Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 13: Periods
Hey what's up hello! Today Kayla and Sarah talk about all things periods and uteri - why they suck, and why they're important to talk about.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/periods
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(0:00)
SARAH: Hey what's up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah. That's me.)
KAYLA: ...and a straight girl (that's me, Kayla).
SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, periods.
ALL: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Alright. If you're a human listening to this podcast who does not get periods...
KAYLA: Congrats.
SARAH: ...and are about to turn it off...
KAYLA: Don't!
SARAH: ...don't.
KAYLA: You need to be educated.
SARAH: This is true.
KAYLA: There are gonna people in your life that have periods. You have a mother and a sister and other people.
SARAH: Unless you don't.
KAYLA: Unless you don't. There's no way you're going to go throughout your life without meeting someone that has periods.
SARAH: That's true.
KAYLA: Like I just don't... unless you live on an island with only people that are anatomically men. No.
SARAH: Yeah. So basically, you should keep listening even though it's kind of gross because listen, it's gross for us too. Deal with it.
KAYLA: And you know what? We've done worse on this podcast so stick with it.
SARAH: We have. Alright, Kayla. Periods.
KAYLA: How'd this come about, Sarah? Why'd we talk about this?
SARAH: I don't know. Why did we talk about this?
KAYLA: Because someone doesn't want their uterus (laughs).
SARAH: Oh yeah, I don't want my uterus.
KAYLA: (Laughs) Get it out of here!
SARAH: Listen, here's the thing.
KAYLA: Here it is.
SARAH: I don't want it.
KAYLA: Why not, Sarah?
SARAH: I don't need it!
KAYLA: Why not, Sarah?
SARAH: Because I don't want kids.
KAYLA: Mhm. Sweaty.
SARAH: Don't wanna do the do.
KAYLA: No, you sure don't.
SARAH: Periods are very inconvenient.
KAYLA: They very much so are.
SARAH: They're horrrrrible.
KAYLA: What was that?
SARAH: (Excentuating the phlegm on the "H") They're hhhhorrible.
KAYLA: You just spit on my bed.
SARAH: I did not spit on your bed.
KAYLA: Sarah, I just saw a fleck of spit (laughter). Don't at me.
SARAH: But yeah, it just seems like a thing that I don't want or need. I read an article about this one time, about people who just don't want to get their periods, and a lot of times with people who travel a lot...
KAYLA: That makes sense.
SARAH: ...cause that messes up your whole system. And I was reading about different ways to you can do it and some people think that... okay, some people claim that if you take birth control but never do the week off and you just keep taking the stuff that stops it, some people say that that's safe, others say that that's not safe.
KAYLA: I cannot imagine that that's safe.
SARAH: Yeah. It depends who you ask (chuckle).
KAYLA: Yeahhh.
SARAH: But then I was... I can't remember, I don't know where the article was it was months ago that I was reading it so I probably couldn't find it again but it was just interesting. Because it's not like I'm the only person who doesn't want mine.
KAYLA: No, I'm sure most people don't want a period (laughs).
SARAH: My uterus in general.
KAYLA: Or your uterus. Oh yeah, I'm sure you're not the only one. There's probably some support groups online.
SARAH: Like I have no need for it! And it's an extreme inconvenience. Like it really affects your life.
KAYLA: Have you ever thought about going on birth control just to regulate your period?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Why not?
SARAH: Cause there are other side effects of birth control.
KAYLA: Possibly. I personally went on birth control for a couple weeks last year and it affected my mental health really bad and like...
SARAH: That wasn't fun.
KAYLA: No. It counteracted... it made my antidepressant and antianxiety medicine not work so basically I was really anxious for what was it? Like two or three months?
SARAH: You were just like... it wasn't that long.
KAYLA: It felt like forever.
SARAH: But you were puking for awhile.
KAYLA: I was puking at least daily for at least a month. Like I had to go to the hospital at one point. So it's possible that you have an adverse reaction to it. Some people it's totally fine, some people like me it did not work out.
SARAH: It also could probably help with my stupid face that never does what I want.
KAYLA: Yeah, your acne. It would clear up your acne.
SARAH: Maybe I... I don't know.
KAYLA: You should think about it.
SARAH: Yeah. It just like... I don't... it's annoying.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I don't have any need for it so why?
KAYLA: Why have it?
SARAH: Why?
KAYLA: But it's kind of like how we don't need our appendix anymore but no one goes out and gets it removed unless it starts to explode. Though your uterus does sometimes explode, just with blood. So maybe you should get that checked out.
SARAH: Ohhhhh.
KAYLA: Ohhhh.
SARAH: No but do you ever just think about like, imagine what it would be like if you were a guy or just a person who doesn't have a uterus. You can go swimming whenever you want.
KAYLA: You can go swimming on your period, Sarah.
