Sounds Fake But Okay

Ep 217: Weddings

May 22, 2022 Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 217: Weddings
Show Notes Transcript

Hey what's up hello! Kayla was in her sister's wedding last week and you know what that means! Time to talk about weddings and all their traditions from an aspec perspective.

Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/weddings

Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod

Follow: @soundsfakepod

Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt

www.soundsfakepod.com

Support the show

(00:00)

SARAH: Hey, what’s up, hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake but Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl, I’m Sarah, that’s me

KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that’s me Kayla

SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don’t understand. 

KAYLA: On today’s episode: weddings

SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake but okay.

(intro music plays) 

SARAH: Welcome back to the pod! I said the intro correctly this week.

KAYLA: She’s done it! A professional! It’s not like we’ve done this, what, 216 times now?

SARAH: Listen, we’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, we can only do the intro when we do the whole intro.

KAYLA: That’s very true. 

SARAH: And last week, there was a minor interruption and I had to re-say it, and I resaid it wrong. 

KAYLA: What you going to do? What you going to do?

SARAH: I have a feeling that Mr. Bogey will be an integral part of today’s podcasting experience. 

KAYLA: Mhm. 

SARAH: So if you hear just a gentle jingling, perhaps – would you like to say something into the mic, Bogey? No? He’s putting his ass in the mic.

KAYLA: Oh, that’s nice.

SARAH: So he’s a part of this. Now he’s trying to play with the cord. Um, bestie? We carry on. Kayla?

KAYLA: Yes?

SARAH: Do we have any housekeeping? No, I don’t think so.

KAYLA: Mm, no, I don’t think so. 

SARAH: All right, what are we talking about this week? 

KAYLA: This week, we’re getting married. 

SARAH: To each other? 

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Oh, good for us.

KAYLA: Surprise!

SARAH: I didn’t get us a gift. 

KAYLA: I think we’re supposed to be each other’s gift. 

SARAH: Isn’t that human trafficking? 

KAYLA: Mm, no? Anyway.

SARAH: Is there no explanation to follow that? 

KAYLA: No. 

SARAH: You’re just going to say no?

KAYLA: Sarah sent me a potato for my birthday, as I guess you all know that. She said it secretly last time. 

SARAH: I did, and you tried to interrupt me. 

KAYLA: I did. I did receive my potato. It’s sitting on my desk, staring at me.

SARAH: Um, it doesn’t have eyes. 

KAYLA: That’s what you think.

SARAH: Oh. 

KAYLA: Anyway, we’re talking about weddings. 

SARAH: (laughing) I paid extra for those eyes. Why are we talking about weddings, Kayla? 

KAYLA: I was just at one over the weekend. My sister got married. 

SARAH: Yes!

KAYLA: And it was a very lovely time. 

SARAH: Yes!

KAYLA: My second wedding of this wedding season. 

SARAH: mhm. 

KAYLA: I just thought it would be interesting to talk about an aspec perspective on weddings and kind of – I don’t know – because it was my sister’s wedding, so I was pretty involved. In the other wedding I was also a bridesmaid. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And just through talking to my mom about all the traditions, there’s just so much baked into it of like “this is the traditional thing to do at a wedding”

SARAH: Right. 

KAYLA: Like every part of a wedding has so much tradition in it. And some them are like okay, that’s more of an organizational thing really and others are just weird.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: So I just think it could be interesting to talk about. 

SARAH: Your sister got married this past weekend. My sister is getting married next February. 

KAYLA: True. 

SARAH: And they’re both, you know, white women in their 20s getting married in southeast Michigan, but there is one key difference between their weddings. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Yes. 

SARAH: Which is that my sister is marrying a woman. 

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: And your sister did not do that. 

KAYLA: No, she certainly didn’t. And that’s okay. 

SARAH: And I’m my sister’s maid of honor. I am in the wedding party, but because I live across the country and because of the way that I am as a person, my responsibility thus far has not been great. 

KAYLA: Yeah, I had the same thing because I am also across the country and also my mom and my aunt were very involved. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: So no one asked me for anything. I was just like “okay”

SARAH: Yeah sometimes my sister will text me and she’ll say “can you send this message to the bridesmaids group chat?” and I’ll say “sure”

KAYLA: I love that for you. 

SARAH: You know what, the other day, she had her first fitting of her dress and she sent me some pictures, and she said “can you send these to the bridesmaids group chat” and I responded by saying – let me read it exactly. 

KAYLA: Yeah, please. 

SARAH: I responded by saying – also, apologies, it’s the wedding party group we’re trying to not be gender specific because although everyone in my sister’s wedding party is a woman there is a non-binary person in her fiancee’s wedding party so we are trying to be inclusive. 

KAYLA: Good. I love that. 

SARAH: They were trying to come up with a good name instead of bridesmaids and other bridesmaids

(05:00)

And I said “the people who stand at the front” and they didn’t like that. 

KAYLA: Mm, well. 

SARAH: Anyway, she said “can you send the pics of the dress to the wedding party group” and I said “just a reminder that you knew what you were signing up for when you made me your maid of honor”. The reason I said this was because I sent the images with the caption, all caps “BING  BONG THAT THERE IS A DRESS YEE HAW”

KAYLA: What a professional.

SARAH: What a professional, is me. But all this to say that’s been my level of engagement thus far. 

KAYLA: Yes. It would be interesting to see if we want to do a part two after your sister’s wedding to see if we have any – 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: – extra thoughts. 

SARAH: And I have a little bit of perspective. My sister’s friend who has been married, but their wedding was supposed to be June of 2020. For obvious reasons, that didn’t happen. Also because it was supposed to be in Europe. 

KAYLA: Mm. 

SARAH: And her fiance, her husband, who is a US citizen, was not going to be allowed into the country where the wedding was. 

KAYLA: That would be tough. 

SARAH: Due to COVID restrictions. 

KAYLA: That would be tough to have a wedding without half of the –

SARAH: Yeah, yeah. 

KAYLA: – people. 

SARAH: Because she’s from Europe, it’s not like they were just like “let’s do a destination wedding”, her whole family lives there. Anyway, the wedding is finally happening I believe this summer, and so my sister was the maid of honor and she finally had to plan a bachelorette party. 

KAYLA: Mm. 

SARAH: Which happened a couple weeks ago. I didn’t get too many details, but she did text me a couple times being like “I’m looking up what you do at bachelorette parties and why do they have so much to do with penis-shaped things?”

KAYLA: Honestly, yeah. This is a good place to start because I also had a big part in planning my sister’s bachelorette party. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: But I left the fun things to the other bridesmaids who were her college roommates.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Because I was just like, I don’t know. 

