Sounds Fake But Okay

Ep 209: Same Podcast, One Year Apart (The Second Year)

December 12, 2021 Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 209: Same Podcast, One Year Apart (The Second Year)
Show Notes Transcript

We're back for the second installment of Same Podcast, One Year Apart a la Billie Eilish and Vanity Fair. Listen to hear what's changed and what hasn't in the past year.

Episode Transcript:

To listen to the first year, check out episode 160: 


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SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)

KAYLA: … and a demisexual girl (that’s me, Kayla)

SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.

KAYLA: On today’s episode: Same podcast, one year apart: Year 2

BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.

(Intro song)

SARAH: Welcome back to the pod! 
KAYLA: Mmmmmmmm’ath. 
SARAH: Yeah. That’s so true bestie. Kayla? What do we have going on?
KAYLA: I got a new microphone.
SARAH: That’s so true. Kayla, her new microphone is here. Mine is not. Maybe you can hear the difference. Maybe you can’t.
KAYLA: Maybe it’s Maybelline?
SARAH: Maybe for us emotionally there is a big difference even if you can’t hear it.
KAYLA: For me emotionally it feels a lot better because it looks a lot better and our old ones were just getting…
SARAH: Jank.
KAYLA: Crusty, yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. Uh I’ll have my new mic next week. Do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: Oh we wanted to say at the top of this episode in case people didn’t listen to the end of last episode, that Stephanie…
SARAH: Oh yeah Stephanie Hawk.. Hauck.
KAYLA: Stephanie if you’re listening… just in case you didn’t- because 
SARAH: Sabrina.
KAYLA: Sabrina! I’m so sorry Sabrina. Sabrina if you’re listening, I don’t think we’ve heard from you, unless we missed it. I think maybe your parents got you a patronage for Christmas? And if you didn’t listen all the way through the episode you wouldn’t have heard it. So this is a call for Sabrina.
SARAH: This is a call for Sabrina Hauck.
KAYLA: Please Sabrina.
SARAH: Hauuck (pronouncing it like Howk). “Howk” is how you would pronounce it in German.
KAYLA: Sabrina are you out there?
SARAH: Yeah we’re just saying here because we know no one listens to the end of our podcast except for, you know…
KAYLA: The die hard fans (laughs).
SARAH: Yeah, okay. Kayla?
SARAH: Too bad. What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week we’re doing our second installment of Same Podcast Different Year.
SARAH: True, very true. So last year we did this for the first time, inspired by uhhhh 

BOTH: Billie Eyelash.


SARAH: This interview that she did with I think Vanity Fair every year that- that they’ve been doing for several years and they give her the same interview questions every year.
KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: And then she answers them and then you can compare her past reponses. And so we were like let’s do that for our podcast so we are here on year 2.
KAYLA: Steal it. Yes.
SARAH: It’s actually been a year and a week but don’t worry about it.
KAYLA: We don’t need to talk about it.
SARAH: IT’s fine. So we’re just going to do that, we’re just gonna do that this week and hopefully it will be still entertaining for the class and not just… us.
SARAH: Okay Kayla here’s your first question.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: What is your nam?
KAYLA: My nam is Kayla Marie Kaszyca.
SARAH: So true bestie.
KAYLA: What’s your name?
SARAH: My name is Sarah Costello.
KAYLA: Nice.

SARAH: I didn’t go for the middle name. Should I have?
KAYLA: It’s really up to you.
SARAH: Like are you.. Should I also give my social security number?
KAYLA: Yeah, is that not one of the questions on this?
SARAH: Oh. I should probably add it.
KAYLA: Yeah thank you.
SARAH: Okay, what’s today’s date?
KAYLA: Today’s date is Wednesday, December 8th at 4:30 PM Central Time.
SARAH: Maybe give the year?
KAYLA: Oh sorry (laughs) 2021, haaaa.
SARAH: (laughs) You dumb ass.
KAYLA: 2021.
SARAH: But for me, it’s that same day and year but it is 8:34 PM Pacific Time.
KAYLA: Oooh time zones~!

SARAH: Time zones~! Kayla, how old are you?
KAYLA: Uh. (pause)
SARAH: (spit take)
KAYLA: Am I 24?
SARAH: Normally a pause that long I would cut the pause down, but I think I need to leave that in for effect.
KAYLA: I was very pos- I was very close to confidently saying 22, but I…
SARAH: You’re 24.
KAYLA: I think I’m 24. I don’t-
SARAH: I know you’re 24.
KAYLA: I really- for a second I really, really, really thought I was 22.
SARAH: I would say it was more than a second.
KAYLA: I should really…
SARAH: It was a long pause.
KAYLA: Wow that’s tough.


KAYLA: Anyway, how old are you?

SARAH: (still laughing) I’m also 24.
KAYLA: That’s tough, huh.
SARAH: But I’m more confident about it than you are I think.

KAYLA: But it’s not fair because you’re always the same age as me or littler.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So it’s easier for you.
SARAH: Yeah but my age math is harder, because my birthday is at the end of the year.
KAYLA: I don’ th- no.
SARAH: You know? 
SARAH: Like if someone’s like- if someone’s like “how old are you?” and you don’t remember you can be like “oh what year is it?” That minus 1997. But because my birthday’s in October sometimes that only works if it’s after my birthday.
KAYLA: If you say so.
SARAH: Anyway. Um, how do you identify?
KAYLA: (sighs)

SARAH: First of all I identify as a human person. Step one.
KAYLA: Ah yes I am a human person. I am a woman.
KAYLA: I feel like I had a much more confident answer for this last year.
SARAH: Oh you certainly did.
KAYLA: Uhhh did you read the transcript or anything?
SARAH: I glanced over it on a couple of the questions but I didn’t read the whole thing.
KAYLA: I didn’t read anything.
SARAH: I have it in front of me if you want me to check anything.
KAYLA: Okay. Uh I am demisexual, I… am maybe biromantic??
SARAH: It’s a fun surprise~
KAYLA: I had a VERY biromantic experience in the mall the other day, so…
SARAH: Oh, boy howdy! Did you really?
KAYLA: I really, really did.

