Hey what's up hello! This week we talk about everything and nothing.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/i-have-beef-with-the-moon
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
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Hey what's up hello! This week we talk about everything and nothing.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/i-have-beef-with-the-moon
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode… Content.
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds Fake But Okay.
(theme music plays)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod. We're gonna start out with the only planned thing we have on this episode, which is housekeeping.
KAYLA: I didn’t even know we – Oh yes.
SARAH: Just housekeeping.
KAYLA: Just some light housekeeping.
SARAH: Some light housekeeping, a little bit of sweeping, a bit of vacuuming, but like not with like a big shop vac, like with a smaller vacuum.
KAYLA: No. Handheld vac.
SARAH: Yeah, maybe even handheld. Anyway, thank you to everyone who came to our event in DC.
KAYLA: Yeah, we had some absolute pals.
SARAH: Absolute pals.
KAYLA: Patrons, once again.
SARAH: I couldn't see any of you while we were speaking. I also couldn't really hear you when we were speaking.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But I'm sure you were a wonderful audience.
KAYLA: They were. Everyone clapped. At one point, the laptop Sarah was on died. Everyone gasped. It was very funny. And then when she came back, everyone clapped. It was very sweet. Didn't get as many laughs about my mental illness jokes as I was wanting. I don't think people knew they were allowed to laugh.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But that's okay.
SARAH: Maybe next time we should preface it by
KAYLA: Can laugh
SARAH: we will make jokes about our poor mental health.
KAYLA: And you can laugh
SARAH: Please laugh
KAYLA: laugh because it is funny. Yeah, and then we sat Sarah up. I set Sarah up on an iPad while I was signing books and people got to come up and talk to her. It was very silly. I was very charmed by it.
SARAH: I could hear some things that were being said.
KAYLA: Which was an excellent sound.
SARAH: I could also hear the books being sold right next to Kayla's iPad.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And then my boss came in the room and was freaking out about flights to Albuquerque.
KAYLA: And she was like, I'm busy being famous.
SARAH: Could you please? I had to do a quick pause to discuss flights to Albuquerque.
KAYLA: And sometimes you must. But big thank you to Nathan and the folks at Busboys and Poets for having us. It was lovely. Thank you to everyone who came. Thank you to Elle Bitters who flew there.
SARAH: No, one bitter. Just one.
KAYLA: Elle Bitter. Sorry. Sorry.
SARAH: It's not multiple bitters.
KAYLA: Elle Bitter. Who else was a patron that was there? Who else? Who else?
SARAH: It was Nick.
KAYLA: Nick.
SARAH: Nick what? Nick Ford.
KAYLA: Nick Ford. But I was like, how do you spell the Nick? Which way do you spell the Nick? I know N-I-C-K, N-I-C and N-I-K. I wanted to write it correctly.
SARAH: That's fair. But I feel like with Nick, there is a standard. And then if you deviate from that standard, you need to say it's spelled this way. But if you're just spelled N-I-C-K, I don't think you need to specify.
KAYLA: Yeah, but I was writing it in Sharpie in their book that they just bought. So I didn't want to fuck it up.
SARAH: And Kayla kept almost misspelling the word should.
KAYLA: I did definitely misspell it one time and I had to squeeze a little L in there.
SARAH: Oh, you wrote shoud.
KAYLA: Yeah, it was a lot.
SARAH: I assumed it was like, don't shald or don't shold.
KAYLA: The problem I was having because I was trying to write fast and I was writing in the Sharpie and I was writing in all caps because that's how I usually write is in all caps. This is a post-college change, so you probably haven't seen it.
SARAH: My face right now.
KAYLA: I wish I could find an example for you
SARAH: shocked and confused.
KAYLA: I don't have much like I don't have much of my sticky notes right now. But I do a lot of my I do like all caps writing for oh somewhere in my house is screaming.
SARAH: So much wow, you've really changed and evolved as an adult.
KAYLA: Yeah, and so my U's – I was like doing my U's so fast that like the second half wasn't there. So they almost looked like an L and so I think I was tricky. It's fine.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Thank you for everyone who came and said very lovely things to us. It was a delight.
SARAH: I heard about 50% of the lovely things that were said. Kayla heard all of them.
KAYLA: Yeah, I will relay them to Sarah. Do not worry.
SARAH: Thank you.
KAYLA: Your thoughts will be heard.
SARAH: It was very good and we this is a little sneak preview. Gonna be having another another book thing.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: This summer. Where? When? We know but we won't tell you.
KAYLA: Won't tell you because nothing's up yet. And what if they took it away from us?
SARAH: That would be rough. Because I already told my mom.
KAYLA: I also already told my mom.
SARAH: My mom's pretty excited.
KAYLA: My mom’s also excited
SARAH: That should be a hint. That should be a hint for the kids.
KAYLA: Our moms are excited so that should be a hint. They're always excited but they're especially excited.
(05:00)
KAYLA: They're extra excited.
SARAH: Here's your hint.
KAYLA: If you know, you know. People will definitely get it. Also, we are one of the best podcasts.
SARAH: Did you know?
KAYLA: That's what they say.
SARAH: That's what Cosmopolitan says.
KAYLA: Cosmopolitan says that we're one of the best ones.
SARAH: In the top 14.
KAYLA: Yep right after Emma Chamberlain
SARAH: I don't think it was in any particular order.
KAYLA: I reread the article and it literally says in the article in no particular order. And I was like I'm gonna choose to ignore that. I'm gonna choose to think it was in order. We were number three after Emma Chamberlain.
SARAH: And I was like kind of offended that we're after Emma Chamberlain. But in their defense, Emma Chamberlain has about 16 million more followers than us. That is not an exaggeration. That is a fact and a figure. So like I get it.
KAYLA: So. It's fine.
SARAH: Everything is fine that guy in a burning kitchen.
KAYLA: Yep. To celebrate being one of the best, we thought that this week we would bring to you on a silver platter.
SARAH: Shit chaos.
KAYLA: A hot pile of garbage.
