Hey what's up hello! This week Sarah is writing the description and she's bad at it. We talked about how there are definitely only two genders and how gender is not at all a construct and how everything is a binary and absolutely not a spectrum.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/the-two-genders
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! This week Sarah is writing the description and she's bad at it. We talked about how there are definitely only two genders and how gender is not at all a construct and how everything is a binary and absolutely not a spectrum.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/the-two-genders
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey what's up, hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode, The Two Genders
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod
KAYLA: M’acaroni, I certainly have done that before
SARAH: You certainly have, have you done m’acaroons?
KAYLA: I don't know. M’… oh, I've definitely done Miami before
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: M’oo, there's no way I haven't done that
SARAH: M’odern Love on Apple Plus TV.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: M’odern Family on ABC.
KAYLA: Oh, this seems like enough
SARAH: Okay, cool, just an FYI in the event that something happens before this episode is posted, this episode has been pre-recorded like a week and a half in advance so…
KAYLA: We're recording this episode before we recorded that… or for recording the episode that you heard last week with Alice, so
SARAH: Yes. So, um…
KAYLA: Who knows what has happened since then?
SARAH: If something has happened, listen I don't know what you want us to do about it
KAYLA: We've turned three, we've talked to Alice freaking Oseman since then so who's to say? I'm currently camping when you're listening to this. Actually, I'm on my way back from camping
SARAH: And I'm currently not
KAYLA: Well, you don't know what could happen next week. Maybe you will be
SARAH: I don't think I will. All right, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, I can't remember where this idea came from but I feel like it must be one of mine because…
SARAH: It was
KAYLA: I mean, truly what? Where we would do another silly, you know list episode. So, you know the meme that's like, ah, yes the two genders.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So, we're going to just throw out some things that we think are the two genders. However, I guess disclaimer if you are not woke is that there are more than two genders and in fact, there's actually like no genders if you really think about it
SARAH: Gender isn't real. Yeah, the we are we are poking fun at the gender binary with this. We're not intending to reinforce it.
KAYLA: Yes, the performance of gender
SARAH: And you'll see that in the things we say then that they're going to be completely absurd.
KAYLA: I hope so because once again have I… Listen, have I come up with anything beforehand? Obviously not
SARAH: I prepared a few things, but they're kind of all bad. So
KAYLA: Yeah, we almost did this episode two weeks ago and then Sarah was like, let's do the reasons to say no to sex first because I want more time to prepare for the gender one and then…
SARAH: And then?
KAYLA: She didn't so
SARAH: I did not. Would you like to go first Kayla?
KAYLA: No. Why? I just said I hadn't prepared
SARAH: Okay, well my first example of the two genders are the two genders are Sonny and Cher
KAYLA: That's a good one
SARAH: Yeah, like you're either a Sonny or you're a Cher and like that's there's no in-between there's no anything else.
KAYLA: No. Yeah
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: My first two genders are Cats the musical and Les Mis
SARAH: Mm, that’s a good point. Yeah. It's just… it's binary. There's one and there's the other
KAYLA: There's one and there's the other and there's nothing
SARAH: Is there anyone who is in both movie musicals?
KAYLA: Oh? God, I hope not. What a demotion that would have been if you've gone from being in the Les Mis movie to the Cats movie, oof, ouch
SARAH: Anyway, um. Yeah, another example of the two genders or another I guess interpretation of the two genders is people who like Disney World and people who like Universal Studios
KAYLA: Okay, but here's my thing is what about Disney World versus Disneyland? Because recently I've talked to a lot of people who've only been to Disneyland and trying to explain to them like even the layout of Disney World is exhausting
SARAH: How Disney World is inherently better than Disneyland
KAYLA: Yeah, but they don't understand like, you know how in Universal you like walk in and then there's the two parks and it's like all in a little like fenced in area,
SARAH: Are you talking Universal Orlando or Universal California?
KAYLA: I think they're both like that.
SARAH: I've never been to Universal Orlando I've only been to Universal, California.
KAYLA: Oh. Well, the way Universal is and I think how Disneyland in California is, is that you like walk in and then there's like a little entrance area and then it splits off into the two parks
SARAH: Yeah. It's like one park and then another park you either turn right or you turn left
KAYLA: Yeah, and it's like all and like once you're in you're in but Disney World is like literally thousands of miles big
SARAH: It's like a campus
KAYLA: It's literally… and so you like drive in and like the entrance is a highway and it's very difficult to explain to people that, they're like, but it's the NBA bubble and I'm like there isn't a bubble. It's a highway.
SARAH: It's Disney
KAYLA: It's Disney. So anyway…
SARAH: I've been to the Disney World of Sports. I had a gymnastics meet there once and like it's big, it's like many buildings
KAYLA: Yeah, it's just not a bubble.
