Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 339: Doing Things Alone
Hey what's up hello! This week we're talking about doing things by yourself when they are normally done as a couple or in a group.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/doing-things-alone
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SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl (that’s me, Kayla)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Doing Things Alone.’
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod. How is everyone? Good? Thanks. Okay. Do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Great. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, we're being alone.
SARAH: We're being alone, but we're being happy about it.
KAYLA: Yeah. Or we're trying to be.
SARAH: We're trying to be. We're talking about doing things alone that often you think of as something you would do with a partner or just with other people in general.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Someone in the discord suggested this, right?
KAYLA: It was Backstage Gremlin.
SARAH: Backstage Gremlin, mm, very good.
KAYLA: They said, “activities people should stop questioning you for doing alone, like going to the movies, having dinner out, traveling.” And then some folks, including Barefoot Backpacker.
SARAH: Backfoot Backpacker.
KAYLA: Exactly. Shared their experiences about traveling alone, which I, I mean, we could get right into that because that seems so scary to me.
SARAH: All right. Let's get right into that. Why? Because you're a woman?
KAYLA: Because I'm a woman, yes. I was about to say it depends slightly on the type of traveling you're doing, but I don't even necessarily think that's true because…
SARAH: In what way were you thinking?
KAYLA: Well, I was thinking international travel or like big travel. I know some people, women, who solo-travel to very random countries all the time. One particular person I know, this is like her life. She works to pay for these vacations she goes on. It's really cool. She's been to just the most amazing places, but she almost always is alone going to just the most random countries. And I'm like, “I don't understand how you do that and feel safe.”
SARAH: Yeah. I know there's a lot of online community around female solo travelers, but didn't Backfoot Backpacker in the Discord say that aside from groups of two people, the most common type of traveler they see is solo women?
KAYLA: Yeah, they did say that. Which is interesting because I feel like the common thought is that it would be very dangerous. But I guess if you do it in the right way, you go to the right places and if you're smart about it.
SARAH: And you’re thoughtful about it. Yeah.
KAYLA: Right. Like the friend I have that does this, she has worked in hospitality for most of her life or some of her, whatever. She studied hospitality too. So, she understands how to find a safe place to stay and what places to go to and stuff like that. Obviously after traveling to so many places alone, she's good at it, but I just don't think I could do it. I can't even travel… At my old job, I went to conferences a couple of times before they laid me off.
SARAH: Hehe
KAYLA: And I would travel to those conferences alone and stay in hotel rooms alone. And even that, especially at first, I was like, “I don't like this.” Like, I don't like being in a hotel room alone.
SARAH: Yeah. I have done transatlantic travel alone, but it was to get somewhere where I was meeting people.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And like I have traveled…like when I did my semester in Germany, I traveled alone to Edinburgh, but I was meeting my friend there. Or I traveled alone to Rome, but I was meeting my friend there and I got there a little bit earlier than my friend. I got very stressed because I could not find the hostel, it turns out the entrance to the hostel was a laundromat.
KAYLA: Of course, it was. Sarah, you silly goose. Of course, it was.
SARAH: Silly, silly goose. But I had an internet friend who was like, “yeah…” who lived in Rome, who was like, “yeah, I'll show you around.” So then once I finally found the goddamn hostel, I met up with that friend who I had never met before.
KAYLA: That’s fun.
SARAH: And she just like showed me around Rome. And then my friend got there and then I was with my friend. And then I met you.
KAYLA: Yes, it wasn't Rome. I was trying to remember whether it was in France or Italy that I saw you.
SARAH: It was both.
KAYLA: But it was…
SARAH: It was both.
KAYLA: It was both.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Slay, international besties.
SARAH: Hehehe. And also, just traveling from California to Michigan all the time, I am totally chill doing flights and stuff by myself. I'm very comfortable doing that. But I think traveling to another country where you are not meeting someone there, and if you do not speak the language, especially because a lot of these solo travelers, they go to less traveled places because they're very cool. They don't just do the touristy stuff because they would run out of it because they do it all the time.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: They go to cool places that are less traveled. But as a result of that, because they're less touristy, the people there are less likely to speak English or less likely to just speak another language generally, whether that's Spanish, whether that's whatever, another language that you might know. And I can just imagine that would be very stressful.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't even think it's like… I think if I felt completely safe, solo travel would be fine, I think I would find ways to enjoy it.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: But I don't think I could be comfortable enough to do that.
SARAH: Yeah. Here's my thing, which is also why we were going to do this podcast last week, but I was not in the right headspace.
KAYLA: Fair.
SARAH: But in theory, I like it. But I think part of it, maybe this is easier if you are not aspec. In some sense, doing things by yourself as an aspec person is easier because you're like, “no, of course I don't need to do this with someone else, I can just do…” whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But if you're not an aspec person and you do have a partner or you anticipate eventually at some point in your life having a partner, you're like doing stuff solo is a full-throated choice. Whereas there are situations where me as an aspec person, I feel like it's my only option. And so, it feels less liberating because I feel like it's the only thing I… you know?
KAYLA: I do get that. I think it's also… I think the enjoyment you can get out of being alone, I do think it has a lot to do with that choice. Because thinking back to when I lived alone in Connecticut, right after we graduated college, I did not know anyone. I lived alone. And so alone was my default, right? So, I didn't like it because I had a very hard time with it. And then when I was around people, I was like, “oh, this is great.” Now that I see people all the time at home and at work, I'm like, “I could actually stand to be alone now.” Because now being around people is my default. And it was even different when I was like working from home because then I barely saw people because I was just like talking to people on a computer. But especially now going into an office and seeing like hundreds of people a day, I'm like, “mm, ah.”
SARAH: Sometimes now… because now that I live alone and I have lived alone for like a year now, more than a year.
KAYLA: That's crazy.
SARAH: But now I have a child.
KAYLA: Now you have a child, a stinky child.
SARAH: A stinky child. But sometimes I'm like, “Am I really that introverted? Or do I just like not have a social life?” Like, do I just not see people? But then when I do see people, I'm like, “Oh, no, I am still introverted.”