SARAH: What do the straights do? 

KAYLA: Exactly. And one of the roommates is actually queer so we were having a big bonding time during the bachelorette party because, and I was the youngest one because my sister is older and all of her friends are like her age. 

SARAH: Mhm. When you say older, you mean she’s like 27 or 28.

KAYLA: Yes, but just in a different stage. I also mean older as in– 

SARAH: In a different stage of her life. 

KAYLA: – in a different stage of her life, and so were her friends. So people were talking about their futures and adult things, and me and the other queer bridesmaid were just like “hahaha.” The raunchiest, I suppose, hers got was we did 

SARAH: Oh my god. Oh. 

KAYLA: Yes?

SARAH: I’m sorry, Bogey just tried to butt my microphone, and I thought it was going to fall over, but it didn’t. It’s a sturdy boy.

KAYLA: What a sturdy fellow. 

SARAH: It’s a sturdy fellow. Continue. 

KAYLA: I think the raunchiest it got, there were some straws with some little cartoons of stripper men on it, maybe?

SARAH: Mm, I see. 

KAYLA: And there was this game that I’ve seen at a couple bachelorette parties now, where everyone gets the bride a pair of panties? And then – 

SARAH: Oh yeah, that’s a thing, you buy them lingerie. 

KAYLA: Yeah, and then she has to guess who brought which one. 

SARAH: Oh. 

KAYLA: That one was fun, because some people brought silly ones too, so that was kind of fun. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Yeah, there’s a lot of like, dick shaped straws, 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Or floaties, or the Magic Mike type of thing. It’s all very sexualized. I think that’s the same thing for bachelor parties, the idea of like – 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: All girls’ strip club, your last night of freedom. I feel like the traditions really start there. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: With just how heteronormative and of course, because you know, it makes sense because it’s hetero people getting married. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Just those traditions and that weird thinking behind it is kind of bizarre. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Because you have people who are maybe not very sexual or raunchy people or they have very – 

SARAH: Or they’re very private about – 

KAYLA: Right, or very vanilla relationships.

SARAH: – their private life. Yeah.

KAYLA: And then all of a sudden you get to the bachelorette party and it’s like going crazy. It’s very…

SARAH: yeah. 

KAYLA: It’s interesting. 

SARAH: To embrace the stereotypes that I think are often embraced in the context of bachelor and bachelorette parties, you have the bachelorette parties which are themed.

(10:00)

KAYLA: Mhm. 

SARAH: Because you know, of course women, they love a good, well-organized theme, and the theme is dicks for some reason. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Yeah, yes. 

SARAH: Because when you get married suddenly you can have dick, or at least you can be not ashamed about having dick? I don’t know. 

KAYLA: Maybe that goes back to like when it was assumed that you never had sex until marriage.

SARAH: Right.

KAYLA: So the bachelorette party was almost preparing you for that. 

SARAH: (laughing) Preparing you for dick. 

KAYLA: like “oh here’s your wedding night lingerie. “

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Or we’re now going to teach you what sex is. Maybe it goes back to something like that. 

SARAH: I’m sure it does. 

KAYLA: Personally, for my bachelorette party, I would like part of it to be a murdery mystery party, because I have never been to one, and I would like one.

SARAH: Mm. Do I have to plan that? Who’s planning that? 

KAYLA: Who’s to say? 

SARAH: Okay. 

KAYLA: I feel like I’m going to have a maid of honor, but depending on people’s skill sets, different things will be assigned to different people.

SARAH: Yeah, that’s part of the reason why my sister’s bachelorette party, I will be involved in planning it, but as far as I’m aware, unless I’m making things up live and in concert on the podcast, I won’t have to do a lot of the more logistical stuff. That’s going to go to her other friend who is in the wedding party because that’s just not…

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: In my skillset. 

KAYLA: We have friends that are party planners. They are very good at themes.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And getting people all hyped up and stuff, so. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Yeah. Anyway, wild. 

SARAH: Also, I don’t even remember if my sister and Amanda – are they having separate bachelorette parties? I don’t even remember. 

KAYLA: Yeah, some people do separate and some people do combined.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: My sister’s now husband went to Texas, and they went to a rodeo. 

SARAH: (laughing) Amazing. 

KAYLA: Which I love. 

SARAH: That sounds very in character from what I know about him.

KAYLA: Really? Because disagree. 

SARAH: Okay, here’s actually – I take that back. It sounds very in character of what I project onto him.

KAYLA: Okay. That’s fair. 

SARAH: Because I don’t really know – I’ve never met him.

KAYLA: Yeah I guess you haven’t, that’s fair. 

SARAH: Maybe I have, but only very briefly, so that’s the type of thing I would project a person like him would have as a bachelor party.

KAYLA: I think it says more about his friends than him.

SARAH: Oh yeah. 

KAYLA: Because they planned it and then he was just like “all right”

SARAH: Okay. yee haw. 

KAYLA: Yee haw. 

SARAH: But I feel like while hetero bachelorette parties are just very dick focused for some reason, hetero bachelor parties are very much like “we’re going to the strip club, it’s your last time to have fun”

KAYLA: Mhm. 

SARAH: “We got some strippers. We got you a sex worker”

KAYLA: Obviously these are like the stereotypes. Not everyone – 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: – My sister’s bachelorette party was not like that, you know? 

SARAH: Yeah, and my sister’s will not be. To the extent that I – 

KAYLA: It would be wild if hers was dick focused. 

SARAH: It would be super strange. 

KAYLA: Honestly, that would be pretty camp. It would be kind of funny actually. 

SARAH: It would be camp. A Le Dollar Bean’s bachelorette party being dick focused. 

KAYLA: That’d be funny. 

SARAH: But just because me. I will not let that happen.

KAYLA: That’s fair. 

SARAH: Because that’s heteronormative and foolish, but even if I were going to embrace the stereotypes of bachelorette parties, because she’s gay, would it just be vulva focused? 

KAYLA: Ew. 

SARAH: That’s the question. 

KAYLA: That would be kind of good. Just like a lot of boobs, maybe?

SARAH: Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

KAYLA: I can’t help you there. 

SARAH: That’s why I’m not going to do that. 

KAYLA: That’s fair. So moving on to the actual wedding.

SARAH: H-wedding. 

KAYLA: Even my sister’s bridal shower, where all the women that are closest to you –

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Get together and you do like, presents? 

SARAH: I just booked my ticket home for my sister’s bridal shower.

