Sounds Fake But Okay

Ep 126: We Wrote an Aro Ace Movie

April 05, 2020 Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 126: We Wrote an Aro Ace Movie
Show Notes Transcript

Hey what's up hello! This week, we take one hour to write the plot of the next hit aro ace movie - Noodles: Aromcom. Listen in to hear this dramatic, mysterious, not so rom-com story play out.   

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[00:00:00]

SARAH: Hey what's up hello welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl I'm Sarah that's me 

KAYLA: And the demi straight girl that's me Kayla 

SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand 

KAYLA: On today's episode, an aro-ace movie 

BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay 

SARAH: I think I fucked mine up a little bit 

KAYLA: You really did 

[Intro Music]

SARAH: Welcome back to the pod 

KAYLA: Uh M’icroorganism 

SARAH: Hmm, how is everyone doing 

KAYLA: Yeah, how… are you good 

SARAH: You good? 

KAYLA: Are you good? 

SARAH: Are you good? 

KAYLA: Are you good? 

SARAH: Are you good? 

KAYLA: Sarah has… an interesting fact about Sarah is that as a side effect of our current times Sarah has become very emo and…

SARAH: Yeah 

KAYLA: And in the past week has told me she loved me more than I think she ever has in her entire friendship, and it has made me concerned for her well-being and it feels like she thinks she's dying and needs to tell me before she goes 

SARAH: I'm not. Well, also we have been recording on Wednesdays but today we're recording on Thursday and yesterday I was like Hey can we record Thursday instead of today? And she's like “yeah, are you okay?” I was like yeah no I'm fine. It's just other factors 

KAYLA: Are you dying? Has Miss Rona come for you? 

SARAH: Oh no 

KAYLA: No, we're healthy and we hope you're also healthy 

SARAH: I… sure hope that as well. What are we talking about this week Kayla? 

KAYLA: So, listen this was my idea and it's not fully for… Okay, so there's this other podcast and have I ever listened to this podcast? No but I hear ads for it all the time because it's on the same network as a lot of other podcasts 

SARAH: Wait, you've never listened to it? 

KAYLA: No, it's just always… I listen to a lot of podcasts on the Maximum Fun Network that's where all the McElroy podcasts are 

SARAH: That's where the Maximum Fun is 

KAYLA: I would say and there's a podcast I guess called Story Break which I've never listened to but there's ads for it and I guess it's people that have like I guess written… have worked in writers rooms before or have written for movie and TV, I don't know, but basically every episode they like get a premise and then within like the hour of the episode they have to like figure out like a movie script or like a movie plot or like a TV show plot for like the premise so I think for an entire season I think they actually did a script for like a Jar Jar Binks centered movie and they spent like an entire season of the podcast on it I think I heard that I think it was that podcast 

SARAH: Amazing 

KAYLA: And they just spent a long time actually fleshing it out so I was like what if we decide to come up with what the plot of a good aro-ace movie would be but we only have a podcast to do it 

SARAH: Here is my question

KAYLA: Yes 

SARAH: Aro-ace is very broad like that's not a prompt 

KAYLA: No. Well, yeah, no, so I was thinking we would start… so we'd start with aro-ace and then maybe pick like the genre and we can pick some other things and then we do it 

SARAH: Okay, you're in charge of this. I'm the writer here, but you're in charge 

KAYLA: Okay, I'm the director and you're the writer. We're back to old days. 

SARAH: That’s not how the writing is… 

KAYLA: I'm the director and you're the writer 

SARAH: Now is this a TV show or a movie because in a TV show directors don't really have a lot of power 

KAYLA: I don't, well I guess it's a movie 

SARAH: It's the showrunner which would have the power 

KAYLA: Well, who has the power in the movie? 

SARAH: The director but only after they get the script 

KAYLA: Well, who's in charge of the writing of the script of the movie? 

SARAH: The writer 

KAYLA: Okay well you're the main writer and I'm the other one 

SARAH: Possibly the studio 

KAYLA: I'm the studio and you're the writer 

SARAH: That checks out, okay 

KAYLA: Okay, here's the prompts. Do you think there's a random movie trope generator somewhere? 

SARAH: I'm sure there is, it seems like the sort of thing that you should have looked up 

KAYLA: Yeah, but I just now thought that that would be a good idea, you know, Story Generator gives you a bunch of elements you can use as inspiration to build a trope of your whatever. Okay. See it's doing a lot of words that I don't understand the setting is an egopolis, the plot is rescued from the underworld, the narrative device…

SARAH: Ego? Is that like in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 where he lives on a planet called Ego and he is the planet? Like it's a one 

KAYLA: Listen, there's more here, the narrative device is a noodle incident, the hero is an iron woobie, the villain is evil laugh, character as device Ojo? Oju? And the characterization device is jerk ass 

SARAH: Yeah see, I don't understand a lot of these words either 

KAYLA: Good. Well, maybe let's go with, okay, here's, okay, pick a, Sarah, what's your favorite genre? 

SARAH: You can't ask me a question like that 

KAYLA: Sarah, what's a genre? 

SARAH: I don't know 

KAYLA: Okay, let's find a genre generator  

SARAH: I was recently talking to a friend about writing an action movie that was as gay as possible, so we could do something with that, we could have it be like a mystery like a fucking, what are genres? 

KAYLA: Mystery is good, I just watched Knives Out the other day and I liked it a lot 

SARAH: That's a good movie, yeah 

KAYLA: Okay, let's do mystery and then I do want to keep a couple of these things I feel like we should definitely keep Noodle Incident as the narrative device 

SARAH: Yeah, that seems to be important 

KAYLA: Do we want to keep Rescued from the Underworld? 

SARAH: Uh, sure 

KAYLA: Okay, so we have Noodle Incident, Rescued from the Underworld, Action, Aro-Ace, is there anything else we need? 

SARAH: Mystery 

KAYLA: Mystery, oh yeah, mystery. Action mystery. You're in mysterious action 

SARAH: Mysterious action. You know, I feel like there's nothing else that we necessarily need to include I think we're going to have a hard enough time figuring out what the fuck to do with that 

KAYLA: True. Okay, well I guess we also need the hero and the villain or whatever 

SARAH: Okay, so our main character is obviously going to be Aro-Ace 

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: Who are they? 

