Hey what's up hello! This week we give you some very serious and wonderful options of things to do when someone comes out to you as aro, ace, or any other queer identity! From throwing appropriately colored confetti to discussing the word nougat, there's a lot of great options.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/what-to-do-when-someone-comes-out-to-you
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! This week we give you some very serious and wonderful options of things to do when someone comes out to you as aro, ace, or any other queer identity! From throwing appropriately colored confetti to discussing the word nougat, there's a lot of great options.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/what-to-do-when-someone-comes-out-to-you
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey what's up hello welcome to sounds fake but okay a podcast where an aro-ace girl I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode, what to do when someone comes out to you as ace or aro
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod
KAYLA: M’elatonin, that's the one I wrote down two times ago
SARAH: Mm. Good for you
KAYLA: If you haven't seen on Twitter there's a new animatic
SARAH: Animatic
KAYLA: Animatic by M’ara Dove
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: I feel like they'll like that, it's very good, would recommend
SARAH: I mean the animatic is good the M’ara Dove that you just did was not
KAYLA: But I feel like M’a Dove will appreciate it
SARAH: Probably, okay. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Wait, I have one thing
SARAH: Oh, oh
KAYLA: Well, no, I was just going to say we're recording this on… what day is it the 17th…
SARAH: Monday
KAYLA: Which is a Monday, we're doing a Monday recording again which is weird recording the day after it comes out and then yeah, it's very distant like I forgot to put up the episode until very late because we had recorded it, anyway.
SARAH: I didn't even finish editing it till like Friday
KAYLA: I know, but… and then I forgot about it, anyway
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: We're professionals but when you're listening this Aro Awareness Week will have just ended
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And hopefully exciting things happened, exciting things…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Are supposed to be happening but for us they haven't happened yet so they…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: But for you they should have already happened
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: How cryptic
KAYLA: Yeah, yes
SARAH: Okay, Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, yes, not yesterday, several hours ago Sarah texted me and said we are going to do a silly episode that's going to be what to do when someone comes out to you as aspec or I'm adding aro-spec because I know that's what you meant
SARAH: Yeah, that is what I meant. Um now this has been in the 2020 schedule for weeks
KAYLA: Which I didn't know existed, so.
SARAH: Yeah so, it's not like this is something I threw at her last minute
KAYLA: But you did because I didn't know that doc existed
SARAH: It's not my fault you didn't… I've been updating the doc
KAYLA: I mean, I believe you, but I've been… I updated the website yesterday and I bet you didn't even notice, so
SARAH: No, because I don't often just go to our website but you have to be in our Google Drive at least once a week
KAYLA: Oh mom
SARAH: Anyway
KAYLA: This is it; this is how the podcast breaks up, I knew it, I knew it
SARAH: Okay all right anyway we're going to talk about things to do if a person or object comes out to you as ace aro or just queer in general. I think a lot of these could be applicable to various queer identities
KAYLA: Honestly, most of mine are applicable to someone telling you anything
SARAH: Literally anything?
KAYLA: I mean, yes
SARAH: Cool, all right I'm going to start with maybe in my most serious one, which is take them to a celebratory dinner or as the British would say celebratory
KAYLA: They say that?
SARAH: I learned that from the Great British Bake Off
KAYLA: Oh, that's very exciting
SARAH: At least some people in the UK say celebratory, I don’t know if everyone does
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: But take them for a celebratory dinner?
KAYLA: I think that's a good idea
SARAH: Just have a good time whether it's like Wendy's or like a fancy restaurant
KAYLA: Chipotle, the fanciest restaurant
SARAH: Or somewhere in between
KAYLA: I'm going to start with my most realistic, which is to say oh okay and then wait about two years and then say we should start a podcast about that
SARAH: That's pretty realistic
KAYLA: Because that's pretty much I think exactly what I did
SARAH: I would say a year and a half might be more realistic
KAYLA: Okay thank you
SARAH: A year and a half or so yeah, yeah. I mean I think that turned out pretty well for us
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm having a good time
SARAH: So, yeah that's definitely… I mean you do have to wait that time, you know it doesn't quite work if you're just like let's do a podcast immediately because you really have to um…
KAYLA: To marinate
SARAH: Marinate, yeah or as I would say marinade, because I just use the word marinade for everything there is no such thing as marinating…
KAYLA: Sarah
SARAH: It’s all marinading
KAYLA: What setting is our microphone supposed to be on?
SARAH: Oh, girl it's supposed to be on one
KAYLA: Shit
SARAH: Oh girl
KAYLA: Okay, now it's on one
SARAH: Kayla's audio is about to change for y'all
KAYLA: Uh okay, I mean the sound waves look the same
SARAH: But it definitely sounds different
KAYLA: I'm sorry I was just using them… I was using my microphone at work and I needed it on three, and now it’s at one I’m sorry
SARAH: Where were we?
KAYLA: Uh, it’s your turn?
SARAH: My turn? Knit them a scarf
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: And if you can’t knit them a scarf, my mom could so just come…
KAYLA: Commission Sarah’s mum, or my mom actually
SARAH: Yeah, commission either of our moms to knit a scarf for this person
KAYLA: I think it…
SARAH: Or do it yourself if you can
KAYLA: It should also be like in the appropriate colors
SARAH: Oh yeah, I mean I thought that was kind of implied
KAYLA: Uh my next one is a firm handshake
SARAH: That's a great thing to do, unless you're a Vulcan
KAYLA: Are they not allowed to do that?
