Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 324: Listener Lore pt. 2
Hey what's up hello! We're back with another edition of Listener Lore. We give some updates on last time's stories and then get into more truly wild stuff.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/listener-lore-pt-2
Submit Your Lore: https://forms.gle/74KWs2JV9R932rkj7
Rat in Oven: https://www.tiktok.com/@ladymixerlot/video/7436630483317820718?_r=1&_t=8rOx3gogeFD
Rat in Hat: https://x.com/kirbycheatfurby/status/1858725354224894082?s=42
Rat in Vest: https://www.instagram.com/p/DB9g3SFv779/?igsh=aHY5enFnN2wzdDBn&img_index=1
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SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl. (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl (That's me Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Listener Lore Part 2.’
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Helloooo.
SARAH: How are you doing?
KAYLA: A headache.
SARAH: Ugh, that's too bad.
KAYLA: I'm being really brave about it.
SARAH: You're so brave. My mom has a migraine so she went to bed.
KAYLA: I feel that. Respect, Julie.
SARAH: Respect. Uh, Kayla do we have any housekeeping this week? Great. We're gonna… just a reminder that upcoming we will have our winter podcast break, but not for a couple of weeks. We don't know exactly when yet because we haven't talked about it. But just emotionally prepare yourself that it will happen.
KAYLA: Yeah. And just so you know, I almost tried to start that winter break next week. I was like, “oh, is it time?” I got really excited.
SARAH: Yep
KAYLA: Not that I don't love you all, I'm just… I love not doing things, you know.
SARAH: I love not working.
KAYLA: I love not working. But no, we are still here. You're welcome.
SARAH: Not working late.
KAYLA: Because I'm mentally unwell.
SARAH: So true. Um, okay, cool. Uh, Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week is our second installment of listener lore.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, I think wild Reddit stories, but from our listeners instead. And last time was very enjoyable.
SARAH: It involved giraffes, a car in the ocean.
KAYLA: A car, yeah. Um…
SARAH: What else?
KAYLA: Well, I'll tell you because we have some updates from last time.
SARAH: Hell, yeah
KAYLA: So last time, I would… I would recommend, first of all, like it was, I just, I'm obsessed with that episode. So, I would recommend going back and listening anyway, because I think it's so funny, but also, we're going to do some updates from last time stories. So… and they're not going to make much sense if you didn't listen. Uh, so… if you also, if you want some pictures from last time stories, we posted some on our Instagram of pictures that people sent in, so
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Um, okay, so last time, if you remember, we had a story about a friend who was drunk driving who got pulled over and told the cop that his eyes were bloodshot because he had just had anal sex.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And we had had questions about where this happened.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Um, the person was pulled over in Iowa. So, we're very… so they're very certain… They're very certain that the cop was uncomfortable with gay people and explicit methods of sex. So that's the update there.
SARAH: Amazing. Perfect location for that to happen.
KAYLA: Yeah. Another story we had was about the threesome happening in the friend's bed because her roommate had a threesome and we were like, why didn't they push the beds together? Like what was this?
SARAH: Make a mega bed
KAYLA: Right. The update is, was they were going to make a mega bed, but then I guess they just dot dot dot used my friend's bed.
SARAH: They got distracted.
KAYLA: Clearly. So that was the update there. We then had the story about the person who was accidentally in a QPR when they were young.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: And they like just like to shoot nerf guns and then the guy was like, kiss. And it was weird.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Uh, and we talked about how… like we had talked about the expectations and like who's supposed to make the first move
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Update there is the guy had four lesbian moms, both divorced and remarried. Uh, this is important context because it's probably why he didn't follow the heteronormative expectations of initiating things. It also explains why I had a crush on him in the first place because I had never had feelings for a straight heteronormative guy, (he is also potentially bisexual.)
SARAH: Hell yeah.
KAYLA: So, good for him.
SARAH: We love it when people have four lesbian moms.
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: I know someone. Well, no, I don't know someone.
KAYLA: You don't know someone? You don't know someone?
SARAH: I know someone who knows someone who has four lesbian moms.
KAYLA: Okay, great. Which means I know someone that knows someone that knows someone that has four lesbian moms.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Kevin Bacons. Okay. If you recall, we, um, had Sexier Ryan Reynolds, but gender questioning…
SARAH: I was like sexy rhinoceros?
KAYLA: Yes. Who wrote in about leading their partner on for three years because they were coming to terms with their aceness.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So, they said, update from last week, they submitted it to our form, update from last week, “No way am I posting in discord and revealing who I am, LMAO.” We had asked, because it started out their dating with like they watching a movie
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I think it was like their first date.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And we had asked what the movie was. They had invited Sexy Ryan Reynolds over to watch a movie. They suggested the 1931 black and white German crime thriller about a pedophile serial killer named M.
SARAH: I fell asleep watching that movie in film school. It's really long. Hi, this is Sarah from the future. I just checked, it turns out it's not really long, I was just really tired. No…
KAYLA: Well, that was what they did.
SARAH: Okay, as soon as you said 1931 black and white German, I was like, it's M, it's M, it's M.
KAYLA: It is.
SARAH: I literally… I had to… I went to that screening after Quidditch practice. So, I had to leave Quidditch practice early to walk back up to campus to watch…
KAYLA: How do you remember this?
SARAH: Well, it happened every week - to watch this movie, and I had not gotten enough sleep and I fell asleep watching that movie.
KAYLA: I feel like this says a lot about the ex-partner, because looking back at this, she invited the writer of this over to watch a movie.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And the writer picked this German film. And then… so she liked the movie I suggest.
SARAH: Wait, sorry, the writer picked? Sorry. OP, you picked M?
KAYLA: Yes. Sexy Ryan Reynolds.
SARAH: Sorry. I, for some reason I interpreted that as she picked M. Okay
KAYLA: No. So, it says she invited me over to watch a movie.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: She likes the movies I suggest so we watch more. So, I guess...
SARAH: Okay. You know, M might be a very good movie, but I was very tired.
KAYLA: No, OP did suggest it. So that's… it’s… I just… I love this story. I guess it gets better and better. Okay. We also had a story last time…
SARAH: So that is what they ended up watching?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: It was that movie?
KAYLA: And she liked it. And so, they watched more and then they dated for three years.
SARAH: M, such a romantic…
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: Start to a relationship.
KAYLA: Okay. Then we also had Jay Smith write in how they were like dating someone at summer camp, but didn't make a move. And so, then their friend like called them out and then they were like, my friend is a jackass.
SARAH: I did see this discourse in the discord.
