Hey what's up hello! It's our most chaotic episode yet. This week we share all of the thing that are way cooler than sex and romance. Beware, this episode also contains missing audio chaos.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/sure-sex-is-cool
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! It's our most chaotic episode yet. This week we share all of the thing that are way cooler than sex and romance. Beware, this episode also contains missing audio chaos.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/sure-sex-is-cool
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA:… and a demisexual girl (that’s me, Kayla)
SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: having sex .
ALL: — Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: M’y love is a battlefield? Is that how—do they say “my love is a battlefield?” is that even a line?
SARAH: I don’t know if it’s my love or if it’s just “love is a battlefield.”
KAYLA: Well I’m writing a new song called My Love is a Battlefield so.
SARAH: Okay. Stay tuned for that guys.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Before we dive in do we have any housekeeping this week?
KAYLA: I want to tell people of something they should do. And that is to follow the Instagram account @dearlukeloveme. It is a film that is attempting to be made that is about asexual people. It’s not about asexuality, it’s just a film where the characters are asexual but it’s a love, romance—you know. It’s going to be good.
SARAH: It’s a movie!
KAYLA: It’s a movie! They’re trying to get to 10,000 followers before they launch their Kickstarter in August. And so, you should follow them on their Instagram. It’s very aesthetic, all the pictures are beautiful. The movie is probably going to be very beautiful.
SARAH: I was looking at the crew and who is involved and I was like “oh shit, this is legit as hell.”
KAYLA: Yeah the people are legit and diverse and aspec a lot of them. It seems like it will be really amazing and I hope that they can get this made. So, follow the account, keep an eye on it and give them money in August.
SARAH: Making movies is really fucking expensive.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: So expensive.
KAYLA: And maybe one day, you’ll hear more from them. In your ears.
SARAH: May happen. Also you heard it in our lil pretty lil ad—unless you’re listening this really far in the future, in which case don’t worry about it, but for our book that you may or may not know that we are writing, we are looking for some people to talk about things like kink and sex and relationships and aspec family structures that we don’t have as much experience with so if you would like to be a part of that and maybe even end up in our book, Kayla hit them with the tiny url again.
KAYLA: It is tinyurl.com/sfbosurvey. I need to check if you need to capitalize those, hold on.
SARAH: You don’t have to capitalize it if it doesn’t float your boat. Anyway, yeah.
KAYLA: Do it, fill it out, and you might be in our book. Or just, share it if you don’t feel comfortable answering the questions and sharing your thoughts.
SARAH: Yeah. Not everyone who fills it out will be in the book, to be clear.
KAYLA: That would be impossible.
SARAH: We’ve got a lot of responses so far but we want more—we want a diversity of opinions, and stances, and people, so we’re not just telling our story, cause that would be boring.
KAYLA: Mmhmm.
SARAH: Great!
KAYLA: Also exciting about our book, Cody, who is Ace Dad Advice, he’s also getting published by our publishers and it’s going to come out I think in the same year ours does so we have another book sibling, cause there’s already “How to be Ace” from JKP so now we’re building a little family of ace publishers being published by JKP.
SARAH: A little aspec family, which you can read more about aspec family structures in our book, coming out in 2023.
KAYLA: 2023.
SARAH: Anyway. Great. So, Kayla what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, we are doing a meme. The meme is, “Sure sex is cool but…”
(5:00)
SARAH: But have you ever fill in the blank thing. And for me I’m applying this to both sex and romance. Because I don’t do either of them. So.
KAYLA: Okay. I do both sex and romance. So I don’t know what I’m applying this to.
SARAH: It depends on your feelings about what the thing you’re saying is.
KAYLA: Yeah. Some of these things are better than sex and also maybe I’m just doing a meme, you know?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I’m also—listen, I was in a hospital for four and a half hours yesterday, not for me, everyone’s fine. I was just taking a friend, who’s fine. But now I’m so sleepy.
SARAH: Wake up, it’s Christmas.
KAYLA: And that’s why I sound like that, so. Sorry!
