Hey what's up hello! This week, we bring you a joyous, fun-loving list of things to do if you're currently stuck at home. This list does NOT include having sex but does include playing that haunted banjo and making SEVERAL stop motion films.
We hope everyone is doing okay and is staying healthy. Hopefully, this podcast can provide some small distraction from what is happening in the world. If you need any support, please reach out to us.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/what-to-do-while-stuck-at-home
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! This week, we bring you a joyous, fun-loving list of things to do if you're currently stuck at home. This list does NOT include having sex but does include playing that haunted banjo and making SEVERAL stop motion films.
We hope everyone is doing okay and is staying healthy. Hopefully, this podcast can provide some small distraction from what is happening in the world. If you need any support, please reach out to us.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/what-to-do-while-stuck-at-home
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to sounds fake but okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode, “fun things to do while you're at home”
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod
KAYLA: My childhood bedroom is very weird-looking
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Yes, I am coming to you live for my childhood bedroom there are posters from Big Bang Theory, there are… there is a Friends poster, there is…
SARAH: Some weirdly angled walls.
KAYLA: Yes. I do have weird angled walls. I have a cabinet full of old china and like little porcelain statues from my family. There is a half full or half empty bottle of coke, I don't know how old that is
SARAH: Okay Cool. Well… I am sitting at my desk in LA as I always am for these recordings because if I were to try and go home, I would have to drive for three days and that's just not realistic
KAYLA: Yeah, I drove for 12 hours to get home and even that was simply not fun
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Can you believe Sarah? I actually did a long drive. I never do that. I always made you do it
SARAH: Proud of you
KAYLA: Thank you
SARAH: Did I already say welcome back to the pod? I did. Okay
KAYLA: Who's to say?
SARAH: Who is to say? Um, well last week you guys we were very pointedly ignoring coronavirus. This week, it's literally impossible to avoid…
KAYLA: But we're trying to stay as positive as possible
SARAH: Yes, and like because I mean basically coronavirus hit the States pretty hard in the past week or so Kayla and I are both working from home or in Kayla's case home home. I know that it has been bad elsewhere previous to this in China and Italy and Japan and Iran and other places, but America has finally accepted the danger of the situation, finally reacting to it
KAYLA: It took us a while
SARAH: Good job America.
KAYLA: It did take us a while
SARAH: You fucked it up so bad.
KAYLA: Okay. Anyway, no, shh we shouldn't listen…
SARAH: I know but I'm just saying like I don't want to make it seem like oh it only matters now because
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: But right after we recorded last week, my sister sent me an incredible suggestion for a pod topic related to COVID-19 which was things to do while social isolating that aren't sex
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like there has been a lot of articles and whatever about or just like memes about like I do… Okay, the one about how there's going to be like a baby boom in nine months, I do think is funny but the people are just like oh now that we're isolating everyone is going to be masturbating and having sex all the time and blah blah blah, so
SARAH: Yeah, I hate that so much and I just got a work email. Give me two seconds.
KAYLA: Oh, I'll tell… I'll tell a story while you're working
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: I have a… there's… I have a friend and a friend of that friend is like a sex writer they just write mostly articles for like magazines and whatever about like sex and women's health and ever since it started getting kind of bad a couple weeks ago she has been getting a lot of like people pitching articles or like doing press releases from like sex toy companies, so it was like here are the best, you know, like products to use while masturbating, wow social isolating and it's just them pushing their own products and she was like do we? must we?
SARAH: Alright, anyway now that I've done work. Yeah, I hate… I saw some posts about sex happening now and I hate it. So, we're going to talk about things to do that are not that
KAYLA: Which is not to say that asexual people can't do those things. You won't know that
SARAH: They can, but you know…
KAYLA: But Sarah doesn't want us so we're doing it
SARAH: I don't want and you know there are some dangers of having of having sex you could get pregnant if you're not having safe sex, you might get it sexually transmitted disease…
KAYLA: And listen…
SARAH: You can't get a sexually transmitted disease from any of the things that I’m suggesting and you also can’t get pregnant from them
KAYLA: Oh, that's good and you know, some of us are social isolating with our parents and so…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That would just be a lot
SARAH: It would
KAYLA: Though my boyfriend is coming to stay for a while. So that'll be a fun house situation
SARAH: Okay, should I go first since I'm always more prepared than you?
KAYLA: Hey, I have some, they're just not written down
SARAH: You just told me before we started recording.
KAYLA: I have some in my head. I just didn't write them down.
SARAH: Okay, then do you want to go first?
KAYLA: You choose
SARAH: I'll go.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Okay. my first option is to wallpaper your entire living space with wrapping paper, now I understand that not everyone has large quantities of wrapping paper and I'm not suggesting that you go out to the store exclusively to buy it if you're going to the store for some necessities anyway, pick some up but if not, that's okay and if you just run out of wrapping paper generally use clothing
KAYLA: Clothing?
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Now that seems like a lot.
SARAH: I was just trying to think about what people might have on hand
KAYLA: What about like no towels or sheets or something? Why your clothes?
