Hey what's up hello! You've read the title and you know what that means - we're diving back into Reddit! This week we answer the age old question, are the straights ok???
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/r/arethestraightsok
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! You've read the title and you know what that means - we're diving back into Reddit! This week we answer the age old question, are the straights ok???
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/r/arethestraightsok
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey what's up hello, welcome to Sounds fake but okay, a podcast where an aroace girl, I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode: are the straights okay?
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake, but okay
(theme music plays)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: (singing) Aaaa
SARAH: Okay. Thank you everyone for your lovely responses to our book shenanigans.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's been very cool.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: We made it to number 20 on Barnes & Noble for like a day, which was wild.
SARAH: Most importantly. More importantly, we were ranked above Jared Kushner that motherfucker
KAYLA: So true
SARAH: That is my crowning life achievement
KAYLA: We're also ranked like number 48,000 on Amazon right now, so
SARAH: Well, fuck Beezbos
KAYLA: So true. Yeah. The book is getting up on a lot more locations now, so if you are not in America or looking for more Indie options those might be available now, so.
SARAH: Sounds fake but okay, an asexual and aromantic...
KAYLA: Perspective
SARAH: Perspective on love, relationships, and pretty much anything else
KAYLA: Sex
SARAH: Sex? (laughter)
KAYLA: What a stunning endorsement.
SARAH: It was bold of me to try
KAYLA: And you know what? I commend your bravery.
SARAH: Thank you. But yeah. Very exciting. It will be on pre-order until February 21st and then it will be on regular order, so you got time
KAYLA: That is how it works
SARAH: Yeah. You got time. My boss already bought his copy, so.
KAYLA: Good. Yep
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: Okay. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Today, we are back on Reddit. On a new one this time
SARAH: We are on a new one this time, but before we do that, there is this am I the asshole I found on Twitter like a whole ass month and a half ago that I just wanted to read because I think it's very good. And bad, but also good. So we're going to start by reading out this am I the asshole, and then we're going to hit up the Reddit r/arethestraightsokay.
KAYLA: It is a wild one folks. I will tell you that.
SARAH: There is some content on that there site. I think in conclusion, no, but we can decide as a group. So let me just start with this am I the asshole post. First of all, this was posted to Twitter by @euphoritori and euphoritori says "this dad is a chad and did nothing wrong"
KAYLA: Uh oh
SARAH: So that's how I'm priming you for this.
KAYLA: Okay. Not promising
SARAH: "Am I the asshole for storming off from my sister's wedding after she deadnamed my son?"
KAYLA: Mm.
SARAH: "I'm a 45-year old single father of 3. Their mom died 10 years ago. I have 3 sons. Seventeen year-old Andrew, 15 year-old Connor, and 14 year-old Max. Connor was born female. He is trans. He came out as trans 5 years ago and now has socially transitioned, not yet physically". So Connor came out as trans when he was 10.
KAYLA: That's incredible
SARAH: The kids these days –
KAYLA: They know
SARAH: They just know.
KAYLA: They just know.
SARAH: Mkay. "My sister, 38 female, just got married. Me and my sons were also invited. My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now. Some have adjusted well, some not so much. My sister is pretty indifferent about it. Her wedding was really super well-organized to the last detail. She wanted all the men to wear shirt and tie and then women sundresses. I texted her a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding and she said 'where's Mia's dress'"
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: "I was a bit surprised and told her not to deadname my son and that he'll be wearing a shirt and tie like the rest of the men there or we aren't coming. She said fine and that was it. At the reception, my sister got mad that Connor was wearing a tie but didn't say much after that. When we sat down at our table, the card said Mia. I went to my sister and she said that she used their real name"
KAYLA: No!
SARAH: "I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me 'don't you dare cause a scene at my wedding. Mia can be a guy any other day'"
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: "I called her a bigot and we left. My family says I ruined her wedding"
KAYLA: Good. You should ruin her wedding.
SARAH: I agree with euphoritori that this mans is a Chad and he did nothing wrong
(05:00)
KAYLA: I agree. That is insane.
SARAH: It is interesting though that OP did name the deadname of the kid, but you know, here's the thing about deadnames. I'm making this up, this may not be true to all, but I feel like if you come out as trans when you're younger and you transition younger, there's probably a lot less trauma/dysphoria connected to the name. There might still be gender dysphoria in terms of that's a name of the wrong gender, but I feel like a lot of the issue is the connection to the person people perceived you to have once been, and so if you come out as trans when you're younger, maybe it's less of a big deal, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah. I have no idea.