KAYLA: Yes. And we were like, well, I hope he's not a jackass anymore. And then I was like, I don't know, men love to just remain friends with awful men. So, Jay Smith said can confirm jackasses still is just, just as much as a jackass, even though we are now 28. Examples include insisting I pretend I'm not ace to spare my then friend, now wife's, feelings when she was hesitant to date me. Still was gray on the demisexual thing at the time, didn't want to overcomplicate the situation. He also ‘joked’ about paying her to drop the towel after her shower, but was totally just a test. I've had many people throughout the years tell me to cut them loose for a million reasons I won't get into. The devil, you know, though, I guess, and yes, ironically, he is like a brother to me. Because I was saying men always have a brother to them who's the worst man you've ever met. It’s so great.
SARAH: You know what, Jay Smith? I respect your right to make choices.
KAYLA: Excellent answer. Okay, we also had a story last time about prom, how the person didn't want to go with this one guy to prom because it was super awkward.
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: So, she was like, I'm going with this friend. And then…
SARAH: That friend the last minute…
KAYLA: The friend ended up… last minute was like, I can't come.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, they said, for context, when I told the person I had already asked a friend, that was a lie. I only asked them after this out of desperation
SARAH: Amazing
KAYLA: Because we had wondered what the… okay, the only update we have on the giraffe situation is that we do have a picture of it.
SARAH: We have pictures of the giraffes
KAYLA: I wish we knew more about the couple, but there is a picture of the giraffes on our Instagram.
SARAH: Elle doesn't know anymore.
KAYLA: Elle doesn't know anymore.
SARAH: Nothing we can do about that
KAYLA: And then there is a very upsetting lack of information about the car in the ocean situation.
SARAH: Oh my God. But there is a picture of it.
KAYLA: But there is a picture from the real-life news story that like a… like there's a journalist at the scene, a real-life picture. It does not answer any of the questions that we have
SARAH: No, it actually brought up more questions
KAYLA: More questions. So, if you have more questions though, I cannot suggest going into the discord enough and asking the discord member who submitted that because they were having like a full AMA in there, and it was great, I loved it.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: I… just… because I know that not all of you are going to like go seeking out this photo, just know that the car was like mostly submerged, like two thirds submerged in the ocean. But it was in such a place that it was like facing the direction it would have theoretically come from.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's like not near anything.
SARAH: It was like out. And so, then my question was, how the fuck did it get there? Like…
KAYLA: And we don't know.
SARAH: We don't know. OP does not know.
KAYLA: Oh, also it was confirmed that the ex did lose their license after the ocean incident as I had thought.
SARAH: Because of the ocean? Because of the…
KAYLA: Yes. Because of the ocean incident.
SARAH: Yeah. It wasn't like, oh, just didn't renew the license? Yeah.
KAYLA: No, it was because of the ocean incident because I believe there was also some inebriation…
SARAH: Substances
KAYLA: Involved, which I should hope so, honestly, if you're doing that sober, I don't know what to say. Okay, so those are our updates from last time.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And now we'll read more stories. Give me a number between one and like…
SARAH: Two
KAYLA: Oh, okay, well, the end number was sixty-four.
SARAH: Sixty-four.
KAYLA: Okay, so these are… we have a listener named Abby, who I think is actually the person who…
SARAH: My cousin?
KAYLA: Yeah. Who is the same person who had the friend drive home drunk that said the anal sex thing.
SARAH: I thought it was…
KAYLA: Oh, I thought it was drunk. It doesn't matter.
SARAH: It doesn't matter.
KAYLA: So yes, Abby submitted several stories, so I'll just like pick one and then we can come back to Abby
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: At a different point.
SARAH: My cousin Abby doesn't live in Iowa, so I don't think it's you.
KAYLA: Okay, great. So, Abby is… I'll just read one short one from Abby since we heard from Abby last time. Abby says, I once went home with a guy and we were making out in his bed when he suddenly stopped and said, “hold on, I need to put this away,” and then pulled a handgun out from under his pillow and locked it in a small safe next to his bed. We then had sex. So…
SARAH: Okay, first of all, that is a profoundly American story.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah.
SARAH: Second of all, at least he was practicing good gun safety.
KAYLA: He did have a safe. He had a safe
SARAH: Like he realized like, oh, I'm actually not storing this gun properly, so we need to stop this so that I can…
KAYLA: Put it away.
SARAH: I can take us out of this situation, I can put the gun in a safe place.
KAYLA: I will say...
SARAH: Wait, it was under his pillow?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Does he sleep like that?
KAYLA: Kind of feels that way, doesn't it?
SARAH: But he also has a safe?
KAYLA: Yeah, it should be in the safe. Abby has so many. Abby's life is very colorful.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So, we will return to Abby, again and again, I think.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: But that was one of Abby's stories. Give me another number.
SARAH: Sixty-two.
KAYLA: So many. Okay, this is from recent patron Anthony Pizzo, not pizza.
SARAH: Not pizza.
KAYLA: Oh, I actually I skimmed this one before when I came in and I think it's very silly. Okay. Anthony says, I had walked into my local comic shop after work to buy my weekly books just as the volunteer at the counter hung up the store's phone and asked me if I wanted a box of free meat. I was understandably very confused and asked for clarification. The volunteer told me that he'd just received a call from a man identifying himself as a truck driver who said that he had several boxes of meat that he needed to donate to a nonprofit before he could pick up his next shipment.
SARAH: What kind of meat?
KAYLA: We'll get there. I should add here for context that the shop is a nonprofit organization that does extensive work with education and literacy. The woman who owns the store had been nominated for a retail Eisner Award, the Oscars of comic books, and was out of town at San Diego Comic-Con, and several customers had volunteered to run the shop for her. How lovely?
SARAH: That's really nice.
KAYLA: About a half an hour later, the truck driver arrives and, as promised, had several cases of vacuum-sealed meat, ranging in selection from ground beef to rib roast, which he estimated to cost about $2,000.
SARAH: Why did he have it, and why did he have to get rid of it?
KAYLA: Because he needed to get rid of it before he could pick up his next shipment, so I guess.
SARAH: But why?
KAYLA: We'll get there as well.
SARAH: I understand the logistics of you need to displace it to put something else in the truck
KAYLA: Wait, I have answers. I have all the answers.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: The boxes had been rejected from a supermarket because some of the cardboard boxes were dented, even though there was nothing wrong with the meat inside. We asked him why a comic book store, out of all the nonprofits around, and it turned out they were the only place still open after five o'clock.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: And it was meat, so he had to put it somewhere.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: This then left us with the issue of the meat. We put as much of the ground beef as would fit into the owner's small refrigerator and divided the rest among ourselves. I wound up with 40 pounds of rib roast and top round. When the volunteers were able to contact the owner, she said she'd never be able to eat all that ground beef, and we may as well divide up that as well. Instead, however, the volunteers bought buns and condiments, spent the night making hamburger patties, and that Saturday had a free community cookout.
