Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 331: Emophilia
Hey what's up hello! This week we talk about emophilia - a psychological trait that describes people who fall in love easily, quickly, and often. Personally, we cannot relate.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/emophilia
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SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, (That's me Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Emophilia.’
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Hello?
SARAH: I hope you're all well.
KAYLA: We are not.
SARAH: I hope you're what we are not. We are doing our best in this time.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: I hope you are also doing your best, but I hope that your best is better than ours.
KAYLA: I'm currently holding up a pen to my forehead because it's like a little cold and I have a headache and it feels...
SARAH: I can't see it because Kayla's camera's off because her Wi-Fi is being shitty again.
KAYLA: My camera is off because my… And here's the thing, no one else is… the most that's being done on our Wi-Fi other than this is like Dean looking at Reddit on his phone. I guarantee that's what he's doing right now across the apartment from me. There's no reason for this. I'm sick. I paid good money for that. We can't. I can't get into this right now.
SARAH: Um, do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: Um, we have some exciting stuff coming up.
SARAH: We do. But it means I have to do things.
KAYLA: Yeah. But if you think about it, Sarah, the more you do now, like we're gonna get some weeks off in the future.
SARAH: Counterpoint. You know?
KAYLA: I do. I do know.
SARAH: Oh yeah. Okay, great. Kayla, what the fuck are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Okay. This week I was… we were trying to figure out what to talk about.
SARAH: I was ready to do an AITA. I was like, “we've got nothing else. It's AITA time.”
KAYLA: I know, but I felt like we had done that too recently, so I was trying…
SARAH: Which we hadn't, but we had done a ‘Listener Lore’ recently.
KAYLA: And they're basically the same. So, I was like trying to search through articles. And then I was like on ‘Psychology Today’ because I was like, sometimes they have like interesting articles about relationship stuff. And I came across the concept of emophilia. And I had never heard it before. And I thought it was interesting.
SARAH: Is it emo? Like E-M-O? Like emotional?
KAYLA: I think so. I at first was saying like emo-philia, because it's E-M-O-philia.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: But given what it is, I think it makes sense that it would sound like the beginning of the word emotional.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, we're going to be talking about this today. I just think it's very interesting and I think it's also extremely different from both of us. So, I think, I don't know, it'll be like interesting to try to like understand.
SARAH: It'll be like a science project.
KAYLA: Exactly.
SARAH: Okay. Kayla, start us out. What the fuck is this?
KAYLA: Okay, I have several articles pulled up. Not as many as I wanted to have pulled up, because I had too many tabs open and my computer started freaking the fuck out. So, this is from a ‘Forbes’ article about emophilia.
SARAH: The money people.
KAYLA: The money people. So according to this article, emophilia, also known as emotional promiscuity. Is that how you say that word?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess. Yeah.
SARAH: Promiscuous girl.
KAYLA: That's why… it's just like saying promiscuous and promiscuity. It's just like I know they're the same word, but they sound different enough that it's confusing to me.
SARAH: Is promiscuous Fergie or Nelly Furtado?
KAYLA: I want to say Fergie.
SARAH: You keep going, I'll look it up.
KAYLA: Great. I can't wait for you to not hear anything I'm saying. So, emophilia, also known as emotional promiscuity…
SARAH: It's Nelly Furtado.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: Yeah, I thought it was, but I was mixing it up with glamorous, I think, for some reason.
KAYLA: Oh. They do sound similar. Anyway. It is defined as the tendency to fall in love quickly and often. Those with emophilia develop an unflinchingly certain and all-encompassing passion for a romantic interest over a short period of time. It's not a fleeting feeling that is likely to disappear, but a strong desire with a hyper fixation on love. Which I feel could not be the more opposite from us.
SARAH: It's like simping disease.
KAYLA: It is. And also, so I have some pop culture articles pulled up and then also some published research articles, like proper literature.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: And a lot of them kind of talk about the relationship between emophilia and anxious attachment.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: And they make it clear that it's not the need for a relationship. So, like anxious attachment, if you think about the attachment styles, if you ever took a ‘Psych 101’ class, would be like... Anxious attachment people, because of whatever happened in their childhood or whatever, feel the need to be in relationships with people to feel safe and feel good about themselves.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, they make it clear that it's not that. These are not people that need to be in relationships to feel good. It's just that they want it so bad.