SARAH: That's just the hypothesis. I don't know.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean I've definitely seen a wide range of people's treatment of their own deadnames
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Whether they keep it completely secret or are pretty open about it.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I mean yeah with a kid it's hard because... yeah. I don't know. As a kid you might not have, as evidenced in this story, as much authority to get people to listen to you.
SARAH: Yeah. I've also seen a lot of TikToks recently where the meme is, it's for trans people or just people who have changed their names and have dead names. And it's like "Me: Oh, I'm so glad my dead name is not a common name"
KAYLA: (laughing) Oh I have seen this it's so funny
SARAH: And then it's like I saw one recently that was like "a very popular cereal brand," the implication being that their dead name may not be a common name for people
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But it is common elsewhere, but then everyone in the comments was like "oh, Raisin Bran?". I'm so sorry you were given the name Raisin Bran, but every version I've seen of that has just been people naming the most absurd things they can that technically follow the description and it's very entertaining. Anyway, this is not the point of the episode. This was just a fun little... a fun. Good dad.
(clapping sounds)
KAYLA: Good dad.
SARAH: Alright, let's get into are the straights okay. Now something to know is that the slugline, the headline for this page is "Is someone holding these pour souls hostage and forcing them to be together?"
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: And then, first of all, you know how many members?
KAYLA: 69
SARAH: (laughing) 420,000
KAYLA: Do you think they kick people out just to keep that?
SARAH: Well they have 420,000 LGBTQ+ and Ally and then 488 questioning. So are they questioning whether they're LGBTQ+ or whether they're allies?
KAYLA: I mean, who's to say?
SARAH: Let's just dive in. I think we should start with the first one that showed up for me which I don't think this is bad. I think this is funny.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: It's a Tweet, it's blocked out who it's from. It looks like a white guy. "I don't agree with the reverse cowgirl position. Women should face their problems". I think that's funny.
KAYLA: That's funny.
SARAH: It's playing on the fact that... it's striking back at sexism, you know? Like saying here are the stereotypes and women are just saying no. I'm going to accept your stereotype but hit you with it, you know? And I respect that.
KAYLA: I think that's a no notes.
SARAH: I respect that.
KAYLA: I think the straights are okay on that one.
SARAH: Yeah. But that wouldn't work if you were like "I think men should face their problems" because you know what? That's punching down. But if you're saying women should face their problems, that's punching up and that's how comedy works.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Okay. Next, let's see what we have. This one I saw on Twitter the other day as well. So it's a person on some sort of dating app they're messaging.
KAYLA: Oh I have this one too
SARAH: Yeah. And this person, this guy, it's clear that they're a guy because you'll see later. It says "I read your bio I don't think we'd be a good match" and this woman responds and she says "out of curiosity, which part made you determine that?" and he sends a paragraph. "Single mother. So I'll come second to children that aren't even mine. Which is totally understandable btw"
(10:00)
SARAH: "Also you have kids and you're 35, so you probably don't want anymore, and even if you did, it's about a 75% chance that you can't"
KAYLA: Oh my god
SARAH: "and also you're an 'independent woman' so your career will come before me as well. Most likely not submissive. Have the same 'I don't need a man I want a man' attitude as all the other girls that let that social construct brainwash them. When girls typically say they are independent, they use it as an excuse for their bad behavior and masculine traits."
KAYLA: What
SARAH: "I want a stay at home wife that's the mother to my children who will give me stability and will stay loyal to me and is submissive, but that's impossible to find. Sorry for the rant. Modern dating is impossible for men like me, lol". I wonder fucking why
KAYLA: There is so much in here. Like the thing that this mentality, the social construct that's brainwashing people, which social construct is he talking about?
SARAH: I don't know
KAYLA: Like I don't think that's what a social construct is
SARAH: This just in: independent women are just using it as an excuse for their bad behavior and masculine traits.
KAYLA: What bad behavior is he talking about? Having a child?
SARAH: I think he's talking about having what he believes to be superfluous sex. That's my guess.
KAYLA: I don't like this man
SARAH: What the fuck does he mean by masculine traits?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, I have pretty wide shoulders, but I was born that way. Should I blame that on my independence?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Okay. I'll keep that in mind.
KAYLA: I have one from... I think it might be from a different Reddit or something it's a screenshot
SARAH: Sorry I'm still just thinking about "sorry for the rant modern dating is impossible for men like me" yeah I wonder fucking why. Because women figured out that they –
KAYLA: Yeah that's very "pick me, I'm the nice guy" attitude
SARAH: Yeah. Women have always known that – well, some women have always known that they deserve better, but now women are given the options to have better in a way that they in the past did not, and now women have been given options for more independence so that they can pursue those masculine traits.
KAYLA: Not the masculine traits.
