Hey what's up hello! What do you do with your feelings when you get a crush? How do you deal with feeling like you're faking your sexuality? How do you know for sure if you're aromantic? How do you keep your cat from blocking your computer screen! Listen in as we give dubious life advice!
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/advice-for-asexuals
Thank you to Frita Batidos for sponsoring this episode. Check out their amazing Cuban inspired street food here: http://www.fritabatidos.com/
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
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Hey what's up hello! What do you do with your feelings when you get a crush? How do you deal with feeling like you're faking your sexuality? How do you know for sure if you're aromantic? How do you keep your cat from blocking your computer screen! Listen in as we give dubious life advice!
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/advice-for-asexuals
Thank you to Frita Batidos for sponsoring this episode. Check out their amazing Cuban inspired street food here: http://www.fritabatidos.com/
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
00:00
SARAH: Hey, what’s up hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake but Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl, I’m Sarah, that’s me.
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode: us giving you advice?
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
[intro music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: It's been so long!
SARAH: It's been a while.
KAYLA: A while.
SARAH: I mean, you heard us last week, but we haven't recorded in a while.
KAYLA: Oh. Did they?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yes. We haven't... (laughs) It's been... we just got back to school, so it's been a wild time.
SARAH: It has been a wild time. I have a note about a thing.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: You know how there's a hashtag that's like #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike, and Kayla was like, "Sarah, you should do this!"
KAYLA: I did tell you that.
SARAH: And I was like, "Ugh, okay."
KAYLA: And then you sent me an ugly selfie.
SARAH: And then I did it.
KAYLA: And then you actually did it.
SARAH: I did. Well, I finally looked through the tag, like, days later, and wow. It was great.
KAYLA: It is a good tag.
SARAH: Kayla, the diversity!
KAYLA: I know!
SARAH: The range of different styles and aesthetics. Like, I realize that I never get to see other aspec people. Like, I see them on the internet, but I don't see their faces very often. And so it's just like... I didn't realize how much I needed it. It made me feel like a human!
KAYLA: No, it was very interesting to, yeah, see how diverse it is, because I know what you look like and I know what a couple other ace people or a-spectrum people we know look like, but even to me I feel like there's this stereotype that all ace people are kinda, like, nerdy, and kinda... nnyeah. Like, people that would make that noise in their basement perhaps (Sarah laughs). Which is just, like, obviously not true. And I know that on a conscious level, but I think even unconsciously I probably still think that, because I'm a human. But yeah. So it was really nice to see. I liked it a lot.
SARAH: We're everywhere! We could be anyone!
KAYLA: Yeah, and just the sheer amount of people, too, that I saw.
SARAH: I saw people that looked like me! I saw people that looked nothing like me! Like, it was... surprisingly a very cool experience. Like, I just expected it to be like, "Oh, cool, look at these faces." But I actually was like, "Wow. This is actually, like, a lot for me as a person. Ace people, in real life?"
KAYLA: "Here they are!"
SARAH: "Here they are!"
KAYLA: Plus we got to see some of you.
SARAH: True! And I got an ego boost because people saw me (laughs).
KAYLA: You got a lotta likes on that, you really did.
SARAH: Whew. I wish I knew more ace people. (whispers) So I could see their beautiful faces.
KAYLA: That's also weird about this, is we don't see any of you. Even when you tweet us, it's not like we stare at your profile picture.
SARAH: And a lot of people who tweet at us don't have profile pictures of their own faces.
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: Or it's just like we see this one picture of you (laughs) and that's just it.
KAYLA: And that's it.
SARAH: That's what you look like!
KAYLA: That's what you look like to us, forever!
SARAH: Which is weird, now that I think about, like, other people seeing my profile picture and thinking... you know how sometimes if someone changes their profile picture and you've never met them in real life, and you're like, "Oh, wait. That's not what I thought you looked like." Like, based off of your previous photo, I thought you looked more like x.
KAYLA: We need to take a new podcast picture, because we don't look like our picture.
SARAH: I don't like my nose. (laughs)
KAYLA: We both look a lot different.
SARAH: We just look older.
KAYLA: We do look older. Anyway!
SARAH: Yes. I did not realize that I needed to look through that tag, but wow. That was a good experience.
KAYLA: So if you haven't looked through it, it's #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike on Twitter. I don't know if it hit Tumblr or anything else.
SARAH: You can find my face if you're ever like, "Hmm, I only see this one picture of Sarah—"
KAYLA: There are others.
SARAH: "—On our social media where she looks weirdly red..."
KAYLA: Well, you always look weirdly red.
SARAH: "...And her nose is dumb."
KAYLA: But anyway. (Sarah laughs)
SARAH: This episode.
KAYLA: So yeah. We asked you guys to send us some questions about anything.
SARAH: We've been wanting to do this episode for a while. But we needed to wait (laughing) until we had enough people listening.
KAYLA: Well, yeah. We needed to wait until we had enough people that would ask us questions, and for something else special that we wanted to pair with this episode, just because we wanted to make it an extra-special episode. So that is coming towards the middle.
SARAH: It may not be extra-special and exciting for you, but it is for us!
KAYLA: But to us it is a really big deal, and we hope it's a big deal somehow to you guys, too. But anyway, that's coming in the middle, so keep on listening.
SARAH: Lit! Kayla, what is our first question?
KAYLA: Alright. Do you want to hit, like, tweets and DMs first, or do you want to hit an email, because those will probably be longer.
SARAH: Genuinely have no preference, and I've only read a couple of them.
KAYLA: Okay. Let's go for an email first, because I think this might have come in first. I think this was the first one we got, anyway. I'm just gonna use first names. For Twitter, I'm assuming people are fine, because they tweeted.
05:00
SARAH: It's whatever name is on their tweet. I would say however they signed it is the name you should use.
KAYLA: That's fair. So this is from Kayleigh. She recently started listening.
SARAH: Woo! Welcome, Kayleigh. How does Kayleigh spell Kayleigh?
KAYLA: I'm sorry, but very incorrectly. K-A-Y-L-E-I-G-H.
SARAH: (exhales slowly) Kayleigh, reconsider!
KAYLA: Kayleigh, I'm sure you're a lovely person, but your parents sound very white! Anyway.
SARAH: Watch Kayleigh not be white at all.
KAYLA: That would be shocking. Anyway. So she says... I'm assuming, I'm sorry. They say—I don't know! I'm sorry! They say, "From my own personal experience, not a lot of kids know what asexuality or even 'labels' like pan or bi are. Most schools have a lot of LGBTQ+ students, and, being one of them, I want people to know what my sexuality is. What are some ways you think students could learn about the LGBTQ+ community? Thanks again for hosting such a great podcast."