SARAH: Like a handshake for Vulcans is like the equivalent of sex
KAYLA: That’s how they have babies?
SARAH: Yeah, that's why like the first Vulcan like for the first contact between humans and Vulcans like the Vulcans had been watching humans for a while so they knew that like it was standard to like handshake but like I saw this post on the internet about how like the first Vulcan who like volunteered to do that had had to have been like a crazy motherfucker because like he knew that it meant something different to humans but he was still like yeah I'll fucking have sex with you the first time we meet
KAYLA: But, is that how babies are made?
SARAH: I'm not sure
KAYLA: I don't like that, what if you just accidentally touch hands
SARAH: I think it has to be intentional
KAYLA: I don't think that's how sex works
SARAH: Listen…
KAYLA: That's like falling into someone's vagina. Sarah, I know you've never had sex but like you have to know that that's not how it does
SARAH: I'm not the one who came up with this
KAYLA: Well, I don't want to…
SARAH: I think we’re really lost we're talking about Star Trek
KAYLA: I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype that like the people that made Star Trek are virgins because I feel like that's something people talk about as an insult and it's not but like the mechanics of that make me think that the people that came up with that just don't… they just don't
SARAH: I don't know if it's necessarily the same as having sex I guess but it's a very intimate thing to do…
KAYLA: But that's…
SARAH: Maybe that's what it is
KAYLA: That still brings up the thing of you could do it accidentally
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't like it
SARAH: I'm sorry, um so a firm handshake unless you're dealing with a Vulcan in which case maybe not
KAYLA: I get a fist bump is that allowed?
SARAH: No, you would have to ask Spock
KAYLA: Is like a fist bump the equivalent to a hug or a handshake is a kiss like
SARAH: I don't know, yeah, I mean you'd have to ask Spock he probably has the best grasp on it given that he's half human half…
KAYLA: Grasp? get it because…
SARAH: Yeah, no I got that, thank you
KAYLA: Hands
SARAH: Now, does that mean like every time you like pick up a pencil, you're like having sex with the pencil?
KAYLA: I just feel like none of this was well thought out by whoever came up with this
SARAH: What if you're like petting a dog?
KAYLA: That's… yeah. I mean that's bestiality. What if like if he's half human half Vulcan is it like he's doing half sex is like with the right hand it's sex but the left hand it's not?
SARAH: Um
KAYLA: Or is jean split down, if a Vulcan wore jeans what would it look like?
SARAH: I think we know exactly what a Vulcan would look like
KAYLA: You know what's sad?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Is that if the them. article brought us like any new listeners this is… this is it
SARAH: I have nothing to say
KAYLA: I mean like first of all I'm sorry and second of all I'm not I guess
SARAH: Okay, okay, okay I found the post, this just says humanity's first contact with Vulcans was some guy going I'm down to fuck Vulcans first contact with humans was an emphatic sure
KAYLA: I mean yeah seems like it
SARAH: Uh actual footage of first contact makeouts okay I don't know that it's sex but it's definitely uh it's a truly beautiful post, it's very long
KAYLA: I just don't agree with whoever came up with this
SARAH: Anyway, I would say we should post it but I don't know if I want to put my fucking Tumblr URL on blast
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: You can just block it out
SARAH: It's a long post
KAYLA: We'll figure it out
SARAH: Okay. Anyway, um follow up to you could offer to deck anyone who asks them inappropriate questions about it?
KAYLA: That's good, I love violence
SARAH: Like decking… deck them um in like a human way not like in a Vulcan way because that could be interpreted as sexual uh we're back to humans only
KAYLA: Thank you for that clarification
SARAH: You're welcome
KAYLA: I think you could give them a cat
SARAH: Give them a cat?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Now, do you think that is um perpetuating stereotypes about um like lonely old cat ladies?
KAYLA: Oh no, I just think cats are nice and it would be like a congratulations, here is a present and cats are a good present
SARAH: Okay, are they allowed to have cats wherever they live, are they ready to be a cat parent?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Do they have the money to be a cat parent?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: I feel like there's a lot of variables here
KAYLA: Fine, give them like a frog, I don't know
SARAH: I think there's just a lot of variables to consider
KAYLA: I think you should give them a cat
SARAH: Now I'm thinking about the fact that if we have new listeners from that BEM article this is definitely it, listen y'all…
KAYLA: Yeah, I know Sarah I know
SARAH: Well, you know…
KAYLA: They're going to come to this one and be like nope and then they're just going to go to A-okay instead be like much better much better
SARAH: Much more
KAYLA: Much more professional
SARAH: Anyway, um is it my turn?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Yeah. I think that you could do um an interpretive dance that conveys how happy you are that they felt comfortable enough to tell you
KAYLA: I just really want to see you do… I would like to see a demonstration of what like a happy interpretive dance is but I can't see you
SARAH: This is a podcast… this is an audio
KAYLA: Could you describe it to me in words?
SARAH: Um a lot of just… you know like when you um like hold hands with people and then you like make a wave that goes like through your arms?
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: Like that um but just by yourself
KAYLA: I mean yeah… I don't know why you had to go through the description of holding other people's hands, I think people do that by themselves a lot
SARAH: Well, I was trying… I didn't want you to think I was talking about like the wave
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Uh there's definitely some of that in there, maybe a shimmy or two
KAYLA: Hmm
SARAH: Maybe even three if you're feeling crazy
KAYLA: Wow
SARAH: Um and like uh a hitch kick
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: If y'all don’t know what a hitch kick is, just google it
KAYLA: Oh okay
SARAH: I don't know how to explain it
KAYLA: Wow
SARAH: It's best to just watch it
KAYLA: Tragic
SARAH: What else should a person do, if the person around them comes out as aro, ace, queer?