SARAH: Listen. We had two episodes in a row with guests. They were very serious. They were very somber. No they weren't.
KAYLA: They weren’t
SARAH: We're not somber here. But you know we did we and so today we're being silly billy and we didn't have a topic.
KAYLA: And I said what if we just don't have a topic. There's all these podcasts that they just go in and they just talk and that's it. That's the whole thing is they maybe come in with like one or two small little ideas. But the rest is just them talking.
SARAH: I was watching a video yesterday
KAYLA: And I said what if us
SARAH: and here's the thing about not having a topic is it gives me more avenues to talk about BTS.
KAYLA: I'm shocked. To the person who tweeted us and was like I always forget Sarah is army until she talks about it. Which I don't know how you forget because she always talks about it. This one is for you person on Twitter
SARAH: This one is for you person on twitter
KAYLA: whose name I can't remember.
SARAH: I was watching Jimin and Yoongi were on some YouTube channel. It's called Ddeun Ddeun. It's what's his face Jae-Suk and some of the other like this means nothing to most people. It's some guys some like variety show dudes in Korea, but it's like not a structured show at all. Like it's just them like sitting there drinking coffee and why Jimin and Yoongi were on together? I don't know. People thought it was because there might be a Jimin feature on Yoongi's new album, but we got the track list and he's not on there and we're confused. But I love it because Yoongin is love and Yoongin is life. And anyway TLDR there was no plans no topic at all and so they were just fucking around and they were having a weird situation where they were like trying not to treat them differently because they were BTS but also they're BTS. They were like a little bit like whoa.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But they ended up having a really robust conversation about nipples.
KAYLA: Oh that's interesting considering how much content I feel like the BTS fan base how much they talk about nipples.
SARAH: Yeah I was like I mean we could bring up the jipples here. But I don't know if he knows about the jipples.
KAYLA: I hope he doesn't because from what I'm getting from that I feel like he shouldn't.
SARAH: I think he would find it
KAYLA: For his health and safety
SARAH: funny that people refer to his nipples as jipples just because his name is Jimin.
KAYLA: How would you feel if someone referred to your nipples as sipples?
SARAH: Confused. Sipples is bad.
KAYLA: Okay so you don't think he would feel confused?
SARAH: Oh he would feel confused.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I'm not saying he wouldn't.
KAYLA: Interesting. Okay.
SARAH: No there was a very robust conversation about nipples. It was bizarre.
KAYLA: Well that's… good.
SARAH: Delightful. Anyway this is our podcast this week.
KAYLA: And this is it. That's it. Goodbye.
SARAH: Bye. I have another thing about BTS I could say but I don't think you want that.
KAYLA: I don't. Now I am thinking though about the text you sent me of your BTS friend. Can I tell this story?
SARAH: Yeah sure.
KAYLA: Okay Sarah sent me screenshots of a Twitter interaction with a BTS. Well they're a friend from how did you meet them? Through BTS or were they a friend from school first?
SARAH: No I met them through BTS. They were the BTS friend that you met.
KAYLA: Yeah so
(10:00)
KAYLA: Sarah has this friend that she met on BTS Twitter and I met them. But anyway I guess they've been reading our book but they tweeted about wanting to suck a member of BTS – S-U-C-C
SARAH: No no no that was TXT. It wasn't even BTS it was TXT.
KAYLA: Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Succ. Succ. S-U-C-C a K-pop person and then Sarah was like my eyes. And then her friend was like actually it's funny because I was just reading the sex chapter of your book and I'm learning a lot about myself as an aspec person but also how I want to succ this person and it's just you know the good word it is being spread.
SARAH: And I was like you know what it's the duality of humans.
KAYLA: Listen it is possible to be asexual and want to succ like that is that happens to many people.
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: And that's okay.
SARAH: And that's okay. And apparently this same friend has also been evangelizing our book and telling other people about it, which is nice
KAYLA: I do love that. That is very nice. Speaking of sucking.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: I got a new water bottle today
SARAH: Fuck you
KAYLA: and it's all no listen though it's all I can think about.
SARAH: Are you is the water bottle fucking and sucking you? Is that what's happening?
KAYLA: In a way I would say I'm fucking and sucking it if anything.
SARAH: But I think in the context of how you use that phrase it's fucking and sucking you.
KAYLA: But it's not. I'm sucking it.
SARAH: Do you know what that is from? The first time I saw it used with someone was saying they got a Korean fried chicken and they were like damn this chicken is sucking and fucking me right now.
KAYLA: I thought it was just like a phrase like I didn't, I don't know that I've heard it used in that way.
SARAH: Oh that's always how I hear it used.
KAYLA: The way I usually hear it in my own home is we'll be like what are we doing this weekend and no one will have anything to say so they just say sucking and fucking.
SARAH: We live in different worlds.
KAYLA: Notably though, like that's often not what we are doing.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like that is almost never what the plans are revolving around.
SARAH: Yeah. Especially not when I'm in town.
KAYLA: Well yeah exactly because no one was allowed to have sex in the house when Sarah was there.
SARAH: My power.
KAYLA: Her power. No anyway I got a new water bottle. It's the… what's it called Owala. How do you pronounce it? Now I want know what it's called. It's called the Owala sip and chug.
SARAH: Sip and chug. There's a big difference between sipping and chugging.
KAYLA: Okay now I have to go get it because I want to show you.
SARAH: Okay go get it. Oh is it the one that you texted me about today?
KAYLA: Oh yeah I had Sarah help me pick a color but you have to see the inside okay.
SARAH: Oh my god. This is a podcast. No one else can see it.
KAYLA: It's fine I want your reaction. This is a reaction podcast.
SARAH: Oh Jesus Christ.
KAYLA: I can hear you through my headphones they're not even on but I can hear you.
SARAH: No I was gonna say no one likes you but that's just not true.
KAYLA: That's not nice.
