Hey what's up hello! Would you even believe that we're back with an r/AmITheAsshole episode??? Sarah's been saving up the best AITA the internet has the offer and it made for the most shocking installment of the series yet.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/am-i-the-asshole-pt-5
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! Would you even believe that we're back with an r/AmITheAsshole episode??? Sarah's been saving up the best AITA the internet has the offer and it made for the most shocking installment of the series yet.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/am-i-the-asshole-pt-5
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey what's up hello welcome to Sounds Fake but Okay a podcast where an aro ace girl, I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to it love relationships sexuality and pretty much anything else. We just don't understand
KAYLA: on today's episode am I the asshole?
SARAH: are you?
KAYLA: Who’s to say?
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake but okay
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod. I wanted to say I wanted to do a like, because last week we said this whole shark thing so I was like
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: I was like welcome back to the ass pod. Welcome back to the pod hole and I was like
KAYLA: Welcome back to the – mm
SARAH: Neither of these are right.
KAYLA: That's no good
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: just regular this week. Yeah no sharks this time.
(awkward silence)
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: See the thing is when we do that I cut out almost all of the silence and so the people listening don't get the awkward silence because I save them from it.
KAYLA: And they’re like why are they laughing?
SARAH: but sometimes me and Kayla just like sit here and look at each other.
KAYLA: I think you have to take a beat you know yeah smell your fidget toy. Take a deep breath. SARAH: I don't need you to call me out like this.
KAYLA: They know
SARAH: oh my god I read a script recently that would like the main character had ADHD and like it was like uh it was impacting his life and that script read me for film.
KAYLA: (laughing) Oh no.
SARAH: And like it wasn't like oh no I have 80 I was like this person who wrote this has ADHD like
KAYLA: Oh, yeah
SARAH: like they know
KAYLA: they know.
SARAH: Anyway do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: I still have ADHD
KAYLA: not – yeah, not that we're willing to share yet I don't think.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: Well we're getting closer
SARAH: closer and closer to death every day.
KAYLA: it’s coming. Oh okay
SARAH: it's true uh what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week we're back.
SARAH: Once again.
KAYLA: If you can even believe it to find the assholes on the internet. Now today
SARAH: I actually already found all of them and
KAYLA: but good I haven't looked at all. And today but and by today I mean max three hours four hours ago perhaps
SARAH: it was not that long ago.
KAYLA: Okay two when we were deciding on this topic so I was like well I have some good and my the asshole saved and I went to text back like oh we just we're so silly last week we have to be serious and then what I thought to myself is I actually don't give a fuck anymore.
SARAH: This is our podcast we can do whatever we want.
KAYLA: That's what I was telling someone you can get off. You know
SARAH: You can fuck off
KAYLA: maybe it was my therapist who knows but I was like I'm really trying to like reclaim the joy in the podcast you know like I feel like it got stressful for a bit what we were finishing up the book there was a lot going on at once and I was like this isn't as fun anymore but now I feel like we're back to just being silly goofy.
SARAH: We're loosey Goosey
KAYLA: and who cares?
SARAH: who among us is not a little bit of a silly goose?
KAYLA: Who among us is not a snowman floating around?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: just in the world
SARAH: yeah yeah so I have been collecting just like like sometimes you see them like posted on like Instagram or Twitter
KAYLA: yeah and those are the especially juicy ones too like go viral on the Twitter machine
SARAH: right. That's what I've been I've been saving a good ones that I've come across so we have some hopefully good ones some of them were from a while ago so like I kind of forgot what they were so. This first one actually is a spec related.
KAYLA:Tea
SARAH: okay it is long and I'm going to try to condense. We’ll see. Am I the asshole for walking out of my birthday party?
KAYLA: Hmm gut reaction, no. It's your birthday party.
SARAH: So this person 32F some of her old buddies from high school messaged and said they wanted to get together for a birthday. At first she’s hesitant because I don't go out and I hate parties especially for myself and like we're in our 30s now so I'm eh, but then this person's friend Sherry 31F was the one to message me first and then was invited to a group chat where all of my old buddies joined in and everyone agreed it'd be good they'll get together and forever get reacquainted. I agreed because it would be good to see old friends. Sadly my best friend wasn't able to join because of medical reasons.
(05:00)
SARAH: So OP goes to Sherry's house everything seemed okay it's just like a potluck with minimal drinking this person says that they don't like alcohol very aspec of you.
KAYLA: True, statistically I think
SARAH: It's just like I think but Sherry's family seems to be invited and it didn't it didn't bother OP initially because like helped myself and I caught up with everyone.
KAYLA:wait so Sherry's the one hosting?
SARAH: yes Sherry is the friend that is hosting. The birthday person I'm just gonna refer to them as OP. Sorry because because I'm condensing and it's in for a person sometimes I'm saying I
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: and sometimes it's okay um as the party went on OP started to get uncomfortable as more people showed up and with alcohol that Sherry told them told – okay when I say me I'm saying I'm OP.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: but Sherry told me they were just going to hang in the basement and her family and but at them over OP decides that they're gonna leave a little bit earlier and they told Sherry. They were like I had been there for a while and I needed to head back to the kids because she this person has two foster kids who their sister was babysitting during this party. Sherry flipped out and said we hadn't done presents yet and I admit I love presents so I got excited.
KAYLA: (laughing) Mood
SARAH: First everyone started handing me packages and some uh were like genuinely thoughtful and I appreciated it but then Sherry handed me a box thought nothing of it opened it immediately slammed it shut after looking in.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Tried to discreetly move the box away but then Sherry like grabbed it from OP's hands dumped out the contents it was filled with condoms and sex toys.