SARAH: You can. No, but I'm just saying you don't have to be worried about anything.
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: Ever.
KAYLA: Well I mean, I'm sure they worry about if there is a boner.
SARAH: (Sarcastically) Okay wow, that must suck so bad.
KAYLA: I'm not saying it's equitable, Sarah! (Laughter) I'm just saying there are worries. Okay, don't.
SARAH: I'm just saying that there are a lot of things you have to be thinking about when you have your period that you just don't have to.
KAYLA: Yup.
(5:00)
SARAH: Quidditch. Our uniforms are all white.
KAYLA: When I danced throughout my entire life, in high school if I had my period during our recital like what do you do?
SARAH: You know what I always think? The girls that are in Hamilton.
KAYLA: Oh my god, their costumes are all white.
SARAH: I know. And they're tight.
KAYLA: They're tight.
SARAH: And it's like what do you do?
KAYLA: How many tampons did you have to shove up there? What if it's a really heavy day? Especially for me, I - after birth control did not work out - got an IUD instead and there's some IUDs that make your period not as bad. There is one IUD that makes your period worse, and I got that one because it doesn't have any hormones in it and I was afraid after the birth control thing that my body just did not want any extra hormones. So I got the one that doesn't, which is nice, it's gonna last me for like 10 years and it's perfectly fine... I haven't checked it in awhile, I should get one that. It's fine. But it makes my period worse and the lady, the gynecologist? Yes. Was like if you already have really bad cramps we're not going to give this to you because it'll be bad. My periods used to be super mild like not that many cramps, some heavy bleeding but not that bad. Now my periods are just the worst.
SARAH: That seems horrible.
KAYLA: It is but you know, gotta protecc yourself.
SARAH: Protecc.
KAYLA: And attack.
SARAH: You know what really pisses me off?
KAYLA; What really pisses you off?
SARAH: When people are like "Oh my god my period was a whole four days."
KAYLA: My period is like at least seven!
SARAH: Mine is usually nine.
KAYLA: Yeah, my period does a really cute thing where after like five days it'll actually like.. it completely stops and I'll be like "lit." And every time it fools me, it's been going on for years, every time it gets me.
SARAH: You're stupid (laughs).
KAYLA: And then a day later it comes back full force. Like it gets me every time! And by day eight you give up and you're like well if these underwear are gonna get ruined they're gonna get ruined. They're all ruined... I have like no underwear that aren't ruined.
SARAH: Truly.
KAYLA: That is a fact.
SARAH: True.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: Listen, for those of you who don't have periods...
KAYLA: You're welcome.
SARAH: ...you're missing... you're not missing out.
KAYLA: You're not missing out on anything.
SARAH: You have it better.
KAYLA: You know what was funny? The other day two of our roommates were on their period and they share a bathroom and so no guests were allowed in that bathroom for that week because they were like "No, it's too much." (Laughter) Cause it's like a small bathroom and they were both on their period so they were like "No one's coming in here." (Laughs)
SARAH: You know what else is really stupid?
KAYLA: Everything.
SARAH: Is people get all weird about tampons and pads and menstrual cups and which one you... like people get all weird about which one you use.
KAYLA: How people are like "Oh my god you use a pad?!" And it's like listen, they're all gross.
SARAH: They're all gross.
KAYLA: They're all nasty. Just don't.
SARAH: Listen, I do not like putting anything in my vagina (laughs).
KAYLA: Fitting.
ALL: It makes sense.
SARAH: It makes so much sense.
KAYLA: On brand.
SARAH: On (claps) brand (claps).
KAYLA: I only put tampons that I'm romantically interested in in my vagina (laughter). They have to take me out to dinner first, I need to gain that trust! (Laughter) Then they can... I have long talks with my boxes of tampons.
SARAH: Oh disclaimer, that's not how it works.
KAYLA: No it's not! (laughter)
SARAH: In. Credible.
KAYLA: Yikes.
SARAH: You know what I've always wondered?
KAYLA: What is it?
SARAH: You know like The Hunger Games?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Kayla.
KAYLA: (coyly) Nooo.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Never watched a movie in my life.
SARAH: But also just you see these movies and you read books and it's like oh this great adventure, but it's like it's going on for a long time?
KAYLA: Where are your pads?
SARAH: Someone's gotta get period.
KAYLA: Where are you keeping your pads.
SARAH: That would be such a disadvantage in The Hunger Games. If you're bleeding...
KAYLA: Plus you can smell blood.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Periods are smelly, you guys. They're really nasty.
SARAH: They're stupid. No, but that be just such a disadvantage.
KAYLA: Yeah, because it makes you... it depletes your energy, you're bleedin'.
SARAH: Which what if you just left a trail. People would be able to find ya.
KAYLA: I mean like it had to happen. If you just leaked.