SARAH: That's just not that's just not a good insult. That's the insult I use to drivers on the road when I'm mad at them. They'll do something asshole-ish and I'll just be like your mother doesn't love you. But that's like not a good insult to use in real life and sometimes I want to use it against Bogey the cat but here's the thing. I know Bogey the cat's mother loves him because I live with her also. So it really only works for strangers which is why it didn't work then. Because I know people like Kayla why else would you be listening to this god forsaken podcast?
KAYLA: So true
SARAH: I was keeping them entertained.
KAYLA: Thank you it was when I left the downstairs people were there watching TV but then I was just there. Dark, empty, silent, scary.
SARAH: What was someone screaming about then?
KAYLA: Well they were down there at the time.
SARAH: Maybe they were taken.
KAYLA: Let's check find my friends. I can only see two out of three roommates but well everyone is accounted for. Anyway, this is my water bottle
SARAH: it is orange.
KAYLA: It's like yeah it's a yellow but okay.
SARAH: It's a very yellowy orange it's like a it's like
KAYLA: yeah yeah.
SARAH: It has a roof.
KAYLA: So listen okay so you pop it open. ASMR.
SARAH: I didn't hear that but I look forward to hearing it when I'm editing. Hold on I just checked find my friends and I was informed that my sister's laptop is low on battery.
KAYLA: You should text her about that
SARAH: I will
KAYLA: I wish you would. So see listen
(15:00)
KAYLA: and you can look this up Owala sip and chug for reference for those of you at home. So there's a hole right but inside the hole there's a smaller hole and that's because there's a straw so it's a sip and chug because there's a straw part or you can
SARAH: you can choose to straw
KAYLA: or if you're like I'm really thirsty you can
SARAH: but it's a weird but it's a weird shape because it's not a normal straw shape
KAYLA: it's not which is
SARAH: you have you have to do a weird thing with your mouth to make a seal
KAYLA: you do but I will tell you what I filled this with water and I finished it so fast I was just like sip sip sip sipping because some of us I guess have oral fixations that we need to work through I don't know
SARAH: I used to I used to like the the the kind with the
KAYLA: oh the rubber?
SARAH: yeah with the straw. I don't like this as much anymore I like the ones where you just chomp chomp
KAYLA: So you like a chug. see yours is just a chug
SARAH: mine is just chug but it's not like a camelback chug where the entire top is open
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: because that was too much that will dump on your face
KAYLA: yeah I like to have a straw having a having a suck makes me drink more
SARAH: interesting
KAYLA: sucking and fucking
SARAH: oh okay the rubber things though I don't like you know how people will have like stimmy like stimming like chew toys they'll have like a necklace and there'll be like a rubber pendant on it to chew
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: that – Sarah has a different
SARAH: I was just reminded of rubber fidgets
KAYLA: but I was like I think I would like a chew like fidget but I don't like the rubber chew texture like it's squeaky that is not what I want I would like a different chew texture
SARAH: I see I will be back in just one moment
KAYLA: now she's leaving me she didn't even tell me why. Tell me why I got another pet rock tell me why I used to know that whole song one time in fifth grade I'm assuming that must have been around the time the eBay song came out my fifth grade class sang the oh she sat down and then she looked at gas and she got back up I'm assuming it's a cat situation my entire fifth grade class sang that song the weird Al eBay song to our teachers because we were talking about it and we were like oh you don't know that song and then
SARAH: we were talking about that. Unbelievable. We sang the whole thing
KAYLA: yeah but you don't even know what song I'm talking about exactly I bet you feel stupid now don't you
SARAH: I always feel stupid because I am
KAYLA: oh well that's not a good way to think about it
SARAH: books smart not street smart maybe I'm street smart but maybe I maybe I’m not numbers smart
KAYLA: You’re definitely not numbers smart
SARAH: you know what you know what today I was dealing with an accounting department at a major Hollywood talent agency
KAYLA: uh huh and they were bad at numbers from what I've heard
SARAH: a talent agency that has its own entire accounting like whole section for accounting not just like a person or two people like like a lot of people they did not they they I they were invoicing to get paid so that their client could get paid could get paid by us, sort of. We were facilitating it and the first number they gave us was forty thousand dollars short
KAYLA: oh. I love that
SARAH: of what they were owed and then I said to them no we owe you forty thousand dollars more than this what are you doing why am I the one telling you that
KAYLA: yeah that's embarrassing
SARAH: and then they sent me an invoice that was wrong still
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: even though I told them exactly the number and it was still wrong and then I had to call this man like twice. Anyway
KAYLA: I also had accounting problems at work today so just bad day for accountants it seems like. I also haven't done my taxes yet and my dad texted me because I have to do my taxes with my dad because I'm a child and he was like do you want to do them right now and I said papa I cannot I'm watching knife or death with my friends right now
SARAH: oh I did my taxes last night with my dad and by that I mean I had already given him all the information yeah and he had done them for me and then he was just walking me through with any questions he had
KAYLA: see the way I do my taxes is I I well when we when I did it with like when I was physically with my dad
(20:00)
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I would be at the computer and I would be filling things in I just need him to be there also to watch me do it yeah because I get nervous doing it
SARAH: Oh yeah
KAYLA: I need I need someone I need a real adult to watch to supervise my taxes to tell me if I do anything wrong
SARAH: part of the problem is the way my father shows love is just by like acts of service like doing things for you and
KAYLA: and making meat
SARAH: but yeah and making things but he wants like he wants us to be self-sufficient but then but then
KAYLA: he's like here you go
SARAH: but then like you know before you drive across the country he's like oh yeah I refilled all your tires with air and I did this and I did that and then two years later you're in California and you're you need to put air in your tires and you have no idea how
KAYLA: I still don't know how I
SARAH: I'm really bad at using the the meter the reader so my dad bought me a fancy one
KAYLA: it's not even like – I know when they're getting flat it's like going to the gas station and doing the pump I don't know
SARAH: it's too much
KAYLA: I once had a very lovely lesbian teach me how to do it
SARAH: Ah yes
KAYLA: and I promptly forgot because that was pre-pandemic
SARAH: yeah so yeah I what was I saying I was saying something I was going taxes accounting so then my dad what he does is he helps me and my sister with our taxes the thing is though is because my sister lives in Michigan my sister and her wife go over to my parents house and they like do it together, but because I live in California I just send my dad this stuff and he does it for me and he had to figure out California taxes for me. I don't know how to do California taxes but he does
KAYLA: yeah I've done a lot of dual state taxes the past forever
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: and that's been really fun because me and my dad forget how to do it every time and then we have to relearn if the government is listening I really hope I didn't fuck up my taxes also what's fun is Dean works for the tax people Dean works for the taxes
SARAH: He does?
