Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 318: Public Displays of Affection
This week we're talking all about PDA and just how much Sarah hates it no matter what. Also please write Vote FWD letters with Sarah or else she'll cry and think you hate democracy.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/public-displays-of-affection
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SARAH: Hey what's up hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, (that's me Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, public displays of affection
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod. I'm so glad all of you hate democracy.
KAYLA: Huh? What?
SARAH: Everyone hates democracy.
KAYLA: Oh, there's no one writing letters with you.
SARAH: There's one person who has shown up as like, they've signed up, but they haven't like adopted anyone yet, which could be because they're a new person, because you have to get approved, like it takes a lot for them to approve you
KAYLA: Okay, it makes sense
SARAH: But I'm, I raised, I raised the limit of the letters because I was feeling confident, and then I took it back down because you all hate democracy.
KAYLA: Wow
SARAH: And I, I alone have done 73% of the goal.
KAYLA: You guys.
SARAH: Pod mom is not mad. She's just disappointed.
KAYLA: Disappointed.
SARAH: You're embarrassing too, Kayla. Where's your letter writing?
KAYLA: My letter writing is where all of the other things that I've been supposed to do for the past couple weeks are, which is in a pile on the floor. Did you catch it?
SARAH: I don't think so.
KAYLA: Sarah's trying to grab a bug in one hand.
SARAH: Sometimes it works.
KAYLA: Sometimes, I did it. I've done it.
SARAH: Earlier before we were on, I squished a bug just with my hand, so
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Because they're like the really tiny slow ones.
KAYLA: Yeah. Anyway.
SARAH: Anyway, if you're an American, a US American, write letters with me, or else you hate democracy.
KAYLA: Yeah, I've heard that. Mm-hmm
SARAH: And that's that. Do we have any other housekeeping? Yes, we do have more housekeeping.
KAYLA: Huzzah!
SARAH: Huzzah! There is a short film. It is called Aromcom. Aromcom. Aromcom
KAYLA: Exactly.
SARAH: Nailed that.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: So, they have a crowdfunding campaign going through October 20th on Seed&Spark, we will link the link. And they have a non-profit fiscal sponsor from the Heart Productions, which means that for our US American friends, the ones who hate democracy, and maybe the ones who like democracy too, any contributions are tax deductible. So, slay.
KAYLA: Ooh. Very fancy.
SARAH: So, if you'd like to support aspec films, that would be slay. Let us tell you about it. The writer actually sent us the script, and I am excited to read it, I haven't read it yet, but I will. Do you get the script? No, I'm special.
KAYLA: Exclusive content. But if you give them money, then they can make it, and then you'll see the script played out in front of you.
SARAH: Exactly. So, it's an upcoming short film. It's about a platonic meet-cute. They're trying to film in January in the DC area, and have it completed by next June. I was gonna say, oh, January in DC, not the greatest weather, but then I thought about where the film takes place. That's fine. Because it's about these people who are stranded in a small Icelandic town during a winter storm.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Therefore, January in DC is fine.
KAYLA: Perfect.
SARAH: And a nosy woman develops a squish on the badass aloof owner of a found GoPro, but that person starts to open up once they discover they're both on the asexual and aromantic spectrums. And so, it's like a little platonic meet-cute
KAYLA: That’s so sweet.
SARAH: In Iceland with a GoPro.
KAYLA: What more could you want?
SARAH: What more could you want? And part of the reason that they wanted to make this particular film is because, you know, rom-coms are such a source of amatonormative pressure about like getting your happy ending and that sort of thing, and aspec people feeling broken because they don't feel like they're capable of achieving those things. But the heart of this film is like, it's a wishful film story where like these two characters have this connection and they're able to continue on their merry way while being aspec and, you know, getting there happily ever after in a rom-com way. Puns.
KAYLA: Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
SARAH: It's called Aromcom. It was written by Katrina Jackson. You can find more information about it at the link in our description. But if you would like to donate a bit of money, that would be delightful. Their goal is $10,000 as I'm looking at it right now, they're at like $4,500.
KAYLA: Okay, we can do this.
SARAH: Not bad. But there's so much information that they have like a little deck and it also shows like the budget and where money is going to. So, like you can know like they're not embezzling.
KAYLA: So helpful. Great, excellent stuff.
SARAH: And before you look at this and say craft services, you're putting our money towards craft services. Yeah, that's how filmmaking... You have to feed the people.
KAYLA: You have to feed the people.
SARAH: That’s how filmmaking works.
KAYLA: You have to feed them
SARAH: If they're starving, you don't have a movie.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: But yeah, it's very exciting. Super fun little times. And in the little deck that they sent us, one of the first images is of Saoirse Ronan, which is extremely aspec
KAYLA: I mean, we all know. We all know that
SARAH: So, it's seed&spark.com/fund/aromcom#story. But we'll link it if you don't want to try and remember that.