SARAH: Wow, that's so nice. (Kayla snorts) I mean, the way I learned about it was the internet. But I recognize that, depending on what circles of the internet you operate in, it will depend on whether or not you get that information.
KAYLA: I think it also depends on what kind of school you're in, if it's going to be talked about, like if you have a Gay-Straight Alliance club at your school, if it's something that is willingly talked about.
SARAH: Just depending on how liberal of an area you live in. Like, if you go to a school in a really rural area, if you go to a religious school, it might be a little bit more difficult. I don't... what do you think?
KAYLA: My... I mean, I think the kind of advice I have—and this person sounds open to wanting to talk to people about it, so perhaps this is good advice for that kind of person who wants to be more open about it. But, like, if your school has a Gay-Straight Alliance, or I think they have a different name for it now.
SARAH: I think they kept the GSA but they changed what they stand for.
KAYLA: Gender and Sexuality Alliance? But if your school has one of those, like, asking if you could run one of the meetings, because I think that, you know, that's the way it runs.
SARAH: Or, like, asking if you can talk about...
KAYLA: Yeah. Asking if you can talk about asexuality, going to a local... If there's a local gay center in your area—I know some places have those—going to one of those, seeing what resources they have. Starting a club if your school doesn't have one, or even just in your county or area, so you can hit a wider area, like, starting that if you want to talk about it. Yeah, internet stuff is always good.
SARAH: I think those are all good ideas. Yeah, I think especially if your school has a GSA or if they don't, maybe start one. Because I think that is a really good way to get the word out about different sexualities in a way that still feels natural, not like you're being, like, "So hey! Have you heard of pansexuality?" (laughs)
KAYLA: GSA is the place for those conversations to be happening. And even starting small with your friends is not a bad way to go, either. I mean, we obviously would like everyone to know what asexuality is, but it's easier to set a goal small first and then go bigger than to set a big goal, not be able to meet it, and then get discouraged. Okay, so that was an email. Thank you for that question, Kayleigh.
SARAH: Thanks, Kayleigh!
KAYLA: Let's do a... what is this? This is a tweet.
SARAH: A tweet.
KAYLA: From Barfußevrovesija...
SARAH: Give it to me.
KAYLA: (laughs) I truly don't know.
SARAH: I'm better at reading these.
KAYLA: You are.
SARAH: Oh! Barfußevrovesija. " Barfuß" means barefoot in German.
KAYLA:
Oh fun. Well, hello, Barefoot! (Sarah laughs)
SARAH: I'm sorry that I probably still butchered your name anyway, even though I read the barfuß part.
KAYLA: So, Barfuß says, "I have a sibling..."
SARAH: I don't think that's their name. I think they're just barefoot often.
KAYLA: Person who is barefoot often says, (Sarah laughs) "I have a sibling that might be ace. Sibling has an ace flag lockscreen and really doesn't listen to music because too much is about relationships."
SARAH: Oof!
KAYLA: Tea. "I kinda want to ask, but at the same time I'm not out to anyone in the family. Do I ask or do I stay quiet?"
SARAH: I would say bring it up. Because the worst thing that happens is they're like, "No, I just like the color purple."
KAYLA: And then you can just drop it.
10:00
SARAH: And then you can drop it. But, like, even if you wanna ease in by being like, "Hey, your phone background! Where'd you get it from? What's it mean?" Like, that can be a way to ease yourself into that conversation. I think it's always going to be better—as we were talking about in our episode about holidays and being home with your family—I think this was a message we got after the fact, but it's always better to have another person be with you in this journey. And so if you can be that person for your sibling, or just prove that you're there for them, I think that is gonna make a world of difference.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't want to read a lot of this out loud because it was a DM to us that wasn't asking for advice or anything, but it's what you just referenced. Someone sent us a message after that family episode and they mentioned basically a situation where they decided to come out to someone else who they also found out was queer. And what struck me about the story they told is they mentioned something about them wanting to be that other person for someone else, and then that was the motivation for coming out. Which I think is not a reference that I've ever thought about coming out in, because I think coming out is extremely personal—and it should be, it is very you-centered—but being able to think about it in a context of "How can me coming out in any capacity benefit any other person in the world?" I think is a way that, for some people, may make coming out seem more daunting, but in some ways might encourage people or make people feel better about coming out because you never know who you coming out could benefit.
SARAH: Ultimately coming out should be about you and what you're ready for, but there are so many other effects that can be just positive effects from you coming out that you might not even know about beforehand. Like, that can be... you know, your coming out can really help other people. And that's not to say that you should come out now if you're not ready to do that.
KAYLA: Yeah, for other people. Like, don't do that. But it is an interesting way to look at it that I had never thought of before. But yeah. I agree, there's ways to go about this sibling thing without being very direct. I think there's a lot of indirect questions you can have.
SARAH: I would definitely be like, "Hey, your background?" And if they're not comfortable telling you, then don't push it. Maybe, you know, bring something up again later and kinda, like, give them the vibe that you are a trustworthy person to talk about here.
KAYLA: It's kind of like your mom, how she was talking in the episode about how she kind of primed your sister with little conversations here and there. Even just planting stuff like that, or planting yourself as someone that could be talked to about anything, I think, is a good start, and you can see where it goes from there.
SARAH: I would say, though, if it's someone who has the flag as their phone background, there's probably a decent chance that they're fairly open to having a conversation about it. But don't necessarily assume. But I would bring it up. I think that could be helpful.
KAYLA: I agree.
SARAH: But I don't know if you're older or younger than your sibling.
KAYLA: But especially if you're older.
SARAH: Especially if you're older.
KAYLA: I think it would be... And then, how great would it be if both you and your sibling can kinda go through that together.
SARAH: Oh, that'd be lit. (laughs)
KAYLA: Because then you know someone, and it'll be good. Thank you, Barefoot, for that question. I hope you find some shoes if you would like them. If you like being barefoot, then you're fine.
SARAH: Fuck shoes.
KAYLA: Oh. (Sarah laughs)
SARAH: I am always barefoot, so I feel you, my friend.
KAYLA: Okay. Anyway. This is a Tumblr DM.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: From BringingYourReyGame.
SARAH: Rey like...
KAYLA: Rey as in Rey from Star Wars.
SARAH: Ooh, I love it!
