Sounds Fake But Okay

Ep 205: Reddit Confessions

November 07, 2021 Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 205: Reddit Confessions
Show Notes Transcript

Hey what's up hello! We're heading back to Reddit, but this time we're checking out r/Confessions and r/Confession. What are the deepest darkest secrets of the internet? It's time to find out.

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(00:00)

KAYLA: Sarah.

SARAH: Yes. 

KAYLA: It is a well-known fact on this podcast and in the world that aspec people cannot owe anyone money.

SARAH: I’m so glad to hear you finally admit that openly and honestly in this space.

KAYLA: I know it’s taken me a really long time to catch on. Um, I was really hesitant at first. However, something that gets really dicey when you’re asexual and you cannot legally owe money, is when you have to pay a lot of money for things like college.

SARAH: Yeah that’ll really do ya.

KAYLA: Yeah, because they won’t really let you in, without paying the money you owe. But legally it's like…

SARAH: Yeah, but can you owe money?

KAYLA: You can be like this podcast told me I can’t and that’s a reputable source. So like what are you supposed to do about it, you know?

SARAH: Right. Yeah, I’m wondering, I’m on the edge of my seat.

KAYLA: Well I’m so glad that you’re really excited to hear this because I have a- I have solved it. I have a solution.

SARAH: M’kay. Okay, okay.

KAYLA: For this ace week and for this month we are giving away a $500 college scholarship in partnership with Niche, so basically we’ve solved some of your problems with your owing money situation.

SARAH: We’ve essentially solved $500 worth of problems.

KAYLA: Yeah. Which is a fun time and a big deal.

SARAH: Hell Yeah.

KAYLA: We’re doing a $500 college scholarship for ace week, but it runs until November 30th and it's for high school and college students who need money and don’t wanna owe money.

SARAH: What do the kids need to do?!

KAYLA: All— Listen here — all you need to do is go to niche.college/aceweek and you just fill out a little form and then you’ve applied you don’t even have to do an essay.

SARAH: Wow! We love not having to do essays!

KAYLA: I know! So: niche.college/aceweek and it's really quick and then you can just go throughout the rest of your ace week and the rest of your month no problem and you can maybe win some money.

SARAH: Yeah we love winning some money! Niche.college/aceweek!

(transition music cut from the intro song)

SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)

KAYLA: … and a demisexual girl (that’s me, Kayla)

SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.

KAYLA: On today’s episode: Reddit Confessions.

BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.

(Intro song)

SARAH: Welcome back to the Pod! 

KAYLA: M’arilyn M’onroe. Double.

SARAH: M’m’m’m’m’y Sherona!

KAYLA: Okay…. Thank you.

SARAH: (laughs) You’re welcome.

KAYLA: Thanks.
SARAH: I tried to move away from the mic when I did that, I hope I didn’t uhh...

KAYLA: That’s between you and god.

SARAH: That’s between me and myself. Kayla, do we have housekeeping?

KAYLA: Housekeeping… today… article from the BBC came out and it has me in it...

SARAH: And by today we mean four days ago.

KAYLA: It’s Thursday. But it’s today for me! But it’s also funny because really it came out tomorrow because it’s dated November 5th-

SARAH: Shhhhhhh, I can’t hear...

KAYLA: -because it’s November 5th in the UK already now. So really it's like I’m reading an article from the future, but anyway it’s about demisexuality, it has me, it has Elle Rose, it has some other great demi people in it.

SARAH: I like how the front picture -front picture that they used has me on it. I did not talk to anyone at the BBC. (laughs)

KAYLA: You did not, but they specifically requested that photo to be the top photograph.

SARAH: Amazing. 

KAYLA: So I don’t know.

SARAH: This was the interview that they did right when I started- when I was going to go back to the office right?

KAYLA: You- yes, you were unavailable. Actually you weren’t because the day I did the interview you were sick.

SARAH: I was still at home.

KAYLA: So you could’ve.
SARAH: I could’ve but I would’ve been sick and that’s not cute.

KAYLA: Yeah that’s not fun. It was also the day I had an incredibly large mental breakdown after the interview.

SARAH: Mm.

KAYLA: Not because of the interview, because of other things.

SARAH: Romantic.

KAYLA: Anyway it’s a good article, they even like asked for our opinions on the headline to make sure it was okay which is nice.

SARAH: Oh that’s nice!

KAYLA: Because there’s been some really bad headlines out there.

SARAH: I always hate it when people write really really excellent articles, but they don’t get to choose their own headline-

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: -and then someone gives them a horrible headline. Like it’s not their fucking fault.

(5:00)

KAYLA: Well the person who wrote it, it was like their editor who was like “please ask everyone if this is okay” so it was the editor even who wanted it.

SARAH: That’s so good.

KAYLA: So that was really exciting. So yeah. Check it out! You can find it.
SARAH: Cool cool.

KAYLA: Just go to the BBC, it's there.

SARAH: Yeah. The- we - the ace week scholarship is still going-

KAYLA: still going strong.

SARAH: - you can still sign up at niche.college/aceweek. 

KAYLA: Mhm.

SARAH: Also known as neesh, but not the company.

KAYLA: Yeah I did tell my team about the debate we had last week about the pronunciation, and they all said “yeah I know. It’s weird” and I said “I know”.

SARAH: Yeah so niche.college/aceweek and you might be able to win some money for your schools.

KAYLA: Sometimes all it takes to win money is to be ace.

SARAH: Don’t have to write an essay… also you don’t have to be ace to apply.

KAYLA: No you don’t, but you can be!

SARAH: You can be. So yeah, that is still going, so get a little bit of free money if you can. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?

KAYLA: This week shockingly, we had no ideas. So we went back to — we have many ideas, just the ideas we had we were not prepared to prepare.

SARAH: My coworker gave us an idea today and then started doing research for me.

KAYLA: We should hire them.

SARAH: We should hire them, we have no money to give them.

KAYLA: Can we just get an unpaid intern, or would that be unethical?
SARAH: Well that’s what I told them that they’re now our unpaid intern and they were like “thank you so much”

KAYLA: Honestly. Put that on your resume.

SARAH: I mean they haven’t sent us the fruits of their labor yet, but I wait with bated breath.

KAYLA: Oh okay so maybe it’s trash. Okay I can’t wait to see it.

SARAH: They were very busy at work today, they were having a hard time Kayla...

KAYLA: Okay. Okay it’s fine.

SARAH: (laughs)

KAYLA: I’m not firing them as our unpaid intern, they just started! 

SARAH: That’s true.