KAYLA: Should it be you? 

SARAH: What are they trying to achieve? What's their goal? 

KAYLA: Well, it seems like… 

SARAH: Are they the one who's trying to solve the mystery? 

KAYLA: Well, so it seems like the mystery is like what happened to the noodles, right? 

SARAH: Right. Like the noodle incident is your inciting incident 

KAYLA: Right 

SARAH: That leads our Aro-Ace protagonist on this journey 

KAYLA: To the underworld and then being saved 

SARAH: To the underworld um, wait, so what's the underworld thing again? 

KAYLA: That's the plot, is rescued from the underworld 

SARAH: Rescued from the underworld. I think maybe our main character needs to rescue the noodle maker from the underworld 

KAYLA: So, what is the noodle incident then? 

SARAH: Um... 

KAYLA: Would the villain then be like the devil? Or what's his face that runs the underworld? 

SARAH: Hades? 

KAYLA: Yes, that one 

SARAH: No, I feel like... There are so many stories about Hades 

KAYLA: That's true 

SARAH: I guess what kind of underworld are we talking? Are we talking like this is just generally where people... 

KAYLA: What would you say... 

SARAH: Go to when they die? Or is it more metaphorical like this is... Like you know in like Moulin Rouge where they're like this is the underworld of Paris 

KAYLA: Perhaps it's like if the hero or the person we're trying to rescue is like a great noodle connoisseur perhaps the underworld is just like some... 

SARAH: I'm thinking Ratatouille 

KAYLA: Yeah, but a street of like really bad chain restaurants where the noodles aren't good and that would be the underworld to us, the noodle lover 

SARAH: Okay, so rescue from like the noodle underworlds 

KAYLA: Yeah, an underworld 

SARAH: The noodle master needs to be rescued by our Aro-Ace hero. Now here is the question, this is a problem that I have in my own writing is because despite the fact that I did once write a musical about a character being Aro-Ace I don't necessarily like to write things that are about being queer, I like to write things about other things with the characters being incidentally queer but it seems like we want to make this somehow still an Aro-Ace centered story, it's like mystery noodles and Aro-Aceness. So, how is the Aro-Aceness going to play in? 

[00:10:00]

KAYLA: Well, so maybe we bring in some Aro-Ace tropes or memes and then perhaps this noodle master and the Aro-Ace character maybe they're really good friends but the noodle master is definitely in love with them and so it's a thing the whole time where even after they rescue them they have to be like.. usually when you rescue someone it would be the romantic scene at the end where they kiss and it's like, ohhh but then maybe the noodle master tries to kiss them and they're like, oh no 

SARAH: And then there can be miscommunication because the noodle master is like, oh so were you just using me for my noodles? And then our protagonist can be like, no, no I really do love and care about you as a person 

KAYLA: See and then maybe… 

SARAH: I think the Aro-Ace person needs to discover that they're Aro-Ace 

KAYLA: That's very good 

SARAH: Over the course of this movie 

KAYLA: That's good, I was also thinking maybe they have a dragon sidekick and a sword 

SARAH: Oh, okay 

KAYLA: Because those are also Ace kind of, I feel like the Ace community really latches on to dragons and swords 

SARAH: Here is my question, since we went for the more metaphorical underworld, are we talking real dragon? Are we doing realistic noodle underworld? 

KAYLA: Maybe it's like a kid in the dragon costume

SARAH: It could be like a Komodo dragon? 

KAYLA: Yeah, or maybe the mascot for this guy's noodle restaurant is a dragon So, the guy who flips the board, you know in front of the restaurant how people spin the boards? You know what I'm talking about? 

SARAH: No 

KAYLA: You know in front of restaurants there'll be a guy that has a board that's like good pizza and he spins it around and does tricks 

SARAH: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this way

KAYLA: So, maybe the guy, the noodle restaurant has that guy and he's also dressed as a dragon and this is our sidekick 

SARAH: Okay 

KAYLA: And it's not really a sword, it's a knife but our protagonist does like to think of it as a sword 

SARAH: Okay, so how, our protagonist needs a name 

KAYLA: Yeah, this is a hard one 

SARAH: I take naming things very seriously 

KAYLA: I know you do 

SARAH: And I'm stressed 

KAYLA: Do you want me to pull up a name generator? 

SARAH: I could pull up my name spreadsheet 

KAYLA: How about you do that? I just have a feeling, you know what, I'm glad we are doing this episode because there has recently been a lot of talk about how people really love the episode where you read your childhood story 

SARAH: I'm not writing a sequel, guys 

KAYLA: I know you're not, but doesn't this almost feel like it's not a sequel but like it's cousin? 

SARAH: I don't know. Here's the thing, I feel like the name has to start with an A because like aro-ace 

KAYLA: That's cool, aro, then some nice alliteration happening?

SARAH: Yeah, but then I keep wanting to be like Erin, but then I'm like no, we know an Erin too well 

KAYLA: We know, yes. Well, do we want to go for a feminine name or a masculine name or a non-gender, like a neutral name 

SARAH: Personally, I'm a big fan of a good gender-neutral name 

KAYLA: Alright 

SARAH: My spreadsheet of names has a lot of them 

KAYLA: Okay, I'm trying to think of a neutral… 

SARAH: But I don’t have that many As, that are gender neutral 

KAYLA: Yeah, I’m trying to think of a neutral A name 

SARAH: I mean we could just go like a classic Alex 

KAYLA: Oh, that's very good. Wasn't that the name of one of the people from your story? 

SARAH: Yeah, fuck 

KAYLA: No, that's good. Maybe this is her when she grows up. This is her in an alternate universe 

SARAH: No. This person is not going to be named Alex now you've ruined it 

KAYLA: Okay, but the people would love a sequel and perhaps this is the sequel where it's just an alternate reality Sarah, we really, we must give the people what they want 

SARAH: No, no, no, no, no, no. 

KAYLA: Alright 

SARAH: Come up with a name that starts with an A that isn't Alex 

KAYLA: All I can think of is Agatha , that's the only name I can think of, I know it's not neutral, it's just truly the only thing that's in my brain 

SARAH: But also, in the musical I wrote, there was an Aggie 

KAYLA: Wait, fuuuu… A name, Aaron, Alex, Agatha, Amy, Armadillo

SARAH: Armadillo 

KAYLA: Is that it? 

