Sounds Fake But Okay

Ep 193: The Perfect Aspec Birthday Party

August 01, 2021 Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 193: The Perfect Aspec Birthday Party
Show Notes Transcript

Hey what's up hello! Welcome to our 4th birthday party! This week we take it upon our selves to plan the perfect asexual / aromantic birthday party.

Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/the-perfect-aspec-birthday   

Check out our new merch: www.soundsfakepod.com/shop       

Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod    

Follow: @soundsfakepod    

Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt    

www.soundsfakepod.com

Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book

(00:00)

SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)

KAYLA:… and a demisexual girl (that’s me, Kayla)

SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.

KAYLA: On today’s episode: birthdays.

ALL: — Sounds fake, but okay.

SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!

KAYLA: Mmmm

SARAH: M’argaret Thatcher.

KAYLA: I’m trying to think about a birthday themed one.

SARAH: Well your birthday is in M’ay.

KAYLA: Yeah. I guess. If that’s the best we’re going to get.

SARAH: Okay. Cool. It’s our birthday.

KAYLA: Yesterday was our birthday.

SARAH: Yes that’s true.

KAYLA: But in real time tomorrow is our birthday.

SARAH: Yes, our birthday is July 31st. We were born in 2017, we are about to be four years old. 

KAYLA: It’s also pretty close to the sixth year anniversary of when we first met.

SARAH: Yeah I got a notification yesterday from Facebook that was like, “it’s your 6 year friendaversary with Kayla.” And I was like, ah, haha.

KAYLA: Six years ago, I messaged Sarah and said—well there’s a cat walking across my desk.

SARAH: That’s not what you said.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: I mean I don’t remember exactly what you said but it certainly wasn’t that. 

KAYLA: Six years ago, I messaged Sarah on Facebook and I said, “hello, it looks as though we have been randomly assigned as roommates for college. Time to become best friends.”

SARAH: Yes, and now we have a four-year-old child, which is wild to me that we only knew each other for two years without the podcast, now we know each other for four years with the podcast. But that’s not what y’all came here for. Y’all may have noticed the podcast looks a lil different.

KAYLA: Oh yeah.

SARAH: We did a lil birthday rebrand. Hopefully will be the last one.

KAYLA: Hopefully it’s been four years and we’ve had three logos so hopefully it’s the last one.

SARAH: The first two we did ourselves and we are not graphic designers. But we had a real actual wonderful graphic designer that Kayla works with at her work do it this time and it’s such a delight and she was so patient with all of my weird things about fonts, and it’s great. 

KAYLA: Yeah I was talking to our friend Asritha about it because we had some color options that Sarah and I were fighting about so we were getting people’s opinions. Asritha was like, “oh I’m going to miss the thing, it’s so nostalgic,” and I was like, I hate it and I never want to see it again. Which I’m a little bit afraid because right now when we’re recording it everything is the same. I think—I don’t know exactly what my plan is for tomorrow because there is about 30 logos across the internet I need to change ideally at the exact same time. Not sure how that’s going to go. I’m the most worried about when I change the Discord logo because I feel like everyone is going to be like, “you’ve ruined everything.”

SARAH: You’ve ruined everything. No now that I know what the new logo looks like, every time I see the old logo, it’s still on our email, it’s still whatever, I’m like, ugh it’s hideous.

KAYLA: Yeah, I made it in Canva. Not great. It’s great compared to our first logo which I also made. Anyway, it’s better, but if you want to look at them all together, we also have new merch because of our new logo, and a new merch store set up.

SARAH: Yes we did a little merch switcheroo.

KAYLA: It wasn’t fun, but now that we’ve set it up it’ll be good. 

SARAH: Kayla worked very hard, I did nothing. 

KAYLA: I had to learn about sales tax and shipping rates, it was upsetting.
SARAH: But hey I’ve been fighting with an external hard drive that I think lost all of my photos, so you know, we all have our struggles.

KAYLA: It’s been a tragedy. But if you go to our website, it’s the shop tab, it’s soundsfakepod.com/shop. 

SARAH: And you don’t have to leave the website anymore.
KAYLA: I know you don’t have to leave anymore. And it all looks very nice. I think. Very excited.

SARAH: Got some new stickers based on our new logo.

(5:00)

KAYLA: Stickies, a hat.

SARAH: I ordered a hat, it’s not here yet, it’s coming. I’m excited.

KAYLA: I ordered some stickers, they shipped yesterday. They will be here in a couple days.

SARAH: Big juice.

KAYLA: But for our birthday, in case you missed this announcement—If you’re listening to this on Sunday, August 1st before 11:59 PM central time, you can still use our birthday discount code which I believe is BIRTH10 in our shop and get a little 10 por-cent off. 