KAYLA: Anyway because we were not prepared to do anything that required preparation we’re going back to our best friend Reddit. And this time we’re reading people’s confessions from r/confessions. Which! If y’all like this, my original idea was to get anonymous confessions from y’all the listeners and read them and judge y’all, but we obviously need time to send out a form and collect those, but if you’re interested in us reading your confessions let us know.

SARAH: And we were like maybe we can do that next week and then Kayla was like “there’s a Reddit we’re doing it today”. 

KAYLA: There’s a Reddit for that! I literally went on Reddit and was like what other subreddits can we turn into free content for us. (laughs)

SARAH: Yup this is now a Reddit podcast.

KAYLA: Honestly, yeah. So this is r/confessions. The description says “Get that nasty secret off your chest or simply use this as a place to vent. See the unfiltered opinions of strangers.” Um the first one I have for you-
SARAH: Where does it say that?

KAYLA: On the side?

SARAH: That’s not what my side says, are we on the same one? Is it R… oh.

KAYLA: Now where are you?

SARAH: Are you at r/confessions?

KAYLA: Mhm.

SARAH: There’s also an r/confession.

KAYLA: (gasps) I wonder if there’s a rivalry, that’s very fun.

SARAH: And this one was created in November 2nd 2008, when was the confessions made?

KAYLA: This was made December 19th 2008.

SARAH: Oh my god, mine's older.

KAYLA: Drama. Well we can do both. I'm sure they have the same content.

SARAH: How about you read off of confessions and I’ll read off of singular confession.

KAYLA: Incredible. The first one I have for you is beautiful, and moving, and disturbing. Would you like to hear it?
SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Okay here we go. This was posted only 16 hours ago so...

SARAH: I think I just saw the one you’re about to read.

KAYLA: Noooooooo. Noooooo.

SARAH: Reader, you will be shocked. Continue.

KAYLA: You will be shocked and confused. Title: “I had a graphically sexual dream involving Danny Devito the other night” “I am a straight man who is not attracted to Danny Devito. In the dream we were 69'ing but he's so short his dick wouldn't reach my mouth. His belly button was also filled with some kind of cream which I remember finding disgusting, then I wanted to stop but he wouldn't let me and came on me. This was the worst dream of my entire life.”

SARAH: I’m so sorry that Danny Devito— that dream Danny Devito — did not respect your boundaries-

KAYLA: That’s really.

SARAH: -that’s not acceptable.

KAYLA: Can I read you the top comment?

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: I don’t know if it’s the top comment, it’s the first. CandiedYams commented, “Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?”

SARAH: Oh boy.

(10:00)

KAYLA: Someone also said “I’m also a straight man that just realized I AM attracted to Danny Devito, fixed it for you”

SARAH: Well yeah, that’s valid. That’s valid.
KAYLA: So umm… (gasp laughs) OH NO!

SARAH: What.

KAYLA: Someone else also commented “Well I failed NNN” meaning no nut November.

SARAH: Oh.

KAYLA: Which started the other day, and if you’re interested we have a whole episode about it, which honestly I think is a pretty good episode.

SARAH: Okay, I think I figured out the difference between confession and confessions.

KAYLA: Yes.

SARAH: I think confession is a little bit- it’s not more vanilla, but it's more, there’s a lot of shit about people just stealing stuff when they were young.

KAYLA: Mhmm.

SARAH: Whereas I think the confessions one is a little more spicy.

KAYLA: Yeah there is a lot about sex and relationships in here.

SARAH: Yeah. So actually I think we will probably rely more upon the confessions. Okay now this one is not even an confession it’s just “All girls cheat, sorry to admit it it's the modern times now, before it used to be men cheating and now every guy I meet has been cheated on lol”

KAYLA: Mmm.

SARAH: That’s not a confession.

KAYLA: That’s just...

SARAH: Okay this one is kind of weird. Alright, “My flatmates might have seen me snooping around my roommate's bed when she was away.”

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: “I am a female living with 3 other flatmates, two in each room. Tonight my roommate went to her fiance's place to surprise him, so I had the living room all for myself. Yes - we 2 live in the living room while the other 2 live in the bedroom of a 1 bedroom 1 bath - student life.”

KAYLA: Funnn. Funn.

SARAH: I did that. I did that.

KAYLA: You did.

SARAH: “Our living room has a large window - with blinders but you could see who is there even with the blinders on. And you could see through the cracks of the blinders.” Blinds is what I would say as an American (laughs). “Today I was super moody because I had been thinking about my life.” Relatable. “And the other 2 people went out- studying- partying” No partying the people went out partying (laughs).

KAYLA: Hello?

SARAH: It’s been a long day. “So I was alone in the whole flat and I was de-stressing by blasting music out loud. And As I was walking around - I saw some books of my roommate. She was reading that one really passionate-” Oh my god. “She was reading that one really passionately over the last few days. I picked it up and started going through it. I went through her drawers - I didn't specifically pay attention to anything - I used an earbud though. But it was harmless! And then I heard it.”

KAYLA: What?
SARAH: “A knock! I panicked and opened the door and realized they were by the window which was right next to my roommate's bed. Though I had blinders - but through the blades of the blinders - you could make out - if someone was sitting on her bed. I realized, I fucked up. I understand I snooped, but by no means do I have bad intentions. My curiosity got the best of me and that book seduced me. I fucked up.”

KAYLA: (laughs)

SARAH:  “If they tell her, it'll be so awkward for me to explain myself. She is going to be back by 2 days. I hope the other 2 forget about it. If they tell her, it’s going to be an ugly drama. I don't really like my roommate.” B- what book was it?
KAYLA: Okay, I’m so confused. So you see a book that she is reading and has been really interested in.

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: You’re like I wanna check out this book, which, that seems fine.

SARAH: Mhm. Yeah

KAYLA: That doesn’t seem uncalled for if a book is just laying there to look at it.

SARAH: Like pick up a book yeah.

KAYLA: Pick up a book. Um but what about that means that you had to go into the drawers if the book was there? (laughs) It makes no sense to me. If the book is out. Then what-  also I loved the “I used an earbud but it was fine” like what just one?

SARAH: Just testing. You had to connect it, it didn’t have to be an airpod, or a cordless-

KAYLA: I mean it could be one you sleep with, but I’m so confused about the logic of this.

SARAH: See you’re hung up on that, but I’m hung up on what book is it.

KAYLA: Mhm.

SARAH: Like is it Karl Marx. Like is it shameless smut. There’s a lot of options here. Like is it Obama’s autobiography, you know, like there are a lot of different options here and I think that would really add to the story.