KAYLA: Very funny picture of the actress. "I'm 23 and asexual, and I'm currently experiencing my first crush ever. I have no idea what's going on. How..??? What? What do I do with these feelings? Thanks, guys <3"
SARAH: Big mood.
KAYLA: How's that a big mood?
SARAH: There have been times where I haven't been sure if I have a crush on someone or if I just, like, really want to be their friend.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And, like, sometimes we still don't know.
KAYLA: I think... like, yeah. That's fair. So yeah. What to do with those emotions.
SARAH: I panic. (laughs)
KAYLA: What should you do with those emotions?
SARAH: Not panic.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I don't know, Kayla! You're the one who understand crushes. What do you do?
KAYLA: Well, I think it's hard to say in the moment. I recently had my first crush on someone in a very long time because I've been dating online, and when you date online you kinda go out with someone and then you're like, "Okay, I like them enough to keep dating them." But I recently, like, actually really liked someone before going out with them recently, which was an experience I hadn't had in a very long time.
SARAH: I guess I never thought about how online dating changes that.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's very bizarre. It was a nice experience, having a crush again. I will say that. But it is weird because in the moment I thought I was acting a certain way, and then looking back it's kinda like, "Ooh, bitch."
15:00
SARAH: What do you mean by that?
KAYLA: Like, I, in my mind, was like... I didn't like him that much, (Sarah laughs) I was very breezy about it...
SARAH: You were not breezy!
KAYLA: In my mind, though.
SARAH: You were not breezy.
KAYLA: But in my mind at the time—now I know that I was not.
SARAH: It was not breezy.
KAYLA: It was not breezy. It was laid on thick. (Sarah laughs) In my mind, though, it was all fine and dandy and not a big deal. And then after it was like—
SARAH:
All you had to do was ask me about it! And I could've told you, "Kayla, it's not breezy!"
KAYLA: Well, I didn't want to know it wasn't breezy at the time, Sarah! Anyway. Well, so it's weird because you think you're acting a certain way, and then... ya not.
SARAH: I think you're just terrifying bringing your A game.
KAYLA: No, but I think it's interesting. Because it's not like the way I acted was bad. It ended up working out.
SARAH: Well, I think it... it seems to me it can be hard to be "objective." It's not like you're ever objective, in that sense. But, like, it's hard to look at things as they are.
KAYLA: Yeah. I would say... on what to do with your feelings... Umm...
SARAH: My instinct was to say, "Shove them down."
KAYLA: But it depends on what you wanna do, though. Because for me when I had those feelings, I decided to actively pursue it. But if you don't want to date or this isn't something you wanna pursue, then that's going to be a very different answer. First of all, don't panic.
SARAH: (sings) Don't panic.
KAYLA: Don't be Sarah.
SARAH: (sings) No, not yet. I'm the one you want to forget. (regular voice) Just singing some Fall Out Boy, it's fine.
KAYLA: Oh my god. And if this is something you actively want to pursue and are interested in, just be yourself and see where things happen. Don't try to force anything, but, like, (shaky voice) leave yourself open to the universe.
SARAH: Okay. (both laugh)
KAYLA: And if you don't want it to happen, I mean, feelings pass, and it will go away. It'll be fine.
SARAH: And that's the tea.
KAYLA: I don't know if that was a great answer.
SARAH: Better than what I could've given.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: (17:37)
Which was, "Repress and panic."
KAYLA: Yeah, don't do that. If I can tell you one thing, it's don't do that. Okay. We're gonna go back to the email.
SARAH: (French accent) Le email.
KAYLA: This is from Noelwiz. Oh, this is...
SARAH: He tweets us a lot.
KAYLA: He tweets us a lot. But this time, he emailed us.
SARAH: Woo!
KAYLA: He said, "I'm demi-alterous"
SARAH: Demi-alterous.
KAYLA: What's that?
SARAH: Uh, it's a word I'm familiar with but can't define off the top of my head.
KAYLA: Google it.
SARAH: Okay, so I just looked up "alterous" so that I could give you a proper definition. It's described as neither being entirely or completely platonic nor romantic, and is an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily platonic and/or romantic. Like, it's kinda like an in-between, sort of.
KAYLA: Yeah. "I think I'm demi-alterous after dating someone at the end of the summer, and since that relationship ended I've been hoping to feel attracted to someone again and am somewhat torn between trying to date and just trying to be happy single. Right now I'm getting by with cuddle buddies, which—while cuddles are amazing—but my problem I want advice about is this: I find myself feeling obligated to feel attracted to the other person if I try to date, which is just unrealistic of me, but hard not to. So how do you avoid feeling that? Related, how do you know who you might feel attracted to?"
SARAH: The last question is a question that I would love answered for me.
KAYLA: That's a hard one. I think it is very hard to not feel obligated to be attracted to someone, especially if you get along with them.
SARAH: Especially if you get along, especially if they're into you. Cuz I've been in that situation, where someone has liked me and I've just felt, like, guilty for not... even though I did like them a lot as a person, but that's... no.
KAYLA: Yeah, I... thinking back on past relationships, I feel like there's probably people I've dated that I got along with very well; they liked me, and so I... things happened for probably longer than they should have. So what I would say is... I mean, definitely don't force yourself cuz it's not healthy for you. You don't want to be doing something that you don't want to do just cuz you feel obligated. You shouldn't feel obligated to anyone to do anything.
20:00
SARAH: If you're going on a date with someone, you should be going on a date because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. And sometimes if you do generally like that person as a friend, it might be hard to tell that line, but that's just something... at least to me, I just gotta wade through it. You just gotta, like, figure it out—which I know is useless advice (laughs). But, like, there's not one answer to it. And with time it'll probably be easier for you to figure out. And with time it'll be something that you can look at in hindsight and be like, "Oh, yeah. Whatever. X-thing was what was happening." But while you're in it it isn't always as easy, like we were talking about before.
KAYLA: Yeah. And I think back to the first half of your question about feeling obligated. What I'm guessing—if you're anything like me—is you feel obligated because you want to make someone else happy, and you feel bad for not being attracted to someone. Which is understandable. It sucks having to tell someone "no" or rejecting someone who likes you. But it's gonna hurt them more in the end if you play being attracted to them and have to tell them later, "No." And if that gives you any motivation, I guess, to not feel obligated to—I mean, that obligated feeling is always going to be there. I don't think that there's any way that you can get rid of that—it's managing that.
SARAH: I think some people have it and some people don't, and it's just the way you are.