SARAH: Well, because that's what I thought of
KAYLA: Oh, okay
SARAH: What else could people do that's not sex
KAYLA: You could watch the short film called, “It's not you, It's not me” by Jamie Mac
SARAH: That's true
KAYLA: Me and Sarah just watched it finally this past week and I know some of you tweeted us to share our thoughts and now we're going to
SARAH: What is it? Tell right now, tell the people
KAYLA: Okay, so it's like a nine-to-ten-minute short film and I watched a video also from the woman who like wrote it and starred in it and whatever and then an asexual woman who I think acted as kind of like her… What's the word? not informant but like what…
SARAH: Yeah, she was like the consultant?
KAYLA: Yes. So, they did a video kind of behind the making of it, so it seems like the woman who wrote it Jamie Mac that she had a relationship with someone that was asexual and so making this film was like her way of kind of exploring that relationship, so it's basically this couple where the man is asexual and they kind of have this like conversation and situation where he doesn't want to have sex and you kind of watch them like navigate that and they're also both Asian which is really cool because as we've talked about, a lot of times asexuality can seem very whitewashed
SARAH: Representation
KAYLA: Yes, but…
SARAH: And also, it was the man who was ace in a straight relationship, yeah
KAYLA: Yeah, which was also really cool, because I think there… yeah, there's a lot of identities there that I don't think you see as often but yeah, I thought it was really good I know we've like kind of talked about asexuality and dating on here before even though none of us… neither of us have experience with it so it was very nice to see that representation of it and to kind of get a deeper understanding like from both sides of the relationship like how they're dealing with
SARAH: Yeah, and I think that you leave the short film feeling bad for and empathizing with both of them
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Like I obviously identified more with the man, the ace man because I was just like I… why? why? But like they were they were both portrayed in ways that was like, you know, this sucks for both of them. There is some sort of sacrifice for both of them and there's not necessarily a good way to resolve it
KAYLA: Yeah, I think it's easy to think and I think we've fallen into this trap before of kind of incorrectly assuming that like one party is more at fault or one party is hurt more by the situation which just isn't true or it depends relationship to relationship but yeah, I think it did a really good job of showing the difficulties that both people had and yeah, showed them both really sympathetically.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And that concludes the one serious part of this episode
SARAH: Incredible, another thing you could do inside your home is to read the Magna Carta, now several times recently and by several, I mean two, two times recently I have googled “how many words are in the Magna Carta?”
KAYLA: Why would you need to know that?
SARAH: I don't remember
KAYLA: Jesus Christ
SARAH: But I had to do it twice. Uh, it was just as a reference for some, I don't know, I just wanted to know. I can't find a correct answer
KAYLA: Um
SARAH: Maybe I just… I mean to be fair I have not gone beyond the first couple of responses
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: Well, have you found like a digital version of it?
SARAH: No, I haven't delved that far. I don't care enough to
KAYLA: Well, you could do that and then just paste it into like word and see how many words
SARAH: Or google could not give me conflicting numbers
KAYLA: I don't know man
SARAH: Like wildly conflicting numbers
KAYLA: I don't know how to help you.
SARAH: You could also um, figure out how many words are in the Magna Carta and let me know
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Magna Carta 1215. I think it was 1215. 1215.
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: Anyway, what else could a person do while self-isolating, social isolating, social distancing?
KAYLA: Yes. You could look at your mom who does a lot of knitting and works in a knit shop and say mom will you please knit socks for my cat. And this is not necessarily something I suppose you do except for you have to hold the cat while your mom tries to put the socks on her. This is ripped from the headlines of my own life, but only one sock is currently done, I will update you all when there is a complete set of four
SARAH: Wow
KAYLA: She did not like the first one
SARAH: That's so exciting.
KAYLA: It really is
SARAH: I'm glad you're making good use of your time.
KAYLA: Thank you. Good use of my mom's time really, I'm doing nothing.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah. Uh another thing you can do while inside your home is uh build a model of the Eiffel tower using only toothpicks and Washi tape, uh specifically washi tape because that seemed pretty fun um I… when I was in middle school, I had uh, it was the equivalent of shop class. I can't remember what we called it, it wasn't called shop class, but it was shop class and um we had to build a thing as tall as we could build it with just uh toothpicks and tape
KAYLA: I’ve done that but with pasta
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Pasta and marshmallows.
SARAH: Mm, that's fun. Uh when I was in high school when I was in physics, we had to build a bridge out of toothpicks and glue um that could hold like a certain number of pounds um and I proud to say uh mine did hold that number of pounds but what my teacher would do is he would just keep adding weight to it to see when it would break and mine exploded and he said that he had never seen one explode before
KAYLA: Wow, you won
SARAH: So, but anyway, yeah for some reason I was thinking of that so I think you should build a model of the Eiffel tower specifically using toothpicks and then washi tape of various like colors and flavors just like to add some spice and sparkle
KAYLA: Um, how tall should it be?
SARAH: Tall enough.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. Um, I think you could figure out how to and then do get our podcast on Wikipedia. I don't know how that works. I don't want to look into it, but I would like it
SARAH: I don't want to do any work, but I want it handed to me.
KAYLA: Um, I mean yes, so um, you could do that
SARAH: Good, good. I'm so sorry to future me for what you just had to endure editing this podcast um this is a general announcement to our listeners that I hadn't really had to do anything for work in quite some time and uh, this is twice now in 20 minutes
KAYLA: We knew, we knew what would happen.
