Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 330: Gen Z Dating Slang
Hey what's up hello! This week we're talking about (alleged) Gen Z dating slang. And the moon, apparently.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/gen-z-dating-slang
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SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl. (That's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Slang for Romance.’
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Hi.
SARAH: I'm tired.
KAYLA: Sarah worked late today.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. No one liked it.
KAYLA: Mm-mm. I even like extra caffeinated today because I was like, it's a podcast day, I need to remember to like double my caffeine on podcast days. But then it's starting to wane already because it's later than usual.
SARAH: Oh, no.
KAYLA: But I just ate two pieces of candy, so I'm hoping that helps.
SARAH: Great. Well, I've started my caffeine now, but that doesn't matter for me.
KAYLA: It doesn't do anything to you. Yeah.
SARAH: Kayla, do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: I do actually have a bit of housekeeping.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: I received two lovely letters recently with some buttons in them for my button collection.
SARAH: How recently?
KAYLA: Well, I picked them up from the post office last week. It looks like this one is postmarked from January 7th. And this one, I cannot see the postmark, but it does have a Lunar New Year Forever Stamp. So it can't be that old.
SARAH: I'm just saying I went to the post office on Saturday because there was a flower over there.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: And I checked my mail.
KAYLA: So that's what it takes for you to check your mail?
SARAH: Yeah. And all I had was a Ralphs’ Rewards mail for someone named Anna, who I get a lot of her mail.
KAYLA: That's nice.
SARAH: It's all just like junk mail though.
KAYLA: Maybe if you told the listeners something that you collect, they would have something to send you. Because these letters were specifically sent to me…
SARAH: Sanity.
KAYLA: To send me buttons.
SARAH: Right. I don't like things though is the problem.
KAYLA: Yeah. So, I want to say thank you to...
SARAH: Send me photo cards.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: But not of people I don't know.
KAYLA: Wow. Okay. Anyway, I would like to say thank you to Sefrania Maple from Discord.
SARAH: Ooh.
KAYLA: They sent me buttons that came off of their work shirt because it ripped in the middle of the work day. So now I have their work shirt buttons.
SARAH: Ooh.
KAYLA: And then an extra special thank you to Sammy, who sent me several buttons, who also collects buttons, and sent me some lovely buttons from their collection, including some that have very, very special meaning to them, so it was very lovely that they decided to share those with me.
SARAH: Aw.
KAYLA: So, thank you.
SARAH: That's so nice. Thank you. I don't know why I'm thanking you, they're not my buttons, but thanks.
KAYLA: I've started putting the buttons I've gotten from pod listeners in a separate container so I can be like, those are my pod buttons, so. It's all very exciting.
SARAH: Special pod buttons.
KAYLA: Pod buttons.
SARAH: Aw. Delightful. All right, great. Kayla, what are we talking about this week? Oh.
KAYLA: The cat is in here.
SARAH: Sorry, I just like closed my eyes for a second because I'm tired and I opened my eyes…
KAYLA: I'm going to show you my cat.
SARAH: And Kayla was holding up her cat, sort of like a presentation at a cat show, sort of like a gun.
KAYLA: Yes. She likes to be stretched like that, you can stretch her really good. Anyway.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: This week, we are going to be discovering some new slang for, I think, mostly specifically dating, not sex. But I was looking up some slang, because I was like, certainly there’s some new slang that we don't really know
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And we'll have fun trying to guess what it means based on the name.
SARAH: We're old.
KAYLA: We're old now.
SARAH: We are old now.
KAYLA: We’re old.
SARAH: When we started this pod, we were not old.
KAYLA: We were young.
SARAH: According to society. But now…
KAYLA: And the people in the comments being like, these fucking young girls trying to give me advice.
SARAH: They don't know shit.
KAYLA: Bitch. Shut up. But so this is from SafeSpaceCounselingServices.com.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: So, it has got to be reputable. And it's Gen Z slang terms for love and romance.
SARAH: Do you identify as Gen Z? I know we talked about this, but I forget.
KAYLA: I would say solidly zellennial.
SARAH: Me too.
KAYLA: I do identify strongly with Gen Z, but most of my childhood, I thought I was a millennial, because that's all people were talking about.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, I didn't realize until I was in college. Like when we were in college, that's when people were like, Gen Z.
SARAH: You're Gen Z?
KAYLA: Maybe even after that.
SARAH: Yeah. And I was like, “what are you talking about? I've been told I'm a millennial my whole life.”
KAYLA: I know. But the millennial pink. So yeah, I would say I feel like a zellennial, especially with just how much I'm on the internet.
SARAH: Yeah. So, this slang is not for us, because we're old.
KAYLA: We're old.
SARAH: Before we do this, though, can I give you slang that is actually for millennials, perhaps even elder millennials, but actually none of them used it?
KAYLA: Ooh. Okay.
SARAH: Okay, I was listening to the podcast ‘Behind the Bastards,’ which is a great podcast I would recommend, and they were doing a whole series about whether Oprah Winfrey is a bastard or not, as they define bastard. She actually was born out of wedlock.
KAYLA: Well. I didn’t know.
SARAH: But that's not how they define bastard. But on these episodes, one of the things they were talking about, much of what they were talking about, is the people that she has platformed on her show who are super problematic, like Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil and that sort of thing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Marianne Williamson, apparently, got a real start with Oprah.
KAYLA: Do I know who that is?
SARAH: She ran for the president recently, and she's crazy.
KAYLA: Oh, okay, great.
SARAH: And they were also talking about some of the specific causes that she talked about. Like she had a huge hand in satanic panic and all of that sort of stuff.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: And like she did do some good stuff. She brought trans people on and had genuine dialogues with them and weren't trying to be like, look at this. But she also did some garbage shit. And one of the things they talked about was when she created a real panic around 2004, I believe, around what were called rainbow parties. Now, rainbow parties were what all of the teens were doing. And parents, you need to watch out and make sure your kids are not going to rainbow parties because they're just, ooh, no, no, no, no, no. Now, the person who brought this to her was like, I talked to 50 teen girls, and many of them had heard of rainbow parties. And that was like the... Not have attended.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Anyway, but would you like to guess what rainbow parties are?
KAYLA: Is it just like a boy-girl party?
SARAH: It's a little more than that.
KAYLA: An all-gender party?
SARAH: In my brain, I think it's something queer related, but it's 2004, okay? We're not that progressed yet.