KAYLA: Like if you're the type of person who feels obligated to make someone happy, that's probably just something you're going to have to work through. But if it's any motivation to not give in to that, it's gonna end up hurting you and them.
SARAH: It's ultimately gonna be better for both of you if you don't chase that feeling of obligation.
KAYLA: Plus, I think you'll be a lot more likely to have time to figure out what being attracted to someone means and feels like for you if you're able to have a wider variety of relationships. If you stick yourself in one relationship that's not very good for you, then that makes you lose out on other opportunities to learn and to grow with other people.
SARAH: I'm gonna be honest, I wasn't listening to that last part because I was thinking about something else. It was related.
KAYLA: On brand.
SARAH: Yeah. I hope that was remotely helpful. Me @ all these things.
KAYLA: Hah. Truly.
SARAH: Hit me with the next one, Kayla.
KAYLA: Alright. This is some (pronounces with short "e") tweets.
SARAH: (copies pronunciation) Some tweets.
KAYLA: This is a couple questions from Arkness/Pip.
SARAH: Ooh!
KAYLA: Our friend on Twitter.
SARAH: Been around for so long.
KAYLA: They really have been, for a really long time. So there's a couple questions. "At what point do you decide that a relationship just isn't working, especially if it is not a trash fire?"
SARAH: Kayla... I think that this Q&A is really for you.
KAYLA: It's for me! (both laugh) Um... that's a really hard question, and something I've also dealt with. Wow. It's like I have so many life experiences even though I have truly done nothing with my life.
SARAH: You're like three years old (laughs).
KAYLA: I'm literally an infant who thinks she has relationship experience.
SARAH: You're a real adult.
KAYLA: I've dated, like, two people. I know, real adults are like, "Give me your advice" and I'm like, "I drove today." (Sarah laughs) That is hard to say, especially if it's not like some big explosive fight that breaks up a relationship, as is often shown in movies. Because that's not how most relationships end, at all. I feel like most of them kinda just, like...
SARAH: Not with a bang, but with a whimper?
KAYLA: Fizzle?
SARAH: Whimper.
KAYLA: (whispers) Fizzle. (Sarah laughs) I think... it's so hard to know... when you will know if you went on for too long is when you are out of the relationship. Then you will probably be able to objectively look back and say, "Ooh, yeah, I should've gotten out earlier."
SARAH: Also, if you're at a point where you keep being like, "I don't know how much longer I can do this," or if it's like, you know, if one more thing is gonna set you off but you've said that multiple times... I know someone who that's happening to them, where it's like, they keep being like, "One more time and then I'm gonna call it quits," but they've said that twenty times. And so if that is something that you're experiencing, you might need to, like, step back and be like, "How many times have I said this? What do they really need to do for me to want to break up with them? Or have they maybe already done enough for this not to work anymore?"
KAYLA: Yeah. I think trying to take a step back and look at things as a whole, because, yeah, if little things keep happening, in the moment it might not seem like a big deal—
SARAH: Like, if someone does something little and you're like, "Oh, that's not enough to break up with them over," but when they build up it might just be proof that this is just not gonna work in the long term.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's the culmination of a lot of little things, I think. And yeah, taking an objective step back and looking—and if you keep having to say things to force it to work, like, "Okay, we just need to work on this harder." And sometimes in the relationship you do need to work on things. Cuz relationships are work. They're not easy. But if you keep having to do things to make it work and you're not happy to do that work, like, in a relationship you should be more than willing to do work to make it work.
25:00
SARAH: But if you're not, it's not the relationship.
KAYLA: Yeah, if you're dreading it and it's obviously not worth it to you to be doing that, then it's not worth your time.
SARAH: Also, sometimes it can help—I say as if I know anything about this (Kayla laughs)—sometimes you do need that person on the outside to be like—
KAYLA: "It's time."
SARAH: "It's time." And the situation I was talking about where I know someone who, like, they keep being like, "Oh, the next time..." The person I heard that from is someone who is close to them. Not that person, but who's close to them. And they're like, they want it to end because they're like, "This is just not good for them." But the person isn't asking them for their opinion, so they don't feel like they can give it.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's hard because as a friend you want to give your opinion, but I think that can get very messy in relationships because you can be like, "Oh my god, you think this about my relationship, we're not friends anymore, I'm really mad at you, you're just jealous, whatever, blah blah blah." And so it's hard to give that advice to people. But if you want that advice from people, seek it. Like, that is probably... if you are having those thoughts, going to someone else and being like, "Hey, this is objectively what's been happening. What do you think about this? If you were in my shoes, with your emotions removed because you're not in this, what do you think you would do?"
SARAH: Someone who's gonna be honest with you, too, not just someone who's gonna gas up your relationship. Hey. Hey Kayla.
KAYLA: Mmhmm?
SARAH: What's the next question?
KAYLA: This is from the same person.
SARAH: Oh right, I forgot.
KAYLA: They had a few questions. "How do you know if you want something (a relationship) versus wanting to want it?"
SARAH: (heavy exhale)
KAYLA: (singing) That is a big 'ol question!
SARAH: If you figure it out, please tell me (both laugh).
KAYLA: Yeah. Uh...
SARAH: I feel like you're better equipped to answer this than I am, but that's a very difficult question.
KAYLA: It is a very...
SARAH: It's a good question.
KAYLA: It's a very good question. I... how do you know? I mean, a lot of soul-searching, I should imagine.
SARAH: Also, I think a thing that may or may not be helpful—cuz if you're like, "Here's this person who I, like, maybe have a crush on," imagine yourself actually dating that person. If it feels right, then maybe you actually have a crush on them. If you can't imagine it, maybe you want to have a crush on them. Like, you're trying to convince yourself that that's what... or maybe you just have a friend crush on them and you can't figure it out.
KAYLA: I think that's a good point, though. I was just in therapy and we were talking about visualization, which is a very powerful thing. It can... I guess there's a study that they had one group of people actually work out and do lifting, you know, with their arms—
SARAH: (laughing) "You know, with their arms."
KAYLA: Yeah. And then after a month they measured how much muscle growth they had. The other group of people just visualized that they were lifting weights. In the group that just visualized they were lifting weights, there was a noticeable muscle growth.
SARAH: What!
KAYLA: Because visualizing activates the same parts of your brain—that part of your brain is telling your muscle, "You're working."
SARAH: (whispers) I'm shook.
KAYLA: And so—it wasn't a lot of muscle gain, but it was a noticeable, measurable amount of muscle gain, just from visualizing that you were doing it.