KAYLA: I think you are because thinking back…
SARAH: I am quite introverted. But like, even me, like being a very introverted person sometimes like living alone and being by myself. I'm like, “this is horrible.”
KAYLA: Yeah, it's not… there are definitely downsides. I think, obviously, there's upsides to everything, right? Like you have a lot of freedom living by yourself.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But yeah, it's a lot.
SARAH: And if you're traveling by yourself, let's talk about the upsides. Traveling by yourself, you can do whatever the fuck you want.
KAYLA: I know you don't have to deal with the drama, especially like traveling with big groups.
SARAH: Oh, yeah.
KAYLA: It can be a lot if you're not all on the same page. Like there's a lot of like…
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: It can just be a mess. I mean, I think that's a pro to doing stuff by yourself for like anything.
SARAH: Yeah, like if you want to sit…
KAYLA: Like going out to dinner, seeing a movie.
SARAH: If you want to sit by the river and watch birds for three hours, you can.
KAYLA: Do it.
SARAH: I personally probably wouldn't.
KAYLA: I don't think… I don’t know.
SARAH: But that's why you're on that solo trip, not with me.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: Going back briefly, I think part of the thing with like solo travel is I just don't think you and I, either of us have the personality for it.
KAYLA: I don't think I'm outgoing enough because I think when you solo travel, you have to be really okay talking to strangers.
SARAH: That’s true.
KAYLA: Like you have to interact.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Yeah. I didn't even think about that because I was thinking of the two of us. I'm maybe a little bit more suited for solo travel just because I think I can go with the flow more than you can.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But from an outgoing standpoint, I do not have that.
KAYLA: I don't know, I don't think I'm as introverted as you are, but like in…
SARAH: No, you're not.
KAYLA: My friend that I'm talking about is like an extreme example, she's like extremely outgoing, she travels like this all the time. I don't even remember what country she was recently in. But she posted this video about like her car that she rented, like broke down in this desert in this man who she like didn't speak his language, like helped her and then brought her back to his house with his family and then they were like eating dinner and like playing with his camels and stuff. And she was like, “I had the most amazing time.” She always has stories like that of just like meeting locals and they like take her on these like secret hikes or like do all this stuff.
SARAH: She must have a really good danger/safety radar.
KAYLA: I think she does. I think she does.
SARAH: Because if this happens to her all the time, but she hasn't had horror stories, that says to me that she is a very good judge of what is safe and what is not.
KAYLA: I think she does because she has lived also like a lot of different places and like had a little a lot of different types of jobs. So, I think she… yes, she has just like a good instinct for that kind of thing. I'm sure bad stuff has happened to her while traveling too.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: You know, like she has mentioned like men being creepy or whatever.
SARAH: Men do be creepy.
KAYLA: Men are the worst. Um, but that just makes me think like solo travel… Like when you're in a group of people, it takes that social pressure off a little bit. Even I'm thinking like interacting with like waitstaff.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Alone feels awkward to me. But at least if I'm sitting with someone else, we're like all in that social interaction together.
SARAH: Yeah. Or even just like doing a weird thing in public. Like, okay, say you're like vlogging. Okay?
KAYLA: Oh, I don't, I can't.
SARAH: If you're vlogging by yourself, I am personally going to be way, way, way, way, way, way, way more uncomfortable and self-conscious than I would be if I am with another person.
KAYLA: That's another thing my friend does. She like does like travel photography sometimes. So, she like brings her tripod with her and like sets up and just like does in front of like everyone or like she'll have people like take pictures of her for her. And I'm like, “how are you doing that? How are you doing that?”
SARAH: Yeah. We just don't have the right personality types for it.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: But assuming we did, let's talk about the benefits.
KAYLA: Okay. I mean, you can do whatever you want.
SARAH: I just thought about a drawback.
KAYLA: No, that's not what we're doing right now.
SARAH: Well, hotels are just going to be more expensive. If you do a hotel, if you do like a hostel, then it won't make a difference.
KAYLA: Yes. I feel like some things could be cheaper though.
SARAH: Maybe.
KAYLA: I guess it depends on what kind of person you are. If you're like traveling with people who like to be bougie, then you could save money by going by yourself.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I guess it really depends on how much you as a person are trying to spend.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, when I was doing my semester abroad, whenever I studied, whenever I traveled, we… if I was not in a large group where we would like rent out a whole Airbnb for all of us, I would pretty much always stay in a hostel. Here's the thing though, I was 19.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I'm no longer 19 and that does not appeal to me.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I mean, it didn't really appeal to me that much then, but it was like a price point thing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But now I'm like, “I don't think I'm willing.”
KAYLA: I think I could do… have you seen those like sleep pod hotels in like Tokyo? I think I could do that because it's like, “this is my little space.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think I would really like sleeping in a tube for a night, to be honest with you. I think I'd have a good time.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't know that I can do bunk beds with a bunch of adult strangers. I did summer camp and that was cute and fun, but we all like knew what we were there for. And there was a camp counselor there to keep people from being wild, but I don't think I could do a hostel.
SARAH: The hostel I stayed in in Rome where the entrance was in a laundromat…
KAYLA: Yes, the secret hostel.
SARAH: The room I was in was actually really nice because it was only four beds and it was me and they were not bunked, they were just like regular.
KAYLA: Oh, that's nice.
SARAH: And it was me and my friend. And I think there may have been two people that… other people that eventually came, but like it was pretty chill. The hostel I stayed in in Edinburgh, everyone was there was very nice and lovely
KAYLA: That’s good.
SARAH: But there were just… it was just like a lot of people, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. I also just like need, when I'm traveling somewhere to go back to just like be a vegetable for a while.
SARAH: It's because we're introverts.
KAYLA: And I don't think you can do that in a hostel.
SARAH: Hostels are made for extroverts.
KAYLA: I need to potato.
SARAH: And we are introverts.
KAYLA: I cannot tell you how much I slept on my last vacation. You're supposed to like be active and do things on vacation. No, no. I went to bed early every night.
SARAH: My entire nuclear family are introverts to different degrees, but we are all introverts.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, my whole life, when we would travel, we traveled like introverts.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And like, I remember when I was in high school, we did a trip to New York City and it was New York City. So, our hotel room was pretty small. Like we had one hotel room for all four of us and it was pretty small.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But like after we had been out and about in the city all day doing our stuff, like we got back to the hotel, none of us spoke to each other.