KAYLA: The reason I said a boy-girl party is because I feel like in the early 2000s, it was like I never had this experience because I wasn't cool and I wasn't going places.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: But I feel like in early 2000s movies, they talk about like, “oh, I'm going to my first boy-girl party,” like your first like...
SARAH: The first time I went to a boy-girl party, which wasn't a boy-girl party, it was just like my friend's birthday where there were boys there. Like it wasn't like...
KAYLA: Uh-huh.
SARAH: It was just her birthday.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I was a freshman in high school, and my mom was like, “if you want to come home at any time...”
KAYLA: Oh, my God, Julie.
SARAH: “Just call me.”
KAYLA: Julie, please.
SARAH: Anyway, that night lives in infamy on my Facebook. Actually, there are several pictures.
KAYLA: It always does.
SARAH: No alcohol was consumed. When I say that night lives in infamy, I mean, you know, like 13-year-old.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway, rainbow parties are supposedly this thing that probably maybe happened once that an old perverted man thought of, and then they said all teens were doing it. It is supposedly when there are boys and girls, and the girls all wear a different color of lipstick. Do you see where this is going?
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: And then they do the oral sex on the boys.
KAYLA: Oh. Oh, that's not where I thought this was going.
SARAH: Where did you think it was going?
KAYLA: I was like, they all just like kiss, and the lipstick mixes all together.
SARAH: I mean, that's a fair guess.
KAYLA: In my mind, I was like, who cares if your teens are going to a kissing party? It's not that big a deal. I see.
SARAH: I mean, a lot of mothers watching Oprah would have cared about that too, but no, you do the oral sex, and then left on the ween supposedly is a rainbow of lipstick marks.
KAYLA: I don't think that's practically what would happen.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: I don't either. And are you making sure that they only go a certain-
KAYLA: You would have to be like-
SARAH: If you're the third person to suck this guy's dick, like do you have to make sure you don't go too far?
KAYLA: You only can go up like halfway. Yeah, or else you're going to smear the colors that are definitely still there.
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: It's just not anything.
SARAH: But they were like rainbow parties, and it was a whole thing, and no evidence that they actually existed.
KAYLA: Do you think it was, is she was really sad that her and her adult friends, like she had never been invited to an adult rainbow party?
SARAH: I don't think so. Based on the vibe of just what she was going for with her show, I don't really think it was about her.
KAYLA: You don’t think she was into that? The youth?
SARAH: Yeah, just eyeballs and… Anyway, you should listen to the podcast episodes, they’re very good. They're like recent, so you won't have to dive through six billion episodes to find them. But if you're listening to this in the future, you will.
KAYLA: I'll think on that.
SARAH: But one of the guests on the show like remembered hearing about rainbow parties when she was in high school, and remembered it being a thing.
KAYLA: From Oprah? Or from like…
SARAH: From Oprah.
KAYLA: It was actually happening? Oh.
SARAH: Oh, no, from Oprah, because it wasn't actually happening.
KAYLA: Okay, yeah, yeah.
SARAH: I guess her mom was like, “are these things happening?” And she was like, “no.”
KAYLA: No. Hello.
SARAH: And even if they were, I'm not cool enough to be invited.
KAYLA: And also, would you tell your parent? Would you just be like, “yeah, yes.”
SARAH: Very few people would.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think this happened once.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Or someone just was like, yeah, I'm cool. I went to this party from a different school, and they just completely made it up.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Also, like you have to have the many different colors of lipstick, because who's the one who's like, “fuck yeah, I got red?” Who's the one who's like, “shit, I got dark purple, and it doesn't match my complexion?” Who's the one who’s got like orange?
KAYLA: Especially like in 2004.
SARAH: Orange can be really hit or miss.
KAYLA: 2004?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like the makeup technology was not what we have now. So, like the pigment on those lipsticks, I don't think would be good enough.
SARAH: Yeah, like imagine like a blue lipstick from 2004.
KAYLA: It was clear, your honor.
SARAH: Green? Oh my god.
KAYLA: They don't make makeup… they didn't make makeup like they do now.
SARAH: Anyway, let's go on to the Gen Z slangs, that was my contribution.
KAYLA: Okay, so I'm gonna try not to read ahead. I think this is just like in alphabetical order maybe. Yeah. Of some dating slangs. So, I'm just gonna read the word, and we can try to figure out what we think it is.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Okay, ready?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: The first one is affordating, or affor-dating. Basically, the word afford, combined with the word dating.
SARAH: Afford, like A-F-F-O-R-D?
KAYLA: Yeah, A-F-F-O-R-D-A-T-I-N-G, is the whole slang word.
SARAH: It's dating on a budget. It's when you refuse to go on a date anywhere where the meal costs more than $20.
KAYLA: I think this makes sense. It's dates for children, when you have no money.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yes, we did it. It's a budget-friendly way of dating in which you choose low-cost dating activities and split the expenses equally.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: We're so smart. Okay, the next one I think we probably both know is ‘beige flags.’
SARAH: Yeah, like neutral things about someone that's notable and maybe a little weird, but it's not a red flag and it's not a green flag. It's just beige.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's just how they are.
SARAH: What's your beige flag?
KAYLA: Well, this website says that beige flags are early warning signs of incompatibility and are often found in people who are quite basic and boring.
SARAH: I don't think that's right. Remind me what website this is from?
KAYLA: SafeSpaceCounselingServices.com.au
SARAH: Maybe it's Australian, like that interpretation is the Australian version, but my understanding of beige flags is not that.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think it's just kind of like inane, slightly weird things or like slightly unique things.
SARAH: What's your beige flag with our definition? Mine is probably my eating habits.
KAYLA: I was going to say yours is the way you like eat a goldfish. It's like it's not a deal breaker, but it's like that's certainly something.
SARAH: For someone who's like a major foodie, my eating habits might be a deal breaker.
KAYLA: Yes. That's fair. Or if you have like some sort of like food phobia or something about like listening or watching people eat, then the way you eat could be disturbing, I suppose.
SARAH: I mean, I don't intentionally bring attention to it, but it's interesting.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, it's not like you're like, “hey, guys, look at me taking my sandwich apart layer by layer,” but like if I'm eating with you, I'm going to be like, “oh, that's happening.”
SARAH: Yeah. I'm also pretty slow a lot of times because it's a methodical thing that has steps and I'm just a slow person, so.
KAYLA: Yeah. What's my beige flag? I don't know.
SARAH: Your beige flag is that you think Paul Rudd and James Marsden look like the same person.
KAYLA: That’s so true, they look the same. I really do. Have we talked about this on the podcast before? Because I would love to get people's thoughts on this.