KAYLA: I agree. I also love the phrase “the book seduced me”

SARAH: True. The book seduced me.

KAYLA: I’m trying to think if I ever went through any of your stuff when we lived together.

SARAH: I didn’t ever go through your stuff unless I was looking for something. Usually for you, because why would my shit be in your shit?
KAYLA: Well yeah. The only time I can think of was when I was like “Sarah I’m going to use your setting spray, goodbye” and then I would just let myself into your room and go through your desk.

SARAH: Yeah, yeah. I never did that.

KAYLA: Well. That’s so fun.

SARAH: Gimme another one.

KAYLA: That was weird as hell.

(15:00)

SARAH: Okay! I think you’re going to give the spicy ones and I’m gonna give just the fuckin’ weird ones.

KAYLA: Okay so this one defi- this one is spicy and weird so get- buckle up.

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: “I left a goat head on my ex's car.”

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: “When I was 19 a guy who I had talked to for 3 years and gave my virginity to ghosted me.” 

SARAH: Gave.

KAYLA: I have a lot of feelings on this first sentence alone, but we will circle back. “Mind you I waited two years before sleeping with him but for me growing up very antisocial and insecure I really trusted this guy. He started to grow distant and eventually just stopped replying. I begged him to just come clean and tell me we were done but he wouldn’t- couldn’t even give me closure” That’s spelled wrong. “I’d never been so hurt. So naturally a day before my birthday. I went to a butcher shop, bought a goat head with blood. Drove to his house. Spray painted fuck you on the side of his car and left him a bloody goat head on his windshield. I don’t regret it.” Heart face.

SARAH: Oh my god. Heart face!

KAYLA: I have a lot. This first sentence: 19, a little old to be doing this, but fine. You talked to this guy for 3 years, that is a long time to just be in the talking stage.

SARAH: That’s really- that seems honestly horrible, I’ve never really been in the talking stage but...

KAYLA: That seems toxic.

SARAH: I uh don’t fuck around with that shit.
KAYLA: Don’t talk.

SARAH: I don’t talk. I don’t speak. This is an illusion, but that seems way too long. Because the talking phase is still kind of awkward and like it’s kinda Honeymooney. How can you be in such a honeymooney phase for 3 years?

KAYLA: Also the talking phase is very non-committal.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: LIke we’re just gonna be flirting, we’re not even necessarily like going on dates-

SARAH: Dating.

KAYLA: - or seeing each other.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: It’s just the initial flirting stage, of just like courting someone. But can you really just do that for 3 years without being like ok I’m just going to date someone else or we need to just commit. I, unsurprisingly, have not lasted long in talking stages that don’t turn into something committed because I am how you say? Demisexual and that doesn’t work for me.

SARAH: You are both demisexual and a serial monogamist and the combination of the two is killer.

KAYLA: Yes. Lethal, lethal. So yeah, aside from that confusion, she left a bloody goat...

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: I would kill to see this guy's reaction.

SARAH: Would you kill a goat?

KAYLA: Maybe. Someone commented “scary. Not the head: you.”

SARAH: (laughs) But did he do something specific to prompt this?
KAYLA: All he did was ghost her.

SARAH: I mean...

KAYLA: Which I understand, getting ghosted definitely sucks, but like...

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: This is...

SARAH: Wow. Honestly, if I was that guy, I’d be like who did? What?? I wouldn’t necessarily think that it was her who did it. I’d be like who that fuck had it out for me? Is there a mafia coming after me?

KAYLA: That’s true, ‘cause like especially he probably thinks- he seems like the type of guy to be like he forgets this girl existed.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: So he’d be like okay.

SARAH: And animal head with blood in it? Very mafia.

KAYLA: That’s true.

SARAH: Okay I have one from confession, singular. “My little sister and I used to steal the body of christ.”

KAYLA: Hhhhuh~?

SARAH: “I grew up Anglican and was confirmed at a pretty young age. For those who don't know, being confirmed allows you to drink the wine and eat the wafers, ie, the body and blood of christ. As you can see, my focus was the wafers and wine. I really liked them. They have a weird melt in your mouth quality to them and I was hooked from the get go. I asked my mom if we could buy the wafers somewhere but she said they were made by nuns.”

KAYLA: That’s not true! I have seen on the internet large tupperwares of them that you buy from Christian Costco or whatever. 

SARAH: Yeah they sneak out of class and eat them in Ladybird.

KAYLA: Yes.

SARAH: “So, evil child that I was, I stole them. I would wait for the service to finish so the room would clear, run up to the altar and clear out the little silver box of Christ bread. Sunday after Sunday, I would go to church looking forward to my favorite snack. I even got my little sister into it - we were bad little body snatchers. This one would be tough to explain to St. Peter. Edit: Whoa! This sure got a lot of attention. I guess my confession here is not the same as confessing to a priest but it'll have to do for now. Thanks for the awards!”

(laughing)

(20:00)

KAYLA: Oh my god.

SARAH: I love this because honestly the best part of going to church was consuming the literal body of Jesus.

KAYLA: Also because if you went to church super early, and maybe you didn’t eat a ton and then went to catechism and then went to church you were so hungry.

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: And you were like “ugh a nice snack”

SARAH: A little snack. And is it good? No. It kind of tastes like cardboard. But like...

KAYLA: But it kind of is good.

SARAH: But better. For anyone here who hasn’t had like I don’t know, I guess, I know- I don’t think all Christian churches do communion or do it the same...

KAYLA: Mm. I don’t know?

SARAH: But at least Catholic and Anglican are the same. But I always… I was into that body of Christ so I totally understand. I also— this might not be true in Anglican church— but in the Catholic church once the wine and the wafers are like blessed, which - and they are - they literally become the body and the blood of Jesus.
KAYLA: Skin. Just some skin.

SARAH: In other Christian faiths it represents it, but in Catholicism it becomes it.

KAYLA: It’s like here, you’re drinking some blood, and eating a literal leaf of flesh.

SARAH: Yeah and because of that, when, after mass they can store the wafers, but the wine is just loose in a cup. (laughs) in a goblet and they can’t dump it out because it’s the-

KAYLA: They have to finish it!

SARAH: It’s the blood of Jesus so they have to finish it, so sometimes when there’s not that many people that were at mass and there’s too much wine left over, they gotta just chug that shit and roll up a little bit tipsy at the end of mass. (laughs)

KAYLA: I’m pretty sure at my church, the ushers that or whatever that stand at the front with the wine, when there was stuff left they would just drink the rest like right in front of everyone.