KAYLA: See my first thought was like some of those like silly joke underwear that people do for like so yeah
SARAH: yeah so the thing about OP is that it's at 32F so I'm just gonna use she/her pronouns for this person
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: the thing about OP is that I'm asexual and I don't feel sexual attraction to anyone. I had to go to therapy to learn this about myself and accept it as normal. I tried dating and even kissed a guy once but I didn't feel anything. I let everyone know at the end of high school and they seemed accepting. They've been trying to set me with boys and then with girls but that didn't work out. I've been single my whole life and haven't been intimate and I'm happy. I just need my family and my friends and it took me a while to accept this but I'm happy now.
KAYLA: That's also very impressive so if they're 32
SARAH: And they came out at the end of the high school
KAYLA: and they had a therapist help them do that.
SARAH: That’s wild
KAYLA: That’s wild. that's a great, progressive therapist to what maybe like 25 years ago, 20
SARAH: that's not how math works.
KAYLA: No... I'm not a scientist. Anyway.
SARAH: 14. 14. 14.
KAYLA: It's impressive.
SARAH: Well also it could have been that like they came out as ace but like they still kind of like thought it was… didn't feel good about it.
KAYLA: It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
SARAH: Okay but Sherry thought it wasn't normal and convinced everyone that this was an intervention with
KAYLA: (gasps) the party?
SARAH: all the people who had showed up and went to the basement where people willing to date me
KAYLA: (gasps)
SARAH: and they didn't mind that I was a butch woman. So OP panics and is pissed.
KAYLA: Yeah yeah!
SARA: I stood up not saying a word no one seemed to notice everyone seemed too excited to start introducing me to the “contestants,” their words not mine and I just walked out.
KAYLA: That's so… my god
SARAH: OP went home. Called my sister and asked the little ones can stay overnight. Was pissed when I got home and didn't want the kids to be in a bad atmosphere. Then rolled a joint and chilled in my backyard with my dog. My phone is blowing up from the party but I just didn't want to deal. Didn't want to say anything in the heated moment. This was a few days ago. I still haven't messaged anyone from the party. I blocked them. Haven't told my family because they might agree with them and I'm worried, and I haven't told my best friend because her medical issues got worse and I don't want to worry her. So then they gave an update that that was the end of like the first post. It was just like a rant.
KAYLA: Okay. Yeah.
SARAH: Second post. So the past few days, I've been keeping to myself. She was just ignoring her phone essentially. Then suddenly my best friend burst into my home and scared the crap out of me.
KAYLA: (laughing) Love that
SARAH: Apparently she heard what happened and it's been trying to call me but obviously I haven't been answering. She convinced that doctors to give her a day pass so she can leave the day to check up on me and that made me feel even more guilt.
KAYLA: Oh, that’s so sweet though.
SARAH: Yeah. It says my best friend sadly didn't win the genetic lottery and has had a number of health problems since she was 12. So her being in the hospital isn't new and the doctors and nurses trust when she feels healthy enough to leave. So OP explains what happens and then OP asks her best friend how she found out.
(10:00)
SARAH: Sherry had messaged best friend and started ranting about how my best friend, okay so best friend is named Tia.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: how my best friend Tia 32F stole her her being Sherry's best friend and that it was her fault that I don't hang out with her anymore.
KAYLA: These are 32 year old women?
SARAH: Sherry's 31
KAYLA: but they’re friends from high school? So like you had a decade to work this out
SARAH: to also also. But I never actually hung out with her alone when we were in high school and I only really talked to her at school so I don't know why she thinks I'm her best friend of all people.
KAYLA: So. Not not best friends.
SARAH: We decided we didn't want to deal with this brand of crazy and blocked her everywhere. I also took some advice and finally messaged the group and explained that I no longer wanted to be associated with people who thought they can change me to suit their own narrative and how hurt I was. Then I promptly left the group. Tia stayed. They invited another friend who was not there, at who wasn't at the party. Apparently some of the people in the group had messaged them like Tia and the other friend who came over. And only three of the people in the group came and explained that Sherry told them that I was interested in finally dating and the reason why I didn't date was because I was traumatized from my father walking out when I was a kid.
KAYLA: What the fuck
SARAH: They thought they would go to the party for emotional support and didn't think the rest of the events would happen. They even brought the thoughtful gifts I was given that I left behind at the party. I forgave them because I was closer to them and I didn't think they were lying. But others from the party agreed with Sherry and thought I was rude for walking out and didn't agree that I was asexual. How could you not agree that someone else is asexual?
KAYLA: I just don't think so actually.
SARAH: So they'll remain blocked. They still have like their good friends who are sticking with them. Siblings are all supportive. Her mom is a product of her time and just doesn't understand, but OP still feels like they're in a supportive community. They just blocked half of their friends from high school.
KAYLA: That? Okay, so clearly not the asshole.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Okay, I'm glad to hear about the other friends because there's also wondering because obviously the best friend Tia was invited but then wasn't able to go.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So I was like, what was Tia told? Like clearly Tia didn't know the real plan or she would have been like, what the fuck?
SARAH: Yeah, it seems like several of the other friends who were there also didn't know the real plan.
KAYLA: Right. So it's like Sherry didn't tell the actual good friends. It's
SARAH: yeah, probably because she knew that she couldn't trust them to not bring that back to OP.
KAYLA: Right. It's just so wild to me that like was Sherry the original one that like said like we should do this birthday get together?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: that is absolutely bananas like I don't like… this is a person that it doesn't seem like they've been closely connected since high school because they were like oh it's a great chance for us to like all get together. So you've just been like following a life following along with OP's life probably through like social media or whatever and you’re like you know what I'm gonna like
SARAH: I've been I've been stewing over this for 14 years since you came out
KAYLA: Fourteen years?! Like that I like don't even…
SARAH: I just clicked on a link that I had saved and it said this post has been deleted. I'll never know what it is.
KAYLA: Hate that. Well I'm glad OP has like some actually very supportive like friends and family and everything and that they're not just like alone in dealing with that because that's really fucked up
SARAH: yeah. Are you ready?
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Am I the asshole for acting like I didn't know my son was Asian?