SARAH: Oh it’s actually six months out from Christmas right now. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.
KAYLA: Christmas in July!
SARAH: But it’s June! But, July! Okay. Do you want me to start since I’ve actually written a few things down and I know you haven’t.
KAYLA: Yeah I’ve written—classically I have done no preparation for this, so.
SARAH: Classically. Alright, cool. So, sex / ance which is of course shorthand for romance is cool—it’s nice, but have you ever made the exact correct amount of pasta for a single serving?
KAYLA: No, I haven’t.
SARAH: It’s happened maybe once in my life and boy was it beautiful. I always overdo it and then I’m like, I have so much pasta and it’s not worth—I’m going to have to eat it all. And then I eat too much pasta and I’m like aaaaaa. Yeah I do it all the time.
KAYLA: Mmm. Sex is cool but have you ever stepped on a really crunchy leaf?
SARAH: Ohhh that’s such a good point. We love a crunchy leaf in this house. This podcast wholeheartedly supports crunchy leaves.
KAYLA: I wish I could get sponsored by crunchy leaves.
SARAH: As soon as I said that I was like, I bet Caitlyn is going to put that in the out of context one. There is no context, it doesn’t matter. We love a crunchy leaf in this house. So, sex and romance are nice but have you ever gotten fully vaccinated against COVID-19?
KAYLA: Yes! And it was very good.
SARAH: It was great. I have been hearing about how the United States is going to meet its vaccination goals for people 27 and older but people 18-27 are being—
KAYLA: Dumb.
SARAH: Yeah. So, if you are eligible to get vaccinated whether you are in the United States or not, and you haven’t yet, what are you doing? Go get that stab. Even if you’re afraid of needles do it, it’s worth it. Our friend Miranda is afraid of needles and she did it and she is now vaccinated and she is very glad that she is.
KAYLA: I mean think about it. The pain of getting a shot is like a second. The pain of having COVID is not even just for two weeks cause my sister had it and it thinned her hair out really bad and it keeps falling out. And my other friend that had it still doesn’t have a sense of smell back.
SARAH: Yeah and I think part of the problem is that so many young people are like, “oh well it’s not going to be that bad for me” but
KAYLA: Your hair will leave!
SARAH: It depends on the person and there’s no way of knowing ahead of time if you’re going to be completely no symptoms or if you’re going to be be knocked to the ground for a couple of months so. Get your fucking vaccines. Thank you.
KAYLA: Please! Sex is cool but have you ever found a sugar bowl that looks like a grape in Goodwill and put all of your anti-depressants in it?
SARAH: No I haven’t but I’m aware that you have.
KAYLA: I have and the way that my Prozac looks, it’s like this little green pills and they look like the green pills in The Queen’s Gambit, the TV show where the little girl takes a thousand of these at once and passes out and it’s like this grotesque scene where she’s literally eating fistfuls of these really addictive pills because she got fucked up.
SARAH: Oh god.
KAYLA: And so our friend Erin messaged me like, “are those the tranqs from Queen’s Gambit” and I was like thanks now I am scarred for life. Because you know what? I watched that first episode of Queen’s Gambit, saw that scene, have not watched a single other episode since. Cause I can’t.
SARAH: Incredible.
KAYLA: I can’t. Anyway so that’s all better than sex I think.
SARAH: I think so too. My next one. So, sex and romance are nice but have you ever gotten a raise? I mean I haven’t but it sounds nice.
KAYLA: Me either actually.
SARAH: Well that’s not true, I’ve gotten a raise a couple of times—
KAYLA: Gaslighting me.
(10:00)
SARAH: Hold on hold on. But every instance it was an increase of less than one dollar an hour. So is that really a raise?
KAYLA: Not really.
SARAH: I mean an actual raise. Imagine getting paid a salary.
KAYLA: You need a new job.
SARAH: My next job will probably also be hourly.
KAYLA: You need a new industry.
SARAH: I’ll probably never have a proper salaried job.