SARAH: Um, so and we kept recording the whole time so anyway, um… Wow, where were we even? it was your turn, right?
KAYLA: Uh, I don't remember but I guess we'll say yes, I think you could… I think you could pick up you… the blanket you started knitting um, like five years ago and um start knitting again, knitting knitting um… start knitting it again
SARAH: Hmm, okay. All right
KAYLA: Yep, that's it
SARAH: You know you could do? you could you could find a stray caterpillar that has also come inside to escape the malady um and raise him as your own kin
KAYLA: Hmm, that's good
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: I just had one. Are you kidding me? Oh, you could um download a bunch of mad libs and um do them but make it exclusively cow themed
SARAH: Would you say you would be mad living it up?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Are you sure?
KAYLA: I would not
SARAH: Would you say you have mad lib cow disease?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Would you say… I'm just going full John Lovett, workshopping jokes mid podcast.
KAYLA: I hate it. Thank you
SARAH: Okay, um you could donate to planned parenthood in Mike Pence's name.
KAYLA: Oh, that's very good
SARAH: Yeah, after that one I wrote, I… there was an exclamation point and then a smiley face just you know, seemed right
KAYLA: Uh, you could join our discord uh lots of people I think currently right now they're talking about trying to do some online games together uh and have like a karaoke night
SARAH: There was talk of doing more karaoke.
KAYLA: Yeah, some of them are playing DND together now, there was talk of a Minecraft server, it's kind of popping
SARAH: Uh, my sister was telling me yesterday about how she created a DND character for the first time.
KAYLA: Wow
SARAH: Um, and the character intermittently sweats glitter
KAYLA: Oh, that's… oh
SARAH: Just… I said intermittently and she said yes, and there was no further explanation, so
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: So that's… you know that now Um…
KAYLA: Good
SARAH: Another thing you could do is instead of moping about the fact that a bunch of movie releases got delayed what you could instead do is try to do a live performance of a mashup of what you anticipate those movies will be like so you would like mash up what you would anticipate uh Mulan and Fast and Furious 9 and Peter Rabbit 2 and A Quiet Place 2 like mash those all up in a live performance and you know if you're… if you're mashing up Quiet Place 2 it's probably um… It's good because it's probably accessible for the deaf and hard of hearing
KAYLA: True
SARAH: So, I'm just saying
KAYLA: Um, you could make a stop-motion film by embroidering every um frame of Titanic and then taking pictures of all those frames and then putting it together is how I think stop-motion works
SARAH: That sounds like my literal worst nightmare
KAYLA: You would hate that
SARAH: Making a film is hard enough and tedious enough to begin I cannot believe that people have the patience to do anything in stop-motion. It's absurd, just animation in general is insane I cannot believe I don't have the patience for that. Um, dear God
KAYLA: Yeah, I think you would hate embroidery
SARAH: Oh, I'm sure
KAYLA: It's like coloring that you hate but even worse
SARAH: Mm-hmm. Yeah Um, I don't like my next one. So I’m going to delete that one.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Uh, you could plan a trip to Indonesia, but schedule it for like 2023 just to be safe.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm um you could do a paint by number
SARAH: Oh, that is also my worst
KAYLA: That’s just a wholesome one that you would also hate
SARAH: I would hate it. My sister… have I told you about my sister is doing sticker by number?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: And she accidentally left her sticker tweezers, uh here in California
KAYLA: Tragic
SARAH: So, she has been sticker Tweezer-less
KAYLA: That's very sad
SARAH: Anyway, um, another thing you could do is make like the Italians and stick your head out your window and sing with your neighbors, preferably you should just start by going sing for me angel of music sing and see if anyone does
KAYLA: Did you see the video of a New Yorker standing on their balcony screaming at people to go home?
SARAH: Yes, did you see the video um that was like this is New Yorkers on their balconies? and it was just the uh I want my money and I want it now
KAYLA: I do love how people kept putting songs over the video of Italian people singing together but made it like different celebrities’ songs and then the celebrities actually thought that the people in Italy were singing their song but they weren't, it was very embarrassing for them
SARAH: That’s so funny. Um, I was watching a video last night, someone from Italy basically being like hey this is going on and y'all should pay attention. Um, one woman was like everyone was just singing out their windows yesterday. I mean none of us were singing the same song, but it was still cool
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: That does sound like a fun time. That's one of the cons of my parents’… like my parents’ house is like in the middle of nowhere and that's one of the like… one of the pros is I can still go outside and like be safe because we have like an acre of wood so I could just go…
SARAH: Yeah, I can't…
KAYLA: There…
SARAH: Going outside is hard for me
KAYLA: Yeah, that's like a pro but the con is if I ever want to stick out my window and talk to anyone there'll be no one there
SARAH: Yeah, um I think I’m going to go to my roof today just so I can uh…
KAYLA: Oh, that's fun
SARAH: Feel the sun on my skin
KAYLA: Feel the sun on your skin… And that concludes the musical guest for this episode
SARAH: The musical guest was Natasha Beddingfield.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Um, another oh, that was just mine. It's your turn.
