Sounds Fake But Okay

Ep 197: Turning Love Songs Into Death Songs

September 12, 2021 Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 197: Turning Love Songs Into Death Songs
Show Notes Transcript

Hey what's up hello! This week we take another stab (hehe pun) at changing up love songs. This time, we take the word love and change it into death!

Episode Transcript:   

TW: Frequent mention of death, illusions to suicide.


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SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)

KAYLA: … and a demisexual girl (that’s me, Kayla)

SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.

KAYLA: On today’s episode: (pause) (then quietly) yeah mm…. Making songs about death —

BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.

KAYLA: What would I have to pay you to just leave all of that in?


SARAH: Really long fucking pause.

(Intro song)

SARAH: Welcome back to the Pod! It’s been a while.

KAYLA: Uh Mmmmmmmm’eridith?

SARAH: Like the woman from The Parent Trap?

KAYLA: Yeah also the woman from this one really good season of The Amazing race — actually it was a man, it was a man named Meredith. Excuse me.

SARAH: Oh! Okay. Good for them, good for them both, both the fictional character and the man from The Amazing Race.


SARAH: I have to sneeze.

KAYLA: Okay!

SARAH: Which means I’m not going to because I announced it.

KAYLA: Oh. My cat has been doing a lot of sneezing ever since we came back home, won’t stop sneezing and I don’t know what’s going on there.

SARAH: She’s got the sneezies.

KAYLA: She does.

SARAH: Hey! It’s been a little while since we’ve recorded a podcast. I know we were only gone for one week but it’s been almost a full two weeks since we last recorded.

KAYLA: (wheeze) It feels like a very long time.

SARAH: I don’t know who I am anymore.

KAYLA: Me either.

SARAH: We must have housekeeping? What the fuck is it?

KAYLA: I mean I certainly have business questions for you that I need to ask before we get off the phone. But no one else needs to hear that.

SARAH: They don’t need to be heard live on the pod.

KAYLA: No, that’s just business. We’re two businesswomen. I don’t know that we do have housekeeping. Buy our merch, become a patron, umm--

SARAH: Donate to Dear Luke, Love, Me, it’s still open.

KAYLA: It’s still happening. Sarah did fix her fridge, she didn’t fix it, she got it fixed.

SARAH: I—  A man fixed it, I had to throw away- Okay, so the reason we didn’t have a podcast last week for those of you who maybe don’t follow us on social media and were like “Huh! weird that we’re missing an episode.”

KAYLA: Hm! Interesting!

SARAH: Uh personally my fridge broke and I had to throw away all of my food, it smelled pretty bad and it was full of food. I had just gone grocery shopping. I had to throw away about $200-$250 worth of food. Also I had to throw away all of my roommate’s food and she's about to get back from being back home for a while and she’s gonna have no food because I had to throw it all away.

KAYLA: And on a very similar level of severity — 


KAYLA: uh my place of living was hit by a hurricane! Uh I’m fine and everyone is — everyone that I know personally is fine because the hurricane changed paths at the last minute and didn’t hit us like it was supposed to. But a lot of people are not fine, so if you’re interested the Cajun Navy is a really good thing to donate to. Do you know what the Cajun Navy is Sarah? I just recently learned.

SARAH: No but I saw that you posted about it once, so I was like “Oh I’m sure they’re good”.

KAYLA: So I just learned about them this hurricane— 

SARAH: (laughing) this hurricane!

KAYLA: But they are a group of people that have been like doing stuff since Katrina. It’s a bunch of people that don’t live super close to the coast so they don’t get hurt as bad by hurricanes. And during or when hurricanes are about to happen, they will drive towards the hurricane with their little boats.


KAYLA: What are they called? There’s a Louisiana word that my friend always uses.

SARAH: A little boat!

KAYLA: Yeah, like little boats, and they drive through flooded areas and rescue people from their houses when emergency vehicles aren’t deployed yet or like— 

SARAH: — can’t.

KAYLA: So it's a bunch of citizens doing stuff and saving people. And-

SARAH: That’s nice!

KAYLA: It’s pretty neat! I didn’t see this personally, but I guess a lot of times you’ll see there’s a heavy stream of traffic leaving the New Orleans area going north, and then going south is a huge line of people with boats hitched to their cars going towards the hurricane-


KAYLA: Which seems like a cool sight. Anyway.

SARAH: Good to know! Everyone’s all good. My fridge is cold again, Kayla’s back in Louisiana, but the vibes were off last week which is why we didn’t record the pod-


KAYLA: The vibes were not— yeah. Not going to happen, yeah. I drove for two days to go back to Michigan with four people and three animals. So.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Was not about to record a podcast.

SARAH: You got some really cute cat pics, though.

KAYLA: Oh yes that’s true.

SARAH: Kayla what are we talking about this week?

KAYLA: This week we’re doing another classic song episode. 


KAYLA: This time instead of taking romantic and sexual songs and making them platonic or something like that we are going to make them about death so-

SARAH: Yes so this was— 

KAYLA: I don’t remember where this idea came from.

SARAH: I do! It was inspired by a tweet that I saw from Jay Kogen that says “it bothers me that there are a lot of songs where you can replace the word love with the word death and it would still make sense” Examples given include: “Sooner or later death is gonna get you” and “The look of death is in your eyes the look your smile can’t disguise”.

KAYLA: (laughs)

SARAH: So I was like I think we can do something with this! What we are gonna do is replace in song titles, song lyrics, the noun form of love becomes death, and the verb form becomes kill because it’s not the same word, but you know you get it.

KAYLA: Mhm I know English!

SARAH: Yeah, and uhh we’re just gonna see what kind of art we can create.

KAYLA: Yeah. As always Sarah has prepared extensively, a little too much in fact, and all I have done is found a list of sexual songs for myself. So.

SARAH: Yeah, I had to delete some things off my list because it was too long and it just wasn’t meeting— they weren’t at the right level, you know.

KAYLA: I do want— So I’m going to be pulling from a list called 50 Sensual Songs to Add to Your Sex Playlist, and we started talking about this before we started recording, but then I was like I want the people to hear this. So I would like Sarah to try to guess— 

SARAH: She wanted my live reaction.

KAYLA: I want Sarah’s live reaction and I want her to guess what publication posted this article on the internet.

SARAH: Now if you were just asking, and you weren’t like surprised by what it was, I’d be like “I dunno Cosmo”? But because of your reaction to it I’m like, I dunno fuckin’ New York Times? 