SARAH: Aww
KAYLA: In fact, they've held several cookouts with complimentary burgers, and there's still frozen meat waiting to be used.
SARAH: It's still the same meat!
KAYLA: Isn't that lovely? And Anthony included a picture of…
SARAH: Send me the picture right now.
KAYLA: Some meat in a box.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: I'll text you this picture, and we will put it on Instagram.
SARAH: This is also just so indicative of the amount of food waste in this country.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. But it’s…
SARAH: In the United States?
KAYLA: But it's great that there is clearly a policy at this delivery service that it must go to a non-profit.
SARAH: Like, you can't just…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like, drop it on the side of the road.
KAYLA: So, it's very good that there's… I just sent you the meat picture. It's very good that there's policy around that, but it is crazy.
SARAH: I'm waiting for your meat pic. Meat pic, meat pic, meat pic.
KAYLA: Meat
SARAH: The only kind of meat pic I want to receive.
KAYLA: My God, it's so slow to send. The anticipation.
SARAH: That is so wild.
KAYLA: Okay. It sent
SARAH: No, but seriously… Oh my God, it's meat.
KAYLA: It's just meat in a box
SARAH: It's just meat in a box.
KAYLA: It's just meat.
SARAH: But, like, so much food is wasted
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because it's like, oh, the box is dented.
KAYLA: The box has a dent.
SARAH: Fuck that.
KAYLA: Well, isn't there… I think it's called Imperfect Foods or something.
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: It's a company where you can get ugly looking vegetables, but they're, like, totally fine.
SARAH: Yeah. But grocery stores reject them because they're ugly.
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay, what do you want to hear next?
SARAH: 27? Oh my God, can we tell the story about the rat in the oven from that TikTok?
KAYLA: I wish you would.
SARAH: Okay, we'll do that next.
KAYLA: Okay. Okay, so this is from Lizzie. Lizzie says, I'm a neuroscience graduate student, so I work in a lab at a university and sometimes train new students as we recruit. Last year, we recruited this guy from India, trying to help him since he had followed his wife here and she works on her PhD and they were struggling on one stipend because higher education is… Anyway.
SARAH: No money.
KAYLA: At first, I thought this was a good sign because he was being a supportive husband. Slowly, he started showing his true colors, though. I soon found out that he had a four-year-old daughter that he left behind with his parents and did not miss, the first red flag.
SARAH: Wait, so…
KAYLA: Both parents…
SARAH: It was his child or both of their child?
KAYLA: I'm assuming both of theirs.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: He repeatedly told me about how people in India, quote help each other get and stay married and that I should get married and have kids before I get too old.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Of course, I'm aro-ace and don't want kids, so this wore thin fast and I knew that telling him could only make it worse, but I hadn't been around anyone that grew up in India, so I disregarded it as a cultural difference and tried to ignore it. A few months later, we had a female Indian student and I was showing her one of my crochet projects. He overheard, said I had many womanly qualities and asked when I would get married. At this point, I was fed up and automatically said never, which seemed to knock him off after trying to insist that I should get married. As I got to know this new girl, it became clear that this was not simply a cultural difference because she was having problems with him as well.
SARAH: This guy is just a jackass.
KAYLA: It turns out that he was basically the Indian equivalent of a right-wing conspiracy nut. Here's a list of all the instances of bizarre behavior. He thinks the Catholic Church is demonic and needs to leave India, which he said to the Indian Catholic student's faith.
SARAH: Oh God, okay
KAYLA: He told a Nepali student that he was glad India kicked the Nepali people out. I asked him about his weekend, he told me about a Hindu temple that was being reclaimed. When I said that's nice, he said it was great for all humanity. He thinks that Hinduism is the true source of science and only learned Western science that he could disprove it. He was a dentist in India.
SARAH: He, this guy, I can tell you right now, this guy is a Hindu nationalist who loves Narendra Modi. He loves that guy. He loves the fucking, what is he, president? I don't know. The guy who's in charge. He loves that guy. I can tell you that right now.
KAYLA: We were teaching evolution to freshmen and he got into an argument with other TAs that DNA mutation is not random and that India is a hotspot of mutation, which is why it is so advanced.
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: He had his own theory of evolution that he wanted to patent and then disprove with Hinduism.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: He told me… I don't know, that makes no sense.
SARAH: Wait, you patent a theory of evolution and then disprove it with Hinduism?
KAYLA: And then disapprove it. I guess just to prove that no theory of evolution is good? Because how do you patent a theory?
SARAH: How do you patent a theory?
KAYLA: That's not a thing. He told me that water has memory, pulled up a pseudo-scientific study and then insisted that me drinking water through a straw was giving me anxiety. (He was giving me anxiety.)
SARAH: Isn't that what ‘The Shape of Water’ is about?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: I think ‘The Shape of Water’ is about fucking a weird creature, but we'll never know. There's just no way to find out.
KAYLA: He told me that my asthma and allergies could be cured if I ate with my hands instead of cutlery. Something about good bacteria… shut up. Something about good bacteria on the hands, but even if that was plausible, it would not help my respiratory problems I've had since childhood.
SARAH: Sorry, I'm just still thinking about anxiety caused by drinking water through straw.
KAYLA: I love the idea that water does not like to go through a straw and becomes anxious about being in the straw and then it transfers that to you.
SARAH: It’s too tight in there
KAYLA: Because wouldn't you think that drinking water would always be bad then? Because the water is like, “oh no, I'm being drunk.”
SARAH: Yeah. Because it ends up in your system, which is like a straw.
KAYLA: Like a straw.
SARAH: But you know, bendy and warmer.
KAYLA: So true. In the end, we told my professor and he was very supportive. On top of all the crazy things, he was not grasping my project, so he ended up getting kicked out of the lab and is now working in another lab where he is hopefully keeping his mouth shut.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: So.
SARAH: Wowee.
KAYLA: Men!
SARAH: Well, I hope his wife does better with her own self.
KAYLA: Same. Lizzie also submitted another story about more wild people in their lab. So, another time we'll get to hear about even more wild lab people.
SARAH: Okay. What's going on in these labs?
KAYLA: I'd love to know what kind of lab this is.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I'm assuming it's like…
SARAH: Bio?