KAYLA: Gut reaction – well okay gut reaction yes, but I feel like there's definitely a lot of nuance coming.
SARAH: Yeah so I 22F have a one year old son called Rue
KAYLA: For some reason when you read the title I was like this is a man.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: I don't know why that was like my gut reaction. I was like this stupid ass dad would.
SARAH: Gotta be a man
KAYLA: Anyway, continue.
SARAH: have a one year old son called Rue with my boyfriend Sean 23. I'm North African and Sean is Asian.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Our son happens to look like a carbon copy of him. We joke that my jeans weren't used at all in the creation of this baby LOL.
KAYLA: Lol okay
SARAH: So I'm aware that he doesn't look like he's mad. Whoa. Okay. I was at the grocery store picking up a few things when this woman came up and started to conversation with me. She was asking about Rue how old he was, his name things like that.
KAYLA: Don’t do that, first of all
(15:00)
SARAH: Then she asked how long I'd been nannying for his parents.
KAYLA: No!
SARAH: I assume she thought that initially because I'm kind of young and I know most people don't have kids as early I did. So I told her that actually I was his mother. She sort of frowns looks between my baby and me before saying but he's Asian?
KAYLA: No. Where do people…? Ugh.
SARAH: She said the word Asian in a really weird tone. Like she didn't like saying it.
KAYLA: Great yeah
SARAH: The mature thing probably would have been to tell her that he's Asian because his dad is Asian and biracial people do in fact exist but instead I just gasped dramatically and went, oh my god are you serious?
KAYLA: (laughing) No that was correct.
SARAH: (laughing) I picked Rue. I picked Rue up and held him at eye level while asking how he was able to pull the long con on me and hide his true identity for so long. He giggled which made me laugh and the lady looked bright red and very annoyed because people were looking at us. She told me that she was just surprised because he didn't look anything like me and I replied that I was surprised too obviously because today is the first day I ever took in any of his ethnic features. She said that I could have just answered the question she was obviously asking instead of making a public scene. She walked off still looking pissed but I just finished getting what we needed and left. I was talking to my mom about it because she called when I got back to the house and she also thinks I should have just informed the woman that my son's father is Asian instead of acting like a fool in the middle of the produce aisle. It was a bit of a jerk move to do it the way I did but I mean if I tell you the kid is mine and you think the kid doesn't look like me, wouldn’t the next best conclusion would be that they look like their other parent? Also they could be fucking adopted.
KAYLA: I see… no. Not the asshole. I think this is perfect because as someone who has been trapped by like weird nosy people in the grocery store and has just like nervously ran away, I wish I could do that.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Like that I wish because and it’s annoying because in my everyday life I'm way too confrontational and then it comes to strangers and I'm scared and it's like it shouldn't be I should be more okay with being rude to the rude stranger
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: anyway.
SARAH: Well like even if you okay look even if you're like oh that's maybe an asshole move first of all this person fucking asked her how long she'd been nannying for this kid. Didn't believe her when she said that it was her kid? Like no absolutely not. If this, if the person had just been like oh I didn't realize that was your child because he looks Asian to me and she had been like oh my god he like that would have been a little excessive but because of the the prelude to all of this it was totally warranted.
KAYLA: No for like that lady was rude to her first, like she doesn't owe that lady being nice to her when she's like your kid is Asian? Like that's… you don't deserve to be like no
SARAH: yeah this one is not actually an am I the asshole it's a story
KAYLA: okay
SARAH: (laughing) I just saw the title again and I forgot
KAYLA: I can't wait
SARAH: alright I'm this is another long one that I'm going to try to condensed but I will I will say the title as if it weren't am I the asshole because it's the same vibe
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: am I the asshole for ignoring a lump on my balls for 23 years and ejacu-tootinginto my wife's eye almost ruining her lasik surgery
KAYLA: yes that is the most man shit I've ever heard in my entire life
SARAH: this person is quite the storyteller because they start off by saying every once in a while something happens that’s so preposterous so outside the realm of possibility that you know no one will ever believe you. That's happened to me three times once I saw a squirrel disappear in the thin air, once I saw a disembodied hand crossed the road in the dead of night, and once I ejacu-farted into my wife's eye
KAYLA: I hate that word so much
SARAH: um okay we're jumping back in time. Picture this it's 23 years ago OP is 14
KAYLA: whoa wait okay I know that's the start of the lump because like how did I was like the time like does it okay sorry
SARAH: I was 14 and I just learned about doing self checks of my testicles for lumps. Lo and behold I found one I was pretty worried told my parents and eventually went to a urologist. He examined the lump and told me it was a varicose vein
(20:00)
SARAH: and the doctor didn't do much to verify this other than squeezing the lump a few times but he told me not to worry about it and said that at worst there was like a 3% chance I couldn't have kids, so I went about my life not worrying about it about six months ago my wife was going ham on ham giving me an old fashioned if you will
KAYLA: (laughing) Stop! I won’t, if I won’t
SARAH: we've been together for wow, 19 years so so farting in front of each other during sex wasn't a big deal at best it was funny and at worst nothing to really react to there I was enjoying myself but not anywhere near climaxing when I farted and when I say farted I mean ejacu-farted by which I mean the fart caused me to ejaculate hard into an orgasm
KAYLA: that is fascinating, first of all
SARAH: for my wife was caught off guard and my come hit her in the eye she had had lasik about three months beforehand and while she was well past the healing stage she was adamant about not rubbing her eyes anymore for the rest of her life something about attached retinas? Anyway back to the ejacufarting, so I figured this was a one-off incident but the next time I had to fart during a private personal session I forced the fart out and the same thing happened
KAYLA: Stop forcing your farts!