SARAH: I'm sure we have at least three times.
KAYLA: I just like… and the thing is, too, no one else sees it.
SARAH: No one.
KAYLA: And like I… it's not a joke. I genuinely will be like talking about a movie and be like, “oh, yeah, James Marsden is in it.” And whoever I'm talking to is like, “nope, you did it wrong again.” Like it’s not… I'm not trying.
SARAH: You got it wrong.
KAYLA: But I like convinced someone else must see it. So sometimes I'll Google like Paul Rudd, James Marsden to see if they like come up in a picture next to each other where some website is like, ‘oh, are these celebrities who look like each other?’ No. It's really just me.
SARAH: No. It's just you.
KAYLA: I started having issues with Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman recently, but that one, they look very similar. And remember, they played each other's like body doubles in the Star Wars prequels.
SARAH: They did?
KAYLA: Yeah. Remember, one of them was like, whatever, the main girl.
SARAH: Padme?
KAYLA: Padme. And the other one played like her assistant who pretended to be her at one point when she was like hiding or whatever.
SARAH: Oh, right.
KAYLA: So that one I'm justified in because I've seen lots of videos of people saying they look alike and they like played each other's like body doubles.
SARAH: I think it makes more sense than Paul Rudd and James Marsden. Certainly.
KAYLA: That is my beige flag for sure. Okay. What is benching?
SARAH: It's… oh, in my brain, I was like, “it's when you lift weights,” when you're like… but no, it's when you have a roster of people you're dating and someone that you put them on the bench. You're like, “I'm not going to see you for a little while because I don't think you're my best option.”
KAYLA: Correct. It is putting someone on the back burner while exploring other options.
SARAH: Or it's when you are laying down on your back and you have a weight.
KAYLA: This behavior could be hurtful and often the person doing it may not even be aware of the impact it has on others until they experience it themselves. Thank you, Safespacecounselingservices.com.au.
SARAH: Okay. But that's assuming the person being benched knows they're being benched.
KAYLA: Um, yes.
SARAH: I feel like in many cases they might not.
KAYLA: Uh, I think depending on the level of interaction you have with the person outside of dating them, you could tell of like, I went from having a lot of dates with this person to like seeing on their Instagram that it seems like they've been with someone else a lot and they haven't been talking to me and then all of a sudden, they like started hitting me up again.
SARAH: Well, don't put it on your Instagram, bro.
KAYLA: I'm just saying there's ways. Okay. What is breadcrumbing?
SARAH: It's when you leave breadcrumbs behind you to get someone to chase after you.
KAYLA: I think I agree. Like stringing someone along is my guess.
SARAH: Yeah. It's like stringing someone along, but specifically to make them chase you. You don't want to have to pursue them. You want to make them pursue you. It's like an upper hand thing.
KAYLA: Okay. I think we're basically right but they had like a slightly different thing. It's when someone consistently checks in with a romantic prospect, dangling the possibility of a date and keeping them interested but never following through with a relationship.
SARAH: Hmm. Do they follow through with the dates?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Or they don’t follow through with the relationship?
KAYLA: No. So, it's like just flirting with someone, but you like never actually do anything.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: About it.
SARAH: That makes sense.
KAYLA: Which seems stinky. Oh, I don't… I have no guess for this. Cobwebbing.
SARAH: It's when you put up a trap to try and trap someone and get them so you can date them.
KAYLA: My guess is, I feel like it's got to be something similar to breadcrumbing. Maybe it's like...
SARAH: It's when you post… it's when you post something specifically…
KAYLA: I was just going to say that, I was just going to say that.
SARAH: Specifically, to target one person.
KAYLA: I was just going to say that. No, we're wrong. It's getting rid of reminders of a past relationship similar to clearing out cobwebs in your home.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: It's like getting rid of like old sweaters, photos, et cetera.
SARAH: That's not cobwebbing. That's de-cobwebbing.
KAYLA: That's cleaning. Yeah, I don't like… whatever child came up with that, I disagree.
SARAH: Can I tell you something funny?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I have a friend who, there is this person that they knew in college five, six years ago. They were never like good friends in college. They just like had a couple of classes together, follow each other on social media. They have not seen each other since before the pandemic.
KAYLA: Okay. Great.
[00:20:00]
SARAH: They have not seen each other since college graduation. And every couple of years, this person starts responding with fire emojis to my friend's selfies and stuff and their stories and it happened again recently. And my friend was like, my friend who is Asian was like, I guess his previous Asian girlfriend must have broken up with him so he's back on me.
KAYLA: Ah, that was my first thought was like, every time he breaks up with someone, he's like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: He doesn't live near this friend, does he?
SARAH: I'm actually not sure, I don't even know.
KAYLA: Like it's not like they could pretend.
SARAH: I don't know. But I did ask, I was like, “you haven't seen him?” And they're like, “no. No.”
KAYLA: That's so odd.
SARAH: But then my friend sent me a screenshot of some of the most recent Instagram messages they had sent, the previous one was in 2023, like flirty and there was nothing for a while.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then there was this response and I saw that my friend had liked all of his messages and I was like, “girl, you have got to stop liking this man's DMs.”
KAYLA: Oh, I see. Yeah.
SARAH: You're not encouraging him. She's not flirting with him, but she's like, still, and I was like… she was like, “but I don't want to be mean.” And I was like, “no, no, no, you have got to stop.”
KAYLA: You have got to be.
SARAH: Ignore him.
KAYLA: My diagnosis is that every time he gets out of a relationship, he feels like he still needs some sort of like romantic satisfaction in some way.
SARAH: And she's the go-to.
KAYLA: And so, she's like the in-between, like the holdover between.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So odd.
SARAH: Yeah. So, anyway, continue.
KAYLA: Okay. Our next one is ‘cookie jarring.’ And based on the story you just told, I'm going to say cookie jarring is when you like keep, I guess similar to like benching someone, you like keep situationships or something like in a jar for later.
SARAH: I think ‘cookie jarring,’ because you know, it's the question of who stole the cookie from the cookie jar
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: And who me couldn't be. I think cookie… no, this doesn't make sense. I was going to say it's, it's like if you, there's someone, person one is seeing person two and then person three swoops in and like steals person one. But that doesn't make sense because everyone would know that person three did it. It couldn't be a who me couldn't be situation.
KAYLA: I think it could be that. Like a stealing situation. Let's look.
SARAH: But I feel like there are other terms that would come up first before that.