SARAH: Well, yeah, because I mean Orlando was basically built around Disney World, whereas Disneyland…
KAYLA: Yeah. There was a confusion about that too with people talking about… they were like, so it's in Orlando? And I was like, yes
SARAH: No
KAYLA: And they were like what is…
SARAH: It is Orlando, is what it is.
KAYLA: It was very… Anyway, so I think the two genders are actually Disney World and Disneyland.
SARAH: I think that's a fair argument that you could make
KAYLA: Thank you
SARAH: I also think that the two genders are contact sports and non-contact sports
KAYLA: That one seems… You can't just say something and non-something
SARAH: Well, they're two different things
KAYLA: I mean, yes
SARAH: Also, I mean, if you really want to dive in to the realness of sports for example women's lacrosse is a non-contact sport but men's lacrosse is a contact sport who the fuck decided that?
KAYLA: Not me
SARAH: Why? I know like there are more rules for checking in women's hockey than men's hockey, it's insane.
KAYLA: It's pretty dumb
SARAH: It's insane
KAYLA: My two genders are Chicken and Chili powder
SARAH: I'm not following
KAYLA: Well, I was trying to think of something spicy and then something like bland and like a lot of people make fun of white people because we don't know how to use seasoning which is true. So, I was trying to think of like a spice that someone who was like cultured would use and then like unseasoned chicken that a white person would eat
SARAH: I mean, I think that explanation makes a little bit more sense, but just saying chicken is very vague
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah
SARAH: Like you could go like unseasoned chicken versus like all spice because you know, that's like everything mixed together
KAYLA: What about everything bagel versus plain bagel
SARAH: See, that's actually a really interesting thing because if there is a gender binary between everything bagels and plain bagels, would that make me…
KAYLA: A donut.
SARAH: No, I was just going to say, I do… I used to only clean bagels.
KAYLA: I thought that was funny
SARAH: I used to only eat plain bagels and I had everything bagel this morning. So… but if there's only two gender like what, you know, that's transcending so would that just not be allowed that I wouldn't be able to have two different kinds? If you think about like very… I can't think of the right word
KAYLA: Well, I think you could use the bagel analogy for sexuality better than gender like you could say if asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction or like the rarity of it then it would be a plain bagel and someone who was like pansexual would be an everything bagel and then like if you were bi it would have like two or more toppings and if you are straight it would have like one topping
SARAH: Okay, so like bi would be like a cinnamon sugar bagel?
KAYLA: Sure, and then gay…
SARAH: And some people… some people are like they're like bi pan. I'll use both, I'm half cinnamon sugar bagel and half everything bagel
KAYLA: Or just like whichever day you get to eat both like you get to… you get to…
SARAH: Whatever you're feeling.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: I think we've done it, should we end the episode now?
SARAH: We've solved sexuality
KAYLA: Goodbye. This is the end of the podcast
SARAH: With bagels
KAYLA: With bagels
SARAH: Good
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: I… the two genders are also characters who have names like real names on Fleabag and then the characters who don't, those are the two genders.
KAYLA: What are the… what are the characters that don't have real names called? They are use like weird names or they just like…
SARAH: Fleabag.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: The main character in Fleabag, her name is Fleabag, she doesn't have a name.
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: It's not a very good name
SARAH: And hot priest is named hot priest.
KAYLA: That's funny. That's a good name.
SARAH: There's a man… There's a… there's a character named asshole guy
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Like the characters are only named in Fleabag if they like have to be for the purposes of plot like if they have to be acknowledged by their name
KAYLA: I just thought of two new genders.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Hot priest and ugly rabbi, and this one's difficult because hot and ugly are subjective. So, I guess what gender you are depends on the person
SARAH: Yeah, like what if I think that rabbi is really hot?
KAYLA: Yeah, um, I think that in this case, it's kind of like we decide what gender these priests and rabbis are, not them
SARAH: Well, the thing with priests is that they have to be men because the Catholics can be sexist
KAYLA: I guess we could do pastors and rabbis then
SARAH: Pastors, yeah
KAYLA: Hot pastors and ugly rabbis or hot rabbi ugly pastor.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Yeah, I think we should go hot rabbi ugly pastor.
KAYLA: I agree I just thought of another one and I want to say it before I forget
SARAH: Please
KAYLA: Amish person and Elon Musk. I think these are opposite ends of any binary
SARAH: Of any binary, Amish versus Elon.
KAYLA: I mean, I think… I do think it works really well
SARAH: Yeah, that's very fair. I think also on like the two opposite ends of the binary the gender binary are those who can remember the order of the words person, woman, man, camera, TV and those who can't. Now, I'm not sure if this will still be relevant when this pod comes out.