SARAH: They had to!

KAYLA: They would just be like “(smacks mouth) mm”

SARAH: Bloop bloop bloop, tasty!

KAYLA: Man Catholicism is wild.

SARAH: Weird. I love that though, I think you’re great user wannaplayspace.

KAYLA: It’s very good.

SARAH: I think it's wonderful and I also- the small detail of referring to themselves as bad little bodysnatchers? (laughs) 

KAYLA: I mean they kind of are bodysnatchers!

SARAH: -because it is the body of Christ. It’s the body of Christ!

KAYLA: They’re a bodysnatcher. What're you gonna do?

SARAH: Anyway what’s your next one?
KAYLA: It’s really terrible, are you ready?

SARAH: Uh huh.

KAYLA: It only has one upvote and the rest are down votes. (clears throat). “I find my cousin very attractive”

SARAH: Hmm.

KAYLA: “I find my cousin very attractive. I’m 20 and she’s 17” she’s not legal, anyway. “Whenever I see her-” that was a me add not this person (referring to she’s not legal) 

SARAH: Yeah, I got that.

KAYLA: “Whenever I see her I get really turned on and imagine myself doing things with her” (deep breath) (laughs) I regret reading this. “A couple weeks ago we went to this dinner and had to wear really smart clothing so I wore a suit and she was wearing a really sexy dress, and when I got there I saw her I just stared at her because her tits just looked like they were just gonna pop out of that dress. Her tits are just so massive and just seeing her makes me really hard instantly, and you could see parts of her bra sticking out of the dress and I imagine she wears really sexy under” Okay. “I just don’t know if I should be feeling this way because she is family and my cousin, but she is so sexy and gorgeous.”

SARAH: Touch grass?

KAYLA: (wheezes) touch grass!

SARAH: And dump a bucket of ice-cold water on their head. That’s my prescription.

KAYLA: They really need some help. Someone responded, “These feelings are perfectly acceptable in Afghanistan” and the original poster said “Oh right, okay.”

SARAH: Uhhh.

KAYLA: And someone else said “You could find someone else” and OP said “Yeah I know.”

SARAH: Honestly I even have a question about the Afghanistan question- or the statement.

KAYLA: Yeah that one- (laughs)

SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA:  EUGH!

SARAH: I found a spicy one on the confessions page.

KAYLA: Someone said: “Well you’re hardwired to find certain things attractive there’s nothing wrong with it, just don’t act on it.” And someone replied like “Um there’s a lot of things wrong with it when it’s your underaged cousin.” and the guy goes- OP goes “Yeah I’ll try not to act on it”

SARAH: Oh my god.

KAYLA: And then it has 16 downvotes.

SARAH: Good. What a delight.

KAYLA: You- Eugh. One more thing- some people are telling him to just have sex with her, and he was like “smash her?” and the guy goes “yes do it the UK is like the other Alabama” and OP goes “UK is nothing like Alabama and I have fantasies about her, but I’m just not sure if I can actually do it” 

SARAH: Oh my goddd.
KAYLA: (exhale)

SARAH: I have a couple of quick fire ones. Are you ready?

KAYLA: Okay.

SARAH: This one says: “I like makeup. I’m a dude who doesn’t really find guys very attractive but I really like looking at myself in makeup or girly clothes. That is all.” Good for you!

KAYLA: Cool, great!

SARAH: This one is “I waved at a crush too aggressively”

KAYLA: (laughs)

SARAH: “I waved at a girl I like super hard and I have been acting mean and weird before that at times but she was probably wondering wtf was going on in my head. I caught her staring hard at me then looking away. End me please this is so embarrassing” 

KAYLA: God.

SARAH: My last quickfire one is “Uh oh, I poured milk before cereal. Help.” (laughs)

KAYLA: I also saw that one.

SARAH: Um I have this one-

KAYLA: Wowie.

SARAH: -is also pretty short, but I think we’ll also be able to discuss this one more. “I’m using my fiance to finance my life”

KAYLA: (whispers) I also saw that one.

SARAH: “As the title says I’m using my fiance to finance my life. I fell out of love with her years ago and do not want to be with her at all anymore, actually I think I’m more into guys now. I’m completely using her to allow me the extra money to save for travel and fun after we break up.-”
KAYLA: Oh-

SARAH: “I don’t feel good about it, but man is it an easy way to have your bills cut in half.” (laughs) I think this just goes to reinforce the fact that society is built for and around couples and it's just a lot easier to be in a pair.

KAYLA: Yeah. Um this guy, is… this should be in Am I the Asshole, because yes. I saw people being like you need to read more am I the assholes where the person actually is the asshole. There’s one for you I guess.

SARAH: Yeah. So you’re engaged. I guess you don’t have a wedding planned it seems.

KAYLA: Yeah it seems...

SARAH: You’re just forever engaged. But not because you intend to break up at some point? So how long are you planning on doing this for, you know? “I fell out of love with her years ago” How long have you been together, and how long have you not been in love with her and just using her as your sugar daddy?

KAYLA: I’m just reading some really weird things. “Do you ever go to the bathroom to pee and wipe your ass and there’s shit on it. So you go to wipe your ass some more and end up getting toilet paper up your butthole so you have to pull it out? That just happened to me.” Okay!

SARAH: This one — I’m ignoring you — 
KAYLA: I wish you would.

SARAH: This one “I have been learning to cook in secret”

KAYLA: Mhm.

SARAH: “In the past few months, I have been secretly learning from a lot of cooking- from a lot of cooking channels on Youtube for 2 reasons: one, surprising my gf for her birthday and two, for my own sake. Cooking is great fun, I genuinely enjoy the whole process from start to finish. My skills have improved quite significantly but I still pretended to be this clueless guy who couldn't make scrambled eggs. For her birthday, I'm planning to make her favorite dish and hopefully surprise her. Quite nervous on my end since she is a fantastic cook herself. Let's hope everything goes well.” smiley face. That’s cute!

KAYLA: That is so pure.

SARAH: And I love how they refer to themselves as a clueless guy so I assume this is man-

KAYLA: A guy.

SARAH: But I love how he was like “I wanna surprise my girlfriend but like, also I fuckin’ love this shit. This is fun!”

KAYLA: This is so cute.

SARAH: Can’t relate, my guy, my dude. I don’t like cooking, but...

KAYLA: I hate cooking.

SARAH: It’s very cute.

KAYLA: “Happy love stories with happy endings make me feel depressed, but I keep watching them”

SARAH: Hmm.