KAYLA: No, of course not.
SARAH: Like I was sitting there with my headphones in like doing whatever on my… it might've been an iPod touch. No, I think it was a phone, I think it was a phone. No, I think it was an iPod touch. My dad was just like watching TV. My mom was reading. My sister was… like we were not speaking to each other because we all needed to like decompress.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But then my sister married an extrovert. So, like that was a learning curve for the two of them.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's a tough one.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah. I just… I'm such an introvert that like I need to just… I need you to leave me alone.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Leave me the fuck alone. Anyway. Okay. Okay. Pros of traveling by yourself, you can do whatever the fuck you want.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: You can change your plans as much or as little as you want.
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: Because sometimes you're with people who have very different values than you when it comes to sticking to an agenda.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Where do you fall on that?
KAYLA: Um, I will say all I need when I'm traveling, I like need to know when my next meal is going to be.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: My body is so sensitive, especially when I'm like moving around a bunch. My body is so sensitive to food intake that if we're just doing a thing where we're just wandering around without a plan and “oh, we'll just find somewhere for lunch,” no, no, because then we're going to look at like 20 restaurants, they're all going to have lines and then by the time we find somewhere it's dinner time and I'm going to be really upset.
SARAH: Yeah, that's valid. I think like I'm… I think when it comes down to like traveling, like the actual act of traveling, like I need to have a plan because I am not missing a fucking plane or a train or whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That I cannot be chill about.
KAYLA: Yeah, fair.
SARAH: Or if it's something that like you have paid money for this experience, we are going to be there when we're supposed to be there. Like we cannot fuck that up.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like, if you're like, “oh, we were talking about going to this place that's free.” And instead, we're going to go to this place that's also free. I would be like, “sure, that's fine.”
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, I don't have to do like hour by hour, minute by minute.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's kind of how last year Dean and I went to Scotland and Ireland for a wedding and we spent some extra time there traveling. And I was really nervous leading up to that trip because we hadn't like planned a lot of stuff. We hadn't booked a lot of tickets for different things. And that kind of like freaked me out. So, I did book tickets for a couple of things that you like needed to, or you weren't going to get in.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But that ended up being a nice mix because some days we were just able to just decide on a whim like, oh, let's go here or whatever. And then other days it was like, okay, we have to be here at this time and we know we're going to do that. And that ended up, I liked that a lot because…
SARAH: Yeah. I'm thinking back about a lot of the travel I did when I did my semester in Germany, because honestly that was the last time that I like just like traveled for the sake of traveling.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which was so many years ago?
KAYLA: So long ago.
SARAH: Eight years ago?
KAYLA: Uh-oh.
SARAH: Hehehe. But one of the first trips that I went on was me and the other Michigan kids went to Prague and then we went to, fuck, not Freiburg, Nuremberg? We went to Prague and then we went to another city in Germany. And looking back on it, I'm like, “that was insane,” because I had known these people for less than a month and we were traveling together. And like, we don't know each other well enough to like know what the others are like as travelers or be able to expect what others are like as travelers. And like, it turned out fine, but it was just like, if I had been a more uptight person, that could have been a problem.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Well, and one of those… when we were in Prague, one day we… there's this church outside of Prague that the inside is full of skulls and like skeleton things.
KAYLA: Oh, good.
[00:20:00]
SARAH: And we were like, “let's go there.” So, we took the train and we got there and it was like late afternoon and we got to the church and they were like, “we are closed.” And we were like, “what do you mean you're closed?” And they were like, “we have different hours depending on the time of year.”
KAYLA: Oh, that's nice.
SARAH: And we were like, “Oh.” So, then we were in this random small town in the Czech Republic
KAYLA: Good
SARAH: With like nothing to do and the next train wasn't for like several hours. So, we were just like, “I guess we're here now.” And we just like wandered around. We found a restaurant I ate a block of fried cheese.
KAYLA: Of course.
SARAH: Um, and because we were outside of Prague, they didn't speak English as well either.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But like, we were just like, “okay, we can go with it.” Or like when I went to Amsterdam and we ended up staying in an Airbnb that was a boat.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: 10 people in a boat.
KAYLA: On a boat.
SARAH: Sometimes I look back at that and I'm like, “wow, I really was 19, huh?”
KAYLA: Yeah. That's so crazy. I honestly find the worst part about traveling with other people, especially large group, is the decision-making.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like the decision of how much money are we going to spend? What people value in a place to stay? Is it location? Is it how fancy it is? Like that kind of thing. Honestly, I think that is the biggest pro of traveling alone is that you don't have to do all of the pre-work of setting up a vacation because it can get so crazy.
SARAH: Yeah. In that particular instance we didn't have a lot of options for housing because there was just a lot going on in Prague or in Amsterdam that weekend. It ended up being VidCon Europe, the one and only VidCon Europe, which I went to and I wanted to go to, and then one of the other people in the group also wanted to go to, but we didn't know each other very well, but we were like, “okay, so we're going together?” And then that person… like, I'm still friends with them. Like that is the person that I am most friends with out of everyone from that group. So, slay. But yeah, we almost got scammed and then instead we stayed in a boat.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: Anyway, going to concerts by yourself. Have you ever done this?
KAYLA: I have not, this also scares me.
SARAH: I have done this.
KAYLA: Is this not something… that feels like something that I also need to be social at? That I need to, like, talk to strangers?
SARAH: Not really.
KAYLA: I don't wanna.
SARAH: You don't really have to. I mean, K-pop concert, I'm trying to think if I've been to a non-K-pop concert by myself, I can't think of any. K-pop concerts are very community-based, they're very community-ish.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, like, but like people are also very friendly at K-pop concerts. So, like, if you wanted to like befriend someone, it would be very easy to.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, like people are handing out freebies, like blah, blah, blah, blah. One of the things that I most like about going to concerts by yourself is that there is no one around you who knows you. Therefore, if you want to be insane, you don't have to worry about people you know judging you.
KAYLA: That is very fair.