SARAH: Little 10 por-cent. Happy borthday. 

KAYLA: Happy borthday from us. And our patrons going forward will be getting a special patron discount too. So, more incentive to be a patron is discounts. Other ways to give us your money!

SARAH: I was going to say, they give us money so we tell them, okay if you want to buy something you don’t have to give us as much money. 

KAYLA: Yeah. It makes a lot of sense if you don’t think about it too much. If you’re listening to this on Sunday, yesterday we did a birthday livestream. For us, it’s tomorrow so maybe it was terrible and we’re sad but for now we’ll say thank you for coming.

SARAH: It’s on our Instagram. 

KAYLA: Yes, it should be—unless there is a technical difficulty on our Instagram–forever.

SARAH: In which case, I’ll just jump off a cliff, it’s fine. 

KAYLA: Yeah, I might. Oopsies.

SARAH: It’s been a long couple weeks.

KAYLA: Anywayyyy.

SARAH: Kayla what are we talking about this week?

KAYLA: This week we’re talking about birthdays. Here’s the problem, back it up. It’s a Louisiana thing to say talmbout instead of talking about. And I don’t think I used to say talmbout but I do now. And it’s upsetting and I just did say it. So, sorry.

SARAH: You pick stuff up. It happens.

KAYLA: Sorry everyone. Anyway, we’re talking about birthdays.
SARAH: We are discussing birthdays.

KAYLA: We were trying to figure out what to do for this episode. It was a mighty struggle.

SARAH: We had literally nothing. Our brains were empty and so we decided, you know what, what we’re going to do, for this episode, is we are going to plan the most aroace of birthday parties and that’s just what this podcast is going to be.

KAYLA: Yes, we’re going to discuss what our ideal birthday party would be as a aspec people. 

SARAH: And if we wanted a thematic birthday, get those things in there. And we’re also going to read our podcast’s birth chart.

KAYLA: I forgot about that. I love a themed party. Just in general.

SARAH: I’ve never really been to one I don’t really think. I guess every Halloween is a themed party and the theme is costumes.

KAYLA: Our initiation parties for Quidditch were themed.

SARAH: Those were themed that’s true, you make a good point.

KAYLA: Me and some friends that I’ve made here in Louisiana were going to have a college-themed party and dress up like frat people and sorority people and play college music and play college drinking games and stuff like that.

SARAH: So what you were going to do is you were going to play “Closer” over and over and over again. 

KAYLA: Yes. But unfortunately, some of the people I know down here are lame and don’t like to dress up and do themes. And think it adds nothing to a party. And they’re wrong and I hope they’re listening. 

SARAH: See I thought you were going to say that they have COVID or something. To which I say yeah I mean, don’t party with them.

KAYLA: Everyone is fine. Some people are just lame

SARAH: Disappointing. Me and Kayla just had a full side conversation—

KAYLA: About someone I hate.

SARAH: That I have to cut out. But just you know—sometimes it happens on this podcast. You have a full side conversation that the entirety of it has to be removed.

KAYLA: Sometimes I need to tell Sarah about the people I hate.

SARAH: Yeah I don’t even remember what we were talking about, what is happening—

KAYLA: Themed parties.

SARAH: Themed parties. I would like to attend a themed party that’s themed to a time. Like a previous era and just say, dress this way but don’t bring the sexism or the racism.

KAYLA: I have a lot of people do parties where you take the rice purity test and you dress as the decade of the number you get. If you get a score of 63 you dress as 60s clothes.

SARAH: That’s actually really funny. 

(10:00)

KAYLA: It’s funny when people get really low numbers cause then they’re dressed like pilgrims or whatever. 

SARAH: If we’re just going for the 1900s, I guess if you’re in the zeroes or tens it might be a little bit rough but once you get to the 20s—

KAYLA: Oh yeah then you’re fine. I was thinking—I saw a TikTok about it today—but I’ve seen many—but if you had a 100, then what?

SARAH: It’s the year 2000, it’s Y2K. I don’t remember what my rice purity test score was when I last took it. I don’t remember. I could not tell you. Maybe after this I’ll take it again just to know. At first though I was mixing it up with the fucking Kinsey scale and I was like, so I wouldn’t be allowed to come.
KAYLA: Yeah you would just not be there.

SARAH: Anyway, this party is themed to aspecs, that’s all we’re saying.

KAYLA: Okay one last thing about themed parties, my dream is to attend a murder mystery party.

SARAH: Host a murder mystery party and I’ll—

KAYLA: No I don’t want to host it. Hosting isn’t fun, I want to attend one. Hosting is a lot of work. You have to put the whole story together. I do not want to host. I want to play. 