SARAH: So yeah. No one fucking wants to date you. Okay. Go to yours.
KAYLA: Okay. So it's a screenshot of a post and it says "it's a dad's job"
SARAH: (scoffs) I also have that one
KAYLA: "Nay, his holy mandate from the flying spaghetti monster, to not get along with their children's boyfriends. Only when they are promoted to husband may the dad ease up on the holy hatred, but not too much. We don't want that dude to get complacent. Side note, the dad may actually like the boyfriend, but showing this in front of their child is strictly prohibited. This is shown in article B subsection 3a of the father's association contract, or FAC for short"
SARAH: Here's the thing: this person says "get along with their children's boyfriends" so if they have a son, they can be equally as toxic toward their son's boyfriend
KAYLA: Right. It's on the right step to inclusivity, I guess?
SARAH: (laughing) If you want to take it that way
KAYLA: Just the whole attitude of the overprotective father with the shotgun or whatever
SARAH: Gotta get the gun
KAYLA: It's just so...
SARAH: You know, something I'm curious about. The shotgun thing is so American. Like "oh your teenage daughter has a boyfriend better threaten him with a shotgun to treat her right" or whatever. Problematic on so many levels, but I can't imagine that the same shotgun specific stereotype/idea/picture is painted in other countries where guns are less prevalent.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So what's the equivalent, you know?
KAYLA: I don't know, because to me I think this stereotype comes back to... I always picture like a farmer on the porch
SARAH: Absolutely
KAYLA: Polishing his gun when the boyfriend comes over to pick up the daughter
SARAH: His 16 year old daughter is going to prom or something and this white boy rolls up in a pickup truck and is like "I'd like to take your daughter to prom, sir" and he's like "better fucking treat her right. I know boys like you. I used to be a boy like you"
(15:00)
KAYLA: That's another thing. This is something my dad would always say "I know how terrible boys are because I was one once and they have terrible thoughts and do terrible things" and I'm like, okay yeah probably but then like if we all know about it why aren't we doing anything about it? If these older men are like "men are terrible"
SARAH: Yeah. Well they think it's a natural part of the way that boys and men are. They think it's inherent to masculinity and manhood
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so they don't think it can be fixed.
KAYLA: But like these same men who are being shotgun protective over their daughters, are they raising their sons any better? You know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah like are they raising their sons to be respectful of women? Not necessarily. Their sons are getting shotgun threatened by other dads.
KAYLA: Right like that's what I'm saying. If you have a son you should be like "okay I know what I think of other boys his age" so like. I don't know man
SARAH: Usually when people are like "as a father of daughters"
KAYLA: ugh. I hate that.
SARAH: Or "as a mother of sons" I hate anything that starts with that, but with the recent rise of – I don't know how recent it was but I recently because aware of it – but with the recent rise of Andrew Tate
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: I've seen a lot of posts about like "If you have teenage sons or younger make sure you're aware of what they're consuming" and that's super valid because that's how white nationalists are radicalized, like all of this stuff.
KAYLA: Yeah I saw a lot of posts of people being like "I had never heard of Andrew Tate but I asked my son and he knew exactly who it was"
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's horrifying
SARAH: If you don't know who Andrew Tate is
KAYLA: That's okay
SARAH: Congratulations. I wish I could go back to the me of two weeks ago who didn't know who Andrew Tate was but alas
KAYLA: I do love the memes that are like "Andrew Tate has been banned from Olive Garden"
SARAH: As he should be. Let's do another one. Oh my god, okay. Oh my god. This one is rough. This one is real rough. This is a letter that was left at someone's door from a neighbor.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: (clears throat) "Dear neighbor, I was recently informed that you are not Mexican but Indian"
KAYLA: Um.
SARAH: (laughing) That is... it continues "I am not racist and wish for all kinds to love and be loved, but I would like to inform you, that we, citizens of [redacted] pay taxes to live on this land and you do not"
KAYLA: What.
SARAH: "There are Indian reservation held for your people" I thought they meant Indian like India. They mean Native American.
KAYLA: I also thought that. I was very confused.
SARAH: Oh my god. Okay. Wow. It keeps getting better. "there are Indian reservations held for your people where you are welcome and appreciated. This is not your place. You are not welcome in this neighborhood. I kindly suggest with the best of intentions that you consider moving back in a place where you really belong. Also, I overheard a conversation with my son and his friend and said that he thinks your daughter is cute. I highly suggest you tell your daughter not to dress inappropriately as it is confusing my son and possibly his friends"
KAYLA: The fuck?
SARAH: "I do not think it is cute at all. It is a sin for your daughter to dress this way"
KAYLA: Huh?!