KAYLA: This is weird. Looking for a relationship with another person as a backup option similar to how you might grab a cookie for a quick treat. A person might engage in cookie jarring if the person they truly want is unavailable or has turned them down. Okay, mine was kind of right then. Like I'm just using this person to hold me over.
SARAH: Yeah. I just, I don't… I think there's a better metaphor.
KAYLA: I mean, I don't think it makes sense. I think it's stupid, but like.
SARAH: Because I… like, I'm never like, “Oh my God, I want that cake, but I can't have that cake. So let me have a cookie from the cookie jar.”
KAYLA: So, I’m going to eat a cookie instead.
SARAH: If I eat a cookie from the cookie jar, it's because I want a fucking cookie.
KAYLA: I just cannot imagine someone actually using this term, especially a Gen Z person.
SARAH: No, I can’t either.
KAYLA: Like there's no way.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: That's real. Okay. The next one is ‘cuffle.’
SARAH: Cuffle?
KAYLA: C-U-F-F-L-E.
SARAH: It's something… it's couple… It's couple.
KAYLA: My guess is that…
SARAH: Right.
SARAH: It's couple and cuffing.
KAYLA: My guess it's like you're just a couple for cuffing season.
SARAH: Cuffing season. Yeah. I think that makes sense.
KAYLA: Yeah. A cuffle is a date focused solely on cuddling with no anticipation of sexual intimacy, that's kind of fun.
SARAH: Oh, it's not couple. It's cuddle. No. Cuffle.
KAYLA: Yeah. I guess. It's a cuddle date.
SARAH: I'm so confused.
KAYLA: Again, not the best wording.
SARAH: It would make so much more sense if it was cuffing couple. You're only coupling for the cuffing time, that would make so much more sense than cuffle.
KAYLA: Because also people do that. I think we've come up with something better.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Okay. The next one is ‘cuffing,’ and this one we know.
SARAH: It's cuffing season.
KAYLA: Season. Yes. Being cuffed is being tied down to one partner typically during the colder months known as cuffing season. Okay. What is ‘cushioning?’
SARAH: Cushioning?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: It's when you work out your glutes a lot so that you get a big butt.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: So that when you sit down you have a nice cushion.
KAYLA: And so, this is dating slang?
SARAH: Yeah. It's because you do it because other people will like your cushion butt.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: They will like it if you're gonna sit on top of them it's more comfortable for them because you have a cushiony butt.
KAYLA: You don't have a bony butt?
SARAH: Correct.
KAYLA: Interesting. My guess is that it's when you're breaking up with someone but you're like trying to let them down easy.
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: Ah! Ugh. I was close-ish. Before breaking up with someone you make plans with a new person to… so before breaking up, okay? Before.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: You make plans with a new person to avoid the negative emotions that come with a breakup. This involves having multiple backup relationships, safety cushions, in case the main one doesn't last. Hey, that's fucked up.
SARAH: I don't like that.
KAYLA: It sounds like a bench but while you're in a relationship.
SARAH: I mean, correct me if I'm wrong but that's not monogamy which is fine if what you're doing is openly non-monogamous but if people assume that monogamy is happening...
KAYLA: It's not like you're dating these other people though. You're just like keeping them primed. So, it's like the bench, but you shouldn't have a bench when you're in a relationship because that's weird.
SARAH: Yeah, I think it's still a little definitely in the non-monogamous direction.
KAYLA: I guess I can see it as like… it's like uh… it feels more like emotional cheating to me because I get if you're keeping these people on the string you have to be giving some level of like emotional something.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair. Sarah, what is ‘cyber flashing?’
SARAH: It's when you show them your tits over the internet.
KAYLA: That is my guess as well. Oh, okay, close. Sending unwanted sexual images through a digital platform. I guess that makes sense.
SARAH: Yeah, because flashing is often unwanted. Not always, but often.
KAYLA: Often. What is ‘daterview?’
SARAH: It's when you're… it's like you're interviewing…
KAYLA: Pay-per-view?
SARAH: No, you're like interviewing someone on a date. The date is like to interview them to see if they're a good fit for the position of your partner.
KAYLA: You are correct. A date that resembles an interview due to the lack of natural conversation flow with one person consistently asking questions.
SARAH: I'm a genius.
KAYLA: Interesting. You’re so smart.
SARAH: I'm so good at this. I actually didn't really get that one right, but I'll pretend I did.
KAYLA: I mean, you got the word interview for sure. I was thinking of pay-per-view, so and that was nothing, so.
SARAH: That's not it. Hey, the fact that you thought of pay-per-view leads me to believe you might be a millennial.
KAYLA: I'm not. It's just that Dean has a friend that he goes to his house to watch fights and it's pay-per-view.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: So.
SARAH: In the Lord's year 2025?
KAYLA: Well, that's how you watch fights still. Isn't that crazy?
SARAH: Wild. All right, continue.
KAYLA: I think. I actually don't know. You know what's funny too is it's pay-per-view. I always think it's like paper.
SARAH: Yeah, it's not.
KAYLA: It's not. It's kind of like the ‘Dawn’s Early’ situation.
SARAH: Yeah, it really is.
KAYLA: That's my beige flag. That's my beige flag.
SARAH: Okay, that's deep lore.
KAYLA: That is a really deep lore.
SARAH: That’s deep lore, please elaborate.
KAYLA: Okay, I don't even know what. It was from a really old episode, but we were talking about the national anthem, or is that the... no, it’s not.
SARAH: It's the national anthem.
KAYLA: What's the other America song?
SARAH: “America, love you…”
KAYLA: ‘God Bless America,’ I guess.
SARAH: That was a whole different one.
KAYLA: In the national anthem, there's a line that says, “By Dawn’s Early…”
SARAH: No, no, no. “By the Dawn’s Early light.”
KAYLA: Yeah, like by the light of the early dawn.
SARAH: It's imagery. The sun is rising on the flag, and the flag still stands and it's emotional because we were not defeated overnight.
KAYLA: Right. Anyway, so I grew up... I never read the lyrics because I'm not a fucking nerd. And so, when you listen to people singing it, they kind of, you know, they drag the words into each other because they're singing. And so, I thought they were saying ‘Donzerly.’ And that's not a word, but like I thought it was like a word, Donzerly. Because, I don't know. And so, yeah.
SARAH: Can I give you my equivalent of ‘Donzerly,’ which I realized somewhat recently?
KAYLA: I wish you would.
SARAH: I forgot what it is exactly, so let me look up these texts that I sent to my sister.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Okay. You know, in Our Father, like the Lord's Prayer?