KAYLA: That’s very exciting. But it’s weird because you do presents, but you also have to give the person another present for the wedding. 

SARAH: Right, yeah. 

KAYLA: And it’s only for the bride, so I don’t know again, if this is like – well I guess in the olden days you would give the woman the cookware for the house and the womanly gifts?

SARAH: Yeah, it is interesting. In my family, as of late, the bridal showers that have happened have not been women specific. For example, my cousin that got married last summer, her brothers were invited to her bridal shower, and there were other men there. 

(15:00)

SARAH: My dad didn’t go, but I think that was mostly because he didn’t want to. 

KAYLA: Mm. 

SARAH: And because it was a bridal shower he didn’t feel obligated, you know?

KAYLA: Yeah. It’s weird the amount of pre-wedding events there are, because it feels like they could all be combined into one. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: An engagement party, depending on how long out from your wedding it is, that’s one thing.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: But you have the bridal shower, and then you have rehearsal dinner, which I guess is only for the bridal party. 

SARAH: I guess that serves a purpose. 

KAYLA: Well no, yeah, it serves a purpose. The beginning is like you rehearse the wedding. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Like walking down the aisle and the order of people and whatever.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Then go have dinner and hang out. It just seems like there’s so many things, and I feel like they must have served a grander purpose in the past, and now they’re just things that you do. 

SARAH: Yeah. I thought I wasn’t going to have to book a separate trip home for the bridal shower, but I do, so. 

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: (laughing) Just flying back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.

KAYLA: That has been me for the past like, year. 

SARAH: Okay but you don’t have to fly as far. 

KAYLA: I don’t, it’s true it is cheaper for me. Okay, now onto the real wedding. I feel like I was just aghast the entire time about just how many traditions there were.

SARAH: Mm. 

KAYLA: My mom would mention something, and me and my sister, I don’t think she has ever been in a wedding. I was in my first wedding a couple months ago, so there were things we’d never heard of. I don’t think we’d ever been to a bridal shower before my sister’s.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And just like random things. At the bridal shower there’s this thing where you take the ribbons from all of the gifts people gave you and tie it around a paper plate and then that’s the pretend bouquet for your rehearsal. 

SARAH: Oh. 

KAYLA: But like – 

SARAH: There’s also weird games at the bridal shower.

KAYLA: Yeah, we did some trivia games. Those were pretty fun. 

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: The amount of tradition behind “okay this is the person who walks these people down the aisle”

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: And “these are the first people to leave the ceremony after it’s over, and this is the order that the reception goes in”

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: There’s so much stuff that everyone just I guess knows, but like… 

SARAH: Right.

KAYLA: Why?

SARAH: Or really traditional things that may have been normal, for example when my parents got married –

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: – they didn’t bat an eye at, but now people are like “do we have to do that?”

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: That’s been a discussion that my sister and her fiancee have had. Like “what of the traditional wedding things do we even want to do. Because it’s our wedding, we can do whatever the fuck we want”

KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like my wedding is going to end up losing a good amount of that kind of stuff.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Because it’s just like, why?

SARAH: Yeah, something my cousin did that I really liked was they did the first dance with the dad of the bride and the mom of the – 

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: – groom. I think they might’ve also done a mom/bride dad/groom one, but they did it so that it was just – because usually it’s just them. 

KAYLA: Mhm. 

SARAH: For the whole song.

KAYLA: It’s very awkward to watch. 

SARAH: And you’re all just watching. Especially when they do first dance with the newly married people and then the mother, and it’s just like all in a row. You’ve already eaten dinner. You’re just like…

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: …when can the party start? So what my cousin did for her wedding is they had a father/daughter dance and it was just her and her dad for the first like 45 seconds to a minute and then after that they were like “okay, if there are any other fathers and daughters who want to”

KAYLA: Oh, that’s cute. 

SARAH: Yeah. So they did that for all of the different combinations so that they weren’t being stared at the entire time.

KAYLA: Yeah, my friend whose wedding I was at a couple of months ago, all of their dances were very short because she does not like being looked at.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: So at the very end of the last one, it only lasted a little bit, and then they quickly changed the song and they were like “everyone join in!” because she does – 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: I like that idea though, that’s super cute. Or you could honestly just do the bride/dad groom/mom at the same time. 

SARAH: I’ve heard of people doing that at the same time, yeah. 

KAYLA: Because then you split the attention. Here’s the two things – one is weird, one it feels less weird to me. The garter.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: And the throwing of the bouquet.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: So for those of you who, I guess I don’t know if they have that kind of thing in weddings in other countries, but this whole – 

(20:00)

SARAH: I mean weddings honestly, they differ a lot between cultures, or they can.

KAYLA: Yeah. I feel like this is going to be confusing to people not in America, and I’m sorry. 

SARAH: Or not in Western countries. I think this is a pretty common thing in Western countries, generally. 

KAYLA: If you don’t have weddings like this or haven’t been to one like this –

SARAH: Consider yourself lucky. 

KAYLA: – I’m sorry. Also, yeah. Other cultures’ weddings are like…

SARAH: Regarding the garter thing, consider yourself lucky. 

KAYLA: Yeah, that, but like other cultures’ weddings are just… like Indian weddings?

SARAH: That’s what I was just thinking. I have never been to an Indian wedding, but they seem wonderful.

KAYLA: I told our friend Asrita the only reason that I want her to get married – I was like “I don’t care if you get married or not, that’s none of my business. The only reason I want you to get married is because then I get to go to an Indian wedding and you get to dress me up, and that sounds fun”

SARAH: Mhm. Yeah. 

KAYLA: Anyway. 

SARAH: It’s like a good excuse to have henna/mehendi/whatever you want to call it. 

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: When you’re not an Indian person or you’re not a South Asian person and you’re not weird about it?

KAYLA: That’s very true. That’s why sometimes Asrita does henna for me because she just likes doing it and I don’t feel weird about it because she did it. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: And she said it was okay. 

SARAH: And she said it was okay. 

KAYLA: And she wanted it. Anyway. So the garter thing – we can start with the bouquet thing, because that’s the one I feel less weird about. 

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: So the bride has the biggest bouquet or whatever, and she walks down the aisle with it and you take pictures with it, whatever. And so during the reception, which is the party and the dinner after the ceremony, all of the single/not-married women.

SARAH: (singing) All the single ladies, all the single ladies. 

KAYLA: Yes. They –

SARAH: Put your hands up!

KAYLA: My sister and her husband, they had a remix version of “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” it was a good time. Anyway, so the bride throws the bouquet backwards over her head and then someone in the crowd catches it and whoever catches it is like “oh, you’re going to be next”

SARAH: Yeah, you’re the next one to get married. 