SARAH: and then I tried a bit later I assumed this was not normal
KAYLA: oh kay
SARAH: so 23 years after that first visit I found myself back a urologist’s. He uses a bunch of like science words
KAYLA: sure
SARAH: it's not cancer more of a one and a million medical oddity. Why it would cause this ejacu-farting phenomenon only now is a mystery, unless I had literally never farted while having a boner before that moment in my entire life anyway my wife’s eye is okay and so my I guess I don't seem to be in any immediate danger anyway according to my doctors oh and I can have kids I just hope that none of them were conceived by an ejacu-fart I've definitely farted while inside of her before
KAYLA: wait
SARAH: Also, I had to go with ejacu-tooting in the title because fart was prohibited
KAYLA: what do you mean okay I get like yeah farting is like normal whatever but the fact that you're farting so often during sex?
SARAH: most of the comments were about that
KAYLA: like it's a little bit shock, like are you just like that gassy of a person, like that's pretty shocking to me
SARAH: okay sorry there is an update
KAYLA: Good
SARAH: well hello everyone oh this is somewhat recent I didn't see this before maybe I did I don't know well hello everyone it's me again user slash the ejacu-farter
KAYLA: Uh huh
SARAH: now I know what you're thinking if you're familiar with my first post and then there's an asterisk and then the bottom it says in case you're not familiar I have a condition where I ejaculate if I fart while having an erection. They said for those familiar with my first post why the fuck would this dumb motherfucker start cialis? I hear you and I get it but like we explain it's it's like
KAYLA: what's cialis?
SARAH: um yeah it's like the thing
KAYLA: Viagra?
SARAH: Yeah it’s like viagra
KAYLA: yeah that sounds fucking stupid
SARAH: two things happened near each other in time. One, I scheduled surgery on the mass been my ass and balls and two problems with the quality of my erections my wife god blesser still loves me and as long as I'm not farting near her face while she's going ham on ham, she’s happy to have sex with me
KAYLA: okay wait but is that a new preference because it seems like
SARAH: three
KAYLA: well no but I guess because of the eye thing okay continue, it is new
SARAH: so having a good boner is important I talked to my primary care physician about it and he suggested Cialis. Now he's aware of my testicular tooting but assured me that Cialis doesn’t cause you to have boners all of the time it just helps when you’re otherwise already aroused so I decided to give it a try, figuring that my surgery was soon anyway and guess what motherfucker? That shit made me have boners all the time. God forbid I had to take a shit I’d have given myself a pearl necklace. That first day I had a ticking time bomb in my pants waiting for the tiniest bit of air to escape my anus. I called my doctor and he said to give it a few days to start acting normally so I did
(25:00)
SARAH: but it was impossible to function like a normal farting human. I wear suits every day. I don't have that much money for dry cleaning god dammit. So it's cock rings for me at least until I get my surgery TLDR got Cialis and I jizzed in my pants
KAYLA: (laughing) I still have questions about the amount this man is farting
SARAH: no but I say during sex yes I do have questions about that but if for some reasons he always makes him have a boner all the time
KAYLA: yeah I guess. I guess I feel like why didn’t he wait to take Cialis until after his surgery?
SARAH: yes if and also soon anyway and also if after that first day why didn't he just stop I think maybe maybe this is just me being really ace where I'm like it having a good boner until your surgery is not that important I don't know maybe it was to him
KAYLA: I don’t know everything I've heard about like Cialis and Viagra stuff it seems to matter a lot to aging men that they can do a boner still
SARAH: it's a – that's a weird masculinity
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: Honestly, maybe we can do a whole episode
KAYLA: probably I'm not
SARAH: Why do care so much if they can still have a boner when they're old?
KAYLA: I think yeah I think it's a very masculinity I mean I think it's similar to like when their hair starts receding you know?
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: because I don't even know that it's necessarily about the boner so much as like it's a clear sign of aging
SARAH: well and also being a man is supposed to be being about sex
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: quote unquote is supposed to be. The top comment is well all the posts I read on this sub this is definitely one of them
KAYLA: Uh huh
SARAH: so there's that
KAYLA: I understand sometimes you just have to fart I get that but it seems like if you're having sex you should like push a fart out if it's like not ready yet any you know
SARAH: yeah I don't know well we started doing it to experiment
KAYLA: well why
SARAH: but also it's crazy that he was like I had definitely farted while having sex with my wife before and like he and his doctor both have no idea why it just started now and now happens every
Time
KAYLA: it's very bizarre did he like hit his penis on something?
SARAH: I don't know it like
KAYLA: It bonked the lump and it just
SARAH: oh my god alright
KAYLA: that's very wild
SARAH: I have another one my sister 30 F got married yesterday I 32M was so happy for her and agreed to help her out she told me that the wedding was child free which I understand so I asked my best friend if there was anyway he could watch my son and he agreed I arrived at the wedding and found out that it was not child free there were probably 15 children there. I was confused but I didn't want to make a scene so I waited until my sister came over to me and I asked her what the deal was. What she told me broke my heart and I don't know how I can look at her the same way again
KAYLA: oh no
SARAH: she confessed that my son 12 M was excluded because he had an amputated leg. She said that it would draw attention to him at the wedding
KAYLA: that's her nephew!
SARAH: I almost lost it. I could understand if he was going to be disruptive or something but because of that? I didn't trust myself in that moment so I just walked out and went home
KAYLA: Yeah!
SARAH: when I got home my son asked me why I was back so early so I made us some excuse and then spent the rest of the day having fun with him because because it was the only thing keeping me same since then I've been getting dozens of messages from people saying how me leaving caused my sister to start crying and the whole wedding was ruined but I honestly don't care right now. I'm a mess. I'm a single dad so I don't have someone to help me right now but the messages are actually making me wonder am I the asshole? no absolutely fucking not holy shit
KAYLA: that is bananas
SARAH: also did she think that he was not going to find out? did she think that he was going to roll up and be like oh a bunch of other kids are here let me not ask for the questions?