SARAH: The Wall Street Journal?!

KAYLA: Even weirder than those I think.

SARAH: The US Government?

KAYLA: Mm, close? Not really, in a sense.

SARAH: Justin Trudeau??


SARAH: What is it?

KAYLA: It’s Oprah Daily.

SARAH: Oh. Eh. I can sort of see it.

KAYLA: I cannot! Oprah has never done content about sex to my knowledge.

SARAH: No, but if you think about her magazine— 

KAYLA: I don’t know man.

SARAH: And the audience that it’s tailored to.

KAYLA: I don’t know.

SARAH: Are you saying Oprah is equivalent to the government?

KAYLA: D- I’m just saying they’re on a similar level in terms of like, you know Oprah has a cult following and so does the government.

SARAH: That's true. That’s so true! And one of those followings is better than the other.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Okay. That's interesting. Well, since I came more prepared, I assume you want me to go first?

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Mmkay, so, my first song that I came up with is a song that we have used before in these types of episodes, it is At Last by Edda James. Because at last, Kayla, my death has come along.

KAYLA: Now this is very good.

SARAH: I’ve been waiting for it, you know.

KAYLA: Oh, oh yes. Okay, so what did we say, that love as a noun is-

SARAH: becomes death and as a verb becomes kill.

KAYLA: Okay, so the second song on this article for Oprah is Love to Love You Baby by Donna Summer, so that would be Killed to Death — Killed to Death You Baby, killed you to death baby.

SARAH: No, no I Killed to Kill You because it’s a verb in both forms.

KAYLA: Ohh, that’s true.

SARAH: I’d kill to kill you baby.

KAYLA: I killed to kill you, which makes a little— maybe I wanted to kill you so bad I killed someone else.

SARAH: (laughs) I kill— 

KAYLA: I killed— I killllled to, I killed to kill you. Wait, I want to look at the lyrics for this one.

SARAH: I would kill someone else for the opportunity to kill you

KAYLA: Which, do I feel that way about certain people? A little. Wow, most of the lyrics in this song, not shockingly I guess, are “I love to love you baby” just over and over and over again.

SARAH: over and over again.

KAYLA: that’s actually—  I would say there’s only maybe 8 lyrics that aren’t that. So.

SARAH: Okay.


KAYLA: “I kill to kill you baby when you’re laying so close to me, there’s no place I’d rather you be.” That’s… menacing.

SARAH: (laughs) That’s so menacing!

KAYLA: Donna. Donna!

SARAH: Okay, my next one is Seasons of Love from Rent.

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: Specifically though the part where they’re like, they’re talking about how you measure a life in love. No you measure a life in death baby! It’s the only thing we’re guaranteed.

KAYLA: Which, I mean, yes! Technically.

SARAH: It is the only thing we’re guaranteed!

KAYLA: Technically yes.

SARAH: So we should measure a life in death.

KAYLA: Makes sense… Let's see.

SARAH: I have one!

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: It’s Cause I Love You by Lizzo. 

KAYLA: Uhuh.

SARAH: Cause I Kill You I guess? But I do think Cause I Death You is funnier.

KAYLA: Isn’t there a lyric that's like “I’m cryin cause I love you”?

SARAH: Yeah that’s a thing (nasal singing voice) I’m cryin cause I killed you~

KAYLA: (singing also) Cause I killed you~ This is a song called I want your sex by George Micheal.


KAYLA: Just, I guess we can turn sex into death as well.

SARAH: (laughs) I want your death.

KAYLA: (speaking lyrics) I want your death, I want your death, I want your death, I want your death, it’s playing on my mind, it’s dancing on my soul, it’s taking soo much time

SARAH: It’s dancing on my soul!

KAYLA: Like why don’t you just — then I tell you that I killed you but you still say no, I swear I won’t tease you, I don’t need no bible, just look into my eyes I’ve waited so long. (laughs) These are turning into like serial-killer-esque like

SARAH: No, there are some real creepy ones that we’re gonna get to

KAYLA: Because I am obs- Because love songs are like, very obse-

SARAH: It’s about passion.

KAYLA: It’s very obsessive.

SARAH: Yeah. Yeah.

KAYLA: “Sex is natural, sex is good.” Okay, even the lyrics on this song regular… George. Very horny man. You’re a very horny man George.

SARAH: George. Uhm. My next one is Kill This Love by Black Pink. It could be Kill This Death-

KAYLA: I love that.

SARAH: But it could also be Kill This Kill.

KAYLA: And that I love.

SARAH: Alternatively Love This Kill, Love This Death?

KAYLA: Even better.

SARAH: SO many options just to make it fair.

KAYLA: Kill the—  I kill this kill.

SARAH: Kill this kill. The word kill doesn’t look very real to me anymore. I’ve been staring at it too long.

KAYLA: So this is a song called Cashmere Cat by Adore feat. Ariana Grande. 

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: Yea a lot of these are very explicit but don’t say a lot of the word love, but this one looks like — I’ve never heard this song, but it looks like the chorus is “You got me screamin’ my my my my my my my, you got me screamin’ and then I’m like Oh you love” Oh your death!

SARAH: Oh your murder.

KAYLA: (speaking modified lyrics) “After that when you catch your breath you look at me and say death are you real?”

SARAH: I mean...

KAYLA: (cont.) Just don’t pretend you’re just a friend.

SARAH: It’s a good question.

KAYLA: Death, are you real???

SARAH: Yeah, that’s fair. My next one is How Deep is Your Love because How Deep is Your Death? It’s usually about six feet under.

KAYLA: Yeah, unless you’re like in an urn then it could be right there.

SARAH: Or like at some cemeteries you can stack people underneath each other.

KAYLA: We don’t need to get into this conversation again.

SARAH: We (laughs) We don’t.

KAYLA: I know we’ve talked about the problem of fitting too many people on the Earth on this podcast, I’m sure we must have.

SARAH: Yeah, we need-

KAYLA: But Sarah’s roommate works at a cemetery.

SARAH: She temps at a cemetery and so she knows things.

KAYLA: So one time we- we had a call, I called Sarah and her roommate, I was facetiming with them and we had an extensive conversation about her expertise on--

SARAH: storing the dead people.

KAYLA: storing the bodies.

SARAH: Anyways my next one is You Get The Best of My Love. Which at first I was like this one’s okay like You Get the Best of My Death. But when I think about it, what is the best of my death? Like are you trying to make the best out of the fact that this person died? Or did you just fucking make a fortune off this person dying?