SARAH: "Please tell your daughter if she expresses any interest in my son or any other young man in this neighborhood that interracial dating or marriage is sin and punished by god and highly discouraged. I have told the same to my child. She would be better off finding a young man in a reservation who is also Indian. She will be way happier. I believe you would be better you and your family going back to a reservation with your people for the well-being of you and your family. Sincerely, a neighbor"
KAYLA: My jaw has been on the ground for minutes
SARAH: Here's the thing. If you ever have to say "I'm not racist"
KAYLA: Not a good start. We can't start that way.
SARAH: We can't start that way. And the first sentence "I was recently informed you are not Mexican but Indian"
KAYLA: What does that even – like what was the conversation there?
SARAH: Also, would it have been okay if they were Mexican?
KAYLA: No because he's against interracial marriage.
SARAH: Right! Again, this gets very complicated of like who's considered white?
KAYLA: I just –
SARAH: Also it's so wild to me
(20:00)
SARAH: That this person's son thinks that this indigenous, I assume teenager, is cute. And there's no notation of how she dresses or what is inappropriate about it
KAYLA: No. My guess –
SARAH: It just says that because the son thinks she's cute she must be doing something inappropriate to make her perfect little white boy think that this Native American young girl is cute.
KAYLA: Yeah I mean she's probably just dressing like a teenager
SARAH: Probably
KAYLA: Good god
SARAH: But it's confusing this person's son and possibly his friends
KAYLA: What does that mean?
SARAH: Well they're confused because they feel attracted to it and they shouldn't, so it's confusing their sensibilities.
KAYLA: Not their sensibilities.
SARAH: It is a sin for your daughter to dress this way. What is this way? You don't even say. Anyway, this is written in size 12 Calibri font, clearly written on Microsoft Word
KAYLA: I have some signs for you that I'd like to read
SARAH: Please
KAYLA: One is at the wall at a gym
SARAH: Yep, I got that one
KAYLA: And it says "cheat on your gf, not on your workout". So that's cool.
SARAH: Sorry if anyone heard that noise it was Bogie bunting my microphone, he wanted to be a part of this.
KAYLA: Thank you Bogie. My cats are very much going to be part of this episode as well, so.
SARAH: Here's the thing – oh now he's bunting me. Thank you bestie. Here's the thing. The graphic design on this thing is horrible. It's godawful.
KAYLA: Well because the background is like fake wood but black?
SARAH: But it's black. I think it might be real wood but painted.
KAYLA: No there's no way that's real. It looks like a stick-on
SARAH: No, actually you're right it is a stick on.
KAYLA: And why? If you look at the rest of this gym, there's no wood
SARAH: Look at those giant arms in the background. Oh I'm sorry. Look at this. There's some very ripped arms on the wall of an image.
KAYLA: That is horrifying. Those are very large.
SARAH: Wait, hold on. There are so many problems with this, visually. In the "yours" the on and the yours are combined, so there's a Y that's in yellow and then an O that's in white and then an N that's slightly above in white and then a U that's in yellow and then an R.
KAYLA: Yeah they're like combining –
SARAH: So it's hard to read
KAYLA: It is
SARAH: Also there's an end quote but no beginning quote
KAYLA: Yeah there's a quotation mark after the word workouts, the last word. There is no quotation mark before cheat
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: The first word. There's a lot of issues here.
SARAH: If I were a woman, and I am
KAYLA: Okay. Good to know
SARAH: Full sentences. If I were a woman at this gym, I would leave immediately.
KAYLA: There's no way.
SARAH: I would feel so unwelcome
KAYLA: There's no way that women go to this gym
SARAH: Gyms are already rough enough to be a woman going to a gym, which is why those gyms where it's like women only
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Or women and non-binary people only. I love that. What a great concept. And that is so... my god.
KAYLA: It's really bad.
SARAH: Also it says "cheat on your gf". Cheat on your gluten free? Have a cheat day.
KAYLA: Honestly maybe that is what they meant.
SARAH: Eat some bread
KAYLA: Maybe that's what they meant. Someone in the comments said "I'm more offended by the awful graphic design than the message itself"
SARAH: (laughing) This person goes "my dyslexic brain shut down for a second. Cheat on your gf (pronounced guf) not on your workout"
KAYLA: I have another sign for you.
SARAH: Sure
KAYLA: It looks like a home decor sign from probably like a Hobby Lobby
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And it says "we interrupt this marriage for football season"
SARAH: I did see that one. I like the idea that the marriage just doesn't exist during football season. I know that football is like the stereotypical one but I think it would be even funnier if it were baseball season because baseball season is like 6 months out of the year
KAYLA: It is the majority of the year
SARAH: We interrupt this marriage for baseball season is literally just Hades and Persephone
KAYLA: Hold on my cat is about to suffocate in a large amount of plastic. I need to prevent this. Have you chosen today to be your last?
