Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 334: Reddit Rabbit Hole pt. 15
Hey what's up hello! We're back reading Reddit stories with a heavy detour to Bologna Fest.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/reddit-rabbit-hole-pt-15
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SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl. (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl. (That's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Reddit Rabbit Hole.’
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: It feels like it has been forever.
SARAH: It has been 84 years.
KAYLA: This podcast… there hasn't been a podcast here for nearly a hundred years.
SARAH: For all of you, it feels the same, but for us, it has been a while.
KAYLA: It has.
SARAH: Although I've been editing. Oh Lord, I've been editing.
KAYLA: She has been in the studio… I was thinking just today about how crazy it is, just how long we've been doing this.
SARAH: So many.
KAYLA: There's like some statistic about most podcasts just stop after like a month or something like that.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: What are we doing?
SARAH: I don't know man.
KAYLA: Like if you think about us two, personally.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: How did we do this?
SARAH: I don't know. It's also wild because we've known each other now for almost 10 years.
KAYLA: Horrifying. Like in a couple of months, it'll be a decade.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Gross.
SARAH: And we've been doing this podcast for almost eight of them.
KAYLA: Ew. Yuck.
SARAH: Like we only had two years of us knowing each other without the podcast.
KAYLA: I was also… I think you said this recently, but we've done it remotely more than we ever did it in person now, which is very sad.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway, our podcast is back with no guests, which means it's chaos hour.
KAYLA: Yeah. All of our… we stayed so nice and buttoned up.
SARAH: Yup.
KAYLA: Now it's time.
SARAH: Not anymore.
KAYLA: It's time to be feral.
SARAH: Um, obviously we're doing a ‘Reddit Rabbit Hole.’ I shouldn't say that. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Obviously, we're doing a ‘Reddit Rabbit Hole.’
SARAH: AITA! Should I ask for numbers or should I just click on things?
KAYLA: I think you should just start clicking.
SARAH: Great. This one, it just says birthing locales.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Oh, I remember this. Okay. Am I the asshole for telling a woman where she can and can't give birth?
KAYLA: It depends on what degrees you hold, I think.
SARAH: What degrees do you need to hold?
KAYLA: Uh, a Doctorate, an RN, other medical degrees.
SARAH: Okay. Well, I'm just gonna start it off. This is one of the stranger things that has ever happened to me. To set the scene, I, 26, bought the house I'm living in in 2019…
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: From this lovely older couple. First of all, you're 26 and you bought the house in 2019? With what money? What do you do?
KAYLA: I know someone younger than us who owns a house.
SARAH: Where?
KAYLA: Spokane, Washington. So, it's, you know.
SARAH: Yeah, but it's not like it's Little Rock, Arkansas. Sorry to Little Rock…
KAYLA: Sorry Little Rock
SARAH: But I feel like you're probably cheaper to live in than Spokane, Washington.
KAYLA: You would think. Anyway.
SARAH: Okay. How about this house I'm living in? I thought, as I'm sure anyone who has been in this situation might think, that the signing was going to be the last time I ever saw them or had anything to do with their family.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: I was wrong. Yesterday, I got a knock on my door. I opened it to find a young couple, probably my age, maybe a bit younger. The woman was pregnant and she looked like she was going to pop any day. I asked who they were and if I could help them. The woman replied that this home used to belong to her parents and that she was born in this house.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: I asked again what it was that they wanted since they didn't really tell me if they needed anything from me. She told me that her mother had also been born here in the upstairs bedroom.
KAYLA: Well, they shouldn't have sold the house then.
SARAH: For context, this is now my bedroom. She then asked if I wouldn't mind letting her bring the stuff that was needed to give birth in the same spot as she and her mother were both born in. I said no, keeping in mind that A, this isn't her or her parents' house anymore and B, the bedroom in question is my bedroom.
KAYLA: What's like the reverse of like a haunted… It's not like her mother and her grandmother died in the same room.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like what's the reverse?
SARAH: I don't know. Okay. Now, I thought this was as normal a response as possible given the strange question, but when I was telling my friends about it this afternoon, one of the girls in the friend group said that it was pretty cruel of me to tell a pregnant woman where she can and can't give birth.
KAYLA: Now, come on. Come on now.
SARAH: I didn't think that what I said was all that strange considering I had never met the couple before and I don't exactly want a strange woman giving birth where I sleep, but my friend insists that I could have come to some sort of arrangement. So, here I am asking you guys, am I the asshole? Edit. So, I would just like to add, my friend isn't an idiot. When we were having this discussion, we were, let's say, having a fun time with fun substances. When I asked her about it today, she genuinely thought she'd imagined the conversation. Obviously, she thinks it's a horrible idea for liability and health reasons aside from it being weird. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
KAYLA: Wait, I didn't even think about that liability issue say that the birth like does not go well. Could they then like sue her?
SARAH: Yeah. For those saying that I made this up, I wish I had an imagination that good. I'd start writing if I did. I couldn't have predicted something like this in 100 years. Edit number two. I got an email back from the previous owners. I managed to get their contact info from the realtor who sold the house and it turns out, yes, they have a daughter. Yes, apparently, she's actually pregnant and they have cut her off for being a bit on the crazy side.
KAYLA: Oh, no. Sorry, that's not funny. That's not funny.
SARAH: Yeah. They asked for anything that might be helpful for getting any kind of protective order for my house, but the cop said that unless she actually tries anything, there isn't anything they can do.
KAYLA: I did not expect the twist that the parents would also be like, yeah, she's a little off.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay, wait. Update from last month. First of all, OP is non-binary, slay.
KAYLA: Slay.
SARAH: Second of all, they said, yes, I know that 21 is pretty young to be buying a house and made the whole thing seem fake. I live in the Midwest, which is pretty cheap to begin with. It's not a huge house and I got a small claim after an incident at work. So, I used that money from that for my future.
KAYLA: Wow. Responsible.