KAYLA: and the government yeah his company does like he does taxes
SARAH: yoplait lady from the IRS and everything everywhere all at once what's her fucking name
KAYLA: the IRS oh um Jamie Lee Curtis what do you mean she works at the IRS
SARAH: have you seen everything ever all at once no everything everywhere all at once?
KAYLA: I – no
SARAH: is about time travel and multiple universes but it's
KAYLA: taxes
SARAH: also love to do taxes with you
KAYLA: and laundry because they own a laundromat
SARAH: they're they own a laundromat and they're being audited
KAYLA: oh that is that is the premise I didn't know. I know I need to see it but as we talked about at our event this week uh we're both bad at watching things
SARAH: fly a delta plane they have it on there
KAYLA: okay I will book a plane just to watch it it has to be long enough for them to have the screens too like it can't be like you can't just like fly to New York from where you get the planes I was on to go to DC I don't think they had planes but I was asleep anyway
SARAH: you don’t think they had planes?
KAYLA: I meant screens if you can believe it
SARAH: I can believe it. What was there was one other thing I was gonna say what was it you're gonna have to do my California taxes he's learned how to do California taxes oh this was gonna be my beef this week I owe the federal government so much money in federal taxes
KAYLA: oh I was telling you where Dean worked. Keep going
SARAH: oh yeah and we'll get there and I owe them so much money and it's mostly because of my insurance my health insurance because I'm on covered California, it's Obamacare, but I I apparently miss I put some numbers in weird and so I wasn't paying enough and so now I owe money but you know you know how much I owe specifically on health care like not including the other money
KAYLA: 69 dollars
SARAH: I owe a lot more than that but you're in you're going in the right direction
KAYLA: six hundred, six hundred and ninety dollars
SARAH: no six six six
KAYLA: oh
SARAH: I owe six six six in health care
KAYLA: I love that. I have yet to owe the government money on taxes
SARAH: this is the first time
KAYLA: every year I'm afraid. My roommate owes two dollars so that's fun
SARAH: I owe like almost a thousand dollars so like who's winning well I owe almost a thousand but then California has given me like 300 back so
KAYLA: okay well that's nice of them
(25:00)
SARAH: yeah but I probably won't get it until like August yeah
KAYLA: I'm afraid every year I'm afraid that it will be the first time I owe money
SARAH: but TLDR I am mad and I'm probably gonna owe a lot of money next year as well because I enrolled in the exact same health care this year as I did last year and I don't know if I can change it now I might have to wait until next year to I don't know I'm gonna have to look into it but as we know um things like that stress me out which means by the time I look into it it might be next year anyway
KAYLA: yeah I don't know because there's like the open enrollment and you're allowed to change insurances mid-year for like if you get married or stuff like that but I wonder if you told them like I owe you more money if they would be like oh sweet come on in
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: I don't know I just don't know
SARAH: maybe next year I'll owe another fucking six six six possible just for health insurance
KAYLA: I love that thanks Obama but Dean works for the tap Dean's company they get hired by like governments to do to make software for them to do different systems and so Dean works Dean's project is the Massachusetts Department of Revenue so he makes their computer software to do their taxes
SARAH: so if you ever have a problem with the Massachusetts Department of Revenue blame step Dean it is his fault
KAYLA: what was funny is that last tax season Louisiana tried to tell me that I lied on my taxes because there was like they were like for this year you didn't claim any income tax whatever and I was like yeah because when I lived in Louisiana for like two months that year before the year became the next year I was unemployed.
SARAH: (laughing)
KAYLA: so I did not have an income tax to give you
SARAH: there was no income to tax
KAYLA: the letter came from the Louisiana Department of Revenue and like Dean used to work there and he was the one making the program to like catch the issues to like send people letters of like you owe us like you fucked up and I was like Dean you fucked up. I shouldn't and I at the time I still knew people that worked there so I was like I'm gonna call them and be like no
SARAH: you know
KAYLA: it was fine my dad called them my dad fixed it and I didn't have to give them money because I was like I didn't
SARAH: Could you call the government for me
KAYLA: he literally did, like we got on the phone with them together and then I kept forgetting to do all of the stuff because I had just moved and also I am mentally ill so he just did it he just fixed it for me we are so spoiled
SARAH: I know
KAYLA: people are listening to this right now remember the one star review we got one time that was like picture two complete narcissists talking out of their asses for an hour that's this podcast and you know what?
SARAH: correct
KAYLA: I think they're right I think they're right correct it's
SARAH: truly correct I was gonna say something what was it what was it what was it um KAYLA: probably something about yourself because look at us narcissists
SARAH: narcissist by somebody featuring rm is very good
KAYLA: okay
SARAH: that's all right is that the one that's but is also featuring the 1975 or I'm mixing it with that other song
KAYLA: don't know
SARAH:it's it's no it's not featuring rm it is featuring the 1975 I'm not sure what my brain's doing it's narcissist by no Room featuring the 1975 good song
KAYLA: Thank you. Okay. I'll think about it
SARAH: what's the song that I mix oh I'm mixing it up with crying over you by Honne featuring rm and becca I make and I'm mixing them up because I discovered them on the same day
KAYLA: oh
SARAH: and they're next to each other in my library. oh I remember what I was gonna say I love how the government and me the old united states is like we know exactly how much you owe us a taxes yep we will not tell you nope we will make you figure
it out and if you do it wrong
KAYLA: we'll kill you
SARAH: we'll kill you. it's kind of I'm bringing this back to asexuality and
KAYLA: here we go here we go
SARAH: it's kind of like being aspec where allos expect you to know exactly what to do and you fucking do not
KAYLA: and then they won't tell you
SARAH: because they're like but you know and then they won't tell you they also don't know and so you're making educated guesses but you're like and you you rely on other people to like help you figure out if you're lucky enough to have those people as we are but girl
(30:00)
KAYLA: so true and this is why aspecs don't can't owe money exactly
SARAH: being aspec is like taxes is like it's like being audited you know every day
KAYLA: okay now it's depressing now you've ruined it
SARAH: I ruined it
KAYLA: you know you ruined it by being upsetting so
SARAH: I'm sorry. I was trying to bring it back to the topic of this fucking
KAYLA: Does that mean we should move ace week to tax season? I guess aro week is like it's close to tax season it's like the begin when is when is tax season?