KAYLA: Like is this the best?

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Or is it like the best murder? Like this is the best death.

SARAH: Yeah are you making the best of it just being like (teary voice) “Well I guess I don’t have to worry about driving across town in all that traffic to see them anymore” Or like you know what is the best of my death?


KAYLA: Here’s a song, I’ve switched articles because that one, the songs are more like about sex—

SARAH: A lot of the sexy ones didn’t include the word love as much.

KAYLA: Right. So I did look up — well I’m also doing sex and turning that into death 

SARAH: Yeah that’s fair.

KAYLA: — this is a song called Birthday Sex.

SARAH: Birthday Death.

KAYLA: So I think Birthday Death, uhmm, “don’t need candles and cake, just need your body to make, birthday death, birthday death, birthday death, birthday death”


SARAH: (singing) I just need your body to make birthday death~

KAYLA: “been dreaming about your death girl. Girl you know I, girl you know I, don’t need candles and cake just need your body to make, birthday death” I’ve been dreamin’ about it!

SARAH: So fuckin’ morbid, oh god.

KAYLA: See these ones are just like — this is some Dexter shit! Of just like-

SARAH: Yeah! That’s what it turns into.

KAYLA: -I’m a creep.

SARAH: Here’s my next one You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi.


SARAH: And you know what the grim reaper does give death a bad name. The grim reaper scares people away.

KAYLA: I mean I do think that death gives death a bad name. I don’t think we can put that-

SARAH: The grim reaper has a fuckin’ scythe or however you pronounce that word!

KAYLA: But the grim reaper in The Sims is pretty funny, you can like woohoo with him.

SARAH: Do you base most of your understanding of the world off of the sims?

KAYLA: I do watch a lot of The Sims.

SARAH: Okay. So like you often just pee yourself in your own home because you’re busy doing dishes…?

KAYLA: Okay here’s the thing if either of us were going to do this it would be you.

SARAH: (laughs) I wouldn’t pee myself.

KAYLA: Sarah, we were ju— Sarah found this infographic recently of ADHD symptoms that people don’t really talk about.

SARAH: It was like the ADHD symptoms that you think are there, and then the what’s under the iceberg of like what actually ADHD symptoms are. It was like a game of bingo.

KAYLA: Yeah, Sarah highlighted the vast majority of them. Which was fun because there things I don't think just things I think are Oh that's just how Sarah operates and how I accommodate her when we work together not things I’m often like that’s like ADHD, that’s just how Sarah is. Anyway one of them was forgetting to go to the bathroom--

SARAH: Forgetting to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom.

KAYLA: Which is something you do very often.

SARAH: Yeah, I often will like be super hungry at dinner because I’ve just been like, I don’t wanna make dinner right now I’m busy, and then it’s 8 o’clock at night and I’m like I’m gonna fuckin’ starve!


SARAH: I have one that just came up several times, there’s a lot of options — there’s lots of songs called Love Yourself.


SARAH: So that just puts you right in the kill yourself category.

KAYLA: Not great, not amazing.

SARAH: A little of a downer which is why I kind of didn’t want to focus there. I would like to focus more on murder than suicide, I think, in this context.

KAYLA: So I have a song called Love Sex Magic, so.

SARAH: Mhm. Love Death Magic?

KAYLA: Love Death Magic, Death Death Magic.

SARAH: It could also be like— Oh right Death Death Magic.

KAYLA: I think is what it is.

SARAH: Kill Death Magic, Death Kill Magic.

KAYLA: Kill Death Magic I like a lot. “I bet you know what I mean, because you know that I can make you believe, in Death” — what did we say it was kill?

SARAH: Kill Death Magic.

KAYLA: “Cause you know that I can make you believe in Kill and Death and Magic”

SARAH: (laughs) I can make you believe in Kill.

KAYLA: Mhm. “So let me drive my body around ya’” Imagine someone killing you and just like getting in one of those small child cars and just driving— (devolves into laughter)

SARAH: (laughing) I’m imagining one of those like child cars, but it's supposed to look like a pickup truck and so (wheezes)

KAYLA: Or like you know when you’re playing with a child and they have their hotwheels and they drive them all over your body? You just die and the child is like “mm obstacle course”.

SARAH: I love this dead person obstacle parkour course.

KAYLA: Oh noo.

SARAH: I have one: The Endless Love by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, I really just wanted to go with Endless Death, you know? I think that’s nice.


SARAH: That’s what it is you know.

KAYLA: Um so I have Sex and Candy.

SARAH: Death and Candy.


KAYLA: I’m really getting a lot of songs that I’ve never heard of from this weird list which I like, we need to mix it up.

SARAH: It’s almost like that's not your genre of music, weird.

KAYLA: Well yeah and a lot of these songs are like a little bit older. But anyway, Sex and c— Death and Candy, “I smell Death and Candy here, who’s that lounging in my chair? Who’s that casting deviou-- “ (devolves into laughter)

SARAH: (laughing) This is so fucking funny, “I smell death and candy” what a fun little combination! It’s like you’re at a funeral home and they’ve got a bunch of candy on the counter!

KAYLA: It’s like those like hard candy that your grandma has in a dish— 

SARAH: Exactly, that’s exactly what I’m thinking of.

KAYLA: Honestly that’s kinda like what some old people’s houses smell like. You’re a little too close to death and you have a bunch of stale candy in a dish.

SARAH: Uhuh. In crackly plastic.

KAYLA: And also those uh cookie tins that they just put their sowing and shit in.

SARAH: Yup, Uh huh. Of course, there’s never any cookies in those tins. My grandparents used to used empty margarine containers as tupperware-

KAYLA: Yeah same.

SARAH: So you’d be looking for the butter but no these are green beans--

KAYLA: It’s potato salad. Yeah. What I also love is “I smell Death and Candy here” and then “Who’s that lounging in my chair?”

SARAH: Who is it?? Really who is it?

KAYLA: So even when you take this song at— 

SARAH: The grim reaper?

KAYLA: I would just like to read you the majority of these song lyrics because um help “hangin’ round downtown by my self, and I had so much time to sit and think about myself, and then there she was like double cherry pie, yeah there she was like disco superfly” and then it’s about smelling sex and candy, “who’s lounging in my chair casting devious stares in my direction.”

SARAH: Where’s your chair? Is this person in your home?

KAYLA: Right because we said we were downtown, so is this like your regular seat at the bar?

SARAH: Do you have a throne downtown?