SARAH: Interesting. I'm kind of curious about like... Well, one of the questions I had for Kayla before this started was like, is this a thing that you get diagnosed with? And the answer seems to be not really.
KAYLA: No, so it's not like a pathology thing.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. Because that's my question is like, if you're looking at someone, how do you know whether it's like an anxious attachment style or this? Like, where is the line? Like, is there...
KAYLA: That's a good question.
SARAH: Is there a line or is it like the line between friendship and romance where it's like, whoooooo, who knows?
KAYLA: I think it would probably take a decent amount of self-reflection to know the difference between whether this is something you just really want or like feel like you need. I will say there is. So, from what I'm reading, it would not be like a pathology, like they do call it a personality construct.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: But it's not something like narcissism where there's like a diagnosis…
SARAH: It’s not a diagnosis, yeah.
KAYLA: That's like… a pathology that's like, you know?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, it would be a personality trait like outgoing where there like are tests you can take, but you wouldn't get diagnosed with it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: If that makes sense.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, like you could measure it. So, this… there's a ‘Psychology Today’ article about it and they do have a 10-item emotional promiscuity scale. Because I guess emophilia was previously like just known as emotional promiscuity.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Which like I...
SARAH: Is it a quiz? Can we take it?
KAYLA: It's kind of like the kind of thing you would, similar to like other personnel, like other like psych tests, I feel like. So, there's like 10 items and then you say like how much you agree with it and then there's probably some sort of like writing scale or something.
SARAH: I want to know how low I rank.
KAYLA: Okay. Number one is, “I fall in love easily.”
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Yeah. “For me, romantic feelings take a long time to develop.”
SARAH: Well...
KAYLA: So, this would be like an opposite.
SARAH: Well, no, because they don't. But yes, because they take forever.
KAYLA: I mean, I would say yeah, for you, yes, because it takes an infinite amount of time.
SARAH: Eternity.
KAYLA: “I feel romantic connections right away.”
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: “I love the feeling of falling in love.”
SARAH: I can't say I have the experience.
KAYLA: “I am not the type of person who falls in love.”
SARAH: True.
KAYLA: “I often feel romantic connections to more than one person at a time.”
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: “I have been in love with more than one person at the same time.”
SARAH: No, that seems so complicated and difficult.
KAYLA: It does. I don't. I cannot begin to conceptualize that.
SARAH: Me neither.
KAYLA: “I fall in love frequently.”
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: “I tend to jump into relationships.”
SARAH: I can't say I do.
KAYLA: “During your lifetime, with how many people have you fallen in love?”
SARAH: None.
KAYLA: Well, Sarah, I don't think you have it. Oh, this is... Oh, wait. I scrolled down more in this article, and it has answers to your question about figuring out the difference between anxious attachment and emophilia.
SARAH: Hit me with it.
KAYLA: Okay. To understand emophilia, one must grasp the difference between needing versus wanting a romantic relationship.
SARAH: It's reminding me of like action versus attraction. It's a different format, formulation of that, but I feel like that comparison can kind of be mapped onto this a little bit. Continue.
KAYLA: I can see that. So those high in emophilia want to experience the rush of falling in love, an experience that they find very enjoyable, fun, and rewarding. Those who need to be in romantic relationships, in contrast, are more likely to be anxiously attached. These are individuals who use romantic relationships only to feel less lonely.
SARAH: It sounds to me like an ancient attachment style. An anxious attachment style is like a drug addiction, where you are not yourself.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: You don't feel like you're yourself unless you're on drugs.
KAYLA: This is you on relationship.
SARAH: Emophilia is when you like taking drugs because you like the high of taking drugs, but you are not addicted to taking drugs.
KAYLA: I can see that.
SARAH: Like that's what my brain tells me.
KAYLA: That would make sense. I will complicate things by saying that emophilia is correlated with anxious attachment, so people do be having them both.
SARAH: I mean, taking drugs is correlated with drug addiction.
KAYLA: And hey, we're really cooking something here.
SARAH: Meth?
KAYLA: No. Emophilia is also correlated with sociosexuality, which is the inclination towards having short-term sexual relationships, i.e., sex without love or commitment. A likely reason is that people tend to have sex with those they love, and vice versa. I'm not so sure about this.
SARAH: It's saying that they fall in love quickly and easily, but then those relationships don't last? Is that the implication? And then they have sex with them, but then the relationship doesn't last a long time, so it's a short-term sexual partner? Is that what they're saying?