KAYLA: Uh, throw them a quinceañera
SARAH: Hmm, yeah
KAYLA: Or the… you know non-culturally appropriated equivalent, a party I guess where they wear a nice dress
SARAH: Yeah, that's just… like a wedding
KAYLA: A self-wedding but like without the stereotypes that it brings, like a birthday party…
SARAH: Just a nice party
KAYLA: And then every year on the anniversary of them coming out you can have like a coming out birthday party, this is just…
SARAH: Yeah, that's nice
KAYLA: Zero with one
SARAH: Yes, this is the zero with one, this is your coming out day, you have come out…
KAYLA: When is your coming out day?
SARAH: I… there isn't one
KAYLA: When's my coming out day?
SARAH: I don't know, we could probably track that one a little bit easier
KAYLA: Yeah, someone let me know
SARAH: Mine I have genuinely no idea
KAYLA: Would it be when you made that Tumblr post that I saw
SARAH: I guess, I would… it would take me a while to figure out when I posted that though
KAYLA: No, I could bet… I could go through our messages I feel I can find it
SARAH: Oh boy, now I kind of want to
KAYLA: If you just go through… I don't think we've talked a lot on the Tumblr messages, I think you could easily find it
SARAH: No, we haven't and when we have done… oh wow, it sends me straight back to 2017 hold on
KAYLA: Oh, most of the time we talk through like your Tumblr and the pod Tumblr…
SARAH: And the pod Tumblr, yeah
KAYLA: Though that one picture has been blowing up recently
SARAH: Oh, fun. um yeah no this is all 2017, me talking about watching too many 9-11 videos
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: Remember when I did that? I just watched so many videos about 9-11
KAYLA: I mean, I don't vividly remember it but that sounds like something you would do
SARAH: I got down a rabbit hole, I mean it was fascinating
KAYLA: Now I want to look it up
SARAH: You just sent me a bunch of s's
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: Um on August 29th 2016 your stomach hurt
KAYLA: Why were we… why are you and I just using your cell phone number
SARAH: You sent a post to me and then you told me…
KAYLA: Imagine Mr. Weasley on a Segway
SARAH: Yeah, I saw that one too, isn't that one nice
KAYLA: Yeah, it was good, why did we talk so much?
SARAH: We talk a lot now
KAYLA: But like I mean on Tumblr like stop, oh that's a lot of s's you're right
SARAH: Yeah so many s's
KAYLA: Well, you sent a lot of letters too to be fair
SARAH: Oh… uh it was uh June 22nd 2016…
KAYLA: That you made the post?
SARAH: That you responded to it
KAYLA: Okay but when did you make the post? Wait, what did I say, can you read it to me?
SARAH: Oh, you didn’t respond to the post itself
KAYLA: Fuck
SARAH: So, I would have to dive real deep
KAYLA: Oh, what did I say?
SARAH: You said Sarah why you write these surprises in your ask memes I am your father JK you don't have to tell me anything it's not my business I just felt like messaging you bye
KAYLA: It is not how I remember that going
SARAH: And then I said because I am a human who is too scared to bring these things up to people's faces oops
KAYLA: Yeah, that's very fair, okay well it has to be sometime in either late May or early June
SARAH: I can look through my tags, I think… I think you responded that same day, I'm just trying to remember what my tags are, where I could find it
KAYLA: I'm assuming I would have seen it the same day because I was otherwise it would have been buried
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Well, that's your birthday I guess
SARAH: We're getting really distracted here
KAYLA: Yeah, this is definitely the point of the episode
SARAH: I'm surprised we haven't done this on an episode before
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm kind of shocked, oh there's my cat
SARAH: Sorry, I just found this post where I just said I can't get my cheese open please send help
KAYLA: Oh my god, it's the most you thing I've ever heard
SARAH: Oh no, oh, this is from three years ago it says raise your hand if you're confused about your romantic orientation and also really bad at reading people so you can never tell if people are flirting with you or if they're just being friendly and then raise his hand, do a little jig
KAYLA: Wow, on brand so long ago
SARAH: So much jiggery-pokery. Oh, there you go, um I’m checking the date give me the fucking date you piece of trash, don’t just tell me three years ago
KAYLA: I’m trying to find my games on my phone this whole time
SARAH: It just says three years ago because of the way my theme is
KAYLA: That's very upsetting
SARAH: It’s useless, oh my God, fuck, I'm guessing it was that same day, I’m guessing it was…
KAYLA: Twenty second
SARAH: Yeah, I’m good, 22nd
KAYLA: All right, well you heard it here first folks, it's not for so many months, we can't even like celebrate it
SARAH: I know
KAYLA: Uh someone who likes to listen to back episodes like Kevin uh decide when my coming out birthday is
SARAH: Hey Kevin
KAYLA: Hey Kevin
SARAH: Listen
KAYLA: Listen, he's always just binging from like episode one might as well do something with it you know?
SARAH: We love you Kevin
KAYLA: We do love you Kevin
SARAH: Anyway, wow we got real off topic
KAYLA: Well now I can't finish this level of best fiends because we have to podcast again
SARAH: So sorry, I was just trying to find the date, June 22nd 2016
KAYLA: You should put that in your calendar so you don't forget, is that a Sunday this year will an episode come out on it? we should just do a birthday, I'll fly out, we'll do a birthday live stream
SARAH: Oh my God, it's a Monday
KAYLA: Oh, okay close
SARAH: And honestly um it's possible that I posted it on the 21st like late or something
KAYLA: I mean you get to decide, it's your birthday
SARAH: Do I want it to be on the summer solstice?