KAYLA: I think it'll be relevant forever
SARAH: But, you know, there's just two genders person, woman, man, camera, TV and then people who just maybe you know, person, TV, woman, Cameraman, you know can't do it.
KAYLA: I would like to put forth that perhaps there are actually five genders
SARAH: Person, woman, man, Camera
KAYLA: Person and TV perhaps which one do you… tag yourself. Which one are you Sarah?
SARAH: I'm the TV.
KAYLA: I think I'm the camera. Nice
SARAH: Good, exciting. And if there's anyone out there who doesn't get that joke live in your ignorant bliss don’t look it up
KAYLA: Don't even look
SARAH: Just don't
KAYLA: Just live your life
SARAH: Really just don't
KAYLA: What about Costco and an empty desert
SARAH: No, I was going to say Costco and Sam's Club
KAYLA: No, but the exact opposite if we're going for like gender binary of a fully loaded Costco is just simply an empty desert
SARAH: An empty desert. Yeah
KAYLA: Tag yourself, we should be choosing which one we are, tag yourself Sarah, are you Costco or desert
SARAH: I'm Costco, I never had Heelys but my sister did and she would always go with my dad to Costco and Heely around Costco
KAYLA: I thought you were going to say that she bought her Heely’s at Costco, which would also be incredible.
SARAH: No. I'm sure she could have
KAYLA: Probably they've a lot of stuff there
SARAH: But I mean they just have perfect floors for healing.
KAYLA: That's fair
SARAH: So. Whose turn is it?
KAYLA: Yours?
SARAH: Oh, no.
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: I'm out of things
KAYLA: Welcome
SARAH: I think the two genders are… I think the two genders are Saturn and Neptune. I know a lot of times it's like oh Venus and Mars are like the two gen... No, I think it's Saturn and Neptune
KAYLA: Explain
SARAH: One is one gender and one is the other
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Yes?
KAYLA: That wasn't explaining it
SARAH: Okay, Venus and Mars Venus is Aphrodite Mars is aro-ace
KAYLA: I thought Jupiter was the… but I thought Jupiter because it was like boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider.
SARAH: Oh, I don't know, that would be mean
KAYLA: And girls go to Venus to… why did girls go to Venus?
SARAH: Something about a penis?
KAYLA: That can't be right.
SARAH: I don't know. That's the only thing I can think of
KAYLA: I just don't know
SARAH: I just wanted to pick to… I mean that is the problem with the planets is they are all kind of identified with the gender because of the Roman gods
KAYLA: And the moon is a lesbian
SARAH: And the moon is a lesbian. So, I… you know what I would say the two genders are people who believe that the moon is a lesbian and people who are wrong
KAYLA: Mm, that's good. Um, I think the two genders are Steve from season one of Stranger Things and Steve from season three of Stranger Things
SARAH: Oh, what a great point
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But now if Steve was able to become one from being the other what does that say about the existence of trans people in in this universe because as we all know there are only two genders and it's very distinct in it. It's… there are very clear lines that make a lot of sense
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess the Steve one does kind of bring up the point that you could… you could go from one to the other
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Well, oops
SARAH: Okay. Busted. okay. I…
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: I think the two genders are people… Now, a lot of times people are like, oh the two genders are people who like cats and the people who like dogs, this is wrong, the two genders are people who like big dogs and the people who like rat dogs
KAYLA: I wonder which side you're on
SARAH: I don't know
KAYLA: I think that the two genders are Crocs and fanny packs
SARAH: Mm, and which gender are you?
KAYLA: Now in this universe… Me? I'm probably a Croc, but in this universe the two genders are very close to each other, the binary is quite short. Not a very long line.
SARAH: Yeah, it's a short binary. Yeah. But it is still a very distinct binary because as we know there are only two genders and…
KAYLA: Yes, and that's it.
SARAH: We're not poking fun at anything here in this work, we're speaking the truth.
KAYLA: No, this is a very… it's probably our most serious episode
SARAH: Our most serious episode. Um, I think that the two genders are people who not only can read Russian but they can read Russian in cursive
KAYLA: Oh, God, can you even write Russian in cursive?
SARAH: Yes, and it just… it's insane, I've seen it
KAYLA: I've never seen that, I can't even imagine it.
SARAH: Yeah, it's a… I mean as a person who doesn't know any Russian, for me it's quite difficult to even tell where the difference between all the letters are.
KAYLA: Oh, my
SARAH: So yeah, the two genders are those who are native Russian cursive readers and those who are not
KAYLA: Mm. My next two genders if I were to name the genders is pigs and cops. Oh, I did it wrong again? Oh No, I did it wrong again I said thing it but it's only one, oops
SARAH: Interesting
KAYLA: Oopsie this binary line is just a dot. Oops
SARAH: I think the two genders are Cousin Greg in Succession and then the other gender is the kid in the pilot of Succession that does not get a home run and Roman rips up a million dollar check in front of him.