KAYLA: Oh, um you can do what I will probably be doing at the time you are listening to this and play Animal Crossing on the Switch because sometimes you grow up without a DS and so you can't play it or Mario Kart and you feel left out and so then you're 22 and you get a Switch and you can buy all these games and you relive your childhood fantasy
SARAH: Yeah, uh, my sister was just saying how she wants a Switch but doesn't need one and she was suggesting that me and my two cousins and her um, I’ll go in on a group switch and it would just be the cousinhood of the traveling switch.
KAYLA: Oh, that's fun
SARAH: Yeah, it's not going to work
KAYLA: No, no it won't but it's nice, the thought is
SARAH: Yeah, well because we didn't have DSs growing up, we did have… we each had a Game Boy Advance at one point. Um, but we never played Mario Kart we played other racing games but never Mario Kart
KAYLA: I think I had an old, old game boy when I was really young, but we didn't really game that much as kids like my sister had a PS3 or 2, but we like didn't really use it much
SARAH: Probably a 2.
KAYLA: Probably
SARAH: Uh, we had a… we had a PS2 and I really liked playing my horse game on it, so
KAYLA: Oh, a horse girl
SARAH: Hmm, anyway, um another thing you can do is stumble across Irish dancing videos on your Instagram explorer page um, let a few months pass and discover that now you are really invested in Irish dancing
KAYLA: I mean that surprises me none, I don't…
SARAH: Yeah. This is this has been…
KAYLA: I can't believe…
SARAH: A multi-month
KAYLA: Yeah, I’m surprised it took this long
SARAH: Oh, I mean it didn't really take that long it was mostly just that like now I have a better idea of like what's good and what's bad and like sometimes I’ll be watching someone be like oh wow your sounds are great or like oh you got to work on your turnout or like I hate how your socks look that's all of them. But um I just… I… the socks I can't, I can't do it
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Anyway, also there's one song that they often use that I really hate like I love a good Irish bop, but for some reason this one song really bothers me. Anyway, what else could they do?
KAYLA: I think you can take all of your shirts and your sweatshirts and your sweaters and…
SARAH: Put them on your wall
KAYLA: No
SARAH: As wallpaper
KAYLA: No and see how many you can put on until it's just too much
SARAH: Yeah, uh another thing you could do instead of having sex is uh donate to your local food banks to help support those in your community who are losing income and those kids who rely on free and reduced-price lunches but are no longer in school uh for Americans a great place to start in terms of finding this or just giving money is feeding america.org. Thank you
KAYLA: Oh, I love this ad break
SARAH: Hey, this podcast is brought to you by no one. However, we're still promoting feedingamerica.org
KAYLA: Yes. Um, you could oh, what's the aquarium? Hold on
SARAH: Shedd?
KAYLA: Yes, you can look at Shedd Aquarium, they're… I know they're doing on it Twitter, I don't know where else but they're posting like pictures and videos of all of their animals so you can still see them, the other day there were some nice penguins that were walking around and visiting the other. Yeah, they were visiting the other animals
SARAH: Yeah, I saw some other penguin. I don't think they were at Shedd. I think they were somewhere else. Um, but they were going down a set of stairs um, and that was really lovely to watch
KAYLA: Ooh, I'm looking at it now Wellington a 32-year-old uh Penguin just met the otters today
SARAH: Oh, good for Wellington
KAYLA: And he “still got it”
SARAH: Good. Good for Wellington.
KAYLA: So, yes do that.
SARAH: Yeah, um another thing you could do… now, this is for those of you who might have uh partners or in relationships. I think this is something that could uh really test your relationship. It could really tell you more about your partnership than sex could not that I know a damn thing about sex. However, um finish a game of Monopoly. Don't just start it, you have to finish it.
KAYLA: Ooh, I think that's very good
SARAH: Play by the rules and finish it
KAYLA: I think that is one of the greatest tests like that and going and buying something from Ikea together I feel like are some of the greatest tests
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I think that's very good, you could take… you could take all of the cardboard boxes in your basement or in your attic or in wherever and make a fort
SARAH: Mm, good. Yes. Well, that's what uh, Ivanka Trump suggested…
KAYLA: No, hers was like…
SARAH: But it was in… but it was in the most… it was a blanket fort and it was in the most uh… what's the word I’m looking for?
KAYLA: Dumb
SARAH: Uh so it's something blind like when you're…
KAYLA: Not aware?
SARAH: Yeah, when you're… Whatever.
KAYLA: Oh, oh, uh, not socially aware
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yes, whatever
SARAH: Y'all get what we're saying, tone deaf guys. It was tone deaf this bothered me enough that when I was editing I recorded a new sound bite so Tone deaf is the word I was looking for. Um…
KAYLA: It was very odd
SARAH: Anyway, um another thing you could do that's much better than anything Ivanka Trump will tell you to do is um to learn how to play that haunted banjo that has been lying around your living space for 14 years
KAYLA: Is this… um, what? Do you have one?
SARAH: Learn to play the haunted banjo that has been lying around your living space for 14 years.
KAYLA: Do you have one?
SARAH: I don't think there needs to be any further explanation here Kayla.