SARAH: Yeah, it happens.
KAYLA: Yeah. How do you think they handle periods at Hogwarts?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Do you think they have potions for that?
SARAH: I'm sure a lot of people get their first periods while they're at Hogwarts.
KAYLA: Oh they'd have to.
SARAH: I'm sure most people do.
KAYLA: Most people would unless you're early. What are they like 12?
SARAH: Or unless you get it over the summer.
KAYLA: Yeah. Where did you get your first period, Sarah?
SARAH: I was 12.
KAYLA: Were you? Gimmie that story.
SARAH: Fun story. I always win with worst first period stories.
KAYLA: I feel like you've told me this before but I don't remember so we'll all be surprised together.
SARAH: Yeah so okay, picture this.
KAYLA: Picturing it.
SARAH: I'm 12.
KAYLA: She's 12.
SARAH: I'm in seventh grade. I did gymnastics so I did not have any sort of boobage at this point in time. Like it's not like...
KAYLA: No she was a not pubescent lady.
SARAH: Yeah. So it's not something you necessarily expect at that point in your life. So cool, so this is...
KAYLA: So great.
SARAH: So it's Easter, right?
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: The next day you have a pool party.
KAYLA: Sarah, oh no.
SARAH: The coming Friday, you have a gymnastics meet.
KAYLA: I sure do.
SARAH: But that's not the worst part, Kayla.
KAYLA: No it's not. What is it?
(10:00)
SARAH: You know what the worst part is?
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Your mom and your sister, the only other two menstruating humans in your house, are in Germany (laughs).
KAYLA: Oh noooo!
SARAH: And they will be for the next week and a half. And you're just tiny and afraid.
KAYLA: The Sarah Costello story.
SARAH: And I like... this was back in the day when my mom had a Blackberry and I had a palm keyboard phone.
KAYLA: A PalmPilot.
SARAH: And so the best way to contact her was to email her.
KAYLA: (laughs) What was the header to that email, Sarah?
SARAH: Listen, I don't remember. I was so stressed out and then...
KAYLA: I'm sure it was good.
SARAH: ...and then it was midnight her time but she called me and I was sobbing.
KAYLA: Awwww Sarah!
SARAH: I was so upset.
KAYLA: Were you just like sitting on the toilet?
SARAH: No, I was... Okay, I like...
KAYLA: What'd you do with your blood?
SARAH: I like did not tell her until way later than I should have because I was just very afraid.
KAYLA: So what'd you do?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Did you like have a pad?
SARAH: I did some of that toilet paper fun.
KAYLA: Oh yeah, same. Me always.
SARAH: But I was literally just crying and it was horrible.
KAYLA: Ooohhh Sarah. So how was your pool party and your gymnastics meet?
SARAH: Not good.
KAYLA: Did you not swim?
SARAH: I did not swim. Because also the girl whose pool party it was, I mean I knew her but we weren't BFFs and she was younger than me. So it's like...
KAYLA: You can't tell her.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: She doesn't need that on her. It's her birthday!
SARAH: Yeah, I was one of the older people there and so it was like "I don't. I can't."
KAYLA: Did you feel like a woman?
SARAH: No!
KAYLA: I feel like books are always like...
SARAH: I felt scarred!
KAYLA: I feel like every time books are like you get your first period they're like "I feel like a woman." Did you read Dear God, It's Me Margaret?
SARAH: I think I might've but I don't really remember it.
KAYLA: I read it the summer before sixth grade? But by that time... I got my period quite early.
SARAH: Really?
KAYLA: It was I think between fifth and sixth grade. Or maybe between fourth and fifth. I was pretty early. I was in Florida, we were in my grandparents’... they used to live in kind of a trailer park just for older people, a typical Florida thing. We were there visiting and we were going to Disney the next day and I went to the bathroom and I was like "there's some blood!" So I started yelling I was like "mom!" And my grandma came and she's like "Oh did you need toilet paper? What do you need?" And I was like "I need mom!!" And she was like "ooookay." And my mom came in or whatever and my mom helped me, whatever I don't really remember that much. And then I came back out and I was just laying on the floor being sad and my dad was like "Do you feel like an adult now?" And I was like (sadly) "Noooo."
SARAH: Nooo.
KAYLA: And then we went to Disney the next day, which sucked because you do have to think about it so I'm like how am I supposed to enjoy Disney when I'm bleeding, dad?
SARAH: Yeah, it's really fucking scarring. But another fun thing about Disney, I remember I had... So I was on my period right before a gymnastics meet that was in Disney World and it just ended right before the meet and I was like "Oh thank god, I don't have to deal with this." And then the next day I'm like "Oh it's over, it's fine." I was wearing white pants.
KAYLA: Noooo.
SARAH: And white whatever. It was weirdly cold that day, it was freezing. And then it came back and I was like...