SARAH: I don’t want to host either. Anyone out there good at hosting murder mystery parties want to invite me and Kayla?

KAYLA: Thank you, please.

SARAH: It’s funner though if you know everyone there. It’s not as fun if it’s with strangers.

KAYLA: Yeah. 

SARAH: Anyway wow we are a while into this podcast and we haven’t started. Let’s start it maybe. I think the first step of the ideal aroace birthday party is take all of our pod listeners, all of who wish to attend such a party and fit them into our one square foot of Ireland.

KAYLA: I think that is the perfect idea. I saw a tweet when we were like “oh there is a birthday surprise,” someone was like, “you’re going to your square foot in Ireland?” and I was like, “I wish.”

SARAH: In a pomegranate? Please.

KAYLA: Not in a pomeranian.

SARAH: Please. 

KAYLA: I wish.

SARAH: No but I wish we could all just stack ourselves in the middle of Ireland and see how tall we can be.

KAYLA: Yeah like everyone get on the shoulders. 

SARAH: Yeah. Just like how far can we see. This is the power of aspecs you know?

KAYLA: That’d be pretty impressive. 

SARAH: I would not want to be on the bottom. I think it would be very bad for my already weak person. And when I say weak I don’t mean physically weak. I mean weak as in I’ve broken my body too many times.

KAYLA: I was just telling someone the other day about how you’ve broken your back like 50 times.

SARAH: Yeah. So, my back is sad, I can’t put full weight on my right wrist. My knees are bad, my hips are bad, I shouldn’t be on the bottom is my point.

KAYLA: Well, I feel like we should get to be on the top.
SARAH: You make a compelling point. 

KAYLA: It’s our birthday.

SARAH: It’s our child’s birthday but our child isn’t sentient so it’s our birthday. What do you want to bring to this party? What are you bringing to the table?

KAYLA: I think we should have some party games. I think a pin the tail on the dragon would be very good. A real dragon, preferably. But in an ethical way.
SARAH: Right, an ethical pin the tail on the real dragon. Of course.

KAYLA: Yes.

SARAH: No this is good. I think along the idea of party games and activities, I think bowling. Just bowling in general. Honestly, it would hurt my wrist a little bit. You gotta do what you gotta do. I fully support the use of bumpers. I think using bumpers is just using your resources and it’s an entirely different strategy to bowl with bumpers than without me. So if at this aroace birthday party you want to bowl with bumpers, by all means. 

KAYLA: I will judge you but Sarah will not.

SARAH: That’s true, that is correct.

KAYLA: But I’ll judge you in the way of like I’m not good at bowling so I won’t judge you in the “I’m so good I don’t need bumpers”—I need bumpers. I do just think it’s cheating. 

SARAH: Who do you think you are? I am.

KAYLA: Yeah. So I want there to be some type of pinata. It feels a little rude to say it will be an allo. So I’m thinking an aphobe. I would like to say that that the pinata is an aphobe. You know, violence isn’t always the way. But sometimes it is. 

(15:00)

SARAH: You know what the pinata should be? The pinata should just be the baby pinata from Schitt’s Creek.

KAYLA: I hate it. I hate that pinata. But then just like a label on it that says aphobe. It’s an aphobic baby.

SARAH: So we’re not hurting a real baby. 

KAYLA: It’s not a real baby or person.

SARAH: We’re letting our anger out on the aphobe.

KAYLA: What comes out of it do you think though?

SARAH: I was thinking—this sort of goes along with my next thing which is a menu of all the best aspec foods. I think we need have cake, I think we need to have garlic bread, what’s an aspec food that we can put in a pinata? I mean—garlic bread, just little bits of garlic bread in the pinata.

KAYLA: I feel like I’ve seen another one recently that isn’t cake or garlic bread but I cannot remember what it is.

SARAH: There’s a third mainstream one that I cannot think of right now. 

KAYLA: I know me either. I feel like it’s another Italian food?

SARAH: Breadsticks. That’s too close to garlic bread. 

KAYLA: I think it might have to be garlic bread bites. Cake pops?

SARAH: Yeah cake pops. If you’re lucky you might just get a whole thing of garlic. Just straight garlic.

KAYLA: I love that.

SARAH: Actually it probably be aspec garlic to be clear. 

KAYLA: Sure.

SARAH: It wouldn’t be straight garlic it would be aspec garlic. What other foods should there be?

KAYLA: Spaghetti. 

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: I would like there to be a food fight. 

SARAH: Okay that’s fair. My concern with spaghetti is that we would not be able to have spaghetti noodles, linguine noodles or long noodles, that makes me think of the dogs that kiss.

KAYLA: You can kiss and be aspec Sarah. 