SARAH: I know. Anyway, last week, Friday at about 1:30, I hope that's the afternoon, not the morning. I got a knock/heavy pounding at my door.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: I didn't answer it, wondering who the hell would be visiting me in the middle of the night. When I see a familiar face at the door…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: It's the pregnant woman with her husband/boyfriend/partner, I don't know what. And two women who I assume are midwives. From what I gather, the woman went into labor earlier that day and is hoping I changed my mind.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: I haven't and ask them all to leave. The woman starts having either a breakdown or a contraction or something because she just starts screaming on my driveway. One of the other women in the group explains to me that they drove four hours to get here.
KAYLA: In labor?
SARAH: And if I wouldn't let you mind letting them set up the midwives here, what are you doing? She tells me that the woman had told them that she had arranged for the house and that she was nearly ready to push. From what I understood, the woman had lied to her midwife about me agreeing to this and had essentially tried to trick her and forcing me into letting this happen in my house. Never mind, the midwife is fine. Okay. I tell her a firm no and that if needed, there's a hospital only five minutes away from where I live.
KAYLA: Okay, that's nice.
SARAH: And asked them all to leave. The woman starts screaming and crying about how I'm ruining this for her. But between me closing and locking the door, her partner and her midwife, she gets back in their van and drive off.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: That's basically it. Also, this person was like, “I have an absolute pushover.” So, like, the fact that they did not get pushed over on this, good job.
KAYLA: Truly, I don't know what I would do. Like, the first time she comes to the door, like, obviously, no, we're not doing this. But when the pregnant person is presented in front of you, like, actively in labor.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: It's like, it's hard to say no to.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: One of the comments is just, “wow, you didn't even offer her to record it and cut the umbilical cord? Insane.”
KAYLA: That is absolutely wild.
SARAH: Uh huh. Okay, let's do another. This is also about housing.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Who is ready? Am I the asshole for… sorry, I'm getting this off of TikTok so I'm reading the caption, so, it might be strangely stilted.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Am I the asshole for refusing to let my roommate's boyfriend live with us? After he ‘tested’ me?
KAYLA: Huh?
SARAH: At first, he was only over a couple nights a week, which I didn't mind. But over the past few months, he has basically moved in. I finally had enough and told Ashley, okay, dropping names.
KAYLA: Fuck you, Ashley.
SARAH: I told Ashley that Jake, motherfucker's name is Jake, either needs to start paying his share or stop practically living here. He cornered me in the kitchen and said that if I wanted him to pay rent, I had to prove I was ‘roommate material.’
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: Excuse me?
SARAH: Then he gave me a list of rules he'd want me to follow if he officially moved in. Things like quote, doing my share of the cooking, not bring any guys over.
KAYLA: Excuse me, what?
SARAH: OP was like, “I'm single, but like what?” Um, being ‘respectful’ of his gaming time by keeping the Wi-Fi free during his streams.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: I laughed in his face and told him there was no way he was moving in. He got pissed and told Ashley I was being unreasonable. Am I the asshole for refusing to let him move in after his ridiculous test?
KAYLA: Is this real?
SARAH: I don't know, man.
KAYLA: I would be on the phone with my landlord telling them that there was an extra person trying to live in that apartment for free so fast.
SARAH: And like in this video, like the person is saying like, that's like trying to negotiate a salary before you've even had the job interview.
KAYLA: That's so crazy.
SARAH: Like, you do not have the upper hand here. You don't live here. What is your entitled ass problem?
KAYLA: That is wild.
SARAH: So anyway, speaking of, I don't know. Well, I'm clicking on one. This one I took from Buzzfeed. Like it's 2014.
KAYLA: I did a Buzzfeed quiz today.
SARAH: Oh, wow. Okay. Am I the asshole for filing for divorce because my husband over-tightens all the jar lids?
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: His over-tightening jar lids has been an issue since he was just visiting at my house when we were dating.
KAYLA: Now that's wild.
SARAH: First, it started with just things he used. Then over time it became every damn glass jar with a metal lid. He tightened them so much I couldn't open them without assistance. It wasn't a huge deal if he was there, but if I was alone, it was so annoying. More times than I can count, I've opened a new jar or something because I couldn't get the jar open.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: This has been a recurring cycle over the last five years. It's just a thing that would escalate until I had a major meltdown and freaked out, screaming, frustrated, and seemingly crazy because it's just a lid. Then it would get better for a while and then it would slowly become an issue again. It was just getting worse and worse until I reached a breaking point again. Sometimes I literally feel insane for being so upset over jar lids. He initially claimed that he did it to keep the food fresh.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: After many arguments about it, I insisted that I don't believe it keeps anything fresh and even if it does make things last longer, I don't care if it means I can't eat my freaking food when I want. I'll just replace things that go bad because they are closed normally. Then the excuse was that it's a habit. So, about a month ago, my husband had a family emergency and had to travel out of state for 10 days. The first day he's gone, I discover a jar I can't open. I was annoyed and was going to the store to buy new pickles when the neighbor said hi and to let him know if I needed anything while he was out of town, while my husband is out of town.
KAYLA: Cheat, cheat, cheat.
SARAH: I'm pretty sure it's an old man.
KAYLA: I don't care. The fuck do I care? Cheat on him.
SARAH: OP said wait here and got the jar, which he opened.
KAYLA: The old man, love.
SARAH: The next day I saw him outside and asked him to open another jar. He offered to cut open all the jars.
KAYLA: Wait, I love him.
SARAH: I agreed and he came in and he went to the fridge and opened all the jars except two, which he couldn't open.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Also, it seems like this… we'll get to this later, but it seems like this guy is doing this to all of the jars, whether he uses them or not. Like, it's just…
KAYLA: So fucked up.
SARAH: Okay. I thanked him profusely and told him I'd bake some of his favorite cookies later in the week. He laughed and said it was no big deal. And after confirming that I wouldn't be upset if the remaining two jars were destroyed in his attempt to open them, he took them home to his garage to open them one way or another. He said that he has heard me screaming about over-tightened jar lids a few times over the years.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: And he has really wondered if I was crazy or if my husband was really over-tightening the jar lids.
KAYLA: I can't believe he heard.