SARAH: Sometimes you just gotta. Sometimes you just gotta be bi in the mall.
KAYLA: Yeah. That’s not the single reason, I’m questioning it…
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: It just happened recently to me.
SARAH: Incredible, incredible work all around.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But this is why we ask these questions at the beginning.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Because we’re like “oh these probably won’t change” but maybe they will!
KAYLA: Maybe next year I’ll, I’ll be really confident again, who knows?
SARAH: Yeah who knows! I identify as a human person. I identify as a woman who doesn’t care about gender umm but also a woman.
KAYLA: That one… I think is gonna be different next year.
SARAH: Pffff. Kayla is just making predictions.
KAYLA: Bold prediction by me. I think we should just start doing predictions for these too.

SARAH: Oh my god (laughs).
KAYLA: Prediction by me: that’s gonna be somehow different next year.
SARAH: Okay, and I’m aroace still, that hasn’t changed.
KAYLA: Congratulations.
SARAH: Thank you. Next question: How many Twitter followers does the pod have?
KAYLA: I have to check on that one. It’s 8 something. I took twitter off my home screen reason for health reasons so now I have to look it up.
SARAH: I just went back to check and see what we had last year, so this fun.
KAYLA: We- I got it very wrong. We have 8 something on Instagram we have 6819 followers on Twitter.
SARAH: Okay. Last year we had 4580.
KAYLA: Dang! That’s pretty good.
SARAH: Ye. How many- just to follow up on this question for fun, how many Twitter followers do you have on your personal?
KAYLA: Umm 1 something. 1195.
SARAH: 1163 oh I’m coming for you.
KAYLA: You really are. You’re already winning on Instagram personally. You don’t need to do this to me. You really don’t.

SARAH: (laughs) Well would it make you feel any better that on my stan twitter I have 114?
KAYLA: Why would that matter to me?
SARAH: It’s just a much smaller number.
KAYLA: I’m 200 behind you on Instagram.
SARAH: I’m sorry.
KAYLA: I finally got the feature on Instagram where you can take off the like-count.
SARAH: Oh I don’t know if I have that.
KAYLA: All my cool friends are doing that so now I’m doing that (laughs).
SARAH: Oh shittt, geez. Sorry if I’m not one of your cool friends.
SARAH: Next question: How many patrons does the pod have?
KAYLA: I have to go look at that. How many did we have last year while I’m looking?
SARAH: We had 101 last year. It would be funny if we have less this year.
KAYLA: We have 150.

SARAH: 150! A clean number? 150?
KAYLA: Yeah!
KAYLA: That’s wild.
SARAH: What are you guys fuckin’ doing?
KAYLA: Why are you doing that? Hey.
KAYLA: Hey ya’ll.
SARAH: Hey, hey!
KAYLA: What ya’ll doin’?
SARAH: Don’t stop, but also what’re you doing?
KAYLA: Also don’t you have something better to put your money at?
SARAH: Um okay. Next one: do you have a job, if so what is it?
KAYLA: Uhh, I don’t think I had a job when we did this last year.

SARAH: You did not. 
KAYLA: And I was very sad about it. I have a job now and I work at Niche which is- and I do marketing, and that’s what our scholarship came from was that company.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah.
KAYLA: I don’t know who won yet, I need to ask, I keep forgetting.
SARAH: SHould find out. I work at the same job I did last year.
KAYLA: Congratulations.
SARAH: But I am actively trying to leave it.

KAYLA: And it’s okay for her to say that, because they know.
SARAH: Oh my bosses are getting me the interviews. They’re the-
KAYLA: Just so no one is like “hey maybe don’t say that on the air” no, they know.
SARAH: My bosses are fully aware that I’m trying to leave, they- they already hired one of my replacements because they’re replacing me with 2 people because I’m just that good.
KAYLA: She’s too good, folks.
SARAH: One of my replacements has pretty much already replaced me. So. They-
KAYLA: Love that.

SARAH: My bosses have gotten me most of my job interviews.
KAYLA: So basically if you want to- if you wanna hire Sarah…
SARAH: Yeah if anyone is looking for any writer’s room support of any sort give me a ring.
KAYLA: She’s here.
SARAH: Yeah. So yeah, I’m still here, but hopefully not for long.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Next question: where do you live?
KAYLA: I live in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and this time last year I actually recorded this episode in the closet because we did not have most of our furniture yet and everything was echoey and we were still sleeping on an air mattress. I have a picture of me recording this episode in a closet.
SARAH: And now you have oranges.
KAYLA: Now I put oranges up in my house! But…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I’m probably not going to be here too much longer, but TBD.
SARAH: Hm… At first I thought you meant the oranges and I was like “okay” (laughs).
KAYLA: I spent a lot of time stringing them up so I hope they’re there! A lot of time.

SARAH: I was gonna ask you to elaborate, but honestly I think it’s better if we don’t.
KAYLA: Well.
SARAH: I still live in Los Angeles. The devil’s asshole.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay. What is your relationship status? Can I tell you- this is the first note I made on my list.
SARAH: You know what my note says?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It says: not.
KAYLA: Mm! Good.
SARAH: So that’s my relationship status. It’s not.
KAYLA: I would say that’s accurate, yeah! 

SARAH: Yeah. Uhh, I’m in the same relationship I was in last year, so I am in a long term relationship.
SARAH: But longer term this time.
KAYLA: But now it’s been one year longer!