KAYLA: Sort of like hard science, like bio or chem or something.
SARAH: Or Chem, yeah
KAYLA: It's not like a, I don't know, like information technology lab, you know?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don’t know
SARAH: Wild. Eleven.
KAYLA: Eleven.
SARAH: I don't know why I picked eleven, that's not… like twelve was right there, you know?
KAYLA: Yup.
SARAH: Twelve is obviously a superior number, but I said eleven, so we're sticking with eleven.
KAYLA: Okay. Oh, okay. This all looks crazy already. This is from an anonymous person. Would you like to give them a name?
SARAH: Barbenheimer.
KAYLA: Great. And they even gave us a title, which I love.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: The title is lesbian breakups, but it keeps getting worse.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: When I was with my first girlfriend, I realized I was autistic and got diagnosed. I started to unmask, which led me to express my needs, which led her to break up with me. Boo
SARAH: Boo.
KAYLA: She tried to break up with me through text, so I called her. We break up over the phone. As soon as we hang up, she sends me a wiki-how page, yes, a wiki-how page. About what, you ask? About, ‘how to be more attractive.’ 911, I'd like to report a murder that I'm about to commit.
SARAH: Of all of the places to get advice on that from, I don't trust wiki-how.
KAYLA: That is so fucked up.
SARAH: You use wiki-how to be like, how do I wash my shoelaces? You don't use wiki-how…
KAYLA: This is so fucked up. I'm so sorry, Barbenheimer.
SARAH: My god.
KAYLA: So, they said, that's the first breakup of two, let's get to the second one.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: So, I got diagnosed with cancer. I'm cancer free now, we can make jokes about it.
SARAH: Yay.
KAYLA: Yay, cancer free. And I was not feeling well, you know, because cancer.
SARAH: Because cancer.
KAYLA: Because cancer. For context, I had been with my ex for a couple months. In my life, I also had someone I called my person. She has been through hell and back with me, she's incredibly important to me, and I've had a conversation with my ex about the role that my person plays in my life. She's the person I want by my side when everything goes bad.
SARAH: I have a question about the relationship. So, we've been with the ex for a couple months.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Has Barbenheimer had cancer that whole time? Like did they get together knowing Barbenheimer had cancer?
KAYLA: It looks like no, based on what happens next.
SARAH: So Barbenheimer was endorsed… no, diagnosed.
KAYLA: So Barbenheimer and the girlfriend…
SARAH: I’m sorry can we… No, Barbenheimer was diagnosed with cancer while they were dating.
KAYLA: While they were dating, yes
SARAH: My brain said endorsed. Endorsed by cancer.
KAYLA: Great. No. Okay.
SARAH: The other day, I meant to say litmus test, and I said tetanus test.
KAYLA: Different.
SARAH: Amazing. Anyway…
KAYLA: I got my tetanus shot recently.
SARAH: I know you did. Let's go.
KAYLA: Okay. So, we have the current girlfriend, who is going to become an ex, spoilers, and then the person.
SARAH: The person. Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. So, I said, so my person was with me when I got diagnosed. I slept at her house for a couple of days. She watched me while I was staring at the TV playing Disney Plus. No clue what movies I watched during these days.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: I think that shocked my ex. Even though we talked about it in theory, the fact that I wanted my person, who's been in my life for almost a decade and not my girlfriend, who knew me for a couple of months, by my side during arguably one of the worst moments in my life was shocking.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: You know, amatonormativity and thinking that a romantic relationship should be her over everything. Yeah, I know, I may not kiss my person…
SARAH: Even if you've been together for a couple of months and you've known this person for a decade? Get real allos.
KAYLA: Right. Like you don't… yeah. You don't know me like this person has. Yeah. They said I might not kiss my person, but I want her by my side for the best and the worst. So yeah, let's get back to the ex. I got diagnosed recently. We saw each other once or twice since. I am not at my best because, you know, I'm dealing with a literal cancer diagnosis.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: She wants me to meet up. We set a date. It's like five days away. She texts me two days prior and asks me if I have the space for bad news. I ask her if we can talk about it when we meet up. She tells me that she wants to warn me. I ask her if she's breaking up with me. She says yes. What's the point at that point? Like what is the point at that point?
SARAH: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I understand the sentiment behind being like, are you in a space for bad news?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But if the bad news is that you're breaking up with them, even if the answer is no, I think you should probably still do it.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think that it's… we have to do that. I think… Yeah.
SARAH: Like I remember in high school, I had a friend who was dating someone, one of the few friends that I had who ever dated anyone in high school. And she was like, I think we need to break up, but it's about to be Valentine's Day and then it's going to be his birthday. And she was like, I don't know, like…
KAYLA: I've heard people making those rationalizations about like, okay, well, then it's going to be Thanksgiving and then it's going to be Christmas and then it's going to be New Year's and then it's going to be Valentine's Day. And then it's like, okay, so now you're just like…
SARAH: Yeah, like if it needs to be done, it needs to be done.
KAYLA: It has to happen. Yeah
SARAH: Yeah. Like it might suck, but…
KAYLA: Because then also I've heard of… I've had friends who have gotten broken up with like after big events and the person has said like, well, I wanted to wait. Like, I had a friend have an anniversary, like a two-year anniversary, and then he broke up with her like a couple of days later
SARAH: No
KAYLA: And it was like, oh, okay, so everything you said was fake?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, that was nothing. Like, why did you do that?
SARAH: Yeah. Or like, I stayed with you to go to your sister's wedding. It's like, okay, well, now you're in all the fucking photos.
KAYLA: Yeah, but now you’re in the pictures. Yeah. And I could have like hooked up with someone at the wedding, instead I was with your ass. Yeah. Okay. Anyway. So, I asked her if she's breaking up with me, she says yes.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: I'm like, well, we're meeting up now and talking about it. She says she wants to do it in two days. And I'm like, absolutely not. If you want to have a conversation, it's tonight. She tells me she's hungry and can't meet up.
SARAH: Go to a place that serves food.
KAYLA: Huge news, everyone, there's places you can go that serve food. So, I'm like, eat and we meet up, I guess? She decides to make rice and I'm just waiting for her to finish making rice to get broken up with.
SARAH: Just rice? Okay, I’m sorry. If you're hungry, like if you're like, I can't do anything until I eat.
KAYLA: I'm so hungry. Yeah.
SARAH: Rice is not the right… I love rice. Rice is great. It's not like going to fill you up long term.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You need to have something else with the rice.