KAYLA: Uh-huh.
SARAH: Okay, so it says, it goes, “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven, give us this day our daily bread….
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I realized...
KAYLA: I can't wait for this.
SARAH: I realized like a week ago.
KAYLA: Uh-oh.
SARAH: That it's ‘thy will be done.’ Like the will of God needs...
KAYLA: Yeah.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Will be done on earth as it is in heaven. My entire life, because I had just memorized this, right? A good Catholic kid memorized that shit at catechism.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: My entire life, I just never really thought about it, and I interpreted it as like, Thy will be done, like you will be done.
KAYLA: Oh. I was about to say that I think that's reasonable, because like why would a child... Like it's a... It is not an easy sentence.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: So, like I think probably as a child, I probably thought like, thy will be done is like, yeah, it'll get done.
SARAH: Thy will be done.
KAYLA: Not in like such a sinister way that yours is.
SARAH: On earth as it is in heaven, which like when you think about it, it doesn't make sense.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: What do you mean? What do you mean, you will be done on earth as it is in heaven? You're dead in heaven?
KAYLA: I'll do you… I was thinking like sex. Like I'll do you like I do on earth and heaven.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Yeah. Well, yeah, I just never thought about it. And I never even thought about how that didn't make sense.
KAYLA: Well, I'm glad you shared this with me, but I still think mine is worse.
SARAH: I don't think that's nearly as bad as ‘Donzerly.’ I agree.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think mine's way worse. Cool.
SARAH: I agree.
KAYLA: I'm glad we brought this back up so the people that haven't listened to old episodes can know it too. That's cool.
SARAH: Donzerly, D-O-N-Z-E-R-L-Y.
KAYLA: She lives in a Donzerly.
SARAH: And so do I.
KAYLA: And so do I. Okay, next. What does ‘dip/dipping/dipped’ mean?
SARAH: It's when you're having sex and someone who has a penis just dips it in just a little.
KAYLA: No, no. Nope. I really hope that's not the answer. I think the non-sex slang for this is like, “oh, I'm going to dip.” Like, “I'm going to leave.”
SARAH: Yeah, I’m going to leave.
KAYLA: But I don't think this would be a breakup thing. My guess is going to be, I'm afraid that you're right, but my guess is going to be that you just stick your little toe into a relationship.
SARAH: Test it out. Testing out the waters.
KAYLA: You’re dipping, testing it out.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Oh, to leave especially suddenly or prematurely. I didn't know anyone at the party so I dipped, that's not dating slang.
SARAH: That's not dating slang.
KAYLA: That sucks.
SARAH: See, that is the error of the publication
KAYLA: Not us.
SARAH: Because that is not dating slang.
KAYLA: It’s not.
SARAH: And so, we were trying to make it something it wasn't and it never was.
KAYLA: Well, I'm glad it wasn't yours because that sucked.
SARAH: Me too.
KAYLA: Okay, what is ‘dry dating?’
SARAH: It's when you… okay, it's one of two things.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: It's when you date but you don't drink on any of your dates. Or it's when you date but you don't get up to any shenanigans with any of your dates.
KAYLA: Those are also my two… nope. Those are also my two guesses. I'm leaning towards the alcohol one because I have heard people
SARAH: Me too.
KAYLA: Talk about like, oh, I always go for drinks on first dates or like I always have a drink before a date to calm my nerves and I'm like trying not to do that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yes, we're right. The movement towards dating sober or dry dating. While alcohol is often used as a tool to help us feel more at ease and reduce inhibitions, some argue that it's not essential to have it when getting to know someone.
SARAH: Well, also if you're using it as a social lubricant then in the first amount of time that you know someone like they only know you a little tipsy
KAYLA: It’s true.
SARAH: And like it's important that they know who you are when you're not a little tipsy unless you're an alcoholic and you're always a little tipsy in which case I hope you get treatment.
KAYLA: Seek assistance, please. The next one is ‘DTR.’ We know this one.
SARAH: Define the relationship baby.
KAYLA: Wow, this one has a long answer because of what with it being a counseling service website. A DTR conversation short for ‘define the relationship’ is a crucial moment in a relationship where you clarify the nature of your connection and then it continues to go on but I'm bored and I'm not going to read that.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: What does ‘eclipsing’ mean?
SARAH: It's when the sun...
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: It's when the moon…
KAYLA: Nope
SARAH: Comes in front of the sun.
KAYLA: Can I tell you something about the moon?
SARAH: She's a lesbian?
KAYLA: She is gay.
SARAH: That's more deep lore. I love this…
KAYLA: I was actually thinking about that episode today.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: I don't know why. Have you seen any of the Sonic movies?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: They're good, first of all, and that is James Marsden.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: I think.
SARAH: Yes, that's correct.
KAYLA: Hell yeah.
SARAH: Wild, but I had to confirm that for you given that I've never seen any of them.
KAYLA: Never seen it, yeah. It is wild. They're good movies. Would recommend. In the third one, which just came out recently, I'm going to spoil it right now. So, don't... Yeah, but it's still... We saw it in theaters last week, so it's like not too...
SARAH: Oh, it's still in theaters? Yeah.
KAYLA: Anyway. Like one theater in all of Boston.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Anyway. I'm about to spoil part of the end, so.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: Skip ahead, I guess. So, at the end, they're up in space and there's a laser that the stinky guys are trying to point at the Earth to blow up the whole Earth and Sonic and his boys are like, “no.” So they're using their super strength to push it so it's not pointing at Earth anymore. And in doing that, the laser chops...
SARAH: What if we just take the laser and we push it somewhere else?
KAYLA: Literally. And you know what happened? The laser is not pointing at Earth anymore, but it's going in an arc when it finally goes off. And so, you know what it does? It cuts the lower third of the moon off. And then the movie, shortly after, ends. And there's going to be another movie, and if they don't address the moon… Sarah, if they don't address that, I’m going to… I've been thinking about it nonstop since I saw this movie.
SARAH: Kayla, I…
KAYLA: They chopped off the lower third of the moon.
SARAH: I'm genuinely concerned about gravitational pulls and the tides.
KAYLA: This is what I'm saying. And then I looked it up. I was like, what would happen? And then I found some movie review website that had similar feelings to me, that was like, “if they don't address the moon in the next movie, then the whole integrity of this movie series is out the window.” And I was like, “yeaaaaaah.” But I was looking it up.
SARAH: It's a movie series about an animated Hedgehog that runs really fast, but all the people are people.