KAYLA: Well, so there are like two different concepts, sociosexuality and emophilia. They're just saying that it's not uncommon for people to be both. So, sociosexuality is having short-term sexual relationships without love or commitment, but I don't understand how those are correlated.
SARAH: How is that correlated?
KAYLA: One is about romantic feelings and one is about short-term sex.
SARAH: Well, and if the short-term sex is being had without romantic feelings, that doesn't align with people very easily getting romantic feelings, because if you very easily got romantic feelings, wouldn't you fuck those people, not people that you don't have romantic feelings for?
KAYLA: I wonder though, so these articles also talk about, a lot of it is revolved around the negative things that come out of emophilia, which is that people that are high in emophilia often are deceptive, engage in unprotected sex, cheat, and ignore relationship red flags because they're just wanting to get in relationships immediately.
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: So, I wonder if what it means is not necessarily the sex without love, but the sex without commitment, because you're not… even though you're like really romantically engaged with these people, that doesn't necessarily mean you're committed to them.
SARAH: I guess, but that also just kind of goes back to my first question of like, does that mean the implication is that it's fast in and fast out, like hard in, hard out? You're jumping from person to person.
KAYLA: I think yes, because…
SARAH: Okay, so it's not just like you fall in love quickly, but you fall in love quickly…
KAYLA: Often.
SARAH: Often, might get bored and jump ship.
KAYLA: Yes. Well, because I think that's also when I was reading that list of things, there was the questions about like feeling a romantic connection or being in love with more than one person at the same time.
SARAH: Yeah, I think that also makes sense with like chasing the high of it.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Because like once you get into a more settled relationship, you lose that.
KAYLA: Yes, because the thing that they are, the thing that they really enjoy is the feeling of falling in love.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Yeah, once that's gone, it's like, “I'm done. I'm bored now.”
SARAH: The relationship might lose the shine. Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Especially if the reason, or part of the reason they got into a relationship in the first place was just to feel the good feelings of being in a relationship and it wasn't like, “Oh, this person is perfect for me.”
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Then once you get past the high of like, “Oh, this is great.” And you're like, “actually, wait, no, this is not the right partner for me on any long-term basis,” if that's what you were originally thinking they might be.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which you might not have been, you may have been like, “this is just a short term thing,” in which case, I hope they also knew that. But… and if they did, great.
KAYLA: Me too. I'm just, I'm interested in the why the unprotected sex thing. I understand the infidelity.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: If you're like, just into the falling and… like if that's where the joy is coming from, then you would want to be doing that often and so things would probably overlap.
SARAH: Uh-huh.
KAYLA: I don't understand why that's correlated with unprotected sex.
SARAH: The only thing that I could think of is like, protected sex might feel more impersonal.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: And so, if you're like, I… like it's about like love, like, they might… That's the only thing I can think of that might connect.
KAYLA: Emophilia, unprotected sex, why? Oh, wait, this might tell me, I'm opening another tab. If I freeze that’s why. I have to know. Okay, you're right I think, at least these people are theorizing the same thing and they probably have PhD so that's huge for you.
SARAH: And they've probably had sex with someone before.
KAYLA: Maybe. Yes, the reason why this finding emerges is that condoms and sexual safeguards are often seen as barriers to intimacy.
SARAH: Ha ha haaaa!
KAYLA: Huge, huge for Sarah, huge win for Sarah.
SARAH: Huge win for me.
KAYLA: Huge win for the asexuals at this time.
SARAH: I'm a genius.
KAYLA: That's so interesting.
SARAH: That's the power of, I was gonna say fanfiction but is it really? I don't know.
KAYLA: I couldn’t say. Okay, also though, another bad thing that can happen is that people with emophilia are prone to being attracted to partners with dark personality traits like Machiavellianism, psychopathy, psychopathy? Whatever, and narcissism.
SARAH: Is it because, in my heart, I understand why but I'm trying to figure out how to describe it using human words.
KAYLA: This says that the reason is that because the emotional attachment is so rapid, people overlook potential red flags when like screening people early on.
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: And then by the time they recognize the warning signs, they might feel like it's too late to exit the relationship, which at first, I didn't understand because I was like, we were thinking of these relationships as like very quick in and out.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: But when you get someone with a dark personality trait, they might be trying to like hold on to you.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And so, at that point, there is no exit.