KAYLA: A protein, a vegetable.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: She eventually tells me she's ready. And I realize that she thinks she's coming to my house. And I'm like, no, you're not breaking up with me on my own couch. We're meeting up outside.
SARAH: Doing a drug deal outside.
KAYLA: So, she texts me that she needs to go back home and get a hat, because they have to stand outside, I guess. At this point, I am laughing, like this is absurd, I am texting my person live updates and we are both baffled. We eventually meet up. She gives me something. It's a breakup letter, but it's so damn beautiful. There's watercolor and she calligraphied it with an ink pen. It's three pages piece of art insulting me.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: That is the most lesbian thing I've ever heard.
KAYLA: I know. I know. So important to know, I'm pretty sure I'm dyslexic. Reading calligraphy is very hard for me. So, I read it quickly. I don't understand much, because let's be honest, I'm not putting the effort of understanding an inaccessible text that is insulting me, obviously. And then we talk a bit. She tells me that she thinks I am not emotionally available and that it stems from misogyny. I am baffled and confused.
SARAH: I'm crying. Why?
KAYLA: I don’t know
SARAH: I'm so sorry, OP, but this is so funny.
KAYLA: She tells me I can't understand because I don't experience misogyny. Let's be clear here.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: I am a non-binary person who grew up thinking they were a girl and are treated as a woman in most of their social interactions. I do experience misogyny. No one is asking my pronouns before catcalling me or dismissing my opinion.
SARAH: Also, I'm sorry, if you are in a lesbian relationship, if you are in a sapphic relationship, yes, you experience misogyny.
KAYLA: Right. Like who did this person think they were dating? Who were they looking at?
SARAH: What the fuck?
KAYLA: You are in a queer relationship. Even... Brother. Like gay men experience... Do gay men experience misogyny?
SARAH: They might enforce it. They might... what’s… I can't think...
KAYLA: Be misogynistic?
SARAH: Yeah. I can't think of the word I'm looking for, but they might pass it along.
KAYLA: No, but if… yeah, if you grew up being raised as a girl, you've experienced it.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And I would assume that your girlfriend knows that that is your past.
SARAH: And if people perceive you as...
KAYLA: Like your girlfriend must know that.
SARAH: If people perceive you as female now or if they perceive you as someone who was AFAB
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Then you are going to get the impact of that.
KAYLA: Misogyny. Yeah. So, what…
SARAH: Yeah. Like maybe if you are super, super… like if you're a trans man and you're super, super passing, maybe you might not get that, but that doesn't mean you didn't get it before you were passing.
KAYLA: In pass. Right. Like to say this person has no understanding of misogyny is just insane.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Anyway, so I'm like, yeah, I am less emotionally available, but I think it's the fact that I'm coping with a cancer diagnosis
SARAH: I forgot about that
KAYLA: And she just insists it's misogyny.
SARAH: Cancer or misogyny, what is it?
KAYLA: Misogyny. She offers me to keep the letter, I say no. My thought process was that the events unfolding are so absurd that I'll tell this story all the time and I'm uncomfortable saying it from my perspective, so I wouldn't want to have the impulse to show the letter to people.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: That's her perspective, not mine. Very respectful.
SARAH: Yeah, that's very wise.
KAYLA: That's very respectful. More respectful than I would have been.
SARAH: I would have kept that shit. I would have taken photos of it and sent it to everyone I knew.
KAYLA: Yeah, yes. I go back home, I text my person, I didn't cry about the breakup. Pro tip, get diagnosed with cancer, everything else seems unimportant.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But I did cry that night because I realized that everyone except my ex did everything I needed. They told me and showed me that they didn't have any expectations for me. If and when I showed up was okay, I was allowed to cope in my own ways. They didn't ask for anything from me and I needed that so much. So yeah, that night I cried a bit because I knew I would be okay because I had community. That's so lovely.
SARAH: Fuck the allos.
KAYLA: What a bitch. What a crazy person.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: That person clearly was breaking up with them because of the cancer and was like, well, what bullshit reason can I give that isn't cancer? Because you can't tell someone that's why you're breaking up with them.
SARAH: Here’s the thing, if you're breaking up with someone because they have cancer, I think you should just be honest about it.
KAYLA: I agree. Just be like, I don't have the capacity for that.
SARAH: Yeah. It kind of feels like a really shitty thing to do, right? But especially if you haven't been together that long, if you weren't sure how much you were feeling it before, your partner getting diagnosed with cancer adds a whole other layer onto shit.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And if you are not prepared to deal with that and prepared to be with them and by their side for that, it is better to just be like, “I don't think I can handle this. I think you're a cool person, but I am not in a place where I can be what you need from me right now.”
KAYLA: Yeah, fair
SARAH: And like, yeah, that would fucking suck to be broken up with because you had cancer, that's garbage. I'm sure some people would be like, “well, that's ableist.”
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I mean, yeah, but… what do you… you know?
KAYLA: No, I get what you mean. I mean, if you're going to do it anyway, you might as well just be honest.
SARAH: Yeah. And then that way they won't be like, well, you know, what did I do wrong?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like what, you know, it's just like, no, they couldn't handle the situation.
KAYLA: Fair.
SARAH: 44.
KAYLA: Okay. This is from another anonymous person. Would you like to give her a name?
SARAH: She/Her pronouns?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Marguerite.
KAYLA: Marguerite. All right. I did skim this one a while ago and I thought it was so silly. So here we go.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: How a cursed pair of clown salt and pepper shakers gave me shingles.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: And now this was written in before I put a spot on the form to put pictures.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So, I'm just going to start by saying, if you have pictures of any part, anything that is in this story
SARAH: The shingles?
KAYLA: Sure. Honestly. Sure. Uh, I will just… please send these… please send these photos.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. But I guess this could have been, this seems like it might be an old story. So, I don't know. Anyway, if you have, anyway… when I was in college, I had two close friends who I was also roommates with. We also had a fourth poor randomly assigned roommate who had to put up with our shenanigans. My friends and I were all various subspecies of visual art majors, and we often helped each other with projects.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: One of my friends had a poster project one day, and she decided to stage a photo of a dramatic murder scene for the said poster using me as the model. She wanted to include a bunch of creepy objects to throw around my ‘dead’ body for the photo. So, we went to a local thrift store to get creepy… to go creepy objects hunting. She ended up finding these super creepy bright yellow clown salt and pepper shakers complete with giant red smiling mouths. Okay. So, there is a picture of this somewhere for this project.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: It does exist somewhere
SARAH: Because you take a photo for the project to exist
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I'd love to see the photo of the project to be honest. Okay. We brought them home, did our murder photo sheet… Did our murder photo shoot
SARAH: Did our murder photo sheet
KAYLA: Shut up, which our fourth… poor fourth roommate happened to walk in on, not the weirdest thing she has seen us do and continued about our day. Then our… ah
SARAH: You have made so many just like…
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: Your mouth doesn't work. I've let most of them go.