KAYLA: But they made the good point, though, of if they don't address the moon problem, then it means that there's no consequences to any actions in the movie. And that's not good world building.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Anyway, so I was looking up what would happen if the moon became injured. And the tides, yes.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Also, the moon is what keeps the earth on the correct tilt, which is what gives us the seasons. And so, if the moon was fucked up, the earth would just be wiggling. And so, it could just be a different season every day.
SARAH: That's not good.
KAYLA: Also, like where's the chunk of the moon gonna go, into earth?
SARAH: It would probably just... So, the moon is in orbit around the earth, and the earth is moving, and the moon is moving, and then it's all moving around the sun. So, I think... Okay, one of two things happens. Either it fully breaks off and an object in motion stays in motion, an object at rest stays at rest. It's no longer a part of the…
KAYLA: Does that count in space, though?
SARAH: If it has... That's true, because it is about gravity.
KAYLA: Did physics do space?
SARAH: No, because, yes, yes.
KAYLA: Yeah, because like a jet propulsion…
SARAH: There's momentum, yeah.
KAYLA: Things move in space.
SARAH: It only doesn't work in a... Like, space is a vacuum, but things still move in space.
KAYLA: Right. But things have gravity.
SARAH: Someone is gonna email us and tell us we're so off.
KAYLA: And I wish... No, I wish they would, because here's the thing is, I did not see enough people on the internet talking about the moon situation in this movie, and it pissed me off. Like, I have not stopped thinking about this. I'm gonna need someone who knows about the moon.
SARAH: So, either the bit that was chopped off just kind of like slows down. Like, it's not gonna be orbiting the Earth at the same speed because it doesn't have the same gravitational pull, so it might just float away. I think more likely it might become a second moon.
KAYLA: See, one of my... I was bringing this to one of my friends…
SARAH: It would be pulled back into orbit.
KAYLA: One of my friends was like, “oh, it'll just get reconnected to the moon.” Like, it'll gravity itself together.
SARAH: No. No.
KAYLA: And I said, “shut up.”
SARAH: That's not true.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: It will... I think the most likely thing, me, a person who took two astronomy classes in college
KAYLA: Astronomy tests. Yeah.
SARAH: And don't remember a damn thing from them, is I think the moon will become another mini moon that will also create an orbit around the Earth, and it will eventually kind of collapse into itself and become round. And the moon will re-round itself, but be smaller over a long period of time.
KAYLA: I'm googling what would happen if the moon would cut in half. Oh. So, I see the moon in half would be disastrous for Earth, but beautiful, according to newscientists.com.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: So...
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: I have to read you this one sentence, and then we can move on from the moon situation. While the moon may be beautiful hanging in the night sky, it is the nemesis of many astronomers, because its light often outshines the dimmer objects they're trying to observe. Leave her alone.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to write to Dear Hank and John.
KAYLA: Wait, can you ask your cousin that works at NASA?
SARAH: Oh my God, yes. I mean, that's not the type of science she does.
KAYLA: But certainly, she has to know someone. Can you ask her to get someone to come on the podcast about the moon? This person on Reddit also said that the moon would just crash back into itself. I just don't know that I believe that. This is all too... I need someone to say it to me, like, stupid.
SARAH: This is why I need... We need to write to Dear Hank and John and make them answer it.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I've sent them a lot of questions before, though, and they've never answered them on the pod, at least as far as I'm aware.
KAYLA: We have the email of someone on Hank's team somewhere, because remember one time we promoted his book?
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: We could just be like, “please, I know you're not the right person for this, but this is an emergency.”
SARAH: The person we really need to get it to is Rosanna Halse Rojas, she is the one who call the questions.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: So, just...
KAYLA: Well, you try NASA, and then we can work on that.
SARAH: Okay. Anyway...
KAYLA: So anyway, what does eclipsing mean?
SARAH: It's when the moon goes in front of the sun.
KAYLA: I'm gonna guess it's when you have, like, two relationships that overlap.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: When you probably should not be doing that.
SARAH: And they cause a lot of damage to your eyeballs if you look at it directly.
KAYLA: Oh. That's interesting. I don't know that I quite get why eclipsing is the word for this, but it is a situation where someone suddenly becomes interested in all the same hobbies, passions, and interests as their new partner.
SARAH: So, they're, like, absorbing your interests, I guess?
KAYLA: I guess, changing your own interests and even personality to align with the other person.
SARAH: Or, maybe, it was initially the first person who ever coined this term. The person that they were changing their hobbies to be like was really, really into ‘Eclipse,’ the book in the ‘Twilight Series.’
KAYLA: Oh. Oh.
SARAH: Not just the ‘Twilight Series,’ but specifically ‘Eclipse.’
KAYLA: Specifically, ‘Eclipse.’ I mean, hey, maybe.
SARAH: What's next?
KAYLA: Should we do one more, or did I spend too much time on the moon?
SARAH: Hit me with one more. We can knock it out.
KAYLA: Okay. And we can do this more, because this is… we're only on the Es of this list, so if y'all want more, hit us up.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: Okay, this last one we're going to do is ‘eco-dumping.’
SARAH: It's when you shit…
KAYLA: An environmentally friendly way to dump someone.
SARAH: It's when you dump someone by shitting on them ecologically. What?
KAYLA: It involves ending a date because of someone's lack of commitment to the environmental cause. For example, when your views on climate change and the environment don't align. Is this happening so often that we've had to coin a phrase?
SARAH: Wow. Maybe. Although I am kind of imagining the extreme of this, where it's like, “you accepted a straw? This is over.”
KAYLA: Maybe that's how that starts. I honestly can see that.
SARAH: But listen, if they give you a straw, and it is in any way not pristine anymore.
KAYLA: Yeah, they will throw it away.
SARAH: Like the paper that it's in, they will throw it away. So, you might as well fucking use it.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If it's still perfectly pristine, give it back.
KAYLA: Yeah. Though a lot of places do ask now, which is nice.
SARAH: Yeah, we've had this problem where at work we order food a lot for lunch. We didn't used to, but now we do. And a lot of times, even if you get something delivered, even if you tell them you don't need silverware, they'll still give it to you, just like out of habit. And like sometimes it's compostable, which is nice because I can put it in the compost. But then other times it's like, well, I already have this fucking plastic fork.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: What am I going to do? Not use it?
KAYLA: I like to save them for when we're behind on doing the dishes and we have no forks left, which is happening more often than it should for people. It's just two people living together.
SARAH: I had to buy more forks at Target.