KAYLA: Oh, my
SARAH: Not really a spoiler because it's the pilot
KAYLA: That's very stressful sounding.
SARAH: Yeah, they were like if you make a home run I'll give you a million dollars right now and he wrote the check
KAYLA: Jesus Christ
SARAH: And then he got to third base
KAYLA: That's very sad. I feel like they should have given him like 75
SARAH: Well, they paid the family off to shut him off… shut him up by giving them a very expensive watch
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: But anyway
KAYLA: Thank you for yet another recap of Succession
SARAH: You’re welcome
KAYLA: The two genders are Sandlot and Dora the Explorer
SARAH: Hmm. Okay, can you explain?
KAYLA: Uh, no, not really.
SARAH: Okay. I've never seen Sandlot.
KAYLA: It has been a long time
SARAH: Hmm. Okay
KAYLA: That's all
SARAH: I believe that the two genders are Citizen Kane the 1941 film and The Room
KAYLA: Hmm
SARAH: Which came out in what 2000…
KAYLA: Who's to say
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Who's to say? Let's look it up, 2003, I think those are the two
KAYLA: I think…
SARAH: An argument could be made for Casablanca and The Room, I think it just depends on who you asks, who you asks
KAYLA: Who you asks? Who you asks?
SARAH: Who?
KAYLA: I think the two genders are cows and squirrel
SARAH: Interesting
KAYLA: One produce big milk, other produce small milk.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Oh, okay
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: I think the two genders are the bird outside my apartment that won't shut up
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And the birds that keep their fucking mouths closed
KAYLA: Hmm
SARAH: Their beaks closed, if you will
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: Just so you know
KAYLA: I think the two genders and the only two genders are people that believe that birds aren't real and fucking liars
SARAH: Yeah, would you like to give a bit of background on that?
KAYLA: Birds aren't… birds just aren't real
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: They just aren't
SARAH: They're not
KAYLA: They aren't
SARAH: They're not
KAYLA: Nope. I think the two genders are the ants that infiltrated my house the other day and were all over and it was very traumatizing and the bat that flew into our house last night that made us all scream and panic.
SARAH: Oh, wow, that’s fun
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Sometimes there's a bat in our… Or no, not a bat, a squirrel in our chimney.
KAYLA: Oh good.
SARAH: I could have made another Succession reference there, but I didn't
KAYLA: Okay, you probably did just by saying that
SARAH: The two genders are me sending a bunch of Succession gifs to our friend Miranda who has not seen Succession and Miranda who is sending a bunch of Winona Earp gifs to me who has not seen Winona Earp
KAYLA: That seems about right
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: I think that the two genders are, me and Sarah, tag yourself
SARAH: Interesting
KAYLA: Which one are you?
SARAH: I'm Sarah
KAYLA: No, but tag yourself.
SARAH: I'm Sarah. That's the gender I am
KAYLA: Hmm, interesting.
SARAH: When I went to get my driver's license. They were like, what's your gender and I said Sarah
KAYLA: Yeah, on my birth certificate it actually just says Kayla in all of the blank spaces. So. My weight, my length
SARAH: Your birth certificate just says Kayla, come on Kayla
KAYLA: My parents’ signatures, my last name
SARAH: Parents’ names, Kayla
KAYLA: Time of birth
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Was this child vaccinated? Kayla
KAYLA: Kayla?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's all you need to know
SARAH: Okay, um, I think the two genders are people who respect others and wear masks when they go outdoors and people who are assholes?
KAYLA: Mm, that's a good one
SARAH: And honestly, there are kind of is a gender binary there because masks are aren't masculine. It's a mask. It's a mask… It's in the… like Jesus… who the fuck… oh my God. Anyway
KAYLA: Ooh
SARAH: America is burning.
KAYLA: I think the two genders are us spending our money to buy a square foot of Ireland and us spending our money to transcribe episodes of the podcast
SARAH: You make a great point.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah, and I think those are both important invalid genders.
KAYLA: Oh, they're definitely both necessary and needed and fine and worthwhile.
SARAH: Yeah. I think the two genders are people who are right-handed and then people who are left-handed
KAYLA: What if you're ambidextrous then what?
SARAH: Don't exist, don't exist.
KAYLA: Then what?
SARAH: Don't exist.
KAYLA: Hmm.
SARAH: Don't exist.
KAYLA: I don't know about that
SARAH: Don't exist
KAYLA: Okay, I think the two genders are people who ate mud as a child and people who ate play-doh as a child
SARAH: Hmm. I didn't do either
KAYLA: What about paper? I used to eat paper.