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Um, but yes, it's very exciting. We love to support aspec media in this house, so.
KAYLA: Yes, yes, yes.
SARAH: Yes, yes, yes. They're also on the social meeds, the social meeds @AromcomFilm, so.
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: Slay. Um, so check it out. And that's it.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Yeeeaaaaaah.
KAYLA: Hannah Montana transition music…. I recently, I forget which friend it was, but we were playing just the YouTube video that's all the clips.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And I… my friend could tell which season like which audio was from, I was like, wow, that's really something.
SARAH: It's like that guy on TikTok who can name the Elphaba just by their…
KAYLA: Yes, that’s so wild I saw him.
SARAH: He has done like multiple parts of that video.
KAYLA: I love it for him.
SARAH: That's wild.
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Because on some of them he was able to identify which performance it was.
KAYLA: Now that's concerning.
SARAH: He was he was like, oh, like, this was her last performance on Broadway or like…
KAYLA: Girl
SARAH: Or like, there was one where it took him longer to figure it out. And he was like, oh, this is a new alphabet, right? Like, this is like a
KAYLA: Oh, my God.
SARAH: And to be clear, they're not all Broadway Elphabas.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Some of them were touring Elphabas. And like…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And he just knew all of them.
KAYLA: That's so wild. What an amount of dedication.
SARAH: Truly. Anyway, um, Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, we're talking about good old-fashioned PDA.
SARAH: Something that Elphaba would hate.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: Um, Elphaba at the beginning of the musical would certainly hate it.
KAYLA: I don't think that at the end, though.
SARAH: Well, I'm thinking about the beginning.
KAYLA: Okay. Anyway, public display of affection.
SARAH: Kayla?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: What's a public display of affection?
KAYLA: Um
SARAH: And why?
KAYLA: Well, it's exactly what it sounds like, Sarah. It's a physical display of affection in a public place. Here's some… here... well, the reason I thought of this… of this topic, actually today is, A, I knew Sarah will get really riled up about it. And we were having trouble figuring out what to do for an episode. And I was like, we can…
SARAH: I came… I came up with like three very bad, unusable episode ideas
KAYLA: Yeah, which is huge
SARAH: So, jot that down.
KAYLA: Yeah. Um, but I was listening to the podcast I mentioned last week, ‘Hey, Riddle, Riddle’ and they did an episode where they were pretending to be relationship experts. And they were just being very silly. And they were talking about one of the fake questions was about PDA. And one of the guys was like, “Oh, I love PDA, I think it's best when you're standing in line at Cedar Point, and you put your hand in your girlfriend's back pocket and just kind of stand there.”
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: And I was like, Oh, that's such a specific and true…
SARAH: There’s nothing like a theme park line PDA, it's so specific and it’s so visceral
KAYLA: And that's what they were talking about. They were like, yeah…
SARAH: Did they specifically say Cedar Point?
KAYLA: Yes. Yeah. Because they're all like Chicago-based.
SARAH: Oh, amazing.
KAYLA: So, they're just like Midwest people. But I was, it really got me thinking about a theme park PDA because it is such a specific brand of PDA.
SARAH: Yeah, it really is.
KAYLA: So that's what got me thinking about it. But in general, PDA is any public display of affection. So it could be, I guess, as simple as like holding hands in public all the way up to fully making out, doing it, doing it, basically sex. Some people really, some people really.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Public indecency.
KAYLA: Yeah, some people really, I think, skirt the line. Perhaps.
SARAH: Yeah, they said, I'm an exhibitionist and none of you consented to this.
KAYLA: Oopsie.
SARAH: Oops. I think it's probably clear to you all that I'm not a big fan of PDA. I think we should give the intro but I want to talk about this later. I want to intro my hatred of PDA first. But I'm going to forget it. So, Kayla, what I want to talk about is PDA at the gym.
KAYLA: At the gym?
SARAH: I'm going to preview that for you all.
KAYLA: People do that?
SARAH: We'll get there.
KAYLA: Okay, I didn't know that's something we were doing.
SARAH: That's one of the only places I go these days where I see other people.
KAYLA: I just didn't know we were doing that.
SARAH: Okay, let's start out with my hatred of PDA. I hate it. And that's not just because I'm aspec, that's because I'm Irish Catholic.
KAYLA: I see, I see.
SARAH: And you know what the Irish Catholics hate?
KAYLA: Affection
SARAH: Any display of affection.
KAYLA: Yes, yeah, that's true. That's true.
SARAH: When my sister and her now wife started dating, my sister had to explain to my sister-in-law that just because she doesn't necessarily want to hold hands with her in public all the time doesn't mean she doesn't like her.
KAYLA: Oop. Uh oh
SARAH: It just means she's uncomfortable with it.
KAYLA: That is very silly.