SARAH: Okay this is where it starts getting difficult.
KAYLA: Oh juicy! Yeah, I was looking at this one earlier and I had to scroll through our social media to try and remember.
SARAH: I am not prepared for this particular question.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: What was the best part about this year, pod-wise?
KAYLA: Okay. I was looking- cause I read this question and suddenly my mind went blank and I couldn’t remember anything we had done this year.
SARAH: Classic.
KAYLA: So I ran through all the big stuff that happened and I think the best one is New York Comic Con.
SARAH: Mhm. I think so, I also think this one is selfish, but when we went to Austin to work on the book, but maybe-
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: -it's just selfish because I rarely get to go on vacation and I got to see you. Like I don’t know if that was the best part pod-wise or just like…
KAYLA: But it was podcast-related because we went to work…
SARAH: There was chickens.
KAYLA: Cause this year we also announced — there were chickens in our yard (laughs) — this year we announced the book because.

SARAH: Was that this year?
KAYLA: Well I remember when we were recording this episode we knew we were signing the contract-
SARAH: Oh we knew about it.
KAYLA: -but we hadn’t signed it yet, I don’t think?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So I think it was this year. It’s our pinned tweet so let me go look.
SARAH: Would you like to know something fun?
SARAH: I have not looked at the book since we were in Austin.
KAYLA: That does not shock me at all.
SARAH: Kayla is aware of this. She has begging me for a month now to-
KAYLA: Oh wait!
SARAH: -look at a chapter she wrote.
KAYLA: Wait, we announced it on December 8th so right after this episode came out last year.

SARAH: Today is December 8th.
KAYLA: (gasp) Sarah! I’m gonna tweet that.
SARAH: Fuck we gotta finish that thing.
KAYLA: I don’t wanna talk about that.
SARAH: (laughs).
KAYLA: Speaking of, what was the worst thing that happened this year, pod-wise?
SARAH: What is the worst thing that happened this year, pod-wise? I think the answer is always fuckin’ drama.
KAYLA: Yeah I think-
SARAH: It’s stuff that you guys don’t necessarily see or hear about, but um because why would we tell you?
KAYLA: It’s just like the behind-the-scenes work.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah.
KAYLA: I was just talking to my therapist about this actually, today, because I talk about you all to my therapist.
SARAH: Incredible.
KAYLA: It’s just that as we get bigger there’s just more pressure and more stress to do everything perfect when-

SARAH: And people have certain expectations for us-
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: -that may or may not be grounded in reality.
KAYLA: Yeah I think when we started it didn’t matter what the quality of anything was, or what we did, because we were just doing it for us, and so it’s been a hard transition. I think especially this year, because this past two years I think is when we’ve grown the most?

KAYLA: So it’s just been a big adjustment, just stress-wise.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But it’s like a- I don’t know, I don’t wanna sound whiny about it. It’s a good thing.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It’s like with any job you have to mange the-
SARAH: Growing pains.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: What was the worst part about this year personally?
KAYLA: Um well I guess I moved here last year, but settling into Baton Rouge was- during Covid was, to be very frank, terrible, because…

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: It was mid Covid so we couldn’t go outside. We didn’t have friends. Me and Dean were just stuck in this empty house together and it was detrimental to all parts of our lives for a very long time.
SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: It wasn’t cute.

SARAH: I mean I- for me, this year has been kind of a blur, especially the first half of the year. The first half of the year didn’t exist.

KAYLA: It really didn’t, did it? It wasn’t until summer that I was like ”oh okay”

SARAH: It wasn’t until we were fucking vaccinated.

KAYLA: (laughs) You know what? True, yeah.

SARAH: I don’t wanna say just the- the quarantine of it all was- because it wasn’t worse than last year, it wasn’t.

KAYLA: It was just different I think.
SARAH: It was different. Because you were like “fuck this is a long haul”

KAYLA: Yeah because at first quarantine was like fun, and then it was scary, and then it kept going and then when this year started and it was still going, it’s just extra-


KAYLA: Instead of just scared it’s just depressed about it now.

SARAH: Yeah we’re about to enter year 3.

KAYLA: Yeah. I don’t- no we don’t need to talk about that (laughs).

SARAH: Okay, what was the best part about this year, personally?

KAYLA: Uhh can I have multiple answers? 

SARAH: Sure.

KAYLA: We got Gnocchi the cat this year.
SARAH: Yees.

KAYLA: Other than pods- I would put Austin and New York Comic Con up there. But just overall, just the friends that I made this year.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Or like, grew more with this year.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: I feel like that’s my EXACT answer from last year.

SARAH: I mean.. So? I feel like I am very similar boat. I am glad that I got to um, spend more time with my family this year and see more of my extended family because last year I didn’t really see any of my extended family at all.

KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I have a very close extended family. A very big one, but close. So it was good to actually see people. Um and I- I was glad that I actually got to go home more often. Total time spent at home last year was technically more because I was just home for a month and a half straight.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: But I think, being able to have gone home on multiple different occasions and actually travel sometimes was, I mean I fuckin’ hate- I’m never taking a red eye again unless I literally must.

KAYLA: But now you know! You learned. You learned!

SARAH: I didn’t want to do it to begin with, but it was my only option and boy howdy was it bad.

KAYLA: Well sometimes we must.

SARAH: Sometimes we get so fucking sick after taking a red eye…


SARAH: Yeah. Anyway. Uh rate your mental health 1-10.

KAYLA: This one changes I think depending on the weeks. I have a similar question to this that I do with my therapist and it is just always different. Currently, today? I would say like a 7.
SARAH: Mhm. I… where… I’m trying to see, I’m trying to see what I said last year. I would honestly probably say a 7 too.

KAYLA: Twins!! Oh my god.

SARAH: Last year I said 4.5 (laughs)

KAYLA: Okay specific. What did I say last year?

SARAH: You said 6.5.

KAYLA: (laughs) Okay went up .5 percent. Let’s go baby!

SARAH: (laughs) but like-

KAYLA: That’s shocking. There was no way that was true last year.

KAYLA: What was I on? There’s no way that was true.

SARAH: I mean, it’s been established that we’re both bad at rating things 1 to 10.

KAYLA: Oh I hate doing 1 to 10.

SARAH: Take everything with a grain of salt.

KAYLA: That’s fair, yeah.