SARAH: I know but like you definitely can. But if this is my aspec party, personally—

KAYLA: But also mine. 

SARAH: Okay fine.

KAYLA: Bitch. I would like a food fight. It’d be fun.

SARAH: I’m a little concerned about how messy and wasteful that would be. You know me, I feel very guilty about being wasteful especially with food because as we know one quarter of all food in the United States is thrown away.

KAYLA: Yeah my initial thought would be like bad—rancid food but that’s—

SARAH: That’s disgusting. I think we should go like, if it’s summer, if it’s warm out maybe do like a water balloon fight or a water gun fight.

KAYLA: Okay that, yes I think that’s a good alternative.
SARAH: Or, we could go full laser tag.

KAYLA: Wait everyone shut up. Water balloon fight but the water is dyed purple and green. Everyone wears white coveralls.

SARAH: So it’s like paintball but gentler.

KAYLA: Yeah have you ever done a color run?

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Like that.

SARAH: That’s chalky. 

KAYLA: It’s like that but you’re supposed to wear a white shirt—

SARAH: It’s like Diwali—is Diwali the light one no Holi, I would like to apologize to all of our Hindu pod listeners for not being able to remember the name of that holiday.

KAYLA: Very sorry.

SARAH: But yeah, I think definitely something in that vein would be good.

KAYLA: I have another idea.

SARAH: Hit me with it.

KAYLA: Caricature artist.

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: Because I think they’re fun and I feel the way they’re usually marketed is either your family which is fine or you and your partner. And I don’t think I usually see them marketed towards get one of you and your friend, which I think is better. So I think we should have that.

SARAH: I think my beef with caricature art is I feel like a lot of time they take the part of your face you’re most insecure about and make it really big.

KAYLA: Yeah, also it’s fun.

SARAH: I think I did have a caricature done in my senior all night party but it didn’t look much like me. So my question is, what would they—what would a caricature of me look like? What would they go for? You know?

(20:00)

KAYLA: Yeah I also had one done at my senior all night party and I cannot remember. 

SARAH: Cause I didn’t pay for it. I won’t pay for a caricature. I refuse. 

KAYLA: Well at our party it’ll be free.

SARAH: Okay. Well, we’ll have to pay the caricature artist but we’ll have to get a good one. We’ll get a good one. 

KAYLA: It’ll be fun.

SARAH: I think we should have tarot readings.

KAYLA: Yes. Absolutely. 

SARAH: Specifically tarot, I mean Kayla if you want to get spookier and witchier than that, go for it. Tarot is the only one I accept in my personal life.
KAYLA: I mean I think tarot is the best for a party situation.

SARAH: Also it’s targeted like “okay what is this reading for?” Not like you’re looking at your palm like “you’re going to die next week,” you know? 

KAYLA: Yes.

SARAH: Cause that could put a damper on the party.

KAYLA: Yeah that would not be fun. I would like our cake to be the cake—I’m sure there will be many cakes. I would like one of our cakes to be like the cake in Sleeping Beauty that’s falling over and they have to hoist it up with a broom. Do you remember that cake?

SARAH: I have never seen Sleeping Beauty. 

KAYLA: It’s pretty fun.
SARAH: I don’t want to. I think I just want to attempt to you describe it to me.

KAYLA: Well it’s a tall cake and the fairies are making it but they’re bad at making the cake so it’s kind of melting and falling down. 
SARAH: Good.

KAYLA: So they were like I know what to do, so they put a broom handle to hoist up the top layers. 

SARAH: Very delightful. You know what I think we should do? When me and my sister were children, we used to watch the TV program Zoom, what a great show.

KAYLA: Yes!

SARAH: And one of the things they made on Zoom one time was a rainbow cake, where it was a cake that was shaped like a rainbow and on the inside, it was a rainbow and we were like, we should make this cake for our grandparents’ anniversary. And really in hindsight we should have known it meant that both of us were queer but that’s besides the point.
KAYLA: Whatcha going to do?

SARAH: And so we made a rainbow cake. And then the frosting the outside was white so it was a fun little surprise like, oh look there’s a rainbow inside here. I think we should do that with all of the relevant flags.
KAYLA: I like it.

SARAH: And then we’ll have so much cake, way more cake than we could ever eat, and then everyone gets to take home cake.

KAYLA: I like it. Ooh like a party favor. 

SARAH: Yeah. Come on and zoom, zoom, zoom and zoom.

KAYLA: You mentioning Zoom made me think about one of my favorite shows which was—

SARAH: Zooboomafoo.

KAYLA: Well yes. Did you ever watch Fetch With Ruff Ruffman?

SARAH: No. 