SARAH: Uh-huh 

KAYLA: Have we landed on it? 

SARAH: Yes 

KAYLA: Okay, so our protagonist is named Armadillo 

SARAH: What's your…

KAYLA: Name? I don't know 

SARAH: Okay 

KAYLA: I mean, we could really do it to them and make them aro-ace, and agender 

SARAH: That would be… okay, so this is Armadillo, Armie for short 

KAYLA: Okay, good 

SARAH: A-R-M-I-E 

KAYLA: Yeah, that's good 

SARAH: Not like the military 

KAYLA: Yeah, no, fuck them. Just kidding 

SARAH: Okay, how do they know the Noodle Master? What is their connection to the Noodle Master? 

KAYLA: I think it would be nice… because I feel like this… here's what I'm thinking. So, the movie starts as a mystery, maybe the big thing in the middle is that the Armie rescues… 

SARAH: The midpoint

KAYLA: The midpoint is Armie rescues the Noodle Man which you would think is the end of the movie 

SARAH: Well, you would think that would be the act 2 break 

KAYLA: Yes, but however, then the movie transitions from a mystery to what you think is a rom-com where then the big problem is like how it is in all the rom-coms where like the big problem is like we were in love in the first half and now there's an issue and then it gets resolved 

SARAH: Okay, what would be the act 2 break? So just for some context, Kayla Act 1 is usually the first 30 pages 

KAYLA: Okay 

SARAH: Act 3 is the last 30 pages 

KAYLA: I'm learning so much 

SARAH: Yeah, Act 3 is the last 30 pages and then act 2 is everything in the middle so that's like 30 to 60 pages 

KAYLA: Okay, so at the end of act 1 is we rescue Armie man. The end of act 2… 

SARAH: That would be the midpoint

KAYLA: What’s that? 

SARAH: The midpoint is in the middle of act 2 

KAYLA: What happens at the end of act 1? 

SARAH: Usually the inciting incident, you have to introduce the characters 

KAYLA: Okay, end of act 1, Noodleman gets kidnapped and brought to the underworld 

SARAH: I think we can start with Noodlemaster already having been kidnapped, I think maybe act 1 can be us meeting Armie, Armie, being like where the fuck is the Noodlemaster then Armie kind of teaming up with the, what's the dragon? 

KAYLA: The dragon, he should have a real nerd, I feel like he's a big nerd, what's a nerd name? 

SARAH: Fred, I don't know 

KAYLA: No that's very good 

SARAH: Fred the dragon, okay 

KAYLA: Sure 

SARAH: So, then Armie is like I need to do something to find the Noodlemaster and the only person who believes Armie or the only person who's willing to help them is Fred the dragon man. But that still hasn't established how does the Noodlemaster… I assume Fred knows the Noodlemaster because Fred works 

KAYLA: Yes, here's what I was getting at is so I feel like this movie is the mix of a mystery and a rom-com but then it's not even a rom-com, ha ha got you. So I feel like… 

SARAH: It's an Arom-com 

KAYLA: Arom-com, that's very good. So, the most rom-com thing it would be is if Armie was like a regular at the noodle place and like came in all the time 

SARAH: We should make it seem like there's a love triangle at the midpoint…

KAYLA: Oh, this is good 

SARAH: We should fake people out and make them think that there's a love triangle between… with Armie in the middle of Fred and the noodle master and then like Fred's heart gets broken but like they stay friends and then we think that something's going to happen with the noodle master and Armie but throughout this whole time Armie has been questioning their sexuality and maybe the noodle master in the act 2 break makes a move and Armie just like runs away 

KAYLA: When are the two… aren't there supposed to be like, aren't there usually two big like problems in the movie? 

SARAH: What do you mean by that? 

KAYLA: Like I feel like in a lot of movies like in the middle of the movie there's like some big inciting incident and then it gets resolved 

SARAH: The midpoint 

KAYLA: The midpoint and you're like okay and then it gets resolved and then you're like oh happy and then you're like oh my god there's still 20 minutes left 

SARAH: Yeah, you're thinking… so you're thinking of there's the midpoint and then there's the act two break 

KAYLA: Okay so here's what I'm thinking is the midpoint would be rescuing Noodle Master and you think like oh everything is happy happy and then the act two break that would be when… Wait which one comes first? No, yes and then the act two break would be when Noodle Master makes a move and then you're like oh my god but there's 20 minutes left 

SARAH: Well, right and then maybe Armie when Noodle Master makes a move Armie will probably freak out a little bit and Armie will go to Fred and then we'll have some conflict with Fred because Fred really likes Armie too but Armie is being like hey I don't, help me 

KAYLA: I thought Fred liked Noodle Master 

SARAH: No, Fred likes Armie, everyone likes Armie 

[00:20:00]

KAYLA: Oh, okay, okay, okay 

SARAH: Which is what makes this harder because Armie is aro-ace, this is the conflict 

KAYLA: Yes 

SARAH: And so, at first Fred is kind of jealous or a little upset that you're coming to me for romance help but then Fred realizes that Armie is struggling with this thing. In Act 3 we do need some, if this is a bit of a mystery, we need to bring back some threads of mystery and action into Act 3 I feel like…

KAYLA: Yes, I feel like then… so, Noodle Master is really pissed right? 

SARAH: I like how Noodle Master is just called Noodle Master 

KAYLA: No, I don't think he should have a name, I think it makes it fun and spicy 

SARAH: What’s their gender? I've been imagining Noodle Master as a she 

KAYLA: Oh really? I've been imagining a man, but that I think is just my bias 

SARAH: Well, I was just trying to even it out gender-wise because we have an agender character and a male character 

KAYLA: Sure 

SARAH: So 

KAYLA: Makes sense, okay.

SARAH: Okay 

KAYLA: But she still shouldn't have a name 

SARAH: Yeah, Noodle Master 

KAYLA: Okay, so here's the thing, Noodle Master is pissed. Noodle Master is like, I thought we were in love, what is this? And so, Noodle Master, Armie told them like, you need to be careful, someone kidnapped you, we don't have it figured out yet and then everyone gets all distracted and then Noodle Master is like, well now I'm going to be reckless because fuck you and they get recaptured in the underworld 

SARAH: I have an idea 

KAYLA: Yes 

SARAH: I think we need to have a moment where Armie is suspicious that it was Fred… 

KAYLA: Oh 

SARAH: I don't think it's necessarily right thematically for Fred to have been the one to kidnap 

KAYLA: What if Fred has a twin and it was Fred's twin? 