SARAH: April
KAYLA: When does tax season begin?
SARAH: April I don't know
KAYLA: you know but you can do your taxes but like they're due in April but you can do them SARAH: also this is a crazy thought but there are other countries but there are other countries KAYLA: famously yeah several many even that's something I've heard
SARAH: okay, That’s what I’ve heard. I've actually even been to some of them
KAYLA:. is this relevant in any way or wait –
SARAH: just that not everyone does taxes at the same time
KAYLA: everyone shut up what where is our patch of land again
SARAH: Ireland
KAYLA: I'm going to Ireland this summer
SARAH: I'm going to Ireland hopefully next year
KAYLA: I didn't know that. Why?
SARAH: my family has been meaning to go like together for a long time and so the plan is next year because this year my sister got married I'm going there for a wedding for a wedding
KAYLA: yeah I should see if I can visit our patch I'm going to where are we going Ireland and Scotland I think we've made no plans yet
SARAH: Glasgow? Edinburgh?
KAYLA: yes the wedding is near Edinburgh, Scotland. the fun thing is that we are going in August and all we have is our plane there and our plane back
SARAH: well are you flying in and out of the same place
KAYLA: no
SARAH: are you like flying into Edinburgh and flying out of Dublin?
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: well
KAYLA: nothing planned
SARAH: for our Irish and Scottish listeners tell Kayla what to do
KAYLA: nothing else planed like I'm like we'll figure that but like I we need to like get hotels and SARAH: yeah I think hotels probably like the next, the next best important thing
KAYLA: yeah but we are both ill sick in the head what a shame
SARAH: Ill
KAYLA: I was going to say we're fucked in the head so
SARAH: classic
KAYLA: hopefully we get to stay somewhere
SARAH: I love that for you
KAYLA: it'll be fine
SARAH: I hope you achieve something
KAYLA: it'll be fine, we'll sleep on the streets
SARAH: I would recommend not doing that. You know when I was in Edinburgh I stayed in a hostel that was 12 pounds a night
KAYLA: we might end up just doing hostels if it gets if it gets to that point
SARAH: hostels are fine when you're at a certain point in your life I don't think I would do it again
KAYLA: I don't know that – I think we it's possible we're past that point in our life
SARAH: yeah I don't I don't think I would do I don't think I would do that again I'm still cheap but I'm not that cheap
KAYLA: that's the thing I've learned as I get older is like I understand why people want nice things now like when I was in college I was like I could live in a shithole forever and be fine and that the older I get the more I'm like no I want like a double vanity bathroom like I want to be able to spread out in my bathroom
SARAH: well your bathroom is so small
KAYLA: you've seen my bathroom
SARAH: yeah but it's not – that is a shed not
KAYLA: no yeah
SARAH: that is bad that is like where harry lives under the stairs
KAYLA: no literally it's because the the top of our house is uh like the roofs are it's like a triangle our ceilings are triangle
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: you know what I mean you're you're upstairs is like the attic but it's like furnished a large renovated attic and so Dean and I's upstairs bathroom it's one slanted wall and then a stall shower and then you can sit on the toilet and like rest your head on the sink because it's right there
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: anyway if I had that bathroom in college though I'd be like I don't give a shit but now that I'm 25 now that I'm an adult I would I'm like I get why my mom would just wanted to like I get house hunters where people just wanted to have a bathroom they could luxuriated yeah because I honestly like to have that one day I've been spoiled in my post-college life I hear that I have so big for no reason I have always had my own bathroom post-college and I don't think I could go back
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: like I'm fine sharing with Dean like we you know I've lived with it for a long time but like I would just love a bathroom I could like sit you know how sometimes you take a really long hot everything shower and then you feel like you're gonna pass out and you just need to curl up on the bath mat
SARAH: I would suggest maybe try not to do that
KAYLA: okay but have you ever
SARAH: not to that extent
KAYLA: no okay that's – I know I'm not the only one because. I see it on the internet I know it's not just me I also know I should drink more water before I go to take a hot shower but that's not
SARAH: you can drink water in the shower it's coming out of the thing so just open your mouth KAYLA: Sarah there is too much to do in the shower okay
SARAH: you don't drink water in the shower?
KAYLA: sometimes I do, I do but there is too – do you pee in the shower?
SARAH:: I think it is economical
KAYLA: I think it's just great
SARAH: I think it is like why would you not
KAYLA: favorite things to do in the shower pee blow my nose into my hands blowing my nose in I've tweeted about blowing my nose into my hands
SARAH: Classic
KAYLA: in the shower is absolutely my favorite activity my also my new activity in my old age when I'm sick is not using tissues or like toilet paper to blow my nose because then my nose gets irritated and I hate it no do like the people in Asia and just blow your nose directly into the sink hold one nostril and just blow and then wipe it off with your hands and wash your hand like that's what people in Asia do I've been told
SARAH: yes
KAYLA: economical
SARAH: Yes, Asia a monolith
KAYLA: okay I think well I don't want to like say it's one country and then I'm wrong but I think someone told me it's like in Chinese restaurants it's very common I'm very sorry if I'm wrong but anyway then your nose doesn't get all irritated from the paper and you just blow it right into the sink and then the snot goes down the drain and it's no problem
SARAH: I have a very runny nose in general
KAYLA: You do
SARAH: I was on a hike with our friend Erin the other day and we were walking and they were like do you need a clean and I was like no this is just my nose
KAYLA: you’re a snotty child
SARAH: I was like this is a large part of the reason why I haven't actually gotten my septum pierced
KAYLA: oh interesting have you thought about I have such a runny nose have you thought about you get your septum pierced but then go with me here so you have your septum pierced and then connect it to the septum it's just a little cup on each side so there's a cup under each nostril to catch your little snot, a diva cup for your nose?