KAYLA: Nooo. Did it leak?
SARAH: I don't remember.
KAYLA: I have never had a bad leak. I have a lot of friends -- like my sister's had it where she's been in class and leaked through her pants. I remember my sister had one teacher that was like "Sweety, do you want to go to the bathroom?" My sister was like "what?" And she was like, her teacher was like "go to the bathroom."
SARAH: It happened to me once where someone pointed it out and I was like "fuck." But other times, it's not been bad enough that anyone said anything to me.
KAYLA: No, the only time... I'm sure things have leaked through but it's usually when I'm wearing dark pants and it's a tiny amount and so no one knows.
SARAH: That's why I also... a lot of people think this is weird, but I'm of a fan of when I'm bleeding, I'm a fan of wearing skirts and dresses because it seems like a lot of effort, right?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But that way if something... because I always wear shorts under any skirt or dress that I wear at any point and time. And so if something happens, it won't get on the dress.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true.
SARAH: It'll just be on the shorts.
KAYLA: A lot of times if I'm on my period and it's really bad I'll wear spandex to bed under my pajama pants because then I'm like "oh it'll keep it all in."
SARAH: I will do that if it... I'll do that with jeans.
KAYLA: Oh god. Too much.
SARAH: I do it. It just... you gotta be careful.
KAYLA: It keeps it all in.
SARAH: Gotta be safe. Because if you're an athlete too, it's so much worse.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's like how gymnastics and dance. We know someone on the quidditch team that... (laughter) so with birth control you can kind of schedule when your period is based on what week you take the pseudo pills or whatever, she purposely -- it's raining outside -- she purposely scheduled her birth control to not get her period when we were at regionals.
(15:00)
SARAH: Listen, our uniforms are all white! Okay, I have seen sometimes at the Olympics, the gymnasts will wear all white leotards and I'm like girl what? And then I realize they probably don't have their periods yet.
KAYLA: Because they're so small. They're so stunted.
SARAH: Yeah. Well no because they're like 16 and you're stunted and yeah. I wish gymnastics had stunted my period.
KAYLA: It stunted like everything else.
SARAH: It stunted everything else (laughs).
KAYLA: Tragic. Tragic.
SARAH: Oh darn. But basically, bleeding is the worst.
KAYLA: And it's expensive.
SARAH: It's so expensive.
KAYLA: Even some workplaces I know will be like "ooo, a complimentary bowl of tampons." They're always shitty!
SARAH: You know what was really nice? At my prom one of the teachers who was running it, she -- in the bathroom, in the girls’ bathroom -- she put this thing that had pads and tampons and hairspray and bobby pins...
KAYLA: Awww that's so nice!
SARAH: It was really nice.
KAYLA: That's cute.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But yeah, there's tax on feminine products. They're still taxed. They're always really expensive because you have to buy them so companies are just like "well we'll do it."
SARAH: You know what's weird? In Germany, or just in Europe in general, I think -- if we have any European listeners correct me if I'm wrong.
KAYLA: We do have some.
SARAH: Yeah. But they... if you buy tampons there, most of their tampons don't have applicators.
KAYLA: You just...
SARAH: You just have to stick them in your body.
KAYLA: ...stick it in. I mean it's more environmentally friendly.
SARAH: It is.
KAYLA: I think someone said once like "plastic applicators are good for the soul but bad for the environment" (laughter). Because they... yeah. I think I had to use one with a cardboard applicator once and I was like "owwww."
SARAH: Menstrual cups... girl can't. Like I know they're really good for the environment, but it also seems... Like okay, if you're at your house that's fine.
KAYLA: Yeah, you're not going anywhere.
SARAH: But what if you're in a public bathroom with just stalls?
KAYLA: And you gotta take out your cup.
SARAH: You have to take it out, you have to dump it out. You would have to leave the stall to rinse it out and then you have to go back into the stall to put it back in. Unless you had more than one, in which case you would still need to rinse it out in the sink regardless. That just seems... It also I think just has to do with the fact that it's seen as this embarrassing thing that you have to hide.
KAYLA: Well yeah, because you're not... you don't talk about your period. I think I talk about my period a lot.
SARAH: I've gotten a lot better at it. I used to just not like the word period at all.
KAYLA: Oh no, like growing up in my house it was me and my sister, my mom, and my dad, so it was basically all women and so it was like whatever. I talk about my period to my dad all the time.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: But for most people, I think it's embarrassing when you get a tampon or a pad out of your backpack you slip in your pocket really fast.
SARAH: Yeah. Or opening it in the bathroom.
KAYLA: Yeah, you can hear it crinkling.
SARAH: It's pretty loud. And whenever I hear someone opening I'm like (clapping) "yessss!"'
KAYLA: Yesss! Get that pad open!
SARAH: Cause I do the same thing, I will try and be as quiet as humanly possibly.