SARAH: He said, you know this was intentional? It was every jar. And I'm sure he doesn't regularly use hot pepper paste or mango puree or any of your other fancy cooking stuff. Then he held up the two jars he couldn't open and said, I don't know why he's doing it, but it wasn't an accident. After he left, I locked the door, sat on my kitchen floor and cried. Then I felt hot and lightheaded. I vomited in the trash can, my chest hurt. It crossed my mind that I might be having a panic attack. I thought about calling an ambulance, but sat back on my kitchen floor instead. Later, the neighbor came back with the open jar of hot fudge and apologized that he couldn't save the fix.
KAYLA: Not the fix.
SARAH: He said he broke the jar, trying to get it open. He also apologized for what he said about my husband doing it on purpose. I assured him it was okay. I couldn't sleep that night, I tossed and turned all night, I called out of work. By 10 AM, I realized I couldn't stay married anymore. And I made an appointment with the lawyer the next day.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: There are literally no other issues, no cheating, no abuse, we had a good sex life. Both have good jobs, nice house, no financial issues. He was absolutely blindsided when he came home and I told him I wanted a divorce. He still won't admit that he tightened the lids on purpose. He suggested we go to marriage counseling, but I refused. There is no point. I just literally can't get past the goddamn jar lids. I still feel a little crazy about that. I have no idea why he would tighten every jar lid so tightly that I couldn't open it. He has given me no reason. He still won't even admit they did it on purpose. But the hot pepper paste is in the back of the fridge. I use it only when I make Indian food. It's behind other things. He has never used it. It's nothing you could put in food without cooking it. The pepper paste could not have been an accident. It couldn't. Maybe he put mango puree on his toaster and his oatmeal, but the pepper paste couldn't have been an accident. That's what my life comes down to. I'm getting a divorce because the lid of my hot pepper paste was overtightened. If it had been every jar except that one, I could try. I could have a sliver of doubt. I could do something else, but I just can't get past the hot pepper paste. Most of our friends and family either think I'm crazy or an asshole. What do you think?
KAYLA: I do think he's doing it on purpose, and I think it's because he wants her to be dependent on him.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That was like my first thought before even the hot pepper paste.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because even if... Like she says they have no other issues, and it is a little bit silly that it's jar lids, but that's a legitimate issue. If for five years you've had this conversation and he is unwilling... Say it even is just a habit. He's unwilling to unlearn that habit.
SARAH: Well, and he's clearly not apologizing for it either.
KAYLA: Right. Yes. That is an issue. That is telling of other things in the relationship.
SARAH: Yeah. And this comment is like, “no, you're not getting a divorce because of jar lids. You're getting divorced because your husband is gaslighting you for sport.”
KAYLA: Yeah. Yes. I love her neighbor so much.
SARAH: Yeah. I don't know why I thought it was an old man. I think maybe I’m just picturing an old man, like a nice old man.
KAYLA: Well, I think that she should fall in love with the neighbor.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: And they can have so many loose lids together.
SARAH: This one comment says, “my ex told me he just didn't hear our two babies when they woke at night. Too tired, just didn’t hear them.”
KAYLA: No, no, no, no.
SARAH: I believed him. When the younger kid was three, the ex told me he had lied, smiled about it, said, “I knew you'd get up. Of course, I heard every time.” Divorced him six months later.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. Yes. That's evil.
SARAH: Yeah. All of the comments that are like, “damn, women will divorce over anything. You can have a perfect life, but he overtightened the jars and it's ground for a divorce. She could go on Amazon and buy a jar opener, but she opted for divorce.” Obviously, a man.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's not the point. Like…
SARAH: It's not about the jars.
KAYLA: She could get a jar opener or whatever. It's not the jars. It's not the jars.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I hate when men…
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: I fucking know.
KAYLA: Do you remember? I wish my birthday was the 21st night of September.
SARAH: You know, September, I believe the most common birth month is August, but of the top 10 most common birthdays, nine of them are in September. I don't know how that works.
KAYLA: What's nine months before September?
SARAH: Christmas.
KAYLA: Ah.
SARAH: Winter.
KAYLA: Yeah. Nothing much else to do, I fear.
SARAH: The least common birthday in the United States, aside from leap day, is Christmas day.
KAYLA: What's nine months before Christmas day?
SARAH: It's because people don't schedule their C-sections on Christmas day.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: And 30% of births in the US are C-sections, whether they're scheduled or not. But like…
KAYLA: I recently heard someone with a terrible take have like a conspiracy theory, basically, about emergency C-sections. And I was like, “we can't.”
SARAH: Oh, what was the conspiracy?
KAYLA: It was insinuated that like they don't need to be doing it as much as they do. And that it's like them just trying to get more money.
SARAH: I'm sure the insurance companies would love that, but I don't think that's what the doctors are thinking about, the doctors aren't getting a fucking commission from your birth.
KAYLA: I was like, “what an insane thing to say.” They were like, “oh, they keep doing emergency C-sections these days.” I was like, “what? Do you want them to die?”
SARAH: Imagine if births were on a commission system.
KAYLA: Girl, don't joke about things like that.
SARAH: Oh my God. But yeah, the least common birthdays in the United States are Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Fourth of July, the days around where Thanksgiving usually is, and Halloween, because people don't schedule C-sections for those days.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: That's smart, because I wouldn't want a birthday on any of those holidays.
SARAH: Yeah. This one is just funny. This is from r/TrueOffMyChest. This person is saying, “I gaslight my husband when we fight.”
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: We support women's wrongs.
KAYLA: You know, and we do. That's true.
SARAH: This isn't anything crazy. Just something funny that I want to tell people about, but can't risk getting caught. My husband, 30, male, and I, 30, female, have been together for eight years. For the past couple of years, I make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day to take to work. I use Welch's Concord grape jelly.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: This is important for later.
KAYLA: I already know it. Oh no. Oh no.