(theme music plays)
(24:54)
SARAH: I said something very funny right before they lost the plastic privileges but you were distracted by the fact that your cat was suffocating in plastic. Anyway I'll say it again just to drive it home. A home run, if you will.
KAYLA: Go ahead with your funny
SARAH: The marriage being on hold for baseball season is actually just Persephone and Hades because it's 6 months and it's the warm months
KAYLA: That wasn't as funny as you led me...
SARAH: Persephone is flipping the script and she's really into baseball
KAYLA: You told me you were going to re-say this joke because it was so funny and you wanted me to hear it
SARAH: It's clever
KAYLA: Can I tell you a really funny joke that I said today?
SARAH: My bar is really low. Yeah?
KAYLA: So I've been moving today.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: It's been rancid, to be honest, but my friend and roommate Perry was helping me put together my bed and we had to push these parts together, there was like a wooden dowel situation, and it was really like we were giving birth because it was just like okay push, push.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And I was just like "it's giving...birth" and that's really funny
SARAH: That's actually pretty good
KAYLA: Thank you. I laughed for a long time about it
SARAH: I'm happy for you
KAYLA: Thank you
SARAH: I have one that is the straights but it is also one that's very relevant to our topics of asexuality
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: So this is from another Reddit thread they've taken. "So basically, me and my husband reached dead bedroom situation. I was only down for sex when I felt 100% in the mood for it because I was following my friend group's advice. I never really initiated much. My mom essentially told me to just say yes whenever my husband is in the mood because it's not really fair to him to compromise and say no."
KAYLA: Noo. Rancid.
SARAH: "Marriage is about compromise. She also suggested I should start initiating more to make him feel wanted, which I did, and now we're back to being in a happy marriage"
KAYLA: No
SARAH: "Mom always said that if I don't change my ways he'll cheat eventually because if you're hungry and you don't have food at home, you you search for it somewhere else.It's obvious"
KAYLA: Oh my god
SARAH: This is so crazy to me that this person's mother is telling them all these things
KAYLA: That is... oh no
SARAH: First of all, why are you talking to your mother about your sex life? Is your mother asking you about your sex life or are you volunteering this information?
KAYLA: Yeah I don't... yeah.
SARAH: I like how they're like "which I did and now we're back in a happy marriage." Happy for who?
KAYLA: Yeah I don't believe that this woman is happy especially if she's writing this post
SARAH: And if it's sort of a sex indifferent thing where it's like "okay not going to really initiate it but it's fine" then maybe that's okay but clearly if her friends were saying don't do it unless you're really down for it and so she stopped, I think that indicates something.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And also the idea of she should start initiating more so she makes him feel wanted, I'm assuming this kind of implies sexually wanted but there are other ways to make your loved ones feel wanted by you as a person that don't involve sucking their dick.
KAYLA: Ugh. Yeah. That's true.
SARAH: Oh this comment is good. This says "I do love this is always the woman's problem to solve. We don't want to have sex with you when we are exhausted, if your hygiene is poor, or if we don't feel loved, safe, or respected. When I have kids touching me all day and I have spent my entire day making sure everyone else's needs are fulfilled the last thing I want to be told is that it's my duty to suck an unwashed penis and have that count as foreplay"
KAYLA: Ahhh. Yeah. I have another sign for you
SARAH: Please.
KAYLA: It also looks like maybe a hobby lobby. It is red, white, and blue colored
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And it says "being married is having complete freedom to do whatever your wife tells you"
SARAH: Yeah. No.
KAYLA: So
SARAH: This one is a shirt for a child that says "nice boobs, can I try one?"
KAYLA: I did see that.
SARAH: The shirt is blue, so it's obviously for a boy. This one is from Deer Mounts of America on Facebook. Now, to anyone who said "what the fuck is a Deer Mount", I have to assume it's like a deer head mounted on a wall, I have to assume that's what this means. It's that picture of Robert Downey Jr. where he's like gasping with his eyes closed
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: It's often used as in relief as a reaction. It says "when you thought one of your deer mounts fell off the wall but it was just your wife falling down the stairs"
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: The caption is "Oh deer," D-E-E-R. That is a good caption
KAYLA: Yeah, but
(30:00)
SARAH: This person, apparently their deer heads on their wall, way more important to them than the life and well-being of their wife. Because fuck wives, am I right? In many ways. Multiple ways.
KAYLA: Ew.