KAYLA: Ooh that's exciting, this is so stupid
SARAH: Anyway, um whose turn is it?
KAYLA: It's yours…I was… the quinceanera is what got us here
SARAH: Right, okay um things to do first comes out to you um have a platonic sleepover where you gossip not about crushes but about squishes
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Oh, that's cute
SARAH: Seems nice
KAYLA: It does seem good
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Uh I think you could have a seance
SARAH: Oh, and what who are we talking to?
KAYLA: I mean anyone
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: I feel like…
SARAH: Just a celebratory seance
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean like if we're following our thing that like asexual people are witches and that like we had a whole other pantheon, weren't like skeletons bi or something. I don’t know
SARAH: I don't remember
KAYLA: But I think that just goes with it you know what I’m saying
SARAH: Okay, yeah, I mean I can see it
KAYLA: There's definitely like historical figures that people are like this person was definitely ace or aro or queer you could talk to them I guess
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Figure that out
SARAH: Yeah, no I agree, uh my next one I don't like so I’m just deleting it um
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Uh the next one is um learn how to double dutch jump rope as a further bonding experience
KAYLA: I saw this video the other day of this man, I think he was competing for like the fastest jump rope for like the most amount of jumps in a minute or something and you couldn't even see the rope because he was going so fast it was insane
SARAH: Wow, do remember the movie Jump In?
KAYLA: Yeah obviously
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Just checking? okay
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Um was that a Disney movie?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I bet they've covered it, what's that podcast, A Podcast From A Planet Weird, I wonder if they've covered it
SARAH: I… if they haven't, I request that they do it
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: So, jot that down
KAYLA: Okay uh okay um you could throw appropriately colored confetti at them
SARAH: Yeah, just have all colors prepared
KAYLA: Well, yeah, you're going to have to have it at all times
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Just ready in case someone you know comes out as something
SARAH: But you won't need it… I was about to make a really bad joke you would know…
KAYLA: No, I would like it
SARAH: No
KAYLA: You can cut it out
SARAH: No
KAYLA: I want it for me
SARAH: It's not good, it's quite the stretch
KAYLA: Hmm okay
SARAH: Um you could uh do something very unromantic together in celebration like running a marathon
KAYLA: And did you see… uh who was it? someone on twitter…
SARAH: They ran a 5k for around but without their partner
KAYLA: On valentine's day, I don't think they shit either
SARAH: Wow, well it's a 5k you're not going to… you're not going to shit in a 5k unless something goes very wrong
KAYLA: What if you like have food poisoning?
SARAH: Well, that would be the definition of something going very wrong
KAYLA: Now my twitter isn't working so I can't find who rode the 5k, hello
SARAH: Rode the 5k
KAYLA: Our twitter is just so pop and it won't load, wow it's really not loading, I'll come back to that
SARAH: Okay, I'm trying to… it's a person who like we see around a lot, I can't… I just can't remember which one it is
KAYLA: I feel like it starts with a k
SARAH: I don't know
KAYLA: I know how that they have a cat, because then they post a picture of their cat
SARAH: That's true
KAYLA: Uh my next one is now I’m trying to remember if… uh say that's really cool but also your dog has been barking all day and I can hear it from my apartment and it's annoying and I have a headache, so could you go fix that and then we can celebrate about it
SARAH: Yeah, that's pretty fair
KAYLA: It was Cassie Zevig… Zevigne…
SARAH: Oh, okay I thought Cassie but then I couldn't… but then I was second guessing myself because I had seen a post that was completely unrelated by someone who's… the person who used to play Elsa on Broadway her name is Casey but it's spelled like Cassie just with an extra I in there and I was like I think that was in my head I didn't want to say Cassie because I thought that was just in my head
KAYLA: Uh sure, it's @cassandra7e
SARAH: Noise uh okay, another thing you could do is you could binge watch an entire season of Survivor together in one sitting and then afterwards do a queer reading of it
KAYLA: That's good I’ve been watching… I watched a whole season of Project Runway this weekend and I mean it's very queer but also I keep finding what… because I’m watching like from most recent to older I was watching season 11 and I had to keep yelling at my TV no racist because they're being racist and fatphobic because it was the early days and I’m alone so I was just literally saying things like no that's ugly and racist at my TV alone and at first… at the first part of the weekend I was saying nothing to my TV but just as the weekend just progressed I just keep telling my TV that it's being racist to the very nice Native American lady who's being a contestant and everyone is calling her crazy and I feel like they're being racist about it
SARAH: Oh no you hate to see it
KAYLA: That's all
SARAH: What's your next one?
KAYLA: My next one is to give them a goldfish either a live one or a flavor blasted one to eat
SARAH: Oh, I thought you were going to say a dead one
KAYLA: I mean you could also give them a dead one to eat
SARAH: So, you can either give them a cat, a frog, or a dead goldfish
KAYLA: Or the cracker, or a live one you can eat a live goldfish I’m sure if you wanted to so bad
SARAH: I bought some flavor blasted goldfish today
KAYLA: I was eating flavor blasted goldfish today and the huge milk carton of them is…
SARAH: Yeah, that's what I bought…
KAYLA: Got into my computer
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Connected
SARAH: You could also just uh make sure they're registered to vote, uh if they're too young to vote um uh skip this one, um if they were formerly incarcerated and they live in a state where they can't vote because of that um you should maybe protest um uh but if they're not a US citizen uh skip this one um unless they're trying to become a US citizen in which case help them…
KAYLA: This is a very complicated one
SARAH: I'm just saying if they're eligible to vote make sure they're registered to vote
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Super Tuesday is coming up
KAYLA: Um I think that you could take them to Disney World
SARAH: Not Disneyland?