KAYLA: Love that for you.
SARAH: Yeah, I know right?
KAYLA: So sex is cool but have you ever had a really good clicky, clacky keyboard?
SARAH: No but I often hear yours when we’re on Facetime doing pod things together and you’re just typing loudly and sometimes it’s really distracting to me.
KAYLA: Can you hear it?
SARAH: Yes I can hear it.
KAYLA: Just checking.
SARAH: Sometimes it’s very distracting for my little ADHD brain.
KAYLA: Good. Ugh there’s two fruit flies.
SARAH: Eat them.
KAYLA: Just swarming my desk right now.
SARAH: Eat them!
KAYLA: Hoes.
SARAH: Sex is nice, romance is nice, but have you ever attended an absolutely transcendental concert of your favorite band?
KAYLA: I don’t know about transcendental.
SARAH: Well then you’re missing out.
KAYLA: Sorry!
SARAH: I used to go to so many concerts when I was in high school. I would just spend all of my money on concerts. In the year 2014, I went to 10 concerts, that’s so many.
KAYLA: Were they all One Direction?
SARAH: No, but two of them were.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: I think, I’ll have to check my list. But I haven’t been to a concert in a long, long while and then COVID of course makes it impossible and so I’m chomping at the bit to see BTS and it might not be another year, year and a half but I want to do it so bad.
KAYLA: Sarah you know what you should do?
SARAH: Go to New York and see it with Padya?
KAYLA: Yes. But also, I’m going to my first music festival in October, which is Outsidelands in LA.
SARAH: Are you?
KAYLA: I am.
SARAH: And you didn’t tell me?
KAYLA: Once again, Dean just bought the tickets and was like, it’s happening. And I was like, okay.
SARAH: Once again Dean is your travel agent and just doesn’t tell you when you’re doing things. What is this? What is this weird dynamic?
KAYLA: It’s not so much that he doesn’t tell me it’s just that I don’t have the capacity to know. You know what I mean? I have—first of all a motorcycle outside being loud—and second of all, way too much going on to keep track of my own life. So anyway, you should come.
SARAH: I don’t know if I can handle a music festival.
KAYLA: I’m very interested to see how it goes because I really don’t like crowds.
SARAH: Also now, in the wake of you know, the parmesan. I just feel like, if I were to go to a music festival, I would be going for a specific artist or a couple of artists like I’m not the kind of person who can go to a music festival to go to a music festival. Because that seems a like a lot of fucking sensory overload and I don’t know if I can do that.
KAYLA: Yeah I don’t know. And it’s going to be Halloweekend and it’s a big group of Dean’s friends that—I don’t know if everyone is going every day of it but. We’ll see. I’ll hopefully get to see Lizzo in person.
SARAH: Lizzo! I’m crying.
KAYLA: See, maybe you should just buy a one-day ticket for the day Lizzo is there. Then you can leave.
SARAH: Oh man. Anyway, that was a really—we went on that tangent for a while.
KAYLA: It was a long journey. My next one is, sex is pretty cool but have you ever picked a really good scab?
SARAH: Yeah but every time I do it, I regret it, which you know that’s probably how I’d feel about sex too.
KAYLA: Ope. So you really think that picking a scab and sex are equivalent, huh? In your mind.
SARAH: I mean. Listen.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: Maybe not to quite the same extent. Picking a good scab is satisfying but then you’re like, now I have a fucking open would and I have to delay the healing of this wound.
KAYLA: And that’s exactly how sex is.
(15:00)
SARAH: Oh god. It’s not, for our listeners. I’m just going to note.
KAYLA: That’s what you think. You’ve never done it.
SARAH: Let me move on. Sex and romance are nice but have you ever gotten your federal tax return with your stimmy money? I still haven’t but it sounds pretty cool.
KAYLA: I can’t even remember if I’ve gotten all of my tax returns yet.
SARAH: My roommate filed electronically and so she already got her federal tax return but I sent it in the mail-y mail—
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: Cause that’s what my dad told me to do.