SARAH: I hate that 

KAYLA: I mean I also hate it but that's why I think it's funny 

SARAH: It's lazy, try again 

KAYLA: It's Fred's mom 

SARAH: But like, no, stop it. But I do think that would be an interesting 

KAYLA: That would be good 

SARAH: All of a sudden Armie's, they had gone to Fred for help and then all of a sudden they're suspicious of Fred because they're like, oh have you just been fake helping me this whole time? Have you actually just been trying to get in my pants? And so, then Armie would be completely on their own at that point because they're like, I don't trust Fred and Noodle Master is missing What now? I think that makes for an enticing act 3

KAYLA: I agree because I feel like Armie would go to… Because I feel like the reason Armie started questioning their sexuality is maybe when they were on the hunt to find Noodle Master the first time they were just hanging out together, maybe doing some stakeouts and Fred is a nerd so he's not very smooth but maybe he started saying some things and Armie was like, he's definitely flirting with me 

SARAH: I think there needs to be some traditionally romantic moments that just don't quite play right for Armie

KAYLA: Yes 

SARAH: Or maybe they do play right but Armie just feels weird about it 

KAYLA: Yeah. I feel like it should be very dramatic rom-com. The movie should read like a rom-com until the very end and you're like, whaaat? 

SARAH: It should read like a rom-com with a lot of mystery and then it turns out the real mystery was…

KAYLA: Oh yes, was their sexuality all along. Okay, no, but listen. So, Armie goes to Fred and is like, I'm really struggling and Fred is like, how did you come to this realization? And Armie is like, here's all these things that happened between us that made me think about it. And then as Armie is thinking back on the past, Armie is like, you know, during all these situations, Fred said this and Fred said that, you know, those were kind of suspicious. So Armie starts thinking about the past and as they do, then they're like, oh, galaxy brain. 

SARAH: Right. Fred would have to also say some things that could be construed the wrong way because I wouldn't want it to just be like, let's do some voiceover of Armie thinking. We need to show Armie is thinking here and have probably… I would imagine, I guess it would be more dramatic if Armie was with Fred when they start to suspect this. 

KAYLA: Yeah 

SARAH: But yeah, we need to be able to show Armie's suspicion and then they would have to probably run away from Fred. 

KAYLA: Yeah, they'd make up an excuse like, oh, I have to go goodbye. 

SARAH: Oh, my arm fell off, I got to go deal with that. 

KAYLA: Oh no. 

SARAH: Okay, and then here's the question, who actually was kidnapping Noodlemaster all along? 

KAYLA: Okay, Sarah, that's what I was just thinking, because it needs to be a character that's also established this whole time. 

SARAH: Yes, it does. But we have only established these three characters, so we're going to have to pull one out of our heads. 

KAYLA: So, I feel like having it be a rival Noodleperson seems very lame. 

SARAH: Yeah, too easy 

KAYLA: It seems very lame. Having it also be the Noodlemaster was just faking it also seems lame. 

SARAH: Yeah. And I think, thematically, I don't want Fred to actually have done it. 

KAYLA: No. We were doing so well. 

SARAH: We were. I mean... 

KAYLA: I mean you could make it even more dramatic and then it’s like a love square of maybe it’s like an ex-partner of Armie’s that didn’t work out and they didn’t realize why it didn’t work out at the time but now they know and so the ex-partner like had been seeing Armie hanging around at the Noodles shop a lot and since it’s a rom-com it really looked like they were in love and so the ex-partner got very jealous and decided to kidnap Noodlemaster.

SARAH: Okay. I feel like though… I don’t know how much I love the concept of Armie having previously had a partner but you saying partner did make me think what if Noodlemaster has like a partner in business? 

KAYLA: Ooh! 

SARAH: Um... 

KAYLA: And the partner business is like you’re getting too distracted with all your feelings. 

SARAH: Yeah, you’re getting too distracted or like I think that if I could take this over I would be more successful and you’re just getting in the way

KAYLA: Mm-hmm. 

SARAH: And so, it was… but here is the thing though Noodlemaster would then have to not have known who kidnapped her because if we’re finding Noodlemaster in the noodle underworld at the midpoint 

KAYLA: Mm-hmm. 

SARAH: Then and at the act 2 break, Armie is suspecting Fred, then either Noodlemaster had to not know who kidnapped her to begin with, because obviously she would have told Armie, right?

KAYLA: Mm-hmm. 

SARAH: Or, Fred would have to be like super suspicious and like make it seem like he was orchestrating the whole thing like puppetry you know? And I think that is a little too much 

KAYLA: Well, it could be possible that Fred wasn't involved, but then after Fred got mad, the business partner saw that Fred was mad and was like, I can turn Fred. 

SARAH: Mm, that's... 

KAYLA: So, Fred wasn't really involved, he was just upset, and the partner took advantage of it. 

SARAH: And he was being used by the partner. That's okay.

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: Yeah, that could work. 

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: And I feel like for Fred, like, he has to not really realize that he's being used. 

KAYLA: But Fred is big dumb. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Fred is big dumb.

SARAH: Yeah. Fred’s problem is that he doesn't realize what's happening. 

KAYLA: Fred is a classic sidekick who is just big dumb. 

SARAH: Yeah, okay. And then we, in the end, we're going to have to figure out that it was the partner. 

KAYLA: Mm-hmm. 

SARAH: I mean, is it Armie that figures out it was the partner, or is there some other... ...assistance that is brought to them that makes them realize? 

KAYLA: I mean, should Fred become a triple agent? 

SARAH: I think that might get a little too complicated. 

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: Especially because Fred is not a main... it's about Armie, I mean it's about Fred. But I think if Fred was a triple agent, it would take too much focus and put it on him, especially towards the end, when the focus really needs to be on Armie and what they're experiencing. 

KAYLA: Well, so maybe Armie gets really suspicious of Fred and starts looking into Fred and staking out and looking at what Fred is doing. And then Armie slowly realizes the stuff Fred is doing, it doesn't seem like he really knows what he's doing. It seems like from clues X, Y, and Z that someone is pulling the strings. And then they figure it out. 