SARAH: I didn't do that either
KAYLA: Well
SARAH: Kayla, I wouldn't even eat normal foods
KAYLA: That's so fair
SARAH: So, I think the two genders are people who knew that the Hamptons were on Long Island and people who didn't know that until they were 22
KAYLA: Huh, I wonder which one Sarah is
SARAH: I thought they were upstate for some reason?
KAYLA: I don't know that I ever really put thought into where they were
SARAH: Like I didn't really ever fully make the connection that like the Hamptons are on the ocean and so it wouldn't make sense for them to be upstate. Like I just never really thought about the Hamptons being on the ocean. I was just like oh, it's… where do where do rich people in New York go? Upstate? I don't know. I learned that last week
KAYLA: I’m so proud of you
SARAH: Because I was watching an interview about Succession
KAYLA: Shocking. My opinion on the two genders are people who have been listening to this podcast for a while and are used to episodes like this and some of them like them and people who maybe just found out about us through our episode last week and are like I don't want to listen to this anymore.
SARAH: I didn't even think about the fact that they…
KAYLA: I didn’t either until in the middle of when you were talking and I was like fuck, this isn't good. This isn't right.
SARAH: Oh, no
KAYLA: I mean, maybe it's best that they know what they're getting into right away, you know?
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: And they do have a week to look through our backlog.
SARAH: They sure do
KAYLA: And maybe find some better ones
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Which perhaps they should
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Sorry, I don't know, sorry
SARAH: I think the two genders are people who like our tangents and the people who don't
KAYLA: That's fair. I think that the two genders are us and the podcast A-OK because one of us is a shit show and the other one is very put together, I wonder which is which
SARAH: But we're both equally as ace
KAYLA: True
SARAH: Equally as aro
KAYLA: Yes. Someone in the discord asked recently like what our recording schedule is like when what day of the week we record and then someone came in and was like I'm going to take a guess and say that it's like different every week and incredibly unorganized and I was like wow
SARAH: Here's the thing though…
KAYLA: Roasted in our own discord
SARAH: We've been recording on Wednesday almost every week for like a while now
KAYLA: That's true, ever since like quarantine but sometimes, in the before times, it wasn't as… wasn't as good
SARAH: Remember in the before before times when we didn't even upload on a certain day?
KAYLA: Yes, we did I'm pretty sure we always uploaded on Sunday
SARAH: No, we did not
KAYLA: I'm almost positive
SARAH: That was… we started doing that like last year
KAYLA: No, that is not true
SARAH: You're… No, because we only started updating up uploading on Sundays… No, we started uploading on Sundays when I moved to LA for a summer.
KAYLA: I don't think that's true
SARAH: That's definitely true.
KAYLA: No, because our header on Twitter has like always said…
SARAH: It has not
KAYLA: New episodes on Sunday.
SARAH: It has not always said that
KAYLA: Hold on. Hold the fuck on
SARAH: It has not. You're lying
KAYLA: I'm sure there were weeks where we like posted like late, but I don't… our first episode was uploaded on a Sunday, wasn't it?
SARAH: Remember we used to record episodes on Friday and then we would upload them on Friday?
KAYLA: No. What?
SARAH: They would just go up as soon as I was done editing them.
KAYLA: Oh my God, July 31st 2017 was a Monday. Fuck. August 20th 2017. Oh, God. the second one went out on a Sunday
SARAH: Okay. It was usually sometime around the weekend, but there were no hard and fast…
KAYLA: The third one was on a Sunday
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: The fourth one was on a Sunday
SARAH: But…
KAYLA: I'm going to just Google, the fifth one was on a Sunday, I think you're wrong.
SARAH: I think you're wrong.
KAYLA: The sixth one was on a Sunday
SARAH: There were no rules. We may have most…
KAYLA: The next one was on a Sunday.
SARAH: We may have mostly uploaded on Sundays, but it was not necessarily consistent.
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: Okay, one of these is a Tuesday.
SARAH: Yeah, okay
KAYLA: But then the one after that is a Sunday
SARAH: Okay, so I think I am correct. We tried to kind of do it, but there were no rules
KAYLA: There were… there were rules. We were just…
SARAH: This is off-topic and no one cares
KAYLA: We were just more chill about breaking them. I care very much about this and I feel as though someone is probably… that knows our podcast much better than us is going to tell us what the actual truth is probably
SARAH: The two genders are people who believe in aliens and people who don't
KAYLA: Which one are you?
SARAH: I don't necessarily believe that there's like intelligent alien life that like is going to abduct us but like you cannot tell me that in all of the universe there isn't other life
KAYLA: See I just feel like…
SARAH: That is at least somewhat intelligent
KAYLA: But I feel like the possibility that there's like I don't know that anyone's going to come abduct us but the possibility that there's no other intelligent life form in a universe that's literally infinite, like how would that be possible?