SARAH: I also think that if they're… if they have those traits, they might also be willing to jump into something much faster than someone who doesn't have those traits.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, you're both equally jumping in too much too fast.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: For different reasons.
KAYLA: Well, I think also people with emophilia are probably just like easier to prey on.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like I think they're just more vulnerable because they like want it so bad.
SARAH: Yeah. Even if their brain is doing good brain thinking, they're… the rest of… they say, “but I want to get high.”
KAYLA: I love to be high.
SARAH: I love drugs. Well, Kayla is looking for whatever more things that she's doing. I'm gonna tell all of you about how I have had the song ‘Denial is a River’ by Doechii stuck in my head. But specifically, the part where she's like, “I like pills, I like drugs,” blah, blah, blah. “I like strippers, I like to fuck,” just that part. And so, I've just been saying it on repeat, aloud, which just for me, I think is quite ironic.
KAYLA: And I asked Sarah to rap it on the podcast and I didn't really get like an affirmative yes.
SARAH: I did basically just do it while you were reading you may not have been paying attention.
KAYLA: I did hear it. I just like, it didn't have as much like gusto as I was hoping for.
SARAH: You want the gusto? You want me to like basically rap?
KAYLA: I want you to like really do it.
SARAH: I don't know that the world wants that.
KAYLA: I want.
SARAH: Well, are you the world?
KAYLA: We are the world.
SARAH: I also love how she talks about turning his guts into soup beans, it’s so specific.
KAYLA: I don't remember that part.
SARAH: It's after that. It’s like, “I like…” fuck, okay, wait.
KAYLA: Here we go.
SARAH: “I mean fuck, I like pills, I like drugs, I like getting money, I like strippers, I like to fuck, I like day drinking and day parties in Hollywood, I like doing Hollywood shit, snort it, probably would” And then there's a line about how, “but my self-worth’s at an all-time low” which is true. And then she's talking about how she shouldn't do whatever. “Turn guts into soup beans.”
KAYLA: What's a soup bean?
SARAH: I don't know but I love them. What have you found?
KAYLA: Not much. I'm just trying to decide like how much of a new phenomenon this is because I'm finding like a good amount of these articles are like from last year 2024, and they're for people calling for like more attention to be paid to this in psychology because people are like, “we pay all this attention to anxious attachment but we need to look at other factors.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I'm just wondering like…
SARAH: How fresh is it?
KAYLA: I mean it has to be… It has to be relatively fresh, right? Because like you go back to the time before, even just like regular internet use. And I feel like, would you have this as much when you don't have access to as many people?
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Yeah, that's a good point. Also, when people are like, society imposes upon you that you need to like get married young and like you just don't have the opportunity.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Even if you knew enough people, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah, though I guess there's nothing stopping you from being this way once you're like in a committed relationship.
SARAH: That's true. That’s true.
KAYLA: Like, I can see that being a common reason for a cheating.
SARAH: I feel like this is just like someone who's like a player, but scientific.
KAYLA: Do you think though? Because to me it almost feels like a more like of a victim vibe.
SARAH: I see why you say that, but I think in terms of how the general public would conceive of these people in the past, they would be like, “oh that person is just like…” you know? If it was a man they would be like, “oh, that's a player” if it's a woman they would be like, “oh that's a floozy.”
KAYLA: See, that’s what I'm also wondering is, I don't know, like none of the stuff I'm reading, there doesn't seem to be a lot of like consensus or enough data to see like gender differences or age breakdowns or like that kind of thing but I would be very interested to know.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: How it works out along lines of like cultural backgrounds or like individual differences, because, and I know this is like a large amount of bias but I cannot picture a man being like this.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, because that's, men are taught that sex is the number one thing and women are taught that romance is the number one thing and so this seems more like a female oriented thing. In the same way that a lot of people view asexuality is a female oriented thing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Because they're like, “oh, of course, it's women who doesn't want to do the sex.”
KAYLA: This is fair.
SARAH: Earlier, I referred to women who do this, like, I referred to them in the past they might be called a ‘floozy,’ but it would be like an emotional floozy.
KAYLA: Is that a thing?
SARAH: I don't think so.
KAYLA: I mean I guess you would be emotionally promiscuous that's what they're saying. I also find that… Okay, according to one study, men are higher when compared to women in emophilia but I don't know where they're getting that.
SARAH: What's the sample size? Like what's the...