SARAH: How long would it take them to figure that out about Fred though? 

KAYLA: Yeah, probably a while. 

SARAH: Yeah 

KAYLA: Or a good montage. 

SARAH: Montages are expensive. 

KAYLA: Well, this isn't real. So... But I love a montage. 

SARAH: I mean, I think... I wonder if maybe Fred... I almost feel like Fred needs to not be being used by the partner because that makes it too complicated   

[00:30:00]

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: Like I think it might work if like Fred realizes that Armie is being weird and is like bro, what is up? And Armie is like, why did you do it? And Fred is like what the fuck are you talking about? And then we have a little bit of a complication there then they can maybe team back up, but I feel like there needs to be a longer separation in between the… This is a problem with plotting, is that I'm bad at it. 

KAYLA: Well, this is good practice. 

SARAH: I mean, what's going to happen in the end is we're going to figure out it was the partner. Armie is going to explain, probably in a very dramatic way with everyone present

KAYLA: Yes, of course 

SARAH: About their Aro-aceness and how they really do care about these people, they're not just using them for noodles. 

KAYLA: Well, I feel like… So, you know how in mystery movies the person at the end, the detective, will just tell everyone in the same room, lay out how they solved the mystery? 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: So, I feel like Armie is doing that, they're laying out the mystery, and then in the middle of it, maybe that's in the middle of it when they're putting all these pieces together. 

SARAH: They're solving their own mystery. 

KAYLA: Thinking back to the past, they solve their own mystery in the middle of their whole speech about here's how I solved this kidnapping. 

SARAH: There's two parallel mysteries unfolding.  

KAYLA: There's a revelation, and then they're like, wait a second, and that's the moment it finally clicks. 

SARAH: Now, do you think that Armie realizes, like, oh, I'm Aro-Ace, or maybe it's like Noodle Master, like, hey, actually, I've heard of this thing because if Armie were well enough informed about what Aro-Ace is to be able to come to that conclusion on their own independently, without having to be doing a lot of research about it while they're thinking about something else, I'm just not sure that they would have gotten this far. They would have had to be in hardcore denial to not know that they were Aro-Ace if they really fully understood Aro-Aceness at that point, especially because of everything that has been happening with Fred and Noodle Master. So does maybe someone else say to Armie, like, hey... 

KAYLA: Maybe? But I just like the idea of a big revelation. 

SARAH: I like that idea too. I think the problem is that it doesn't necessarily happen like that in real life. 

KAYLA: Yes 

SARAH: And I think, you know, it's not like someone is like, oh, I think I'm gay from this. I looked at JC Shazay and now I'm gay. That's not how it works. 

KAYLA: That's very fair. 

SARAH: I only recently learned who JC Shazay is ace.

KAYLA: I don't know who that is at all. 

SARAH: A 90s heartthrob, I think. 

KAYLA: Sure 

SARAH: But I think maybe it's like they've been figuring it out this whole time. It's something that has been coming to them in pieces. But at this moment, as they're walking everyone through what's happening, they're also kind of explaining, they being Armie, Armie is explaining their own behavior as well. Armie is simultaneously, at the same time, telling one story about this is how I figured it out, and then in parallel to that, saying this is why I acted in ways that y'all thought were weird. And they can kind of, both things can kind of come out at the same time. It would be only be difficult to write. 

KAYLA: Well yes, but we're not doing that right now. Someone else will, it's fine. Yes, I think that's good. 

SARAH: Okay, so on the front end, it's… 

KAYLA: Okay, let's go front to back. Let's run the whole thing through and then… 

SARAH: Well, we originally said it was mystery and then the back half was a rom-com. I think we've changed it so that it's full rom-com with lots of mystery turns out to be a rom-com. 

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: Okay. Okay, so do you want to walk us through what we've got right now? Have you been writing anything down? Because I've just been doing this off the top of my head. 

KAYLA: No, I haven't been writing anything. What do I look like to you? Okay. 

SARAH: Well, I just have a… Let's see if we can even remember what we said. 

KAYLA: I feel like I remember. Okay, front to back. So, there's this very good noodle restaurant. This person, Armie, is like, I love these noodles. 

SARAH: As we all do. 

KAYLA: As we all do. They start going to the local noodle restaurant a lot. There are two managers, or owners, there. One kind of has a shady vibe. There are some dramatic cues throughout that you are kind of like, who is that? Why are we a friend? 

SARAH: And their name is just Partner. 

KAYLA: And their name is just Partner. They don't even get a name. But then the other owner is very nice. They also don't have a name. It's Noodle Master. 

SARAH: Her name is Noodle Master. 

KAYLA: And so, in a rom-com way, Armie becomes a regular. And there's some rom-com moments. And also featured every time Armie is coming in and out of the restaurant is Fred, who will say hi or occasionally come into the restaurant for some water. 

SARAH: Got to hydrate that dragon. 

KAYLA: Got to hydrate. And is always kind of like looking at Armie and like, you know, a way. 

SARAH: Just longing, pining from distance. 

KAYLA: Just longing. And so then... 

SARAH: Yearning, if you will. 

KAYLA: Yearning, if you will. And then one day, or maybe over the course of a couple days, Armie is like, I haven't been seeing Noodle Master in the restaurant. 

SARAH: I think maybe one specific sketchy thing needs to happen that both Armie and Fred were there for but no one else was. Which is why these two are the only ones who were banding together to find Noodle Master, you know? 

KAYLA: Mm-hmm 

SARAH: Aside from them just kind of casually knowing each other, I think there needs to be a stronger bond why it's them two specifically that do this. 

KAYLA: That's fair. Maybe like one shady closing night there are some weird words exchanged between the partner and Noodle Master and then the next day it's like, where is Noodle Master? 

SARAH: Where's Noodle Master? 

KAYLA: Yeah. And so, then Armie is like, don't worry about it, I'm suddenly a detective. 

SARAH: It's me, a detective. 

KAYLA: It's me, a detective. And so, we have some good stakeout scenes where there's lots of sexual tension that doesn't really exist with Fred. I keep imagining like... 

SARAH: Here’s the thing, I think the sketchy thing that happens shouldn't be directly, explicitly connected to the partner. 