SARAH: This one is a picture of Amanda Bines and then next to that is scraggly looking white man smoking something and Amanda Bines is labeled girlfriend and the man is labeled homeless man and it's like a checklist. So they both asks you for the money, they both would happily move out to your house, but something that the homeless man would do that Amanda Bines the girlfriend would not do is "starts a conversation by calling you sir or mister" to which I say that depends on your relationship.
KAYLA: It does but also like...
SARAH: Oh my god I saw a tweet the other day that this person said they had a crush on the homeless man they would pass on their way to work every day and they would talk to them and she got him a gift or something and he's a musician so he sang her a song and it was really cute. And one of the top replies was this person – apologies in advance – but it was so graphic that I remember it. This person was like "I would rather drag my coochie over concrete than admit I had a crush on a homeless guy"
KAYLA: What the fuck?
SARAH: And it's like, did you know that unhoused people are people too? What the fuck?
KAYLA: What.
SARAH: Is your problem?
KAYLA: Jesus Christ. The straights are not okay.
SARAH: They are not okay. This is wrong on many levels because sexist and also they don't treat unhoused people like people and that's fucking absurd
KAYLA: That is such a wild sentiment
SARAH: I don't know, maybe just start with the premise that unhoused people are human people who deserve to be alive, have rights?
KAYLA: Imagine
SARAH: Imagine
KAYLA: I have here... I guess it's like a wedding invitation?
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And the caption from the original post says "can't wait to surprise my fiance with these signs at our wedding in 19 days" and the sign says "welcome to Emily's wedding featuring Bailey" and Emily's wedding is in very large script font and very small featuring Bailey
SARAH: Is Bailey a man?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: I guess it's "Are the straights okay?"
KAYLA: I'm assuming Bailey is the wife and she's saying this is my big day featuring my future husband
SARAH: You mean Emily is the wife?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: You said Bailey
KAYLA: Whatever, just the sentiment of like the wedding is the woman's day and the guy is just there begrudgingly to be chained to this woman is just bad
SARAH: I love it when men have strong opinions about their own weddings
KAYLA: It's great
SARAH: Like yes bitch. Or my sister, who's marrying a woman, the wedding is mostly being planned by my sister's fiance and my mother and Emily is obviously doing a lot of things, my sister is doing a lot of things, but she's less worried about the fru fru of it all, and you know what, she's not a man, isn't that weird? But Kayla.
KAYLA: Yes?
SARAH: They're in a same sex relationship so that must mean my sister is the man
KAYLA: Yeah and she can't keep letting those masculine traits come into play
SARAH: Yeah, can't
KAYLA: I have a guy friend who told me the other day he's been planning his wedding since he was a kid and I was like, "wow"
SARAH: I love that
KAYLA: I always hear of little girls planning their wedding whatever but I never hear a guy saying that
SARAH: Or if it is a guy it's always like well they must be gay and it's like no, let straight men be interested in their own weddings
KAYLA: Imagine
SARAH: This one is a screenshot of a TikTok and it's from behind, you can't see their faces, but it's this little boy, probably like a kindergartner, small. And he's walking beside some girls who could be upper elementary, they could also be in middle school, just based off of their... I don't know I'm bad at judging the ages of children especially when I can't see their fucking faces, but basically he's walking hand in hand with some older girls
(35:02)
SARAH: And the caption is "found out why our son loves going to school so much"
KAYLA: Ew. No.
SARAH: Like have you thought about the fact that maybe he just has a sweet relationship with these girls who are a couple years older than him at school? Like maybe they're just being nice to him because he's a kid. Like what the fuck? Why do you have to make it seem like he's already womanizing them? This kid's 5
KAYLA: Yucky.
SARAH: I have 3 more. Do we want to just power through them?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay so this is a sign at a bathroom. It's strange, you know because it has the woman in a dress to indicate this is the women's bathroom and it has a W, and then it has a man who's not wearing a dress to indicate that that's a man, and then it has an M. But the M and the W are right next to each other so it just says "MW". It's kind of strange. But the image, there's a line between them, because you know, they have different bathrooms of course, and the man is climbing the wall to look at the woman.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: That is sexual harassment, is what that is.
KAYLA: That's like not funny.
SARAH: First of all, there's no fucking reason for bathrooms to be segregated by gender. The only reason I can think of is for women's safety, and that shouldn't have to be a fucking problem.
KAYLA: Bathrooms should be segregated by this is the urinal room and this is the stall room
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That is how bathrooms should be separated.
SARAH: Yeah I've seen them before recently, because I live in LA, I saw one where instead of showing this is the gender of this bathroom and this is the gender of this bathroom, the placard outside showed what's in the bathroom so one of them showed a toilet and a urinal and one of them just showed a toilet.