SARAH: And like, you know, your friends shouldn't judge you. But like, you know, it's still gonna be...
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, you can just be insane if you want, and no one knows you.
KAYLA: That does seem nice.
SARAH: Also, it's a lot easier to find a good ticket if you're one person.
KAYLA: Yeah, that does seem like a big pro.
SARAH: Yeah. I don't know that I have ever been to like a real restaurant by myself.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was trying to think of that because I eat alone a good amount. Especially like at work, when I eat at lunch, I just need to like ‘not-people.’
SARAH: I basically always eat alone.
KAYLA: So, I never eat with other people. I don't understand how people do like, “oh, lunchtime, me and my co-workers go to the cafeteria together.” I see my co-workers all of the other hours I'm at work, I need an hour to watch my YouTube videos.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's very important to me.
SARAH: Very important. Yeah, I guess it just depends on how much interaction you've had with those people during the working hours, you know?
KAYLA: Especially where I am right now with my job, like the time of year, I am constantly interacting with people. So, I can't.
SARAH: Yeah, that's tough.
KAYLA: It's too much.
SARAH: Too much. Yeah, like, I've definitely like, in college, I would like, post up at Panera and I would like get Panera and eat and I'd be on my computer like doing shit. But like, that's not the same as going to like, a restaurant with a waiter, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm trying to think.
SARAH: And Panera has gotten so much worse because of private equity. It's because of private equity.
KAYLA: I haven't been in forever.
SARAH: Don't go.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: The quality has gone down so much.
KAYLA: That's sad.
SARAH: Apparently, the bagels are still good, but like, everything else just kind of sucks and is smaller and it's because of private equity. Anyway. Yeah, I've never been to like a restaurant with a waiter by myself.
KAYLA: I'm trying to think because… maybe I didn't go to... One of the last conferences I went to at my last job, I was the last one of my co-workers to leave the hotel. Like, I was there for an extra night and left the next morning when other people left the night before. And I'm trying to remember if I went to one of the restaurants at the hotel, because it was like a Great Wolf Lodge vibe, almost.
SARAH: Yeah. I think one time I ate technically at a restaurant by myself at the Atlanta airport, but that's an airport. Like, it's a whole different vibe.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm sure I've eaten alone. You know what's wild about an airport?
SARAH: Mm?
KAYLA: I never flew alone until I had graduated college.
SARAH: My first time flying alone is when I flew to Germany.
KAYLA: No, no, thank you. No, I don't think so.
SARAH: And I wasn't on any anxiety medication yet.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know how you did that.
SARAH: I don't either. I was 19, that's how.
KAYLA: That's how. You were on a medication; it was called being 19.
SARAH: I was very stressed though, because like after I got off the plane, I had to buy train tickets and get on the right train.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And my biggest problem, honestly, was I had too many suitcases and too few arms.
KAYLA: Yeah. You didn't get one of those little carts?
SARAH: Well, at the train station. Like I had to switch trains.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: And like, they have like those, like, you have to like take, there's like stairs.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And there's like a little thing that like you can put wheels on for the stairs. But like, I had like two suitcases and a backpack and a ukulele. And I was having a hard time and I was afraid that I was going to miss my train and I didn't really know what I was doing. And I was going to meet my host family, which I was nervous about. And… it was a lot.
KAYLA: It does seem like a lot.
SARAH: Shout out to my host family for being good.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Icons. Anyway.
KAYLA: I keep thinking back to what you said at like the beginning of this episode about like, whether doing things alone as an aspec is liberating because it's not a choice and I feel like that, so accurately describes so much about being aspec. I think it's easy to think about aspec identities as, or really any queer identities as like inherently radical or progressive or kind of, you know, sticking it to the man or whatever, which in a way they are, right? Like to queer something is to subvert something and to do things against the norm, but it's also not necessarily a choice.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I guess to act upon being queer as a choice, I guess you could just keep yourself in a closet forever like that is something you could do, but it's just very interesting to think about if it is actually that liberating when you don't have a choice, because I think people talk about doing things alone, like going to the movies or a restaurant alone as a practice of like liberating yourself, especially for people who that's like hard to do stuff alone like that for them. But it just makes me feel like, yeah, I don't know if as an aspec it feels the same.
SARAH: Yeah. I think because the world continues to be built for couples and groups and just not solo individuals.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, if you are traveling by yourself and you feel like it's really of your own choice, like I chose to do this thing by myself, then it can kind of feel like, oh, look at all those couples. Fuck them. I don't have to do whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But if you are traveling by yourself because you don't have any other choice or you're doing a thing by yourself because you don't have any other choice or even if like, I mean, yeah, I have friends, but like there are some things that are like couple-y to do. Like who am I going to go on vacation with?
KAYLA: Me.
SARAH: Apparently, Kayla. When's our… where are we going?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: Like that's something that I think about probably more often than I should, which is like people who are in relationships have a built-in person to go on vacation with. I am not super inclined to do significant solo travel. I think partially because I would feel… the whole time I would just be so aware that I was alone.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And like I would not love that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It would just make me think about like, oh, because I'm this particular brand of aro-ace and because I probably won't ever have a partner, I'm stuck like this.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And then like that makes you think about like the bad aspects. But like there are so many good aspects
KAYLA: Yeah
[00:30:00]
SARAH: But like I just… so then I'm always just thinking like, “who the fuck…?” Like when I have friends who like go on a weekend trip with their significant other, I'm like, “who the fuck am I going to do that with?”
KAYLA: Meeeeee.
SARAH: But you live across the country.
KAYLA: I guess a weekend trip is a little tough for us.
SARAH: Yeah. Like I think for me it's hard because like in addition to being the type of aro-ace that doesn't have a partner and doesn't plan on having a partner.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I have friends in LA, but first of all, my… I guess some of my closest friends in LA have partners, others have weird schedules.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And my like closest closest friends live across the country from me.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So.
KAYLA: Yeah. And it's very frustrating because I feel like most… like you said, the world is built for couples, there is so much couple privilege.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And so, it's frustrating because so much of the drawbacks of doing things alone is not… like it is because of the way society has been built. It's like not necessarily inherent, you know?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It's just that like, they want the government, they want people to have children. So, they incentivize relationships where people do that.