SARAH: If you're Irish Catholic, you get it. You don't even have to… And it's not even about being like a practicing Catholic, it's about being culturally Catholic.
KAYLA: It's the culture, yeah, for sure.
SARAH: Yeah. I am kind of curious about what other cultures are like this.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Obviously not the fucking Italians.
KAYLA: No, they are all kissing all the time. Always kissing.
SARAH: I have some cousins who they're on my Irish Catholic family side. Who their other side of the family is very Italian.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: And so, I remember one time my cousin was leaving saying goodbye and without thinking she did the kiss-kiss thing. And then she was like, “I'm sorry. This is the wrong…”
KAYLA: This is the wrong family.
SARAH: “Wrong family for that.”
KAYLA: That's so funny.
SARAH: She was like, that was weird, I'm sorry. So, clearly some very different worlds there.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Technically, do I have some Italian-American in me? Yes. Culturally? Not at all.
KAYLA: No, yeah
SARAH: So…
KAYLA: That's the thing too. Is like I also have Italian in me, but I think my Polish side probably affects me more culturally in those ways. So yeah, my family and extended family isn't like... I'd say more my extended family isn't overly affectionate, I don't know.
SARAH: And I think the fact that our first introduction here is in the context of our families is relevant and that PDA does not have to be a romantic thing.
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: It is generally thought of as a romantic thing and that's the first thing you think of. That's how it's interpreted. But it absolutely does not have to be. And I have way more of an issue with romantic PDA than non-romantic PDA.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If you want to hold hands with your friend, okay.
KAYLA: You don't like couples holding hands?
SARAH: Not if they're straight.
KAYLA: Interesting. See, because to me, I don't have as much of a problem with PDA as you do.
SARAH: I'm just like, oh, I get it.
KAYLA: That is funny. To me, when PDA gets to me is when it is either physically close to me because then the times that it sometimes bothers me is if I am in an intimate friend setting with a group of friends and there's some couples in the group and they start doing PDA while we're all in a small group. That will make me a bit uncomfortable because then it's like, where am I supposed to look? Like I don't want to look at you doing this, that feels like a private moment. Like I often struggle with people having very private moments in small public spaces because then I'm like, I feel excluded. And also, where am I supposed to look? And this seems like a personal moment and I should look away. Like that makes me uncomfortable. And also, when it's strangers physically close to me because then I'm like, I don't want to be peeping on these strangers but also, you're right next to me, like where am I supposed to be looking?
SARAH: Yeah. I don't really have that much of an issue with people holding hands. But I agree that if I'm in a group of people and there's a couple and they're PDAing even if they're just holding hands, I'm like, do that on your own time. Like if I see a couple out and about by themselves holding hands, I'm like, okay, sure, that's fine. But if they're in a group, I'm like, what are you doing?
KAYLA: See, yeah, I think to me it has to be a bit more escalated than holding hands to bother me. What often bothers me, I don't even know if this counts as PDA, but what really bothers me is when couples start whispering to each other when they're in groups of friends and having little giggle time.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And I'm like, why are you having a conversation…
SARAH: If you have something to say, say it to the class.
KAYLA: That's what I'm saying. We're all hanging out as a group and all of a sudden, you're just whispering each other's ear and I'm like, go away then. That makes me upset.
SARAH: Get a room.
KAYLA: It's just like, it's too much. That will just, I don't know. Because I don't even want to say it's a bad thing. I don't know. It just makes me personally uncomfortable because then I'm like, well, what am I supposed to do right now if you're having giggle time over there?
SARAH: Yeah, what's up with the giggle time? Yeah, I think for me a lot of it is like, I just like, I don't know where to look. I don't know how to engage with it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like I want to pretend it's not there, but depending on the context I may or may not be able to do that.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair.
SARAH: I'm just like, why are you making me part of your relationship?
KAYLA: That's funny. Yeah, I don't know. I don’t think I… For me, I think the point at which I get uncomfortable is just like a higher, like more has to be happening than for you, you know?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But I also, I don't know. Yeah, so like the physical proximity is a lot. And then also just the intensity of what you are doing. Like the other day I was at the Big E, which is New England's collective state fair. Like the states are small, so they all have to share one, I don't fucking know. Yeah, it was fun though.
SARAH: The region fair.
KAYLA: The region fair. We were like just walking down the, you know, the little whatever. And there was, you know, all the food stands… Sure. And I look over, I'm like looking at the food stalls or whatever, and I see this couple and they're just like hanging on each other, like making out. And I'm like, like open mouth, so much tongue. And I'm like, I was like, okay.
SARAH: This isn't a high school hallway.
KAYLA: They definitely looked like high school-ish college age. So, I was like, I'm not surprised. But then the man grabbed the woman's neck and like pulled her in to continue making out. And I was like, that is private.