SARAH: Every day, he tells me that I make the best sandwiches, and I just say, “I make it with love.” However, when we're fighting, he always says he can taste the difference in his PB&J, and I say, “because I made it with hate.” But the truth is, he can taste the hate in the sandwich because when we fight, I use organic sugar-free grape jam. It's in the back of the fridge, and he has never seen it. So, it's what I use to convince him that he can't make me mad, or my anger makes food taste different.
KAYLA: Oh, that's so good. That's so good.
SARAH: We went from horrible gaslighting to great gaslighting.
KAYLA: You know what this reminds me of for, I don't know why, is the story we read one time where the boyfriend just had plastic food that he would slip into the food all the time, I liked that one too, I also supported that wrong.
SARAH: Truly incredible.
KAYLA: That's so funny.
SARAH: I'm sure some people out there will be like, “well, if it was a man doing it to a woman then you wouldn't feel that way,” and it's like, well, if it was a man doing it to a woman, I would say, “wow, he makes her lunch every day?”
KAYLA: I would be shocked.
SARAH: Like, I would be like, you know what? Sure.
KAYLA: Fine. Do you think the husband actually, like, he knows and he's playing along? Or do you think he really… like, how do you not notice a jar of jam that's always in the fridge?
SARAH: I mean, my parents' fridge is always so full of shit.
KAYLA: Girl, so is mine. What is with parents and their full ass fridges? What? You have money or something?
SARAH: Like, my fridge is so empty. I don't even want to talk about the amount of food waste that my parents… because they buy things and they don’t eat, anyway. I still have my mom's leftovers in the fridge from when she was here…
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: And I'm like, “you should have eaten this.” Anyway. This one just says… I described it as men are pigs.
KAYLA: Oh, great.
SARAH: Um, this is from relationship advice. How do I inform, how do I, 29, male, inform this woman, 29, female, that she is not my girlfriend?
KAYLA: Oh! Uh oh.
SARAH: Oh my God. I'm sorry. I was like, “clearly this is a ‘men are pigs’ situation,” because that's what I called it. But then I read the first paragraph and I was like, “umm.” I am in a peculiar situation. This woman, we will call Rachel, is under the impression that we are in a relationship. This has been going on for four years now. I have never asked her to be my girlfriend, but there was a miscommunication at some point.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Now, I won't lie. I played into it a lot and I shouldn't have.
KAYLA: Well…
SARAH: I did all the couples things couples do, but I never asked her to be my girlfriend at all
KAYLA: No, no.
SARAH: Or referred to her as my girlfriend. I didn't stop her from calling me her boyfriend or wanting to celebrate our anniversary.
KAYLA: What!?
SARAH: In my mind, however, I was single.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: So, when I hear her ask about marriage or moving in together, it makes no sense. I figured she would one day realize I never officially asked her and then realize it before things get out of hand. But she never did. Everything was fine until about a month ago
KAYLA: Was it?
SARAH: I met this beautiful woman. There's this food truck that isn't far from my house.
KAYLA: What!?
SARAH: I asked her for her number and we have hit it off. Things are getting serious and I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend soon. Before I do that, I need to address the elephant in the room with Rachel. Edit. For clarification purpose, I was wrong, I'm remorseful and disgusted with my actions. I know people think I'm not remorseful, but that's not true at all. What I did was disgusting.
KAYLA: What!? This is not real, there is now way.
SARAH: No, I think they saw all of the comments saying like, you're such a huge asshole, that they were like, oh, fuck, let me just…
KAYLA: Really? You think? How do you not see it on your own though? Like…
SARAH: It's so insane to me. First of all, four years. If you're seeing someone for four years, you let them call you their boyfriend. You never correct the record there. Also, this person seems like they… like is there a not understanding social cues level of this? Because like, do they think you have to… that the man has to officially ask the woman to be their girlfriend for it to be official? Like…
KAYLA: I like hope it's that but no, I think they're like just being an ass of like, I'm gonna get all of the perks of this but also be free to do whatever I want.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: What the fuck? Also, it's weird to me that… So, he has been not dating this girl for four years.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And this is the first time that he has met someone who he's like, “okay, I'm gonna leave my not girlfriend for this person.”
SARAH: Well, it doesn't say that he hasn't ever seen anyone else in this time.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair.
SARAH: It just says that this is the first time that he has wanted someone to be his girlfriend.
KAYLA: Okay, so he probably has had other not girlfriends?
SARAH: Yeah, he clearly has a very black and white view of…
KAYLA: What the fuck? What the fuck?
SARAH: There's a comment on this that says, this reminds me of a post I saw pretty recently where a girl made pancakes for her boyfriend and when she referred to him as her man, he denied that they were ever in a relationship. And when she asked what the hell they were, since they were doing everything couples do, he said, “I don't know, really good friends with benefits.” Then that weekend she mentioned being with another guy, she wasn't actually, but she said that. He showed up at her door 15 minutes later furious that she cheated on him.
KAYLA: No, no, no.
SARAH: I bet money this guy would have done the same if it weren't for this new woman.
KAYLA: 100%.
SARAH: Like he was just using her as a placeholder to get all the perks of being in a relationship while in his mind being like, “oh, I'm free.” Fuck you. Fuck you.
KAYLA: I hate when men... This reminds me of when we recently did the episode where we answered like the Google top relationship questions.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And there was one about like, how to know when to make things official or like, it was something like that. And my answer was like, when you would get upset when the other person is like with someone else.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And then I was like, and it can't be one sided because men be doing that shit. And look, and here they are, doing that shit.
SARAH: Okay, this was suggested to us by Megan C in the discord. It could have been months ago.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: I don't know when it was.
KAYLA: Probably years ago.
SARAH: It could have been before the time of Jesus. Um, okay. Am I the asshole for entering and keeping the prize from a drawing when I'm not the intended demographic?
KAYLA: Mm.
SARAH: This is honestly just silly. Also, a throw away because this is kind of specific and I don't want people I know to recognize and find my main. I'm 36, female, if that matters to anyone. Over the weekend, my… sorry, I just… I read it. Over the weekend, my town had a Bologna fest.
KAYLA: No, don't do that.
SARAH: Now, to be clear, Bologna spelled like ‘Bologna.’