SARAH: In Europe, in a lot of European countries, can you get a single hotel room that's like… because you know how like the beds and hotels in Europe are often like single beds that go together?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Okay. Europe is very overarching. In my experiences, the hotels I have been in, I'm going to say primarily Germany, just because that's where most of my experience is. If you're in like a double, if it's like a double bed, it's really just like two twin beds that go together. And so, my question is like, if you're a single person, can you just get one twin bed? Like, is it cheaper?
KAYLA: Oh, I assume they would still give you the room.
SARAH: With two?
KAYLA: With two. My assumption is that it's economical to have it that way, because depending on the kinds of travelers, you could separate them and have two single beds instead of one double one.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, I don't know that they would just take a whole half out of it just to put it back.
SARAH: Just to put it back in. Yeah. I know. I'm just thinking about like… because like honestly for solo travel, like that is one of the most, I think cost prohibitive things is housing is not, unless again, you are going to stay at a hostel. It is not designed for a single person to stay. And so, you have to cover that whole cost yourself.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true.
SARAH: If you're somewhere where you need to rent a car, you have to do that yourself. It's, you know.
KAYLA: Yeah. There are a lot of costs that it's kind of assumed it will be split by people. It's like a car, you can fit like four people in there.
SARAH: Yeah. I'm traveling across the country to go to a wedding this summer and I am staying with friends while there and we were potentially going to be flying into two different airports. And so, we were like, if we do that, we're going to have to rent two different cars.
KAYLA: Oh, that's annoying.
SARAH: And then the one person who was just going to have to rent their own car was like, “that's expensive.” And I was like, “well, we can just split it evenly three ways. We don't have to have you pay for that.”
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But then we ended up having to change it and now we're all flying into the same airport and now we're all just sharing one car. But it's a cost prohibitive thing.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, there are so many costs, like living in an apartment alone, you have to cover all the utilities rather than splitting them.
SARAH: Yeah, I got to pay this whole rent.
KAYLA: I know. And all your expensive internet.
SARAH: Well, it's less expensive now because…
KAYLA: I know, because of your app.
SARAH: Because they fought with Spectrum for me.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But like, I got to pay for this whole rent for this whole thing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: When my roommate moved out, my rent more than doubled. So.
KAYLA: Hehehe.
SARAH: Also, like buying a house.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Buying a car. Leasing a car, that's all stuff that I have to cover myself.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: This was supposed to be about the positives of doing things by yourself. I think what it comes down to, though, is that like, as much as there are good things, society has made it such that there are so many things that will drag it down.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think it really, really comes down to active choice, too.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like I said, I think actively choosing to decouple yourself, to like take time for yourself to be introspective, that is very good for people. Like people need time alone in some capacity to be able to be like introspective. Like emotionally intelligent beings. You need to be able to like understand yourself, you know, to then go be like a good person. Yeah, I mean, I think you can get a lot of benefits from that when you choose to do it, when you want to and when you need to.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But when you don't have a choice, then yeah, you're not going to get as many of the benefits. Or you'll get the benefits, then you'll be like, “okay, I'm done now. I'm ready. I'm done.”
SARAH: Yeah, it reminds me of when my sister and my sister-in-law bought their house. Which happened sort of on accident, happens to the best of us.
KAYLA: We all accidentally buy a house.
SARAH: And to be fair, they live in a different state with a different cost of living than me. Like, significantly different. But when they were saying like, “oh, we have all these unexpected costs,” because they didn't expect to buy a house.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And they were just like, like, my sister was joking, like, “oh, no one is getting a Christmas present this year because you don't have any money.” And so, then I asked her, I was like, “how much is your mortgage?” And she gave me a number that was less than my rent.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: And I was like, “you are a dual income household. Both of you make more money than I do.”
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: “And you have a lower cost of living.”
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And like, objectively, I understand that that is still expensive for you. And they're having to pay for other stuff too. They have to fix the roof. But like, I told my sister, I was like, “objectively, I understand that this is difficult for you. However, I cannot feel bad for you right now. I cannot make myself.”
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If I ever want to buy a house, I have to pay for it myself. And like, I know people who like two couples together bought a house together. But like, those are still couples that bought a house together. Like, finding multiple friends who will buy a house with you is kind of unlikely.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, if you think about the difficulty of managing logistics for traveling with a group of friends and getting what everyone wants.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, yeah.
SARAH: So, you know.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I don't know that I've ever been to a movie by myself, which is crazy.
KAYLA: For some reason, I feel like I have, but I can't remember ever doing it. So maybe I haven't.
SARAH: No, I saw Barbie in the hurriquake before…
KAYLA: Huh?
SARAH: Remember?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: It was when we did the episode, the podcast episode about the Barbie movie.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And I needed to rewatch the Barbie movie before we did the episode.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And so, I got a ticket to go see the Barbie movie. But that was the day of the hurriquake.
KAYLA: I don't remember.
SARAH: Where there was a hurricane and an earthquake.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't recall that happening to you.
SARAH: And it was really rainy.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And I went to see Barbie by myself.
KAYLA: How was that?
SARAH: It was fine. Wet.
KAYLA: Yeah. The problem with me going to see a movie by myself is I really like to talk during a movie.
SARAH: You're so annoying. She's so annoying.
KAYLA: Really? Okay. I will... You'll be proud of me, though. There is a certain genre, like style of movie that I now not just don't let myself watch a movie theater, but prefer to watch at home because I like screaming at the TV. Saltburn.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Babygirl. Anora. If I had like, uh, what's it called? Not IMDB. Where you like rate movies. The film bros.
SARAH: Letterboxd.
KAYLA: Letterboxd. If I had a Letterboxd and you like make lists of movies, it would be like, ‘movies I rolled around on the floor and screamed at in my friend's living room.’ It would be those three movies. I could not see those in theaters. I needed to be screaming at the top of my lungs the entire time.
SARAH: Yeah. Valid.
KAYLA: And talking. I love to talk.
SARAH: Sometimes it really is just a communal experience.
KAYLA: I have a friend who watched Saltburn alone on Christmas Eve.