KAYLA: I’m unwell. Shut up.
SARAH: I've been very brave.
KAYLA: Then odd things started happening. Doors would seem to randomly open and close on their own. Items went missing. Loud, unexplained thumps would startle us awake.
SARAH: Spooky.
KAYLA: We kept having random accidents or receiving bad news. But the weirdest was when I woke up one day with an extremely painful rash on one side of my body. I eventually went to the doctor who decided to break the news to me by telling me… I'm going to kill myself. I eventually went to the doctor…
SARAH: The doctor said that?
KAYLA: Shut up. I eventually went to the doctor who decided to break the news to me by telling my very confused ace ass that I had herpes. Apparently, the technical name for shingles is herpes zoster.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: I was not aware of this. He took way too long to explain that crucial detail. Anyway, both of us were very confused about how I, a junior in college who had never had chicken pox, managed to get a flare up of the chicken pox virus that normally affects people over 50 who have, you know, had chicken pox.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: We threw away the cursed salt and pepper shakers the next day and the weird occurrences stopped almost immediately after. So yeah, I don't really believe in ghosts, but I have definitely never bought another clearly cursed item from a thrift shop. It just isn't worth it.
SARAH: That is so wild. Also, I was going to ask, like, okay, you're in college, like have you had chicken pox?
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: So, if you have… if you have not had chicken pox and you get shingles as a college student, that's wild.
KAYLA: It's the ghost, like, especially there's like other bad news and accidents that are happening and then this, like that is the clowns.
SARAH: Yeah. My sister has salt and pepper shakers that are like salt and pepper from Blue's Clues.
KAYLA: Ah, cute.
SARAH: And she also has a paprika, I think.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. And there is the baby…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think they also have a cinnamon baby.
SARAH: There's a cinnamon baby. I don’t know if she has a cinnamon shaker.
KAYLA: I see.
SARAH: But one of them was out and then the other one was just wrapped in paper towel in the closet. And I was like, why would you separate them? Why would you do this?
KAYLA: Maybe they were having a fight. They were on a break.
SARAH: Well, it was because she had moved, but I was like, what?
KAYLA: You'd think you'd get them out at the same time though.
SARAH: If you're going to have these anthropomorphic salt and pepper shakers, you need to treat them like they're alive.
KAYLA: That's… no, that's fair. If, Anonymous, you have this photograph of this murder scene.
SARAH: Sorry, this is Marguerite
KAYLA: Sorry, Marguerite if you have photos of the salt and pepper shakers or this traumatic murder scene or both, I just have to see them.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: And if you want to send us photos of the murder scene, I presume the murder scene photos have your face in them. But you could… we could like…
KAYLA: Oh, yeah. Feel free… yes.
SARAH: We could blur them out or block them out.
KAYLA: Or if you just want to crop the part with the clown in it, that's fine too.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Whatever works for you, or just like if you're an art major, if you want to draw them, maybe?
SARAH: Mm, that'd be nice.
KAYLA: A reenactment of what they looked like.
SARAH: Yeah. Perhaps if your skills are in the drawing type of art and design.
KAYLA: Yes, of art. Whatever works for you, really, we're not picky.
SARAH: I would like you to make like a collage, like a… you know, when people make art out of magazine collage
KAYLA: Yes, collage
SARAH: Like it's like collage, but like, you're not just, it's not just the items in the photo. Like you're using the colors from the collage to create a larger picture.
KAYLA: Uh-huh. Like a mosaic.
SARAH: Yes. Yes. Like that. That's what I would like.
KAYLA: Okay. Interesting. So, we are picky, I guess.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. Cool.
SARAH: Would we like to do more?
KAYLA: I think we could do like a short one.
SARAH: Okay. Find a short one.
KAYLA: Okay. This one is like not related to relationships or sexuality at all, but you know what? Neither was the other one, so. All right…
SARAH: Oh, I didn't tell the rat story.
KAYLA: Oh, do you want to tell the rat story?
SARAH: No, we can do this and then I'll preview the rat story and then we can put the TikTok in the description.
KAYLA: Okay. Perfect. Okay. This one I just chose because it was short. So sorry, everyone. It wasn't really random. Okay. This is from another anonymous. She/Her. What's the name?
SARAH: Priya. I've made you South Asian. Congrats.
KAYLA: Okay. In the later half of the 1900s, my city had a big issue with the mafia.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: There were a few families…
SARAH: Chicago
KAYLA: Perhaps. There were a few families committing all kinds of criminal shenanigans from scamming businesses to blowing up houses.
SARAH: Blow houses
KAYLA: In the 90s, one of the leaders was arrested and coincidentally, a lot of the car bombings stopped. Oh my God.
SARAH: Car bombings?
KAYLA: Fast forward a couple of decades, he's released from prison and one of the first things he wants to do is see his granddaughter's hockey game.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: He attends the game and sits in the stands with the rest of the crowd of parents to see her face my team. From my perspective, I had no idea the mafia connection to this game.
SARAH: Sorry. I was not listening because I was like, when were the Irish car bomb? They were in the 90s. Sorry. What? I was like…
KAYLA: Where did you stop listening?
SARAH: Are we in the British…
KAYLA: Where did you stop listening at? Car bombing?
SARAH: Basically. Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. Great. Fast forward, a couple of decades he's released from prison…
SARAH: Oh, he's going to the hockey game with his granddaughter?
KAYLA: The one that he was arrested, and all he wants is to see his granddaughter's hockey
SARAH: Yeah, okay
KAYLA: Which is the writer’s… the granddaughter is on the opposing team to Priya
SARAH: Okay. To Priya, okay
KAYLA: Whatever you named her.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: From my perspective, I had no idea the mafia connection to this game, being competitive hockey, I just wanted to win. So, when the puck went into the corner and the opponent was right in front of me, I couldn't help myself, I proceeded to completely slam demolition derby, triple decker, Kabloom, shove the girl into the boards, knocking her on her ass. Still a clean hit by league standards.
SARAH: Nice. We love a clean hit.
KAYLA: Unbeknownst to me, her grandfather was the mafia boss who just watched me absolutely demolish his own blood directly in front of him. I didn't find out what I did until my dad told me a few years later.