KAYLA: Okay. Um, I think you could get Duolingo or Rosetta Stone and learn a fun new language
SARAH: Now, um, I have one about Duolingo that's uh, it's a couple down but I’m going to skip to it, uh, so you could accidentally break your 180 some odd day Duolingo streak um and instead of giving up entirely on language learning, maybe you could just start over
KAYLA: This seems like personal experience. Is what this seems like
SARAH: I haven't started over yet. I have not started over yet.
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: I was so sad
KAYLA: That is very sad.
SARAH: And I had worked so hard to do that. I had done… I had done my Duolingo while walking to a bar in December with my friends
KAYLA: Oh, yeah, you did do that. I was there.
SARAH: I did do that.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Anyway
KAYLA: You could take all of the hand soap that you've um been buying and then get one of those big plastic like storage tubs and just like dump it all into one tub and then every time you wash your hands, you can just go and like dip…
SARAH: Dip
KAYLA: Your hands. You can just go and have a nice dip. So, you don't have to like pump the soap you just take a dip
SARAH: I mean you still need to do a good scrub for 20 seconds.
KAYLA: No. Yeah, that's just to get all the soap on there. You still have to scrub, I’m just saying that's how you apply the soap, as you do a dip
SARAH: Instead of being like hey, want to take a dip in the pool? want to take a dip in the uh, the Dial
KAYLA: If you have… and I used to have one of these we used to have like a mini chocolate fountain that was just like maybe like two like two feet or like one foot tall that you would have to like put chocolate in and I thought it was very fun and I wanted one, so you could just put all of your soap in that and set that up in your bathroom and then you could just…
SARAH: Some nice warm soap.
KAYLA: That's good though, that's what you want
SARAH: Yeah, um once you're done dipping your hands in a vat of soap. Um you could uh grow like just make yourself taller um, see also Jenna Marbles.
KAYLA: Yes
[00:30:00]
SARAH: She might be able to help you.
KAYLA: She did do that. Uh, I think you could make those fingerprint art things where you like color your fingerprint and then you put it on a paper and then you can like use a pen to make fun faces or animals
SARAH: Oh, okay. That would be a good time.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I guess
KAYLA: But then you'd have to dip your hand in the soap to wash off the ink
SARAH: Yeah, double the soap, double the fun.
KAYLA: Um, yeah
SARAH: You could write to representatives about the issues that matter to you
KAYLA: Yours are a lot more serious than mine
SARAH: Well, they started out not serious and then I was like but these are like… people might actually be like looking for something to do.
KAYLA: Hey, some of mine are things you can actually do
SARAH: Yeah, and some of mine are things you actually could not do so don't worry about it.
KAYLA: Well, fine
SARAH: Um, if you don't have a representative, um uh get in touch with some activists for democracy in the place you live Question mark, that's that
KAYLA: You could put on your roller skates and roll around your basement for exercise
SARAH: Um, what if they don't have a basement?
KAYLA: A floor
SARAH: I know for Midwesterners that's a foreign concept to us but
KAYLA: Well, I’m just thinking like the basement is usually the most open space and a lot of times it's unfinished, so just…
SARAH: We used to roller blade around my neighbor's basement.
KAYLA: Yeah, we used to do the basement and the garage, but um, if not, I’ve definitely roller skated just in my house. Um, and you can too
SARAH: Yeah, well because we uh, our basement is full of shit and so um when we were over at our neighbor's house, we would roller blade around their basement, when we were in our house, we would roller blade around our kitchen.
KAYLA: Oh, huh safe, good
SARAH: Uh, that was pretty much the only place we could because as you know Kayla, uh, there's no like hard wood in my floor like it's just tile and carpet. So, we were pretty limited
KAYLA: Wow, I bet Julie loved that
SARAH: Yeah, uh, that's part of the reason why there's some fun just like black marks
KAYLA: Mm, good
SARAH: On our kitchen tile, uh, yeah, um, another thing you could do is cross stitch every single queer pride flag
KAYLA: See, so that's okay, but my cross stitch idea wasn't?
SARAH: Oh, no, your cross... I think your idea was fine. It's just that me thinking about Stop-motion makes me want they're thinking about having to execute stop-motion myself makes me want to throw up
KAYLA: I mean, but you have lots of time like it's a very time-consuming process.
SARAH: It's still way too tedious. I can't do that, I can’t
KAYLA: Okay, fine
SARAH: Making a film in general is tedious enough, I know that from experience
KAYLA: Oh, my um one of my like zodiac astrology apps just told me that there is…
SARAH: One of them? Which… you have more than one?
KAYLA: I have two, I think
SARAH: Which ones do you have?
KAYLA: I have the pattern and I have co-star
SARAH: Okay, because most people have co-star
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Or most people that I know that have them have co-star not most people on the planet
KAYLA: The pattern is like extreme, there's a lot more going on, but anyway…
SARAH: Oh boy
KAYLA: They just told me there's aggressive energy in the air
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: So, that's good, um, I think you can give yourself a nice spa day and I think there are a couple things that could go into this, face mask, I think if you don't have like one of those face steamers you can just boil a pot of water and put your face over it.