SARAH: No my sister sends- pretends to be a bot, usually on Wednesdays, she didn’t do it today, in my group chat with me and my cousins, and asks us to rank our mental health on a scale of 1 to 10 and there’s- every week is a fun new surprise.


KAYLA: I bet, sounds great.

SARAH: I’m sorry, my sister doesn’t pretend to be a bot. A bot emails- a bot texts me from my sister’s phone.

KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Mysteriously from her number.

KAYLA: (laughs) That’s crazy that that happens…

SARAH: I know, I know.

KAYLA: How’d that get in there?

SARAH: How confident are you in your identity 1 to 10?


SARAH: 6. That was me repeating yours, that’s not mine.

KAYLA: Yes, I guessed.
SARAH: Um. (sighs) Hm, 7 and a half.

KAYLA: Really?

SARAH: I mean this is me we’re talking about, Kayla. I am way more comfortable just not knowing and not caring.

KAYLA: I guess. But what is it that you’re not confident about?

SARAH: I don’t know… I mean I know I’m aroace, that, I’m sure about that. But sometimes we just think about gender like “what does it all mean?”

KAYLA: And see and here is where my prediction comes in. ‘S all I'm saying. All I’m saying.

SARAH: (laughs) I know that’s where your prediction comes from! I know that.

KAYLA: What was my answer last year? I feel like it was probably like 10.

SARAH: You said 8.


SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: This is just proof that I don’t know how to rate things. Because what was the question? What was it? Kayla, what was it? 
SARAH: I don’t know.

KAYLA: Would love to know what I was questioning.

SARAH: Okay next question is how comfortable do you feel in your own body?

KAYLA: What did I rate this last year?

SARAH: You said 6.

KAYLA: I would say maybe like an 8? It’s definitely gone up since last year I think.

SARAH: Mhm. I um… I don’t even know that I gave a number last… (laughs) now I’m looking… I think I feel, I think I feel better than last year, I’ve gotten better at not caring how my body itself looks and letting myself not care sometimes. Not always.

KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Imagine if that was the always. Um, but I think how comfortable I feel in my own body on the other hand I’ve - do you- my note says this “but also I’ve gotten more gender”


SARAH: More specific with gender.

KAYLA: So there you have it.

SARAH: That’s my note. No, but I don’t think I’ve told you this, Kayla, because I’ve had short hair since like the summer right?

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: And at a certain point this year I was suddenly like, Sarah with long hair is not correct, like cut it off.

KAYLA: We talked about this.

SARAH: But have I told you about how if I go back to it now and look at a picture of myself with long hair I’m like “no that’s not right”.

KAYLA: Oh that’s good!

SARAH: Like “no that’s not Sarah”

KAYLA: That’s a very specific feeling.
SARAH: Not like in a super dysphoric way, but just like in a that’s not correct-

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: -sort of thing. And since I did chop my hair off it’s not like I look in the mirror like (deep voice) “who’s this bitch?” but-

KAYLA: I feel like that makes a lot of sense for you personality wise. Cause like we said you’re the kind of person who once you make up your mind that’s how it is.

SARAH: I guess? But like the past couple years I would do the thing where I would just let my hair grow a little long and then I would chop it and then I would let it grow really long and then I would chop it.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: So this is the first time I’ve ever had that feeling of like this is wrong, this way that I looked was wrong and not correct.

KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So it’s just kind of weird in two different directions.

KAYLA: It is very interesting.

SARAH: Yeah. Um so once again, I’m not gonna give a number because (makes a mouth fart noise)

KAYLA: Okay!

SARAH: How often do you should? 


SARAH: I personally do not have time to should.

KAYLA: Oh that must be nice.

SARAH: And not in a good way.


SARAH: In a like a bad way.

KAYLA: Oh okay nevermind taking it back!
SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: Uhh, here’s the thing, y'all is— I told my therapist about shoulding and now she uses it against me?

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: And it's really annoying because it was my thing and now she’ll ask me— like we’ll be in a session and she’ll be like “so what are your should’s? What is the should situation with this?” and I’m like MONIQUE… That was MY ThING. Now you’re using it against me for my health!

SARAH: Oh no (laughs).

KAYLA: Awful. Awful stuff. I feel like I’m slowly- I don’t know how often I do that, but I feel like because it’s something my therapist brings up so often that I am thinking about it more.

SARAH: Yeah.


KAYLA: Of like “oh am I doing it?”
SARAH: I would say that I’m thinking about, because I’m writing the book I’m thinking about it more-

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Because the thesis of the book is don’t should. Spoilers, not spoiler.

KAYLA: Crazy, from us?

SARAH: So it’s just kind of been on the back of my head more so I think I’m shoulding less, but also I’m not shoulding as much because I don’t have time to should because I keep falling asleep with my lights on.

KAYLA: Yeah you keep doing that. We should make that a question-

SARAH: It’s like I’m in college again.

KAYLA: “How often do you be fallin’ asleep with your lights on?”

SARAH: I hate it so bad.

KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: (deep breath) What do you want most for the aspec community in the next year?

KAYLA: I think just more diversity in loud voices. I’d like there to be more loud voices and I’d like them to be diverse.

SARAH: Mm. I would like peace.

KAYLA: (laughs) Okay. Alright.

SARAH: I don’t just mean I want everyone to agree with each other because that’s never gonna happen. It’s not- on the whole it’s not constructive to have intracommunity drama all the time so I just want some good old peaccccceee.

KAYLA: Yeah. Well, cause there’s a difference between drama and constructive criticism and discussion.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: And one of them is great and good and please come to us with it and the other is just like what are we doing here!
SARAH: Yeah they’re just, in my opinion, (mouth smack) a waste of time and energy. What gives you hope?

KAYLA: Huhhhh…. I don’t know…

SARAH: I think for me it’s largely the same as last year, which is just like young people and change makers who are trying to make change.

KAYLA: Yeah that’s a good point, because I think it's what I said last year and it's the same thing.