KAYLA: Yeah. And it's like people don't talk about it. But you'd think...some is good. I know people have in a public bathroom asked me before like "Oh do you have a pad or tampon? I really need one." So some people are good about it but it's like this taboo thing but it happens to half the population.
SARAH: Yeah, and that's stupid. Both stupid in that it's taboo and that it happens to half the population (laughs).
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Cause it's horrible!
KAYLA: I was looking at... because the other day, another thing that brought up why we're talking about periods is because I realized a while ago other mammals have periods and I was like how does that even just... what?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So I was looking it up, I found a BBC article and it was like "why women have periods when most animals don't" or something like that. I'm sure you can find it. There are only a few other species that get periods. There's a lot of primates which makes sense, we are like a primate basically.
SARAH: We are.
KAYLA: And some bats and elephant shrews.
SARAH: That's it?
KAYLA: That's it!
SARAH: Those poor mammals.
KAYLA: And they said... I think this article said that a lot of it isn't even detectable really unless you're looking for it. It's such a not heavy bleed that you don't even...
SARAH: What is the evolutionary reason for blood to come out of your body in troves?!
KAYLA: So it's saying what these seemingly disparate animals have in common. So apparently it comes down to how much control the mother animal has over her own womb. So "in menstruating animals, the transformation of the womb wall is entirely controlled by the mother using the hormone progesterone." So in some animals that doesn't happen.
SARAH: Ohhhh.
KAYLA: So it's saying that the body controls when it's the uterine lining gets thick enough that an embryo can stick to it, so it's the hormones that do that. In other animals, it seems like it gets thicker when the embryo is coming out, it's not triggered by hormones, it's triggered by the embryo itself. So because we have more hormones, I guess, and are more controlled by hormones that is why?
(20:00)
SARAH: But also I'm just confused about how is this evolutionary beneficial to us?
KAYLA: It's (sigh) not.
SARAH: Because if you're out there tracking animals or trying not to get eaten by animals, that's not helpful at all. It's detrimental.
KAYLA; Yeah I really don't... Because I'm in a class right now that's like evolutionary psychology or environmental psychology, but we talk a lot about evolution and why it's adaptive for our brains to work a certain way because of the condition that humans had to live in when we first came down from the trees and whatever. Periods make no sense.
SARAH: Yeah they don't. And at this point, we're not going to evolve out of it because humans, at this point, we're probably not gonna do... I mean obviously, evolution happens long-term but.
KAYLA: You know what I'm ready to out of?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Body hair!
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: We don't need it anymore! I'm ready to evolve out of it.
SARAH: That's not a big... I mean it's a stigma. No, but that's another thing that's just like stupid society thing.
KAYLA: It's a stigma but also I don't like it.
SARAH: It's kind of annoying.
KAYLA: I don't want it on me (laughs).
SARAH: Yeah. But we're probably not gonna evolve out of these things. Obviously, it happens over a long, long time so we wouldn't really know, but I feel like at this point humans are so good at dealing with our own problems.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's like periods used to... it would be a danger back in the day when we were hunting animals but they're not really a danger anymore.
SARAH: Right. Like if you have a really, really heavy period you're not probably gonna die from it. There are things that... there are actual diagnoses and stuff that do cause you to have really, really bad periods and really, really painful ones, which that can be a problem. But the odds of you dying from it.
KAYLA: You know what it could be, though? Because a lot of evolution comes from natural selection so it's just the people that have the best traits or mutations are more likely to reproduce.
SARAH: Yeah, but reproducing happens differently now than it did a couple hundred years ago.
KAYLA: Yes, but you have to wonder is there something different about women that have bad periods and good periods and how productive they are or how attractive they seem to people.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: Like I don't know what the science would be behind that at all but you have to think if there is, women with lighter periods might reproduce more and so eventually it'll widdle down.
SARAH: Eventually, but...
KAYLA: Well obviously, we... I was just talking in one of my other classes about how long evolution took.
SARAH: Yeah. A long time.
KAYLA: Humans in this form have been around for 40,000 years. We've only been civilized for 5,000 years. So like if we last that long on this earth it could happen, but like not anytime I'm gonna be around.
SARAH: Yeah. Trueee. Yeah, I just... I hate bleeding.
KAYLA: Tell me how you really feel.
SARAH: I hate it. I strongly believe there are two things, two things in the world that I think are the worst part about being a female human.
KAYLA: Give it to me.
SARAH: One: like you know, social inequality.
KAYLA: Yeah some sexism.
SARAH: Social-economic, you know all that fun stuff.
KAYLA: Not great.
SARAH: Two: close second, periods (laughs).
KAYLA: I'm trying to think of what else.
SARAH: Other than that, I'm pleased with being a woman.