KAYLA: Disney World is better and I think we all know that
SARAH: Yeah, no I agree the only thing Disneyland has over Disney World is the cars um land
KAYLA: Yeah, but like no
SARAH: I know, I agree that Disney World is better
KAYLA: I’m going there in like two weeks
SARAH: Am I not?
KAYLA: I’m very excited
SARAH: Um another thing you could do uh if a person comes out to you specifically arospec, aspec um is to rescue a husky puppy name him David Jay and then co-parent him with the person who came out to you
KAYLA: Why couldn't they name it Kayla or Sarah?
SARAH: David Jay
KAYLA: I mean I know but us
SARAH: But David Jay
KAYLA: Yeah, have you considered us though?
SARAH: Yasmin Benoit
KAYLA: Yeah, what about that? What if you adopt four huskies?
SARAH: David, Yasmin, Sarah, and Kayla
KAYLA: I think those go together really good, you know I have… you know the Herb and Georgie the kind of plush they are?
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: I have two others I have a cat one and a unicorn one so I mean I just need two more and I could just have David, Yasmin, Kayla, and Sarah
SARAH: Mm, yeah you could
KAYLA: And also, Georgie
SARAH: But like no you have Herbert
KAYLA: Wait, shit, I couldn’t remember
SARAH: Fucking idiot
KAYLA: That leads me to my next thing is that you could adopt a cow, there's those like rescue barns where you can like pay them per month…
SARAH: Like sponsor a cow? yeah
KAYLA: That's something I want to do so bad
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I want the podcast to adopt a cow Sarah
SARAH: You've told me this before
KAYLA: I know but I think about it
SARAH: I know but we don't have um money
KAYLA: Okay listen become a patron and we'll all adopt a cow together
SARAH: Oh god, okay, um another thing you could do is uh scour your local craft breweries for beers that have the word ace or other queer words in the title um acquire those beers then party
KAYLA: I think you could buy a bunch of decks of cards and then replace all of the cards that aren't aces with aces
SARAH: Mm, on a similar note my next one is actually um… play a game of cards, spoons maybe, or euchre but the twist is that every time you run across a card that is an ace you have to make a turkey gobble noise at full volume
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: Just to remind everyone to be aware
KAYLA: But why that noise?
SARAH: Um at thanksgiving my aunt always makes that noise a lot
KAYLA: Which one?
SARAH: The turkey gobble noise, I can't do it
KAYLA: Which aunt?
SARAH: My aunt Annie
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: The one who got a kidney
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Uh and also my cousin Michael is very good at it as well so it just came to me
KAYLA: I think you could plant a tree
SARAH: Mm, any specific type or location or?
KAYLA: Nope
SARAH: Okay just a tree, okay. You could… uh the person you came out to you could build them an altar to aphrodite or artemis whichever is more applicable in their case
KAYLA: Mm, that's good
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I think you could… there's these… this… I think it's in Ireland there's just like wide expanses of land and someone will sell you like a square foot of it and you can say you like own land in Ireland, so you could give them that and say it's the ace capital of the world or the aro capital of the world or whatever…
SARAH: Oh wow, that’s stunning
KAYLA: It is capital of the world, thank you…
SARAH: That's beautiful
KAYLA: Thank you
SARAH: You could congratulate them and then invite them to join you on your crusade to abolish the electoral college
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That's exciting
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: You could do one of those things where you buy someone like a star and you get to name it um and then it could be the queer capital of the universe
SARAH: Oh, wow that's great
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I’m loving where you're going here
KAYLA: Yeah, I’m off my list now I don't know if you can tell
SARAH: I mean I’m impressed that this is…
KAYLA: But I got off my list several ago
SARAH: Yeah, um you could make a cake that says fuck sex on it and then tell people they can only have some of the cake if they genuinely prefer cake to sex
KAYLA: I have a few things about this is…
SARAH: Irony?
KAYLA: Well, just the phrase fuck sex is that you're like fucking sex which is still sex
SARAH: Irony, that there is intended to be a level of irony there
KAYLA: Okay, the other thing I’m thinking of is a TikTok I saw where this girl baked her friend a cake for losing her virginity and then she had another roommate and so she just baked her a cake for having a good day at work
SARAH: It's like the uh congrats on the sex cake
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Or… yes. I agree
SARAH: Amazing, um what else could… what else could you do if…
KAYLA: Oh, it's my turn oh no
SARAH: It is, yeah
KAYLA: I think… oh no I was doing so good being off my list, I think you could sign them up as a patron on our patreon
SARAH: Now are you signing up in their name or are you signing up and volunteering their money?
KAYLA: You're in their name
SARAH: Okay, I just wanted to clarify that you could uh together sit down and say I’m so happy you've shared this with me I have something I want to tell you and then tell them to think about how weird the word nougat is and then discuss
KAYLA: Like the thing that's in candy?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess that's a weird word
SARAH: It's a weird fucking word
KAYLA: Um… oh no you could get your nails done in the appropriate colors or dye your hair in the appropriate colors or get a tattoo in the appropriate colors
SARAH: What about a tattoo?