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what study that's coming from. Show it to me Rachel.
SARAH: Rachel?
KAYLA: Show it to me Rachel. Is it going to let me read the whole article? Do I have to log in through my university? I will. I'll access it through my organization. No, it's going to email it to me. No, not worth it. I don't want to open my work email right now.
SARAH: Not worth it.
KAYLA: Not worth it. Sorry everyone. I’m not looking into the Harvard library today. Um, what were you saying?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: I, okay. I just find the promiscuity thing so interesting because I just like promiscuity to me is so coded sexually in my mind that I have a hard time conceptualizing emotional promiscuity because like…
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, this reminds me of what was one of those words last week where I was like, this sounds like emotional cheating
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And you were like, “but it's not cheating,” and I was like, “but it's emotional cheating.”
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: What word was that?
KAYLA: There is a word for that, emotional cheating, emotional intimacy, emotional cheating I guess, I don't know, is there a word for that?
SARAH: I just feel like… I feel like people who have… who experience emophilia might really benefit from polyamory and open relationships.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: But it has to be practiced properly.
KAYLA: Yes. I also think though that emophilia would be a terrible base for a poly person.
SARAH: How do you mean?
KAYLA: I just, I have had recent life experience with poly people in my like large, just hearing stories of poly people in my large circle of orbit, who just like gather partner after partner after partner without the ability to like balance, seeing that many people
SARAH: And maintain.
KAYLA: Yeah, which is like makes you into a bad partner because then you're dating like 15 people and there's not 15 days in a week.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And so, I would almost wonder if like because people are so into… like the basis is like feeling so into falling in love that you would just keep like picking up partners and picking up partners. And then like…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Unless you like are able to exhibit a good amount of like self-control and like self-awareness to know that you're doing that. Then you would just keep like picking people up and then putting them down, and then be like, “well, it's okay because I'm poly” and it's like well…
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: That's still kind of shitty.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: If you aren't communicating what you're doing.
SARAH: Yeah, that's her.
KAYLA: Promiscuous girl.
SARAH: I’m all alone, it’s you that I want.
KAYLA: Now I googled emotional cheating and there's someone in the aromantic Reddit, that was like, “I do not understand emotional cheating,” which is fair. What do you think it would be like to be an ace person who was also… also had high emophilia?
SARAH: An ace person?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Or an aro person?
KAYLA: Well, I don't… I think it would be more, I think, well I guess both but, in my mind, it'd be pretty unlikely to be aro and have this.
SARAH: Yeah, or like demiromantic and… it just sounds really complicated.
KAYLA: At that point though, are you demi if it's that… if it's happening that often?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I mean to each their own definition but like if the definition of emophilia is it's happening all the time then like…
SARAH: Yeah, I don't know
KAYLA: I don't foresee, I don't see that.
SARAH: It all sounds complicated, and I wouldn't wish it upon myself.
KAYLA: I think I would hate to have a friend that was high in emophilia.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't think I could deal with that.
SARAH: No offense to those… I know you can’t…
KAYLA: I mean, it’s not your fault, you can't control your personality.
SARAH: You can’t necessarily control it, but
KAYLA: I would like to be the friend of a friend
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Who like was high in emophilia and acting upon it. But if one of my close friends was constantly falling in love, I would be like, “I actually don't know how to help you with that.”
SARAH: Yeah, unless they want to keep it to themselves and not tell me about it.
KAYLA: More and more, especially… I mean I think it's always been the case, just me being on the ace spectrum that like I'm not always the most helpful with relationship advice.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: But the longer I date Dean, the less helpful I am becoming. I have recently found…
SARAH: But you're so distant from it, like the beginning of relationships.
KAYLA: Yes, especially because I have a couple friends who are like at the more like, not the beginning of relationships but like the beginning of like serious relationships. Like they've been dating for like a year or so and they're talking about like future plans to move in together like that kind of thing.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I had a friend ask me about that recently and I was like, “well, Dean and I started living together with my parents during COVID.” And it was never a discussion after that, we never had to sit down like, “do you think we should move in together?” it just like happened because there was a global pandemic. So, I was like, “well, I actually can't give you a skosh of advice.”
SARAH: And I don't wish upon us another global pandemic, so.
KAYLA: And so, that's not… yeah, I was like, “so, I don't know how to have that conversation because I didn’t do it.”