KAYLA: Yeah I'm trying to... I mean boobs kind of get in the way but I like them being there.
SARAH: Oh, I also wish I had a better metabolism but that's further down the list. You know? It's not quite as high.
KAYLA: Yeah it's like 5 maybe.
SARAH: Yeah (laughs).
KAYLA: Yeah I... being a woman is great. It's really just, it's just the period.
SARAH: Period and inequality.
KAYLA: (laughs)
SARAH: I would argue that the period is number one (laughs).
KAYLA: No, Sarah. No.
SARAH: Listen, I'm just saying.
KAYLA: No. It also sucks, it kind of goes along with the inequality thing, is a lot of workplaces and schools don't have great support for when women are on their periods. You'd have to think that's a reason that a lot of women don't get hired as much is because employers are thinking "well if this woman has a baby, we have to pay for that. And if they're on their period they might have more sick days." So it's like economically more worth it to hire a man because you don't have to pay them for stuff like that or worry about leave like that traditionally.
SARAH: But then at the same time, if someone is like "I don't want my uterus" and theoretically - not that you would bring that up in a job interview - but in theory based off of the way things stupidly are, that might make you more attractive to employers. But if you try and get your tubes tied and you try and just kid rid of your uterus, they a lot of times, they will not let you do it because - especially if you don't already have kids - because they'll be like "well what if you want kids?" And I'll be like "fuck off."
(25:00)
KAYLA: I don't.
SARAH: Even if I suddenly did change my mind, I would not want to be pregnant, I would not want to go through getting pregnant.
KAYLA: You'd just adopt.
SARAH: I would adopt a kid. Like no, I don't want that. It's a lot of just, again, women not being believed when they say that they want something. This is something that I have... when I was younger I thought I wanted kids but the reason I thought I wanted kids was because I thought that was what I was supposed to do, not because I really wanted kids. And so my mind has not changed and is there the possibility that my mind would change? Yeah. But there's also the possibility that this woman who just gave birth to a kid will not want her kid later. That's a possibility too. So you can't use that as an argument for me not wanting it but a lot of times you have to go through... Like women getting their tubes tied, some places require the husband to approve it and it's like...
KAYLA: I don't think women have to approve a vasectomy.
SARAH: No, they don't.
KAYLA: Did you know vasectomies aren't 100%... they don't work 100% of the time? The part that's snipped apparently can grow back.
SARAH: What the fuck?
KAYLA: Saw that on the Buzzfeed Snapchat this morning (laughter). Shouts out.
SARAH: (laughs) Oh my god. Part of me does sort of want to look into it just because I fucking hate it but like...
KAYLA: Do it while you're still on your parents' insurance, man! (laughter) Get that done now!
SARAH: But also it's not like... Okay I fucking hate my period and it's really annoying, but it's not a real detriment to my health.
KAYLA: And also is it worth a surgery?
SARAH: Right. And it's not a real detriment to my health in the way that some other people's periods are.
KAYLA: Oh yeah, for sure.
SARAH: And so it's like... But at the same time, it's like I really just don't...
KAYLA: Don't want it.
SARAH: I have no use or need for this, so why am I messing with it?
KAYLA: You're wasting time and money on it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But also it takes time and money to get the surgery and recover and all that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I dunno if you decide to do it, I'd say do it before you get off that insurance.
SARAH: Before I get off my parents' insurance. It's also like would make sense to do it while you're younger because eventually you're gonna hit menopause and eventually...
KAYLA: Some people - I feel like a lot of people are always like "oh, menopause is so scary, it means you're not a woman anymore blah, blah, blah."
SARAH: (raspberry noises)
KAYLA: Bitch, I've been waiting for menopause (laughter) since the minute I got my period!!! I dream of menopause! Like give it to me.
SARAH: I want it.
KAYLA: I want it. Like I've read psych studies about how different women react to menopause and they have all these problems and I'm like bitch why? You should be happy!
SARAH: That's not a problem.
KAYLA: You're free!
SARAH: Master has given Dobby a sock! Dobby is a free elf!
KAYLA: Oh my god. It's like you being a woman is not linked to your ability to have children.
SARAH: It's not. You just... Kayla, you've triggered me.
KAYLA: Okay, give it to me.
SARAH: Age of Ultron, Natasha, Bruce. Bullshit! I cannot believe they brought it back up in Thor Ragnorak.
KAYLA: It is so stupid.
SARAH: Spoiler alert. Other than that though, go see Thor Ragnorak it was good.
KAYLA: It was funny. Yeah, that part was dumb though.
SARAH: We could do a whole episode about it. I can't talk about it right now I'm too heated.
KAYLA: Okay we'll put that on the list! (laughter) Oh my lord.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: But yeah it just...
KAYLA: It just sucks.
SARAH: Yeah. Like a lot of people are like... I feel like people try and think about their period constantly and I think that is healthy to not hate womanhood, but at the same time, it's like...