KAYLA: That’s very true 

SARAH: I think it needs to be more unclear, more discreet throughout that it's the partner. Because otherwise, the partner would just be a straight up antagonist and it wouldn't be a mystery. And why would she suspect Fred? 

KAYLA: That’s very true. That's true. 

SARAH: So, I think just, it might not be words exchanged, but just something weird happens. 

KAYLA: A vibe. 

SARAH: Whatever. 

KAYLA: We'll figure it out. We don't need that part right now. 

SARAH: Bad vibes. 

KAYLA: I keep imagining while the stakeout situations happen, I keep imagining for some reason they're in a sewer walking around.

SARAH: Why are they in a sewer? 

KAYLA: I don't know, I just feel like in movies sometimes you like have a flashlight and you're walking through a sewer. 

SARAH: I'm picturing them sitting in a car staring at an apartment building. 

KAYLA: Yeah, I also had that, but I was more thinking about a sewer. 

SARAH: A sewer? What is this, Les Mis? 

KAYLA: I don't know. Anyways 

SARAH: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? 

KAYLA: I was also thinking about that. So anyway, stakeouts happen in multiple locations, and eventually, I don't know, through talking to an amount of people or some clues, I don't know, we're not writing this right now, they find Noodle Master, and they're… Noodle Master. 

SARAH: Yeah, the thing I'm worst at writing is the middle, so I'm glad we're just skating over this. 

KAYLA: You don't need it! We're hitting the big plot points that matter, and those are not them, and you can all shut up or suggest your own ideas, whatever. This isn't your podcast. And then there's a dramatic moment where Noodle Master's like, Oh, my god, you saved me! Oh my god! And they go in for like a kiss, and Armie is like oh 

SARAH: Maybe Armie accepts the kiss, but isn't enthusiastic about it. 

KAYLA: Yeah, but then why does Noodle Master start accusing them of only being in it for the noodles? 

SARAH: I think it needs to be a little bit of a slower burn on that. 

KAYLA: Okay, alright. 

[00:40:00]

SARAH: I think it needs to be like, at first, Armie is just kind of uncomfortable, and at first it's like, Oh, I'm just going to harken back to something you claimed about Star Wars. Maybe this is a friendship kiss. 

KAYLA: It was a friendship kiss. 

SARAH: Fuck off. 

KAYLA: It was, and it makes me feel better to think it was. 

SARAH: But maybe, you know, it's just like, at first, maybe there's a miscommunication, classic miscommunication in a rom-com, where Noodle Master thinks this is a romantic thing, and Armie just thinks, oh, them being thankful, we're good friends. And then as time goes on, Armie is just more and more uncomfortable, and then Fred is more and more jealous, and he's just like, alright, fine, I guess my heart is going to be broken over here, I'm just going to hold this sign in front of the restaurant. 

KAYLA: That's very, yeah, because I feel like to make it seem like that part in the movie where a big problem is resolved and everything is fine and happy, I guess there should be some time where they're together and you think, oh, it worked.  

SARAH: You think it's chill. And then you're just feeling bad for Fred because he never really made his move, because he's a shy little man. 

KAYLA: And he's like, oh my god, if I had only actually kissed her in the stakeout car instead of getting really close to her face and then grabbing that French fry. 

SARAH: What an image! You're painting your picture

KAYLA: Am I wrong though, or is that definitely a scene from a rom-com? It like is. It is

SARAH: Oh man. 

KAYLA: And so, Fred is sad, but then there's a confrontation of Armie being like, I do not know. 

SARAH: That's just the scene. Armie just goes, I do not know. 

KAYLA: And then it cuts to black for a second, and you think it's over, but it's not, it comes back. And Noodle Master is like, I can't believe you're just… 

SARAH: What a horribly structured movie. 

KAYLA: Noodle Master is like, I can't believe you're only in it for the discounted noodles I was giving you because I thought we were in love. And maybe that's part of the reason the business partner was so mad. The business partner, who I'm imagining is a man with a mustache, was like, we're losing money, aren’t you giving out so many discounts. 

SARAH: Listen, Noodle Master just cares about her customers. 

KAYLA: No, she does. And so, then Noodle Master is like, well I'm going to go off and be reckless even though Armie is like, we don't know who the kidnapper is yet, you can't just go off traipsing around town. And Noodle Master is like, watch me. 

SARAH: Watch me, bitch. 

KAYLA: And then what do you know, she gets kidnapped yet again. 

SARAH: She gets re-kidnapped. 

KAYLA: She gets re-napped

SARAH: And at this point, this is when Armie is suspecting Fred. Well, no, prior to this, Armie had been rekindling their friendship with Fred and the kind of confiding in Fred. But then the timing of Noodle Master disappearing and Fred doesn't have a very good alibi. 

KAYLA: No, he's a big dumb. 

SARAH: And maybe he was just, in real life, staring at the moon thinking about Armie, but that's not a good alibi. 

KAYLA: No 

SARAH: And so, then they start to suspect Fred, eventually they find Noodle Master again. I'm skipping over the meat of that. 

KAYLA: I mean, maybe Noodle Master escapes the second time. 

SARAH: Okay. Yeah, no, that would be good. See, you'll note my problem here is I'm very focused on character arcs and themes, but specific plot points. 

KAYLA: Who needs them? Certainly not us. So maybe Noodle Master escapes this time and is able to say, and so they're able to say, here are some things I know about where I was, and I never saw who kidnapped me, but like... 

SARAH: They were wearing a mask the whole time. 

KAYLA: But here are some things that happened that are like, here are some clues. And so those clues are what leads us to the partner? 

SARAH: The confrontation where suddenly everyone's there. 

KAYLA: Yes.  In the restaurant. 

SARAH: And then the Armie explains it, Armie comes out, their friend's partner goes to jail happily ever after the end. 

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: We did it. 

KAYLA: I think that was very good and very successful. What's it called, the movie? 

SARAH: It's called Aromcom but one word. 

KAYLA: But there's nothing about noodles in there. I feel like the title should have something with noodles. 

SARAH: Noodles colon Aromcom. 

KAYLA: Okay, yes, that's very good. 

SARAH: But again, Aromcom is one word so people don't realize it's Aromcom as in aromantic. 

KAYLA: How could they know? Idiots. 