KAYLA: “I think temporarily they make me feel really good. Like feeling an emotion that I can't, myself. But then as I think more about it after getting invested, it makes me extremely depressed each time. It's the realization that I will forever stay only being able to experience this emotion through a TV screen and never IRL. But I keep watching them anyway, as if I need to fill the void that's left every time I finish a series.”

SARAH: Catharsis makes sense, but I don’t like your attitude.
KAYLA: Okay, I was reading this as someone who’s aro.

SARAH: M’kay, if you’re aro I also don’t like your attitude, but in a more understanding and loving way.

KAYLA: What are you- what problem do you have with their attitude?

(30:00)

SARAH: It’s just I would try to get an aro in this situation to see the like “okay maybe you’re missing out on this thing, but here is what you gain and it doesn’t have to be, like you can gain something equally as good”

KAYLA: Yes. But I don’t think its there fault that they have this attitude-

SARAH: No, no.

KAYLA: -when romantic relationships are shoved down everyone’s throat. If this is a Pick Me guy then fuck this you have a terrible attitude, but I think it sounds like this person could be aro.

SARAH: Could be aro, yeah.
KAYLA: And this seems like an experience a lot of aro people have, of realizing you’re aro-

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: And being like… well, now everything is sad.

SARAH: Yeah. I’ve never been like a romance novel person or someone who's like this is my favorite genre. But I’ve never had an issue with it personally and I think that’s probably a testament to me not giving a fuck about anything.

KAYLA: We were- Sarah and I were talking the other day about how Sarah has just an incredible gift for just not giving a fuck about things.

SARAH: Mhm, yeah.

KAYLA: Whereas you have me, who cares about who everyone thinks...uhh no. Me who cares about what everyone thinks.

SARAH: You said the exact same thing twice.

KAYLA: Well then cut the last part then.

SARAH: No, I'm gonna keep it.

KAYLA: Okay. And then you have Sarah who simply, just doesn’t uhh care.

SARAH: I mean I do care in certain contexts, but in the context of what I do with my life, in the context of my identity and my sexuality I do not give a (deep voice) FOK. But then if someone looks at me wrong I’m like “oh my god they hate me!” So...

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: You know. Um this one is rough. Okay: “I pretended to be nonbinary in an online game when I’m a cisgendered female”

KAYLA: Hm!

SARAH: “I play a lot of World of Warcraft and League of Legends, and I play mostly female characters. I don’t flaunt my gender in the game, but when people ask me if I’m a boy or a girl, I’ll tell them I’m nonbinary because I don’t want people to give me special treatment, or flirting, or making sexist jokes to me. I just wanna be treated as another player. It doesn’t help that the other players are probably 14 when I’m 32 years old, and I don’t want to be misconstrued as a pedophile when I’m not. I only go on discord or tell the truth to people I trust. I’m really sorry to all the transgender people out there, I know this is wrong, I feel really bad doing it.” This is actually really interesting.
KAYLA: It is because like it is wrong, because also it isn’t?

SARAH: The reason that they’re doing it is to protect themselves. And it is really interesting, especially considering that they assume that a lot of the fellow players are teenagers — that may or may not be true — it’s interesting that this person sees being female in this context as more dangerous than being nonbinary.

KAYLA: I don’t think they just see it like that, because I’m assuming they’ve been doing this for awhile and have kept doing it because it works.

SARAH: Yeah, because it works.

KAYLA: Which is really interesting to me that it would be safer in that environment to be nonbinary than to be a woman. Like that is honestly shocking to me.

SARAH: I’m sure some people ask way too many invasive questions when they say that they’re nonbinary, but it is interesting to me that if it’s true that a lot of these people are young people, it is interesting to me that they’re more open to the nonbinary of it all, but still have that level of misogyny towards women. It’s a weird combination.

KAYLA: I almost wonder if it’s these people not believing in nonbinary things and just assuming that this person was assigned male at birth-

SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: -so it’s like “you can say you’re nonbinary, but I know you’re a man, so I’m just going to treat you like a man”

SARAH: “but like I know everyone here is a man” yeah.

KAYLA: I don’t know, it's very weird. It is wrong, but if she was pretending to be a man, I’d be like yeah okay. 

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: It’s very bizarre. I’m really shocked that that worked.

SARAH: Yeah and I didn’t read this, but I just read the title, so as I was reading this I was like this is way more complex than I anticipated.

KAYLA: Yeah, when you read the title I was like “Okay fuck you” but huh.

(35:00)

SARAH: Yeah it's really interesting. I’m saying now that should be our poll, I don’t know what about it. Something about it.

KAYLA: “Is okay?”

SARAH: We’re not there yet, we’re not there yet.

KAYLA: Okay! This one is short, but it's the comments I find interesting.

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: This is just “I have never masturbated before, male 16”

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: And it’s just a bunch of comments. This one said, “considering I started around 12 years old you should probably try it.”

SARAH: OH MY GOD. Sometimes I forget...

KAYLA: This person said “Do you want a medal or something?” and the OP just says, “No I was just putting it out there”

SARAH: Hold on hold on, I need to return to the 12-year-old thing.
KAYLA: Mhm.

SARAH: Because I forget that the allo’s do shit.

KAYLA: Ha!

SARAH: And when I’m faced with the reality of how young...

KAYLA: Okay, well don’t just say the allos, because aspec people masturbate too. It’s just...

SARAH: That’s true, but I- I think it’s like the very the cishet that’s pushed on to kids...

KAYLA: Yes.

SARAH: I guess maybe they do want to do it, just cause they want to, but I feel like when you're 12...

KAYLA: Yeah I don’t know.

SARAH: It’s a social pressure thing? I don’t know.

KAYLA: Well I was just reading something on the internet; a lot of toddlers will quote unquote self soothe-

SARAH: mhm.

KAYLA: And they obviously don’t know what they’re doing exactly, but it’s sort of a stimming situation for young kids-

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: -just to like feel a sensation.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Which honestly I find very interesting as a whole nother subject of when you’re very young-

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: -it’s self-soothing, and it’s like “it’s okay, just do it, get it out, whatever” and then you turn a certain age and it’s ‘nasty’.

SARAH: And suddenly it’s weird… yeah that’s odd. I think, just everytime I’m reminded how young some people are when sexual things and interactions start happening?

KAYLA: Yes, that's always shocking.

SARAH: It’s shocking to me every time.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Because usually people don’t talk about how old they- you only do that with close friends or whatever, so when you do hear someone say that because it’s kind of taboo, but like when they do say it I’m like “wait fuck, what the shit?”

KAYLA: I do think in general masturbation starts younger than you might think for a lot of people.