SARAH: I'll be honest. I thought you were going to say ass. And so, when you said neck, it wasn't as bad as I expected just because I was expecting ass.
KAYLA: I think I would have preferred ass. It's the ass.
SARAH: I don’t know
KAYLA: To me, I don't know. Maybe I'm reading too much spicy content. But to me, I'm like, grabbing someone's neck is a private endeavor that I love for you. That seems great for you. But I don't think we should be doing that at the fair.
SARAH: Don't grab someone's neck in front of an audience. Don't you dare.
KAYLA: I’m just saying, like, it was like, there's children, you know, and we're like choking each other. It's like, maybe we shouldn't.
SARAH: Oh, that's funny.
KAYLA: Like again, love that for you in private. But like, but you know what I will say? The girl was wearing like dark lipstick and it wasn't getting anywhere.
SARAH: That’s dangerous
KAYLA: So, I was like, that's great for you. I guess. Good lipstick… Fine. Because it was wet. The kissing was wet. So, I was like, that's impressive at least. But the fact that I could see all that and have those thoughts is like…
SARAH: Yeah, that’s too much
KAYLA: I shouldn't have been able to be like, Oh, her lipstick. Yeah. So, I didn't like that.
SARAH: Yeah. I feel like, like in certain contexts, like if it's in like the TV or in the movies, it's like, oh, this is a rom-com moment. That's cute.
KAYLA: Well, that's because you know, you're supposed to be looking at it.
SARAH: Right. Like I'm thinking, okay, you know, in ‘10 Things I Hate About You,’ how at… what is it prom? It's prom, where at the end they do the whole makeup and then they smooch.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I'm like, Oh, that's so cute. Wow. Great movie. Good movie. But if I were personally at prom and someone started smooching in front of me, I would want to dump a bucket of water on their heads.
KAYLA: See, that's interesting to me because I think if I saw people smooching at the prom specifically, it wouldn't bother me as much because I expect that to happen at the prom.
SARAH: You can do a brief little peck smooch. That's okay. I will accept that.
KAYLA: Okay. Interesting.
[00:20:00]
SARAH: But you, you can, you cannot be just making out on the dance floor.
KAYLA: Okay. Interesting.
SARAH: It's already, it's already scarring enough. I don't know… I don't know how the kids dance these days.
KAYLA: Probably not any better than when we were children.
SARAH: But in my youth, just a classic grinding was the real…
KAYLA: Oh, yeah
SARAH: The real deal, which the good thing about that is you can't really kiss while you're doing it, at least not easily.
KAYLA: I will say that when the, when you see it, when people are kissing while grinding, it makes it's disturbing.
SARAH: Yeah. It's like, it's got to be tough on your neck.
KAYLA: The bending of the neck. I will say though, I don't think I'm as bothered by PDA in settings like that because I, like, expect it to be there. And so like, I don't feel as weird about like, looking at it and being like, where am I supposed to look? Because it's kind of like, well, that's what I walked into this expecting to happen.
SARAH: Yeah. I think in that scenario, maybe it's best if you just stare at them and you wait for them to notice.
KAYLA: I'm not going to do that.
SARAH: And then you keep staring and you make them really uncomfortable.
KAYLA: I’m not gonna do that
SARAH: I'm like, dude, what are you doing? And you're like, what are you doing?
KAYLA: I'm not going to do that. You know what? I think the types of PDA that I am most uncomfortable with comes from youths. I think that teenagers have a specific brand of PDA that is like...
SARAH: It's because they have nowhere to go privately.
KAYLA: Yes. Yes. No, you're right. And like, that's 1000% it is that they're either at school or at their parents' houses or out in the world on a date or whatever. And so that's where they can get their smooching in. So, I'm like, I get it. It's just like, there is nothing like teen PDA. It is such a specific entity.
SARAH: Yes. It's yunky.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Let's talk about PDA at the gym.
KAYLA: Okay. Tell me about this, because I haven't gone to a gym in a while. So maybe this is like, is this new since I've been a regular gym attendee?
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I think this is certainly in part because the time that I go to the gym is often during like peak gym busy time, which sucks, but it is what I must do.
KAYLA: Indeed
SARAH: And… because there's like couples who go to the gym together.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: And whenever I see them, I'm like, okay.
KAYLA: So, okay. So, let's start here.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: A couple, me and Dean go to the gym together. No PDA involved. Thoughts? Is that allowed?
SARAH: Yeah, that's fine. Although I probably will judge whether you're doing the same exercises or not.
KAYLA: What do you mean?
SARAH: Well, just because like sometimes like you'll see a couple who like, they go to the gym and they do all the same stuff as each other and they just like switch off. And then sometimes you'll see a couple at the gym and like, they go off and they like do their own thing and then they like meet up and then they go do their own thing and they meet up and I'm like, I'm just going to judge what you do.