SARAH: But like I think it’s still true, because shit’s still fucked and I’m…how do I say this tactfully… as things have started to get back to quote unquote “normal” and as we’ve been able to see more human people, I’ve once again been exposed to more just like, you know, middle aged white man opinions?

KAYLA: Tch (laughs)

SARAH: And that (laughs) reminds of how much I personally think those opinions on the whole, suck. And, but like, it still gives me hope that there are people who are trying to change that shit, like as-as much as it sucks and as much as we don’t have the upperhand necessarily, I’m just glad people are trying to make things better even if you know, the middle aged and old white men won’t. Someone will. And I don’t wanna say we’re just waiting for them to die but… (laughs)

KAYLA: EUH! Yeah I think I’m in more contact with younger people this past year because of work like I spend a lot of time talking to high schoolers about college and stuff but also like spending time with them on like Tiktok or discord and it's so clear that these kids know what they’re doing and are using social media in a specific way to get things done, and then there are other people I’m interacting with that discount that stuff as “it’s rotting your brain” or all these think pieces about like “what is this app doing to you child” and it’s such a disconnect. I’m with these kids everyday and I know what they’re doing and people just don’t see that.

SARAH: I mean, the kids at this point think I’m geriatric, but I'm…

KAYLA: It’s okay! The kids-
SARAH: I’m with them over the older folks any day.

KAYLA: There was kids the other day in my work discord and one was calling the other one elderly because one of them was a senior in high school, and I was like-

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: -wait till you hear how old I am!

SARAH: Wait until you hear this. I am no longer the baby at work, I’m the second oldest at work.

KAYLA: That is tragic.

SARAH: Yeah. So…

KAYLA: I’m still baby.
SARAH: I’m the second oldest and I’m the assistant who has been there the longest.

KAYLA: You gotta get out of there man!

SARAH: I gotta.

KAYLA: Too old.

SARAH: Too old! At least we don’t have any 2000 babies yet.

KAYLA: Oh disgusting.

SARAH: Yet. Got a bunch of 99’s. What are you most worried about right now?

KAYLA: Mm. Currently, I guess my family, just due to some health stuff going on?

SARAH: Hm yeah, valid. Mine is very selfish. I’m concerned about my career and my future.

KAYLA: I don’t think that’s selfish I think that’s very normal and good.

SARAH: Compared to last year though it’s really selfish.

KAYLA: Well.

SARAH: Last year I said uh… where- where did it go. Oh last year I said, “mass preventable dying occurring because people and governments are selfish and irresponsible”

KAYLA: Suhh.

SARAH: And this year I’m like (nasal voice) “I’m worried about my career~”

KAYLA: Okay well we can’t take the world on our shoulders all the time, you know?

SARAH: Yeah… I’m still worried about that, but slightly less.

KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like still a lot worried but less. A year from now, where do you hope the pod will be?

KAYLA: Uh I hope the book will be done (laughs).

SARAH: It fuckin better be.

KAYLA: It better be or we’re past our deadline!

SARAH: Or we have a problem.

KAYLA: Or we have a contractual issue. Um, I don’t know? I hope it’s…

SARAH: I hope- I hope it’ll be on the internet and in your ears and in real life too as much of an extent as it can be.

KAYLA: Yes. I also hope that we get more like, logistical support in some way.

SARAH: Yeahhh.

KAYLA: I want… we need like an assistant or a producer or something because it’s getting wild up in here.

SARAH: Yeah. A year from now where do you hope you will be?

KAYLA: Not Louisiana. The goal is to be living in a city like with some friends, like all in the same house, which will hopefully be happening soon if a bunch of things go right.


KAYLA: Basically that’s where I’d like to be.
SARAH: I’d like to be at a job that isn’t killing me-

KAYLA: (wheezes) uh huh.

SARAH: -but is moving my career forward.


SARAH: I would also like to be- I would also like to have health insurance.

KAYLA: You don’t have health insurance?!

SARAH: I will have health insurance regardless because I’m still on my mom’s but-

KAYLA: That’s wild.
SARAH: We just like- this is a fun surprise - we’re just now getting dental.

KAYLA: Oh my god.

SARAH: We’re not even supposed to know yet. The only reason we know is because we’re assistants and we’re on every phone call and (whispers) we’re everywhere~

KAYLA: Your job is wild.

SARAH: Anyway, don’t tell my boss I already know that! Of course, I’m also trying to leave the company so…

KAYLA: I don’t think it really matters at this point (laughs)

SARAH: What is something you couldn’t do this year that you hope to be able to do next year?

KAYLA: Uhh, well I was able to travel this year, but I think just like more long distance travel I guess? Like I traveled a lot semi-locally but-


KAYLA: -more going to LA going to see friends.

SARAH: Like vacations!

KAYLA: Like longer vacations or more travel to see distant friends, cause this year like I traveled a lot, but it wasn’t except for like Austin it wasn’t to see everyone really.

SARAH: Yeah, and that was a work trip.

KAYLA: Yeah! Business women only.
SARAH: Business women. So I- I when I was at work today I went back to the transcript to see what I said last year and I read what I said and I very nearly started crying in my workplace.

KAYLA: Uh oh!

SARAH: Because I said, quote, “I really want to go to a BTS concert, but honestly I don’t know that’ll happen next year”

KAYLA: Aww!! It did!

SARAH: You know what did happen? Twice.

KAYLA: Just last week!

SARAH: Yes and I consider myself very lucky to have been able to do that and to have that be an option for me. So now I’m just emo. But what is something that I couldn’t do this year that I hope to do next year?

KAYLA: Have health insurance?
SARAH: I have health insurance.

KAYLA: You just said you didn’t.

SARAH: No, I have health insurance through my- I’m hoping that my next job also has health insurance.

KAYLA: Okay have your OWN health insurance, how bout that?

SARAH: Hm, I- I don’t know. I hope to write more maybe.

KAYLA: You know something that we literally weren’t able to do this year? Is finish our book.