SARAH: That’s valid. That makes- that makes more sense to me in a way that I can’t explain why? But it does.

KAYLA: I also think masturbation isn’t as sexual as a lot of people make it out to be.

SARAH: That’s- that’s very true.

KAYLA: Anyway there’s a bunch of people being like “don’t do it, it’s a sin, blah blah blah” then there’s other people being like “don’t listen to those people”

SARAH: I thought you were going to say “don’t do it, it’s a scam” (laughs)

KAYLA: It’s a scam. And then there’s other people being like “don’t listen to the people saying it’s not good for you, it is good for you actually so try it.” I just don’t- all these people are telling this kid what to do. And if he doesn’t want to do it-

SARAH: Then don’t. And if he does-

KAYLA: Then get crackin’ bitch. 

SARAH: Sure.

KAYLA: (makes lip trill/lip flutter sound) There are a lot of funny jokes like “well you can’t try now because it’s no nut November” and that’s pretty funny all things considered.

SARAH: Yeah. It’s so wild to me that a 16-year-old would have to feel like that’s a confession.

KAYLA: I know, that is the weird thing. UH!

SARAH: But that’s toxic masculinity- what?

KAYLA: UHH! Would you like a horrendous story?!

SARAH: Uhh yeah?

KAYLA: “I photoshopped my girlfriend's face on other pornstars slash camgirls' body and made a few deepfake videos on her to satisfy myself.”

SARAH: I assume she doesn’t know about this.

KAYLA: “Not that she's not attractive, but I have morphed her nudes into making her boobs look bigger, or photoshopped her head onto more bustier looking models and jerked off to those photos.This all started as an experimentation and realizing how good I am with Photoshop,” (laughs).

SARAH: Oh my god.

KAYLA: Bro just take a class or something. “I now have 100+ morphed images of my girlfriend, without her consent, and some 6-7 deepfakes videos of her doing stuff that she doesn't usually do in sex. I do feel guilty, but I don't think I can stop. I obviously can't tell her, I don't even wanna imagine the aftermath, nor am I mocking her physical appearance in any way. Like I said, she's very attractive, but I just feel I can jerk off better to her morphed photos than to her original photos.”

SARAH: Here’s the weird thing about that. It’s simultaneously super invasive and weird. Simultaneously, really fuckin’ rude. It is… also a weird compliment. Like your body is not attractive, but I like your face. I like your face so much I will put your face on someone else's body.

(40:00)

KAYLA: (laughs). I just can’t get over him being like “well I’m really good at photoshop so…”

SARAH: (laughs) I’m really good.

KAYLA: Then take up like freelance design or something like what?

SARAH: Photoshop some fuckin’ cats! A different type of pussy if you will.

KAYLA: Oh my god. This person says, “maybe you can put your face on the hot guys with huge dicks. In case she ever finds out you can be like, I did this for us” 

(laughing)

SARAH: I did this for us! That’s really, I mean that’s- that’s weird. I don’t like it.

KAYLA: I just… these comments are so confusing to people. It’s like, he’s like “I don’t know is it? Is this not cheating itself? It’s like I am mocking her, not appreciating her natural body, when I keep reminding her however you are, you're always the best version of yourself.” But is it?!

SARAH: But also you keep jerking off-

KAYLA: Euh.

SARAH: Is jerking off to porn cheating? I guess it depends on what the boundaries of your relationship are.

KAYLA: I don’t think so.

SARAH: I don’t think so.

KAYLA: I’m sure some people think that.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: It’s like some girls on Tiktok get mad at their boyfriends for watching videos of hot girls on Tiktok and it’s like what do you want? Tiktok is full of hot girls, what are you supposed to do about it? But I don’t know if I would call this cheating, I would call this... awful.

SARAH: Yeah. Sidebar: the weird jealousy thing of like “don’t talk to my boyfriend, my boyfriend can’t follow other girls-”

KAYLA: Wild.

SARAH: It’s like not only are you so possessive you think you own him, but you don’t trust him! Like… 

KAYLA: My favorite is like videos or screenshots of girls texting guys to be like “hey can you do this part of our group project for science class or whatever” and then it’s like “um this is Timothy’s girlfriend why the FUCK are you texting him?!” 

SARAH: Uhh we have science together...

KAYLA: or when it’s a guys sister texting him and being like “hey timmy mom said to be home by whenever” and then the girl is like “why the FUCK are you texting him, you don’t know him” and the girls like “um he’s my brother”.

SARAH: I’ve seen somewhere like people get messaged on Instagram where they were like “my boyfriend liked your photo-”

KAYLA: Mm I have seen that.

SARAH: And they were like “...okay. I don’t follow him, I don’t know who he is.”

KAYLA: The girl is like “can you delete this picture?” and it's like “uh no.”

SARAH: She was like “can you block my boyfriend?” and this person is like “what the fuck is wrong with you”

KAYLA: Some people really be wildin’.

SARAH: Yeah. I have one more. 

KAYLA: Mhm.

SARAH: So this one is “I have a girlfriend, but I miss the feeling of searching for one. I’m a 17-year-old kid” so you’re a baby. “As for now I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now” so they started dating since they were 14, assuming her girlfriend is— it’s a guy, I think, I just automatically made it gay (laughs)

KAYLA: As you should.

SARAH: Assuming that the girlfriend is the same age. “I really love her and I honestly wouldn’t replace her with anyone in the whole world. She loves me the same way I do” and again, I don’t want to make it seem like this relationship isn’t important. I know that you’re 17 and it feels very important— we’re not going to get into this, but-

KAYLA: It could be! I know people have been dating and are now married since 6th grade.

SARAH: I know people who started dating their freshman year of highschool and now are like married, but it’s like they’re not the same people that they were when they were 17.

KAYLA: I’m just saying!

SARAH: I know. I want to validate the thoughts and feelings of 17-year-olds while also acknowledging that you’re 17.

KAYLA: Okay, but we have 17-year-olds that listen to this.

SARAH: I know we do! I know we do!

KAYLA: And 17-year-old love is very important.

SARAH: What you feel now is important-

KAYLA: It’s a learning experience.

SARAH: -and it doesn’t matter that it won’t feel important when you’re older because it’s important now-

KAYLA: Sarah is being a bitch.

SARAH: - and that still matters.

KAYLA: Don’t listen to Sarah, she’s being a bitch.

SARAH: Okay.

KAYLA: Okay!