KAYLA: also wild to me that she just like told the truth
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: like a truth so terrible she was like didn't even think to lie that is it's also like it's a it's a child amputee like
SARAH: yeah or maybe they didn't even have well yes I said it was amputated
KAYLA: yeah but I guess maybe that's just an easier
(30:00)
SARAH: they didn't they don't have a whole leg
KAYLA: which is like more tragic than an adult being an amputee like everyone knows a sick child is more tragic and deserves more sympathy than a sick adult
SARAH: even if they were born that way and it hasn't really impacted their health much like that impacts the way that other kids treat you
KAYLA: right and like I cannot imagine how heartbreaking that is for a dad, a single dad who probably already has anxieties about like his kid growing up different and if like his kid's gonna get bullied or like whatever and then be confronted by that by your own sister is just…
SARAH: yep alright we're flying because I want to get through all of these. okay
KAYLA: these are so much wilder than normal
SARAH: yeah because I was saving the good ones
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: okay my 28M boyfriend 30 is having some kind of meltdown after finding out my friends
KAYLA: how old is the boyfriend?
SARAH: 30
KAYLA: okay oh boy
SARAH: it's is having a meltdown after finding out my friend 36 F finding out the the friend's age
KAYLA: so the girl the girl is 28 boy from this 30 the friend is 36?
SARAH: yes
KAYLA: great
SARAH: I've been dating my boyfriend Mike fake name, not doxx him for about four months and everything has been great up until now. This post is gonna make Mike sound kind of crazy but up till now he's been the nicest most laid-back guy I've ever dated. About a week ago I was on a zoom call with two of my friends who we will call Annie and Sarah Sarah is 27 – not true I'm 25 – Annie is 36 I was talking to Annie and Sarah and Mike leaned over my shoulders to say hello. Because of the pandemic he hasn't met either in person yet and it was his first time actually meeting Annie at all. I wanted him to get to know my friends, so I invited him to next me and stick around. Sarah was talking about her dating woes – can't relate – and how the pandemic has made it harder to date than ever. Mike made this weird joke about how Sarah needs to find a guy quick because at 30 she's gonna hit the wall and no man will want her anymore. He said it
KAYLA: whoa
SARAH: he said it in this joking voice but both Annie and Sarah looked weirded out I was too to be honest Mike's never anything like that before. I guess Mike picked up on the awkwardness because he started trying to explain himself and started saying all this stuff about how women aged like milk and it's not the same for guys and men tend to date younger because after 30 they hold all the cards and can pick and choose
KAYLA: sorry that was him trying to fix it?
SARAH: correct
KAYLA: oh
SARAH: Annie said I haven't landed in trouble meeting men and Mike said just wait until you hit 30 and lose your looks, it's all downhill from there Annie just kind of laughed and I had to tell Mike that she's 36, and obviously hasn't lost her looks if he's mistaking her for a 20 something. I said it kind of jokingly, but Mike just went silent and then walked off into my bedroom and slammed the door. That night and ever since he's been very moody and short with me and keeps making passive aggressive comments about how I'm always against him and never have his back. We've never even had an argument before so I don't know where that's coming from. I've tried to bring up the Annie thing several times and he either clammed up and refused to talk about it or turns his back to me – oh sorry and refuses to talk about it or turns it back into me, Annie, and Sarah ganging up on him and bullying him which I don't think any of us did the rest of the time he's just very short with me and keeps picking fights over tiny stupid things like my tone of voice being wrong. What do I do here? I really want to talk about what happened and his view then women and men in aging because that's kind of concerning I don't understand why my sweet cool boyfriend has suddenly transformed into this weirdo because he got politely corrected once. How should I solve this? There is an update
KAYLA: by breaking up with him. It better be that she broke up with him
SARAH: I saw the update first so I was spoiled in advance first of all I want to say thank you I didn't expect my post it's such a big reaction but seeing everyone basically unanimously tell me Mike was bad news was the wake up call I needed
KAYLA: I certainly hope so
SARAH: as a matter of fact it was actually Sarah who told me to make the post she didn't like Mike at all after that zoom call, and I've been kind of pushing back when she suggested I end the relationship she didn't sound surprised at all when I told her the reddit told her reddit unanimously said he was bad news. I think she's probably thinking I told you so. I also called my dad after the reddit post and something he said basically cemented my decision to end it with Mike. He and my mom are the same age and have been happily married for 30 years. He said if you stay with this man then on your 30th birthday you're going to be worrying that he'll never find you beautiful again instead of celebrating the milestone. Don't waste your time with someone like that. Every time your mom has her birthday I feel happy that she's choosing to spend another year growing older with me and basically that's what I want and obviously I wasn't going to have that with Mike. Long story short I did break up with Mike.
(35:00)
SARAH: I texted him asking to meet up and talk and when he asked what about I told him we needed to discuss zoom call and how he'd been acting this week. I got more of the same stuff about how I'm a bully and ganging up on him and he was about me. Even though I wanted to do the break up in person I realized he was going to keep trying to turn it around into being my fault so I just told him over text I didn't want to see him anymore. He sent back “whatever grow up” and hasn't contacted me since, so that's it
KAYLA: I'm just so shocked that like… why did she need a wake up call from reddit, like why was she didn't she…
SARAH: she did say that she had never had any sort of interaction with him like this before
KAYLA: yeah that's true if it does come out of the blue that is very like shocking
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: well it's also I don't know maybe this is just like the aspec in me but like if you've only been dating somewhere for four months?
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: and maybe you know maybe it was like a really good four months and like you know relationships move at different places but the fact that it was like so serious to her that she like called her dad I don't know maybe she's really close to her dad but it just seems odd for a four month relationship you know?