KAYLA: Hmm.
SARAH: I don’t do my own taxes that’s what I have my dad for.
KAYLA: I use Turbotax.
SARAH: My dad uses Turbotax but also himself. I don’t know. Look, listen. I am an adult but I’m not—
KAYLA: Listen, I don’t do my own taxes either that’s fine.
SARAH: But I’m not so much of an adult that my dad doesn’t do my taxes.
KAYLA: I waited until I went home to help my sister pick out a wedding dress to make my dad sit with me and I sat there and clicked the buttons while he stood there and told me what buttons to click.
SARAH: Good. So your dad basically did your taxes.
KAYLA: Absolutely.
SARAH: My sister’s girlfriend also hasn’t gotten hers back yet and we both went to the website that’s like, “put in your info” and how much you’re owed” and we’ll give you an update and for both of us it was like, “we have no updates.” And I was like, cool, thank you. Anyway that’s all.
KAYLA: Oh it’s my turn. Sex is cool but have you ever had a really good Po Boy?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: It’s a sandwich.
SARAH: Yeah I don’t do sandwiches.
KAYLA: That they do down here.
SARAH: I don’t eat sandwiches.
KAYLA: I’m going to quit this podcast.
SARAH: I’m sorry to hear that but you can’t. I ran out of things that I wrote. So sex and romance are nice but have you ever used a sharpie, a brand new sharpie, to write on a piece of paper and you had to make a sign and you managed to perfectly fit it with perfect handwriting and a brand new heckin sharpie so it looks gorgeous?
KAYLA: I have never been able to achieve this, no.
SARAH: It’s my dream to someday do that.
KAYLA: That’s a lofty goal.
SARAH: I know it’s a big goal but I think it’s achievable. It will just take some time and practice and maybe I won’t have a brand new sharpie because it would be wasteful to keep buying sharpies just to do this but I think as long as the sharpie is a good sharpie that works well still I think I can pull it off just once.
KAYLA: Well, I will pray for you I guess.
SARAH: Thank you.
KAYLA: I had one then I forgot. Oh, sex is cool but have you ever watched a really good pimple popping video?
SARAH: Oh my god, they’re so great.
KAYLA: They really are. For a while there it was all that showed up on my Instagram discover thing and so I’d be out in public trying to look through Instagram discover and I was like, I can’t do this, I’m in public.
SARAH: Sometimes if I discover that too much of my Instagram discover has become pimple popping I’ll intentionally watch a bunch of slime videos or soap videos. Just to even it out a little bit. Cause look. A pimple popping video is good but you have to be in the right mindset for it.
KAYLA: I can’t watch them when I’m eating.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: That does pose a problem.
SARAH: Yeah I can’t either.
KAYLA: I’ll be trying to find something to entertain me while I eat and I can’t go there because I can’t always watch it because I’m eating.
SARAH: And there’s a certain limit too of how spicy it is. I can go pretty spicy but all the way spicy.
KAYLA: When it starts to get to giant cyst level, where’s they’re cutting it with a knife, that’s about where it stops for me.
SARAH: I saw one the other day that it started out all regular and good and then the second part of the video was a giant cyst that was this guy’s entire back and I was like, I wasn’t prepared for that.
(20:00)
KAYLA: You wasn’t warned.
SARAH: I wasn’t warned. I also for some reason, this is a weird fact. I can handle videos of humans but if it’s an animal, I can’t. It doesn’t matter if it looks the same. I can’t.
KAYLA: I don’t even know if one has come up for me that’s an animal.
SARAH: I’ve seen a couple horses and dogs. And a cow one time. A cow one time that was really bad and it really scarred me.
KAYLA: Yeah I don’t like that.
SARAH: Yeah, I didn’t like it either. Okay. Sex and romance are fine but have you ever taken a shower and been all clean and then got into a bed with clean sheets?
KAYLA: I was going to—my next one was going to be the same thing, like freshly shaven legs.