SARAH: Stick your face in there
KAYLA: I know that always gets my glasses steamy. You could…
SARAH: Ooh, yeah
KAYLA: You could put your feet…
SARAH: You want some steamy glasses in a non-sexy way?
KAYLA: No. Yeah, very non-sexual. Uh, you could put your feet in some nice water and I think my favorite thing that you could do is you know how some spas they like dip your hands in wax?
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Okay. Well, they do sometimes because I don't know why so I think you take all of the candles in your house and like the soap but in a different vat, of course keep them separate you melt down all the candles and then you can just dip there also, just a lot of hand dips
SARAH: A lot of hand dipping. Yeah, and then to make sure you get all the soap off you dip it into the soap vat
KAYLA: I think we should have a wax vat, a soap vat, and a water vat
SARAH: Does that make your house a wax museum?
KAYLA: Uh, I mean if I keep like the shell of my hand, you could also melt…
SARAH: Wax figures freak me out.
KAYLA: Yeah. No, they're not…
SARAH: Like Madame Tussauds.
KAYLA: Have you ever been there?
SARAH: No, but I had to walk past it all the time when I lived in Hollywood
KAYLA: I went… I’ve been to the New York one before and it is… There is some pictures of me on Facebook actually with them if you scroll back far enough
SARAH: Horrible. I don't want to scroll that, I don't want to do that.
KAYLA: Well fine. Um, another thing I think you could do with the melted wax that is you could make little like statues with them you like mold the wax and then wait for it…
SARAH: Yeah, that's… I’m fine with that
KAYLA: But like not real statues like tiny little things and then you make them in a way where it can be another stop motion film
SARAH: But maybe that's where you lost me.
KAYLA: Hmm, so close.
SARAH: I remember uh when I was little me and my sister and our family friend from Missouri uh, we're at Greenfield village in Dearborn, Michigan uh, and we were making some candles and now anytime I smell a certain like making candle smell I think very specifically of that day that was back in the phase when um I insisted on wearing knee-high white socks pulled all the way up
KAYLA: Yeah, because you don't… you had to wear your tights under your pants.
SARAH: This was before the tights this was when I was four
KAYLA: I thought tights came first
SARAH: Yeah. So, the socks were in pre-k and then the tights were in kindergarten and then I guess by first grade I was normal
KAYLA: Well, I don't know about that, but
SARAH: Yeah, that's a bit of a stretch but, yeah, um, there's some photographic evidence of that day and so it's just seared in my brain whenever I smell that smell
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: Anyway, um another thing you could do is call your friends, your family, your loved ones and tell them to stay in the damn house
KAYLA: That's so true, especially your elderly and immunocompromised people because at least the elderly people in my life seem to just want to keep going outside
SARAH: Retweet
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: So…
KAYLA: So, tell them…
SARAH: Let’s not do that
KAYLA: Tell them no
SARAH: Tell them no
KAYLA: Um, I think you could take all of your like old nasty wire hangers and like unbend them and then re-bend them in a way that makes it look like the big chair from game of thrones
SARAH: Oh, okay, that’s fun
KAYLA: Which I exclusively refer to as the big boy chair, which um my boyfriend who I’m watching it with doesn't like that for some reason but it is…
SARAH: I think specifically it is a throne
KAYLA: Yes, but it is a…
SARAH: Is the technical term
KAYLA: Yes, but it is if you think about it.
SARAH: It's a big boy chair
KAYLA: A big boy chair
SARAH: Yeah, yeah um another thing you could do is use this time to finally get better at the um iMessage game pigeon cup pong, Kayla for the love of God…
KAYLA: Oh, I haven't played you back
SARAH: Play me back
KAYLA: You're actually, you are doing much better this time
SARAH: I’m doing better. Uh, I for a hot second. I had simultaneous games going on with you, uh, Miranda and Evan because I was bored
KAYLA: Wow. Yeah, I wondered. Hold on I’m playing you back
SARAH: Okay um
KAYLA: Shit, shit
SARAH: Okay, you have to do the next one. She's…
KAYLA: That was bad
SARAH: Yeah, good. Okay
KAYLA: I did bad. Um, okay. What was my next thing going to be? You could start practicing meditation
SARAH: Yeah, that seems like a good thing to do
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Um, I’ve meditated a couple of times, it sort of works
KAYLA: I was really good about it…
SARAH: I need to get better at it.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was really good about doing it and like being into it like during our senior year and then you know
SARAH: I did it the other day and then I fell asleep
KAYLA: See, that's the good thing though, if you're having trouble falling asleep, sometimes it just knocks you right out
SARAH: Oh, well the thing I do when I have trouble falling asleep is when I was in college we had and when I was in like the filmmaking classes, the film that I directed and in the film that I was and like the tv pilot that I was in the writers room for um, we did this thing we had this woman, uh come in who is an acting coach um, and she does this thing that's like the green light thing where you all lay on the ground and you like imagine like a green light and it's like moving up your body very slowly…
KAYLA: Yeah, that's a meditation thing Sarah
SARAH: I know, but like that specifically helps me go to sleep.
[00:40:00]
KAYLA: Yeah, doing stuff about like focusing on each part of your body is very helpful
SARAH: Yeah, anyway, um, you could watch Paris is Burning
KAYLA: Oh, that's a good one
SARAH: Yeah. You could queer and fun.