SARAH: It's just not… it's not possible, it’s really not
KAYLA: I think the two genders are people that believe in ghosts and people that don't
SARAH: Hmm. Do you believe in ghosts?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That's what I thought. We really are Ryan and Shane, huh?
KAYLA: It's like kind of creepy how Ryan and Shane we are. Tag you are… the two genders Ryan and Shane…
SARAH: Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej
KAYLA: Are the two genders
SARAH: Of BuzzFeed Unsolved slash Watcher are the two genders
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Yeah, that check out. I think that the two genders are rich old white people who retire in Florida and rich old white people who retire in Arizona
KAYLA: You know what's wild is the more I spend time with people not from the Midwest, the more I learned that Florida like isn't a big deal to people that don't live in the Midwest.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Which is weird.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's just like…
SARAH: What I need y'all non-Midwesterners to understand
KAYLA: Like where else would you go on vacation? Like there's Florida and Myrtle Beach are the…
SARAH: Yeah, I was going to say Myrtle Beach is the only…
KAYLA: Is only…. Yeah, the two genders are Florida and Myrtle Beach because where fuck else would you go on vacation?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Tahoe? No thanks.
SARAH: That's so fucking far away. Got to change time zones for that shit.
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: I have driven to Florida on multiple occasions
KAYLA: We used to drive to Florida every freaking summer
SARAH: My grandparents have a condo in Florida
KAYLA: You know what the two genders are? are rich people with the vans that have like the little tiny TVs that like flip down from…
SARAH: Oh my God, you're so right
KAYLA: The ceiling and the other gender is my family who had a tiny little TV and my dad built a little stand for it…
SARAH: Oh, my God
KAYLA: To sit in our minivan and then put the VCR in it
SARAH: Oh, my God
KAYLA: So, that we had that TV to watch TV on, on the way to Florida
SARAH: That’s so cute
KAYLA: I think those are the genders
SARAH: We had like a really shitty like portable
KAYLA: We had that too. But before the time of even portable movie players.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: There was Kevin building a TV stand for a small but thick TV and then a whole entire VCR
SARAH: I think perhaps an argument could be made that the two genders are people who are able to somehow have a TV in their car and people who aren't
KAYLA: I guess but like our TV took a lot more work and it was cooler probably
SARAH: Okay. Um, I think the two genders are people who are disturbed by the fact that hairless cats look like penises and people who aren't
KAYLA: I have never looked at a hairless cat and thought it looked like a penis
SARAH: Have you ever seen a hairless cat that's like white? I'm not… I'm not talking like a gray hairless cat.
KAYLA: No, I yeah, but like…
SARAH: It looks like a penis
KAYLA: Have you ever seen a penis?
SARAH: Not in the flesh, to be quite frank.
KAYLA: Well, then I just don't trust you and I don't agree with you
SARAH: They just look… they resemble penises too much
KAYLA: They… like they don't, they look like skin and like weirdly fleshy, but like they don't yeah, not the same shape.
SARAH: Yeah. That's basically what a penis is
KAYLA: No, because there's like a lot of other parts of your body that have flesh if you think about it.
SARAH: I just disagree and I…
KAYLA: You don't think there's a lot of other body parts.
SARAH: No, no, no, no, there are.
KAYLA: You disagree with that?
SARAH: That's not what I disagree with, I just disagree that they don't look like penises and…
KAYLA: I just don’t…
SARAH: No, I will not look at a penis to find out whether I'm right or not
KAYLA: I'm almost positive that the only reason you've seen a penis is like porn that has assaulted you on Tumblr, in which case you probably scrolled past it very quickly. So, I don't trust what you… I don't even trust that you've looked at a penis for more than a second
SARAH: There were definitely some penises happening on Dark on Netflix and I was just like ugh
KAYLA: See, but did you look away from it very quickly?
SARAH: I did, I mean…
KAYLA: Have you ever, Sarah…
SARAH: I’ve never…
KAYLA: We're going to get personal. Have you ever looked at a penis for more than three seconds?
SARAH: I've never like studied a penis no.
KAYLA: Well, then how the fuck would you know if a hairless cat looks like a penis?
SARAH: It just seems right to me.
KAYLA: No. No. That's nothing, the two genders are people who have seen a penis for more than three seconds and people who have not and both are totally fine but one of those groups is not allowed to say if something looks like a penis unless it's like a cartoon of a penis then they can say that looks like when people draw a cartoon penis
SARAH: Yeah, I think we're talking about like realistic looking penises. This is what we're going for here.