SARAH: Yeah. Alright
KAYLA: anyway, what a fucking asshole
SARAH: next I 23F held my brother 13M while we were watching a movie and my dad is being weird about it. When I lived at home fridays were always movie nights. Since moving out into my own apartment and COVID that is obviously become more sporadic. I don't think my youngest sibling 13M was very keen on me moving out and I think she – I think he's been having a tough time being the only one at home. My older brother, my other brother 19M is away at school. So I went to the house last night to watch a movie with my parents and brother. The four of us in the basement maybe 20 minutes into the movie my brother put his head on my shoulder and I put my arm around him. He didn't make it through the entire movie and dozed off with his head on my shoulder. My dad 50M kept looking over us. When the movie was over I woke him up, and we went upstairs to his room, him being the brother, he asked if I was coming home soon. I sat on the bed told him that I missed him but that I was not coming home and that I couldn't wait to have him over at some point so you can watch for the rings when I went downstairs my dad and mom were talking. My dad asked me to come into the kitchen and said we are trying to get [brother's name] to toughen up you keep coddling him and that's not going to happen. Surprisingly my mom didn't say anything
KAYAL: Bruh
SARAH: I told my dad he's just a boy it's okay for him to feel sad and it doesn't mean he needs to toughen up am I coddling him? No!
KAYLA: That's… wild. I will say this is better than what I initially thought I initially thought
SARAH: Me too
KAYLA: I initially thought that he was like stop doing incest and I was like why is he thinking that?
SARAH: yeah I initially thought that he it was like a weird sexual thing like he thought that
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: which I guess this was a little better
KAYLA: so like I'm glad it's not that but also like that's just so upset like this poor kid like
SARAH: this this kid is sad that his sister has moved out and his brother is not home and like
KAYLA: which is hard like I don't know what your experience was like but as the youngest sibling being the only kid left at home when your like siblings go off to college is not fun like you get way too much extra attention and energy, like it's not a good vibe all the time
SARAH: yeah especially if you're close with your siblings which it seems like they were
KAYLA: yeah like this oh that's so sad come on. Men are terrible
SARAH: alright I got two more let's go. Am I the asshole for threatening to financially cut off my son over baby name?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: I had my son fairly young and I recently had a change of life baby when I was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time, told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant I wasn't very happy but I've been supportive and I've given them a lot of financial assistance. I had my daughter two months ago and named her Clara maybe Clara we're gonna say Clara because I'm American
KAYLA: sure
SARAH: my son's girlfriend went ballistic. She said they were going to name their daughter Clara and that I should have consulted with them. I got pregnant first but whatever. I told her she needs to grow up and she doesn't own the name. My son asked me if I would consider changing Clara's name. I said no and he stormed out of the house. Also Clara's not like a common name?
KAYLA: yeah how did they both like… is it like a family name?
SARAH: OP gives no indication that it's a family name. Well it so you'll see you'll kind of see where this is going.
KAYLA: okay (clears throat)
SARAH: well they told me the other day that they're going to name their daughter Paxtyn spelled
KAYLA: oh no
SARAH: wait so you get, see that name itself
KAYLA: oh no is it spelled like Pakistan?
SARAH: no it's not that bad it is okay P A X T Y N
KAYLA: okay great
SARAH: I guess I made a face and she started yelling at me
(40:00)
SARAH: that it is my fault because I still be only name she likes. I even asked her if she likes the name Paxtyn and she said she's going to like it when I have to tell my friends I have a granddaughter named Paxtyn. So she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter
KAYLA: Well I don’t know if I would go that far but okay
SARAH: my son well my son said I have two months to fix this aka change Clara's name and I told them that they're both idiots and I feel bad for those future child I also said if they name their daughter Paxtyn just to be spiteful I will not give them any further assistance. My son called me up and said I was being controlling but when I asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up at it they had never mentioned the name Clara to her ever. Second edit alright I took some of your advice and texted her that I've been thinking about it and I kind of like the name Paxton and she wrote back “fuck you you evil bitch” so I guess that's the end of their money
KAYLA: whoa
SARAH: so she… it seems like her son's baby mama because she's quote unquote stole the name that they wanted even though they had never mentioned that name before is going to spite-name their baby something that none of them like. Just to embarrass
KAYLA: I cannot believe that they were like trying to demand she changed a born child's name
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: like I know several people in my life who their names were changed as young children
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: and like it's not an easy process
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: like it's kind of weird to go to a judge and be like I know I just had this thing but I have to rename it
SARAH: why, why were they changed?
KAYLA: one of them was changed because I think they went with like a family name or something at first and then it was just like it was like we didn't actually want to do that it was just like a moment thing and they were like we’re going to name her whatever they wanted to
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: the other one they like weren't really they like didn't have a name in mines but they like had to put a name on the birth certificate they were running out of time so they put one
SARAH: my sister didn't have a name for three days and then of course they fucking ended up with Emily
KAYLA: see I don't know for some reason she like had to do it maybe she like was like only like wanted to leave the hospital or whatever
SARAH: I don't know
KAYLA: but then they changed her name when – she like kid was like not that young when they changed her name but then it was changed to a family name
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: anyway
SARAH: interesting. yeah my sister didn't have a name for three days they just called her baby
KAYLA: oh good and then landing on Emily yeah that's
SARAH: yeah wild
KAYLA: especially that's so wild to me like your college kids having a baby like you obviously probably need as much support as you can get and then you're just gonna like cut off a whole side of your family
SARAH: and like the fact that like it would be one thing if she wasn't offering them financial assistance and… but it seems like because she is offering them financial assistance this is her son's baby mama is being so presumptive
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: about like well you're just gonna give me this money. Just because and it's like like I'm sure it's not an easy decision for her to be like actually I'm not gonna financially support my son and my future grandchild like I don't think that’s – doesn't seem to be something she's taken lightly
KAYLA: it just it feels like this must be so much deeper than this name
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: like I feel like there has to be some other like contempt going on like some like the baby mama like hates the mom for some reason or there's like some sort of resent there because it makes no sense to blow up your situation like that so bad
SARAH: yeah also
KAYLA: for a name
SARAH: Kayla knows this. This fucking happened when my grandma was born
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: my grandma's from a very very very small town like graduating class of 11 small, and there was another when her parents were pregnant with her there was another couple who was also pregnant and they they gave birth, well just the mother did
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: but they gave birth two weeks before my great grandparents did, and they named their child Ruth.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: My great grandparents had wanted to name my grandma Ruth, but they lived in such a small town
KAYLA: it would have been weird
SARAH: it would have been weird because again, they had a graduating class of 11
(45:00)
KAYLA: It would be weird to have two Ruths walking around
SARAH: and so my great grandparents had to pick a different name for my grandma and they made Ruth her middle name. Now fun little story
KAYLA: Like a normal person!