SARAH: So true bestie.

KAYLA: And next year we will get to it.

SARAH: We have to.

KAYLA: We simply have to.

SARAH: We are under legal obligation. What’s the one thing that you want out of next year?


SARAH: So last year I said a vaccine like a widely available vaccine and we got that. But WE got that. So next year I want the vaccine to become widely available to people who don’t live in rich countries. 



SARAH: And I want people to get the vaccine whether by choice or by force, I don’t really care…

KAYLA: Oh my god, someone’s gonna come find you (laughs).
SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: You can’t be saying things like that.

SARAH: The Austrians are mad. No that’s why people in Austria are mad because the government is like “no you have to do this”

KAYLA: Classic.

SARAH: That’s what I want. I mean there is no returning to normal at this point. But I want to have a happier normal…that’s what I want…

KAYLA: Mine was gonna be very selfish so…

SARAH: I gave a selfish one before so go for it.

KAYLA: I just want more inner peace, you know?
SARAH: Mm. I don’t think that’s selfish. Because inner peace comes from outer peace too.

KAYLA: I guess but it's like way more selfish than being like “I want more people to get vaccinated”

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: Like that’s a very Miss America answer.

SARAH: But that’s selfish too though, because you know, the reason we have the omicron variant is because people who were unvaccinated is because those people the- the- the- the- what’s it called?

KAYLA: Yeah?

SARAH: Virus? Virus? But like that evolved and changed in those people that didn’t have the vaccine. So the more people that have the vaccine, the fewer new strains we’re gonna get which is better for me! Like it’s not entirely selfless.

KAYLA: I guess.

SARAH: What’s the one thing- or what’s one thing that made this year better?

KAYLA: Uhh friends.

SARAH: Mine kind of similar to the question before where I got to see my family this year, I got to see my friends this year, also I live with a cat now.

KAYLA: Excellent stuff.

SARAH: Excellent. And one thing that I actually thought of as we were talking earlier was me joining stan Twitter has made this year better.

KAYLA: I’m so happy for you!
SARAH: Um It’s also made it more painful in some ways.


SARAH: But on the whole it has made the year better. I have hung out with people that I have- that I know from the world wide web and had a grand time and I’m very grateful for people who you can just yell about the things that you’re way too obsessed with and you can just yell with them and they get it. I mean I will yell at Kayla-


SARAH: - and our friend Miranda about-

KAYLA: I can’t quite yell back, you know?

SARAH: Right. Like I will absolutely do that, but you know it is also nice to have someone who can yell about those same things back and get it and be absolutely unhinged with you.

KAYLA: Uh one that I just thought of that is a recent development is, I’ve started ranting on my close friends story on Instagram which seems like a very like, I don’t know, unhelpful thing to do? But it has honestly made me feel a lot better because there are things that I want to rant about to my friends, but it's not that just my friends follow me on social media or whatever-
SARAH: mhm.

KAYLA: - and there are certain parts of my life that everyone needs to know-

SARAH: And not everyone should know.

KAYLA: Yeah!

SARAH: Don’t should.

KAYLA: Don’t should. And so it’s been very cathartic to talk about stuff that like before I hadn’t been talking about as much and just have people be like, yeah man, you’re okay. It’s okay.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Yeah!

SARAH: If you could give the you from a year ago advice, what would it be?


SARAH: For me it would be buckle down, hunker in like there’s- there is a light at the end of the tunnel but there’s also another tunnel at the end of the tunnel.

KAYLA: (laughs)

SARAH: And so there will be light and there will be good things but there are also fucking more tunnels, and you need to be prepared for that.

KAYLA: I- this one is getting me emotional for some reason, but um-
SARAH: You cried much earlier than this last year so don’t worry about that.

KAYLA: Oh I know! That’s because - that’s the thing, I’m remembering the state I was in at this time last year, that was like…

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Tough, so I don’t know so I would just tell me from a year ago, just to wait, and similarly that it’ll all, you know, work out.

SARAH: Mhm. Things won’t be great all the time, but they will be good some of the time and that is worth it.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Um what is something you’re putting off doing right now?

KAYLA: Uh Christmas shopping.

SARAH: I need to make an appointment with my psychiatrist because I am going to run out of Prozac before the end of the year, but I don’t have an appointment.

KAYLA: Yeah, that’s uhh yes.

SARAH: I also was putting off uh paying to renew my license plates and at the beginning of this podcast I was just writing a check while I was waiting for Kayla…

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: …that’s adulthood. Why do you do the pod?

KAYLA: Uh I’m assuming this answer is the same as last year I think?


KAYLA: One big reason is it's the best way to keep in contact with you regularly and keep me accountable for that.


KAYLA: And then the other is, like for the people it helps like, you know? We continue to get messages about, you know, how we help people feel more confident or come to terms with their identity or just entertainment.


KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: I- I was trying to think about what I could say what is different from my answer last year because everything from my answer last year still stands. What I came up with was like, why do I do the pod? Why not? It helps people, it makes people happy.

KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: There is a sacrifice on my end, but the reward is so much greater so why would I not?

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: You know?

KAYLA: I was kind of talking about that to my therapist today, just because we were talking about, you know, general stress from the work and everything, and we were kind of talking about what would it take for us to stop?


KAYLA: And I was like I don’t know, we’ve never talked about stopping?

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: I was like the only thing I could see right now that would stop us is if like, you know, other things got super stressful in our life or the other thing I said was if our core group of listeners, especially the people that hang out in our discord and talk to us every week and have listened to every episode. If those people started hating us for whatever reason? Like that would be it.
SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Like if we lose those core people that means we’ve done something really bad-

SARAH: Something is wrong.

KAYLA: And it’s time to go.

SARAH: It’s time to be done. And if one of us died I think we’d probably stop.

KAYLA: Didn’t we talk about that recently?

SARAH: We’ve talked about this before (laughs)

KAYLA: I don’t know if we talked about it while recording…

SARAH: I don’t know…

KAYLA: We were like if one of us dies would we continue for a bit like “this is what she would have wanted” or would we stop?