KAYLA: No, you have to get it on your toe
SARAH: What about a um tattoo? that's the Australian version
KAYLA: I don't like that
SARAH: Well, I don't know what you want me to… I don’t know what you want me to do it's how the Australians say it
KAYLA: I don't like it
SARAH: Well, take it up with the Australians
KAYLA: I will
SARAH: Do you know any Australians?
KAYLA: I do actually, there's one that lives here
SARAH: Wow, that's exciting, I was going to say worst comes to worst you're one person removed from an Australian because I’m…
KAYLA: No, I know one, he says things like bushy
SARAH: Does he say tattoo?
KAYLA: I’ve never asked him
SARAH: You should ask him how he pronounces that word
KAYLA: Uh okay I’ll work on that I’ll get back to you
SARAH: Okay, um if someone comes out to you, you could tell them you’d love to buy them some celebratory balloons but balloons are actually really bad for the environment and also there's a worldwide helium shortage so here is a small succulent instead his name is Marcus Aurelius
KAYLA: Don't you think that could also perpetuate some stereotypes?
SARAH: Why?
KAYLA: Plants
SARAH: Oh fuck. I just want you… I just… I…
KAYLA: Wouldn't know, I know
SARAH: Can the tree do the same?
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess I didn't think about it, I don't think as of trees as plants I guess
SARAH: Trees are plants
KAYLA: I know but it's like the square and the rectangle thing you know
SARAH: Okay, listen I at first, I was like do ace people caring about the environment is that a stereotype?
KAYLA: That's a pretty good one to be honest
SARAH: Um uh remind them that the succulent is just a friend named Marcus Aurelius
KAYLA: What so now they need friends because of their orientation?
SARAH: No, it's just a friend for them like I can… like I’m so happy for you uh this is a showing of my love uh his name is Marcus Aurelius
KAYLA: Okay, you could paint your body in those colors like it's a sporting event but you're just celebrating the sport of life baby
SARAH: Okay. Um you could ask them if they'd like to join you in stealing the hard copies of and then ceremonially burning all existing anti-queer legislation worldwide um it's going to be a big fucking bonfire so bring your marshmallows and your s'more fixins whatever is right for you, I originally just said uh join you in ceremonially burning all the existing anti-queer legislation worldwide and then I was like are we like printing it out because that's really bad for the environment and this last one we were just talking about how balloons are bad for the environment so we're just stealing the hard copies that already exist and burning those
KAYLA: What about stealing the declaration of independence together?
SARAH: Um, I’m busy
KAYLA: But that's what you could do to celebrate when they come out
SARAH: But I’m busy
KAYLA: So, you can steal those but not the declaration of independence?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It seems racist
SARAH: Unless the declaration of independence has some anti-queer legislation in it
KAYLA: I’m sure it does
SARAH: Well, it's not legislative
KAYLA: Yeah, but you know how they were, listen…
SARAH: Was that your next one?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Okay uh make a queer zine together
KAYLA: Well, that's fun
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: You could brush their hair because a lot of people like getting their hair brushed
SARAH: That's true
KAYLA: And if they don't, then don’t
SARAH: Ask them first
KAYLA: Well, yeah if they don't like it then don't but
SARAH: Also, if they have alopecia um find something else to do
KAYLA: Like scratch their scalp
SARAH: Yeah. Sure
KAYLA: People like that too, but I’ve also if they have curly hair don't do that you could just scratch my scalp
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: This is an open offering for you to scratch my scalp
SARAH: Oh god
KAYLA: I really hope I don't meet anyone ever from this podcast because I’m afraid they're going to scratch my scalp
SARAH: I was just thinking like what if you were like genuinely famous and you put that out into the world…
KAYLA: You know what happens
SARAH: People
KAYLA: God, I’m so glad we aren't famous at all, that'd be horrifying
SARAH: Oh Jesus, okay um another thing you could do if a person comes out to you is you could go to a karaoke bar and sing exclusively whatever non-love songs they have on hand and it might just mean you're singing let it go on repeat all night but you know what they deserve it…
KAYLA: That’s fine
SARAH: If they don't have more options for you, so
KAYLA: Or you could just like take romantic songs and make them not romantic and sing very loudly over the karaoke and fix it
SARAH: That's a really good point, um is that… was that your next one?
KAYLA: Yeah, because I don't have any other ones
SARAH: Okay. Um, you could just join forces and fucking dunk on everyone else
KAYLA: What if you're short?
SARAH: You can still dunk… you can like get on their shoulders
KAYLA: You could…
SARAH: Or they could like throw you and then you could dunk
KAYLA: Oh, that's good, you could stack up in a trench coat and then go to movies for less money because do um be gay do crime
SARAH: That's so real
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Uh you could create a group called aces against calling it almond milk when the reality is that it's just fucking nut juice and we should be honest about that
KAYLA: Well, but even if they're going to call it almond milk it should be almond milk not melk
SARAH: But it's not a dairy product. The dairy farmers of America fucking sued they're not allowed to call it almond milk anymore and I think they should just completely rebrand and call it nut juice
KAYLA: You could… I’m going to ignore all of that, you could reteach Sarah how to eat a sandwich right and Kevin how to eat a sushi right
SARAH: A sushi?