KAYLA: So, which is your preferred way of doing, which one is less judged?
SARAH: Well, here's the thing. I would say in general, less judgment for doing the same exorcisms. Because I think the thing about doing different exorcisms is I always just get mad because like the… because it's always hetero people, because if it's, if it's not hetero people, it's kind of hard to be like, that's a couple for sure.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, the girl is always like doing, like it oftentimes seems like the girl is just there to spend time with her boyfriend, not actually to like exercise. And I'm like, some of us are here for exorcism
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: And you're taking up precious space.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: This is Sarah from the future, I also want to note that that specifically pisses me off because you know that most guys aren't going to the places their girlfriends go to just to spend time with them. Like the girl has to do it to spend time with the guy rather than them finding something to do together, you know?
I'm happy for you for bonding or whatever, but I'm like, girl, why are you doing two jumping jacks and he's lifting 500 pounds? It just pisses me off.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: I'm like, you lift 500 pounds. You are strong girl.
KAYLA: I mean, if what you're saying is accurate that they're just doing two jumping jacks and then standing around, I agree. But I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing because I think exercise is good for people. And so, if that's the way that's going to like get you to move your body, then it’s a good motivation
SARAH: You're right. I think I just get mad when women are not reaching their full athletic potential.
KAYLA: That's okay. I can see that for you.
SARAH: Because if it feels like they're doing it because they think that they have to exist in a certain way to be a woman, like that's kind of what it is.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. No, I get that. Yeah, I get that. Because I don’t… like… I don't know.
SARAH: Because if you and your boyfriend are both lifting and getting strong, cool. But if your boyfriend is here to like super-duper lift and you're just like, you don't want to do that because you don't want to get too muscly because you think you're a girl and you're not supposed to, that pisses me off.
KAYLA: Okay, interesting.
SARAH: And I feel like a lot of times I am just jumping to conclusions. Which is…
KAYLA: I think you might be.
SARAH: My fault, but...
KAYLA: Because like if I… like the only way I exercise at this point is if I sign up for a class and I have motivation or I go with someone to the gym.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like I need a gym buddy. And so, like thinking about if I were to go to the gym with Dean, he would probably do his regular lift exercises or whatever, and I would probably do mostly cardio, especially right now because of my back lifting things just like is not good for me. So, you would probably look at that and be like, she is not reaching her full potential. She's just following around her gym boyfriend. But really, I'm just unwell.
SARAH: I'm too judgmental. I get it.
KAYLA: Okay, I'm just saying.
SARAH: But I will say part of me wants to be like, oh, I judge you less if you're doing the same exorcisms. But the problem is that you're more likely to see a gym PDA if they're doing the same exorcisms.
KAYLA: Yeah, I can see that.
SARAH: Because then they're standing next to their machine and then they're getting all up in each other's space. And I'm like, this is the gym. This is a place for athletics and health. Why are you cuddling by the chest press machine?
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel so gross and unwell when I work out. Like I just can't really fathom why you would…
SARAH: Like what is romantic about a very full Planet Fitness at 8:15 PM on a weekday?
KAYLA: Yeah, I think it would make more sense to me if the gym was emptier and it was just like a chiller time and there was just more time to use machines for longer and the vibes or whatever. But yeah, especially if it's busy and there's a lot of people waiting to use machines. Like what are we doing here?
SARAH: Yeah. And I'm just like, if you want to cuddle, do it at your own house. Don't do it at the chest press machine, I'd like to use it.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: Please move.
KAYLA: Is there anywhere, any location too that is acceptable for PDA?
SARAH: If the P in public becomes the P in private.
KAYLA: So, it's never, there's not a single setting? There's nothing to you that's okay.
SARAH: I wouldn't prefer it. You know what's acceptable?
KAYLA: A wedding.
SARAH: A wedding, specifically.
KAYLA: When they do the kiss.
SARAH: That's allowed, but not too much because then it's a weird… then it’s weird
KAYLA: I will agree with that. Sometimes the kissing I'm like, well, now we're just making out in front of grandma.
SARAH: You're literally just kissing for... like you're making out for an audience, that's a little funky.
KAYLA: I fear your standards of PDA might be a bit unrealistic.
SARAH: I just don't like it.
KAYLA: I know I can tell.
SARAH: Please psychoanalyze me. Why?
KAYLA: I mean, do you think… I know we talked at the very beginning. Like it's not that you're aspec, it's that you're Irish Catholic. But do you think if you weren't aspec, it wouldn't bother you as much?
SARAH: Possibly. I think I would still be not at all interested in participating in it myself.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I think it might bother me. Especially because if you're making out with someone on the street, I don't care if you're gay, I don't want to see that.
KAYLA: Huh
SARAH: But like hetero PDA for some reason pisses me off more than queer PDA.
KAYLA: No, I think that makes... I can see that.