KAYLA: Yeah. So it’s not as bad as what we’ll get to, which is the garter thing.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: But it is very presumptuous of all women want to get married.

SARAH: Yeah, why don’t the men do that, huh? 

KAYLA: I know. I feel like at my wedding – because it does sound fun to throw the flowers

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: I would make everyone who’s single and interested in getting married.

SARAH: Yeah. How about all the bros have to bro it like rugby style?

KAYLA: See, that would be fun. 

SARAH: That would be fun. It would be embracing more stereotypes, but I think it would be funny. 

KAYLA: Maybe I’ll do like a – I don’t know, because I feel like throwing it is still fun, but I want a different reason to throw it. 

SARAH: It gets better. Okay, all the people who are interested, it’s rugby style.

KAYLA: Mhm. 

SARAH: But they amongst themselves pick a person who they want to win, because you know how in rugby you pick people up?

KAYLA: Mhm. 

SARAH: To catch. They do that. 

KAYLA: Uh huh. 

SARAH: That’s all. 

KAYLA: Okay. 

SARAH: Thank you. 

KAYLA: Well if anyone has any ideas of other reasons I could throw my bouquet, let me know.

SARAH: For fun. It just sounds fun. 

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: Whoever catches it wins a prize. 

KAYLA: That would be fun. 

SARAH: The prize is your everlasting love. 

KAYLA: So true. Okay, so the garter thing. I’m not as familiar with this because I only remember being to one wedding where it happened.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And it happened really bad. 

SARAH: Mm. 

KAYLA: I’ll get into this. What I believe it is is the bride wears a garter under her dress. Garters used to be used to hold up stockings. Now they’re just for –

SARAH: Just a thing that wraps around

KAYLA: … there? 

SARAH: Your thigh. 

KAYLA: Yeah. My mom crocheted my sister one. They didn’t do the garter thing, but she still crocheted her one. It was cute. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And so I forget who – is it the groom? Or some random man?

SARAH: No, it’s the groom, because they just got married. 

KAYLA: Okay, I’m unsure, but some man –

SARAH: It’s the groom. 

KAYLA: Okay well hold on, because I have a story to tell you. Some man, maybe the groom, goes up the bride’s skirt and takes the garter off, and sometimes they’ll do it with their teeth? 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: And it’s very sexual. I once went to a wedding where they made a child do it.

SARAH: (noise of surprise/shock)

KAYLA: And it was incredibly uncomfortable. 

SARAH: What was the relation to the child? What was the bride’s relationship to the child? 

KAYLA: I don’t remember. It was a little boy child. 

SARAH: That’s really weird. 

KAYLA: Okay. The garter toss. “The groom will remove the garter from under the bride’s gown and toss it to the crowd” Okay. “And whoever catches it is believed to be married next.” So I don’t know what happened at this wedding where they were like choosing someone from the crowd? 

(25:00)

SARAH: I hate that. 

KAYLA: But somehow they chose a child, and it was really bad.  

SARAH: That’s like the most sexual traditional part of a wedding. 

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: And they gave it to a child. 

KAYLA: No, yeah. It is the most uncomfortable, and I think it’s the one people have stopped doing the most.

SARAH: The most, yeah. 

KAYLA: Because it’s supposed to be this very sexy thing. The bride sits in the chair and the guy slowly goes up and gets it with his hands 

SARAH: They’ve never had sex before

KAYLA: Right. 

SARAH: And it’s a new thing.

KAYLA: And everyone is like “woah oh oh!”

SARAH: And everyone just watches.

KAYLA: Yeah. Well, that one: no. 

SARAH: Hate that. Hate that so much. 

KAYLA: What are your thoughts on the clinking glasses tradition?

SARAH: I did not know about this until –

KAYLA: Really? 

SARAH: – I wouldn’t say recently, it was a couple years ago, but like I went a lot of my life not realizing this was a thing. 

KAYLA: You’ve been to a lot of weddings. 

SARAH: I have, so the clinking glasses thing is if you clink a little silverware against your glass and it goes ding ding ding ding ding, and every time you do that – 

KAYLA: At the reception. 

SARAH: At the reception. When you do that, the married couple has to kiss. I think it’s maybe fine the first time, but after that, stop. 

KAYLA: Yeah. The thing that happened at my sister’s is that their friends kept doing it just to fuck with them.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Because they knew they were trying to just eat. 

SARAH: Hey, on your wedding day, it’s hard to eat. They should’ve let them eat. 

KAYLA: No, my sister, they went slightly out of the normal order for their reception. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Because my sister was like “I always hear that brides can’t eat, so I wanted to eat first”

SARAH: Mm.

KAYLA: So we ate before anything else because she was like “I need to eat”

SARAH: Amazing. 

KAYLA: But my uncle came up – people kept doing it – and my uncle came up and he said “I have advice. At my wedding, there was this one lady who wouldn’t stop clinking her glass. So eventually we went to her table and I kissed her instead”

(laughter)

KAYLA: (laughing) So that she would stop. So at one point my sister and her husband went to their friends’ table, and leaned over their table and kissed right in front of them like “is this what you wanted?”

SARAH: (whispering) is this what you wanted? (normal voice) That’s funny. I mean I think it’s fine the first time, but after that, no, stop.

KAYLA: Yeah. Dean told me “the one thing I’ve learned is that at our wedding we’re having plastic cups”

(laughter)

KAYLA: Oh, it was funny. 

SARAH: Also in my, I guess you wouldn’t be singing “Happy birthday” at a wedding, would you?

KAYLA: I think you should. I think you should before you cut the cake. I think there should be 

SARAH: (to the tune of “Happy birthday”) Happy wedding to you!

KAYLA: There should be candles on a wedding cake, because the thing you do with a wedding cake is you’re supposed to cut it and feed it to each other. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: And some people are like – ooh, okay. Some people smush it in each other’s faces. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: The best man at my sister’s wedding told me of a statistic that couples who decide before the reception “we’re not going to smush it in each other’s faces” but then one of them betrays the other and does smush it anyway.

SARAH: They’re getting a divorce. 

KAYLA: They have a higher divorce rate. 

SARAH: I believe it.

KAYLA: Compared to couples who decide they’re going to smush it and do. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Or decide they’re not going to and they stick to their word and they don’t. Isn’t that funny?

SARAH: I believe that. I absolutely believe that. 

KAYLA: But I think there should be candles on the wedding cake that you blow out! Like it’s no fun that you just cut it and that’s it. Who wants that? You should sing “happy birthday”. 