SARAH: Yeah I would add that but I’m trying to get myself to be like, you don’t need to shave your legs because I hadn’t shaved my legs in a very long time and I was like, no that’s not necessary.
KAYLA: Must be nice.
SARAH: Don’t do what society tells you. Society’s mean.
KAYLA: It’s true.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Sex is cool but have you ever gone to a circus?
SARAH: No and I don’t want to.
KAYLA: Hmm. I don’t know that I have either.
SARAH: Seems like animal abuse in a lot of situations.
KAYLA: Yeah. Here’s the thing. You want to hear about something that really probably shouldn’t be done to animals? So I’m a big fan of Hell’s Kitchen and every season without fail they have one challenge where the people have to round up farm animals like chickens and pigs and whoever can do it fast enough wins. These are not people who are trained to handle animals so they’re just running around, grabbing chickens—I just don’t know how no one has been like, you’ve got to stop doing this.
SARAH: Interesting. It’s wild. I mean—hey so, me and Kayla just realized that my audio stopped recording some time ago and I didn’t notice. And I’m going to commit homicide. I don’t know—what should I do with the—should I just have a one-sided conversation? Should I just have the Kayla audio? I left off at the circus.
KAYLA: That was a long time ago!
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: I don’t even remember what the things I’ve brought been since.
SARAH: I don’t either.
KAYLA: You know what you could do—is just listen to my side of the audio and record what you’re pretty sure that you’re saying on your end. Just like dub it.
SARAH: Oh god. Oh god. This is horrible.
KAYLA: This isn’t as bad as the time we lost an entire episode. There is somewhere in the universe a fully lost episode of Sounds Fake But Okay.
SARAH: Ok no it was just my audio that was lost, yours is not lost.
KAYLA: Yet again. Did we ever upload that on the Patreon?
SARAH: We did. I’m going to commit homicide and the victim will be myself.
KAYLA: I wish you wouldn’t. That will not make my life difficult.
SARAH: Oh my god. Okay. Pray for me, please.
KAYLA: So it fully wasn’t recording? Your audio has been lost in the ether?
SARAH: It just fully wasn’t recording and I didn’t notice because it gets so long that it gets to a point where you stop being able to tell if it’s still going. And the levels were still up and down because it was still going into my mic. Okay, well. Hmm. I’m just going to leave this whole problem in because I wanna die. I don’t know. I don’t know. We’re just going to keep going. We’re going to keep going and I’ll figure something out. I’m suffering.
KAYLA: Try to dub it over.
SARAH: Maybe I will. Maybe I’ll just be like—let me try and remember what I was saying.
KAYLA: With the context of what I am saying, you might be able to figure it out.
(25:00)
SARAH: I might. Well, okay if I can, it’ll go right now. Get ready? Go. Okay, I just went back and listened to Kayla’s side of things and you know what I realized dear listeners? I realized that I was actually aware that my audio stopped. It’s just that when I thought that I started the audio again, it didn’t restart. So this is even more my fault than I had previously been aware of. If anyone knows of any nearby cliffs, I would like to jump off of them. Anyway, I think I was trying to talk about how circuses are animal abuse. And I was like, listen I’m here for the circus - the people doing weird things with their bodies. Silks, trapeze, I recall I mentioned Russian baroque cause that shit’s wild. But I’m not here for the animal, making lions jump through a fiery hoop. That seems too much. Stop driving by my house loudly. I will not be cutting this out, I do not have the patience, loud car. Hooo. You’re listening to me unravel this as we speak.
KAYLA: Yeah that’s really not the part of the circus that interests me. You know? That’s fair. I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry.
SARAH: When she said this, I was like, what are you talking about. Cause she didn’t ask anything. So it doesn’t make any more sense in context, out of context. Next I said, sure sex and romance are cool but have you ever had a pet fall asleep in your lap?
KAYLA: Yes, every single night. And it makes it so I can’t move when I’m sleeping. Not necessarily on top of me I suppose but Gnocchi is a huge cuddler and recently has been cuddling me especially at night so I will get into bed and she curls up either between my legs or right next to me which is very sweet but then I wake up 50 times in the night because I’m like, did I just roll over her and murder her? Because she’s really small, it’d be very easy to just roll right over her.