SARAH: How could they know? 

KAYLA: A bunch of idiots. 

SARAH: Idiots, all of you. 

KAYLA: This is, I think, very powerful and good. 

SARAH: Yes. 

KAYLA: I feel like you didn't think it was going to be good and I feel like I also didn't think this was going to go well. But I feel like it really did. 

SARAH: I mean, it could have gone way worse had I not had a film degree and had a good concept of how you structure a movie. 

KAYLA: I mean, yes, that was definitely necessary because I sure didn't know. 

SARAH: Yeah, I've spent too many tuition dollars on learning that to fuck that up. 

KAYLA: See, Sarah, didn't they go to good use? Look what you're doing with your degree now. Doing this. 

SARAH: Oh boy. Alright, well, what's our poll? Would you watch this movie, yes or yes? 

KAYLA: Yeah, I think that's... yeah. 

SARAH: Who's your favorite character? Armie. Poor Fred. 

KAYLA: Poor Fred. 

SARAH: Noodle master or partner, the bitch. 

KAYLA: Oh. Maybe, like, how many stars would you rate? Maybe we'll have just a lot of polls. Maybe just a couple. 

SARAH: What would you rate this on IMDb? 

KAYLA: Would you... 

SARAH: On Rotten Tomatoes. 

KAYLA: Okay, there's going to be a series of polls all in a thread together is what I've decided. 

SARAH: Oh, man. Alright, cool. 

KAYLA: How about you go first while I write these down? 

SARAH: I'm going to do my beef first so that we end on a higher note. My beef is the collective trauma that we're all going to get from this coronavirus situation. I was reading a post about how people who experienced the depression, they had what's called collective trauma. A lot of them had a tendency to hide money all over their house. I know I have relatives who lived through the Great Depression who would wash plastic silverware and wash ziplocks and stuff. 

KAYLA: We're all going to hoard toilet paper for the rest of our lives. 

SARAH: We're going to hoard food, probably. We have both experiences, personally like watching TV or movies that were made before this, anytime characters touch each other I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? That's a weird reaction I have. 

KAYLA: Even while we were talking about this plot, I was like, they're going outside so much. Like I had that thought. 

SARAH: Yeah. And so it’s like… I was just reading this post about how we don't really know for sure what the collective trauma is necessarily going to manifest itself as, but there's probably going to be it and only now are we really starting to get a good grasp on what the mental health implications are. I was watching earlier a livestream today on the Crooked Media Instagram. It was with Tommy Vitor and Jason Kander. And Jason is a veteran who went through a lot of shit and has had PTSD. And he was talking about the parallels between the PTSD that he experienced in Afghanistan versus what's kind of happening now, when he was talking about this book, he read about in the UK, I think, about how, or in World War Two, how at first everyone's like, okay, we're going to hunker down, we're doing this for the good of everyone, this sucks, but we can do it. And then after a couple of weeks, that mindset wears off and the mental health implications really start to settle in. And that's where we're at right now, at least in the United States. And so, things are going to be rough for a while. 

KAYLA: It is, yeah, I saw, I don't know, I don't remember how it was related to me, maybe like a second cousin, but, and this was like, a couple weeks ago when, and I will say I have been reacting correctly this whole time. And my coworkers thought I was crazy. And I was not. When I left the state of Connecticut very swiftly to go home to Michigan, all my coworkers were like, what are you doing? And guess who's stuck in Connecticut now? Not me. 

SARAH: Yeah, I mean, I would say your decision was, rush is not the right word. It was, it was a bold choice, but it wasn't the wrong choice. 

[00:50:00]

KAYLA: It was a very quick choice. Like my office closed on a Friday. And no, on Thursday, we were like, we're not coming into work anymore. And then that day I was like, packing and I went home on Sunday. 

SARAH: Yeah, like you decided very quickly. 

KAYLA: I decided before we closed the office actually that when the office closes, I will be going home. Anyway, people thought I was crazy. I wasn't. But anyway, so this was like two weeks ago when I think people were like, oh, this seems like an overstatement. But like my second cousin or whatever on Facebook was like, this is going to be like this generation, like my kids’ generation of what 9-11 was to us. Because like, I don't really remember personally 9-11 that well at all. And kids younger than us definitely don't or weren't alive for it. 

SARAH: I have a vague memory, but not anything. 

KAYLA: I have nothing. But like this is definitely going to be the thing where it's like, I know what I was doing and how my family is handling it. 

SARAH: Yeah, except, this is going to be like, 9-11, because I think for a lot of people 9-11 is the only tentpole we have to give us context. I mean obviously there are people who lived through World War II and… but they're all very old. And so, the vast majority of people really only have 9-11 in America as a tentpole for understanding this. But it's, I mean, a lot more people are going to die than died in 9-11, it's going to last much longer. But in terms of the societal reaction to what the fuck is going on, I've seen a lot of comparisons of like… like Trump's approval rating is going up, much like George Bush's did after 9-11. Trump's approval rating is not jumping as much as Bush's did because Trump is a disaster person and is doing a shit job. 

KAYLA: But Sarah, he's the most popular person on Facebook now, didn't you hear? 

SARAH: I got to go. But yeah, I just, my beef is the social and of course the economic implications, like Kayla and I are both very lucky to still be getting paychecks. I know that's not the case for everyone. But you know, that sucks. You want to hear some juice? 

KAYLA: I would love that. 

SARAH: I have a couple of juices. My first juice is, there's a podcast that I had never heard of before, it's called Reply All, but I was listening to this week's episode, this past week's episode of Dear Hank and John, which is a very good episode by the way. And they mentioned this recent episode of Reply All where they were talking about a missed, like the case of the missing hit. Basically, this guy remembers this song that was played a lot on the radio in the 90s, but he cannot find the song on the internet. He remembers a lot of the lyrics, he remembers the song really well, he cannot figure out what the song is. He remembers the song so well that they eventually re-record it. 

KAYLA: What the fuck? Did they ever find it? 

SARAH: Eventually, it took so long though. Spoiler. Sorry. 

KAYLA: I've heard of that show, but I've never listened to it. 

SARAH: Yeah, but this episode was wild. And like even though I just accidentally spoiled it for all of you, it doesn't read because it's a podcast, but it reads like a thriller, but with no stakes. It's great. 