SARAH: Okay, “we already discussed our future and how we’re willing to do this until the end, however we are in a long distance relationship.” (laughs) “She lives in a country and so do I” (continues laughing)

KAYLA: And don’t we all. And don’t we just all. (laughs)

SARAH: “Every time we met, which is a total of 4-5 times, it honestly felt like heaven on earth and I forget every negative thought around her. And our relationship is so healthy and we work hard for each other” This does sound— alright good job. 

KAYLA: See.

SARAH: “And we always understand the circumstances for not texting for a certain time or whatever. We do not encounter any toxicity. We are very mature and respect each other’s privacy. Everyone who knows about our relationship can simply describe it as being perfect, and I would personally think that’s not far from being so. My confession is I met her when I was pretty young and it wasn’t very hard to get her to love me because our chemistry was just flowing.”(laughs)

KAYLA: Oh my god.

(45:00)

SARAH: Jesus Christ. “That being said, I had little to no exes” Yeah you were 14 “and suddenly jumped into a perfect girl with no playing around. I know some may hate me for saying this because I have a perfect girlfriend, but I wish I was single and ready to mingle whenever. I would say I’m an attractive guy and I really stand out to so many other guys” I think they mean compared to other guys.

KAYLA: Maybe they’re gay.

SARAH: Maybe! “But I never really got to test my skills in picking up other girls. I tried dating apps and I admit to myself that was a pretty fun experience. At one point my Snapchat was filled with females” red flag, red flag, red flag, “wanting to meet me, although it may seem that I’m already cheating, I truly had no intention to meet anyone and soon after I deleted the app and all the girls” He deleted those women. “In conclusion-” (laughs)

KAYLA: Bye!

SARAH: “In conclusion I would like to know if I’m a weird person for this or if this is normal in any way shape or form.” I think it got worse as it went. 

KAYLA: It did, but I also don’t think that it’s weird or an unnatural feeling at all.

SARAH: No I don’t think the feeling is weird or unnatural. I’m a little confused about why they got on dating apps? Did the girlfriend know about that? If the girlfriend knew about it then that’s fine.

KAYLA: Yeah.

SARAH: Do you have an open relationship? I guess they probably don’t have an open relationship if they said they miss the feeling of searching for, you know?

KAYLA: I mean I think a solution could be an open relationship, but if the girlfriend doesn’t want that then obviously that’s not gonna work.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: I will be honest, I have thought about this before. Of because I’m a serial monogamist, I — Okay and this sounds really bad — 

SARAH: (guttural hiss into a laugh) I am ready, I already insulted all the 17-year-olds, it's fine.

KAYLA: Oh no it’s just it’s very conceited. There was a time before me and Dean started dating that I was single and I had several people ask me out in a relatively short period of time and I was feeling like-

SARAH: A hot commodity.

KAYLA: -hot shit. Yes, I was feeling like hot shit because when I was younger and in highschool, I was in my ugly years, no one liked me, so I’m like okay she’s doing something.

SARAH: Uggo!

KAYLA: But because I’m a serial monogamist, I’ve not had many times of like being single, playing the field. Also because I’m demi. So I understand this feeling of being like - in my — the reason that I want it is I want times of people having crushes on me, is personally-

SARAH: Kayla wants to be doted upon.

KAYLA: I— Okay it sounds really bad, but yes I do.

SARAH: (laughs) don’t we all, don’t we all?

KAYLA: But I do understand the feeling. And I also understand the feeling of like it’s tough sometimes being in a long term relationship because like, the relationship changes, the feeling of love changes and it’s no longer- it’s more of a serious love and no longer a puppy love, and sometimes I think you do miss the early stages of like falling in love with someone.

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Or the excitement of having a crush or like courting someone.

SARAH: Especially when you’re so young.

KAYLA: Like I’ve definitely felt that. Yeah especially when you’re young and it's supposed to be — or not supposed to be but — when it's the most natural time to be doing that I guess.

SARAH: Yeah. Yeah and I think… it’s a — sorry I got distracted again by the “it wasn’t hard to get her to love me because our chemistry was just flowing” (laughs)

KAYLA: Very funny!

SARAH: Also the comment- the top comment-

KAYLA: I’m distracted by “we both live in a country” (laughs)

SARAH: Well okay the top comment “Quote ‘she lives in a country and so do I’” and the person just said “good”.

KAYLA: I’m getting that tattooed on me. 

SARAH: She lives in a country and so do I. (laughs)

KAYLA: That is poetry.

SARAH: I don’t know, I think it’s like… As a person who has no interest in dating, I think it sounds awful. I think that dating around sounds horrible, but I still get it. Like I get where this person is coming from. If you’ve been in a long term relationship with someone since you were 14, like that’s a time of great growth and change in your life and-

KAYLA: Mhm

SARAH: I don’t- like it would be- it would be incorrect to say that being in a relationship automatically makes you bogged down at that time because that’s not necessarily true, but I can understand feeling that way sometimes even if you do have a healthy relationship.

KAYLA: Yeah I think there’s just pros and cons. Pro: you’re in a great relationship, Con: you maybe miss out on this big part of life that you expected to go through, or that like other people are going through. 

SARAH: Mhm.

KAYLA: Which like, if you stay with this person forever you might never get to do that.

(50:00)

SARAH: Well it’s like, you know, if you end up getting married and stay together forever, maybe that’ll be a nice thing to you, but maybe you stay together for 5-6-7 years and then you break up and then you’re like what did I do with my youth, you know?

KAYLA: Yeah, but I also don’t like thinking about it that way because I do think every relationship is like a learning experience.

SARAH: I do, I think it’s definitely- I understand that a lot more if it was an abusive relationship or looking back you were like that wasn’t the right choice, but I agree, you live and you learn.

KAYLA: Yeah I don’t think this kid is wrong for feeling it. If he went on dating apps without her knowing I definitely think that's weird.

SARAH: Yeah. Also he seems a bit full of himself.

KAYLA: Uh yes. But it wasn’t hard to make her fall in love with him so what are you supposed to do about it?

SARAH: And at one point his Snapchats was filled with females wanting to meet with him.

KAYLA: So you’re saying he is full of himself, meanwhile I’m over here like “pwease someone have a crush on me pwease”

SARAH: uwu~

KAYLA: And that’s totally fine so… uwu have a cwush on me.

SARAH: uwu. Alright that’s it.

KAYLA: Okay!

SARAH: Okay! Our poll for this week is gonna be about the nonbinary- pretending to be nonbinary when you’re a cis woman in an online game. We could be like “yes, no, it’s complicated” I feel like a lot of people are going to say it's complicated, but you know what, sometimes when we do that people surprise us. And you know what? Last week people really thought the ghosts were super aspec-

KAYLA: I was really surprised.