SARAH: Jesus Christ.
KAYLA: I could never have done something like that. I needed to be… I could not be alone watching that.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, like I watched… I'm so glad that I watched the fucking trans woman movie where she, the actress is Emilia Pérez.
KAYLA: Emilia Pérez?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I have not watched that. But I think I would also need to be around at least one other person.
SARAH: I'm very glad I watched that with friends because we did kind of yell at it sometimes. And at one point we were like, “it has gotta be more than halfway over.” And then we checked in and we were exactly at the halfway point. We were like, “dear God.”
KAYLA: Yeah. I could not watch that alone.
SARAH: I am that same group of people, hopefully, maybe not this coming weekend, but the following weekend, I'm going to make them all watch ‘The Room’ with me.
KAYLA: They've not seen it? They must.
SARAH: One of them has, I think the other one hasn't.
KAYLA: I haven't seen ‘The Room’ in so long.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: It has been so long. But I was like… ‘The Room’ is the kind of movie that you definitely want to have a communal watching experience.
KAYLA: Yeah. Oh, I feel the same way about Twilight. Twilight must be a communal experience.
SARAH: That’s fair. I've never seen Twilight.
KAYLA: Sarah, we must watch it. It's so funny.
SARAH: “This is the skin of a killer, Bella.”
KAYLA: It is so funny. It's like what? It's hilarious.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: We must watch it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think we should watch it… next time we're together, let's watch all the Twilight movies. I think we could do like a…
SARAH: All of them?
KAYLA: Yeah. I think… listen, once you watch a couple, you like need to fit it. Like it's a situation, but I think we could get like at least three episodes out of the Twilight movies because there is so much weird, like romantic sexual shit.
SARAH: Well, yeah, there's like a huge age gap, like an insane age gap.
KAYLA: Yeah. And he's also like… I don't know.
SARAH: I saw a video recently that was talking about the timeline of Twilight and how actually condensed everything is.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's like 20 days.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But he also like, you can tell a Mormon wrote it, out of respect, because he's like, “I will not have sex with you until we get married.” And it's like, “you're a vampire, I think we can kind of like…”
SARAH: We can do whatever the fuck we want.
KAYLA: And also, the way she got pregnant is because like he had one little bit left of like valid semen left from when he used to be a human. It's all crazy. Sarah, we've got to be watching this.
SARAH: And then the baby looked like that.
KAYLA: Yeah, yes, it did.
SARAH: I would like to jump back quickly and say we're talking about ‘The Room,’ not ‘Room’ with Brie Larson, those are two very different movies. We're talking about ‘The Room’ by… oh, what's his face?
KAYLA: Tommy.
SARAH: Tommy Wiseau.
KAYLA: Wiseau. It’s so good.
SARAH: A masterpiece.
KAYLA: It’s so good.
SARAH: If you have the opportunity to watch it with friends, please do. Even without friends, do it.
KAYLA: You must.
SARAH: It's insane.
KAYLA: You just must watch it.
SARAH: It's the best worst movie of all time. I can't believe I got to watch it in film school as like a thing for my class.
KAYLA: What a dream. That's actually a dream.
SARAH: Anyway, are there any other upsides we want to list before we stop ourselves? I mean, as much as it's like stupid expensive and dumb, buying a house or buying a car or whatever, again, you can do whatever the fuck you want. You do not have to consider anyone else's opinions or style or, you know.
KAYLA: Yeah. I truly do think that is the biggest upside of doing anything alone is that you just get to do whatever the fuck you want. I also, like I said before, I do think doing things alone and spending time alone is very important.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Like you cannot be… I guess, I don't know, I'm not a fucking psychiatrist. I don't think people should be around other people at all times.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like I think you need time to reflect and like figure out who you are.
SARAH: Even as a major introvert who like lives by myself, like sometimes I like, I do want to just like go on a walk and listen to my tunes or my podcasts. And just…
KAYLA: Yeah, I love going on… I think I prefer going on a walk by myself than going on a walk with other people.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't want to walk with you. Shut up…
SARAH: Much like Lizzie Bennet, I like to walk.
KAYLA: I’m listening to my podcast.
SARAH: Yeah, exactly. Because then other people… what if they're slower than you?
KAYLA: I'll scream.
SARAH: Intolerable.
KAYLA: I love to walk alone. I have a whole circuit, I'm not going to tell you where, you fuck, you can't know where I live. I have a whole circuit, I go on the same walk when it's warm out, get like several miles in.
SARAH: I just like… I have like the areas that I tend to go to, but I'm not consistent. Like I just kind of go places.
KAYLA: No, I can't wander. It makes me stressed. I worry about being lost.
SARAH: We're different in that way.
KAYLA: I have a whole thing about being lost, I can't do it.
SARAH: You have a phone with a map on it.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Listen, I have childhood trauma from being in a large maze as a child and getting lost, it freaked me out.
SARAH: Was it a corn maze?
KAYLA: No, it was made of wood.
SARAH: Oh, worse.
KAYLA: It was like a mouse maze and they had like, there was little cheeses set up and you're supposed to like, whatever. I was like five, seven.
SARAH: It's giving the fourth Harry Potter book.
KAYLA: Yeah. I was like screaming. The man had to come like unlock the door. Like there was doors in the walls and he had to like come rescue…
SARAH: Trauma
KAYLA: Because I was with like a group of other children and I was crying and then everyone else was crying.
SARAH: How old were you?
KAYLA: Five to seven.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: We were on a family vacation with some other families in Myrtle beach and the parents were like, “here, children go in this maze.” And they were up on this platform so they could like see. And we started like, we couldn't figure it out. And I guess I just really couldn't handle that because I'm myself.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And then the adults were up there trying to be like, “oh, go this way,” like helping direct us. No, I started sobbing. I was like one of the younger kids. So, then all the older kids who were supposed to be like taking care of us in the maze they started freaking out. And now I can't be lost. I will not be lost.
SARAH: Well
KAYLA: You will not catch me being lost.
SARAH: Good. Well, that's good to know that in case in the future, if we are ever lost, I have to be the one who is chill.
KAYLA: It depends on how lost we are.
SARAH: I probably would be.