KAYLA: That sounds amazing. Now I want to listen to it. 

SARAH: Yeah, it's very good. I also, other juice, the concept of hope, I think it's good. Other juice, Schitt's Creek episode 613, it was the penultimate, it was this past week's episode, it was the penultimate episode of the show, it was very good, I cried. Next week, or this coming week I guess, this week, if you're listening when this comes out, which many of you will be, is going to break me because it's the series finale and it's followed by a one-hour documentary about the making of the last season and I will cry again. 

KAYLA: Oh my 

SARAH: My last juice is sitting out in the sun during lunchtime and reading a book.

KAYLA: That's good. 

SARAH: I might have gotten a little bit sunburnt today, but hey, anything to feel something, am I right ladies? 

KAYLA: Oh boy. 

SARAH: No, but I have taken to... Because when I'm at work, over lunch, I leave my desk and I can't work. And now I find that I kind of just keep working, which is okay because I'm doing less work during work hours. So, it evens out, it's not like I'm doing extra extra work, but to get myself fully away from concerned about what the fuck is going on. I've been going out to the little courtyard, or today I went to the roof because there were some men in the courtyard who were using a circular saw to cut some tile. I didn't want to be part of that, so I went up to the roof and got a sunburn. But I've been reading my book, it has been good, I would recommend it, especially if you are in a place that has sun. It's getting warmer here and I'd like it to stop. You can have some peat if you want. 

KAYLA: As a treat. 

SARAH: Yeah, as a treat. What's your beef and juice? 

KAYLA: My beef, let me think, what is my beef? My beef is... we're just not going to do one. They're all too big, you know? Too big. 

SARAH: Yeah, beeves too big to handle. 

KAYLA: They be too big. 

SARAH: I don't have enough room in my freezer for all that beef. 

KAYLA: No, certainly not. 

SARAH: I don't have an extra chest freezer, but a lot of people will after this because of the collective trauma. Anyway. 

KAYLA: Well, we already have one because we live in the Midwest, and so of course we have a fridge in our garage. 

SARAH: Yeah, at my parents' house… and my parents have…

KAYLA: Of, course you do. A very old white fridge. 

SARAH: There's the front fridge, which is the fridge in the kitchen. There's the back fridge, which is the fridge in the lounge room. And there's the meat fridge, which is the chest freezer in the basement. 

KAYLA: Yeah, we used to have a kitchen fridge, a garage fridge, and a garage chest freezer, but now the garage fridge isn't on anymore. It's still there, just not on. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Okay, juice are... I also have a podcast. Do you know who Megan Stalter is? 

SARAH: Sounds familiar. 

KAYLA: Maybe I've talked about her before, but she's one of the people on Twitter that does the point of view funny videos. She's a comedian, and she was just starting to do a lot of live shows and stuff, and now she can't, which is sad. But she has a podcast called Confronting Demons with Megan Stalter. And so usually it's two episodes a week, and then the first one she has a guest on, and also her brother is always on with her. And she is in character as a very nasty, just like wild person. She's confronting someone about something they did to her, and then in the second episode of the week she actually interviews the person, and it's usually a comedian or whatever. But both episodes are hilarious, and I have been listening to them while working and just dying laughing. They're very good. I would highly recommend. 

SARAH: Tea 

KAYLA: My other juice is Animal Crossing because it's very good, and I've been playing just every day so much. And I caught all the rare fish before March ended and they went away…

SARAH: Rare 

KAYLA: And I did it with two hours to spare and it was very dramatic. 

SARAH: A master, much like our film. 

KAYLA: Thank you 

SARAH: Noodle Aromcom. Noodle, colon, aromcom. 

KAYLA: Aromcom. Yes. Yeah, those are them. 

SARAH: Okay, good. Well, you can tell us about your juice, your beef, you can commiserate in an uplifting way about how we're going to deal with this collective trauma as a group. Talk about potential solutions and outcomes on our Twitter, @SoundsFakePod. Also, hit up our Discord. It has been a lot more active because people are needing community right now, so join ours. It's a good time. 

KAYLA: The German chat has turned into some other languages sometimes. 

SARAH: Yeah, recently I entered the Discord exclusively to drop a single F in the chat and then I left. 

KAYLA: When was that? 

SARAH: It was last night, I think. 

KAYLA: Oh, good. 

SARAH: Yeah, someone just said something and they were like Fs in the chat and I just dropped an F and then I left. 

KAYLA: Oh, good. Very nice of you. 

SARAH: But yeah, also if you would like to support us on Patreon, if that is possible for you, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We have some new patrons this week. Our new $2 patrons are Scott Ainsley and Robin Leanne. Thank you, Scott and Robin, for your support. 

KAYLA: Thank you

SARAH: Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Astritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fierro, Dee, Megan Rowell, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Tim, BookMarvel, Changeling MX, Derek and Carissa. Stop flying by. Stop. Oh, that was a FedEx one. It's OK. That one is allowed. Changeling MX, Derek and Carissa, Simone Simon, Jamie Jactry, Yangy, Jessica Shea. And we have some new ones. Ria Faustino and Daniel Walker. 

KAYLA: Hello 

SARAH: Thank you, Ria and Daniel, for your support. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyunclekevin @Tessa_M_K. Arcnes who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote tabletop games, Anonymous who would like to promote Halloween but from six feet away, Sarah McCoy who would like to promote podcasts from a Planet Weird, my aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher's Haven, Cassandra who would like to promote their modeling Instagram @Liddowred

[01:00:00]

SARAH: Doug Rice who would like to promote the Parenting Forward conference, Maggie Capelbo who would like to promote her dog's Instagram @minniemuffin19. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, my mom, Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs from six feet away, Sarah Jones is @Eternalloli Everywhere, Dia Chappelle would like to promote the podcast The Beacon, and Dragonfly would like to support donating to Feeding America or your local food bank, I’m trying to remember what the Canadian one is called, to support the people in your community who may be having trouble…

KAYLA: Yes 

SARAH: With food insecurity right now. 

KAYLA: Mm-hmm

SARAH: Thank you for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears. 

KAYLA: And until then, wash your cows’ hands. 

SARAH: They don't have hands.  

KAYLA: Do it anyway. 

SARAH: Wash the whole cow. 

KAYLA: Oh, okay.

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]