KAYLA: You saw the picture
[00:40:00]
SARAH: I would argue that if you're eating a sushi, he was doing it right because a single piece of sushi is you know it's a single bit of the sushi
KAYLA: That's not… no that's not how it works
SARAH: Um you could create a group called sane people for moving valentine's day to February 29th so we only have to fuck with it once every four years
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: I wanted to make this episode about things that um we uh should only do every four years like uh like February 29th because it's a leap year this year but I was like I can't come up with enough things so I decided I’d just throw that one in there
KAYLA: You can't come up with things we should only do every four years? I feel like there must be so many
SARAH: But like I think it would be a better argument to just say get rid of them
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair
SARAH: Whereas valentine's day like people will want to keep it around so like just once every four years, call it a day
KAYLA: That's fair
SARAH: Uh what else can people do?
KAYLA: Uh um could they make a sand castle
SARAH: A sand castle?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Mm, nice… like our… like with a moat?
KAYLA: Yeah, really big um life size actually you can get in it
SARAH: That's a lot of sand
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: How are you going to keep all that sand um moist enough?
KAYLA: Water
SARAH: But if it's life size some of it's going to be pretty far away from the water
KAYLA: Water
SARAH: Okay, um… okay, have I ever told you about mushy gush?
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: Mushy gush
KAYLA: No
SARAH: It's a very specific sand to water ratio
KAYLA: I don't like where this is going, this is another childhood Sarah thing
SARAH: Yes, um you could create a group called aces against weirdly sexual chocolate commercials
KAYLA: That's… or weirdly sexual perfume commercials
SARAH: Yeah, yeah. Weirdly sexual chocolate perfume commercials
KAYLA: Ew, gross, you could go pick up litter
SARAH: That is great, I’m out of things uh…
KAYLA: Yeah, I’ve been out of things
SARAH: I can tell
KAYLA: Hey, I was doing good at first
SARAH: You were, you really were, it has been brought to my attention you talked about the MEAP test last week it's not called the MEAP anymore and that's upsetting
KAYLA: What's it called?
SARAH: I don't know, m-step
KAYLA: Who can…
SARAH: I might be making that up
KAYLA: It's the MEAP
SARAH: Anyway, Kayla do you have any um last minute really great additions to our list of things to do if someone comes out to you?
KAYLA: I mean I feel like we should throw some serious ones in here
SARAH: Yeah maybe, don't be a dick
KAYLA: Like do especially if it's aspec or arospec like do your research and show that you like care about the person by like knowing and understanding their identity so they don't have to like go around answering all your questions all the time and let them know that like you're there to support them if anyone is rude or nasty
SARAH: Hence my suggestion to deck them
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: In a non-vulcan way
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Um yeah, you can you know be openly supportive of… if they're not like out to the general public don't out them but like if you can be openly supportive of their identity on you know the internet uh support legislation that supports them, support visibility of that identity, um all that fun stuff…
KAYLA: Wow, every thought just left my brain
SARAH: Just show them your support
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: That's what all this is about
KAYLA: I mean yeah I think like I think in a lot of episodes we've talked about things like not to say so I think definitely like avoid, I don't know fetishizing anything or like if you're…
SARAH: Like that's not real or…
KAYLA: Or being like…
SARAH: Do your fucking research
KAYLA: Or being like oh my god I had no idea like you act so straight like no that's not great
SARAH: It's much more preferable to sit down and talk about how weird the word nougat is, I think they would prefer that a lot more
KAYLA: Yes, and like if you don't… if you are shocked or like don't know exactly what to say or you need to do research like that's fine you can just tell them like wow like I need some time to process I didn't expect this, like I’ll get back to you
SARAH: Well, I would be wary of saying I need some time to process because that makes it seem like I’m not going to accept you I’m trying to decide if I should accept you or not
KAYLA: Well, okay yeah, nicer than that but that's better than saying that you need to like take a second is better than saying something nasty
SARAH: Or just being up front being like I don't actually know that much about that if you want to tell me you're welcome to but if not, I would be happy to you know look it up on my own time so I can understand you better
KAYLA: Mm hmm
SARAH: Yeah, that's tea
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: Um if we have new listeners and you made it this far God bless you
KAYLA: I’m so sorry
SARAH: Um, okay so our poll this week, what's the best thing to do if the person around you comes out as ace or queer or aro. I think we should I think uh get a husky puppy named David J, should be an option, uh buying them a bit of Ireland and having it be the queer capital of the world should be an option
KAYLA: Um I mean not all that is going to fit
SARAH: Well, you're going to have to figure out how to make it shorter
KAYLA: Buy them bit of Ireland, is what that is going to be
SARAH: Um just nougat, the word nougat, that's n-o-u-g-a-t
KAYLA: Yeah, I spelled it like nugget and realized that that was a different word
SARAH: Yeah, that’s just nugget
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Um, should we do one more of yours? what else would you like to… um
KAYLA: Uh make a make a podcast about it
SARAH: Make a podcast about it but a year and a half later, oh okay, great all right Kayla what's your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: Uh oh man I had them
SARAH: Can I tell you my beef?