KAYLA: Not like the anatomy book drawing
SARAH: Not like not like a marble statue
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Of someone where they have a marble penis
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Although I can't say I spend a lot of time staring at those penises either
KAYLA: I think the two genders are people who are like humans that have like a fleshy normal penis and then people who are humans who like all of them is flesh, but then for some reason their penis is made of marble
SARAH: Oh, wow, I mean
KAYLA: Can you even imagine? No, you can't
SARAH: I'm just thinking of all of the different jokes that could be made there
KAYLA: I would like to hear one, please
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Well. Dang it.
SARAH: Listen, if you have a marble penis your dick is always hard. Right? There's people would take that to an extreme. Anyway, I think that the two genders are people who are racist and would like knock the noses off of statues of like famous like Egyptians and stuff because they were like, oh that person has a wide nose I want the world to think this person was white I’m going to knock their nose off and then the people who are smart and would knock the dicks off of marble statues because who would want to look at a marble dick on a statue?
KAYLA: I think that we should start… because so many people are against taking down like um Civil war statues
SARAH: Confederate statues?
KAYLA: Confederate statues is that maybe if you really try to take it down you like try to rip it down and then they start like protecting it, whatever maybe what we start doing is just knocking off little parts of it bit by bit, you start with the nose, maybe you do a finger, maybe you do like a weird feather it has in its hat and slowly one day the town is going to look at it and be like where the fuck that statue go?
SARAH: Just be like that's a disembodied butt
KAYLA: And there'll just be a bunch of pieces everywhere.
SARAH: It's a disembodied butt, is what it is.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Which is a really good definition of what uh the confederacy stood for
KAYLA: I think it's also a good band name
SARAH: Disembodied butt, yeah, no, I agree
KAYLA: Or like our new podcast maybe? I don't know what it's about but…
SARAH: Brought to you by Sounds Fake But Okay is disembodied butt
KAYLA: I think it has a lot of potential
SARAH: Good. Okay. I think the two genders are people who think it's acceptable to just play their music out loud when other people are in the room and it's not like a party situation, like off of their like phone or their computer and people who know that it is the polite thing to do to wear fucking headphones
KAYLA: Yeah. That was like a big thing when we were living together I feel like
SARAH: That was like the one thing where I was like Kayla
KAYLA: Can you stop?
SARAH: You cannot fucking play your shit out loud…
KAYLA: And I was like…
SARAH: Unless it is something that the group is like experiencing together intentionally
KAYLA: That's fair. I had one and then I forgot. Hold on. I think the two genders are Accordion and Bagpipe.
SARAH: Oh, wow. Yeah. See as soon as you said Accordion I was like Bagpipe
KAYLA: Bagpipe, see, exactly
[00:40:00]
SARAH: I think that… That's perfect. Honestly, I think we should end there because I think that is the perfect um encapsulation of the two binary genders. It's accordion and bagpipe
KAYLA: Maybe there should be a…
SARAH: There are certain similarities, but like they're just so they're so different because there are only two genders and there are… they have…
KAYLA: There are only two
SARAH: There are similar shapes of things but no
KAYLA: And both sound kind of shit
SARAH: I like it good… I think both can sound very good
KAYLA: But only if you're very good at it
SARAH: But only if you're good at it
KAYLA: Should that be our poll this week? Are you…
SARAH: And neither of them should play the American? The national anthem
KAYLA: No
SARAH: They… I've actually never heard the national anthem on an accordion, but I have heard it on a bagpipe and it's not cute
KAYLA: Yikes
SARAH: One bagpipe. I heard it on one bagpipe
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: Great. Wait, so what were you saying about the poll?
KAYLA: That our poll should be what… which gender are you bagpipe or accordion
SARAH: Bagpipe or accordion? Which gender are you?
KAYLA: Me?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I kind of think I'm an accordion, but I couldn't tell you why
SARAH: I think I'm bagpipes.
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: I think I'm just a little too Irish
KAYLA: Hmm
SARAH: To not embrace the bagpipes, you know
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: So. That's that. Um, cool
KAYLA: One of our best, definitely
SARAH: One of our best, yes. Anyway, Kayla, what's your beef and your juice this week, but really last week?
KAYLA: Oh Okay, I'm just going to make a guess at what my beef and my juice are going to be next week. How about that?
SARAH: Okay, sure
KAYLA: I'm going to guess that my beef is mosquitoes because last… we go camping every summer with my family up north in Michigan at Sleeping Bear Dunes and last year I wasn't able to go but the group actually like left early because the mosquitoes were so bad and this year they're so bad that there's like a weather warning for mosquito.
SARAH: Oh, my god
KAYLA: So, we're staying half the week in the cabin and then doing half the week with our regular tent camping
SARAH: Are they like extra hungry because there are expecting many people?