KAYLA: How do you not?
SARAH: ...for me there are no pros of having a period and me hating my period does not make me feel any less of a woman.
KAYLA: Yeah, no. It's like you not wanting kids doesn't make you less of a woman.
SARAH: Right. And so it's like if you are super period positive - and I do think that we should be able to speak openly about it, that's very true.
KAYLA: Obviously. It's a huge medical issue that affects half the population. We should be having open conversations about it.
SARAH: Exactly. And I think that's important to talk about. However, I don't think everyone should have to feel like they need to view theirs positively. Because I sure don't and that doesn't make me less of a woman, that doesn't make me any... I don't know.
KAYLA: Yeah. It doesn't make you anything.
SARAH: It doesn't make me anything.
KAYLA: You just hate your period.
SARAH: Yeah. It's stupid.
KAYLA: Yeah it's especially hard for you because at least when I get my period I know that oh I might wanna have kids one day so this is just something I have to go through. But for you... and it's like I can't get my uterus removed because I do have sex.
SARAH: I mean you could but then the sex wouldn't work in the same way.
KAYLA: I mean there'd still be a hole there. I don't wanna talk about how it would work. I don't know how any of that works. Anyway. But for me, there's like - I can think about there's a reason that I'm going through this.
SARAH: There's a light at the end of the tunnel.
KAYLA: Yeah there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
(30:00)
SARAH: For me, it's just a dark, dark tunnel (laughs).
KAYLA: It's dark as hell down there.
SARAH: And somebody's gotta light up that...
ALL: Pretty, pretty lady.
KAYLA: Yikes.
SARAH: Yup. But yeah. If you out there are like me and don't want your uterus, can we form a support group?
KAYLA: I feel like there's no... Okay, we're Googling.
SARAH: Oh, we're Googling.
KAYLA: (typing) "I don't want my uterus." Um, my search history has been ruined by this podcast also.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: "You don't need to have a period at all if you don't wanna." Thanks, jezebel.com!
SARAH: That is a women's magazine.
KAYLA: Ooo "I don't want to have kids, I wish to donate my uterus." Huh.
SARAH: Oh my god, does someone else want my uterus?
KAYLA: "If the reason you want to donate your uterus is so that it can be transplanted into someone else, don't bother." Oh. "There isn't much demand for this organ." Understandable.
SARAH: Damn.
KAYLA: And there's no successful transplant. "Hysterectomy is a complex major surgery." Yeah, Sarah.
SARAH: Wait no because...
KAYLA: "There's just no reason to do it unless you have some pathology." Ma'am.
SARAH: I know but listen... I hate it. I wish I could find that article that I read many months ago again.
KAYLA: Oooo Yahoo Answers! Yahoo Answers!
SARAH: Cause it talked... the article I read talked about a number of different things that could be done but I don't think...
KAYLA: Ooo this says... this very qualified answer from Yahoo Answers (laughs) says that "if you keep the ovaries, you'll still have moodiness and some bloating" and those are caused by hormones. So just getting your uterus removed isn't enough according to this?
SARAH: Well I'll get rid of all of it. I'll get rid of all of it!
KAYLA: Get rid of the second half of your body.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: "Having a hysterectomy at 25 changed me." Alright Huff Post, let's hear it. "Nothing was normal about my uterus." So but this person got it because their uterus is fucked up.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Yeah, this person got it cause body issues and they were unhealthy. Yeah Sarah, I don't know that there's a support group for you, you might need to make one.
SARAH; Damnit.
KAYLA: “I really want to have my uterus removed.” These are funny.
SARAH: What's the difference between a hysterectomy and getting your tubes tied? Is it the same thing?
KAYLA: A hysterectomy is an actual removal of the entire uterus.
SARAH: Yeah. Because if you get your tubes tied you still get your period, you just can't get pregnant.
KAYLA: So this person doesn't want kids, has a really bad period, but is wondering how it'll affect sex for them. Cafe mom, "I don't want my uterus anymore."
SARAH: I don't!
KAYLA: Am I triggering you with all these headlines, Sarah?
SARAH: (whining) I don't want it!
KAYLA: Maybe you should start your own support group.
SARAH: (whining) I will! Please reach out to me. No, but I feel like a lot of people are like they'll joke like "oh yeah haha I don't want my uterus." But like I legitimately don't.
KAYLA: Yeah. Oh, this woman says her tubes are tied and she'd love to have it out because her periods are so horrible.
SARAH: It's all dumb.
KAYLA: This person has a picture that says grey pride and they said they were happy to get rid of theirs. I wonder if they are greysexual.
SARAH: They probably are. Nice!
KAYLA: Nice!
SARAH: Alright but yeah, I know they said that the uterus transplants are pretty rare, but if you want mine it's up for grabs.