SARAH: Yeah, I was going to say in my family, before “happy birthday” is sung, my grandpa would always have to find a glass and utensil and he would ding the utensil against the glass as a way of being like “ah, we’re tuning” but the joke is that in my family, we sing “happy birthday” as out of tune and awful as possible. 

KAYLA: Yes, my family does this as well.

SARAH: Like, everyone is at different tempos, sing random notes, they’re always someone who’s like (vaguely musical) “Happyyyyyyyyy” and they just stay there for a really long time. The point is for it to be as ugly as possible. And loud. 

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: As loud as possible. 

KAYLA: I think there should be a wedding birthday song. 

SARAH: Yeah, and so my grandpa would always ding it to tune right before we all sang horribly out of tune, and so now, he has died, but someone always does that. But there isn’t always a glass, so sometimes we just whacking something against like (tapping sound) 

KAYLA: You got to make do. 

SARAH: But I think that should – People will do that also before they speak to get people’s attention and so I think do that, sing the wedding song. 

(30:00)

SARAH: What is the wedding song? (singing to the tune of “Happy Birthday”) Happy wedding to you!

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: (singing) Happy wedding to you! Happy wedding dear first name and second name and third name and fourth name! Happy wedding to you! 

(laughter)

KAYLA: I think that’s perfect.

SARAH: Great. All right, so that’s sorted.  

KAYLA: Yes. I’m trying to think of what else. Something – it didn’t really happen at my sister’s wedding like at all, but something I’ve noticed at other weddings is that there’s always talk and jokes of when they’re going to have kids.

SARAH: Mm. 

KAYLA: Or talking about how they’re immediately going to have kids, or the pressure to have kids.

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: At my sister’s wedding though, I was kind of preparing myself for people to be like “oh when are you getting married?”

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Or “blah blah blah” but no one said it. In fact, I had several family members be like “nah you don’t even need to get married. Who cares?” and I was like “Oh, new, all right”

SARAH: New and exciting. 

KAYLA: I got asked about my book. I was never asked about when I was getting married.

SARAH: Hell yeah. Hell yeah!

KAYLA: We love a professional woman. 

SARAH: I think this is in part because about half of the weddings I have been to have been queer weddings, and so they have not embraced all of the expectations and stereotypes. Like when my one cousin got wedding –

(laughter)

KAYLA: (laughing) Oh. 

SARAH: When my one cousin got married. Because usually it’s like oh, the bride’s family sits on one side and the groom’s family sits on one. 

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: For the wedding itself, for the ceremony. And I remember they had a sign that was like “Pick a seat, not a side, either way it’s for the bride”

KAYLA: Mm, that’s funny. 

SARAH: And I was like “nice, good”. I don’t want to – what if you’re equally close to both of them? You just sit in the middle of the aisle. 

KAYLA: It would be funny to do one that’s like “bride, other bride” and –

SARAH: (laughing) Other bride.

KAYLA: – you don’t know which one

SARAH: You have to figure out which one is which.

KAYLA: You have to decide. Yeah, my sister didn’t do that. I think that’s, like I get it, I guess.

SARAH: Yeah

KAYLA: But seems like a lot of work.

SARAH: Or like when my godfather got married – gay wedding – he already had a child.

KAYLA: Mm.

SARAH: So people weren’t like “oh, when are you having kids?” because –

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: There was like a 5 year old running around.

KAYLA: There already was one.

SARAH: And she was actually a part of the ceremony.

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: Which was cute. And I don’t remember if his husband had formally adopted her then or if it was after, but that just was a whole other thing, so it’s an entirely different family dynamic. 

KAYLA: Yeah. I was just thinking about the ceremony.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: So my sister – The bridesmaid who was the other queer person was actually the officiant. So it was funny because there was just this tattooed queer person who was officiating the wedding. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: And she like wrote the ceremony herself, so it was very nice.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And there was nothing weird or misogynistic in it, but I remember going to Catholic weddings. 

SARAH: Oh yeah. 

KAYLA: A couple times. And first of all –

SARAH: So long. First of all.

KAYLA: It’s so long. Because there’s a full –

SARAH: Stand up, sit down. Stand up, sit down.

KAYLA: It’s a full Catholic church with a wedding added. 

SARAH: Yeah, it’s like full mass plus wedding. 

KAYLA: Yeah. It’s so long and boring.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: My sister thought briefly about doing one, and I was like “please don’t make me stand through that I will pass out” and then she didn’t. I remember the last –

SARAH: (laughing) I don’t think the Catholic church would let my sister have a Catholic wedding. 

KAYLA: I do not think so. I do not think they would allow that. 

SARAH: Oops. 

KAYLA: It was a while ago, the last Catholic wedding I went to.

SARAH: I’ve only been to one, and it was like 10 years ago.

KAYLA: Yeah. Because they do like readings at masses. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: From the Bible or whatever. And they do specific passages about love or marriage. 

SARAH: They do wedding readings, yeah. 

KAYLA: Yeah, for the one I was at. And I remember them being so misogynistic about the wife serving the husband. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And all this really weird – I was like, I would never want this said at my 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: During the ceremony?

SARAH: No. 

KAYLA: That is insane. 

SARAH: Yeah. And it’s been interesting to see how, because there’s the traditional wedding ceremony, things the officiant says, there’s the standard and then you can change that however you want. It has been interesting seeing how different people have approached changing different things.

KAYLA: Mhm. 

SARAH: And what they have chosen to change it to. I mean, obviously for queer weddings the whole “you may kiss the bride” but also even for just straight woke weddings. 

(35:00)

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: People are just like, “so…”

KAYLA: Just kiss. 

SARAH: You may kiss one another, you may –

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: You know, just the different ways that has been approached. For my sister, I believe this is what she’s doing. She’s heard it’s common in queer weddings. She’s having both my parents walk her down the aisle.

KAYLA: That’s sweet. 

SARAH: Because…

KAYLA: Because usually it’s just the dad. 

SARAH: Usually it’s just the dad like “giving the daughter away. Here”

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: “give me my dowry”

KAYLA: I made that joke at the rehearsal. When my dad was walking my sister down the aisle or whatever, and I made a joke about that because he was shaking her husband’s hand or something and I was like…

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: “yes here are your 12 goats” and everyone thought it was very funny. I felt so funny. 

(laughter)

SARAH: I’m so happy for you. 

KAYLA: Thank you. 

SARAH: But yeah, I think it’s not just a queer thing but it’s probably going to become common. I’ve also heard of people, or I’ve seen videos of people where they have a father and a stepfather.