SARAH: fuck you if if it wouldn't cause future me um so much distress I would have hung up on this call just now um I would have left the zoom but that would cause future me distress and I don't want to do that to her she doesn't deserve that
KAYLA: I think she does okay cause I just gave you like a shark tank idea like I
SARAH: just take it to the sharks take it to the sharks
KAYLA: maybe I will, did you see the tweet?
KAYLA: I don't know who this man is (burps) excuse me
SARAH: four and a half
KAYLA: yeah not a good one I don't know who this man is but he did some tweet and he was like I something about imposter syndrome and he was like and then I saw this famous person who was like I've never had imposter syndrome because I know I'm great and he's like and now that I'm a shark I get that too I'm great and I've never had imposter syndrome I'm saying this all terribly, but basically he was like I would never have imposter syndrome because I'm a shark
SARAH: so true
KAYLA: huh
SARAH: so true
KAYLA: huh
SARAH: did you hear about that – they thought they discovered a certain type of shark in the Mediterranean that had never been seen in the Mediterranean before like they knew about that type of shark but it had never been there
KAYLA: I don’t know if I’ve heard this
SARAH: but then they had to like take it back and like redact the paper because they think it is a plastic toy
KAYLA: stupid
SARAH: to which I and everybody else if you listen to the golden ratio podcast you've already heard this but to which I say you wrote an entire paper based on a photo of a shark that a tourist took
KAYLA: Tough. Tough
SARAH: like that is not enough that is not enough proof
KAYLA: No
SARAH: you need to to to to rip that thing open and then someone finally figured out what toy they think it is and it's produced in Italy which checks out
KAYLA: yeah it is right there that's like the what is it like the Garfield phones or something that wash up on the one shore
SARAH: I don't know what you're talking about
KAYLA: have you heard the story? I think it's like an old Garfield like a phone you like a rotary phone
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: like you pick it up but I guess this there was like a box of these phones being shipped you know when those phones were a thing and it like fell off a cargo ship and it fell into this kind of like…
(40:00)
KAYLA: underwater cave
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: but then they started floating up and washing up on this one shore I think maybe in the UK or something and people are like where the fuck all of these identical phones keep coming from and it's because they just live in this cave and sometimes they go for a swim
SARAH: honestly I fucking love that
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: sometimes Garfield's gotta swim
KAYLA: sometimes he's gotta I feel like I had another funny news to share and now I can't remember
SARAH: I saw a dog on the internet it's a Great Dane and you know how Great Danes are like kind of spotted
KAYLA: now I have to look up a Great Dane because I was thinking of something that doesn't have spots
SARAH: well they Great Danes can just be mostly solid but they can also be
KAYLA: Great Dans I wrote Great Dans
SARAH: Great Dans
KAYLA: okay yes I know this dog yeah
SARAH: I saw one
KAYLA: I see a spotted one
SARAH: where its entire front left arm was like a sleeve it was like the entire front arm was black and then the rest of it was like normal spotted and it was a pretty pretty sick sleeve that dog had KAYLA: that's very good. I had news to share oh did I ever talk to you about my issue with March Madness
SARAH: No
KAYLA: okay listen March Madness is over now so I understand this is completely irrelevant however
SARAH: Old news. it's mid-April
KAYLA: however when March Madness was first starting me and my roommates were like making our brackets or whatever and I was like we were talking about how like either no one ever has or like only one person ever has had like a perfect bracket
SARAH: Yeah it’s very hard
KAYLA: or whatever like a verifiable
SARAH: statistically it's very difficult
KAYLA: right and I was like okay but why couldn't you just make a program on your computer to create every single possible bracket and then like you would have the perfect one and then my roommates Dean included who are like computer science people
SARAH: Yeah who know math
KAYLA: told me that it would take if like you got a bajillion computers and because there's like a time frame between you know what teams are going to be in March Madness to when you have to like get your brackets in
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: and they were like it would take literal like thousands of years like decades and that and forever for computers to do this, which I don't understand
SARAH: computers are so smart but at the same time
KAYLA: right and so I'm really upset about this
SARAH: what is Chat GPT doing sometimes getting basic arithmetic wrong
KAYLA: exactly and so what I'm – so what I was like as I was like I cannot fathom how we cannot get computers to make every bracket possible in enough time like how is that going to take billions of years how is that possible and then we also went to the moon in the 60s like
SARAH: well as as you were saying that it reminded me of that image of the woman who did all of the math to get them to the moon
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: standing in front of her the stack of calculations
KAYLA: her stack of papers yeah
SARAH: but I just thought of when you were saying that
KAYLA: I don't understand how a computer can't make every bracket but we could go to the moon in the 60s and then I and then I was like well I guess it's easier to go to the moon than make a perfect bracket and my roommates were like literally yes it is easier to go so I was like I guess I'm just gonna go to the fucking moon tomorrow and then do you want to know what fucking happened the final game of march madness happened and do you know who it was sponsored by?
SARAH: the moon
KAYLA: NASA because they're sending astronauts to the moon again yeah they are they were taunting me I was beyond I was beside myself I'm so mad right now just thinking about it
SARAH: I'm so sorry to hear that
KAYLA: because I was so mad to learn that it's easier to go to the moon than to make a perfect march madness bracket and then the moon came to taunt me
SARAH: sometimes I do think about how we got to the moon in the fucking 60s
KAYLA: and yet no one can make a perfect bracket it's listen does that not sound ridiculous to you
SARAH: well and no one's been back to the moon since the 70s
KAYLA: yeah but now we're going on the moon but now we're going I know they taunt and NASA sponsored march madness just to make me mad
SARAH: I think my cousin worked on a toilet that's going to the moon
KAYLA: I would like to speak to your cousin about the moon actually
SARAH: okay
KAYLA: because I have a lot of –
SARAH: context my cousin works at NASA, she works at NASA
KAYLA: but maybe who I need to talk to about this is someone who works for the moon to be like is it actually easier to go to the moon than make a perfect like surely someone at NASA would know
SARAH: does the moon have a secretary?