KAYLA: You could watch Cats. It's out on digital now with and I think it's also queer and fun.
SARAH: You could uh burn some old paper just for fun
KAYLA: But in your house?
SARAH: Like use a candle to do it like I’m not saying you should just like start a bonfire
KAYLA: I just don't think that's a great thing to do in the house
SARAH: I think it's a wonderful thing to do, but as has been established I’m a pyro so
KAYLA: Yeah, you definitely are
SARAH: I’m from a family of pyros.
KAYLA: That's true. I think you could um watch a Bob Ross tutorial and follow it
SARAH: Yeah, if you don't have paint, you could use your own blood. Um you could schedule… You could schedule your next life crisis so that it doesn't inconvenience you as much so like it's on the calendar
KAYLA: That's very good, and you can send calendar invites to everyone so they know
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That's good.
SARAH: Maybe you need to like schedule a day off of work. You can do that ahead of time, you know get it approved
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. That's very good.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I mean you could just spend a lot of time and this is a continuous project just scrounging around your house for extra change um, and then counting it all
SARAH: Mm-hmm. I'm sure you'd find some.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah, my house. I'm looking at some right now and…
SARAH: Wow, that's exciting
KAYLA: And you would count it up to know how much money you'll make once you can finally go and exchange it
SARAH: Yeah, nice um, you know the game Uno? the wonderful wonderful card game Uno
KAYLA: I do.
SARAH: Um, you could figure out how to make it gayer
KAYLA: Um, do you have any ideas for this?
SARAH: No, that's what this is for, I want…
KAYLA: You don't have any like starting ideas?
SARAH: No, you got it. My starting idea is make it gayer
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: So
KAYLA: Uh, okay I'm going to take it back like five ideas because I meant to say this when I did it you know how I was talking about Animal Crossing?
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: There is just an exciting thing that is exciting is that you don't have to pick a gender, a lot of times for games where you like make a little person they make you pick and they don't even make you pick
SARAH: Wow, so it's a real game.
KAYLA: Well, it's just… Um I've got to go
SARAH: Listen, I’m just… I’m combining the energies of Ted Mullins from Schitt's Creek and John Lovett together…
KAYLA: I just don't know who these people are
SARAH: John Lovett is engaged to Ronan Farrow.
KAYLA: Yeah, I know that
SARAH: I’ve been through this.
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: Ted is a character on Schitt's Creek. Um I have one more Kayla. So, let's go out with a bang on our last ones here. Um
KAYLA: Oh sure, okay
SARAH: I just feel like I really raised the bar for myself and I shouldn't have, lower the bar, please lower it, lower it, um ask the oldest person, you know for TV Rex just to see what they tell you um, I hope someone’s really conservative grandma says like Fleabag because like my grandma was really into game of thrones um as an old catholic woman um, but there was never um any confusion as to whether she was a progressive grandma or not like she was just a progressive grandma who was also catholic and you know enjoyed some good game of thrones she called it porn for old catholic ladies.
KAYLA: It is
SARAH: So, um like that… I mean a little bit surprising but not immensely surprising but I want someone's like really conservative grandparent to just Fleabag full-on fleabag like season two um you know good stuff.
KAYLA: Yeah um, my last one which is very very good is um get some sharpies or some pens or some pencils. What do you have and just slowly start coloring your walls? And I feel like by the time this is all over you'll probably have changed the color of all your walls
SARAH: Yeah, that's pretty fair just change it up, color it
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Everyone needs a little change up in their life sometimes.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Yeah, so those are all things that you can do instead of having sex, can I give a smidge of genuine advice that I read on the internet recently that is helpful
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Don't just do passive things like you also have to do active things which like exercise is good, but I don't necessarily mean exercise, I mean like reading or playing an instrument or a game or like something that you have to think about more something that isn't just like passively watching a TV show or scrolling through social media you can definitely do that. In fact, please do but I was reading this person is basically for health reasons this person is basically social isolating at all times and they were saying that like you really have to have a balance of those two things. Otherwise, you will go insane, so
KAYLA: Yeah, I think so. I have not been doing a good… Oh my God. Hello um, I have not been doing a great… oh my God
SARAH: You're doing great, sweetie.
KAYLA: Hmm. I have not been doing a great job of that and I think I can definitely tell that it's like not great, you know?
SARAH: Yeah, last night I was just going to go to bed at like 9:45 but then I was like I'm going to play my ukulele and then I played my ukulele and I was like, this is a good thing to do.
KAYLA: I saw someone tweet that they went… they took a nap just to stop themselves from eating and I was like, oh no
SARAH: Mood, I also saw that tweet. Um Okay, what's our what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: I think maybe like what's the best thing to do while isolating.
SARAH: Yeah, let's do two of yours and two of mine.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Haunted banjo for sure.
KAYLA: Okay. I think Make a vat of…
SARAH: Soap
KAYLA: Soap, I wanted dipping soap, but there weren't enough letters
SARAH: Not enough letters, I think my other one should be Kayla for the love of God play me back on game pigeon
KAYLA: Play Sarah. There are so few characters, play Sarah in game Pigeon. it just fit, okay.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: What's another good one of mine? There were truly so many
SARAH: I don't remember
KAYLA: Make a stop-motion film
SARAH: Horrible, sounds horrible
KAYLA: I know, if that one wins we are going to be very sad.