KAYLA: Uh “Hangin round downtown by myself and I had too much caffeine, and I was thinkin’ about myself and then there she was in platform double suede-

SARAH: Platform double suede?!

KAYLA: And there she was like disco — sh — like disco lemonade.

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: I need to listen to this song. I’m keeping this tab up because — can I play a little for the podcast? Holdup.

SARAH: It’ll take too long to find the good bit.

KAYLA: No. Okay, you do the next one.

SARAH: Okay. My next one is uh I Love You LIke A Love Song because (singing)“I-I kill you like a death song baby” I think is really a delightful sentence.

KAYLA: I agree. I found… this looks like a weird-


(sounds of a video playing screaming and shouting begin to play, and then the song Sex and Candy starts playing, it’s slow and almost dreary.)

KAYLA: This is-

SARAH: This weird.

KAYLA: You should see this music video.

SARAH: This was not what I expected.

KAYLA: Yeah I thought it was gonna be like upbeat kinda fun.

SARAH: Yeah!

KAYLA: Uh! Uh! Now there’s a tarantula!

SARAH: What year did this come out?

(song stops playing)

KAYLA: Okay, I- Everyone needs to look up Marcy Playground Sex and Candy official music video on the like Vevo music video on Youtube. This is the most bizarre music video— There is a man sticking his head out of this kind of like circus thing, and then a tarantula gets let out of a jar and then its big and walking around-

SARAH: Why is everything so green?

KAYLA: I’m really upset.

SARAH: I thought it was gonna be some upbeat 70s-

KAYLA: I thought it was gonna be disco!

SARAH: 80s, disco, maybe some synth. I did not expect it to be 90s alt.

KAYLA: I really — and when I saw it was by Marcy Playground, I assumed it was by a woman named Marcy not a sad man.

SARAH: Not a band called Marcy Playground.

KAYLA: Um I would really suggest that everyone go and watch this terrible video.

SARAH: I’m shook, it has 35 million views.

KAYLA: I know.


SARAH: Okay. 

KAYLA: There is a Wikipedia page about it. I wonder if it’s about how bizarre it is.


SARAH: Okay, I’m gonna do my next one. My next song is Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. Uh- Bleeding Death? Cause like if you do bleed enough you will die.

KAYLA: You will absolutely die.

SARAH: So I think it’s just an accurate representation of what it is to be human, you know. Bleeding Death.

KAYLA: Mhm. It’s very deep. Very deep. I have a really good one for you. Are you ready?

SARAH: Uh huh.

KAYLA: The song is called Get Up I Feel Like A Sex Machine. Um.

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: So Get Up I Feel Like A Death Machine is what it’s really going for.

SARAH: I feel like a death machine (laughs).

KAYLA: “Fellas I’m ready to get up and do my thing, I wanna get into man, you know? Like a like a death machine man, movin’ and doin’ it, you know?-”

SARAH: (laughs) Movin’ and Doin’ it!

KAYLA: “Can I count it off? I am movin’ shake your arm, use your form, stay on the scene like a death machine.”

SARAH: Like a death machine...

KAYLA: “You’ve got to have the feeling sure as you're born.”

SARAH: Even though you’re dea- You’ve got to really feel it in your bones to really death correctly, to kill correctly. 

KAYLA: Yeeeeah.

SARAH: And you gotta shake those arms.

KAYLA: This is a really long- Oh “Stay on the scene like a lovin’ machine” “Stay on the scene like a killin’ machine” This is a very long long song. 

SARAH: Is it a long song or just a lot of lyrics.

KAYLA: I guess it could be kind of fast, it’s a lot of lyrics

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: I guess I don’t know how long it is, it’s just a lot.

SARAH: Good.

KAYLA: James Brown said “I have a lot to say on this matter”

SARAH: Oh is this James Brown?

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Amazing. Um, my next one is Savage Love by Jason Derulo.

KAYLA: Hello Jason Derulo.

SARAH: Cause Savage Death. Like yeah sure.

KAYLA: Savage Death~!

SARAH: The thing that really gets me is the (singing) “Did somebody, did somebody break your heart” section because it could be literal, you know?

KAYLA: Did someone break your leg?

SARAH: Like did they literally stab you in the heart and that’s why you’re savage dead, you know?

KAYLA: (laughs) Savage dead! Um, I brought to you this song-

SARAH: And there’s this thing, you know I don’t give to fucks, because you know?


SARAH: You know? You don’t.

KAYLA: I’ve brought to you this song Sex on Fire.

SARAH: Ahhh a classic. Honestly, that's a really good song.

KAYLA: You- it is a really good song. “You’re death is on fire” Uhhh “Hot” No “ Your death is on fire consumed about what’s to transpire, hot as fever, rattling bones.” Now this song has very few lyrics, very short song this one.

SARAH: (vocalizing) Hhheeeeeeeoooooohhh. I don’t think it’s a short song, I think it's a repetitive, and very instrumental stuff.

KAYLA: Fair. Anyway, your death is on fire.

SARAH: It is on fire. Um my next one is Somebody to Love by Queen because Somebody to Kill, we should all have somebody to kill.

KAYLA: Well I do. 

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: I want you to know there are people on my list.

SARAH: Yeah. I have another one, it’s Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith. I don’t think I actually know this song, but when I saw the title I just loved the concept of death in an elevator.

KAYLA: I do love that. I do love that a lot.

SARAH: Like what does that mean, are we talking grim reaper? Are we talking someone dies in an elevator? Are we talking you get stuck in an elevator in a morgue? Or like stuck in an elevator with a dead body with a cadaver. What does death in an elevator mean? There are so many things. And I just think that's a great thing to think-

KAYLA: It’s also just such a difficult murder to pull off to kill someone in an elevator. Like there is no way you can get away with it. Right?


KAYLA: Ope it’s trying to play a song. Hello.

SARAH: Yeah, that seems impossible.

KAYLA: I have now brought you the song I Wanna Sex You Up. 

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: I wanna — 

SARAH: I Wanna Death You Up.

KAYLA: I Wanna Kill You Up

SARAH: I think I wanna death you up is funnier.

KAYLA: That’s fair. Um “I wanna love- I wanna kill you down, I wanna s- I wanna k- death you up”

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: “all night”



KAYLA: That’s all.

SARAH: Good! 