SARAH: And I think it's partially because sometimes it becomes indicative of a power dynamic. And I'm like, why am I looking at your power dynamic right now? Like that's weird.
KAYLA: Yeah
[00:30:00]
SARAH: But also, I think it's just like, I see this shit all the time. This shit is everywhere. This shit is in the media. This shit is in all the places. I don't want to see it when I'm outside of a Kohl's. I don't ever go to Kohl's, but if I were to go to Kohl's, I wouldn't want to see it outside or inside.
KAYLA: That's fair. I think that makes sense.
SARAH: I want to use my fucking Kohl's cash and get out of here.
KAYLA: The Kohl's cash.
SARAH: I don't even know where the nearest Kohl's is.
KAYLA: Me either.
SARAH: But yeah, I think it pisses me off more when it's straight people. And I think that is certainly, I think, related to my queerness as a person. And so, I think that me not liking it... I'm sure there is some connection because I'm just like, we get it, you're an allo, you have relationship.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I get it. You don't need to shove it in my face. I'm like those conservatives when there's one single gay couple in…
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: In a TV show where they're like, you don't need to shove it down my throat. That's how I feel about straight people kissing in public.
KAYLA: I do think it makes sense, though. Like, as an… as an aspec person, especially who doesn't date like, you are so surrounded by that culture still, just because of the media and just the way our culture is, that it makes sense that then it would just compound it if you can't even go to the gym without seeing that. It's like, well, then I just can't escape it. Like, that makes sense to me.
SARAH: Like, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get swole so that I can throw my K-pop biases across the room. And you're ruining that.
Sarah from the future. This literally does not matter. But I meant to say bias wreckers. And I need you all to know that.
KAYLA: Yes, of course.
SARAH: Although I did have a weird delulu dream last night. And I was like, what is happening?
KAYLA: Oh, no. Oh, no
SARAH: I was like, why are you telling me that you want to get a guinea pig?
KAYLA: No delulu in public. No public displays of delulu.
SARAH: And this was the second time it's happened somewhat recently. And I was like, what? I feel the need to repent for this.
KAYLA: Ma’am
SARAH: I don't like it.
KAYLA: Oh, no, no, no.
SARAH: So, I don't know what's going on there.
KAYLA: What are your thoughts about public displays of affection in the airport? Is that allowed?
SARAH: If you're like saying goodbye or saying hello.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I will allow some. Not if you're waiting at your fucking gate.
KAYLA: Okay, I meant like saying goodbye and hello.
SARAH: Like, I don't want to see you dry humping at your gate.
KAYLA: Good Lord
SARAH: But I'm just saying I don't want to see it. I mean, that's, I feel like that's a situation where it might be acceptable. Don't be making out at arrivals.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Make out at home.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Make out in the car only if you have very darkened windows.
KAYLA: Oh, interesting. Interesting.
SARAH: You know, where are other places that PDA happens? Movie theater, get the fuck out.
KAYLA: You don't like that? I mean…
SARAH: I'm here… I'm here to watch a film.
KAYLA: That's fair. I guess if it's far away from me and I can't tell it's happening then I don't care because I don't know if it's happening, but yeah
SARAH: If I don't know if it's happening, then I don't know what's happening.
KAYLA: But yeah, I guess if it's right next to me, I'd be like, shh, hush.
SARAH: Or like how like movie theaters now have that thing where they're like, we have cuddle chairs. And I'm like, no, don’t touch me
KAYLA: See, I want a cuddle chair just for me, because I like a giant chair. So, I just, I want that just one cuddle chair each.
SARAH: Get, get two tickets.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Pay $50.
KAYLA: Yep. Exactly.
SARAH: Yeah. I'm just like, don't encourage this shit. I'm like, what are you, what's wrong with you?
KAYLA: Sarah, they're just trying to get people to the movies. It's a dying industry.
SARAH: Let us all have recliners. It's fine. Oh, what other places?
KAYLA: I mean, to me, like a dance, a club is like expected to me.
SARAH: Well, a club isn't the best place to find a lover. So, the bar is where I go.
KAYLA: Yeah. I will say though, there's this club that we go to sometimes.
SARAH: You just let that happen.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, sometimes Sarah, you just say things and I like, we just have to keep it moving. You know what I mean?
SARAH: Did you know what I was referencing or were you just let it? Okay.
KAYLA: Ed Sheeran.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Edward Sheeran. I'm aware. It's just like, what do I, like, there's nothing to say to that, you know? And so, we move.
SARAH: Okay. Keep going.
KAYLA: There's this club we go to sometimes in Boston and it has a pretty mixed crowd of like people our age and then like middle-aged people.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And for some reason, the middle-aged people at this club are so handsy.
SARAH: Aww
KAYLA: They are like up against walls, just like grinding
SARAH: Aww
KAYLA: And making out and like dry humping. And I'm like…
SARAH: How do you define middle-aged?