KAYLA: I don't fucking know. No, because it was like this last year, so I don't know what their problem is. I'm going to guess my beef is mosquitoes. I'm going to say my juice is camping, I don't know
SARAH: Okay, my beef is the spam call that came in when Kayla was doing her beef and…
KAYLA: Oh, good
SARAH: My juice is the concept of…
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. I couldn't tell if you were like, were gone
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Or what had happened
SARAH: I just couldn’t… I started talking and I had no plan on how to finish this.
KAYLA: Why? Why do you do this all the time?
SARAH: Usually, I can come up with something to finish the sentence but sometimes I can’t
KAYLA: My juice is the concept that for all like what six years that I've known you this has always been a problem
SARAH: It’s your juice?
KAYLA: Yes, because it's so funny and stupid
SARAH: Listen sometimes I just start a sentence without any plan on where it's going to go
KAYLA: You need to fair. It has… maybe I just like… it's because I don't talk to you as much since we don't live in the same room but I do feel like it has been getting better over the years
SARAH: That's exciting. Good for me
KAYLA: I’m proud of you.
SARAH: Congratulations to me. Yeah, we'll just leave it at that
KAYLA: Perfect
SARAH: You can tell us about your gender, your beef, your juice, you can not attack us on being too stuck to the binary this week because obviously it was a fucking joke.
KAYLA: We're very funny, have you heard that we're very funny?
SARAH: Did you know? we're so funny
KAYLA: We're very funny
SARAH: To any new listeners. I'm so sorry.
KAYLA: I like… maybe just like we should say new listeners, don't listen to this one
SARAH: Just skip it over
KAYLA: Just skip it, maybe come back like if you feel like you know us enough
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Listen in… but next week… Is it next week? We have a good one?
SARAH: Yeah, next week. We have a very good one.
KAYLA: Next week is our next guest. So... Well, listen, we have to have some bad ones in all…
SARAH: And you know what…
KAYLA: If we had too many good ones, it'd be like oh, my God
SARAH: Right. Like, who are they? No. I also… I would also like you to know that next week's episode actually does have to do with two of the genders that we mentioned..
KAYLA: Ooh, that's a good
SARAH: In this episode.
KAYLA: That’s very good
SARAH: But I won't tell you anything more
KAYLA: It was the bagpipe. We’re having a bagpipe on. A guest next week…
SARAH: We're interviewing a set of bagpipes
KAYLA: This is the podcast, everything is alive. Now we interview inanimate objects and it's a bagpipe
SARAH: Good. Okay. Well, we're @soundsfakepod on all social media if you want to see some shenanigans. Hi there, it's Sarah from the future here to give you your patrons. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod, you can support us there. We have a new $2 patron, which is Autumn Riley. Thank you, Autumn. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Astritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fierro, Dee, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, BookMarvel, Changeling MX, Derrick and Carissa, Simona Simon, Jamie jack, Jessica Shea, Rio Faustino, Daniel Walker, Barefoot Backpacker, Livy, Madeline Askew, Lily, James, Corinne, Aliceisinspace, Sky Simpson, Brooke Siegel, Ashley W, Savannah Cozart and Harry Hastendugan. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyuncleKevin @Tessa_m_k, Arcness who'd like to promote the Trevor project, Benjamin Ybarra who'd like to promote Tabletop games, anonymous who’d like to promote Halloween, Sarah McCoy who'd like to promote podcasts from a planet weird, my aunt Jennie who'd like to promote Christopher’s Haven, Cassandra would like to promote their modeling Instagram @liddowred, Doug rice who would like to promote Native by Caitlin Curtis and Maggie Capellbo who would like promote her dog's Instagram @MinnieMuffin19, H Valdez and purple chickadee who used to be a $5 patron but bumped up to $10. Thank you very much and they would like to promote initiative OEAU like water in French, it's a nonprofit organization Co-founded by two of their high school friends that are working to provide safe clean water and sanitation in several areas of Africa, which is great, we love that. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, Nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, my mom Julie who’d like to promote free mom hugs, Sarah Jones who is @eternallolli everywhere, Dea Chappelle who would like to promote the Underrealm series by Garrett Robinson, Andy A. who would to promote Being in Unions and the IWW, and Martin Chazelle who would like to promote mental health, specifically good mental health and mental health services I would guess. I'm really just extrapolating here, Martin and Dragonfly who this week is going to promote when it's not as hot out, when it's not as hot out, so, thanks. Thank you for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows and if you don't get that like I get it, you're only going to get that if you listen to like the first three episodes, so like it's fine, but you could ask someone on Twitter, they'll probably know
SARAH: But also, like don't listen to the first three episodes
KAYLA: They're not very good
SARAH: Anyway, this is the end of the pod now.
KAYLA: Okay. Bye.
SARAH: Bye
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]