAH: He's the founder and CEO of Twitter.
KAYLA: Oh, oh yeah, I did see that.
SARAH: They announced today that they're not going to allow any political ads on Twitter. Wild.
KAYLA: I thought of something else that happened.
SARAH: I'm in between juices, what?
KAYLA: So, there's a big thing going on right now about like planting 20 million trees. Have you seen this?
SARAH: I have.
KAYLA: So, I guess Elon Musk donated like a million of them or something. And I had a coworker who was like, oh my god, that's so awesome. What are your thoughts on this? Because in my mind, I was like, that doesn't really make me like Elon Musk anymore because I already think he's pretty sketchy. And I also think it's like kind of his duty to donate that much because he has so much fucking money. So, it like really it didn't excite me. And my coworker was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I was like, this just seems like what he should do every day.
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, I feel like people with that much power and influence should be consistently using their power and influence for good. I mean, I feel like everyone should be using whatever power and influence they have for good but like for people like him who they have so fucking much.
KAYLA: I mean, it's like he has billions of dollars. Like literally donating a million trees probably like didn't do anything to the amount of money he has.
SARAH: Which is probably why he did it.
KAYLA: Right, so I was like, this is fun and I'm glad he did it. But like, I'm not like super like, whoa.
SARAH: He's not the savior in this situation. And like, yeah, he does make cars that are better for the environment than other cars, but also they're so fucking expensive.
KAYLA: But only rich people…
SARAH: And he sent a car into space for fun.
KAYLA: That's very wild.
SARAH: So, you know.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You know, I realized recently, Elon Musk is in Iron Man 2.
KAYLA: He is?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Doing what?
SARAH: You know, like when they're at like the Grand Prix race in Monaco at the beginning and Tony hasn't been like, I'm going to drive the car yet. Like he's inside with Pepper, like talking to people. One of the people who he runs into is Elon Musk. And he's like, oh, hey Elon.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: I’ll talk to you later.
KAYLA: I don't remember this.
SARAH: I mean, I didn't realize it until I rewatched it recently.
KAYLA: I don't think Elon Musk was like as big of a meme when that movie came out.
SARAH: He wasn't. He wasn't. Yeah.
KAYLA: That's very wild.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay. Was that juice or beef?
KAYLA: It was just a thought that I had.
SARAH: Okay. My final juice is, this year was the first time in my entire life that I think I actually really appreciated Halloween for what it is. And I'm glad I did that. I'm glad I could get into the spooky spirit. Because like I just wasn't a big Halloween person before. Like as a kid, very shy, I didn't want to have to go up someone's door and say trick or treat, I didn't like most of the candy I got, therefore I wasn't that interested. But now I'm like, I like the spooky spirit. But with that said…
KAYLA: What did you do to celebrate?
SARAH: Nothing.
KAYLA: Cool
SARAH: With that said, it's now November, which means it's Christmas. It is two straight months of Christmas. And now when I say Christmas, I really refer to the spirit of the Halloween season. Spirit spooky. So, like Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and winter solstice and all of that. And even to some extent New Years, I consider them all a part of Christmas. But like for me, as an American who has been raised by a bunch of people who are kind of Christian, it's like Christmas is like the like… I just think of Christmas trees, you know?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Okay. also a part of Christmas is Thanksgiving. Some people think Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving. They are wrong. Christmas starts November 1st. Thanksgiving is simply a part of the Christmas time late year holiday season.
KAYLA: People are going to disagree with this.
SARAH: I know. Thank you very much. I am a strong believer that Christmas music should be freely welcomed intermittently at any time of year. Whenever anyone feels like they need a little extra holiday joy to add a spring into their step. Once November hits, however, it's fully time for Christmas music at any time anywhere and you cannot stop me.
KAYLA: That's true. You can't. I've lived with Sarah several times during the Christmas time.
SARAH: My juice is Christmas. Also, this year, can we do a ranking of our top three holiday songs?
KAYLA: Right now? I need time.
SARAH: No, later. And can I give a special award to the Elf's Lament? Because I don't think it's good enough for an honorable mention, but I do think it's unique and underrated enough to get a special mention.
KAYLA: We can do different categories, how about?
SARAH: Okay. I also have a…
KAYLA: That one can be like, wildest.
SARAH: It's wild. Also, I have a question.
KAYLA: Yeah?
SARAH: For our listeners.
KAYLA: Oh, not for me. Okay, that's fine.
SARAH: Because someone is bound to be more educated than me. I told you about this the other day and then I was like, I'll ask the podcast folks. Okay, I've been using the habitual be a lot lately, as in like, I be working', she be going' off.
KAYLA: Bitches be crazy.
SARAH: Bitches be crazy. But the only dialects of English in which that is standard are African American Vernacular English and Caribbean English. I am white. Does my use of the habitual be count as appropriation?
KAYLA: An interesting question.
SARAH: Because I find it to just be like, a good grammatical structure. Because there is no other succinct way in English language to say what you can say with the habitual be. But because its use is generally associated with AAVE and I am both white and did not grow up in a community where AAVE was spoken, is it bad for me to be using it? Vote no on your phones.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't have any knowledge on that.
SARAH: Just trying to be woke but also use useful grammatical structures.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: So, you know, there's a lot to take in from this episode.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That's all I've got. If you want to tell me I'm racist, tell us on our Twitter.
KAYLA: Oh boy.
SARAH: Please don't be mean.
KAYLA: Please don't be mean.
SARAH: @SoundsFakePod everywhere. Also, if you haven't seen our fun Halloween pic on Instagram, look at it. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our $2 patrons are Keith McBlaine, Roxanne, Aliceisinspace, Anonymous, Mariah Walter, Jonathan, Christopher T Verdieri, Patrick Jackson, Andrew Yang, Ninny, Courtney Jones, Eric B, Amanda Juntton, and Maddie. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Esrita Venakota, Austin Leigh, Drew Fanny, Perifiero Dee, Megan Rowell, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Tim, Ryan Lutcietti, Bookmarvel, and Changeling MX. Spooky.
KAYLA: Ha.
SARAH: Okay. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyunclekevin @tessa_m_k, Arcness who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote Tabletop Games, Anonymous who would like to promote Halloween, we got to ask Anonymousk.
KAYLA: Oh I know.
SARAH: Anonymousk. What do they want to promote now other than spooky Halloween? I realized I started saying spooky Halloween because of Jen from the Golden Ratio. I realized that when they came out with a podcast today that's called spooky Halloween and I was like oh yeah that's where I got it from. Sarah McCoy who would like to promote a podcast from a Planet Weird, my aunt Jeannie would like to promote Christopher's Haven, our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, Nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, my mom Julie would like to promote Free Mom Hugs, Sarah Jones who is @eternalolli everywhere, and Dragonfly. What's Dragonfly going to promote this week?
KAYLA: This week Dragonfly is promoting...
SARAH: Ronan Farrow and John Lovett’s engagement again.
KAYLA: Didn't they do that last week?
SARAH: Maybe even the week before.
[00:50:00]
KAYLA: No, now they're promoting black cats because black cats are the least adopted cats.
SARAH: They deserve your respect and love.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Alright, thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your spooky cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]