SARAH: So I just need to visualize myself working out.
KAYLA: Constantly. (both laugh) And then maybe you'll get some difference. But, I mean, that study and many others have shown that visualization is really important. It can actually make you feel things physically. It lights up the same parts of your brain as if you were physically doing something.
SARAH: At gymnastics they used to have us visualize our routines before we did them.
KAYLA: Cuz it works your brain in the exact same way. So anyway. Visualization, I think, is a really good way to go about it because then your body will probably feel the same way as if you were actually doing it physically. Maybe also if it's with a certain person, too, try swapping them out for another person and see if you feel the same, and so maybe then you'll be able to tell, oh, if you feel the same, maybe you do just want a relationship. If it doesn't feel the same, then maybe it is about that specific person.
SARAH: I agree.
KAYLA: The last question is: "How to get my cat to not block my computer monitor."
SARAH: (laughs) I don't know. I don't have a cat.
KAYLA: I don't have a cat either, which is sad. I was looking at adoption for cats the other day.
SARAH: Me and Miranda were walking back from the gym and there was just a cat in the window.
KAYLA: (longingly) Oh.
SARAH: Oh, it was so great.
KAYLA: No, I was literally looking at cats up for adoption like two days ago.
SARAH: My sister keeps tagging me in dogs that are up for adoption, and they're all like pitbull mixes, and that is what I want. There was a pitbull retriever.
30:00
KAYLA: No! That's such a bizarre mix!
SARAH: But it was so cute, and it was around here, too. It wasn't like it was really far away.
KAYLA: No, I know. I was looking at Ann Arbor kittens and I was... anyway.
SARAH: This does not help your problem.
KAYLA: My advice is don't get it off your computer screen. Just treasure that you have a cat, even if it means it bothers you in front of your computer. That's my advice.
SARAH: Yeah, I don't know how to distract cats other than giving them catnip.
KAYLA: But that's, like, a drug.
SARAH: A drug? (laughs)
KAYLA: Yeah. I got nothin'.
SARAH: I also nothing.
KAYLA: Nice.
SARAH: Okay. Hey Kayla, what's the next question? Sorry that we weren't more helpful with that cat thing.
KAYLA: This is from our German friend Luca.
SARAH: Luca! I just get so excited because German! Also Luca. You're great.
KAYLA: Okay. They asked, "What changes can I make to my language to be more inclusive of aro/ace people? Any specific phrases to avoid or things similar to using gender neutral language (they/them)?"
SARAH: So this was one of the things that I actually did write some stuff about.
KAYLA: Here's what I will say before we really get into this question. We're doing an episode soon that I think is very related to this question.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay. Well, we'll say more about this at a later date. But we still can say stuff now. First of all, something that I do is if I'm saying "LGBTQIA+," I say all of those letters. Which is a lot of syllables and it's kind of annoying, but, like, for a while I was just saying "LGBTQA+," but then I was like, if I'm intentionally including the "A" for my own representation, like, why can't I do that for someone else? And so then I started saying the "I." If you listen to old episodes you'll notice when I started saying the "I." I also say "queer" a lot, but I also recognize that not everyone in that community is comfortable with the term "queer." So, like, I use it as a term, but I don't always assume that other people are chill with it. Also, just never assuming that people are interested in a relationship or interested in sex. Always giving, like... a lot of times people are like, "Oh, when you get married." Like, "If or when you get married"—like, simple stuff like that.
KAYLA: Very small stuff. Yeah.
SARAH: Especially with young people, whether they are aspec or not, is very helpful. Also—it's just good practice with people of any sexuality—is never assuming gender of any potential future partner, so, don't assume that they're going to have a potential future partner, and don't assume that person's gender. Just, like, basic stuff. Like normalizing this idea that you can do whatever the fuck you want.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah!
KAYLA: I have some thoughts on this, too, but I'm going to save mine. We're doing an episode soon on—I don't know if I want to call it microagressions—but micro... things like this that are small things that come up that kind of feel aphobic in a very small way. We're gonna do an episode on that soon.
SARAH: That's your little sneak peek, I guess!
KAYLA: Lil snack pack.
SARAH: Hey, Kayla. I have a question.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: If I wanted to get some delicious food in the Ann Arbor area, where could I go?
KAYLA: I was just thinking about this, actually, and there's this really good place called Frita Batidos.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: That you could go to.
SARAH: And, um, do we have a connection to Frita Batidos at all?
KAYLA: We do!
SARAH: Tell me more!
KAYLA: Now that you asked! (both laugh) I hate this.
SARAH: We love a segue.
KAYLA: This was my idea, too. Earlier I was like, "Sarah, I have the segue."
SARAH: She told me to say this.
KAYLA: I'm just being Julien Solomita, the king of segues.
SARAH: Guysss. We have a sponsor.
KAYLA: We have a sponsor! Our first ever sponsor! This has been in the works for months.
SARAH: Yeah, there were some setbacks.
KAYLA: You know, we're business women, and in business a lot of things happen. But we're very, very excited that we finally worked this out. So Frita Batidos is a restaurant in Ann Arbor, and they're our first sponsor. I'm going to tell you a little bit about them.
SARAH: Hit me with it.
KAYLA: "Frita Batidos is the juxtaposition of (misspeaks)..."
SARAH: Starting out great. I would like to say that "juxtaposition" is one of my favorite words in an essay format.
KAYLA: "...the juxtaposition of chef/owner Eve Aronoff's two greatest passions: the desire to create something truly special through the merging of the highest standards and attention to detail with the warmth and"—oh, they used big words—"convivality?"
SARAH: Conviviality?
KAYLA: "Conviviality of feeding the people you love. Eve dreamt of creating something truly special, grounded in her core beliefs, making food from scratch, following the seasons, and supporting local farmers, purveyors, and community."
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SARAH: We love that. Oh, we love supporting local farmers.
KAYLA: We do. "And bringing these elements together to create something with her unique fingerprint and uniquely its own in Frita Batidos."
SARAH: Fingerprints are all over it? Nope. They definitely wash their hands and use gloves. (both laugh)
KAYLA: "Frita Batidos is inspired by Cuban culture and a fantasy revolving around two staples in the world of Cuban street food."
SARAH: I really want to go to Cuba but I haven't yet, so, hey—
KAYLA: This is not in the copy!
SARAH: I'm pulling a John Lovett on this, okay? (Kayla laughs) I'm making things exciting.
KAYLA: Starting off our first sponsorship strong. "The frita, a burger traditionally made with spicy chorizo served with shoestring fries on top—"
SARAH: The fries are good.