KAYLA: Okay. I have never meant anyone else—cause this was a PBS show and I was a PBS kid. One of my new friends that’s down here was a mega fan and sent in a tape to PBS being like please put me on the show. Anyway, it’s kind of like trivia—I don’t know it doesn’t matter. Anyway the point is I want trivia. And maybe a cash cow situation.

SARAH: A what?

KAYLA: Cash cow?

SARAH: Oh I thought maybe you’d said a cash cab situation and I was like, I’m sorry what?

KAYLA: Hold on. Cash Cab was a TV show where there was a guy driving a fake cab and people would get in and it was a trivia game and it was like, “okay between now and the time we get to where you want to go—”

SARAH: Okay so it was a real cab, it would bring you to the place you wanted to go.

KAYLA: Well, yes but it was like, you have that amount of time to answer questions. You can win money, whatever. We had it at my senior all night party. I said we should have a cash cow. You sit on the cow, ethically. And as it takes you from one place to another, you do trivia on the cow. 

SARAH: Okay what do you win?

KAYLA: Cash. Cash cow.

SARAH: Cash cow. Okay. I dig that. Ethical cowsitting. Cash retrieval.

KAYLA: Yes. 

SARAH: I think in general we should have an ethical petting zoo. Like rescued animals.

KAYLA: Like the gentle barn, you know the gentle barn?

SARAH: I do because I just watched that Try Guys video. 

KAYLA: Yes.

SARAH: Did you learn about it in the Try Guys video?

KAYLA: No, Julian of Julian and Jenna sponsored a cow awhile ago and had a tattoo of it, which is my dream to have the show sponsor a cow.

SARAH: There’s a place in Santa Clarita by me that, it’s called The Gentle Barn, and they rescue animals and you can go pet them and you can go hug cows and it’s a true delight. And I think I want that kind of a situation. 

KAYLA: yes, it has been my dream for years for us to one day have enough money to sponsor a cow. I did hear a really funny—I was listening to the podcast Bananas which is a very good podcast. And they had this comedian on and they were talking about the Gentle Barn and she was saying, yeah it’s all these rich people sponsoring old farm cows and farm pigs instead of sponsoring the millions of homeless people. I was like, uh oh, ouchie.

SARAH: I mean LA does have a huge houselessness problem and they recently passed a thing where it was basically just like these are all the places where it’s illegal to be homeless and it’s like the whole city. Anyway. That’s not the point of this.

KAYLA: Yay!

SARAH: You know what we should do at our party?

KAYLA: What?

SARAH: Oh we should just find a way to support the unhoused community wherever we are.

KAYLA: We should do a silent auction, those are always fun. And we can give the money to help the unhoused.

SARAH: That’s good I like that. I don’t understand what a silent auction is, why is it silent?

KAYLA: I don’t know.
SARAH: Okay. What are we auctioning?

KAYLA: I don’t know, everyone can just bring some fun stuff. 

SARAH: Oh. So everyone brings a cool item to auction or everyone brings something they’ve been meaning to get rid of cause that’s less fun.

KAYLA: Well, something cool.

SARAH: Like what? We need an example.

KAYLA: I don’t know. They could crochet a nice hat.

SARAH: Mmkay. Mayhap a pussy hat.

KAYLA: They could make a sticker.

SARAH: Mmkay. It’s a good starting point I think. I think it needs a bit more energy for people to understand what they’re meant to be bringing to the auction or where you’re going with it.

KAYLA: Well, we’ll figure it out.

SARAH: I think there should be an outdoor drive-in situation depending on how many people are there. An outdoor movie showing of the best aspec adjacent films because as we all know there are no actual aspec films. 

KAYLA: We got Little Women, we got Frozen.

SARAH: Fucking Hunger Games.

KAYLA: We got Brave, we got Hunger Games. We got some episodes of Bojack Horseman. We got—

SARAH: Just that one episode of Sex Education out of context.  

KAYLA: Yup. I like that. Now, how about this? Bouncy house.

SARAH: Bouncy house, we can get a bouncy house. Here’s the thing though. Bouncy houses are really kind of underwhelming for me because I grew up doing gymnastics. 

KAYLA: Well, Sarah.

SARAH: Bouncy houses aren’t as bouncy as trampolines.

KAYLA: Well we can also get a trampoline. 

SARAH: Here’s the thing though. The trampoline that I know that all of our listeners are thinking of is not as bouncy as a gymnastics trampoline.

KAYLA: Here’s what we are going to do. You know how you can go to an open gym in gymnastics and you can go to the foam pit? That was always my favorite. Next to the bouncy house we get a gymnastics grade trampoline and a foam pit. 

SARAH: Okay. Everyone’s always like oh the foam pit. You know, the pit is hard to get out of. You get foam in your eyes sometimes.