KAYLA: “Makin death until we drown”

SARAH: (singing) “Making death until we drown, Making drown until we death” My next one is Where is the Love by the Black Eyed Peas. Now there’s not a specific lyric on this one, it’s just you know “Where is the death” but the whole- the purpose of this song, they’re asking, you know the world is so bad people are dying, people are going hungry, where is the love? And I think there is a really delightful alternate universe version of this song where they’re asking why is the world so good, where is the pain and suffering where is the death?


SARAH: I think that’s just an interesting alternate universe.


KAYLA: I agree. I will tell you that outside my window right now there’s a family that lives on my street where they have one of those cars for children to ride around in. So there’s a bunch of people just hanging around on the street, neighbors talking — wouldn’t know what that’s like I don’t talk to anyone — um and the man is just like dri— cause it’s a remote control child car--

SARAH: a remote control child (laughs)

KAYLA: This man is just— yeah it’s a big enough car for a child, but the parent drives it.

SARAH: It’s a remote control child.

KAYLA: Yeah but there’s no child in it right now, the man is just driving it and he ran it into the back of his friend, so I do think I just witnessed a murder.

SARAH: (laughs) One time when we were young, our neighbor — who is now a fuckin’ fully grown adult— he’s like a senior in high school or something. 


SARAH: He rammed one of those cars into my sister, but my sister was standing against a fence — 


SARAH: So my sister got pinned between the car and the fence.


KAYLA: Oh noo. Anyway. Sarah. 

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Let’s talk about death baby.

SARAH: Let’s talk about death baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things, all bad things that may be.

KAYLA: Let’s talk about death. A little bit, a little bit.

SARAH: A little bit a little bit. The next one I thought was really inspired and I just thought of this myself. 

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: It’s Wannabe by the Spice Girls “If you wanna be my killer you gotta get with my friends.”

KAYLA: (Laughs but it turns into a high pitched wheeze) Um-

SARAH: Which is — honestly its very true, they could give intel on how to kill you effectively.

KAYLA: It’s true.

SARAH: Like they know where you are maybe?

KAYLA: The wording in that song is still a little weird. Well- I just discovered a song that I’ve never heard of before and that seems very depressing.

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: And its called Tired of Sex.

SARAH: Okay?

KAYLA: By Weezer. Tired of death “I’m tired so tired-”

SARAH: By Weezer? I’m sure this is very downer.

KAYLA: Uh yeah. “I’m tired, so tired, I’m tired of having death, so tired, I’m spread so thin, I don’t know who I am, Monday night I’m makin’ Jen, Tuesday night I’m makin’ Lynn, Wednesday night I’m makin’...Catherine,” maybe it’s mackin I think it's mackin.

SARAH: I think it’s mackin.

KAYLA: “oh why can’t I be mackin’” Maybe it is makin’? “Why can’t I be makin’ death come true, help help” (laughs) Weezer, Weezer please!

SARAH: I think I saw Weezer live once because they were with- it was like a combined concert-

KAYLA: I was meant to! I was meant to go to the Weezer, Fall Out Boy, Green Day concerT- Then covid happened.

SARAH: Hm, I’ve never seen Fall Out Boy. I think it was Panic! at the Disco, but I just checked my concert list and its not listed, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything because towards the end there I got really bad about documenting things.


SARAH: Anyway… Where am I? Who am I? And what birthday is it? Okay. Here’s one. Dream Lover by Mariah Carey? No. Dream killer.

KAYLA: I like dream deather!

SARAH: Dream deather! Now, this could mean like oh it's the killer of dreams, like oh my mom wouldn’t let me go to the Olympics what a dream killer! But I prefer the version where someone in your dream is trying to kill you.

KAYLA: I like an Inception moment where someone in your dreams is literally trying to kill you.

SARAH: Yeah, I think that's good, I think it's really excellent.

KAYLA: There’s this song by Prince called Sexy Motherfucker.

SARAH: Good!

KAYLA: “Come here baby, yeah, you deathy motherfucker”

SARAH: Good. You know as I was preparing this I did rediscover the song Raspberry Beret. It wasn’t a rediscovery, it was just that I was reminded of it and I was like “wow what a good song that is!” That’s all. 

KAYLA: Okay!

SARAH: My next one is I Wanna Dance With Somebody, of course, by Whitney Houston.


SARAH: “I wanna dance with somebody who kills me”.


SARAH: You know?

KAYLA: Is that like a kink situation?

SARAH: I don’t know, maybe it's like I kinda wanna die, but I wanna dance first. I wanna have a good time before I go out.

KAYLA: So like a last dance.

SARAH: A last huzzah situation.

KAYLA: A last chance tonight.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: “You’ve lost that deathin- ki- you’ve lost that killin’ feelin’”

SARAH: Not the killin’ feelin’! I love the killin’ feelin’ I don’t wanna lose it!

KAYLA: “You lost that killin’ feelin’. If only you would kill me like you used to.”(laugh) “We had a death, a death, a death you don’t find everyday, I need your death, so bring it on back”

SARAH: In some— I’m trying to remember exactly what it is from but there are some poetry, like old poetry, where people refer to death and like the- the modern, there’s a modern interpretation that death could be a euphemism for having an orgasm in this situation?

KAYLA: Isn’t it— a word for orgasm, a small death or something?

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: I feel like I’ve heard that before, which is bizarre.

SARAH: I remember learning about this in freshman year of college. And I was like Ah yes this is college-

KAYLA: I thought you were going to say high school! I was like what was your high school letting you, do my high school would never!

SARAH: No it was in college.

KAYLA: Okay. I’m gonna look that up: A small death.

SARAH: It was when I got pinkeye.

KAYLA: WE got pinkeye.

SARAH: No but, what were we seeing wh— the DAY I got pinkeye?

KAYLA: What were we seeing? Oh, we saw— there’s a picture from that day—

SARAH: I know.

KAYLA: It was some sort of play or something.

SARAH: It was a modern adap- or a it was a Greek something.

KAYLA: I don’t remember.

SARAH: And I think it was when we were talking about that, that it came up. But now I can’t fuckin’ remember...

KAYLA: There’s… Anyway, A little death is a metaphor for a sexual orgasm.

SARAH: As opposed to a non-sexual orgasm? I mean I guess.

KAYLA: I guess you can have an orgasm— there’s people who have clinical orgasms where they like-

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Can’t stop having orgasms in the middle of the day.

SARAH: I’ve heard of situations where people like accidentally give themselves an orgasm from doing an ab workout, like just- something happens and they just-

KAYLA: Huh, if working out felt that way, then I might be more inclined to actually work out but instead it just hurts!


KAYLA: You know?