KAYLA: Mm. 

SARAH: And they will have both of them walk them down the aisle or I saw one recently where the girl’s dad was walking her down the aisle, and then they stopped when they got to where her stepfather was in the audience and she was like “get up, you’re coming too”

KAYLA: Aww, that’s sweet. 

SARAH: Yeah. It was nice.

KAYLA: Yeah. The reception, I feel like, has been slower to change than the ceremony. Because I think –

SARAH: Because it’s less overt. 

KAYLA: Yes. I also think because everyone used to get married in a church.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: it seems like? And now that people are moving away from that there’s just more room for customization I guess.

SARAH: Yeah, doing whatever you fucking want. 

KAYLA: Yeah. And ceremonies are so short now. 

SARAH: Oh yeah. 

KAYLA: it’s funny because that’s like the main part of the wedding but it’s like 20 minutes. 

SARAH: 20 minutes. 

KAYLA: And everyone is like “great. I loved it” because no one wants to just stand there. 

SARAH: And then they’ll be like “yeah we’re timing it to the sunset, so”

KAYLA: (laughing) Yeah. We have pictures to take. 

SARAH: And then you like mill about for a while while they take pictures and then you eat. (laughing) and then you party. 

KAYLA: I was so sad, I had to miss like most of cocktail hour because I was taking family pictures, and I couldn’t eat all the food. It was so sad. 

SARAH: Mm. See, that’s not a problem for me. I don’t drink, and most foods scare me. 

KAYLA: It wasn’t even – oh that’s right, the food. I was like “you don’t have to drink”

SARAH: Yeah but most food scares me. 

KAYLA: It was funny though. Dean was with me, obviously, and my parents were working him the whole day. He was like setting stuff up with my dad, and it was a whole thing. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And during family pictures they sent him to go get food for the family. And like in between pictures he ran up to Rachel, and Donald, her husband, and was like “cheese? Cheese?” and she said “no” and he was like “why did I do this” and then I ate the cheese. 

SARAH: But also, say cheese for the picture. 

KAYLA: Soooo true. 

SARAH: Here’s a question: for family pictures. Can fiances be in the family pictures, or do they have to be married?

KAYLA: I think fiances can be in the pictures. Dean was in several family pictures. 

SARAH: Yeah, because some people will like –

KAYLA: I think we did versions with and without Dean, I think. 

SARAH: Yeah, that’s always a good call. Because you know, you never know what’s going to happen with relationships. 

KAYLA: Yes, exactly. 

SARAH: Even if you’re married, you could get divorced, but at least your relationship was legally binding. 

KAYLA: True. 

SARAH: And I feel like that just feels different in terms of “my ex-husband is in this photo”

KAYLA: Right.

SARAH: Versus “my ex-boyfriend, my ex-girlfriend”, you know what I mean?

KAYLA: Yeah. I’ve seen a lot of photographers say that they always keep significant others to the outside.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA:  So they’re easily cropped or photoshopped out. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: And I’ve seen a good amount of TikToks of photographers photoshopping people out of wedding photos, it’s very funny. 

SARAH: My family, I think if you’re engaged you can be in the pictures, but you can’t be in the family Facebook group until you’re married. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Wow, and that’s the reason to get legally married. Not for the health benefits. 

SARAH: Unless you’re Miranda, because Miranda is in the family Facebook group. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Is she really? 

SARAH: Yeah, she has been for years. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Why?

SARAH: Because she started going to my family’s family events without me because I moved to California. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Ah, that’s very funny.

SARAH: And she needed to know –

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: She has gone to many events that I have not gone to. She went to Easter this year. 

KAYLA: That’s very funny. 

SARAH: When I decided to come home for the 4th of July this year, I was like “oh, you’re coming to the 4th of July with me” and she was like “I mean, yeah, I was going to go anyway even if you weren’t there”

(laughter)

KAYLA: I love that. 

SARAH: So, final thoughts on weddings. 

KAYLA: I mean, I like them. We’re both fans of weddings. 

SARAH: Yeah. I’ve said it before on this podcast, but I really like weddings.

(40:00)

SARAH:  Which seems counterintuitive as an aroace who doesn’t want to pursue a relationship that ends in a wedding. I guess “begins in a wedding”, but fuck all of the normative, stupid traditional stuff. I like the fact that it is just a celebration of these people, and it’s the one time in your life you can get everyone in one spot, and you can guilt people into coming. 

KAYLA: Yeah, that was my big takeaway from my sister’s wedding. I was kind of looking around the room and I was like “these are all the people who are closest to my sister” when would you ever be able to get this – and her husband, obviously – this group of people together. Like my cousins from Florida, and people from all over. 

SARAH: Exactly. 

KAYLA: We’ve talked about a lot of the bad things, but there are a lot of good things about weddings. 

SARAH: I will never have that experience of getting everyone, or almost everyone in one spot. Or if I do I will have to say “this event is in place of the wedding I won’t have”

(laughter)

KAYLA: It’s like your adult…

SARAH: You will show up. If you don’t show up – quinceanera?  

KAYLA: Yes, or your adult bat mitzvah 

SARAH: You will show up. If you don’t show up, you better have a good fucking reason.

KAYLA: Exactly. I do want you to have some event –

SARAH: I did decide that on the off chance I ever get nominated for an Emmy…

KAYLA: Mm. 

SARAH: I will be wearing a wedding dress to the Emmys.

KAYLA: As you must. It would be so funny. 

SARAH: Because I love wedding dresses. I think they’re great. I will never have a real opportunity to wear one, but if I get nominated for a fun, cool award…

KAYLA: I think even if you don’t. If you go to the Emmys for some reason.

SARAH: Yeah that’s fair. That’s far more likely. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Yeah. I feel like you’re bound to go to the Emmys at some point for some reason. 

SARAH: For some reason. 

KAYLA: Yeah that’s all I have. Like I said, we talked about a lot of the weird tradition stuff. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: But weddings are a really lovely time. 

SARAH: I really like weddings. 

KAYLA: Yeah. It’s celebrating twoimportant people in your life, it’s getting to see a bunch of people you’re close to, it’s like having a little party. 

SARAH: It’s a good time to say all the things you wouldn’t say at any other time.

KAYLA: That’s true. 

SARAH: Because it’s like, you know, you’re starting a new chapter in your life and it makes you reflect, I think.