KAYLA: Well, yours went missing.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: I thought you were missing forks.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: You just used too many.
SARAH: Well, to be fair, it was when I still had a roommate
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: But I still… my forks and my knives I will fully run out, and that's when I have to… I was actually talking to someone recently, I was talking to pod superstar Dalton King.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: I was talking to Dalton King about this with my former roommate, and we were saying how when we lived together, a lot of times the rest of the dishwasher wouldn't be all the way full, but we would have to run it because we were out of forks.
KAYLA: Silverware. Yeah. Do you think… I wish Dalton King still wrote porn so that he could write one about the moon getting cut in half.
SARAH: I think you should text that to him right now.
KAYLA: Okay. The problem is when we call him Dalton King, I forget his real name. I remembered it. Oh, I forgot his name in my phone is his real first name, and then, ‘the little porn man.’
SARAH: The little porn man. Please make this a group chat. I would like to see this.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah. Obviously.
SARAH: Okay. While you're doing that, what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: What would happen if the moon got cut in half?
SARAH: If the moon got cut. Or got one-third cut off? Because I feel like that's a different question.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, that is more accurate to what happened in the film.
SARAH: Okay. Great. Should we also ask like, are any of these terms objectively wrong?
KAYLA: Like which one?
SARAH: Beige flag.
KAYLA: Mm?
SARAH: Their definition of ‘beige flag’ is just wrong.
KAYLA: That was wrong.
SARAH: Anyway, yeah, no, we'll just ask about the moon.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Maybe we can just have an open-ended question. It's like, thoughts, discussions on any of these terms that you would like to discuss? Go for it.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Moon?
KAYLA: Moon.
SARAH: Lesbian. Yep. She did just send this text and it says, and I quote, “I wish you still wrote porn so you could write one about the moon being cut in half.”
KAYLA: You asked me to send it, and so I did.
SARAH: And it's beautiful.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: Just like the moon would be if it were cut in half, but disastrous for earth.
KAYLA: Disastrous. The thing is like, I had so many good ideas for him back in the day. If I could find our old group chat, there's a lot of good shit in there. I gave him a lot of ideas.
SARAH: Have I shown you his PowerPoint presentation?
KAYLA: I remember you telling me about it.
SARAH: He made for my birthday.
KAYLA: Oh, yes. You showed me part of it. I remember.
SARAH: He made for my birthday. I had a PowerPoint party, and his PowerPoint presentation was all of the things, the ideas that were rejected when he was writing porn.
KAYLA: Yes. I did see some of these.
SARAH: Why they were rejected and what they did instead. And some of them were… Some of them were rejected by him because they were unhinged.
KAYLA: So bad.
SARAH: Some of them were rejected by his bosses because they're cowards.
KAYLA: Do you think they would have taken the moon one?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: I guess we'll have to wait… What? But imagine you're two astronauts up in space. You're on the ISS, and then you see the moon get cut in half, and you're like, “oh, well, I'm so sad…”
SARAH: That is not what I thought you were envisioning at all.
KAYLA: What did you think?
SARAH: I thought…
KAYLA: The characters were the moon? The two halves of the moon?
SARAH: Listen, there's something phallic about a laser.
KAYLA: I can see that. Oh, so like the laser is the benis, and the moon is the pagina?
SARAH: I didn't think that far.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I was just imagining… I wasn't imagining people.
KAYLA: I see. That's interesting. That's a new angle.
SARAH: But just there's something phallic about a laser beam.
KAYLA: Sure. Why not?
SARAH: Yeah. Okay.
KAYLA: Well…
SARAH: What's your beef and your juice for this week, Kayla?
KAYLA: My beef is that there are light bulbs in my home that are broken, and I don't know how to fix them because it's not just a light bulb. It’s like, you know how light bulbs will have the titty thing over it?
SARAH: Yeah. No. What?
KAYLA: Okay. You know like in the ceiling
SARAH: Uh-huh.
KAYLA: I can't show you. I'm going to have to move my computer. In the ceiling, you put a light bulb in, and then they have the dome that you cover it with.
SARAH: Oh, like the titty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
KAYLA: So, they sell like…
SARAH: A light fixture.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yeah, okay.
KAYLA: Yeah, a light fixture. So, they sell ones where it's not, you put the light bulb in, and then reattach the glass dome. The whole glass dome itself is the light bulb.
SARAH: Is the titty.
KAYLA: And I don't feel comfortable getting that down from my ceiling because that's large. And also, I'm not fucking paying for that.
SARAH: That's a horrible design.
KAYLA: Right. So, I texted my landlord and I was like, “hello,” and he's just been ignoring me.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: So, I've been podcasting in the dark because my office light just strobes when I turn it off.
SARAH: That reminds me of one time a friend of mine used to live in a really bad apartment, and the people above them had a leak, and the leak got into their light
KAYLA: Oh, no, no.
SARAH: Their titty light.
KAYLA: No, no.
SARAH: And so, their titty light was full of water.
KAYLA: No, no, no. They should have put a fish in that.
SARAH: That is an electrical nightmare.
KAYLA: Nightmare. A beautiful disaster.
SARAH: But a beautiful disaster. And the landlord was taking so long to fix it. They sent me a photo of the titty light with water in it.
KAYLA: That's crazy.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: So. Anyway, do you have a juice?
KAYLA: Yeah, my juice is, there is something I found in my local grocery store in the frozen fruit section. It's called ‘Fruit Riot.’
SARAH: Again? This is not the first time that you've had a juice that was about something you found at the grocery store.
KAYLA: Yeah, the last time it was Uncrustables.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I'm an old person now, Sarah. There's very few things, you know? It's like…
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: Okay. But I found this just like I was going to buy frozen fruit for my frozen fruit needs, and these were just there. I didn't go looking for them like I was looking for the Uncrustables.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Okay, anyway. So, it's called ‘Fruit Riot,’ and it's frozen fruit. They have grapes, mango, and pineapple, and so it's pieces of frozen fruit, and then on the outside is like sour powder like you would find on the outside of a sour Skittle. So, it's sour frozen fruit, and it's so good.
SARAH: Mm mm
KAYLA: She hates it.
SARAH: Mm mm
KAYLA: We did… me and some of my friends did a full taste test of all the three kinds. The mango was not good. The mango was stinky.
SARAH: I'm making a face that's so distasteful.
KAYLA: Yeah, she doesn't like it, but I liked it. So, check your local freezer section, I guess.