SARAH: I think ab workouts are the best kids of workouts but no one agrees with me in the entire— 

KAYLA: I’ve done ab workouts with you and it is awful.

SARAH: I’ve been doing - for the past couple of months - I’ve been trying to do semi-regularly ab workouts from Chloe Ting on Youtube. And they kill ME, so like if they’re really horrible for me I can’t imagine what you would do.

KAYLA: I would pass- I can’t even do a 5 minute easy ab without being like “I give up”

SARAH: Whereas my— abs are the only strength that I maintained. So-

KAYLA: Yeah you do be having those abs, though.

SARAH: I mean, not anymore.

KAYLA: Pff. I mean I’m sure they’re in there.

SARAH: Oh I mean, everyone has abs in there, it’s just whether or not you can see them.

KAYLA: Well they’re stronger than mine, so.

SARAH: My next one is We Found Love by Rhianna, “We found death in a hopeless place” It's more realistic and it's also very Vormir vibes, that’s the planet where — spoiler, spoiler Endgame spoiler — where Natasha dies where the soul stone is. Um, and I think that’s, it just really gives me those kinds of vibes, that we found death in a hopeless place.

KAYLA: You know when I watched the Black Widow movie and enjoyed it very much, I had forgotten that--

SARAH: She’s dead.

KAYLA: That she died in Endgame. Like it just kinda like--

SARAH: And then you got to the end and she’s dead and you’re like Fuck.

KAYLA: I got to the end and I was like “Oh Yeah”. But I was like” Oh I can’t wait to see more of her and her sister interact in movies, like I enjoy this dynamic”, and then the end happened and I was like “Fuck!”

SARAH: Yeah. I mean it’ll be good to see um Yelena on the Hawkeye show, that’ll be good.

KAYLA: Yeah, and also let me say to all the men listening: You are not allowed to have a crush on Florence Pugh. She’s for the women, you can’t have her.

SARAH: She’s for the women and the nonbinary folks.

KAYLA: You can’t have her.

SARAH: You can’t have her.

KAYLA: Anyway. I have a song called Sexual Healing.

SARAH: Okay. Actually— 

KAYLA: I’m just trying to make it work.

SARAH: That’s- no hold on— there’s- here’s I actually have that one.

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: I saw the line from Sexual Healing where he said “Baby I’m hot just like an oven, I need some lovin’”

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: When swapped for death, this is about a crematorium.

KAYLA: Oh my god, Sarah. I feel like people aren’t going to like this episode.


SARAH: “Baby I’m hot just like an oven, I need some death”

KAYLA: I need some killin’. I need some Killin’

SARAH: You say people aren’t going to like it so which almost a sure-fire way proof that they will.

KAYLA: That’s true it’s always the episodes that we hate that are the ones--

SARAH: I don’t hate this episode!

KAYLA: I don’t hate it. I do feel the need to tell people we are not making fun of death, just in case anyone decide to get ridiculous.

SARAH: Oh no. It’s just- we’re both the type of people who joke about death. The other day, the other day at work we were trying to figure out what the plot of Gone Girl was, and I was like “Oh you know, um, my grandma read Gone Girl, I would ask her but she’s dead” and like to me that’s a funny joke, but not to everyone else.

KAYLA: Oh if you want death jokes you should see Sarah and her family at a funeral, that is wild.

SARAH: We put the fun in funeral.

KAYLA: Sarah’s family at a funeral is a party.

SARAH: I think one time my sister texted me and was like “remember when we were listening to My House by Flo Rida in the car and then Grandma died?”

KAYLA: (laughs) I do- I remember this text and I wasn’t even there.

SARAH: I mean I found out that my grandpa died when I was in a Wendy’s, she was in a Costco--


SARAH: Anyway! Okay, okay, but this whole crematorium thing-

KAYLA: Uh huh.

SARAH: To which I said, okay speaking of Marvin Gaye, is the word love used in Let’s Get It On? And you know what? It is. So “I’ve been really trying, baby, trying to hold back this feelin’ for so long, and if you feel like I feel baby, then come on, come on, come on, whoa, let’s get it on. Ah baby let’s get it on, let’s kill baby.” (laughs)

KAYLA: Oh my god. I have just found the best- I’ve found the best one.

SARAH: Okay. I have two more, so- 

KAYLA: Um, Blood, Sex, and Booze by Green Day. 

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: This one they already did for us Blood Death and Booze, there is already a line that says, “to be learned from a girl called kill, my head is in the gutter” this one is already- “Let them eat my flesh, down to the wood, it feels so g-” 

SARAH: Down to the wood?!

KAYLA: Now that’s phallic, Mr. Green Day.

SARAH: That’s very phallic (laughs).

KAYLA: And you know what you did. You- this is a very - I’ve never heard of this song? Does Dean know about this? Dean loves Green Day, does he know they did this? Because this song is-

SARAH: It might be a B-side.

KAYLA: “These handcuffs are too tight, and you know I will obey, so don’t make me beg for blood sex and booze” Um Green Day, stop being so horny on main.

SARAH: Very kinky.

KAYLA: Anyway.

SARAH: Um, my second to last one is I’ll Make Love To You, so “I’ll make death to you like you want me to” Is that assisted suicide?

KAYLA: Uhh yes-

SARAH: Because it’s “like you want me to”

KAYLA: which we do- I support.

SARAH: I haven’t really thought about it much, but.

KAYLA: I’ve listened to some podcasts about people who like do work with assisted suicide for like older people with really bad terminal illnesses, and they like, these people, I forget there’s a name for it like angel something for people that do this-

SARAH: Yeah, like the opposite of doulas.


SARAH: Why is that the first thing I thought of!

KAYLA: It’s like a- It’s like a don’t- a don’tla. 

SARAH: Fuck off!

KAYLA: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Anyway, I’ve listened to some podcasts about it, of people getting in big trouble for being like “I’m trying to help someone with really bad cancer, leave me alone”

SARAH: Yeah it is interesting to me how almost all like dogs and cats die of euthanasia, but when it comes to people we’re like that’s the worst thing you can do. Whereas they’ll put a fuckin’ dog down because it coughed once.

KAYLA: I know my sister in nursing school, they have ethics classes they have to take and that was a thing they had to write about and debate as a class. Which is interesting.


KAYLA: Anyway.

SARAH: Whenever I hear the word euthanasia it reminds me of a tweet I saw years and years ago where someone was- they ware supposed to do a presentation at school about euthanasia but they misunderstood the prompt-

KAYLA: OH I’ve seen this-

SARAH: and they did a presentation of Youth in Asia.