SARAH: I fucking wouldn’t.

KAYLA: I know you wouldn’t, I know you wouldn’t. I don’t know that I would either. I definitely know you wouldn’t.

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: Or would it be like a “I can’t do it without her we must stop” I think it would stop. There’s no way.

SARAH: It’s too much work. Sum up the year in one song.

KAYLA: Oh god okay, let me look at songs.
SARAH: I- I made my choice and it was like an instinctive thing that I was like is this the right call? But we listen to our gut. So my one song is Permission to Dance by BTS, of course it’s a BTS song.

KAYLA: That’s crazy.

SARAH: And not because it’s my favorite BTS song and it came out this year, because it’s not. They released two songs this year and it is not my favorite of the two. BUT, the song is very hopeful and its very like, self aware about pandemie and seeing BTS live, this was the last show- the last song they did in the encore and on the last day- and it’s just like so fun, you’re just having a good time, you’re dancing. We don’t need permission to dance, bitch. And on the last day they did their little speeches before the last song they always do. But they were especially emotional because it was the last concert and they talked about how much they had missed performing and getting to do normal things and how they don’t know when they’re going to be able to do it again because of omicron and then when they preformed Permission to Dance after that it just hit different. It was like this weird bittersweet thing, and I think that just sums up like this year we had some of that light, but more tunnels! Are comin’! And more light also, but more tunnels and more tunnel lights and light tunnels.

KAYLA: That’s a lot of tunnels and not a lot of lights.

SARAH: Put lights in the tunnels.

KAYLA: Please god, it’s so dark in here.

SARAH: Please! 

KAYLA: I’m gonna do ones that sum up my year, I guess, rather than the year in general.

SARAH: Well that was my year.

KAYLA: Well okay then there you go. I would say anything from Bo Burnham’s Inside (laughs).


SARAH: Oh my god can I tell you something very funny?

SARAH: I was driving home from work today and That Funny Feeling by Bo Burnham from Inside came on shuffle, I had my entire library on shuffle which is a real gamble every time.


SARAH: And it played that, and you know what the next song that it played was?


SARAH: Are you familiar with the tune Sexy Can I?

KAYLA: No? (laughs)

SARAH: I will play you the beginning of this song.

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: So imagine this: Picture this: you are listening to the end of That Funny Feeling, it’s just, you know (sighs), we’re just fading out, it’s very, you know, it’s very introspective and then suddenly — let me just move my mic so the computer can hear this —

(Plays the beginning of Sexy Can I)

SARAH: That’s what I heard.

KAYLA: That… would be jarring.

SARAH: It was. Anyway sorry (laughs). That just happened to be just today. Just a few hours ago. Um anyway, what were you- sorry, I really derailed this.

KAYLA: Yes, uhh I would say anything from Inside, or the song Vienna by Billy Joel.
SARAH: Mm, a bop.

KAYLA: It is a bop, and a banger.

SARAH: Quality, quality song. And the Ariana Grande cover from like 2012 was really good.

KAYLA: I don’t think I’ve heard that.

SARAH: I actually knew that version well before I knew the Billy version well.


SARAH: They’re both very excellent. Ending fun: what’s the most memorable thing the allos did this year? Last year we had trouble with this one and a year is a long time and this year I was like fuck I didn’t prepare for this. But just today, my friend, my friend Stina, who has started- she was the friend who was starting from the very beginning, but listening so slowly.

KAYLA: (laughs) yes.

SARAH: So it was taking her months to get through like 3 episodes. She finally gave up on that and started listening to one of our recent episodes so she might actually be listening to this — Hi Stina — um but she texted me today and she said she was reading an article about cat behavior and it said quote “although in a multi cat household a cat may choose to exhibit affection by allo grooming, liking each other” unquote. She goes- she’s trying to figure out how allo grooming is connected to allo normative and so what I think the most memorable thing the allos did this year was them grooming each other again.

KAYLA: They’re just licking.

SARAH: Why they do that?

KAYLA: This makes me think of a news story I heard and you know, there’s no way to know if this woman was allo, but we can just say that for the sake of this-

KAYLA: - it was on a plane a woman was breastfeeding her cat-


KAYLA: -and the flight attendants had to deal with that and apparently this was not the first time this has happened on the plane.

SARAH: Boy howdy.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Boy howdy. Great. Both fantastic answers. Final question: What’s one thing you would like to say to our listeners?

KAYLA: Hm. Just like thank you? I don’t know?

SARAH: Yeah I would also say keep wearing masks indoors, get your vax, get your booster, get your flu shot. I’m boosted, are you boosted?

KAYLA: No I’m not yet, I need to get boosted.

SARAH: Get boosted, bitch.

KAYLA: Yeah. I don’t know, I would just say, thank you for sticking with us? I feel like as the years go on we get even more chaotic and…
SARAH: Haha yeah.

KAYLA: Even less on theme so props to you for being here, I guess.

SARAH: We’ve run out of topics. 

KAYLA: We really have.

SARAH: Also we see each other way less, so the chaos that just exists in the void between us-

KAYLA: Has to come out.

SARAH: -gets transferred into the podcast medium.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Um. I agree. Okay! Kayla, what’s our poll for this week?


SARAH: Why do the allos groom each other?

KAYLA: (laughs) we’re not doing that. Well I think the one we probably did last year was how have you changed in the past year?
SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Which I think could be good again?

SARAH: Or like what was the best part of this year for you?

KAYLA: That’s a good one.

SARAH: You can tell us about your beef. Nope. Well you can, but first we have to say ours. Kayla, what is your beef and your juice this week. 


KAYLA: Hold on, I'm writing.