SARAH: I'm just imagining Priya's family, like living in fear for like three years afterwards. They’re like, we can't tell Priya.
KAYLA: I love that
SARAH: We can't tell her.
KAYLA: I know the fact that they were just like, she can't, she can't know. She's too young, we're just preparing for her hockey career. Oh, that's good. That's good.
SARAH: Oh, that is funny. Ah, okay. The other thing, the other story, it is not from any of our listeners or followers, but it is a TikTok I found on the internet the other day. We can link it for the full details, I'm just going to give you a preview.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Whole rats cooked in oven by home health aide paid for by insurance.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: What was supposed to be cooked in oven? Squash.
KAYLA: Squash. It's so wild. It's absolutely bonkers.
SARAH: And the video is of… because the person who posted the TikTok had been like, dude, the craziest thing that's happened to my roommate.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then the video that I saw was said roommate explaining the situation.
KAYLA: Explaining, yeah
SARAH: And that was my first exposure to it. Like I hadn't seen the previous video. And so, I was just like, what the fuck is going on?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then it was like the next day. And so, like the roommate to whom it had happened had a TikTok account and I ended up seeing one of their follow up TikToks like an hour after it was posted, where they were like, I'm going out to the garbage to prove…
KAYLA: To check
SARAH: To prove that there are dead charred rats.
KAYLA: Yeah. They didn't show them really
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: They just like showed the pan
SARAH: Yeah, they were like…
KAYLA: They were in there.
SARAH: Yeah, I'm not going to show you anymore, but yeah, that's…
KAYLA: So foul.
SARAH: How can you be so stupid? Okay. All right. Kayla, what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Ooh. I'm trying to think of what we have read today.
SARAH: If someone told you and gave you detailed written instructions about how to cook squash.
KAYLA: No, they don't have context. They don't have the context.
SARAH: Would you instead cook whole rats?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: The rats were snake food.
KAYLA: Sarah, you're giving it all away.
SARAH: It's so funny.
KAYLA: Oh, they said in… I'm so stupid. Okay. Remember the lab?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: The one we read about the person in the lab. They said in the top of the submission, it's a neuroscience.
SARAH: So, they've got brains and they're just tearing them apart?
KAYLA: Yeah. Um, what is your theory of evolution that you would like to patent? That's my question for the listeners
SARAH: What is your theory of evolution that you'd like to patent and…
KAYLA: To just to disapprove
SARAH: And yeah, what are you going to disprove it with? Like a religion
KAYLA: Ooh, yes
SARAH: A sports team, like it could be anything.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's very good.
SARAH: Yeah, great. My theory of evolution is that we were all rocks and then one day the rocks grew legs and I am going to disprove this by the existence of Dwayne the rock Johnson, because he also has arms.
KAYLA: Mm. I think my theory is that we started in water, then we went to land, then we went back to water, then we went to land, then we went back to water and then we stuck with land
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And I'm going to use, um…
SARAH: She's looking around.
KAYLA: And I'm going to use a pickle to disprove it
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: Because pickles can be in the water or in the land.
SARAH: Because pickles can be in the water, I understand you exactly.
KAYLA: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thus, proving that it's disproved because you knew you were there.
SARAH: Exactly. Exactly
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Uh, sorry. How many times back and forth between water and land?
KAYLA: Like four.
SARAH: Four? Okay.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Great. Tell us about that, please. Um, Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that it is so fucking dry here.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: We are having in Massachusetts, a drought and wildfires.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: What is this?
SARAH: What is this?
KAYLA: California?
SARAH: California?
KAYLA: So, I had to buy a humidifier
SARAH: Eww
KAYLA: Which I told myself I would never buy because why would I want to add humidity near my hair?
SARAH: Oh, yeah.
KAYLA: That's such a bad choice for me. But my nose has been… I cannot explain to you the dryness of my nose, which I think I talked about like two weeks ago, it's so bad.
SARAH: She tried two weeks ago. She tried to explain it to you.
KAYLA: I tried. Um, my juice is that I was in the same room as Supreme Court Justice Jackson this week.
SARAH: That's Ketanji Brown Jackson.
KAYLA: And was actually like standing extremely close to her at one point and I got so frightened, I was accidentally in her way and I was actually, I've never been more frightened in my life, I was so scared and nervous. But there's like a, it's called a moot court competition. I think most law schools do it, but Harvard's was this week. And it's like a mock Supreme Court trial is how I would best explain it. And she came in as one of the guest judges. And that was so cool.
SARAH: Is she a judge or in this case, a justice?
KAYLA: I guess she was a justice. Well, a justice…
SARAH: Because she is in her real life a justice
KAYLA: It was kind of both. Like they were acting like her and two other lady judges. Very exciting.
SARAH: Ooh
KAYLA: And they had all lady securities, it was so exciting
SARAH: Ooh
KAYLA: They were like acting as the justices in the fake court case, but then also were the judges of like who won the competition.
SARAH: I see, yeah
KAYLA: Because there was like two teams like doing opposing sides of the argument.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: But it was just like really cool
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Nice
KAYLA: And also, very impressive because like the justices would just like cut the students off and like ask questions as you would in court.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And I was like, if that happened to me, I would start sobbing.
SARAH: I would shit myself. Like that is a Supreme Court justice.
KAYLA: No. And she was like the first one to ask a question and just cut in and was like, “I'm actually…” and I was like, aahh.
SARAH: She has to deal with Brett Kavanaugh.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: She has to deal with John Roberts. He's still alive, right? He's not the one that died.
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah. He's the chief justice. He's 69 years old. Nice.
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: That's the only nice thing about him.
KAYLA: Nice. But that was just very cool. And I guess if you even care, it's going to be on YouTube at some point.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: They like always put… apparently, it's like a very big deal. Like people wait all year to watch the Harvard Moot Court competition
SARAH: It's like the U.M.S.M.T.D.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Like beginning of year…
KAYLA: Senior
SARAH: Senior entrance. Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. No. Literally, like people are like… it's like a cult following of people completely unaffiliated with Harvard. Just that they're so excited about it.
SARAH: The two genders, the people who await the Harvard Moot Court and the people who await the U.M.S.M.T.D. senior entrance every year.
KAYLA: No, literally. Literally. So, I guess if you even care, you could watch it at some point.
SARAH: You could also watch the senior entrances, they're good.
KAYLA: That's true. They're also on YouTube. They’re all good
SARAH: Kayla's brother-in-law, but not in law because Kayla is not married
KAYLA: To be one day
SARAH: Is in one of them.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And you'll just have to find him.