KAYLA: Like forties, fifties.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I mean, anything above teenager is too old to be doing that. It doesn't really, regardless.
SARAH: I just ask because you have a unusual definition of old.
KAYLA: I didn't say old. I said middle-aged.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: I said middle-aged.
SARAH: But I think a lot of 40-year-olds would take offense to be called middle-aged.
KAYLA: I feel like my parents started referring to themselves as middle-aged at 40.
SARAH: At 40?
KAYLA: I mean around 40.
SARAH: I think most people at 40 are still in denial. They would call themselves pre-middle-aged.
KAYLA: Okay. Either way, people who are at least two to three decades too old to be behaving in this manner.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So that's the thing. When I go to a club or a bar, I'm expecting PDA. People are drunk. Couples are there. People are dancing, whatever. I'm like, that's going to happen. And luckily, it's dark. So, I don't have to be like, where do I look? Like, it's fine.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But there is too much sometimes. Like there is a level that is too far. Like dancing, grinding, whatever. Like that's going to happen. But there is a step too far
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Which is just like dry humping on the wall. It's like, why are we, what are we doing?
SARAH: Go to someone's house. Leave
KAYLA: Yeah, you have to go. Like I did not consent to be part of this.
SARAH: Don't go to the bathroom. No, no, no, no, no.
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Don't go to the bathroom.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Go to someone's house.
KAYLA: Well, don't worry, because at this establishment, they monitor the bathrooms and only one person can go in a stall at a time. Like I've tried going in the bathroom with friends before and they were like, absolutely not. You will pee on your own.
SARAH: You will pee by yourself.
KAYLA: So, they're aware. Um, so yeah, I don't know, like clubs, I expect a PDA.
SARAH: Yeah. Um, do you, for, for these so-called middle-aged people at the club, are they… do you get the vibe that it's like divorcees going crazy in their new dating life?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Do you get the vibe that it's like married people, like long-term partners?
KAYLA: Yeah, I get the vibe that they are long-term partners that are maybe like, I don't want to say non-normative, but they're not your like white people…
SARAH: They're not vanilla.
KAYLA: They're not vanilla.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: They are people not in their twenties at a club in Boston, you know?
SARAH: Right. Yeah
KAYLA: Like, so they have to be like somewhat cool
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Or like… like there has to be something else going on, you know, or else you're not going to be there.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I feel like if you're like outside of your twenties and thirties and still going to clubs, like you have to be part of some other culture. You know what I mean? There has to be…
SARAH: I don't even go to clubs now. I made my choice.
KAYLA: Sure. But do you know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah, no, I do. I do.
KAYLA: Like, I think, I feel like you have to be part of some sort of counterculture to continue clubbing throughout your adult life or else there's no point. You know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't know if that makes sense.
SARAH: Yeah. If it's something that you do consistently.
KAYLA: So, I get like swinger vibes.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. You know what else I don't like?
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Animal PDA.
KAYLA: Speak on that.
SARAH: I don't want to see birds fucking on my balcony.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. Nature. You don't like nature?
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: I see. I see now what you mean.
SARAH: Hey, birds, don't fuck on my balcony. Fuck somewhere else.
KAYLA: How do you feel about my cats when sometimes they're nice to each other and they give each other a little bath? Is that allowed?
SARAH: That's fine.
KAYLA: They are sisters.
SARAH: That's community care.
KAYLA: Oh, that's… okay.
SARAH: Community care.
KAYLA: All right. And so now what is the difference between PDA and community care?
SARAH: When it's cats.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: For example…
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: So, you say they're sisters? Okay. If you were licking your sister in public, I would not like it.
KAYLA: That would not be community care.
SARAH: That's not community care.
KAYLA: Okay. I see. Okay
SARAH: Because then licking each other would be like the equivalent of you brushing your sister's hair, which I would be like, what are you doing? But okay. You know?
KAYLA: I can't brush my sister's hair in public? What if she needs it?
SARAH: Well, I wouldn't tell you not to. I would just be like, what are you doing?
KAYLA: Community care.
SARAH: I would be confused more than anything. I feel like, why is this happening here and now?
KAYLA: Sometimes the hair needs to be brushed.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: I mean, if you're like fixing something and you're like, oh, let me just fix it. But I mean, like, just like, just like doing like the whole, like Rapunzel 100 brushes thing.
KAYLA: Mm, well...
SARAH: Okay. Well, do we have anything else to say on this topic?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Kayla, what's our poll for this week? Is Sarah too judgmental?
KAYLA: What do you think?
SARAH: What's your limit? What's your limit on PDA?
KAYLA: Yeah. When does it become too much?
SARAH: Like what are you willing to withstand?
KAYLA: What is too much?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. When does it become unacceptable?