KAYLA: Sarah, why don’t you like anything? Why do you have no joy?

SARAH: I do have joy, it’s just not like getting stuck in the pit and getting foam in your eyes when you have to clean out the pit and you have to throw all the blocks out and once you get to the bottom you’re like oh my god there’s so much fucking—

KAYLA: I don’t like you anymore.

SARAH: You know, at the bottom of pits though, very often, trampoline. Yeah that’s also my thing with trampoline places. It’s like—those aren’t even the good trampolines. And they’re like, no flipping and I’m like, what if I did gymnastics for fourteen years and I won’t kill myself. 

KAYLA: I have another idea.

SARAH: What?

KAYLA: Puppies and kittens for adoption. 

SARAH: Oh, yes. 

KAYLA: Yes!

SARAH: Rescues of course.

KAYLA: And older cats and dogs. 

SARAH: I feel like the older I get the more and more likely I think it becomes that I get a dog and a cat and a dog or a cat, I’m going to adopt an adult.

KAYLA: It is easier in some ways.

SARAH: It is and you know what you’re getting yourself into because you know what the animal is like, I mean they may come out of their shell a little bit but you know what they’re like. And you don’t have to deal with puppy. I love puppy but I don’t—it’s a lot of work.

KAYLA: They are a lot of energy.

SARAH: The other day Bogey was really testing my patience and I was home alone and Kyla wasn’t here and I was like, this is why I can’t have children. 

KAYLA: My cats were also being extra annoying yesterday and I was ready to give them away to the streets. 

(30:00)

SARAH: Anyway, that’s good. Also there needs to be a vetting system. Anyone can’t show up and be like “yeah I’ll take this puppy.” You have to have the right home for this dog. We’re not going to be willy nilly about throwing the animals to people. I think there should be a—ziplines aren’t exciting enough, I want something more exciting than a zipline.

KAYLA: Rock wall?

SARAH: That’s not more exciting than a zipline that’s a different experience. 

KAYLA: Kay.

SARAH: I don’t think ziplines are exciting enough but I refuse to go bungee jumping cause I’m afraid my back will break in two. So something—

KAYLA: Bungee jumping seems awful. I would much rather go skydiving. 

SARAH: Something in the realm of bungee jumping that isn’t bungee jumping. But it’s that level of thrill because a zipline is not enough. 

KAYLA: Am I making this up or is there a thing where there is a big tube where there’s air that pushes up and you can have one of those glider suits that makes you look like a flying squirrel and you can hover around. Am I making that up?

SARAH: Ohh, it’s like parasailing but it’s attached to you, right? More than it is with a—

KAYLA: It’s like a suit that has webbing and it looks like a suit that a flying squirrel has. 

SARAH: And it looks like the suit the villain in Despicable Me wears?

KAYLA: Yes and so you just kind of float around. They do it where it’s just a tube of air, a big plastic tube with air going upwards, a giant fan and you hang in the air. I don’t know that that’s that exciting cause you’re just in the air.

SARAH: That I’m not that interested in cause I’m sure you’re technically free falling but I want the height, I want the height of it, that’s the fun part. You know?

KAYLA: I don’t know how to help you. 

SARAH: Maybe we’ll do a nice great skydive or something. 

KAYLA: Confetti cannons but it’s—

SARAH: Biodegradable confetti?
KAYLA: Yeah that has seeds in it.

SARAH: Like wildflower seeds. That’s the thing about confetti is it’s so bad for the environment.

KAYLA: I just think about glitter too. Glitter is not good for the environment.

SARAH: Yeah I think that’s sublime.

KAYLA: Those lanterns from Tangled?

SARAH: Absolutely. Also biodegradable.

KAYLA: Also biodegradable. I feel like most of the time they’re paper.

SARAH: Yeah but sometimes there’s metal in them.

KAYLA: Yeah that’s true. I did them one time I cannot remember if there was metal in it. Fireworks. Ace and aro colored fireworks.

SARAH: Yeah fireworks are also kind of really wasteful but in a different way that I think they look cool so I accept fireworks.

KAYLA: We can have some things, you know?

SARAH: We can have some things. And as long as we’re not setting off fireworks in the middle of the night on a Tuesday. 

KAYLA: Or in a very dry area where there might be wildfires. A very wet area on a weekend.
SARAH: Or, exploding two tons worth of fireworks on a residential street at one time when you’re the LAPD.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Anyway I could go on about that for a really long time. I have so many thoughts on that. If you don’t know what I’m talking about just look it up. I think a nice—end it on, I don’t know if ending it on this would be the right call. I was going to say end it with a nice little concert. Just a nice little—some music, some live music. But then I was like, if we’re ending it on that, you’re probably pretty exhausted by that point and I do not want to have my senses assaulted by loud live music. I love live music I love concerts but it’s not what I want to do at the end of a long tiring interaction with other people.