KAYLA: "—in a soft egg bun, and batidos, tropical milkshakes made with tropical fruit, crushed ice, and sweetened milk, with or without rum."
SARAH: They also have churros!
KAYLA: They do have churros.
SARAH: (softly) They're so good.
KAYLA: You get churros on your birthday if you go there.
SARAH: (softly) Oh my god.
KAYLA: "Like burgers and shakes, fritas and batidos are a natural pairing, and the whimsical menu is the result of dreaming about these two dishes for years. Frita Batidos is chef-driven, following the tenets of the slow food movement, with almost everything being made in our kitchen from scratch and inspired by the time Eve spent visiting Miami throughout her childhood."
SARAH: We love that.
KAYLA: We do. I will say that Frita Batidos is legitimately one of my favorite restaurants in Ann Arbor. I go there all the time. Me and my boyfriend have been having as many burgers in Ann Arbor as possible because we've decided that that is what we're going to do with our relationship, is rate burgers. We've started writing down our ratings for burgers yesterday. Frita Batidos is currently at the top of my burger rating.
SARAH: That's exciting.
KAYLA: And that is not because they sponsored us. They gave me free fries once.
SARAH: That is exciting. And delicious. So if you're in the area, hit 'em up! Woo! We got a sponsor. (Makes hitting noise) That was a high five.
KAYLA: Alright!
SARAH: Yay! Kayla?
KAYLA: Yes?
SARAH: Do we have another question from a listener?
KAYLA: We do! It's from our favorite—Piano Fiano!
SARAH: Piano Fiano.
KAYLA: Who sent us this very formal email.
SARAH: It was so formal.
KAYLA: Which I will read to you in full. "Hello esteemed hosts of Sounds Fake, But Okay." He even put in the comma, which I don't think exists, technically, in our title.
SARAH: It doesn't, but it would be grammatical.
KAYLA: Anyway. "As you have recently mentioned in your social media campaign, you are seeking questions to answer for your so-called 'advice episode.' I believe I may be able to provide you with some queries of my own—"
SARAH: Queer-ies?
KAYLA: "—For you to decipher. As my younger siblings all begin to date and have crushes on people and such, I'm reminded that I never really had anything like that when I was in high school, as is typical in American culture. This has confused some people when they ask, 'Who was your first crush?' and 'Who did you really like in high school?' I simply reply, 'No one, really.' No one is ever happy with that answer. I never really noticed it until now. Crushes just weren't something I thought about even a little unless pressured by family to talk about it, which was also not fun."
SARAH: That's a big mood.
KAYLA: "I'm beginning to experience some of those feelings now and I'm very aware of my lack of experience in this area as opposed to what is supposedly 'normal.' Have you had similar experiences with people's expectations? How have you dealt with it? Did you ever feel self-conscious about not having romantic or sexual attraction in high school? Please feel free to address my concerns or not, it's truly up to you. I wish you the best of luck and I thank you for reading this correspondence. Yours truly, Piano Fiano."
SARAH: What a formal—he sent me a Snap earlier today.
KAYLA: Was it i-ception?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. (both laugh)
SARAH: Very different in formality.
KAYLA: It was.
SARAH: The whole crush thing—can relate, because I just never had, like, real crushes in high school because I... didn't. But Peter Pan? in the 2003 Peter Pan movie? But it—see, don't know still if it was a real crush or not. Probably not.
KAYLA: Here's—yeah. I actually relate to this a lot, too, because I think most kids start having—"most kids," whatever—start having crushes when they're really young.
SARAH: Yeah!
KAYLA: I had my first crush in fifth grade, which I think is late.
SARAH: (talks with mouth full) The first time—sorry, I'm eating goldfish.
KAYLA: She's eating goldfish.
SARAH: I've been very discreet about it, previously.
KAYLA: Probably not, though.
SARAH: Whoops. The first time I had anything near a crush I was in elementary school, but then it was nothing until I was an adult.
KAYLA: What's weird too is crushes came up—I remember, Jake Cunningham, who I remember later became the most beautiful man, who now plays football for Slippery Rock (Sarah gasps). I missed my chance.
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: He liked me in third grade and his friend Luke Maggert told me this on the bus because I made him.
SARAH: Should we be using last names?
KAYLA: No one is—no one is listening.
SARAH: Hey, the kid who had a crush on me in fifth grade went on to play semi-professional hockey.
KAYLA: Yeah, but at Slippery Rock, Sarah?
SARAH: Now he's in the airforce.
KAYLA: We really missed our chances. Anyway, he liked me in third grade—because I made his friend tell me that he did.
40:00
SARAH: Third grade.
KAYLA: And then I went up to him one day and I was like, (smug voice) "I heard you liked me."
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: But, like, I was also a bitch as a kid. But never in my mind did it cross my mind to be like, "Do I also like him?" Literally never crossed my mind.
SARAH: Well, like my situation, I found out he liked me so I was like, "Oh, I should like him." Like, that's just what I—
KAYLA: Well I didn't even have that.
SARAH: Mmm. Yeah.
KAYLA: And then I had my first actual crush in fifth grade. I don't think I've ever had a celebrity crush in my life.
SARAH: I have celebrity obsessions.
KAYLA: I—same. But when people are like, "Oh, who was your first celebrity crush as a kid?" No one. I did not know that that was a thing when I was a child. People liked Jesse from Full House. I watched Full House all the time.
SARAH: Yeah. Same.
KAYLA: I did not have a crush on him.
SARAH: I loved Full House. I never had a crush on him.
KAYLA: Yeah. And this was part of when I was coming to terms with "am I demi?", this was something I thought about, too, was like, I don't have crushes.
SARAH: It was like when my mom was on the pod and she was like, "Yeah, you never said anything in high school about having crushes." And I was like—
KAYLA: Yes, you didn't.
SARAH: "—I guess you're right." Like, it just didn't occur to me that other people would—
KAYLA: Notice that?
SARAH: Notice? Yeah. For me, I was very lucky that in high school none of... not very many of my friends dated. And so it wasn't a big deal to not be talking about that kind of stuff. But it is an interesting situation that Peri's in, where you have younger siblings where that's their experience, and you're like, "What is going on?" They may be looking to you as an expert, but if you're not an expert—
KAYLA: Sucks for them.
SARAH: —then just be like, "Bitch, I don't know." But I can see where that feels weird. I kinda forgot the question.