KAYLA: I don't know ask your cousin
SARAH: okay I will
KAYLA: I'm just so upset about this
SARAH: yeah that's a lot I'm also trying to remember what our friend Erin's tattoo they have a tattoo that's it's something the moon
KAYLA: the moon is gay, famously wasn't that an episode we did with Erin? the moon is gay um there's a lesbian is become a whole episode on that
SARAH: is their tattoo become the moon? hold on
(45:00)
KAYLA: I don't know but I don't want to become the moon because I'm mad at the moon me and the moon have beef. I do want to talk to your cousin about this I'm not kidding I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the moon
SARAH: maybe it's not a moon related tattoo maybe it was just their bio on social media for a long time
KAYLA: well you've texted them so only time will tell
SARAH: oh the answer yes wow immediately yes
KAYLA: what is what is it
SARAH: now I'm just staring at my phone waiting
KAYLA: me too except my computer I'm gonna get a tattoo that says it's easier to go to the moon than make a perfect march madness bracket. I can't wait to talk to NASA about this one they're not gonna know what hit them like literally you couldn't
SARAH: please take care wait what
KAYLA: no that's not what they sent me
SARAH: no that it that's absolutely what it says I'm gaslighting Kayla so hard
KAYLA: I'm looking at a picture of it
SARAH: become the moon
KAYLA: no
SARAH: become the moon become yes, yes!
KAYLA: Okay her Instagram bio we become the moon whatever I would never become the moon become the moon and please take care
SARAH: oh my god my brain is so big
KAYLA: okay their tattoo is the moon and it says please take care over it.
KAYLA: anyway I have beef with the moon I'm telling Erin I have beef that's what I'm gonna title this episode I have beef with the moon I have to get NASA on the phone
SARAH: oh okay well I don't know what to tell you. By the way when I saw it when I saw Erin over the weekend once again they were like because I've been transcribing your podcast I feel like I've been hanging out with you and I'm like well I haven't been I've been hanging out with you
KAYLA: you know what's funny is like my sister has told me that she like she listens to the podcast and that's like her way of keeping up with me and so she's like yeah like I don't feel like I need to like talk to you all the time because I already know what's going on and I'm like I that makes me wish that everyone else in my life had a podcast because I think a lot of people feel that way that know us in real life yeah and I'm like okay that's cool but like
SARAH: it doesn't go both ways
KAYLA: I want to know what you're doing
SARAH: yeah or like
KAYLA: every all of our friends should have a podcast
SARAH: or like people are like oh it's like I'm hanging out with you all the time because I listen to your podcast and I'm like I am lonely hang out with me in real life in real life it's just like everyone should have a podcast like why isn't my sister have a podcast not everyone should have a podcast
KAYLA: no that's true but my sister should have one so I can know what's going on with her life without having to talk to her, not that I don't want to talk to her
SARAH: Erin used to have a podcast
KAYLA: I know when I miss it every day I was just talking to my roommates about it the other day because I miss her because I found a weird thing on Facebook marketplace and I was like I wish Erin would talk about this
SARAH: yeah for context you can still go listen to it it's called
KAYLA: QVC QVC for the used and helpless
SARAH: we talked about it when it first came out like forever ago
KAYLA: that's very good it's very good it's honestly hilarious and I miss her
SARAH: also they might be getting a cat they found a warehouse kitten somebody
KAYLA: excellent
SARAH: around them found a warehouse kitten and they might keep it but it's only five weeks old right now
KAYLA: well they should be careful because my cousin got dumpster kittens one time and they had every disease and then they got every disease
SARAH: oh
KAYLA: so be careful
SARAH: well the kittens already been hanging out with Jacob on the couch so
KAYLA: well thoughts and prayers Jacob. Jacob is their dog
SARAH: sometimes they call him Jake
KAYLA: it's so bizarre I love animals with human names it's so funny to me
SARAH: funky little names
KAYLA: just Jake
SARAH: let's wrap this shit up
KAYLA: yeah this is over TLDR fuck the moon
SARAH: I don't think the moon consents to that
KAYLA: well yeah
SARAH: also the moon I feel like if we could have fucked the moon already we would have we KAYLA: definitely
SARAH: would like like if if we knew they had a lot of natural resources on the moon that we wanted we would have been back to the moon immediately
KAYLA: do you think it's possible that any of the astronauts like dug a little hole in the moon and whipped their dick out and fucked the moon if you came in space would it propel you backwards?
SARAH: yes
KAYLA: serious question
(50:00)
SARAH: well on the moon on the moon maybe not necessarily because there is gravity
KAYLA: if you come in space
SARAH: no don't google
KAYLA: do you get pushed backwards?