SARAH: -moreso than the vampires. I don’t have an issue with ghosts being aspec, I mean, I, myself, said that they gave off aspec vibes, but it was shocking to me how much of a landslide victory it was, even though I talked about garlic for ten minutes.

KAYLA: We barely even talked about ghosts. It was very interesting.

SARAH: Anyway. Do we wanna do yes, no, it’s complicated?

KAYLA: Yeah, one second.

SARAH: Okay. Alright, cool so that’s our poll for this week. Kayla, what is your beef and your juice this week?

KAYLA: Uh my beef is when people have poor communication skills. It just gets so frustr- I think the worst part of being a human is often interfacing with other humans.

SARAH: Oh absolutely.

KAYLA: Because we’re very stupid and we don’t say what we mean because polite or whatever and its just like ugghhhhhhh.

SARAH: We’re incompetent.

KAYLA: We really are.

SARAH: We are careless. You know.

KAYLA: Uh huh. 

SARAH: Yeah.

KAYLA: Another beef is ever since I came back from um music festival, one of my toes, I don’t think has full feeling?

SARAH: Oh… 

(laughing)

KAYLA: I can’t really tell what’s going on with it, but the pointer toe on my left foot...

SARAH: Pointer toe? Oh like if it- like not your big toe.

KAYLA: Like if it was my pointer finger.

SARAH: Your - your index toe (laughs).

KAYLA: It’s a pointer finger okay.

SARAH: I call it an index finger.

KAYLA: Well aren’t you just a fancy lad.

SARAH: Why...

KAYLA: My POINTER toe, it’s just the tip of it when I walk feels different and when I touch it, it doesn’t feel feelings as much as the other tips do-

(laughing)

KAYLA: I don’t know what I did!

SARAH: This is why people listen to our podcast. This right here.

KAYLA: If you’re a doctor… I have so many doctors in my family I could ask, but I’m asking y’all instead.

SARAH: Myy… my beef and my juice-

KAYLA: No! I haven’t done my juice yet.

SARAH: Oh right, sorry. You just did two things, and usually you don’t do more than one.

KAYLA: I had a lot to say about my toe (laughs). Um, one of my juices is music festival. I went to Outside Lands and I got to dress up because it was Halloween and I saw Lizzo and I did cry about it, thank you for asking. 

SARAH: Lizzo! Teach me about big girl coochie, last time I got freaky the FCC sued me.

KAYLA: Yes. She sang Into the Thick of It and she also made a Tiktok and also came out as Squid Games.

SARAH: I thought you were going to say she came out. Also you can’t come out as Squid Games. Kayla texted me and she was like “Lizzo dressed as Squid Games”

(55:00)

KAYLA: But she did.

SARAH: You just said “Lizzo did Squid Games”.

KAYLA: She did!

SARAH: What the fuck- 

KAYLA: She dressed-

SARAH: -so she murdered everyone in her audience?! (laughs)

KAYLA: She was dressed as the dolls and her backup dancers had like the suits on.

(55:00)

SARAH: So if she really did Squid Game. If she was dressed as the doll, then anyone in the audience who moved would’ve been sniped. Spoilers, but it's only for the first game so, sorry.

KAYLA: Okay. Anyway so Lizzo DID DO Squid Games and-

SARAH: Why do you keep saying it plural?!

KAYLA: Because it’s funny. And Tame Impala dressed as the Wiggles and…  

SARAH: Fruit salad yummy yummy.

KAYLA: They did not sing that which is a shame.

SARAH: What’s the point?

KAYLA: I know, that’s what I said. Now you can go.

SARAH: Okay, my beef and my juice… um I’ve been back in the office at work, which has been nice seeing the other assistant, but everything else has been bad. (laughs)

KAYLA: We’re recording this so late at night.

SARAH: Yeah I had to try and fix the office dishwasher today. My uhh- my juice is ummm…(pause)I already said juice, I said seeing people. That’s good, everything is fine.

KAYLA: Mhm.

SARAH: You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your seeing people, your dishwasher problems — why does- why does — another beef — why does my office have so many screwdriver that are the flathead but there are like 5 flathead screwdriver and one philips. Explain?

KAYLA: No.

SARAH: Okay sorry. Alright. You can tell us about your things- the things? On our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Um AH! We have a new $2 patron it’s Ollie Kaye. Thank you!

KAYLA: Welcome!

SARAH: Our $5 patrons who are promoting something this week are: Jolly Lizbert, Mary S., and Brandon Smith. Thank you to all of you and no thank you to the airplane that just flew by me. Um, our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are: Ari K. who’d like to promote Thought Slime- ththtthhtought. Ffffff- thought slime, Mattie who’d like to promote Gender euphoria, and Derek and Carissa would like to promote the overthrow of heteronormativity and do so in support of: Melody, the Hamster (menacing voice)- who is scheming to do just that~. Our other… What are these? Who am I? Our other $10 patrons are: Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Anonymous, My Aunt Jeannie, Cass, Doug Rice, H. Valdís, Barefoot Backpacker, The Steve, Khadir, Potater, Changeling MX, DAVID JAY, The Stubby Tech, Simona Sajmon, Rosie Costello, Hector Murillo, Jay, and David Nurse. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, my mom Julie who’d like to promote Free Mom Hugs, Sara Jones who’s @eternalloli everywhere, Martin Chiesel who’d like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One Is, Leila who’d like to promote “Love is love” also applying to aro people, Shrubbery who’d like to promote The Planet Earth, Sherronda J Brown who’d like to support Bogey screaming, Maggie Capalbo who’d like to promote their dogs Minnie, Leia, and Loki, Andrew Hillum who’d like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who’d like to promote um I think we’ve decided that she’s promoting her documentary now (laughs) We’ve decided for her.

KAYLA: Mhm just deciding.

SARAH: And Dragonfly who would like to promote eating a single kernel of corn. Our $20 patrons are Sarah T who’d like to promote long walks outside and HomHomofSpades who’d like to promote getting enough vitamin D while you’re eating your single kernel of corn. Thanks-


KAYLA: I have a last minute beef.

SARAH: Yeah?

KAYLA: It’s Chris Pratt’s recent Instagram post. It’s terrible.

SARAH: I um. I’ve gotta go. Thanks for listening! Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.

KAYLA: And until then take good care of your cows.

SARAH: Sorry to leave you on that note. Think about really fluffy highland cows.

KAYLA: Mhm.

SARAH: Good? Good. Okay.

(58:37)