SARAH: I admire people who can but I simply cannot
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: All right. Uh, Kayla, what's your juice and your beef this week?
KAYLA: Oh god
SARAH: I have a beef can I do my beef?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: My beef is that I can't cover songs in my own accent. So, I have known for a long time now that whenever I sing along with the song I take on the accent and the affectations of whoever is singing, obviously a lot of accents kind of go away when you're singing but some people just have really strong accents or like in rap the accent like sticks a little bit more because it's less of like melodic and more of rhythmic, you know what I recently discovered is that it is really hard for me to intentionally sing these songs in my own accent. I'm a Michigander and as a result, I have really hard Rs and that is just not conducive to songs, so, you know like if… like I can't really do a very good Bernie Sanders accent, but if he released a single all of the sudden…
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: I would be sounding like Bernie Sanders while singing that song, so I'm just pretty annoyed that I cannot sing songs in my own accent
KAYLA: That is annoying
SARAH: And that's my beef
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: Yeah, I didn't have juice written down, my juice is that I get to like working from home. I get to sleep more because I don't have to worry about two hours’ worth of commute every day
KAYLA: That is good
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: My beef is that I'm hungry and my juice…
SARAH: Eat it
KAYLA: Okay, my juice is that the smallest of silver linings is that now that less people are driving and doing things is we're just taking a little break from polluting which…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Cool. I saw pictures of some rivers in Italy that were like clear for the first time in 60 years, that was a good time
SARAH: Yeah. I also saw that. I know there's been a lot less air pollution in China
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Yeah, what a time
KAYLA: So just a nice break for the earth
SARAH: Yep, and like a lot of animals are like going back into human spaces and people are like, oh, okay so if all humans just suddenly disappeared from off the face of the earth, the animals would be fine.
KAYLA: They would be
[00:50:00]
SARAH: They're fine. Yeah, so tell us about your beef, your juice, your favorite things to do indoors that aren't sex on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a patreon if you'd like to support us that way patreon.com/soundsfakepod, as we said last week, this pod is something that is going to continue despite the coronavirus because it is remote anyway, I hope it's a nice little place for you guys to maybe escape it and have a good time or maybe feel a little bit better about it. If you have the disposable income and would like to support us at that time, we would appreciate it, @soundsfakepod Patreon. Yeah
KAYLA: Indeed
SARAH: Our $5 patrons are Jennifer smart, Astritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fiero, Dee, Megan Rowell, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Tim, BookMarvel, ChangelingMX, Derek and Carissa, Simona Simon, Jamie Jack, Drew Yangy and Jessica Shea which I said correctly
KAYLA: I saw…
SARAH: Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyunclekevin, @tessa_m_k, Arcness who would like to put the Trevor project, Benjamin Ybarra who'd like to promote Tabletop games, a great thing to do
KAYLA: I've been…
SARAH: During this time.
KAYLA: I've been playing a lot of D&D recently. It is a great time
SARAH: Amazing. Anonymous who would like to promote Halloween, Sarah McCoy who'd like to promote a podcast from a planet weird, my aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher's Haven, Cassandra who would like to promote their modeling Instagram @liddowred, Doug Rice who would like to promote parenting forwarding… Doug Rice who would like to promote the parenting forward conference, Maggie who… Sent us an email saying how to say her last name.
KAYLA: Oh yeah
SARAH: But I don't have it open right now. It's a Capelbo, okay, Maggie Capelbo. She said we were pretty close, who would like to promote her dog's Instagram @minniemuffin19 that's Minnie with an i.e. Minnie mentioned us on her story…
KAYLA: Feeling very famous
SARAH: Minnie is 60%, not on her story, on her regular posts, Minnie is 60% years
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And I love this about her, so
KAYLA: She's very cute
SARAH: Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, Nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs and not going to Hawaii in the middle of a pandemic
KAYLA: Wow, tea
SARAH: Sarah Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere, Dia Chapelle who would like to promote the podcast Beacon and Dragonfly who would like to promote stocking up on the necessities, but not stocking up too much so that other people can't have it, I saw a post about how people were like I got all the soap, all the hands sanitizer or whatever and it's like you realize that if other people don't have that, that's putting you at risk, right?
KAYLA: Yeah, plus there's a lot of people who are like working paycheck to paycheck who can't stock up like that. I also saw a post about like the indication markers for which food like counts towards food stamps and stuff like that and to not buy a lot of those because they need to be left for the people who need to use those kinds of programs
SARAH: Right because they can't buy other things.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yeah, with their food stamps. So, share your vat of soap with your friends
KAYLA: Yeah, when you…
SARAH: Stay far away from each other
KAYLA: Listen, the vat can't be ridiculously big. Okay, that no
SARAH: Yeah, I mean have like a community vat and just the line for the vat everyone has to be at least six feet away from each other in the line
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: So, um thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears. Stay safe
KAYLA: And until then take care… Wait, what is it? Until then take good care of your cows
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]