SARAH: if if you're in the vacuum of space yes absolutely
KAYLA: not if you wanted to live. If you ejaculated inside a space suit keeping you alive then it would not push you back because it would all be a closed system if you ejaculated while not wearing a space suit
SARAH: you'd be dead
KAYLA: and you would gain the same backward momentum and the ejaculate has forward momentum however you would then be dead okay but I'm just
SARAH: what if you're just taking the dick
KAYLA: out okay but I'm just
SARAH: just take the dick out
KAYLA: no that's what I'm saying just take your dick out that's all like that would be fine right your dick doesn't have to breathe
SARAH: I hate this
KAYLA: okay the answer is yes though the answer is yes
SARAH: but what about on the moon because there's gravity it's just not as strong
KAYLA: maybe just a little bit yeah
SARAH: I hate this podcast
KAYLA: I love it to you we should do this every week
SARAH: don't fuck the moon please
KAYLA: Unless it wants it
SARAH: did you see that thing did you see that thing where it was like they announced the four astronauts going to the moon and it's historic it's the first woman the first black
man and the first Canadian
KAYLA: that's so funny I hope one of them fucks the moon I hope the woman pegs the moon SARAH: me too
KAYLA: that's what I hope for
SARAH: I also hope for that. I hope the moon gets pushed backwards What’s our poll for this week I thought you were gonna say I hope the moon gets pregnant
KAYLA: well that would be cool
SARAH: with a baby moon what would that it's like oh it's like when people take a baby moon
KAYLA: yeah I mean technically if you think about it the moon is Earth's baby because they collided or whatever
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: the moon happened
SARAH I have a question for you
KAYLA: yeah I don't know
SARAH: what would happen if the moon had a baby like what would happen to the tides I think it would fuck up humanity like it would fuck up Earth life
KAYLA: probably
SARAH: the moon's important
KAYLA: yep which is wild because the moon because I hate it
SARAH: a lot of people are accidents too though so . I mean not me but
KAYLA: brag not me but some of you
SARAH: not me but some of you
KAYLA: some of you people I don't think I was no I wasn't an accident
SARAH: what's our poll for this week were you an accident
KAYLA: that's actually I want I do want to know I'm curious
SARAH: were you an accident if you had the opportunity to peg the moon would you
KAYLA: are you an accident would you peg the moon question mark I'm gonna leave this right on my desk where I work at my nine-to-five
SARAH: good, wonderful uh Kayla what's your beef and your juice this week is it even worth doing that we just spent our whole time
KAYLA: no my beef is the moon and my juice is my water bottle over done
SARAH: yeah you can put juice in that water bottle too. My beef is as I said
KAYLA: Taxes
SARAH: my taxes my juice is my bt21 mini minini they are so cute
KAYLA: yeah they are cute
SARAH: I died I died
KAYLA: and they didn't have to do taxes
SARAH:no they didn't have to do taxes they don't owe the government money in taxes they got no brains anyway you can tell us about your beef, your juice, and if your beef is just this whole episode I understand
KAYLA: but it shouldn't be this was probably the best one ever
SARAH: it was it was an episode
KAYLA: listen I think our die hard followers will find I love it to be a delight charming everyone else none of my business
SARAH: If you're gonna leave a negative review might I suggest leaving it on someone else's podcast like Ben Shapiro's
KAYLA: yes leave a negative review about our podcast
SARAH: on Ben Shapiro's podcast but don't mention our podcast by name
KAYLA: yeah because I don't want him to find it he's found ace people before and I don't want it to be us
SARAH: yeah so just like just like redact all names
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: and just comment it on Ben Shapiro's podcast
KAYLA: I think that's a really good idea yeah and then screenshot it and send it to us
SARAH: yeah, thanks
SARAH: you can tell us about your beef oh I already said that
KAYLA: you can give us money if you want for some god stupid reason
SARAH: give us money for the peg the moon fund
KAYLA: how it feels to peg the moon
SARAH: it will go towards transcribing our episodes
KAYLA: it'll go towards Bagel having to put put these words
SARAH: all of these words
KAYLA: solidly on paper
SARAH: well not on paper on pixels
KAYLA: could be on paper someone printed it out that's our next book we're just gonna print
(55:00)
SARAH: Well I don’t think Bagel prints them out
KAYLA: we're gonna print every transcript and that's the next book
SARAH: it's fucking embarrassing bro
KAYLA: yep
SARAH: I’d rather die
KAYLA: oh well okay. IIt's hot in here keep going
SARAH: why Kayla is using a sticky note pad as a fan. It is not big enough for that
KAYLA: it's what I have what do you want from me?
SARAH: soundsfakepod.com/book we wrote a book that's better than this podcast and thank you Cosmopolitan for your kind words about this shit show. If you want to support the peg the moon fund you can do so at sounds – no patreon.com/soundsfakepod um our five dollar patrons we are pointing to speak are Ashley W, Asritha Vinnakota, bookmarvel, Brandon Smith and Brooke Siegel shout out to Asritha for housing
KAYLA: she's not a patron anymore
SARAH: oh that's okay
KAYLA: but she did house me so she gets this
SARAH: I'll take her off but one last time one last time two times for the present one time for the past your your mom that's a it's a BTS lyric not the your mom part
KAYLA: I'm shocked
SARAH: anyway I just think that jungkook. Our ten dollar patrons who are promoting something this week are the steve who would like to promote Ecosia, a search engine for the trees, Zirklteo who would like to promote the fact that england isn't real which is proven by the fact that Kayla's not going to England at all notably
KAYLA: we thought about it and then we said nope not real
SARAH: Arcnes who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Alyson who would like to promote Arden Gray by Ray Stoeve and Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote tabletop games such as the new version of the game of life called peg the moon what am I doing where am I what birthday is it oh we have other ten other patrons for some reason they are David Harris, Derick and Carissa sorry sorry specifically to Derick, Elle Bitter shout out to Elle bitter you rock, my Aunt Jeannie not yours I mean maybe I guess she could be yours if you're my sister or one of my cousins who is not her child, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Mattie, potater, Purple Hayes, Barefoot Backpacker, Ruby, SongOfStorm. Our 15 dollar patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote the Invisible spectrum podcast, Changeling and Alex the ace cat who would like to promote starshipchangeling.net, click4caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell would like promote twitch.tv/melodydia, Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, John Young who would like to promote whoop, Keziah Root who would like to promote the people who come into your life for a short time but right when you need them, Maff who would like to promote catching up on the podcast – Maff is also Irish
KAYLA: I'll be there. I’ll be in your house
SARAH: Oh. Nathaniel J White who would like to promote nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, and Sara Jones who’s @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Christina Hauck, merry christmas and Dragonfly who would like to promote Kayla being in your house. Thanks for listening tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears that’s hopefully better than this.
KAYLA: (mumbling) And until then, take good care of your cows. Nailed it.
(58:27)