KAYLA: That is correct
SARAH: And you don't even have to change the infrastructure you just change the fucking sign. Anyway, hate this. Then I have this one. This is from a different Reddit. It's from r/trueoffmychest. "Wife doesn't trust any women. I'm so sick of my wife always giving me shit about other women. I have zero female friends, I have maybe 5 women I work with occasionally, none in the same city as me. One out of every 20 clients are women. My wife and I literally spend every second of the day together, yet I have to get this bloody suspicious treatment when it comes to other women. Here are a few examples. She hovers over my inbox and for every woman who's emailed me, 'who's that, who's that, who's that' even if I've already explained to her many times over who these women are, she'll forget the next week and she'll be asking me about the same women. I'm in sales and if I post something on LinkedIn and a woman likes it, holy shit she must want to fuck me. Then she spirals saying 'she's liked every single one of your posts' so I'll go back and check and it'll be more like 3 posts out of the last 10. The latest woman is on my sales team and she works about 5,000 miles away from me. So I'm constantly having to block when I work with. I have to be so careful with what I say to other women over the phone. I had one client worried about something we were talking about and I said 'don't worry, it'll get done'. The next thing I know 'why are you emotionally supporting these women? They shouldn't come to you for emotional support'"
KAYLA: This woman is insane.
SARAH: "My office doesn't allow spouses at their Christmas party, so when I tell her I still want to go just for the dinner then leave, she stops crying on the kitchen floor"
KAYLA: Uh. Not the floor
SARAH: "She has gone through my old emails only to give me shit for using exclamation marks saying 'see you later!' implies a future meeting or using emojis"
KAYLA: Oh my god
SARAH: "If I'm talking to a female client right in front of her for more than 5 minutes, she accuses me of talking for hours on end. Every time I'm writing a work message I get "who that, who that", asking me who it is with a suspicious tone. Some women will say something flirty to me right in front of her. Why do women have to do that? But then somehow it's my fault and I didn't respond properly. Even if I just respond with 'I've never seen you before in my life.' If I get one email from a female client for a deal that doesn't go anywhere, I'm accused of hiding it from her. If I'm caught off guard and a female friend hugs me, I'm fucked. Normally I can catch it and put my hand out for a shake, but not always. She tells me she needs reassurance, but I can't do it to the level she needs, and because I can't do it to the level that she needs, I'm not being a good husband and making her feel safe"
(40:00)
SARAH: "I've asked her to back off. She doesn't want to. She says it's my behaviors that need to change, but I've changed as much as I can and I'm sick of this shit" Leave her.
KAYLA: Yeah respectfully, I don't know that you can come back from this
SARAH: No. This woman clearly has a lot of insecurities and problems that you cannot solve for her
KAYLA: If there's not going to be a level of trust in your relationship, then what is your relationship based on?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Also I'm assuming this woman probably has men in her life at work.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Or just in general, and I'm assuming that he is not acting that way.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah that's a ... wow.
SARAH: (laughing) What really gets me is the "why are you emotionally supporting these women? They shouldn't come to you for emotional support"
KAYLA: Just telling someone at work "yeah I'll get it done, I'll do my job"
SARAH: (laughing) I will do my job
KAYLA: Good lord
SARAH: Alright I got one more. Are you ready?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: This appears to be some sort of tapestry and it says "why is a ship called she?" It's one of those quote tapestries that's like "I'm going to pretend to be Nordic and fun". It says "a ship is called she because there is always a great deal of bustle around her. There is usually a gang of men about. She has a waist and stays. It takes a lot of paint to keep her good-looking"
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: "It is not the initial expense that breaks you. It is the upkeep. She can be all decked out. It takes an experienced man to handle her correctly. And without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom, and when coming into port, always heads for the buoys". I always say that buoys (said boo-eys), that's my accent, but some people would say boys which is the joke.
KAYLA: People call them boys?
SARAH: Yeah it's not like boys but it's like bo-boy-y. But I say buoy
KAYLA: What the heck? They're called buoys.
SARAH: Listen we're both from Michigan, Kayla. We have a bias here
KAYLA: That not a Michigan thing, they're buoys.
SARAH: No but we have like a midwestern, I don't mean Michigan specifically
KAYLA: Yeah but I thought everyone called them buoys
SARAH: I'm looking it up
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: It does say buoy on Google, but I have absolutely heard it pronounced... yeah Wikipedia gives an alternate presentation
KAYLA: Whoever's saying that, y'all are wrong
SARAH: Okay. I just hate that.
KAYLA: It's very bad
SARAH: Parading is like nice poetry?
KAYLA: It's not
SARAH: Like this is for women? No. It takes a lot of paint to keep her good-looking? Without a man at the helm she's uncontrollable? Let her be uncontrollable. Please. Takes an experienced man to handle her correctly
KAYLA: I do not like it.