SARAH: Bogey the cat that I live with is not a cat lap—nope, is not a lap cat, which is sad. Apparently he was when he was a kitten and then he got older and was like, I’m over it.
KAYLA: Don’t need you mom.
SARAH: So whenever he does lean on me I’m like, oh good, I guess I can never move again cause as soon as I move, he will get up and leave me, abandon me.
KAYLA: That’s how it is with Billie. When Billie cuddles you, there have been a few times recently when both cats have been on top of me at once and that is absolutely better than sex. Sex is cool but have you ever been walking and a nice dog that’s also walking walks up to you and wants a pet and rolls over and lets you touch its belly? That happened to me the other day.
SARAH: See I’m too shy and non-confrontational to go up to someone and ask if I can pet their dog. So I either have to be with someone who’ll ask or the dog has to straight up come up to me.
KAYLA: See that’s usually my tactic is getting close enough where the dog kinda comes up to me and then I stop and I’m like, “oh hello.” That’s what—we were walking at an outside mall and these people were sitting and their dog was on a leash and I started coming up to me and I was like oh hello and the lady was like, “oh her name is whatever her name was.”
SARAH: It was like recently, I actually said this on the podcast, but I was taking a walk and I passed a man with a dog and the dog was being trained and he told the dog to sit and wait when I passed so I couldn’t pet the dog because I knew the dog was being trained and I really wanted to and I was like, you’re being such a good dog, please, let me appreciate you. Anyway, sure sex and romance are fine but have you every looked into the eyes of Rosie Hoinky Louise Costello-Juntunen and held her hand?
KAYLA: Have you?
SARAH: No but I’m going to. Cause she didn’t know how to shake when I was with her before but since then she has learned how to shake and now she just likes to hold hands so I’m going to hold her hand.
KAYLA: Won’t you get to hold her hand in like a week?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: That’s very exciting. Sex is cool but have you ever gotten a 7-Eleven slurpee on a very hot day?
SARAH: Yes but then I think I was complaining about how the cherry is always runny and I was like, remember when us and our friend Miranda were in San Diego and we walked to the 7-Eleven and they didn’t even have cherry. And then we started having a conversation about how many 7-Elevens are close to us. Kayla didn’t live near very many 7-Elevens. And then we were talking about drugstores. Look, I don’t know. It wasn’t relevant. You’re just getting the Sparknotes. Thanks.
KAYLA: See this is the problem I have with my city, is that there is no convenience store downtown. There isn’t a 24 hour CVS or Wallgreens or something. So it’s not like in college where if I needed anything, I’d just walk outside my house. It was like this in my place in Connecticut too. It was so inconvenient. What if I need something?
(30:00)
SARAH: Okay so I went further ahead and wow we talked about this for a while. Anyway, Kayla was just complaining about how she lives downtown but she doesn’t living near any convenience stores and we started on gas and how gas here is over $4 and Kayla was losing her mind. Guys we talked about gas for so long. Do you guys really listen to this podcast on purpose? Wow. Thanks.
KAYLA: Sex is nice but have you ever had a woman catcall you in a Walmart?
SARAH: That’s not—these are supposed to be things that are good, Kayla.
KAYLA: I know I just really wanted to talk about it, cause I am still shook about it. I just didn’t realize that we as women had agreed upon catcalling people. I just want to know what memo I missed. Did the email go to spam? When the women’s weekly newsletter came out that goes to all women saying “hey we do catcalling now” I missed that.
SARAH: Okay okay, sure. Sex and romance are fine. Have you ever just taken a nice handful of snow and eaten it?
KAYLA: I’m sure we’ve talked about this before but Sarah’s snow-eating habits when we were on campus in college was unruly.
SARAH: Unruly? I didn’t eat dirty snow.