SARAH: Also, we've talked about this before but it's different when you start a relationship when you're in college than when you start a relationship when you're a real adult.
KAYLA: 1000%
SARAH: It's just a completely different circumstance.
KAYLA: Yes. Yeah, because especially after college it's like, “okay, either we're going to live together or we're going to do long distance,” like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But you meet someone in the same city and you're both adults with your own apartment, it's like completely different vibes.
SARAH: Yeah. And I mean that may be a little bit different in other countries where the university experience is less centralized…
KAYLA: That is true.
SARAH: Than the US university experiences, but my conception of college, it's just… it's so different from adulthood. And that's why people always are like, “Oh, I miss college,” because they had… you had walkable neighborhoods.
KAYLA: Walkable.
SARAH: And your friends lived near you and there were third spaces.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I wish we had third spaces.
KAYLA: Me too.
SARAH: I actually was walking around for my Pikmin the other day and there were a lot of people at the park.
KAYLA: I forgot you live in California I was like, “In this weather?” Not a problem for you actually.
SARAH: No, it was…
KAYLA: Not a problem.
SARAH: It was like 70 degrees.
KAYLA: Must be fucking nice.
SARAH: I actually got a little sweaty and I hated it.
KAYLA: I, today, school is shut down, all of my friends, not me, but everyone I knew work from home because everyone was like huge snowstorm coming, your honor.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: It did snow for like, there was like maybe an inch on the ground.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: And they pre-salted because everyone was freaking out, so there was no issues.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And I said, “y'all.”
SARAH: I mean, it was raining all day today and yesterday basically in LA.
KAYLA: That's nice for you.
SARAH: Not great for how long my commute takes, actually my drive home didn't take any extra time because I think everyone left work early because it was raining.
KAYLA: See, that's the thing is the roads were empty because everyone got… stayed home. So, everyone's commute was like super short today.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: My drive to work this morning was pretty long, but… and it wasn't even raining as much this morning as it was on my way home. It was mostly just like wet and the threat of rain, you know.
KAYLA: My favorite.
SARAH: Anyway, what else do we have to say?
KAYLA: Interesting. I'm just reading more articles, and it was talking about this… this doctor is talking about how the reason that like infidelity and stuff happens with people… Oh, you're frozen. I bet I'm frozen too. What a good episode we're having.
SARAH: I love this.
KAYLA: So, this doctor was talking about like why there's the infidelity risk for people with emophilia. And they are saying that… Why are you laughing? It's stuck again. It’s definitely stuck. She can tell me it's not all she wants, but it is.
SARAH: I think it's delayed.
KAYLA: I think so as well. So, this doctor… where did I leave off? Okay. This doctor talking about why there's a higher risk for infidelity for people with emophilia.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And they said their excitement rush of attraction and fast connections don't turn off once they get into relationship because they have a lower minimum threshold for excitement and connections. It makes them an infidelity risk, which this makes me interested because I think I saw in a different article too, there was some short discussion about like the way that like people's behaviors are or like their need for like, like excitement, like that kind of thing. So, it just makes me wonder if it's like also correlated with people who like need to be like highly, I don't know the right word. Like they need a lot of like stimulation to stay in the right way. What am I thinking of?
SARAH: I don't know, but I understand what you mean.
KAYLA: People… Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what the word is, but like
SARAH: People who just need a constant stimulation metaphorically in their relationship.
KAYLA: Well, I wonder even just like beyond relationships if it's linked with people who just like…
SARAH: In their life, just in generally, they need stuff going on?
KAYLA: Yeah. To like make their brain do chemicals and whatever, you know?
SARAH: Whatever the opposite of… what? Me.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Don't do enough things.
KAYLA: Don't do enough things. Like are these people not producing enough dopamine naturally so their brain is like, well, what can we do?
SARAH: Maybe. But in that case, it starts to lean I feel more in the anxious attachment style. It starts to feel more like a drug addiction than a, ‘I want this drug.’
KAYLA: That's fair. But also, I don't know because like, I'm pretty sure there's some science somewhere about like the chemicals that are released in your brain when you're around people that you love. So, if you're like that into the feeling of the rush of falling in love with someone and like the rush of attraction. Don't you think there's something there about like being addicted to that feeling and those feelings do come from whatever chemicals your brain is releasing?
SARAH: Yeah, maybe.
KAYLA: But that also gets it then into like love and sex addiction, I feel like which is like a proper thing.