SARAH: So I think in conclusion, are the straights okay? No.
KAYLA: No. No.
SARAH: So the straights are not okay. What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: I think our poll should just be are the straights okay?
SARAH: Are the straights okay? Please provide evidence of your answer
KAYLA: Ooh, that I like. Yeah. Tell us yes or no and then give us your evidence
SARAH: Tell us why. Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Please write a ...
KAYLA: 3 paragraph essay
SARAH: What were they fucking called in AP classes? Like the long answers?
KAYLA: Don't remember. I know what you're talking about though. It was like 3 letters
SARAH: It was 3 letters
KAYLA: It was an acronym. Feel like it ended in an I. Q, U something?
SARAH: DBQ was a databased question. DBQ? I think they've changed some of the terminology because I googled it.
KAYLA: How dare they?
SARAH: Anyway, back in the day, when I was in APUSH, AP US History in the lord's year 2012
KAYLA: We did DBQs
SARAH: We did DBQs. Yeah. Please provide us a DBQ in response. Great you can tell us your beef, your juice, your DBQ about straight people on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a patreon soundsfakepod, nope, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We also have a book.
KAYLA: Buy it!
SARAH: soundsfakepod.com/book. Woo!
(45:00)
SARAH: Our patrons, we have 2 new $2 patrons we have Dan Hauswald which is a fun last name because in German that means house forest.
KAYLA: That's very good
SARAH: And Emma. Thank you to both.
KAYLA: Welcome. Thank you!
SARAH: Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Jacob Weber, Jennifer Smart, Jessica Shea, Jolly Lizbert, and Julianne. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Arcnes who would like to promote the Trevor project, Ari K. who would like to promote Thought Slime, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote tabletop games, and Changeling and Alex the ace cat who would like to promote starshipchangeling.net and the fact that apparently Alex the ace cat can read.
KAYLA: Big news.
SARAH: Big news. Alex the ace cat is literate. Our other $10 patrons are David Jay, David Nurse, Derek and Carissa, CinnamonToastPunch, my Aunt Jeannie, Maggie Capalbo who, got an email that you bumped up from 5 to 10 but I've been calling you a 10 this whole time
KAYLA: Congrats
SARAH: There's a joke there about being a 10. 10/10. Let that percolate everyone, just come back to me with your jokes. Martin Chiesl, Mattie, Potater, Purple Hayes, Rosie Costello, Barefoot Backpacker, The Steve, and Zirklteo. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like to support – nope I've done it again – who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Keziah Root who would like to promote people who come into your life for a small time, but just when you need them. Nathaniel White who would like to promote nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, Kayla's Aunt Nina who would like to promote @katemaggart.art, and Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck who would like to promote Christmas from her parents and I don't know that your pronouns are she/her. Sorry. Sabrina Hauck who would like to promote Christmas from their parents. I always just default to they for all of our patrons but for some reason for Sabrina I was like "that there's a woman".
KAYLA: Boo.
SARAH: And Dragonfly who would like to promote just calling everyone they/them unless they explicitly tell you not to
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Thank you for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then –
SARAH: Wait! Woah woah woah woah woah woah. Kayla, we did not to beef and juice
KAYLA: Oh my god
(laughter)
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: We almost made it
KAYLA: What happened?
SARAH: (laughing) I don't know
KAYLA: It was almost not going to happen, huh?
SARAH: I'm pretty sure I said you can tell us about your beef, your juice
KAYLA: You did.
SARAH: But we just didn't do it
KAYLA: I didn't catch it. I'm so sleepy.
SARAH: Do you have beef and juice? I have actually prepared some this week.
KAYLA: My beef is moving.
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: It's garbage and I hope to never do it again. My juice is –
SARAH: So you want to live there forever?
KAYLA: If that's what it takes, yes. My juice is that I will soon be asleep.
SARAH: Good. My juice is the song and the music video for Gasoline by Key specifically the fit that he has with the big black shoulders, very gender, very good. My beef is the rapid and at times abrupt passage of time.
KAYLA: Mm.
SARAH: The older I get the more I realize that Smash Mouth was right. The years start coming, and they don't stop coming. I don't know if I said that on the podcast before, but I said it a lot recently. I just... Smash Mouth. They knew. They knew.
KAYLA: They knew.
SARAH: I think they also held a really large concert at the peak of covid, so maybe there's some things they didn't know
KAYLA: Maybe they didn't know
SARAH: But what they do know is the years start coming and they don't stop coming. And you know what? You know what that means? Next week's episode will be here before you know it. Next week. We'll be back tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
49:10