KAYLA: It does. Yeah, you’re right. It’s a reason to be sentimental to someone, or tell them how much you appreciate them.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: Or really just like celebrate them. Like a birthday I guess, but people don’t usually get that sentimental for a birthday. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: So it’s one of the bigger moments to celebrate someone.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Which like, you know, it shouldn’t be one of the only times. That’s one of the things that sucks about weddings is that it is seen as a huge life event that everyone should have, and there isn’t really a replacement event for people who don’t have that. 

SARAH: And that’s why I’m wearing a wedding dress to an awards show. 

KAYLA: Exactly. 

SARAH: You know for people who get married more than once, often the second wedding the third wedding will be far less big. People won’t feel as obligated to come, so really you get your one shot. 

KAYLA: Yeah because it’s supposed to be – that’s another weird thing is it’s supposed to be the “happiest day of your life” or whatever. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: I don’t necessarily know that that’s true, but –

SARAH: The hungriest day of your life, maybe. You never get a fucking chance to eat because you gotta talk to people –

KAYLA: Maybe the most stressful day of your life. 

SARAH: (blows raspberry), yeah. 

KAYLA: To be honest. Anyway, that’s all. 

SARAH: Anyway, yeah. I think weddings are cool, but a lot of the traditions from them are (blows raspberry) 

KAYLA: So true. 

SARAH: Kayla? 

KAYLA: Yes?

SARAH: What is our poll for this week?

KAYLA: Should it be like, do you like weddings? Or do you want to have a wedding?

SARAH: Yeah. What are your – I mean, I feel like this would be an interesting one to be open ended. 

KAYLA: Just like, what are your thoughts on weddings?

SARAH: Yeah, what are your thoughts on weddings?

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: I’m just curious to see what people think. Maybe they’re like me, like I don’t anticipate ever having a wedding, but I like weddings or maybe they’re at that point in their 20s where they have to go to like 5 weddings a year. 

KAYLA: (laughing) True. 

SARAH: And they’re sick of them. And they’re like “guys fucking stop” 

KAYLA: Yes. I am not there yet, but I do fear that day. 

SARAH: Yeah. My best friend from high school works in event planning, and I think she has started doing more weddings, and she loves doing it.

KAYLA: It does sound super fun, to be a wedding coordinator. Stressful, but fun.

(45:00)

SARAH: In theory it sounds fun, but I don’t know that in practice it would be fun.

KAYLA: I think you would hate it. 

SARAH: But maybe that’s just the me of it all. I would hate it. Because also, how much creative control do you really have? Not that much. 

KAYLA: Oh, no. It’s more of an organization thing, I think. 

SARAH: You’re at the whim of – I can’t organize. 

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: Fuck that shit. 

KAYLA: I know. Exactly. 

SARAH: This is why I’m not going to be solely organizing the bachelorette party. Okay, cool. Kayla, what is your beef and your juice for this week? 

KAYLA: My beef is that it’s going to be 90 degrees this weekend, which is really hot. And we did just by a window air –

SARAH: Oh, you don’t have AC.

KAYLA: No. Yeah, we don’t have AC. We just bought a window AC unit, and we’re going to try to install it tomorrow, but I am fearful. 

SARAH: Mm. 

KAYLA: Hopefully it doesn’t suck. My juice – I feel like I have several juices. My sister’s wedding. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: It was great. It was lovely. I won $100 for saying the word “gabagool” in my maid of honor speech.

SARAH: Oh my god. 

KAYLA: Because my friend bet me to do it, and I did it.

SARAH: In what context did you say it?

KAYLA: I said something was a “load of gabagool”

SARAH: Good. Excellent. 

KAYLA: He is going to give me the $100 in pennies, so basically I won nothing, because they’re just going to sit there. But also I don’t know that he is, because there’s no way a bank is going to do that. 

SARAH: No, what you won is a pain in the ass. 

KAYLA: Yes, exactly. And he lost $100.

SARAH: A pile of useless, useless pieces of metal. 

KAYLA: Exactly, but I also don’t believe a bank is going to give him $100 in pennies. There’s no way. So I don’t think it’s going to happen.

SARAH: That’s 100,000 coins. 

KAYLA: I know. 

SARAH: I did that math really fast in my head. Please be proud of me. 

KAYLA: You’re so smart. My other juice is I went to a pole fitness class, like a pole dancing class. 

SARAH: You did?

KAYLA: I did, and it’s at this queer, sex worker, stripper-owned place, in Boston obviously.

SARAH: Uh huh. 

KAYLA: And it’s like super body positive. It was a really small space, but the instructor was super nice, it was really fun. I went with our friend Asrita. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: But it was just a really fun way to work out, and I’ll probably go back.

SARAH: That’s awesome. 

KAYLA: It was really cool. 

SARAH: Here’s my thing with that: I think it’s interesting, and I think it would be cool to try. My fear is I feel like a lot of times it’s so much about reclaiming female sexuality, and that is not something that is in my wheelhouse. 

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: I would feel weird about it. What was your experience like? 

KAYLA: Yeah, we didn’t do like a lot of sensual stuff. Because it was just an intro class. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: And we were just learning the basics.

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: But I did find the parts that did come up, I did feel a little awkward.

SARAH: Yeah. And I know part of it is like pushing through the awkwardness.

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: And just being like “all right, cool,” but I think for me there’s a certain point that I’m no longer comfortable with it

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: Not because I’m just being resistant, but because I’m literally a sex-averse asexual, you know what I mean? 

KAYLA: Yeah. For me I feel like it was less of that and more just the embarrassment of if I did it wrong. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: Or like if I was trying to be sexy and it didn’t work, I would like feel stupid. 

SARAH: (laughing) You don’t want to do sensuality wrong. 

KAYLA: Exactly. It was also hard for me because I have a background in mostly tap dance, which is very rigid. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And this is very flowy, so I had a hard time with that, but –

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: It was really fun, and the studio has classes specifically, it’s called “sensual flow” 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: And it’s more dance based rather than trick based. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: So they keep them semi-separate. And at least at this studio, because it’s a queer space I feel like if you told them “that makes me uncomfortable” they wouldn’t care.

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: But at other studios I’m sure it’s different. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: We had a good time. I think I’m going to go back, so. 

SARAH: Cool. 

KAYLA: It was cool. My last juice is that I played volleyball with some friends today in the park, and we used a weird metal barrier as the net, which we shouldn’t have done, and at one point the volleyball went into the road, but the road was an offramp for a highway, so there was a lot going on, and Jared had to stop traffic and get it, and not a minute later our friend Perry fell over the barrier and they and the barrier did go on the ground, and I almost vomited because I was laughing so hard.

(laughter)

SARAH: Great. 

KAYLA: And it was incredible. Those are my juices. 