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Sometimes people like, if they're talking about like, “oh, that's baloney.” Like they'll spell it…
KAYLA: Yeah, but we wouldn’t have a ‘Baloney fest,’ like?
SARAH: Yeah, I know. I think it's important that everyone knows it's Bologna fest.
KAYLA: Right. The food.
SARAH: And they said, no, I didn't spell anything wrong. Yes. I'm from a redneck Midwest town. It was kind of a trunk or treat with little games the kids could play kind of cute.
KAYLA: Trunk or treat for Bologna?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Hey, what the fuck? Don't put baloney in your trunk. That’s so fucked up.
SARAH: I'm imagining like a kid with a pillowcase full of baloney.
KAYLA: It's so disgusting.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: This is horrifying.
SARAH: While my kids were playing one of the games, someone asked me if I wanted to enter a drawing. Why not? So, I did. Well, I won because the universe wanted to laugh. It was for a perfect date night. This is the part where I mentioned I'm divorcing my cheating husband and I'm not dating anyone and have no interest in dating anyone. The prize was a fire pit, a $50 gift certificate to an Italian restaurant. Only $50? I guess if it's the Midwest.
KAYLA: For two people?
SARAH: If it’s the Midwest.
KAYLA: I guess it depends… if you're the… well, if you're in the type of town that's having a Bologna fest, that's a trunk or treat, that's actually probably five dinners at your nicest restaurant.
SARAH: A $10 gift card to a florist. Again, you can get grocery store flowers for $10, but at a florist?
KAYLA: Maybe. You should see the flowers at my grocery store, dude, they are expensive.
SARAH: Anyway, two Halloween themed plush blankets, a nice scented candle, a picture frame, and a box of hot chocolate. I think this was around Halloween. Maybe that's why it was…
KAYLA: I just don't understand that.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Maybe that was why it was trunk or treat. Maybe it was trunk or treat with regular candy, but also Bologna, I don't know.
KAYLA: I just don't understand.
SARAH: The kids and I can enjoy an evening roasting marshmallows over the fire pit. They each got a cute blanket. We all enjoy hot chocolate. The Italian restaurant has a kid's menu, so the three of us can go one night. Overall, it's a prize that I can enjoy with my kids. One of my friends, also single, said that I shouldn't have even entered and at least should have turned down the prize since it was meant for a couple and I'm happily unattached.
KAYLA: Boo!
SARAH: She said it goes against the spirit of the drawing. So, am I the asshole for keeping a date night prize to enjoy with my kids instead of a partner? Editing, in case it makes a difference in judgment, the whole festival, including the drawing I won, was free. It was something for craft, foods and some local businesses to promote themselves.
KAYLA: Not the asshole, because that should never have been the drawing anyway.
SARAH: Like…
KAYLA: If it's a thing where there's multiple prizes or something you can bid on, then a date night thing is totally fine. But what if a child had won that? But then what?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Then what are you gonna do?
SARAH: Yeah, this person said, um, “I literally laughed out loud at the irony, but fuck it. You won it, it's yours, however you wish. I love that you're spending it on your kids. I hate that people are objecting to you spending it on your kids. Who needs it more, a happy couple or the kids of an unhappy couple?”
KAYLA: So true, actually. That's very true. Plus, they had to endure a bologna festival, okay? They deserve it, they had to fish bologna out of a trunk.
SARAH: Also, this person… and this other person says, uh, “the prize was billed as a perfect date night, not a perfect romantic date night.”
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: “This does give you and your kids a perfect date night. Congratulations.”
KAYLA: That's true. That's true.
SARAH: And this person said, “all that aside, the fest was aimed at families with kids, so you certainly were the target demographic.”
KAYLA: I'm looking up Midwest Bologna Festival.
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: I found it, I think. Where's Yale? Not Yale, Michigan. Come on.
SARAH: Is this in Michigan?
KAYLA: Yeah, I've heard of Yale, Michigan.
SARAH: I don't think I have. Where is it?
KAYLA: Uh, towards The Thumb. Like up a little bit in The Thumb.
SARAH: Wow. It is in Michigan.
KAYLA: Wow. There's fireworks. There's a 5k. Sorry, you can't have a 5k at a bologna festival. That you can actually… everyone will throw up all their bologna. How much candy do I need to bring at the parade? The Bologna Festival Parade.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: Since 19… oh, also… well, at least these days, not near Halloween. In July, actually, every year since 1989.
SARAH: That's extra funny then.
KAYLA: Unless there's another Bologna festival going on other places in the Midwest.
SARAH: I mean, nothing else came up.
KAYLA: But like, from what I understand, Yale is a redneck town in the Midwest, so.
SARAH: Okay, I just looked up. If my parents wanted to go to this, they could drive there in one hour and three minutes.
KAYLA: I'm pretty sure I have family that like lives relatively close to this area. Should we… y'all, should we all meet at the Bologna festival next year, be honest? I'm looking at the schedule, and there's like, really not enough bologna-themed things, I think, on this to like warrant that it's a Bologna festival. Exotic animal show.
SARAH: A three-day celebration of bologna on the last full weekend in July.
KAYLA: They have a bologna ring toss.
SARAH: Bolognaville.
KAYLA: Sorry, bologna ring toss world finals? So, cornhole tournament.
SARAH: Last Chance Auction, hosted by Yale Area Chamber of Commerce. Live Auction, BYOB 21+. Music by DJ Jay.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Royalty, paparazzi, VIP’s, with an apostrophe that's backwards, fun.
KAYLA: Okay, you guys, this schedule is packed.
SARAH: Oh my God. Bear GRR Chainsaw carving demonstration, that's so Michigan.
KAYLA: Let me give you a rundown of Saturday's schedule, okay? 8am, 5k Fun Run. Also, at 8am, 3 on 3 basketball, presented by the Yale high school basketball teams. 9.30am, sorry, skip to 10am, the Pet Parade.
SARAH: Sponsored by South Sanilac. Sorry, I don't know the small towns in The Thumb, Veterinary hospital.
KAYLA: 10am to 5pm, Antique Tractor Show. Not the Antique Car Show, no, no.