SARAH: Okay. My beef is I dropped my Kiehl's face moisturizer on the ground.
KAYLA: Your what?
SARAH: Okay. You know the brand Kiehl's?
KAYLA: Maybe.
SARAH: K-I-E-H-L-S?
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: It's a decently costed brand of like face and skincare, and I use their moisturizer for my nighttime moisturizing needs. Not my daytime moisturizing needs, just my nighttime ones
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: And I had a giant fucking… it was like…
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: I think it was like five ounces or something, that doesn't sound like that much. It was a big fucking thing of moisturizer, okay?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: It's just like a bucket of moisturizer, and I got the really large size because I was like this will last me a long time.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: It's the most cost effective, it's the cheapest per amount of moisturizer
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: And I also like to not be wasteful, so I was like then I won't have to be buying multiple smaller containers. Also, they sell refills now.
KAYLA: Oh, fun
SARAH: So, I can keep the container and then just get refills.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: It was about at least three quarters full
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: And I, just the other day, I dropped it on the ground while it was open
KAYLA: No
SARAH: And the entirety of this thing of moisturizer splattered to the ground.
KAYLA: All of it? It is not cheap, I'm looking at it.
SARAH: No, that size is $70.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's 4.2 fluid ounces, and it's $70.
SARAH: Now, I was able to salvage some of it with a spoon.
KAYLA: Okay, sure. You've got to.
SARAH: The floor was very dirty though. Like, I've been needing to clean my bathroom floor for a long time
KAYLA: Yeah, that’s tough.
SARAH: So, anything that I had any inclination might have touched the floor, I was like I'm not going to salvage that because this shit goes on my face.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I salvaged maybe a little less than half of it, which means I dropped on the floor like $30-worth of moisturizer.
KAYLA: That sucks, you know what people can send you in the mail? This moisturizer. Now I'm looking at their other products.
SARAH: Yes, and I also use their Midnight Recovery oil serum stuff, and I have for a very long time and that is also very expensive, and so I get the giant fucking container of it that's gigantic.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And that I was like, well, at least I didn't drop that because that's way more expensive per amount, and also that is a glass container, so it might have shattered.
KAYLA: Now I'm looking up because I have really bad dark under eyes, and it makes me sad, and they have an avocado eye cream for brightening. You think it works?
SARAH: I don't know. I'm considering switching to one of their retinol things because I've been using the CeraVe…
KAYLA: I feel like I should start retinol, unfortunately.
SARAH: I've been using the CeraVe retinol thing, the one that's purple, not the other one.
KAYLA: I have some of their purple products.
SARAH: It has retinol and it has the other thing you're supposed to use.
KAYLA: But you're not supposed to use retinol every day, right? They tell you not to do that.
SARAH: This has a small enough amount of retinol that it's okay to use every day.
KAYLA: Okay. Is it the thing that also has sunscreen? Because that's what I use.
SARAH: No. And I use it at the nighttime, and then what I do is I put the… now I'm just telling you about my skincare, which is not doing me very good right now because my skin is fucked up. But then I use the Kiehl's Midnight Recovery Serum, and I put it on over that. Now they say you're supposed to go from thinnest to thickest in terms of the things that you put on your skin. But Kiehl's insists that the Midnight Recovery Serum is supposed to go last.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: So, I'm like, okay, I'll believe you. And when I put the retinol thing, even if I let it dry for a while, when I put the serum on, on top of it, little bits of it come off because it hasn't fully soaked in.
KAYLA: I hate that, I hate the both of them.
SARAH: But even if I wait like an hour in between, it'll still do that.
KAYLA: That's not good.
SARAH: And I don't like that. So, I'm like, I might switch to another product that doesn't do that. Anyway, I use that and then I use the Minute Recovery, and then I put the Kiehl's moisturizer on top of that, even though you're supposed to do the Minute Recovery last, but I just… I can't. My brain won't let me. Anyway, thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
KAYLA: I'm reading reviews of the Avocado Eye Cream.
SARAH: My juice is, I'm getting my face dermaplained this week.
KAYLA: What? We've been talking about this for years. Is this finally happening?
SARAH: Yes. I have an appointment on Friday and it's good because my skin is fucked up right now. And I have an event next week. So, wow. Perfect. Great. I should also probably get a haircut, but I keep not texting my girl. You can tell us about your beef…
KAYLA: My girl is pregnant. I’m going to have to like…
SARAH: When my girl was pregnant, I just didn't get a haircut for a year.
KAYLA: Well, I don't know what she's doing, because she just started now, she's not taking new clients. It's only existing clients. But, yes, at some point, she's certainly going to take a real maternity leave, so.
SARAH: She wasn't gone for a full year, and that was before I had my bangs, because if it had not been, I would have had to make some changes. But anyway. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your thoughts on what would happen to the moon if it was cut in half or two thirds and one third on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you would like to support us there. We have a new $2 patron, it's Liz Winters. Thank you, Liz.
KAYLA: Thank you, Liz.
SARAH: I hope you're enjoying this winter. Unless you live in the... I meant to say southern hemisphere. My brain said lower peninsula, which is Michigan. Michigan has an upper peninsula and a lower peninsula. That is not the same as the southern hemisphere. Anyway, thank you, Liz. Our $5 patrons who are promoting something this week are Bronwyn Herron, Brooke Siegel, Jiro the Wolf, Arctic Enby and Chris Lauretano. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Alastor, who would like to promote the podcast 'Shadows and Shenanigans,' Alyson, who would like to promote Arden Gray by Ray Stoeve, Ani, who would like to promote the importance of being kind to yourself and others, Arcnes, who would like to promote The Trevor Project, and Benjamin Ybarra, who would like to promote, as ever, Tabletop Games. Our other $10 patrons are Bones, Celina Dobson, Clare Olsen, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, My Aunt Jeannie, Kayla's Dad, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Olivia O’Shea, Parker, Phoenix Leodinh, Purple Hayes, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, and Val. Our $15 patrons are Ace, who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum, who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Hector Murillo, who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Nathaniel White, who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina, who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Schnell, who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different, and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly, Dr. Jacki, My Mom, and River, who would like to promote not dropping your expensive face moisturizer on the ground.
KAYLA: Don't do it.
SARAH: It made me sad. Thanks for listening…
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: But my floor is so moisturized.
KAYLA: So clean.
SARAH: My floor is so moisturized.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows. Rub some moisturizer on them.
SARAH: Especially if it's a dry season where you are.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: In the lower peninsula.
KAYLA: No, no, no, no, no, no.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