KAYLA: The question is just basically like, now he's coming in to having those feelings and so how do you deal with other people's expectations of what you should be feeling and doing? Have you dealt with it? What was your high school experience, basically. I would also say that, well, Peri says he's coming into his own with now starting to feel more of these feelings. I would just remind you, Perald, that—it's weird, because I know him, so it's weird to be doing this via podcast—but you've said you didn't have this experience, most of your friends didn't date in high school. I know a lot of people who are just now starting to date, so it's important to remember that—
SARAH: It's way more normal than you think it is.
KAYLA: You may think most people start dating early, but that's not the case. And if you want to talk to someone about it, you just have to find people who are similar to that.
SARAH: I know several people who did not have their first relationship, their first kiss, whatever, until they were well into college.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think... I don't know. I feel like... I mean, we attract people who are similar to us, I suppose, but I think the majority of my really close friends, that has been their experience. I mean, if I think about my close friends.
SARAH: I keep forgetting what the question was.
KAYLA: I think we did it.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: If not, Peri, you can text me. I don't know. Alright!
SARAH: What's next?
KAYLA: Um, this was an Anon on the Tumble.
SARAH: Tumble machine.
KAYLA: "So, random question, but I'm just curious. I started wearing a gold ring with a black gem on the middle finger because I'm demisexual and demiromantic and idk, I'm all paranoid about it. Like, is it alright since demi is aspec, or does it not matter because it's mostly gold in color, but the only thing you can really see for the most part is the gem? Help."
SARAH: I think you are 100% fine.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: I think the whole ring thing... for those of you who don't know, a lot of people—not a lot, but a number of people—who are aspec wear a black ring on their middle finger to be like, "Hey, this is me." I think if you fall anywhere under the spectrum, you have every right to do that. Also, I mean, anyone can wear a black ring on their finger. It doesn't have to be anything.
KAYLA: Yeah, even if you don't know asexuality exists, you can wear a black ring on your middle finger.
SARAH: But I would not feel bad about that at all. I would say you're totally in the green.
KAYLA:
Or the black.
SARAH: Or in the black! Yeah no, I think you're... anyone who identifies is welcome to do that.
KAYLA: And I can see why that's a question, though. Because I know I'm demisexual and I still struggle with where I am in the ace community. I still don't feel like I truly belong in the asexual community most times because I am straight and I do date and all of that. So I'm assuming maybe that's where this is coming from, is they're struggling with their place. And that is something I totally get, so I understand that feeling. But you do have every right.
SARAH: But as an aroace person, I am not bothered or uncomfortable by that at all.
KAYLA: Yeah. And anyone that is should maybe know where they're gatekeeping a bit.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But yeah. I think that's totally fine. And I think it's cute that they have a... like, it's gold and then black. It's cute.
45:00
SARAH: I like it.
KAYLA: Um, this is something that we did a whole episode on once, but aspecintheocean asked, "How do you convince yourself that you are not faking your asexuality/aromanticism?"
SARAH: Yeah. That's a hard one, can confirm—I've done it.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Well here's the... maybe this is a bad answer, but, like, if you weren't aspec, do you think your life would be easier?
KAYLA: How is that... I'm confused.
SARAH: Here's what I'm getting at: if you're identifying as aspec, you're identifying as a member of a marginalized community, right? And so you're not... it's not like pretending to be aspec would necessarily be like, "Oh, my life is so much better because everyone thinks I'm aspec." Like, it wouldn't necessarily improve your life. And that's not to say that being aspec makes your life worse, because I don't think it does, but I think there are certain things that come along with it. And so I think in very few cases would anyone be identifying with someone if they didn't genuinely identify with something, if they didn't genuinely feel some sort of connection to it. Because it's not like it's easier to be gay or ace or whatever in this world than it is to be straight.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think that's true. And also what you said about, like... even if you aren't, maybe you are saying you're ace but really you're gray-ace, or you're somewhere lesser on the spectrum.
SARAH: (whispers) There's no such thing as "lesser."
KAYLA: But... closer to allo—
SARAH: Closer to allo.
KAYLA: —or straight than ace on the spectrum. I mean, you're drawn to it for some reason. For some reason you find this topic interesting, you feel related to this. So even, maybe, if part of your identity isn't, I don't know, fully, truly... if you are faking something, I don't know, like, you are drawn to this, you're listening to this for some reason.
SARAH: For a reason, yeah. Trust your instincts. Trust your gut. Like, your gut is usually... even if it's not 100% right, it's sending you in the right direction, so trust it.
KAYLA: And we did a full episode on this once, so I'm sure we said more eloquent things then. Alright. I think this is the last one. Maybe?
SARAH: Hit me with it.
KAYLA: And I'll go back and look and make sure. TheAceInMe says: "While figuring out I was ace, all I had to do was talk to allosexual people and understand what they feel. However, it is much harder to figure out if I am aro or stick with that label. Are there any specific questions we can ask ourselves or others to figure that out?"
SARAH: That is a big mood. I think the first half of this was questions for you, and the second half of it was questions for me.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think that's true. You can answer, and I'll make sure I got everything.
SARAH: I would say, try to talk to aspec folks online as much as possible. Obviously, you've found this community, so you—this is a community. Wow.
KAYLA:
What?
SARAH: The pod. We have a lil community.
KAYLA: I know. I wish they would talk more. (Sarah laughs) We said—no, I mean, you guys can talk as much as you want. But I did once say on the podcast that my dream is for people in the comments to meet and become a QPR.
SARAH: But anyway. Obviously... no, if you listen to this pod, you have access to people who are—
KAYLA: Should we make a Discord?
SARAH: (gasps in excitement) Oh my god.
KAYLA: Would you guys use it?
SARAH: I don't like—
KAYLA: I'm not talking to you.
SARAH: I don't know if they—okay. Obviously you already contacted us, so you're on a roll, my friend. But in terms of figuring out my aromantic identity—cuz I was in the same boat where I knew I was ace but aro was harder to pin down—and for me it was really helpful just to, like, go through my history with attraction, like, beginning to end. I remember I just did it in the shower once. I was like, "Hmm. I'm taking a shower. I have this amount of time to just think about things. I'm just going to go through my entire history of attraction." And it was actually very helpful to think about it all at once and look back on it and be like, "Okay, why did I feel this way? What do I know now about the asexual spectrum that can better inform me on what certain choices or certain feelings meant, looking back?" And you may be able to find some answers there, and you may not be able to. But either way, it's good to understand yourself better, so, you know. And for me, trying on labels even if I wasn't sure of them, 100% helped. That may or may not work for other people. But there's no guarantee that everything's gonna be clear to you at any given time. And that's okay. Subtweet @ myself.