SARAH: Yeah. I don't know.
KAYLA: I wish I was a doctor. No, I don't.
SARAH: You could be one.
KAYLA: No. Thank you so much.
SARAH: It's like when my friend told me that I could write smart if I wanted to.
KAYLA: There's a lot of things I'm convinced I could do. I really think I could be a lawyer and be really good at it. Having now worked with a lot of law students, respectfully.
SARAH: What? Like it's hard?
KAYLA: Sarah, we don't have to get into this, but I really do think I could be a very successful law student.
SARAH: I was quoting Elle Woods.
KAYLA: I know you were.
SARAH: Okay, I just wanted to make sure.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Yeah, as it turns out, the world is full of a lot of people who don't have two brain cells to rub together and they're like in high positions.
KAYLA: And they’re doing well.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: This is something I think about often. I think I am very blessed to be around people that are very intelligent, like I'm not friends with stupid people.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: And so, then I forget that your average person maybe is kind of stupid. This makes me sound like an asshole. But like…
SARAH: There are different types of intelligence and there are people who have different types of intelligence than you. And you define those people as stupid, but those people might also define you as stupid because you don't necessarily have the intelligences that they have.
KAYLA: That's fair. But also, there are a lot of people out there who are just stupid.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, there are people who are like very, very, very good at one thing or in one category and then everything else, they are just useless.
KAYLA: This is fair. I guess I'm thinking mostly of people with like no common sense, but those people are probably quite book smart.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I think they're stupid.
SARAH: In conclusion, my brain cells when I rub them together, they don't do romance wanting.
KAYLA: No, they don't.
SARAH: Not for Sarah.
KAYLA: Mine do sometimes, but not like these people. I don't think.
SARAH: On occasion under the right circumstances.
KAYLA: On occasion under the right circumstances. Because listen, I think the experience of falling in love is nice. Like it is. It's fun.
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: But I'm like, I don't need to. I don't, you know, I'm like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I’m not going to ruin my relationship to do it again.
SARAH: Yeah, I feel like even if that feeling is good, the feeling of… maybe that's… maybe these people, I'm not saying it's a lack of empathy. I'm saying it's not… They're so focused on what's in front of them and they don't have the forethought to think of, okay, if I keep falling in love with people and I keep looking for the next person, it means that all of those other relationships that you have had that you might be in the midst of right now are probably going to fall apart.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: And so, like they're not thinking about the negative consequences. They're just chasing that high over and over and over again.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway, don't do drugs, kids. Or if you do do drugs, do them safely.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Keep naloxone in your car. My naloxone in my car is expired…
KAYLA: Oh, it’s the thought that counts.
SARAH: But it's better to have expired naloxone than no naloxone.
KAYLA: I don't have any, so.
SARAH: For those who are like, “what the fuck are you talking about?” Naloxone is the drug that you give people when they're overdosing.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: If you have a car, you should get it and put it in your car, even if you don't think you'll ever need it. Because do I think I'll ever need it? I fucking hope not.
KAYLA: I think something would have to have gone seriously wrong for you.
SARAH: Yeah, something would have gone quite wrong.
KAYLA: Something would be really bad.
SARAH: Yeah, sure. Kayla, what's our poll for this week? Do you carry naloxone in your car?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Yes? No? I don't have a car. I mean, I am kind of curious about people's thoughts about like, where emophilia in the minds of other people falls on the like addiction scale.
KAYLA: Mm hmm.
SARAH: But I don't really know how to… I mean, we could do one of those Instagram questions where it's like you put the thing on the scale.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah. Can you not?
SARAH: Well, she probably can't not.
KAYLA: It's just in a box full of paper, walking around. Hold on. You're about to be kicked out. Literally everyone else in the house is sleeping, and then there's you. Hopefully she doesn't start screaming, but I did lock her out.
SARAH: But yeah, I would just like to know whether people view it… I don't know. I don't know how to formulate this question in a way that's like inclusive of all of the nuance.
KAYLA: I just, I wrote down, do you think emophilia is similar to addiction?
SARAH: Okay, sure. Right. Okay, here's the thing. Every time you said emophilia, or about half of the time you said emophilia, my brain was like, hemophilia?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Which is when your blood doesn't blood right.
KAYLA: Yeah, different.