KAYLA: No you were eating clean snow. What I found to be unruly was we would be walking and you would say, I’m thirsty, so instead of fixing that in a normal way. You weren’t just eating snow to be like oh how whimsical of me to eat snow in the winter. Sarah was eating snow when we were walking and she was like, I have a thirst that needs to be quenched. Will I pull out my water bottle? No. Will I stop to get water? No. I will find a clean patch of snow, halt the walk and eat it.
SARAH: You didn’t have to wait for me I would have caught up
KAYLA: I mean that’s what I started doing eventually. I can’t stand you for this. I’m not going to—this is upsetting to watch.
SARAH: At this point, we got into some banter about how I have the right to eat snow and how Kayla didn’t like that for some reason. We were doing that for a hot second and that’s what led us to this.
KAYLA: I mean I tried to quit the podcast 20 minutes ago and you told me I couldn’t so.
SARAH: And then I said it wasn’t 20 minutes ago cause we’ve been only recording the podcast for 25 minutes. And then Kayla said:
KAYLA: It’s actually been 39.
SARAH: And that was how we found out that I hadn’t been recording my audio for 15 minutes. I hope this entertained you. Listen I hope sometimes when I was filling in, the vibes weren’t quite aligned but hey, this was not an acting challenge. This was Sparknotes. I hope you enjoyed my descent into madness. Back to both of us actually being there. Anyway, we’re back. Did you just hear me trying to guess what I was saying? I don’t know. I don’t know if it worked or not.
KAYLA: I want to pass away. Let’s just wrap this up, shall we?
SARAH: Yeah should we just stop. I think we should stop.
KAYLA: Maybe let’s do one more each and call it.
SARAH: Sex and romance are cool but have you ever played a perfect game of Jenga?
KAYLA: How do you play a perfect game of Jenga?
SARAH: I think just like, you know, everyone comes out perfectly, you know?
KAYLA: So you never lose? So it just goes on forever?
SARAH: Oh no, I don’t mean that all parties play a perfect game of Jenga I mean just you.
KAYLA: I see I see I see. I have not. I’m not very good at Jenga.
SARAH: I’m sorry. Maybe we should practice.
KAYLA: Okay I’ll work on that. Let’s see. Sex is cool but have you ever had someone tell you you did a good job?
SARAH: Ahh so good. Like someone you respect and you really value their opinion?
KAYLA: They say, “good job you did good.” That’s nice.
SARAH: Oh my god I did good. Oh god, I didn’t do good this week.
KAYLA: It was just a mistake, that’s all.
SARAH: I know but it’s going to create so much extra work for myself.
KAYLA: Yeah. Hey that’s just instant consequences, you know.
SARAH: Actions have consequences.
KAYLA: Mmhmm.
SARAH: And accidentally stopping your recording and not noticing also have consequences.
KAYLA: Mmhmm.
SARAH: Oh no. Okay, Kayla what’s our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Oh my god. Which of these are better than sex?
SARAH: Having a pet fall asleep in your lap, getting a raise, or should we say being fully vaccinated?
KAYLA: I feel like that one will instantly win though.
SARAH: That’s fair. Getting a raise.
KAYLA: Being told good job, and crunchy leaf.
SARAH: Yeah crunchy leaf. I’m still thinking about what I’ve done. Okay.
KAYLA: You have a lot more time to think about it, you don’t have to think about it now.
SARAH: Kayla, what’s your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: My beef as it has been, I think, the past forever is the weather. I just think humidity is stupid and it’s ruining my life currently in all aspects. My juice is that the new season of the Adventure Zone is happening. And I really like it so far. It’s very fun, they’re doing an under the sea post-apocalyptic thing, it’s good shit.
SARAH: Yeah okay good. So my beef is that I stopped recording the podcast. My other beef is that I had to go into work for half a day the other day and it was exhausting my god. I can’t believe we did that every day the other day.
KAYLA: Truly it’s shocking.