KAYLA: I’ve seen that.


SARAH: The continent of Asia, which is very broad, that’s a very broad thing to do.

KAYLA: I also think euthanasia is a good drag queen name.

SARAH: Oh that’s so true. Anyway, I have one more? Would you like to do one more?

KAYLA: You can finish it out.

SARAH: Okay, my last one is, I’m actually gonna have to pull up the lyrics for this so You’re Still the One by Shania Twain.

KAYLA: Okay love it.

SARAH: It gives real necrophilia vibes-

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: when you switch love out for death.

KAYLA: Alright, I’m listening.

SARAH: And its- I really have to pull up the whole lyrics because um okay, “when I first saw you I saw death”


SARAH: “and the first time you touched me I felt death”

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: “and after all this time you’re still the one I kill, mm yeah yeah.”

KAYLA: Shania! You’re a vampire!

SARAH: Well okay, actually let’s keep going through- Let’s just keep going.

KAYLA: Okay!

SARAH: “Looks like we made it look how far we’ve come my baby, we might’ve took the long way, knew we’d get there someday, they said I bet they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding on, we’re still together still holding strong. You’re still the one I run to, the one I belong to, you’re still the one I want for life, you’re still the one that I kill, the only one I dream of, you’re still the one I kiss at night”

KAYLA: Oh. This is like that one guy who like hundreds of years ago, this girl he was obsessed with died, so he stole her body from a cemetery-

SARAH: Yeah!

KAYLA: and stuffed it and kept it.

SARAH: This is exactly like that.

KAYLA: That is what this song is about.

SARAH: “They said I bet they’ll never make it, but look at us holding on-”


SARAH: “We’re still together, still going strong”!

KAYLA: This is a song about that creepy man! Oh my god. It fits so perfectly!

SARAH: (singing unintelligibly). That was why I really had to pull up the whole lyrics because it wasn’t enough-

KAYLA: No yeah.

SARAH: to just do the lines with the word love. Like you really have to get the whole vibe.

KAYLA: I want someone who’s good at singing to put this into a minor key and sing it that way and make it a spooky halloween song.

SARAH: You’re the only one I kiss goodnight… this dead body.

KAYLA: Blegh!


KAYLA: I would like someone to do it please.

SARAH: Anyway that’s it!

KAYLA: What a good one to end on, bravo.

SARAH: Oh wow. Kayla what’s our poll for this week?

KAYLA: Oh god.

SARAH: I think dream lover is a good one, because dream killer. Where is the death by the Black Eyed Peas cause the lines are like “people killin, people dyin’, children hurt can’t hear them cryin’” “People lovin’ people livin’ children enjoying (laughs) can hear them laughing”

KAYLA: So you’re just changing all of it. Aw-

SARAH: It's the alternate universe version.

KAYLA: I missed a song called Sex Rap. Death Rap… Dammit.

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: Shit.

SARAH: Alright we need two of yours.

KAYLA: Birthday Death, obviously. Uh Death and Candy, obviously what was I thinkin-

SARAH: Death and Candy. Is that four, do we have four?


SARAH: Okay. Kayla?

KAYLA: Yeah?

SARAH: What’s your beef and juice this week?

KAYLA: Um, beef: Hurricanes. Hurricanes, not great. Juice: The vidja game Turnip Boy Commits Tax Fraud. Very good game, very good.

SARAH: Oh! Sounds fun! 

KAYLA: Also-

SARAH: That’s exactly the title I want in a game, to be quite frank.

KAYLA: It’s really funny. It’s like a really quick game, I beat the game in like a couple hours, it’s very quick, but it's very fun. You could get it on your Switch, Sarah.

SARAH: Oh! I have one of those, I always forget because...

KAYLA: I do too honestly. Also yesterday I went on a walk and in the same minute I saw a cat on a leash, and also a possum, so that was fun.

SARAH: Oh that’s pretty cool!

KAYLA: Yeah!

SARAH: My juice is Shang-Chi the movie, it is so good, everyone should watch it. I’m gonna see it again with my roommate because she hasn’t seen it yet and I wanna see it again. I saw it by myself at the famed Grauman’s Chinese Theater-

KAYLA: Oh wow, I didn’t realize that’s where you went.

SARAH: And I snuck a full meal of McDonald’s in.

KAYLA: I’m gonna tell them. I’m gonna call them.

SARAH: So that was my experience. I had to pay too much because I was in the area, I had to g- I- for- I wouldn’t have normally gone there by myself because it's a situation that's why I went. But yeah it was quite the experience, it's a very good movie and you should watch it. My other juice is the 3J Megan Thee Stallion Butter Remix dance break. My beef is--


KAYLA: I have another juice for you. 

SARAH: Oh please!

KAYLA: (clears throat) I think your juice is the man who said you did a good job parallel parking.

SARAH: Oh my god you’re so right, thank you for reminding me! When I was in Hollywood to go to the Line Friends store to get my BT 2ne1-

KAYLA: Mhm, mhm.

SARAH: shit and to see Shang-Chi, I had to parallel park. And I was like “Oh my god I found one this is incredible news” and I was like “I'm really bad at judging distance” but I was like “ I think my car can fit in that” so i- i- i- parked in it, and it was the best parallel park job of my life, it was like back in pull forward done, like no adjusting. Then though as soon as I was parked I realized there was a sign and I was like “Oh no, I think that sign says no parking after 6pm” and it was 5:59. And a man in vehicle was driving the other way down the road, and he stopped and he rolled his window down right next to me and I was like “Oh I wonder if maybe he’s telling me that there’s no parking after 6 so I don’t get a ticket” so I open my window and he did not tell me that, he told me “good job on your parallel parking” and I said “Thanks!” and he drove away.


KAYLA: It’s also such a shocking thing to happen in LA I feel like.

SARAH: Yeah and it was in fucking Hollywood!

KAYLA: Like if it was in the Midwest I’d be like yeah that’s a Midwestern thing to do. But Hollywood?!

SARAH: Hollywood Boulevard, garbage tourists everywhere.

KAYLA: And the man was just like-

SARAH: The man was just like “good park job” and  I was like “thanks!” then he drove away.