KAYLA: Please let us know if you want Sarah's uterus.
SARAH: As far as I'm aware it works just fine (laughter).
KAYLA: It's doing great.
SARAH: So.
KAYLA: Sarah doesn't even drink really so it's clean.
SARAH: Everything.
KAYLA: All her organs are probably quite clean.
SARAH: It's just really, really clean in there except for the blood (laughs).
KAYLA: Ew. Can you imagine if there was some else's uterus in your body?
SARAH: I mean that's true... any organ.
KAYLA: I know, I don't like any of organ transplant.
SARAH: It's the same!
KAYLA: I mean okay (laughter), I support organ transplants it just grosses me out to think about.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Yucky.
SARAH: Alright, Kayla?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: A poll.
KAYLA: A poll. Let's see.
SARAH: I have a great poll.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Will you take Sarah's uterus? One: yes, two: hell yes, three: fuck yes, four: I...
KAYLA: No Sarah, that's not a good poll.
SARAH: (laughs) It's a great poll!
KAYLA: That's not what we're doing.
SARAH: No one would vote because none of them want my uterus. Okay so our poll, how uncomfortable does talking about periods make you?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Slash how uncomfortable did this podcast make you? (laughter)
KAYLA: Slash we're not sorry!
SARAH: Answer number one: very uncomfortable.
KAYLA: Very uncomfortable.
SARAH: Answer number two: kinda uncomfortable, answer number three: pretty hype - so not uncomfortable - answer number four: this is my favorite conversation topic (laughs).
(35:00)
KAYLA: That's me. Meeee.
SARAH: So that's the poll.
KAYLA: That's the poll. You can find it on our Twitter at...
SARAH: If it makes you very uncomfortable, wrong. But that's okay, it's a valid experience we're just trying to get over it.
KAYLA: (laughs) If you're very uncomfortable you're wrong but we support you.
SARAH: But we support you and we hope that you learn to accept conversations about the blood that comes out of uteri.
KAYLA: Is that...?
SARAH: Are you ever in a room and just like "I wonder how many people in this room are currently on their period?"
KAYLA: No. But living in a house with a lot of females makes it fun.
SARAH: Yeah (laughter).
KAYLA: Cause you can tell from the trash can who's on their period (laughter) and you're like "ohhh I know those tampons!"
SARAH: Incredible! Amazing. Anyway, you can find that poll on our Twitter @soundsfakepod. You can also email us your fun period stories.
KAYLA: Please do, I love a good horrific period story.
SARAH: I am happy to battle you.
KAYLA: Also put those in the comments or the reviews of wherever you listen. We're on iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher Radio, and anywhere else you find your podcasts.
SARAH: Hold on I just thought of a thing. I've heard of stories of men not knowing what a period was.
KAYLA: (sigh)
SARAH: While being married to a woman. So like if you're out there and a human who doesn't get a period and you're confused...
KAYLA: About what we're talking about all, please Google it.
SARAH: Google it, ask us if you want.
KAYLA: Oh my lord I will educate you.
SARAH: But it's so important to know.
KAYLA: It affects half the pop-! I know I've said that like 10 times, but it affects half the population! It's big!
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway.
KAYLA: Anyway so you can leave your thoughts and your answers to the poll in the reviews - we'd love more reviews, it'd be super cute - in the comments of wherever you find your podcasts.
SARAH: Tell us about how bad your period is or how not bad it is and then we can fight and we can trade... whoever wins the fight gets the better uterus. Alright so Patreon, we have Patreon patrons.
KAYLA: We sure do!
SARAH: We have our $5 patrons, we have Jennifer Smart, we know for positives it is Lehen Productions.
KAYLA: We do. Lovely Jennifer.
SARAH: (laughs) Yeah, you can find her at Lehen Productions, it's super great.
KAYLA: On YouTube.
SARAH: On the YouTube, yeah sorry.
KAYLA: And she has a website, too. She has awesome animations, definitely check it out it's really cool.
SARAH: True. Then you have Asritha. Asritha is...
KAYLA: Existing.
SARAH: Existing.
KAYLA: We're promoting her general existence. She's doing great, she's down in DC and we love her.
SARAH: Her Instagram is @asritha_v, that's at A-S-R-I-T-H-A underscore V. $10 patrons, we have Emma.
KAYLA: Oh what a lovely human she is! She has a cat.
SARAH: What a human. She did get a new cat.
KAYLA: Ohhh I saw a video of it today with a fidget spinner and I wanted to cry.
SARAH: If you - true - if you want to see said cat, follow her on Twitter and Instagram @emmatfink, that's at E-M-M-A-T-F-I-N-K.
KAYLA: Would recommend.
SARAH: Thank you for listening.
KAYLA: Thank you so much.
SARAH: And tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