KAYLA: I think you would be the chill one anyway.
SARAH: I think I would be.
KAYLA: But it depends. Like if we're really lost, I don't think either of us are going to be well. If we're like actually truly lost, I think we might just die.
SARAH: I mean, me and Kayla have this thing where only one of us can be freaking out at a time.
KAYLA: That's true. So, we'd really have to sit down and pick.
SARAH: So, like if the other person is freaking out.
KAYLA: You have to pull it together.
SARAH: Sorry, but you can’t.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: We would be a great Amazing Race team.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: No, it's not true. Actually, I don't know. Maybe. I feel like we've talked about this before.
SARAH: Mm. I just don't think being an Amazing Race contestant is for me.
KAYLA: No, me either. I can't drive stick. And that's like the main thing that fucks people up. So, you can't either.
SARAH: You have to eat things.
KAYLA: Yeah, no, you shouldn't go on any of those shows.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. My back hurts.
KAYLA: I was just watching ‘Survivor’ before this, they had to eat the organs of sea slugs, I didn't know they had those, I kind of thought they were just like a tube.
SARAH: Just one tube? They are the organ.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, right? Like it's a slug. I kind of thought it was just like a straw that moved around.
SARAH: I was at an Angel City football club game over the weekend. And you know who was there? I mean, a lot of people were there. Natalie Portman, Lilly Singh, Billy…
KAYLA: Eichner.
SARAH: No, she's a woman, she’s a lesbian.
KAYLA: Eilish?
SARAH: No, she's old.
KAYLA: Piper Lohr?
SARAH: She played tennis.
KAYLA: I don't know a tennis player named Billy.
SARAH: Emily, what's the old woman who was at the sports ball with the glasses whose name is Billy? Billie Jean King.
KAYLA: Oh, that sounds familiar. Maybe.
SARAH: Abby Wambach was there. But you know who else was there? Fucking Parvati.
KAYLA: What? What are you doing there? Ma'am, you just lost ‘Deal or No Deal Island.’ What are you doing?
SARAH: She was there. Because like all the other people, like it made sense because they were sports people slash they were investors.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like Natalie Portman was a founding investor of the team.
KAYLA: That’s fun. What was Parvati doing there?
SARAH: And like Lilly Singh like is a co-owner of the team. But like Parvati was just like there.
KAYLA: I do think she's on a bit of a media circuit at the moment.
SARAH: Apparently, she's maybe a new queer icon.
KAYLA: I don't know if I want her.
SARAH: Okay. Um, anyway, that's enough. What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Um, what is something you like to do alone?
SARAH: Yeah, I want to know what people have done alone that…
KAYLA: Is like, yeah
SARAH: Is not is not traditionally something that you would do alone.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like cloning yourself and doing a couple's massage.
KAYLA: Here's what I'll say about a couple's massage.
SARAH: It's just a massage.
KAYLA: It's the same thing, it's just in the same room.
SARAH: It's just cheaper, I think.
KAYLA: I don't even know if that's true.
SARAH: Couple privilege.
KAYLA: I actually don't know if it’s cheaper.
SARAH: I mean, it might be like $10 cheaper. Like it's not necessarily less expensive.
KAYLA: The only benefit is Dean and I like to do spas when we go on vacation, that's like our little like splurge activity.
SARAH: Um, that's good, some men think they're too good for spas.
KAYLA: Dean loves the spa. Dean like is the one that got me into going to the spa.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: But if you do like a full… if it's like one of those big fancy spas, you also do like the hydrotherapy before where you like do the dry hot room and then the wet hot room and then they like put you in a bunch of different temperature waters and it sprays at you and shit. Like when you do a couple's massage, you do like that part together. And that's like kind of fun, I guess.
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: But then you just kind of lay there.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I like a couple's massage for safety purposes. I like another person to be in the room with me when I'm in such a vulnerable state, that's really just me though.
SARAH: I've only had a massage once in my life.
KAYLA: That wasn't from like your physical therapist?
SARAH: Aw, there's a kitten hand in my hand.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: And a kitten tooth.
KAYLA: Oh, is she holding your hand?
SARAH: She's batting at me and biting me.
KAYLA: Oh, that's nice.
SARAH: She's a little… she's a biter. Yeah, that wasn't like my physical therapist doing physical therapy on me.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Shout out to my girl, Linda.
KAYLA: I wish massages weren't so expensive.
SARAH: I miss you, Linda. Yes, me too.
KAYLA: Because my body needs it.
SARAH: I wish facials weren't so expensive.
KAYLA: I know, I want a facial.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: I love a facial. But now that I've had my face dermaplaned, I am no longer afraid to just do it to myself.
KAYLA: That's good.
SARAH: So, I bought baby oil at the store the other day so that I… you don't do it like dry.
KAYLA: Yeah, that sounds bad.
SARAH: Because you do that, you'll cut yourself. So, I got baby oil so that I can… because like honestly, like I know there are like whatever benefits to like your dead skin, but I just like how it feels to put products on, there's no hair on your face.
KAYLA: It's probably very smooth.
SARAH: And I was worried about not liking how it would feel for the hair to grow back, but it was fine.
KAYLA: That's good.
SARAH: I didn't even notice.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: Tell us about the things you've done by yourself.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Tell us about the things you want to do by yourself that you haven't yet.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Don't climb Mount Everest by yourself, that’s a safety hazard.
KAYLA: I don't think you like actually can, I don't think they’d let you do that because they give you a Sherpa.
SARAH: Well, they don't give you a Sherpa, but you have a Sherpa.
KAYLA: I guess you pay for one. Yeah. I mean…
SARAH: Yes, you probably underpay for one to be honest. But…
KAYLA: You ever think about that? These Sherpas are like, “yeah, I go up Mount Everest like once a week. It's my job.” Why aren't we talking about that?
SARAH: And they don't get paid that much and it's so dangerous.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like they're just like chaperoning white people.
KAYLA: It's like climbing Mount Everest is such an incredible accomplishment. Is it? Because this guy does it every week. I feel like we should be talking about him, not you.
SARAH: Yeah. And when you're pushing yourself too hard, he's the one who's fucking carrying you down the mountain.