SARAH: My other beef is the US health insurance system. A year later, they finally figured out that I’m double insured. So as a reward for being double insured, I now have to pay $50 for a prescription that used to be $5. Wow congrats to me on being double insured. Also they wouldn’t refill my Adderall for no discernible reason even though I had a refill because why would they make it easy to have access to medication that helps already forgetful and scattered people operate to a closer to neurotypical level? Why would they do that? I know it’s a controlled substance but are you going to make me drop $35 every single month just to get a one minute call with my doctor where she’s like, “is the Adderall fine?” and I say yes and she re prescribes it and you throw a fit every time there’s a refill rather than a new script because I called to be like, yo the pharmacist said I need to get doctor’s authorization please. They were like, hmm yeah, we’re scheduling you to talk to the doctor on Friday. Why is that necessary? I had a refill and now i’m going to have to pay for this 2-minute doctor’s appointment? Also I still don’t have a therapist because finding one is so overwhelming. And I know that I’m starting to look for a new job so what happens when I actually find a therapist and I start a new job and the therapist doesn’t accept my new insurance, I have to start over. My juice is—
KAYLA: I think Sarah just passed right away.
SARAH: My juice is that my coworkers at my current job are looking out for me and keeping an eye out for future jobs, including one of my bosses, which I appreciate. My other juice is that I thought my PTO vacation days didn’t roll over but they kind of do to a certain cap which means instead of having 5 vacation days this year I actually have 7.5. And to those of our listeners who aren’t American and are like, what the holy fuck you only get five paid vacation days a year, yes, greatest country in the world, who?
KAYLA: Yeah there’s been some great debate at my company this week about our paid holidays. Pretty rough stuff.
SARAH: Yeah. But hey I can use 7.5 vacation days this year. Please lord. It’s cause I was a clown and didn’t take a single day off last year. Anyway. Wow. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, forgive me for having lost half of my audio on our social media @soundsfakepod. Don’t actually do that that’s way too overwhelming for me. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We have two new $2 patrons, they are Angela Matijczak—jack? Mati-zak? It’s Polish, Kayla you’re Polish.
KAYLA: I have no idea.
SARAH: You have a Polish last name.
KAYLA: That doesn’t mean I know how to say other people’s Polish last names.
SARAH: That’s rude! And also John Fox. Sorry Angela. I’m sure experience this a lot but I am sorry. Thank you to both of you for your contributions, you’re so kind.
KAYLA: Thank you!
SARAH: Our $5 patrons that we’re highlighting this week are Ariel Laxo, Ellie, MattiousT, Chris Lauretano, and Sam. Thank you for your money. Our $10 patrons who are promoting things this week are Khadir who would like to promote cats named Gnocchi 'Feta' Fettuccine and them laying on you, Potater who would like to promote potatoes, always delicious and Changeling MX who would like to promote starshipchangeling.net. Our other $10 patrons are David Jay, The Stubby Tech, Simona Sajmon, Rosie Costello, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Anonymous, Sarah McCoy, my aunt Jeannie, Cass, Doug Rice, H. Valdis, Purple Chickadee, Barefoot Backpacker, The Steve, Ari K, Mattie, Derek and Carissa, and Aaron. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White - NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs. I’m now paranoid and I just went back to make sure I am still recording. Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere, Andy A who would like to promote being in unions and IWW, Martin Chiesel who would like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One is, Leila, who would like to promote love is love also applying to aro people, Shrubbery who would like to promote the Planet Earth, Dia Chappell who would like to promote twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Sherronda J Brown, who would like to promote airplanes not flying past my apartment when I’m reading the patrons, Maggie Capalbo who would like to promote their dogs Minnie, Leia, and Loki, Andrew Hillum would like to promote finding your words and your people during pride month, and Dragonfly who would like to promote the fact that the airplane is mostly gone now. Our $20 patrons are Sarah T who would like to promote long walks outside and HomHomofSpades, I never figured out how to say this, who would like to promote getting enough vitamin D. Thanks for listening to this shitshow. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then take good care of your cows.
SARAH: *whispers* I’m suffering.