SARAH: The Antique Tractor Show. Oh my God, at 10.30 there's a Jaws of Life demo by Brockway Fire.
KAYLA: Yes! We have a Yale Jiggawatz Robotics Demo, a water fight, an ice cream social at a church, gross. Family Fun Variety Show, Horseshoe Tournament
SARAH: Elvis Live
KAYLA: Elvis Live, Rubber Ducky Race, more variety shows.
SARAH: SC4 Symphonic Band
KAYLA: Line Dancing Lessons, Library Cake Walk
SARAH: The Big Bologna Parade.
KAYLA: The Big Bologna Parade! Guys, should we go? Be honest. Oh, the Rufus and Dufus Comedy Show.
SARAH: On Sunday at 10am, an official part of the schedule is the Yale Ministerial Church Service. What?
KAYLA: I got excited because I thought it said Mr. Bolognaville Pin-Up Contest, but it's Ms. Bolognaville Pin-Up Contest. I thought it was going to be like men in Bologna drag and I got really excited, but I don't know why I would have thought.
SARAH: I can't believe the Ms. Bolognaville Pin-Up Contest and the Foam Party are at the same time, what if you want to do both?
KAYLA: Yeah, but I like that it's… the pin-up contest is hosted by Maelynn Mitten. Do you think that's like a real name?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Also, yeah, what if I want to go to the Foam Party?
SARAH: Cardboard Boat Races on Mill Creek hosted by McMillin's furniture.
KAYLA: That's hard, I've tried to make a cardboard boat before. Not good.
SARAH: Car Show Registration presented by Boy Scouts Troup #132. I think the car show is probably presented by them, but they made it seem like the registration is presented by them.
KAYLA: You guys do not worry. The kids zone is back Friday and Saturday on Mechanic Street behind the Big Bologna Tent.
SARAH: Where's Rosco the Clown?
KAYLA: Where's Rosco the Clown? In Yale all weekend? Don't miss out pal. Can I get… buy your official 2024 festival t-shirt?
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: I will. We have to be going to this.
SARAH: Oh my God, they have Bologna royalty. Oh my God, one of them is Miss Teen Michigan.
KAYLA: That's sad for them. Are you looking at the pictures?
SARAH: Yeah. Oh, hold on.
KAYLA: The Bologna that they make them wear on their crowns looks like a butthole.
SARAH: Oh. On Friday, they have a Hula Hoop Contest.
KAYLA: Hell yes.
SARAH: Oh my God, they have a Cornhole Tournament.
KAYLA: Imagine putting ‘Bologna Queen’ on your college application.
SARAH: 12:30 P.M., Kids/Adults Watermelon Eating Contest.
KAYLA: Whack a Car Fundraiser? Fun.
SARAH: Yeah, you get to hit a car for charity.
KAYLA: A Bike Parade. Lot of parades.
SARAH: There's a petting zoo and pony rides.
KAYLA: This?
SARAH: Friends of the Library Book Sale.
KAYLA: The Water Fight is with the fire department? I don't think that's safe. I don't think so.
SARAH: Keychain Craft with Yale Senior Center.
KAYLA: I'm looking at the t-shirt design from 2023 and it's a Bologna with like greaser hair in a corvette and it says, “we ain't nothin’ but Bologna! Rockin’ since ’89!”
SARAH: Where’s the t-shirt? I can't find the t-shirt.
KAYLA: I mean it's the logo from 2023. It's in the photos page.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: But like, it doesn't even rhyme. “We ain't got nothin’ but Bologna…” Also like you do have a lot of things that aren't Bologna.
SARAH: God, I love everything about this.
KAYLA: Like it's mostly not Bologna. We have to go. Should I ask my family if they've ever been to the Yale Bologna Fest? I'm gonna make my sister take my nephew. Rachel, I know you're listening, we're taking him to the Bologna festival in July.
SARAH: I'm sending this to my family group chat and saying, “you need to go.”
KAYLA: We have to go. I think we should do a live podcast from Bologna fest.
SARAH: I just sent the link to my family group chat and you know how it like auto populates with the photo from the link
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Because the website is yalebolognafestival.org but the photo is Yale Area Chamber of Commerce working to bring businesses together.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: Oh my God. Wow, you know, I'm really into the Chainsaw Carving Demonstration.
KAYLA: Yeah, I really like the Jaws of Life Demonstration. Like why are we doing that?
SARAH: Hungry Hippo Inflatable Game, Laser Tag by Battle GR.
KAYLA: That's fun.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Sorry. 10 A.M to 4 P.M, Fun Activities in Yale library. Like what? Okay, okay. We need to stop. I'm glad that we ended here.
KAYLA: I'm looking it up on Instagram.
SARAH: Do they have an Instagram?
KAYLA: I highly doubt it, just from the state of their website alone.
SARAH: Yeah, I know that's a good point.
KAYLA: But maybe someone has posted about it.
SARAH: Oh my God. Okay, Kayla, what's our poll for this week? Are you going to the 2025 Bologna festival?
KAYLA: Are you going to the 2025 Bologna festival? Because I am. See y'all there. I know we have Michigan listeners.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Meet me at Bologna fest.
SARAH: Bologna royalty last chance old Hollywood themed auction with DJ Jay at the Yale VFW 21+ and over, that's redundant. No cover. BYOB doors open at 7 p.m.
KAYLA: I should hope there's no cover. In Yale, we're doing cover?
SARAH: BYOB
KAYLA: Oh my God. So good. So good.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: I'm gonna go get fucked up on my own beers at Bologna fest.
SARAH: Bear GRR Chainsaw.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Yeah, there's just a bunch of like local businesses that have like vendor tables and tents.
KAYLA: We could have a tent.
SARAH: Kayla?
KAYLA: Yes?
SARAH: Jandi Creations.
KAYLA: Yes!
SARAH: Needs to get a table at the Bologna fest.
KAYLA: Texting.