SARAH: It keeps blooding when you want it to stop blooding. Well, it should always be blooding, but it keeps blooding out. Anyway.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: It's when your blood doesn't clot right.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that this has not been my week.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: This has been a very long week. I did some procrastinating in previous weeks that made this week not good.
SARAH: As you do.
KAYLA: And I'm also on my period, so the vibes are just bad, you know?
SARAH: Yeah, I feel that. What's your juice?
KAYLA: My juice is, I, my favorite author, TJ Klune, who is aspec and we love, and when is he coming on the podcast? I don't know, he has a new book that came…
SARAH: Well, I think first we have to ask him.
KAYLA: I did once. I did. I did once ask him. I might. He has a new book that came out this week and I finally went to the store and got it today. And my bookstore had signed copies, so I got one. And I said, “yes.”
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Ooh, tea. My beef. Okay, okay, you know how I got my face dermaplaned?
KAYLA: Oh my God, yes.
SARAH: It makes the skin products go on your face so much better.
KAYLA: Mmm.
SARAH: It's wild. But even before that, my face was like breaking out a little bit more than it usually does and since then, because I got like a facial and also the dermaplaning, and it has been worse since then.
KAYLA: Oh, cool.
SARAH: And I was doing Googling. And apparently sometimes that happens and it could be normal or it could be bad.
KAYLA: Oh, well, that's helpful.
SARAH: Because they were like, well, it could be because the products that they used were too... They're clogging up your pores. But it also could be that you cleaned your skin more than your skin is used to. And so, then your skin is kind of purging itself more.
KAYLA: Oh, interesting.
SARAH: But my skin was already worse to begin with than usual. So, then I'm like, how much of this is just whatever weird hormonal shit? I don't know. Anyway.
KAYLA: It seems complicated.
SARAH: My beef is that my skin is worse, even though overall my experience was positive.
KAYLA: Well...
SARAH: My juice is...
KAYLA: Oh, she's thinking.
SARAH: Well, I would say Swedish Fish, but they've been hurting my teeth.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: The first thing I ate this morning was Swedish Fish and it made my teeth hurt so bad.
KAYLA: I'm very sorry to hear this.
SARAH: I ate some Swedish Fish before this also, and it made my teeth hurt. So, then I ate some Twizzlers and it fixed it.
KAYLA: Um... Hmm.
SARAH: I ate all of my Swedish Fish and Twizzlers, though, so it's no longer an issue. Anyway.
KAYLA: I just… Okay.
SARAH: I didn't have that many. I got them from our premiere event last night. There was candy. It's okay. I was told to take it. I didn't, like, steal it.
KAYLA: I believe you.
SARAH: Thank you. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your... Are your teeth as horribly sensitive as mine that Swedish Fish caused me problems?
KAYLA: One of my teeth has started being sensitive this week. I think I have a new cavity.
SARAH: Uh-oh. Anyway, do Swedish Fish hurt your teeth? Tell us on our social media @Soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon if you'd like to support us there. Patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We have a new $2 patron, it is Jeanie Kenkel. Thank you, Jeannie.
KAYLA: Woo!
SARAH: Jeanie with one N.
KAYLA: Oh, saucy.
SARAH: Take that. Thank you so much for supporting us. We appreciate you. Our $5 patrons, who... I may have fucked this up, but I'm gonna... The ones that I'm gonna say this week are Cinnamon Toast Punch, Colleen Walsh, Edward Hayes-Holgate, Emily Jean and ffinasfs. We also have a new $5 patron, who used to be a $2 patron, but is now a $5 patron, which is SammyO. Oh, thank you, Sammy. He he he heeee!
KAYLA: Sammy!
SARAH: Woo! Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Bones, who would like to promote... Celina Dobson, who would like to promote the Critical Role Foundation, Clare Olsen, who would like to promote @Impact_Frame, and Derick & Carissa, who would like to promote supporting each other through the transitions we face. Our other $10 patrons are Elle Bitter, My Aunt Jeannie, with two Ns, Kayla's Dad, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Olivia O’Shea, Parker, Phoenix Leodinh, Purple Hayes, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Val, Alastor, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, and Benjamin Ybarra. Our $15 patrons are Ace, who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum, who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Hector Murillo, who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Nathaniel White, who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina, who would like to promote katemaggartart.com, and Schnell, who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different, and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly, Dr. Jacki, My Mom, and River, who would like to promote pimple patches that work and that you use properly.
KAYLA: I love this.
SARAH: It's so wild how that just works. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