KAYLA: That's true. He is in one of them.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: My beef slash juice, I guess it's a gravy, is on one of my phone games like there's ads, right? And I… you know how sometimes the ads are like a lot of times they're for other phone games, but you get to play the game in the ad.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Okay, so there's this ad that I've been getting that I have become obsessed with playing the game.
KAYLA: Just get the game for real.
SARAH: It's just a house and you got to take all the screws out of the house.
KAYLA: Okay, I have the real version of one of the screw games, it's not the house one but I have one
SARAH: I have done the screw games in ads before, but this one for some reason, like I have never beat it and I have spent so much time…
KAYLA: Sarah, just get the real app.
SARAH: Okay, but here's the thing…
KAYLA: Just get the real one.
SARAH: When you get the real app, it's like it’s not the same.
KAYLA: I know, it's not. It's not the real thing.
SARAH: It’s different. It's a different setup and like you get ads in the… so like I would rather sit here and play this ad.
KAYLA: You know what? That's fair. And also, there's no ads during the ad.
SARAH: And usually, like they'll only let you play for so long before it's like, okay, this ad is over, get our app.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But this one will let you play forever. It'll let you just start over and play forever. And so, I literally… I will literally get on my phone and go to this phone game, not to play the game…
KAYLA: To hope for the ad?
SARAH: To hope that I will get that ad.
KAYLA: Sarah, that is so fucked up, that is so beyond fucked up.
SARAH: I've never beat it and it pisses me off.
KAYLA: I wonder if it's… do you think it's unbeatable on purpose?
SARAH: Maybe. It would make sense if the ad was.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think so.
SARAH: I think I'm also just maybe a little stupid. Like removing screws from something is not something that I think is in my skill set. You know?
KAYLA: I think you should screen record yourself playing it so that you can track your mistakes.
SARAH: It makes my phone really hot.
KAYLA: I bet it does.
SARAH: I have improved, I can tell you that.
KAYLA: Okay, good.
SARAH: Because I kept just getting the same result and I was like, I need to change my approach
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because obviously there's something that's not working.
KAYLA: Something's going wrong. Yeah.
SARAH: So, I was like, okay, so my approach now is to go for the roof first and also the front door.
KAYLA: Interesting. See, the screw game I have, it's by color. Like it shows you like, okay, you need three orange ones and then you…
SARAH: It is like that, but it's a house.
KAYLA: Okay. Oh, interesting.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Very interesting.
SARAH: Yeah. So…
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: You tell us about your beef, your juice, your phone games that you only play within ads on other phone games on our social media @SoundsFakePod. We also have Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you wish for some reason to support us there. We… Yeah.
KAYLA: There's even two more new ones came in while we were recording.
SARAH: Two more while we were recording? Jesus Christ.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That's weird, that's actually very strange.
KAYLA: I know. It's weird, that never happens.
SARAH: Oh my God. Okay. Let me add you in. Hold on one second. For those listening, you're not, it'll just be the future now. One, two, three, go. Hi, it's the future now. We have some new $2 patrons. They are Angela. We have another Angela that's a $2 patron. I think this is a different Angela, but I…
KAYLA: We love all Angelas.
SARAH: I have a cousin named Angela. Another new $2 patron is Cara Duberstein. It's Duberstein, but I'm guessing you pronounce it Duberstein. You could pronounce it Duberstein, but you probably pronounce it Duberstein, it's my guess.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Kayla is petting a cat.
KAYLA: Welcome. There's a cat here. She should be in bed, it's her bedtime.
SARAH: And Maya K. So, thank you to Maya, Cara, and Angela for…
KAYLA: Welcome
SARAH: For patronizing us, patroning us. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Leila, Liam Girard, Lily, and Mary S. And we have a new $5 patron, it is Mark Cornick. Thank you, Mark.
KAYLA: Maaaaaark.
SARAH: Maaaaark, you're very nice and cool. Also, this is just a blanket statement. If you become a new patron, we will call you whatever your name comes up as on the Patreon patron. So, if you want to go buy a name that is not like your legal name or not whatever your Patreon name is, either change your Patreon name or just message us and let us know.
KAYLA: Indeed.
SARAH: Indeed. That's just a general statement. Our $10 patrons who we are promoting this week are Purple Hayes who would like to promote their friends’ podcast, The Host Club. Barefoot Backpacker, who would like to promote their YouTube channel, rtwbarefoot. SongOStorm who would like to promote a healthy work-life balance, and Val, who would like to promote a series of question marks. Our other $10 patrons are Alastor, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Bones, Celina Dobson, Clare Olsen, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, My Aunt Jeannie, Kayla's Dad, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Olivia O’Shea, Parker, and Phoenix... Nope, I said Phoenix. No, I didn't say Phoenix. And Phoenix Leodinh. Our $15 patrons are Ace, who would like to promote their writer, Crystal Scherer. Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast. Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person. Nathaniel White, who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly, Dr. Jacki, my mom, and River, who would like to promote phone games in ads that you get to play. You can play the phone game in the ad for as long as you want. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears. We'll probably be together for the next week's episode, so the audio may be bad…
KAYLA: Get ready
SARAH: But the vibes will be rancid.
KAYLA: Very. Mm-hmm. And… Goodbye. And take care of your cows, bye.
SARAH: And until then, take… Okay.
KAYLA: Take good care of your cows, goodbye. She’s chewing, like a little rat.
SARAH: Did you see the rat with the hat?
KAYLA: I saw a rat with a vest… But have you seen the rats in vests?
SARAH: No
KAYLA: There’s rats they’ve trained to sniff out like trafficked animals
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: And they have them in little vests, and there’s leashes attached to the little vests.
SARAH: Oh my God. I’m going to put this at the end of the episode.
KAYLA: Perfect
SARAH: You send me the rats in vests and I’ll send you the rat in a hat that is not actually a hat.
KAYLA: Okay. Rat swap
SARAH: Rat swap
KAYLA: They’re so sweet-looking, they’re doing such a good job
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: Hehehe. It is at work?
SARAH: Oh my God, a working rat
KAYLA: I’m a working rat
SARAH: There’s also like bomb rats, you know?
KAYLA: I have not heard of a bomb rat
SARAH: In like, I want to say it's like in Vietnam or like Cambodia like places where they have a lot of old IEDs not IUDs
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: IEDs, that are like just still in the ground
KAYLA: Oh, the rats?
SARAH: They train these rats to sniff them out and find them
KAYLA: Wow, rats at work
SARAH: One of them was named Ronan I believe. Anyway…
KAYLA: Great
SARAH: Bye guys
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