SARAH: For, I guess for other people and also for yourself, because that might not be the same answer.
KAYLA: That's a good point.
SARAH: Also like, has anyone ever tried to PDA you too hard and you literally had to be like, stop.
KAYLA: That's a good point, because yeah, people definitely have differing levels, because some people that's a thing, like they like PDA.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Like they, they find that to be a way of like showing affection in a relationship or just like some people are like, that is an important part of a relationship to them. And then other people are very uncomfortable with it. So, it's definitely, I can see how it would be a contentious topic if that doesn't match up.
SARAH: As the Koreans say, skinship.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: The, um, the bug that I tried to catch and failed. It keeps walking around on my monitor screen.
KAYLA: Oh, bitch.
SARAH: It's really pissing me off.
KAYLA: It’s haunting you.
SARAH: But I can't just like whack my monitor.
KAYLA: Yeah, probably not.
SARAH: Oh, no, that's nail polish.
KAYLA: Dang. That's sad.
SARAH: Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is my back. Why it hurt like that? Why can't I just stand without it hurting? I don't know. I hate it. Um, my juice is, and this, I guess it's kind of a beef as well in the end, but my juice is candy. I love it. It's so tasty and good and sugar. The reason it's a bit of a beef is that in my office, we have a large amount of candy for the, for people to have. And, and it's not really for me, it's for the students, but it's for me, it's there and it's for me. And… but it's in the… but then it's there in front of me and I keep eating it. And sometimes I eat too much and then my tummy hurt. My life is so hard.
SARAH: Yeah. That's so tough.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: My beef, I have two beefs. One of them I thought of just now, which is that I looked at the sugar content on my Cherry Coke and I said, I drink one of these every day.
KAYLA: Uh oh.
SARAH: My other beef is online retailers who require that your shipping and billing address is the same address.
KAYLA: I've never seen that before.
SARAH: Otherwise, they won't let the order go through. This was something that I have encountered at work
KAYLA: Huh
SARAH: Which is particularly problematic because we're trying to order costume stuff and it needs to go to Canada, but it can only be shipped from the US... to the US on a US card. So, I gave them my US card for like my company card and the address to ship it to our office. But the billing address on the company card is our accountant, not our address. And it would not let the purchase go through. So now we have to ship it…
KAYLA: That’s bizarre
SARAH: We have to ship it to our accountant and then go pick it up and then ship it to Vancouver.
KAYLA: Oh, I've never encountered that and it sounds awful.
SARAH: Yeah. It's really annoying. Um, my juice is…
KAYLA: Looking around, looking around the room. Uh oh.
SARAH: This is a bit of a gravy, but I washed my duvet cover.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: I put it in the bathtub with water and with OxiClean.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: It was so dirty. It was so gross.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I was disgusted. I can…
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: Kayla, I will send you the pictures of how yunky it was.
KAYLA: Please do.
SARAH: But also, beef. I still need to put… I still need to put it back on my duvet because it has been cleaned for several days.
KAYLA: That’s so hard
SARAH: It has been cleaned for several days but I haven't done it yet.
KAYLA: It’s so hard to get it back on.
SARAH: But I guess my juice is that it will be clean now, cleaner, I don't know. Um, you can tell us about your beef and your juice on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you want to promote… support, support us there. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Simon, the German.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Sorry for making you Simon the German. Snordstorm, or as I like to read it, Snored Strom. Sofia P, Tall Darryl and Tom S. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Elle Bitter who would like to promote normalizing the use of tone indicators /srs, my Aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher’s Haven, Kayla's dad, who would like to promote JandiCreations.com, Maff, who would like to promote the Don't Should sweatshirt. So true. And Martin Chiesl, who would like to promote the podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One Is. Our other $10 patrons are Olivia O’Shea, Parker, Phoenix Leodinh, Purple Hayes, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Val, Alastor, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Bones, Celina Dobson, Clare Olsen and Derick & Carissa. Our $15 patrons are Ace, who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Hector Murillo, who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person. Nathaniel White, who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina, who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Schnell, who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $15 patrons are Dragonfly, Dr. Jacki, my mom, and River, who would like to promote Aromcom, the short film.
KAYLA: Yay.
SARAH: Help it become reality. Also, I think new season of Heartstopper is about to come out. By the time this is out, I think it'll be already out.
KAYLA: Yes, it's true.
SARAH: I'm not caught up though. Not caught up. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: I’m not either, anyway. And okay, wait, hold on. One thing before we go. I saw several comments on Spotify from last week's episode about people stanning my father, Kevin, even though he skipped… He doesn't like listening to us anymore. And to that I say, what in the hell? Whose side are you people on?
SARAH: Oh, pick a side.
KAYLA: Anyway, take good care of your cows. Goodbye.
SARAH: Yeah, Kevin, take good care of your cows.
KAYLA: Yeah.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