50:00
KAYLA: I wonder, too—cuz they mentioned, like, they talk to allo people and that helped them realize they were ace—I wonder if asking whatever the allo version of not-aro is, I don't know, people that do have romantic attraction—
SARAH: Alloromantic.
KAYLA: Yes, that. I wonder if having a conversation with people where you ask them, "Describe a time when you had a crush on someone and describe a time when you had a squish on someone, and differentiate them for me." And see how that person says they're different, and then see if that's something that resonates with you or not.
SARAH: Yeah. I don't know. Go through your own personal timeline (laughs). That's my advice.
KAYLA: We have one last question.
SARAH: Mmkay. Hit me with it.
KAYLA: SirDirtyUncleKevin, our good friend.
SARAH: SirDirtyUncleKevin!
KAYLA: Who also—while we were answering some question I started laughing because—
SARAH: Yeah, I was wondering what you were laughing at.
KAYLA: I tweeted a picture of you looking stupid, saying we were getting ready to give people advice.
SARAH: You tweeted that?!
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: What did it even look like?
KAYLA: Funny.
SARAH: Oh, my god.
KAYLA: And he sent a picture back of him, saying that he's ready to receive our advice. And I just love Kevin so much. What a dream. Hold on, I'll show you. (shows Sarah the picture) It's—it just looks like you. That's what you always look like.
SARAH: Oh, okay. That is what I look like.
KAYLA: You can see that on our Twitter. He asks, "What's the beef with sandwiches?" Now, there are two things I think he could be referencing. Truly I'm not sure. It's either my beef with how you eat sandwiches, or it is my beef with open-faced sandwiches. However—
SARAH: Or it is why I don't eat sandwiches.
KAYLA: Or why you don't eat sandwiches. But what I will say about this question is I don't want to answer it at all, because we're doing a hot takes episode soon.
SARAH: Yeah we are.
KAYLA: And I have a lot of strong words to say about my thoughts on open-faced sandwiches.
SARAH: I had a tweet that I wanted to tweet the other day but it was a hot take, and so I'm going to wait to tweet it until after I've said it in the hot takes episode.
KAYLA: Like, in the middle of the night the other night, I thought of one of my hot takes. Like, my personal hottest take, I think, and I forgot it in the night. It just came to me.
SARAH: Wow. That's exciting.
KAYLA: So, get ready. That's coming soon, also.
SARAH: But yeah. If your question was about why Kayla hates how I eat sandwiches, it's just that I don't eat them like a sandwich.
KAYLA: Sarah—we talked about this in Erin's episode, I know, at length, your food habits. But Sarah doesn't eat any foods together except cottage cheese—
SARAH: Cottage cheese? That is nasty! Who eats cottage cheese?
KAYLA: What is it? What do you eat with cucumbers?
SARAH: I'm not gonna tell you.
KAYLA: No, no, no.
SARAH: I'm not going to tell you. You're just going to make fun of me.
KAYLA: No. It's something liquidy, right?
SARAH: I'm not gonna tell you.
KAYLA: It is cottage cheese!
SARAH: It—no! I've never eaten cottage cheese in my life.
KAYLA: We're just gonna sit here until everyone knows.
SARAH: Nope.
KAYLA: Yup.
SARAH: Basically I just don't eat sandwiches. I just take—
KAYLA: Applesauce! She eats applesauce and cucumbers together.
SARAH: You know there's another thing that I also eat with applesauce?
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like you've told me before but I don't remember. But she normally does not eat any foods together and eats foods very particularly, and so she eats sandwiches layer by layer, and that's my beef with that.
SARAH: And Kayla doesn't like it.
KAYLA: (It's not that I don't like it, it's just that you're like a wild person.
SARAH: I know what I am. Alright. Was that all the questions?
KAYLA: Yeah!
SARAH: Wow!
KAYLA: I thought we weren't going to get through them all.
SARAH: We did it. What's our poll?
KAYLA: Ugh, I don't know. You gon' get some Frita Batidos or what?
SARAH: But so many of our listeners...
KAYLA: Do you want to get some Frita Batidos or what?
SARAH: True.
KAYLA: Their fries are also really good. I think their fries...
SARAH: See, I don't like burgers, but their fries...
KAYLA: Their fries are also towards the top of—cuz we're doing... me and my boyfriend are rating burgers and fries because they come together—and their fries are towards the top of our rating scale.
SARAH: Awesome. That's not our poll. What's our poll? Our poll is...
KAYLA: That will be our secondary poll.
SARAH: It'll be our secondary poll. Our primary poll will be, "What's up buttercup?" (laughs)
KAYLA: Really? That's our first-ary poll? That can be our tertiary poll.
SARAH: (laughing) That can be our tertiary poll! Open-answer. (both laugh)
KAYLA: Hold on, I should be writing these down.
SARAH: Our primary poll is going to be, "Have you looked through the hashtag #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike? If no, please do it!" Yeah, I don't know. Whatever. The polls are gonna be whatever they are. I'm leaving it up to you, Kayla.
KAYLA: What did we even talk about today? We talked about so many different things.
SARAH: Yeah, that's the problem.
KAYLA: Even if we don't make this a poll, I would like to know if you guys liked this. And if you wanted us to keep doing this.
SARAH: I wanted to ask that, too, but I didn't feel like it should be the primary poll.
KAYLA: It can be our... what's the tertiary version of four? Fourth-iary?
SARAH: Uh... quad...
KAYLA: Quad-ary.
SARAH: I don't know. There's just gonna be some polls. Go find them. It'll be a surprise. Okay.
KAYLA: Yikes.
55:00
SARAH: You can find those multiple polls on our Twitter, @soundsfakepod. You can also email us, soundsfakepod@gmail.com, or find us on Tumblr, soundsfakepod.tumblr.com. We also have a Patreon if you wanna give us your money, like Frita Batidos did. They're not a patron, though. (laughs) If you wanna be a patron and give us your money, you can find us on patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our $2 patrons are Sara Jones, Keith McBlaine, and our friend Roxanne. And our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota...
KAYLA: (vocalizing)
SARAH: Stop that. Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, and Piano Fiano. Thanks for listening.
KAYLA: And huge thank you again to Frita Batidos for being our first sponsor ever.
SARAH: Retweet.
KAYLA: It's super exciting.
SARAH: Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows, even if they are in Frita Batidos burger form.
BOTH: Oh no.