KAYLA: I feel like it should be going on throughout the day. There should be a little stage somewhere. 

SARAH: Yeah. 

KAYLA: I think a high five booth instead of a kissing booth. Cause you can still kiss but I feel like high fives feel very aspec to me. 

SARAH: Yeah, high fives, fist bumps, secret handshakes. Yeah I think this is all good. Great I think this sounds like the perfect party and as a reminder it’s taking place in one square foot of Ireland.
KAYLA: Yup. It’s like that movie that came out where people could shrink and live in a mansion.
SARAH: Honey I Shrunk the Kids?

KAYLA: No no it was a recent movie. 

SARAH: I mean you’re talking about Honey I Shrunk the Kids. 

KAYLA: That’s not what I’m talking about.

SARAH: So, next year, 2022, the 31st of July, everyone roll up to our patch of Ireland and there’ll be a party.

KAYLA: Dude, I wish. 

SARAH: We have to read our podcast’s birth chart. Here’s the thing. Do we know what time our podcast was first posted? Cause we had to transfer it—

KAYLA: We post them now at 10 am.

SARAH: Right but we didn’t used to have any sort of schedule at all and when we first posted they were on Soundcloud and then everything got switched over to Buzzsprout.
KAYLA: It says 8pm. 

SARAH: Okay, sure.

KAYLA: So we can just go with that.

SARAH: And it was in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

KAYLA: Okay. It was the 31st of July, 2017 at 8pm. It says the state is Michigan/Detroit. Not really how it works but okay. Okay!

SARAH: I live in the state of Detroit. Speaking of things that start with a D, I keep watching to watch Stick It this week cause gymnastics. I might make Kyla watch it. 

KAYLA: We’re a Cancer.

SARAH: We’re a Cancer? No, we’re a Leo.
KAYLA: It says our sun is in Cancer.

SARAH: No, that’s not right. It’s Leo season.

KAYLA: I know that.

SARAH: I’m going to go on another website.

KAYLA: It took the wrong date. It said the 1st instead of the 31st. 

SARAH: Ohh I was going to say that’s not right.

KAYLA: Okay, we are a Leo. And a Scorpio. We’re a Leo and our moon is in Scorpio. The podcast is dignified, even noble.

SARAH: Even noble?
KAYLA: I don’t know. We have a reputation for being conceited but think again. We do feel important but this generally takes the form of wanting to change the world in some way to make the world a better place. Motivated by affection of people, often have big dreams and plans to make people happy. 

SARAH: Yay.

KAYLA: That’s nice. We’re hardworking.

SARAH: Capricorn risings exude a seriousness that is undeniable even when they’re joking around, they’re still serious. Their humor can be very deadpan. They give off an air of competence that’s funny. They’re self-aware people, I like to think we’re self-aware. We have a Scorpio moon. Our inner emotions are intense, Kayla.

KAYLA: Yeah. They are the first to blame themselves when something goes wrong. Uh oh.

SARAH: As a fixed sign, Scorpio moons are individuals that hold on tightly to the few people they let into their inner circle. As you all know, Kayla’s my only friend. And Miranda.
KAYLA: You’re also a fixed sign, you are very fixed. Masterful, likes authority, aspires towards an ideal, likes to give advice, honest, frank, loyal, open, sincere. Possible issues: pride, vanity, arrogance, presumption, disdain for others.

SARAH: Well, pride obviously.
KAYLA: Duh.

SARAH: Pride is fine because queer. This says that sun in Leo, they also love drama. What I think it should also say is they love drama but not participating in it.
KAYLA: They love to watch drama happen and talk about it. 

SARAH: They love to watch other people’s drama. They don’t want any part of it. Frequently Capricorn risings embrace a feeling of family and duty at a extremely youthful age. Ew. 

KAYLA: Yes?

SARAH: I don’t know why that was my reaction. The mysteriousness of Scorpio—this is Scorpio moon, gives them strong sexual energy, but they need a partner that still affirms that they are attractive.

KAYLA: Hmm. It seems like Scorpio moons are very emotional which is, i feel like we’re pretty emotional.

SARAH: Yeah but I don’t know that we have strong sexual energy. I mean, aspecs—

KAYLA: Maybe I do.
SARAH: Aspecs surely can but this is not aspecs in general, this is Sounds Fake But Okay the podcast. 

KAYLA: Yeah I wouldn’t say our podcast gives off a sexual energy.

SARAH: I mean I guess we do talk about sex kind of a lot for an aspec podcast.

KAYLA: A lot, yeah.