SARAH: yeah! Fun little story to this day my grandma and Ruth are like besties
KAYLA: you mentioned your grandma seeing Ruth the other day and I was like that name stealing bitch
SARAH: That name stealing bitch. But like that's like a normal reaction like it's too bad it is but like
KAYLA: also like if you like the name that much then just name them the same name
SARAH: yeah there was a comment there was just like am I dumb because I don't see the reason why they don't just both name them Clara?
KAYLA: like it would be a little awkward but like I mean I think about it like when people have the same name when people are like juniors and seniors and the third or whatever you know? Those people have the same name and then you just end up going by your middle name. Like your dad and my dad like they go by their middle names
SARAH: yeah but also like I can imagine the baby mama being like spiteful like I want my child to go by Clara and if your daughter's older it's probably my daughter who's gonna get the nickname you know yeah I
KAYLA: just that's so wild
SARAH: I have one more are you ready?
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: Am I the asshole for quote punishing on quote my boyfriend with no sex after he wouldn't pay for my birth control?
KAYLA: oh no I don’t know what to say about this one
SARAH: Yeah it's a tough one to…
KAYLA: (laughing) I don’t know what to… I can’t speak on that
SARAH: I 20F have been with my boyfriend for a year. I have a three month subscription of birth control which costs 39 pounds for three months. Last time my pills were due I had no money I had gotten a call for my mom who was incredibly sick and had to spend time in the hospital she asked if I could take care of myself and pets. I left the next day. It was much more expensive than I anticipated. The train ticket cost nearly 100 pounds on its own. I also did food shopping and overall the three-week trip cost me just under 400 pounds – which crazy to me that's only 400 pounds. I mean I guess like if you're staying at your…
KAYLA: yeah I mean just like paying for shopping for food shopping for a family though for three weeks under 400 pounds is impressive because that’s savvy shopper
SARAH: you're a savvy shopper, and they said my mom paid me back and full but it seems if that happened later on and so at the time they had no money for the birth control subscription
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: I asked my boyfriend to send me the money, but he said no. I explained the situation and he said a lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part
KAYLA: well I feel like it does
SARAH: I got really mad and said that I was taking care of my family and not fucking about spending my money irresponsibly
KAYLA: (laughing) fucking around?
SARAH: it's so British he said no and I am not entitled to his money how long have they been dating a year oh no when I got back to our place OP had been off of birth control for two weeks he tried to initiate sex I said no he asked why OP said I'm not on birth control he said but I've missed you and I'm horny
KAYLA: oh
SARAH: OP said oh well you'll have to wait until next month when my pills arrive in three weeks time. He got upset and said that I was weaponizing sex and becoming financially controlling. Am I the asshole?
(laughter)
KAYLA: it's 39 pounds dude. I don't know that that constitutes financial control
SARAH: also she's not asking him to pay for it regularly. She asked him to pay for it once
KAYLA: and I feel like she probably would have been like, if he asked like can you pay me back I feel like she would have said yes
SARAH: Yeah, I also think that
KAYLA: like I get that vibe
SARAH: yeah like it just would’ve been a bit before she…
KAYLA: just she would have been it's not like she's controlling like their rent money or their food like you know it's not like
SARAH: yeah and also it's fucking weaponizing sex? Look you have every right to tell her no I won't pay for that and she has every right to as a result not have sex with you.
KAYLA: Well yeah especially like like I completely understand not wanting to have sex while you're not on birth control, like that's a risky thing to do
SARAH: if she's strapped for money to begin with, you know what’s not going to help that?
KAYLA: a baby
SARAH: a baby
KAYLA: that's… bro
SARAH: But his reasoning was that he's horny
KAYLA: he’s horny. You know what? and that's a problem he can fix himself is the good news
SARAH: yeah a lack of planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on her part
KAYLA: That’s what I’m saying. You shouldn't have been horny
(50:00)
SARAH: shouldn't have been horny
KAYLA: fix it yourself
SARAH: should have just dealt with it
KAYLA: Bro
SARAH: anyway those are my am I the asshole?
KAYLA: this has been the wildest ride yet
SARAH: yeah okay well what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: I don't even know yeah well I feel like so much happened
SARAH: a lot happened. We had walking out of birthday party we had not realizing/pretending to not know baby was Asian, we had ejacu-farting, we had ableist fucking bride, we have boyfriend who is afraid of women over 30, we have dad being a weirdo for showing affection between siblings, stealing the name Clara, and my last one which I just in my note I wrote why are men?
KAYLA: this is – because I would do a poll that's like do you think so and so is an asshole, but I feel like all of them –
SARAH: all of them are so clear
KAYLA: Pretty clear
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: so
SARAH: who's the worst asshole of these stories?
KAYLA: oh that's nice
SARAH: Let me know. Alright so what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: oh man
SARAH: my beef is tummy hurt why?