SARAH: My beef and my juice is the same thing. It’s the fact that all of the members of BTS got Instagrams fucking suddenly. Personal Instagram accounts for themselves. They have never had this. They’re- High was like they’re going on a break let them have a break. And we were like okay, okay maybe we should also take a break as army- cause last time they were on break, the only other time they were on break, army got really bored, and out of their minds, so we were like oh maybe we should take a break too and then you know what they did? Personal instagrams and they keep fucking posting on them, I’m losing my mind it is too much.

KAYLA: I am now on Sarah’s close Instagram- close friends Instagram story that is just BTS

SARAH: I made- I made a close friends Instagram story-

KAYLA: Just for BTS.

SARAH: -purely for the purpose of being unhinged about BTS, not that many people are on it. So if you’re not on it don’t feel bad because that’s really all you’re missing.

KAYLA: They are an exclusive club.

SARAH: But no, my friend Derek is on it, surprise, and he like responded to something and he was like, - cause I said something about how the only place I’m more unhinged is my stan Twitter and he was like “now I wanna see what your stan Twitter is like” and I was like “Derek you don’t. You don’t need or want that” you know?

KAYLA: Sometimes Sarah sends me tweets from it and I’ll take a little look at what’s going on and I’ll be like oh! Okay.

SARAH: Also my lovely mutuals do nothing but enable me so…

KAYLA: Whatcha gonna do?

SARAH: Whatcha gonna do. So that’s both my beef and my juice, what about you?

KAYLA: Uh my juice is that I had a very good weekend. We did all in one day, me and Dean, uhh, did one of those pottery painting things and then I bought some fancy clothes-

SARAH: You did pot?

KAYLA: Ha yeah we did pot.

SARAH: Got em!

KAYLA: well…

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: Um and then, I bought some fancy clothes for a fancy Christmas party I’m going to this weekend, and then we got Hibachi. And when I tell you these hibachi people gave me- so hibachi if you don’t know is an American Japanese, I guess, I’m sure they do this in actual Japan.

SARAH: It’s a restaurant you go to!

KAYLA: Anyway it's a restaurant you go to and they cook your food in front of you in a little grill and they do tricks with their knives and shit and it's a good time.

KAYLA: But they gave me so much food that I had to take 2 take out containers home.

SARAH: Oh my god.

KAYLA: And then it took my until yesterday to finish and we went on Saturday.

SARAH: Oh my god.

KAYLA: Yesterday was Tuesday.

SARAH: I went to a Korean Barbeque for the first time like two weeks ago with my twitter friends who were in town for BTS and I just remembered again that I still owe them money…


SARAH: Because look. Jenny. I keep asking Jenny, “how much money do I owe you?” and she’s like (stressed voice) “I-I don’t know yet I haven’t figured it out!”

KAYLA: Jenny!

SARAH: And I’m like girl it’s been almost 2 weeks. Please just let me pay you! Anyway…

KAYLA: My beef-
SARAH: That’s what ups with Jenny.

KAYLA: My beef is that I have to go pee and also it just got hot in here.

SARAH: Okay time to end the pod! 

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH:You can tell us about your beef, your juice your neighborhood Jenny and how your year was-

KAYLA: I work with a Jenny she’s very nice.

SARAH: What?

KAYLA: I work with a Jenny she’s very nice.

SARAH: Oh! Well. I know this Jenny because they were one of the people that Padya told me to follow.

KAYLA: Well there you go.

SARAH: Now we’re BFFLs and she enables me.

KAYLA: (yawns) Sorry I was yawning.

SARAH: (sings) I will never forgive you for this indiscretion~. Youuubhbhbhb- social media, soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon Our $5 patrons that we’re promoting today are: James, Corinne, AliceIsInSpace, Skye Simpson, and Brooke Siegel. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are: David Nurse, who I don’t think ever told us an actual thing to promote outside of the sweater situation?

KAYLA: Ah yes, I’ll go check


KAYLA: HOLY SHIT- no, no. 

SARAH: Did they?

KAYLA: There is, hold up.

SARAH: Well also Sherronda J Brown who doesn’t promote anything, but Sherronda-

KAYLA: I can’t find it where is it.
SARAH: We will promote on her behalf, just her twitter, it’s good! Also someone else we’re promoting this week is Arcnes who’d like to promote the Trevor Project. You got anything? Any, aunty?

KAYLA: I could have swore… I could have- I don’t know it’s somewhere I don’t know what messages…


SARAH: Well okay, David hit us up.

KAYLA: That’s tough.

SARAH: And we’ll say it next week.

KAYLA: Somewhere. 

SARAH: Our other $10 patrons are: Benjamin Ybarra, Anonymous, Aunt Jeannie, Cass, Doug Rice, H. Valdís, Barefoot Backpacker, The Steve, Ari K., Mattie, Derek and Carissa, Khadir, Potater, Changeling MX, DAVID JAY, The Stubby Tech, Rosie Costello, Hector Murillo, and that’s it. Our $15 patrons are: Nathaniel White,, my mom Julie, who’d like to promote Free Mom Hugs, Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere, Martin Chiesel who’d like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One Is, Leila who’d like to promote “Love is love” also applying to aro people, Shrubbery who’d like to pom-promote thePLANETEARTH, Maggie Capalbo who’d like to promote their dogs Minnie, Leia, and Loki, Andrew Hillum who’d like The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who’d like to promote the documentary Ace of Hearts and the fact that she recently just photoshopped herself in front of some mountains (laughs).

KAYLA: Very good stuff.

SARAH: Greatest instagram post. Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote Kayla’s cousin’s art (shouting)! Cool.

KAYLA: On instagram!

SARAH: On that instagram Period art, I guess. And Dragonfly who would like to promote the consumption of carrots. Our $20 patrons are: Sarah T who’d like to promote Long walks outside and Sabrina Hauck slash Sabrina Hauck’s parents. Uh Merry Christmas Sabrina.

KAYLA: Sabrina where are you?

SARAH: Where are you Sabrina? Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears. And next year for this, again.


KAYLA: Yes. I was so confused. I was like are we not releasing another episode until next year? Who didn’t tell me?


KAYLA: Anyway until then take good care of your cows.