KAYLA: I’ve recently seen these people on Tiktok who do drive by compliments, where like as they’re driving they roll down their window and just shout nice things at people, but my thing with that is I get afraid when people yell things at me from cars because I’m a wHoman.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: So I like the concept its just-

SARAH: The only reason I wasn’t afraid in this context is I thought I knew what he was gonna tell me and I thought it was gonna do with parking there and it wasn’t but it was a delightful surprise.

KAYLA: Also you were in your car-

SARAH: right.

KAYLA: And it's not like people usually cat call from car to car. That would be wild.


SARAH: That would be weird. And then I successfully parallel parked again that day, it was pretty exciting. I did have to pay for parking, but it was only $3 because I got validated at the theater.

KAYLA: That seems worth it.

SARAH: Anyway my beef: I’ve complained before about the North Hollywood Cherry Coke shortage, but yall--

KAYLA: (laughing)

SARAH: It’s gotten out of hand. Kayla… Kayla. Kayla.

KAYLA: I’m sorry I know this is serious. I’m sorry.

SARAH: In the past three days I have been to 9 stores. 9 stores that would traditionally carry 12 packs of cans of Cherry Coke. I actually also went to another dollar store just because I was like “Fuck it! It’s in the same plaza does the dollar store have it?” but I don’t consider the dollar store a place that would traditionally have it, so I’ve been to 9 stores that would traditionally carry Cherry Coke. Would anyone like to take a gander as to how many packs of Cherry Coke I encountered at these 9 stores combined?

KAYLA: Zero?

SARAH: ZERO. My local Ralph’s has like 30 12-packs of zero sugar cream soda Doctor Pepper-

KAYLA: Well you are in Hollywood.

SARAH: But God Forbid! Heaven Forfend! Can there be a pack of Cherry Coke anywhere. I had to buy a 2 liter because I was like I’m gonna die and then I sad bought a BTS album at Target.


KAYLA: My god. I just love calling it the Great North Hollywood Cherry Coke shortage.

SARAH: Cherry Coke shortage.

KAYLA: Would it make you feel better to know that there is a gas shortage where I live and I can’t get gas for my car?

SARAH: Oh good. Well, I could get you some gas, it's probably gonna be $4.30 per gallon?

KAYLA: That’s bad for the - What I trade gas for Cherry Coke?


SARAH: Perfect.


SARAH: Ideal.

KAYLA: If I can get that.

SARAH: Even at stores where I have previously bought Cherry Coke. None.

KAYLA: Everyone please send Cherry Coke to Sarah’s PO box.

SARAH: And one place - specifically in cans — don’t it won’t fit in the PO box (laughs)

KAYLA: They’ll hold it for you.

SARAH: — one place they had the mini cans, but they only had one thing of the mini cans and one of the mini cans was missing.

KAYLA: Someone was like “That’s for me~”

SARAH: And I was like I’m not gonna pay for this. I was like no I won’t do this. There was also, they had a Cherry Coke energy drink in cans, but no regular Cherry Coke in cans. Anyway this has gone on for way too long. I’m mad- I’m mad about it you know, okay. We also have a patreon- NO. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your local Cherry Coke shortage @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon at where you can support us with your money dollars so I can go to 9 more stores and find some fucking Cherry Coke.


SARAH: Our— we have 2 new $2 patrons, they are Samantha Yost and REN, thank both of you, what a delight.

KAYLA: Welcome!

SARAH: Yost just makes me think of hockey.

KAYLA: I was just gonna say that.

SARAH: Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are: Ashley W, Savannah Cozart, Harry Haston-Dougan, SOUP, and Amanda Kyker.

KAYLA: (gasp) have we made the good soup joke yet?

SARAH: I don’t know?

KAYLA: You know the Tik Tok audio that’s like “ good soup”

SARAH: No, do you know the Tik Tok audio that’s like “don’t be racist, I am a building”.

KAYLA: I know it too well. On the same side of Tik Tok as that is a clip of that movie with what’s his face with Scarlet Johansen, the marriage one? And there’s a part of the movie where he’s just sadly eating soup and he just goes “good soup”.

SARAH: good soup.

KAYLA: And it's all over Tik Tok. So good soup.

SARAH: Huh. Good. We have two new $5 patrons, I actually believe they’re Australian $7 patrons, but that comes out to $5 USD. They are Jolly Lizbert, which I think is the greatest -

KAYLA: That is a very good name.

SARAH: patreon name anyone could ever have, and Emily Higgins. Thank you to both of you for your Australian money, I hope the exchange rate really does you well.

KAYLA: Welcome!

SARAH: Our $10 patrons who are promoting things this week are: Anonymous who would like to promote spooky Halloween, my Aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher’s Haven, and Cass who’d like to promote the best of luck on the journey of self-identification. Our other $10 patrons are: Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Doug Rice ,H. Valdís, Barefoot Backpacker,The Steve, Ari K., Mattie, Derek and Carissa, Khadir, Potater, Changeling MX, DAVID JAY, The Stubby Tech, Simona Sajmon, Rosie Costello, Hector Murillo, and Jay. Our $15 patrons are: Nathaniel White,, my mom Julie who would like to promote Free Mom Hugs, Sara Jones who’s @eternalloli everywhere, Martin Chiesel who would like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One Is, Leila who would like to promote “Love is love” also applying to aro people, Shrubbery who would like to promote (car rumbling in the background) that god damn car driving so loud! Shrubbery who would like to promote the Planet Earth, Sherronda J Brown, Maggie Capalbo who would like to promote their dogs Minnie, Leia, and Loki, I read it in a different order every god damn time. Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, and Click4Caroline who is a new $15 patron. The lovely Caroline from Dear Luke, Love, Me. I did message her only about an hour ago maybe two-

KAYLA: I have to assume she wants to promote Dear Luke, Love, Me. 

SARAH: That’s what I told her. I was like “In the likely event that you don’t get this before we record we are going to promote Dear Luke, Love, Me.”

KAYLA: Yeah. That must be!

SARAH: Guys, I read the script and I cried.

KAYLA: Uhh yeah. I did not, but she cried.

SARAH: Yeah, well, one of us signed an NDA one of us didn’t so one of us was allowed to cry.

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: Our last $15 patron is Dragonfly who would like to promote hydrating because — specifically because, this time, because you are out of practice reading all of the patrons.

KAYLA: It’s a lot!

(sound of Sarah taking a big gulp of water)


SARAH: Our $20 patrons are: Sarah T, who would like to promote Long walks outside and HomHomofSpades, who would like to promote getting enough vitamin D. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday— and we’ll actually be here next Sunday — for more of us in your ears.

KAYLA: Until then take good care of your cows