KAYLA: have you listened to tummy hurts by Renee Rapp
SARAH: no
KAYLA: Great song
SARAH: my juice is new TXT song at the VMA’s very good
KAYLA: oh god um my beef is I don't know
SARAH: okay
KAYLA: weird vibes but my juice is a Olivia Rodrigo’s new album is very good
SARAH: I haven’t listened
KAYLA: but it's also it's also weird because she's like 19 so she's saying about 19 year old experiences and it's
SARAH: and you're not 19
KAYLA: I'm not 19 and like I don't like nostalgia is the right word because it's not something I like miss
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: but the songs make me like I my young self relates to them like my current self I don't but like it makes my heart hurt for my like teenage self okay
SARAH: Kayla. (singing) Do you get de ja vu?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: haha silly jokes that's another Olivia Rodrigo song
KAYLA: Silly. so it's just it's a weird experience because like it's a very good album but it's also like a little bit painful to listen to from me
SARAH: yeah that's fair
KAYLA: so I also do this thing where you know sometimes you'll listen to a song and you'll be like oh that's so neat or it's so this situation for real? I do… my brain does this thing where I'm like this is just like this terrible thing my friends going through right now, like this would be a perfect song for them
SARAH: Do you send them the song?
KAYLA: (laughing) No that’s fucked up.
SARAH: You should send them the song! It’s perfect for you!
KAYLA: I'm not doing that there's some songs like all this really reminds me of when XYZ was going through whatever and it's anyway
SARAH: (laughing) Wow, okay
KAYLA: my other juice is that for reasons that are none of your business
SARAH: wait sorry can I go.. Do any of them remind you of me or are they all just relationship things?
KAYLA: I don't say think any of them… not on this album
SARAH: Damn I was hoping you would send me a link
KAYLA: I'm sorry but if I if there's any songs in the future that make me think of you in a sad way I will send them to you
SARAH: Perfect thanks. It doesn’t have to be in a sad way can be in other ways too
KAYLA: but it always is but it's always in a sad way Sarah
SARAH: okay continue on to your next item
KAYLA: my other juice is for reasons that are none of any of your business
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: I get to see Sarah soon
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: sleep in her house
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: for the first time ever
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: (laughing) because I've never visited because I’m a terrible friend
SARAH: you're gonna meet Bogey
KAYLA: Oh true
SARAH: good boy
KAYLA: so that's exciting
SARAH: also bad boy
KAYLA: Well he ate his congealed meat
SARAH: You'll meet best boy in house and also worst boy in house
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: Por qué no los dos? Yeah slay okay. Those are our things you can tell us about your beef and your juice on our social media also you think the biggest asshole is. You can also just like say like Elon Musk is a really valid answer um our five dollar patrons – oh we have a patreon
KAYLA: did you know?
SARAH: Yeah we do. My other beef is a my teeth are so yellow
(55:00)
SARAH: and I've been I think I don't think they've gotten yellower recently I think I've just been noticing it more.
KAYLA: yeah I feel that
SARAH: and you know I've been trying to make them less yellow but it's in my bones literally teeth are bones
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: bones are good
KAYLA: I have the mouth of like a 45 year old man so
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Anyway we have a patreon if you want to give us money so that our mouths can age in reverse, so that our mouths can Benjamin Button we need our mouths for this pod it's very important
KAYLA: that's true actually there would be a different sound if we have to get dentures or veneers
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: it could mess up the whole vibe (tapping) There’s no way that’s going to be audible.
SARAH: from my audio yeah it will
KAYLA: (clicking) it's not. No waveforms
SARAH: your gate is too high
KAYLA: I guess but I’m also so loud
SARAH: uh five our five dollar patrons who we are promoting this week are Maggie Capalbo, Mary S, Mel McMeans, Melissa and Meredith. Our ten dollar patrons who are promoting something this week are David Harris who would like to promote the Cradle books series by Will Wright – Will Wight, Derick and Carissa who would like to promote supporting each other through the transitions we face, Elle Bitter who would like to promote normalizing the use of tone indicators /srs, my Aunt Jeannie who’d like to promote Christopher’s Haven, and Maff who would like to promote the “don't should” sweatshirt and also the fact that he emailed us a month and a half ago being like hey my patronage has changed, also I want to change what I'm promoting, and I just never saw that email
KAYLA: She didn’t and then she tried to blame my email organization method
SARAH: no
KAYLA: which is crystal clear by the way
SARAH: Kayla explained how she organizes our email
KAYLA: I didn’t
SARAH: I still don't get it
KAYLA: okay to be fair I didn't because as I was trying to explain I realized that there's no it's just it's there's a strong vibe
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: but I couldn't put it into words why there's three categories and what goes into what category
SARAH: yeah and that's I don’t understand
KAYLA: It’s just the vibe is real
SARAH: yeah I was trying to ask her what the difference between important and starred is as she couldn't what can tell me
KAYLA: but I could tell you if you gave me an email I could tell you which section it goes in
SARAH: that doesn't help me
KAYLA: no
SARAH: anyway sorry Maff that I didn't see your email apparently Kayla did and just I
KAYLA: it's been sitting there waiting for you
SARAH: kept forgetting to tell me about it
KAYLA: I thought you knew!
SARAH: I don't know I didn't notice but I didn't notice
KAYLA: I mean I thought I was like surely it was like the bystander effect I was like surely she's seen it I was like there's no way she hasn't seen this like there must be a reason she's keeping it on read in the inbox like
SARAH: surely there's a reason
KAYLA: surely there's a reason and I just never trust it I got
SARAH: alright our other 10 dollar patrons are Martin Chiesl, purple Hayes, Barefoot Backpacker, Ruby, SongOfStorm, Alice, and Arcnes, Ben Macleod, Benjamin Ybarra, and Boston Smith our 15 dollar patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who’d like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell who would like to promote twitch.TV/melodydia, Hector Murillo who’d like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Nathaniel White who’d like to promote nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, Kayla's Aunt Nina who would like to promote KateMaggartArt.com and our 20 dollar patron is Dragonfly who would like to promote them not doing construction on your highway entrance without fucking warning you in advance. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: and until then take good care of your cows.
(popping sound)
KAYLA: How do I stop it? I forgot
(58:33)