KAYLA: Uh sure
SARAH: I’ve already told you my beef but I’m going to tell everyone else my beef now. I was supposed to get a package delivered and USPS says it was delivered on Saturday but I don't have it and it took like a month to get to me to begin with because it was coming from Poland so now I’m just very stressed like way more stressed than any person ought to be about a package that's just a $30 like decorative map for my wall in my bedroom but I have no control of my own brain, so of course I’m utterly panicking about this and feeling bad for the poor polish man, his name is Tom and maybe he's going to have to send it to me again and that's going to cost him money and my wall will be naked for another month um I’m panicking way too much given the severity of the situation
KAYLA: Uh yes, my beef is that um that dog keeps barking downstairs and also um yes
SARAH: My juice is that I finally went grocery shopping today so I have food again
KAYLA: It's… you did, it's true
SARAH: I was sending Kayla updates
KAYLA: I was getting a lot of updates, first she had one shoe on, then she had the other shoe on, then she was at her car, then she was at the store
SARAH: Mm-hmm, no I stopped for gas
KAYLA: She… oh yeah, I forgot you did stop for gas, it was a wild time for me. Um, my juice is one of them is that I’ve started using incense lately and it smells very good and it's like easier to handle than candles I think because then they just like burn out and then it's done you don't have to be like should I blow out this candle now
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Um and also at chipotle guac is free now if you're a rewards member and obviously I am and that's very exciting to me
SARAH: Why am I not a rewards member?
KAYLA: I don't know but you should be because I’ve…
SARAH: Once a week
KAYLA: I… same I get it at least once a week and when you rack up enough points you get a free meal I’ve already gotten like two free meals
SARAH: Wow, good for you
KAYLA: Yeah, thank you
SARAH: Good for chipotle
KAYLA: Honestly, yeah good for chipotle plus the chipotle here in New Haven for some reason they just like stack those bowls like they're like a pound, it's like the craziest bowls I’ve ever seen, I have to like transfer it to a huge Tupperware to eat it because there's too much to mix in the bowl it's very wild
SARAH: Wow, I… um when I go to chipotle, I get tacos because I’m bat shit crazy and um I recently they ran out of like the taco tortillas and so the girl just like took the one they had left brought it over to the burrito tortillas, traced it…
KAYLA: Oh my god
SARAH: Cut it out
KAYLA: Did you know that you can get a tortilla on the side for free?
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Yeah, a lot of people get bowls and then get the tortilla on the side for free and they try and gain the system
KAYLA: I didn't know that was free
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That's all
SARAH: Anyway, last week we were giving you tips on Vera Bradley, this week…
KAYLA: Oh my God yeah, this week it's your chipotle tips
SARAH: On chipotle
KAYLA: When are they going to sponsor us, I spent so much money at chipotle?
SARAH: Such white people shit too
KAYLA: I would be embarrassed but like I do love chipotle so much you know
SARAH: Same, um anyway uh you can find our poll tell us about your love for chipotle um or if you're my roommate James uh fight me because he thinks Qdoba is better and he's wrong
KAYLA: I will literally kill him, I hate Qdoba
SARAH: It's not nearly as good, I prefer… to Qdoba
KAYLA: I’ve had it once… I’ve had it once and it was kind of really disgusting
SARAH: I’ve had it… I had it uh the most recent time was last year so like it's not like it has been a long time for me
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't remember what it was but it was in the airport because the Detroit airport has a Qdoba and not a chipotle and it's pretty much like the worst thing ever, so
SARAH: Yeah, although one time I did walk up to that Qdoba and I was just like hey can I just have a bag of chips and they give you a lot of chips for like one dollar
KAYLA: That is… I mean that's wild but also fuck Qdoba
SARAH: Yeah um…
KAYLA: Anyway
SARAH: I was like I’m hungry and I don't like any of these snack options I’m going to get some fucking chips
KAYLA: My god
SARAH: Um anyway uh that's near the chick-fil-a and I’m not fucking getting chick-fil-a
KAYLA: I hate chick-fil-a
SARAH: Christ anyway they probably don't like that I just said Christ but you know what fuck you
KAYLA: Christ, Jesus Christ I hope you're listening
SARAH: Off the rails, off the rails, okay um @soundsfakepod everywhere, um take our stupid quiz um oh my laundry is done
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: What good timing
KAYLA: I hate you
SARAH: Um uh you can also find on patreon.com/soundsfakepod, if you'd like to support us there so that we can sponsor a cow, our $5 patrons are…
KAYLA: Oh my God please
SARAH: Astritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fiero, Dee, Megan Rowell, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Tim, Bookmarvel, Changelingmx, Derrick and Karissa, Simona Simon, Jamie Jack and Drew Yangy. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyunclekevin, @tessa_m_k, Kevin let us know when Kayla’s coming out date was
KAYLA: Please Kevin
SARAH: Arcness who would like to promote the Trevor project, a great thing to promote, I know like that's overlooked, but Arcness, a great choice, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote Tabletop games, anonymous would like to promote Halloween, Sarah McCoy who would like to promote a podcast from a planet weird and if you haven't talked about Jump In, I don't know what to tell you, my aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher’s Haven and Cassandra who is new, thanks Cassandra and they would like to promote their modeling Instagram which is @l-i-d-d-o-w-r-e-d is that liddowred? Lid…
KAYLA: I don't know, but they have a…
SARAH: Liddow…
KAYLA: They have a fun Instagram
SARAH: Great
KAYLA: I will say that, I looked at it
SARAH: Amazing
KAYLA: They covered Newsies, now I’m just looking at what a podcast from planet weird has done
SARAH: Okay, our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs, Sarah Jones who is @eternallolli everywhere, Dia Chappelle who would like to promote the podcast love and luck and dragonfly who would like to promote uh getting a bag of uh tortilla chips at the airport.
KAYLA: I just thought about how um Kevin pays us and I’m asking him to do work, Kevin that's all
SARAH: Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then take good care of your cows
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]