SARAH: The business, the craft business that Kayla's parents do needs to get a table at the Bologna fest. One of the vendors is ‘dress em up’ doll clothes and the contact information is just an email address. If anyone wants to inquire about ‘dress em up’ doll clothes it's hannah5674@yahoo.com.
KAYLA: Yes, yes.
SARAH: And the description is ‘doll clothes.’
KAYLA: Yeah, well, hey.
SARAH: This is perfect. This is a perfect event.
KAYLA: We're going. I'm being serious.
SARAH: Fancy Pants Paws? Is this dog clothes? Oh my God. Okay, it's mostly bandanas, but the photo that they used is this absolute… I'm just gonna screen share, I… like I…
KAYLA: My dad and said an enthusiastic yes.
SARAH: This is the…
KAYLA: Awww. Who is this diva?
SARAH: It's mostly bandanas, but I was… when I saw this I was like, “is this what they sell?” Kayla, please describe this photo for the people.
KAYLA: This is a dog, one of those crusty white ones, with a wide stance.
SARAH: No, nobody is knocking you over.
KAYLA: Legs are out wearing jeans. And if you ever wondered how a dog would wear pants…
SARAH: It’s like this
KAYLA: This way or this way? It's this way.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Just the back legs and then a pink t-shirt and a pink little baseball cap. Sarah, can you send that picture to me for real so I can make sure to post it?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because that's my new reaction meme to everything.
SARAH: And the sunglasses.
KAYLA: Wait, there is sunglasses?
SARAH: The sunglasses straight out of 2007. I'm honestly sad they're not bedazzled.
KAYLA: It's actually shocking. This picture was posted in 2023 and it's this person's daughter's dog London, which perfect name for the way this dog is dressed.
SARAH: Oh, yeah.
KAYLA: It's a real London Tipton.
SARAH: I was going to say it's London Tipton. Also, it's wearing…
KAYLA: It's shocking that this is what the dog is wearing. Oh my God, it has shoes on.
SARAH: Little denim converse shoes on each of its four feet.
KAYLA: I love this dog.
SARAH: Should I write a comment?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: No, I'm not going to do it.
KAYLA: Who is this diva?
SARAH: Who is this diva?
KAYLA: I love her. London, my queen.
SARAH: I love her so much. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm going to cry. Okay. Preston Chiropractic.
KAYLA: Rice 3D printing? What are you 3D printing, rice?
SARAH: Rolling Cactus who makes Mexican food. Do you think they're white?
KAYLA: Do you think that's the food truck that the lady works in that the guy is in love with? It all is going down at Bologna Festival.
SARAH: Yes. Why is the Rolling Cactus sharing posts about burning body fat?
KAYLA: Oh no, they've been hacked. Oh, they're just doing a lot of sharing videos.
SARAH: They're treating it like their personal account. Oh, from November we finally have a post that's about the business.
KAYLA: I mean the food doesn't look bad.
SARAH: Yeah, and some of the posts that they're sharing are in Spanish.
KAYLA: Okay, that's good.
SARAH: And it says, call Maria, so Maria could be actually Mexican.
KAYLA: I'm feeling better about it now that I know they speak Spanish.
SARAH: Oh my God, good morning amigos. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, we will not be at the Mobile Express this week. For those keeping track at home, the Mobile Express is a gas station.
KAYLA: I'm telling my family to tune into this week's episode for a lengthy discussion on the Bologna Fest, but then I remembered that my dad doesn't like when we get off topic. So, he's gonna hate this part.
SARAH: He’s gonna hate this. If you ever wanted to see the Rolling Cactus and you're in southeast Michigan, slash kind of getting closer to The Thumb, it looks like they like to stop at Mobile Express on 32 Mile and Romeo Plank. So…
KAYLA: Romeo Plank is a silly road name.
SARAH: I guess you don't get those over there.
KAYLA: Plank?
SARAH: Because these are road names that are familiar to me, but like they're probably not to you.
KAYLA: Romeo sounds familiar to me.
SARAH: Romeo is a place. There's Romeo, it's like a city.
KAYLA: She lives in a Bologna Fest, and so do I.
SARAH: And so do I, anyway.
KAYLA: The dog!
SARAH: The fucking dog! Oh my God, okay. Well…
KAYLA: I want that dog to officiate my wedding.
SARAH: Oh my God, oh my God. Okay…
KAYLA: We have to be going.
SARAH: We have to stop. That last one just took so long because we got so off track.
KAYLA: I think we were very on track.
SARAH: Okay, what's our poll for this week? Who is this diva?
KAYLA: Who is this diva? That's the poll. Who is this diva?
SARAH: London.
KAYLA: I mean, this diva is her daughter's dog, London, but who is this diva?
SARAH: Do we have an actual poll?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Oh, great. Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is they keep making me do work at work. What?
SARAH: Absolutely unbelievable.
KAYLA: What? It's like, what? My juice is that diva.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Also, the air fryer. Do you know about these? Love them.
SARAH: I guess I kind of have one now.
KAYLA: I have an air fryer toaster oven.
SARAH: Me too, it’s what I have.
KAYLA: And I haven't used it much for a lot of different things, but Dean has abandoned me to go many places in the past couple of weeks.
SARAH: Are you making them nuggies?
KAYLA: No, I've actually been making food, not frozen food. I've been good. And all of the food I've made is really good. And also, has been very fast. And I was like, “am I a chef?” Because I hate cooking and Dean does all the cooking. So, I was afraid I was going to wither away while he was gone.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I've lived, thanks to the air fryer.
SARAH: I had never had a toaster oven until I lived with my previous roommate. And then I got used to having a toaster oven. And then when she moved out…
KAYLA: For all your waffles?
SARAH: I don't use it for my waffles, I use the regular toaster for that.
KAYLA: Okay, bougie, two toasters.
SARAH: Well, I already had a toaster.
KAYLA: What do you use your toaster oven for then?
SARAH: Oh, man. Well, because it's also an air fryer.
KAYLA: So, what are we making?
SARAH: I put my chicken tendies in there.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Instead of using the oven, I will roast carrots in there.
KAYLA: I made broccoli in there today.