SARAH: But it’s very aspec lensed view of sex. I would also like to note that our podcast is only four years old, about to go to preschool, why are sexualizing a four year old, you know?

KAYLA: That’s fair. Well, that’s fun. 

SARAH: Our podcast is going to start preschool soon, very happy for it, I hope it succeeds. I’ve been referring to our podcast as a she recently I don’t know why.

KAYLA: I mean we are two women that run it so it makes sense.

SARAH: I guess, yeah. But yeah. That’s all. That’s just a little something we did at the end. Neither me or Kayla knows a lot about astrology. 

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: I don’t put any stock in it but we both know people who are invested in astrology and we support them in our lives so if you’re into astrology, tell us about all of the things our podcast is. I closed the tab and I already forgot. Leo sun—

KAYLA: Scorpio moon.
SARAH: Cancer rising? Capricorn rising. Okay, yeah, that’s all. Kayla we actually have a poll decided for this week. We had a poll decided for this week before we decided on the topic which is the opposite of what usually happens. Because it’s our birthday we wanted to just ask our listeners what’s your favorite episode? What have you enjoyed on this podcast? Maybe it’ll give us a weird insight into what the fuck our listeners’ preferences are that we don’t understand. 

KAYLA: Yeah I mean, four years, almost 200 episodes, it’s a lot to choose from.

SARAH: Delightful. Kayla, what’s your beef and your juice this week?

KAYLA: My juice is fries. I just love a french fry in general. My beef is Mexico.

SARAH: Okay. The whole country?

KAYLA: No, their government. There are five asexual people that are suing the Mexican government because they are forcing I believe conversion therapy onto aspec people from what I understand. 

SARAH: That’s not toasty and cool.

KAYLA: That’s not very cash money.

SARAH: No.

KAYLA: So yeah we recommend looking into that, trying to raise awareness if you can. We’ve had some people reach out to us asking if we can help raise awareness, if we know any media outlets that’d be willing to cover it so if you are not a Mexican citizen, I don’t know there’s much we can do on the lawsuit front but—

SARAH: We can boost that shit.

KAYLA: But it’s important to talk about so.

SARAH: That’s a good point.

KAYLA: Come on Mexican government.

SARAH: Please support your Mexican aspecs. My beef and juice is the Olympic women’s gymnastics. The juice is the gymnasts, the beef is the idiots, you know I’m not going to go into that one. I have a lot of things to say and if I start I will go forever. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your favorite episode of our podcast on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a patreon - patreon.com/soundsfakepod. And those patrons are going to get a discount on our new merch. Our $5 patrons who we are highlighting this week are the new patron George Ankers, thank you for joining the party, George. Jennifer Smart, Asritha  Vinnakota, Perry Fiero, and Dee you are all excellent. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Derek and Carissa who would like to promote the overthrow of heteronormativity of Melody the hamster who is scheming to do just that, and Khadir who would like to promote Cats named Gnocchi 'Feta' Fettuccine and Potater who would like to promote Potatoes which is very similar to Kayla’s this week. We really stan potatoes at this pod.

KAYLA: Yes.

SARAH: In basically all forms except when they get maggoty. Because apparently that happens.

KAYLA: That happens to any food.

SARAH: Potatoes they usually grow those sprouts but my roommate bought a bag of potatoes but then we were both gone from the apartment for a stretch of three days, no one was home so she turned off the AC and we live in Los Angeles. And as a result the potatoes got very maggoty somehow. Where did the maggots come from? I don’t know I’m very glad I never saw them because disposed of it before I got home but anyway that’s a real downer. Our other $10 patrons are Changeling MX, David Jay, The Stubby Tech, Simona Sajmon, Rosie Costello, Hector Murillo, Jay,  Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, anonymous, my aunt Jeannie, Cass, Doug Rice, H. Valdis, Barefoot Backpacker, The Steve, Ari K. and Mattie. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White - NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs, Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere, Andy A who would like to promote being in unions and IWW, Martin Chiesel who would like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One is, Leila, who would like to promote love is love also applying to aro people, Shrubbery who would like to promote the Planet Earth, Dia Chappell who would like to promote twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Sherronda J Brown who would like to promote Sherronda J Brown being Sherronda J Brown, Maggie Capalbo who would like to promote their dogs Minnie, Leia, and Loki, Andrew Hillum would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum podcast, and Dragonfly who would like to promote Sherronda J Brown being Sherronda J Brown. And our new merch. Our $20 patrons are Sarah T. who would like to promote long walks outside and HomHomofSpades who would like to promote getting enough Vitamin D. Thanks for listening, happy birthday to us. Thanks for being here for whether you’ve been here for four years or four hours, we appreciate you. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.

KAYLA: And until then take good care of your cows.