KAYLA: It's true.
SARAH: I had to read ‘Into Thin Air’ by Jon Krakauer for school.
KAYLA: I don't know what that is.
SARAH: It's a book about climbing Mount Everest.
KAYLA: There you go.
SARAH: Anyway. Okay. Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: I have a gravy.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Do you know the show ‘Next Level Chef?’
SARAH: Sounds vaguely familiar.
KAYLA: It is a Gordon Ramsay product.
SARAH: Oh, it's like, there's…
KAYLA: The levels.
SARAH: You've told me about this before.
KAYLA: Yes. It's Gordon Ramsay. And then there's these two other chefs and they each have a team, they compete.
SARAH: Who gives a fuck about the other chefs?
KAYLA: Okay. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you what, one of the other chefs, the one lady, there's a lady. We love her. She's slay. I cannot remember her name right now.
SARAH: I couldn't remember any of the name of anything today. So, it's fine.
KAYLA: The other chef…
SARAH: We were ordering lunch at work today, I forgot to ask my boss if he wanted anything. Like I forgot he was there and we ordered the food, the food arrived, I was eating my food. It was not until then that I realized I did not ask him if he wanted anything.
KAYLA: Oh, no. Hey, listen. Anyway...
SARAH: And I got my coworkers order wrong too, so, you know.
KAYLA: Oops. Well, listen, you're not a waitress, you know?
SARAH: No, I'm not.
KAYLA: Okay. The other chef, his name is Richard Blais and we hate him.
SARAH: Blais.
KAYLA: He's extremely annoying. He's very odd. We hate him.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: This season… Okay. Part of the… Listen, we're going here now. Part of the show is that like one team is safe. The best dish out of everyone, like their team is, they give their team safety. The other two teams, they pick one person from each team and then they do a cook-off and then the person that, the worst dish goes home. So usually what you're supposed to do is you choose the worst… like the person that fucked up on your team the most and you send them for elimination. Richard Blais has never won a season yet and he's being a real cuck about it. So, this season he has been taking his best chef, like the person who did the best and he has been putting them for elimination to hope to knock out the other team, which like is really fucked up. Because then what is that telling your team, like the people on your team?
SARAH: I understand from a strategic standpoint why…
KAYLA: But not from like a human standpoint. Because this show…
SARAH: But not from a human standpoint. And also, what if they lose? You've just lost your best chef.
KAYLA: Exactly. And this show is also…
SARAH: It's an example.
KAYLA: It's not about like winning a job or a restaurant. The show, the prize is like winning a mentorship with all of these chefs. So, like then you're taking away an opportunity for mentorship for someone. Anyway, we fucking hate this guy. For Dean and I's engagement as a gift, our friend Jared bought us a cameo from Richard Blais being like, “Dean and Kayla, I heard you're such big fans.” Like it was like five minutes long.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: And he also… when my friend Jared ordered it and it was like, oh, maybe seven to 10 business days, got it back immediately. This man has no life. This was the only thing, I guarantee this was the only cameo request he'd ever gotten. It was so long. It was terrible. I need to send it to you.
SARAH: Please do.
KAYLA: And it was $35 because of course it was. Who's paying this money?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So that's why gravy is like, it was really funny. But I was also like, “how fucking dare you?” Because now this man thinks that me and Dean are a fan of him and I am not.
SARAH: He does not remember your name.
KAYLA: I think he does because that's probably the only time anyone's ever told him they're a fan.
SARAH: The only cameo he has ever had.
KAYLA: That's the only cameo ever and his only fan. There's no way anyone who watches the show is like, “oh, my favorite chef?” Him. Wrong.
SARAH: Hashtag only fans. My kitchen is laying by my feet, keeping me warm.
KAYLA: Dean just texted me $35. He heard me yelling about it. $35. I'm going to send it to you. It's horrific.
SARAH: Great. Maybe you can put it… post it somewhere for…
KAYLA: Maybe I'll put it in a discord or something.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't want to put it on like Instagram, because I don't want him to find me.
SARAH: She's making biscuits.
KAYLA: Oh, a baby.
SARAH: A baby making biscuits.
KAYLA: I cede my time.
SARAH: I'm seeing a Hobie show this weekend, which that's pretty slay.
KAYLA: Fine
SARAH: I'm also seeing the US women's national team play. I didn't realize they're playing Brazil.
KAYLA: Ooh, big.
SARAH: That's like a rematch of the Olympic gold cup.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Gold medal match.
KAYLA: Do you think they'll fight or kiss?
SARAH: I don't think any of the players on Brazil and the US are married to each other.
KAYLA: Boring.
SARAH: Definitely some of the US players are with each other.
KAYLA: Of course, they are.
SARAH: She's making biscuits on my foot.
KAYLA: That's nice.
SARAH: My beef is that… okay, well, because my mom and my sister and also then my friend who was going to be in town, they're all in town, which is fun and good. But my beef is I can't go to the gym because I have to be a host.
KAYLA: You have to do people. Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's tough.
SARAH: Okay, great. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, all the things you've done by yourself slash the things you want to do by yourself slash the things that you've done by yourself that you hated doing by yourself.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: You can tell us about all of those things on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you want to support us there. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Ashley W, Boston Smith, Bronwyn Herron, Brooke Siegel, and Jiro the Wolf. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are SongOStorm who would like to promote a healthy work life balance. Val who would like to promote a cat making biscuits on your feet. Alastor who would like to promote the podcast ‘Shadows and Shenanigans.' Alyson who would like to promote Arden Gray by Ray Stoeve and Ani who would like to promote the importance of being kind to yourself and others, especially when you're doing things by yourself, I guess. Our other $10 patrons are Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Bones, Celina Dobson, Clare Olsen, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, Eric, my aunt Jeannie, Kayla’s dad, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Olivia O’Shea, Parker, Phoenix Leodinh, Purple Hayes, and Barefoot Backpacker. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive and help you grow as a better person. Nathaniel White, nathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com, and Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly, Dr. Jacki, my mom and River. Mom, what do you want to promote? What do you want to promote? She wants to promote free mom hugs and also when a cat is making biscuits on your feet.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: Until then, take good care of your cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