SARAH: Good. My beef is that I had something in my head but I didn’t write it down. 

KAYLA: Mm. 

SARAH: And now I don’t know what it was. This is what I get. 

KAYLA: Mhm. 

SARAH: It was something to do with

(50:00)

SARAH:  the many, many voice memos that I was sending you on my drive home. 

KAYLA: Was it? I know someone cut you off at one point. 

SARAH: That was –

KAYLA: Was it that you’re not good at holding an accent?

SARAH: Oh my god. Correct!

KAYLA: (laughing) I did it! I did it!

SARAH: (laughing) Kayla figured out my juice based off of the unhinged voice memos I sent her when I was driving home from work. 

KAYLA: We are so connected. I’ve never smelled smarter in my life. 

SARAH: (laughing) You’ve never smelled smarter?

KAYLA: Exactly, yes. 

SARAH: What are you smelling? 

KAYLA: If you were to smell me right now, you’d be like “that’s so smart”

SARAH: (laughing) That smells smart. Here’s the thing. As a youth, I could do a British accent. It was very Emma Watson. 

KAYLA: Mm 

SARAH: Because that’s who I learned it from and then in the lord’s year 2012, which was 10 years ago now. Strange, the passage of time. I saw the movie Brave. I walked into the movie Brave not being able to do a Scottish accent. I walked out of the movie Brave being able to do a Scottish accent because my brain was still young and malleable. 

(laughter)

SARAH: As I have gotten older, I have picked up more accents, but my problem now is that because I am okay at a bunch of accents, is that I can no longer stay in one. 

KAYLA: She really do be switching. 

SARAH: Like, as a child, I would just do a British accent, or I would just do a Scottish accent, and now I’m like –

KAYLA: I got a voice message with, I think, 4 different accents. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: You just kept slipping in and out of them. 

SARAH: Yeah, Irish and Scottish are really easy to kind of conflate, but sometimes it just goes Aussie, even though no American can do a good Aussie accent. 

KAYLA: No. 

SARAH: And I recognize that. And I know that mine is not good. There are only certain words that I can say, but sometimes it just happens, and sometimes it turns into this weird Eastern European something? And then I cannot stick to a single British accent anymore, it usually ends up turning Scottish or Irish. It’s pretty sad, because I like to speak in accents randomly just for fun, and I can’t stay in one anymore. 

KAYLA: I will pray for you. 

SARAH: Thank you. My juice is – thinking very hard. 

KAYLA: Mhm. 

(laughter)

SARAH: My juice is I was quite productive today. You know, I have been able to do some fun, creative things at work recently that I have probably spent too much time on.

KAYLA: (laughing) You certainly have. 

SARAH: But that I have gotten invested in, and I sent them to the writer today, and if he doesn’t like them, I will cry. 

KAYLA: I mean, they look great. I would love them if I were the writer. 

SARAH: It’s for a pitch deck for a series that we’re pitching. So like a powerpoint to go along with the talk. 

KAYLA: Graphic design is her passion. 

SARAH: (laughing) It is my passion. One of them I literally, I sent them in the email today and was like “look I spent a lot of time on this, I’m very proud of it. If you don’t like it please be honest with me, but you have to let me down gently”

(laughter)

SARAH: I was like “please let me down gently, and I will hold a funeral for these images”

KAYLA: (laughing) Oh my god. You can put them through the shredder.

SARAH: Yeah, for the loved ones –

KAYLA: Slowly. 

SARAH: – of these images. And I was like “Mostly me, but anyone else is invited.” 

KAYLA: My god. Did you send this in the email to the writer? 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: I love your professional emails. 

SARAH: Listen, if my boss were on the email, I would not have said that, but he wasn’t. 

KAYLA: That’s fair. 

SARAH: Anyway, that’s my beef and my juice. You can tell us about your beef and your juice, you can find our poll at some point on our social media @soundsfakepod. If you would like to support us on Patreon, you can do that. I was about to say for free, but that defeats the purpose. 

KAYLA: Literally against the point. 

SARAH: We have 2 new $2 patrons.  Nope, we have 1 new $2 patron, and it is Morgan. Thank you, Morgan. 

KAYLA: Thank you. 

SARAH: We have a new $5 patron, Adam Klager? Klah-ger? I’m thinking Klay-ger. But maybe not. Our other $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are green_sarah, H. Valdis, Hadas Drukker, Jackie Rubashkin, and Jacob Webber. (sing-song) Thank you to all of you for your support. 

KAYLA: The song!

SARAH: Yeah! Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are David Jay who would like to promote Emergent Strategy by Adrienne Marie Brown, David Nurse who would like to promote sweaters staying where you thought they were, Derek and Carissa who would like to promote the overthrow of heteronormativity especially in the context of weddings, Cinnamon Toast Punch who would like to promote rainy walks with friends and splashing in puddles. 

(55:00)

SARAH: My question is, if you are cinnamon toast punch, wouldn’t that get soggy? 

KAYLA: Maybe it’s the other type of punch. 

SARAH: Right, but the cinnamon toast, you know? 

KAYLA: What if you punch someone? 

SARAH: What if you put punch in cinnamon toast crunch? 

KAYLA: Probably nasty. Who would do that?

(laughter)

SARAH: And my Aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher’s Haven. Our other $10 patrons are Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Changeling and Alex the Ace Cat, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Maggie, Potater, Purple Hayes, Rosie Costello, Barefoot Backpacker, and The Steve. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum podcast, Click4caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell – love to have you back Dia, thanks for joining the party again – who would like to promote Realm of Divinos, it is a kickstarter for a game that Dia’s friends are trying to make, so that’s pretty sick. Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person. Leila who would like to promote love is love also applying to aro people, Nathaniel White who would like to promote nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, Kayla’s aunt Nina Maggart who would like to promote @katemaggart.art, last week I did say –

KAYLA: My cousin Katie did a chalkboard drawing for the wedding.

SARAH: Ooh. 

KAYLA: There was a chalkboard in the cocktail hour, and it was very good. 

SARAH: Well last week, I did refer to your cousin as @kaylamaggart art or something. 

KAYLA: You know, I heard you say that. 

SARAH: Or something wrong. 

KAYLA: Yeah. You did, and I picked up on it as we were recording, but you were on your little roll, so I didn’t say anything. 

SARAH: (laughing) I noticed it when I was editing. I was like “I could fix that, but I won’t”

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: And Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck, Merry Christmas from your parents, and Dragonfly who would like to promote wings that you can see through, much like the wings of a dragonfly. Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears. 

KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows!

(57:13)