SARAH: Yeah. I will make fries in there. Like the frozen ones. I'm not here like cutting potatoes.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Mostly that.
KAYLA: I love that for you. I tried to make a giant cookie in there one time, but…
SARAH: It didn't work?
KAYLA: Too big.
SARAH: Too big.
KAYLA: Too big. I didn't spread… But ours came with like a stone, like a pizza stone.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: And I think if I had put the cookie on there, it would have worked.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: It also came with a thing to rotisserie a chicken.
SARAH: Oh, wow.
KAYLA: Like the pointy things.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: To stick it
SARAH: To stick it.
KAYLA: In the butt.
SARAH: Well… Okay. Was that your beef and your juice?
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: Okay. My beef is I've just been very busy at work. And…
KAYLA: I can't believe they're making us do this.
SARAH: It's just unbelievable. My juice is I saw a Taemin concert with my mom and also my friend who had never met my mom before.
KAYLA: Julie!
SARAH: We had a grand time. We somehow ended up our tickets were in the seventh row.
KAYLA: Oh, wow.
SARAH: And it was in like a venue that holds like 17,000 people.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: I don't know. I don't know. And the tickets weren't even that expensive. It was crazy. It was wild how it happened. Because when I was ticketing for Hobie, I was 40,000th in the queue.
KAYLA: Oh
[00:50:00]
SARAH: So, clearly that luck didn't hold.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: My other juice, I don't know if I told you this, I'm getting a cat.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: I'm getting a cat.
KAYLA: What? What? It's like we’re…
SARAH: You know I have been wanting to get a cat, but I was just…
KAYLA: Last I heard you needed to begin talking to your landlord about it.
SARAH: Yeah, my lease ends in two days, I already talked to my landlord about it.
KAYLA: Well, no one told me that.
SARAH: Well, he was basically like, “do you want to renew your lease?”
KAYLA: I had heard that because he was…
SARAH: Because he was weird about it.
KAYLA: Being a real pill about it.
SARAH: And I was basically just like, “I'm going to be getting…” I didn't even really ask if I could get a cat. I just kind of told him and he like didn't push back at all.
KAYLA: When were you planning to tell me this?
SARAH: I don't know. I mean, I didn't know for sure, for sure, for sure until I signed my lease on Saturday.
KAYLA: It has been several days since Saturday, I'm not sure if you were aware of that.
SARAH: Yeah. On Saturday, me and my mom were like, “should I get a cat right now?” But then I was like, “I need to buy things. I don't want to have to buy an ugly cat tree just because I have a cat right now and I need it right now.”
KAYLA: I mean the cat doesn't need the cat tree immediately, but I understand.
SARAH: I know. But like, just like the stuff, all the stuff.
KAYLA: See, that's more responsible than I was because when I first moved out of college into like my first apartment, I moved in and then the next day went and got a cat. I got a cat as fast as I possibly could.
SARAH: Amazing. But I'm going to get a cat and hopefully it will be better for my mental health.
KAYLA: Where are you going to get it from?
SARAH: Uh, the… I was going to say the cat store. I'm going to adopt a cat. I'm not… who fucking buys a kitten? Where do you even get a kitten from?
KAYLA: I don’t know. Are you going to get a baby?
SARAH: I'm probably going to get an adult cat or at least a mostly adult cat.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Um, because, because. Um, and my mom keeps being like, “you're such a dog person. I want you to get a dog.” And I was like, “me too.” But like…
KAYLA: It's not in the cards at this time.
SARAH: It's not in the cards right now.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like even if I could bring the dog to my current work, it's like, I don't want to stay at this job forever. And if I get a new job and I end up working 60 hours a week, like that's not… I can't.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: A cat can survive that, a dog will…
KAYLA: Be sad.
SARAH: Be sad.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: This is insane and I'll never forgive you for this.
SARAH: Okay. Um, you can tell us…
KAYLA: I have a new beef.
SARAH: I helped name both of your cats.
KAYLA: Is that… okay, what's that supposed to do?
SARAH: I'm just saying… it's just a fact. I don't really know where I was going with that. Um, you can tell us about your beef, your juice, your cats on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We have a new $2 patron. Kayla is just sitting there with her arms crossed being angry. We have a new $2 patron who's actually an Australian, 3.50 patron, Hannah. Thank you, Hannah.
KAYLA: Hannah.
SARAH: Thank you for joining. No, don't do that.
KAYLA: I can do whatever I want right now.
SARAH: This is for your protection that I'm telling you not to do that.
KAYLA: No, I think everyone understands how upset I am right now.
SARAH: Okay. Do an Australian accent.
KAYLA: I already did.
SARAH: Express your…
KAYLA: It was really good.
SARAH: Express your distaste with me in an Australian accent.
KAYLA: How would an Australian, I know they like to say cunt. How would an Australian person say cunt? You're a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Crikey? I don't know.
SARAH: Our $5 patrons who we're promoting this week are Lily, Mark Cornick, Mary S., Mel McMeans, and Melissa. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Purple Hayes, who’d like to promote the musician Vinther, Barefoot Backpacker, who would like to promote their YouTube channel rtwbarefoot, SongOStorm, who would like to promote a healthy work-life balance. Again, I say it pretty much every time, but never matter. And Val, who would like to promote a healthy work-life balance. Our other $10 patrons are Alastor, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Bones, Celina Dobson, Clare Olsen, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, my Aunt Jeannie, Kayla's dad, which I mean, we already gave the plug, JandiCreations.com. You get an extra.
KAYLA: Coming to a Bologna fest near you.
SARAH: Exactly. Maff, Martin Chiesl, Olivia O’Shea, Parker, and Phoenix Leodinh. Our $15 patrons are Ace, who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum, who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Hector Murillo, who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person. Nathaniel White, who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Fuck, Kayla's Aunt Nina, who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Schnell, who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly, Dr. Jacki, my mom, and River, who would like to promote the Yale Bologna Fest. Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, tell your friends important information about your life.
SARAH: What about your cows? Should I know?
KAYLA: Well, I guess no one knows these days, do they?
SARAH: Bye.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
